All language subtitles for The Bob Newhart Show s03e14 - Serve For Daylight

Okay, Bernie, $15 check
payable to whom?

- The Urology Research Clinic-
- The Urology Research-

Annual Mixed Doubles
Tennis Tournament-

Come on, Bernie.

- And Cocktail Party.
- I can't get that all on this one check.

Well, that's the name
of the tournament.

Well, the bank doesn't have to know
we're having a cocktail party.

- Well, I hope they cash it.
- They'll cash it, Bernie. They'll cash it.

Hey, Phil. Can I have your 15 bucks?
You're gonna be in the tournament, aren't you?

Are you kidding?
I am the tournament.

I mean, what kind of tournament would it be
without last year's defending champion?

- Honest one?
- There is nothing dishonest...

about my blistering forehand
and slashing backhand.

Nothing dishonest about your sneezing
every time I serve either, huh?

- Can I help it if I have hay fever?
- In an indoor court?

Well, maybe I'm just allergic to losers.

HeyJerry, you know, I think the reason
Phil won last year...

was because he was lucky enough
to be paired up with Bettyjo Berkus.

Jerrys partner was
just as good as Bettyjo.

Cindy Dreckman?

She was great...
back in the '40s.

Well, uh, she wasn't the one
who couldn't return my lightning serves.

- {Elevator Bell Dings]
- Good mommg.

- Oh, good morning, Bob.
- Say, Bob, which would you rather have-

uh, Bettyjo Berkus
or Cindy Dreckman?

Is this one of those
desert island situations?

No. No, Bob. We're talking about the tennis
tournament. What do you think of Cindy Dreckman?

- Well, uh, she was good for a retired nurse.
- She was the worst.

No, she wasn't.
Bob's partner was the worst.

Oh, yeah. Who was your partner, Bob? You
know, I forgot. You were eliminated so fast. I-

Yeah, Bob. Who was your partner?
Oh, that's right.

- What's right? - Uh, we werejust, uh,
talking about the tennis tournament.

Oh. Now I'm sorry to let you down, Bob,
but I'm not gonna play this year.

Shucks.

Well, I don't blame you, Carol.
I mean, if I was as uncoordinated as you are...

I don't think I'd enter
any kind of competition either.

Oh, watch it, Phil.
lam going to be the linejudge this year.

You are a terrific person,
though, on the other hand.

I mean, you're very nice,
you're kind, got a great personality.

I've got real good eyes too,
and I'm gonna be watching you like a hawk.

- How are your ears?
- Perfect.

Good. Listen for sneezes.

Boy, it's lonely at the top.

- Bob, you're in, right?
- No, not this year. But I'll, uh, I'll send a donation.

- What are you talking about? - What are you
talking about? You still play, don't you?

Yeah, I play, but I play for fun.
And the last couple of years, it hasn't been fun.

You know, winning isn't
a matter of life and death.

Bob, this is competition.
It's normal to want to win.

Yeah, but I mean,
it isn't everything.

But when a person has been blessed
with certain natural gifts by you know who...

I mean, he wants to go all the way.

Yeah, well, uh, gifts come
in different packagesJerry.

- You're darn right.
- Yeah, that's right.

Uh, pudgy packages,
short packages.

Wait a minute.
I resent you calling Bob short...

and I'm sure Bob resents you
calling me pudgy, right, Bob?

- That's right, Bernie. - Well, come on, do
you want to play in the tournament or not?

Yeah, come on, Bob.
Let's show these big lummoxes.

All right, l-l'll play, but I don't want
a lot of arguing like we had last year.

- There won't, Bob. You've got my word on that.
- Fine.

Unless Phil starts something, then I'm going to
ram my tennis racket down his, uh, throat.

Oh, Bob. Uh, will you, uh,
give the trophy out again this year?

- Yeah. Sure.
- Oh, here. Keep it in your office.

- Kind of like in a temporary home.
- You never know, Bernie.

I hope you win that.
The Urology Trophy belongs in your office.

You'd think they could come up with
a better name than that, though, wouldn't you?

I know.
What about, uh, Urology Cup?

I think we better stick
with Urology Trophy.

- Hi, honey. I'm home.
- Hi, dear.

- Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.
- Oh, good.

Bob, would you get the candles
out of the freezer for me, please?

Oh, I had candles for lunch.

No. I freeze the candles 'cause
it makes them burn twice as long.

I guess that's because
the, uh, flame is so cold, hmm?

That's another one of those household hints
I got from that book I bought-

- Save a Nickel, Save a Dime.
- Oh, that's that book that cost $22, wasn't it?

Bob, what's in the bag?

Oh, I just, uh,
picked up some things.

I'm, uh, gonna play in Bernie's tennis tournament.
I needed a couple pair of socks.

Oh, and a new aluminum racket.

Oh, a new shirt,
tennis shoes, sunglasses.

Gee, I thought you weren't gonna
play I tournament this year.

Bernie andjerry, they, uh,
you know, they talked me into it.

Mm-hmm.

Is it, uh, still mixed doubles?

Uh, yeah. Yeah. They, uh- They put the women's
names in one bowl, the men's in the other...

and then, uh- then we pick out
the pairs on Friday.

It sounds exciting.
Bob, what's this?

That's, uh, my sweat set.

- For my wrists, you know?
- Oh. For both of them?

- Well, they both sweat.
- [Chuckles]

That's for my forehead.

[Chuckles]
It's adorable, Bob. It really is.

Hi, Emily-
[Laughing]

Howard, don't say anything.

[Chuckles]
I-l wasn't going to say anything.

You lost your feather.

That's Bob's sweat set.

He's playing in a tennis tournament on
Saturday, and he's planning on sweating.

Wait a minute. I thought we were
gonna play golf on Saturday.

Well, I'm sorry, Howard.
I forgot all about our golf game.

Well, that's okay.
I mean, no big deal.

I'll just, uh-
just play golf by myself.

You can play tennis
with the beautiful people.

Oh. He's not playing
with the beautiful people.

He's playing with Bernie
andjerry and people like that.

Yeah, it's a charity event.
You can play if you want. You'll be my guest.

No, there's no way I could do that.

- Oh, come on, Howard.
- Okay.

I didn't know people who didn't work
in the office could play in the tournament.

Yeah. It's wide open this year.

Oh, yeah? Well, uh, I know somebody
who's taking tennis lessons...

and, uh, she's really
been improving.

Well, I wish you wouldn't tell her about the
tournament, 'cause we don't need beginners.

Well, I was talking about me.

Oh.

- Well, sure. If you really want to play.
- Yeah. I think it'd be fun.

Fine. I'll, uh, put your name
in the bowl tomorrow.

Wait a minute.
I just remembered.

I can't play. Last winter
my, uh, racket fell apart.

Oh, Howard, that's too bad.

Well, actually it was my fault. I should
never have use it as a spaghetti strainer.

Well,you're in luck, Howard.
I just got a new racket.

Oh. Wow! Great!
Oh, Bob, that's fantastic!

Oh, thank you!
What are you gonna use?

My new racket.
You can use my old one.

Well, why have a beautiful racket
if you're not one of the beautiful people?

It's, uh-
it's a good racket, Howard.

I just had it restrung
with top-grade cat gut.

Cat gut? That's just what
they call it, isn't it?

Yeah. I guess that's
because that's what it is.

Here, Bob. I'm gonna buy a racket
with nylon strings.

There's enough violence
in this world already.

Emily, you really serious
about playing in this tournament?

- Sure. Why not?
- Well, I don't know.

I just wouldn't want you to look silly.

Hello, Dr. Dorfman?
This is Carol Kester.

Right, the receptionist
that can't take the sun.

Uh, listen, the pharmacy was
all out of Hellfire Sunburn cream.

But I thinkl got
everything else you suggested.

Uh, Scorch-No...

Burn-Me-Not...

and, of course, uh,
Zemeltrickselfeen for redheads.

Yes, I have the nose guard
and the visor.

I'll be careful.

No. I don't need
the warning, Doctor.

When I was in school, I used to peel
when I sat next to a bright student.

It's funny if you think about it,
Dr. Dorfman. Good-bye.

Hi, Carol. How's every
little thing on Mars?

Very amusing.

- Is it time for the, uh, partner drawing yet?
- 5:30,jerry.

- Okay.
- Is it time for the drawing yet, Carol?

- 5:30, Bob.
- Hold it, Bob.

- What?
- What are you wearing?

Oh, I just, uh-

I put on my, uh- my tennis shirt
just to, you know, get used to it.

- You're not gonna play in that shirt, are you?
- Why not?

- It's got a canary on it.
- What's wrong with a canary?

It's not an alligator.

That's very trueJerry.

- And do you know what else isn't an alligator?
- A camel?

- Very good.
- What I mean is, Bob, alligator shirts are in.

Boy, you try and give some of these people
guidance around here and-

- Uh, Carol, wh-wh-what time is the,
uh- the drawing? - Uh, 5:30, Bob.

I'll, uh-
I'll be in my office.

- Uh, 5- uh, 5:30.
- 5:30.

[Knocking]

What are you doing, Bob?

Oh, I was, uh-just, uh-just seeing
how they, uh- they adjust these shelves.

Just in case I got a tall object.

You know, like a tall book
or something, you know, I'd...

know how to adjust the shelves.

- Tall book, huh?
- Something.

Something, uh, about this tall?

Or maybe, uh, runner-up tall.

- It's 5:29, Bob.
- I'll, uh- I'll be out.

You really want to win
that thing, don't you?

Well, I wouldn't, uh-
lwouldn't mind.

I don't want tojinx you, Bob,
but I thinkyou can do it.

See, I-l don't believe
in superstition.

I mean, if-if you win, you win. If you don't,
you know, well, what difference does it make?

Well, good luck anyway, Bob.

Uh, Carol, it, uh-
it isn't a matter of luck.

Okay.

- [ Bernie] Time for the drawing.
- Hey, Bernie. Hey, wh-wheres the trophy?

- Bob has it.
- Here it is.

Hey, that's bigger
than last year's trophy.

Oh, that's too bad. I was-
I was thinking of making bookends.

He )4 Phil, come on. Remember your promise.
Relaxed andsportshmansh/p-like.

All right, Bernie. All right.
just, uh, stay out of my way.

- [jerryjAm I/ate? - No, but who's
little mouth is hardening in your chair?

Ah, it's okay. I got 55 seconds.
Come on, Bernie, let's get it going.

Okay, but before
I, uh, pick the first name...

I'd like to say few words about the functions
ofThe Urology Research Clinic.

We know the functions, Bernie.
Now let's get on with it, huh?

- [ Chattering]
- Get going with the drawing.

- [ Emily] Hi. How's it going? Excuse me.
- We, uh-Wejust started.

- I got 4O seconds, Bernie.
- Uh, okay, the first name is, uh, Tammy Ziegler.

Go ahead.
Pick your partner, Tammy.

Be there, baby.

Howard Borden?
Who's Howard Borden?

He's not that swishy podiatrist
up on the 12th floor, is he?

No, he's, uh- he's a neighbor of ours,
and he's as macho as they come.

I've got the macho.
I'm looking for a guy who can serve rockets.

- They really take this seriously, huh?
- Shh! Shh!

Okay, uh, the next one
isjerry Robinson.

Good deal. I only got four seconds left.
Bettyjo Berkus!

Hey, all the way, Bettyjo.
We're gonna kill you, Phil. That's all for you-

-[Timer Dings]
- Uh, that's it for me.

The next name is, uh, Bob Hartley.
Go ahead, Bob Hartley.

Uh, Carol, why don't-
why don't you pick it for luck?

Oh, okay, Bob.

Oh, talk about luck.
Your partner is... Emily!

Me? Oh! Oh!

That-That's wonderful, huh?

Terrific.

- Boy, talk about luck.
- Yes.

I mean, I-l wonder what the odds against
something like this happening are?

I don't even want to know.

Don't we have a rule that says
husbands and wives can't play together?

- Yeah, we do. We do. That's right.
- No, we don't.

- It's never come up before. - Well, Bernie,
I wouldn't want to break any of the rules.

Oh, come on now.
Let them- Let them play together.

What difference does it make?

Well, you know, in case we win,
I don't want there to be any hard feelings.

- You're not gonna win, Bob.
- Well, you never know.

Emily's been taking lessons, and, uh,
she's got a pretty good serve.

Yeah, I sure have.

- Yeah. - Y-You sure those rules
aren't written down anywhere?

- Well, are you ready, Emily?
- Yeah.

You know, I just can't decide if I should hold
my racket in two hands like Chrissy Evert...

or one hand
like Evonne Goolagong.

Emily, don't worry about it.j-j ust remember
after I serve to move way off to the side.

You mean, get out of the way?

No. No. Not-Not at all.
You'll get, uh- You'll get plenty of shots.

Well, good, 'cause I want to
have some fun too.

Oh, it'll be fun, because, uh,
Bernie is really out of shape.

I think if we run him,
he's gonna cave in like a house of cards.

Uh, but- but you don't really care
about winning that much.

No. Not really.

Now, after we eliminate Bernie...

I think we'll play
Jerry and Bettyjo.

- I thinkjerry is just a little overconfident.
- Uh-huh.

Okay, now if we get by them,
we'll play Phil and Madeline in the finals...

- and I thinkl can psyche Phil out.
- Oh.

Well, you should be very good at that.

And if, uh-
if everything goes right...

- we should take it all.
- Uh-huh.

But, uh, you don't care?

- No. No, not really.
- No.

Okay, Emily...

- let's go.
- Okay, Bob. I'm right behind you.

Right behind me
and way off to the side.

- Emily, you were terrific.
- Oh, you did pretty good yourself, Bernie.

Oh, not really. You know, it was just a fluke
that we beat you and Bob.

Oh, Bernie.
Six-love, six-one is no fluke.

Boy, you really had us
going in that second set.

When take a few lessons for your serve,
I won't want to tangle with you.

- Uh, Bernie?
- Yeah?

- I've already had 12 lessons.
- You did?

- Mm-hmm.
- Well, uh...

you know that one serve
that you got across the net?

- Yeah.
- Well, it was almost impossible to return.

- Oh.
- I look like I could use some Gatorade.

Bob, where have you been?
I haven't seen you since the match.

Oh, I-l went for a walk.
I still had a lot of energy left.

Oh. You know, um,
Bernie was just telling me...

that for a person who hadn't
played very much, I was pretty good.

Yeah, y-you did play pretty good.

I guess that's why we lost
to the worst team in the tournament.

Bob, are you blaming me?

No, half the blame goes to thatjerk
who taught you how to serve.

Well, Bob, sol double-faulted
a few times.

- Twenty-eight.
- You were counting?

That's just a ballpark figure.
The actual number was 34.

Well, Bob, I don't know howl could've tried
any harder. I was running as fast as I could.

- That's another thing.
- What's another thing?

- Never mind.
- No, Bob, I want to know.

You run like a girl.

I am a girl.

That's another thing.
You acted like-

You acted like a girl.
You giggled when I-when I missed that lob.

Well, I giggled because it
hit you on top of the head.

I had sweat in my eyes.

Oh. I didn't know
Superman could sweat.

I'm really sorry, Howard.
I didn't mean to serve the ball that hard.

It's okay. It's okay.

I should have ducked
orjumped or something.

Oh. I guess it's true.

You never hear the one
that's got your name on it.

- Hi, guys. Who won?
- We killed 'em.

- Oh, congratulationgjer.
- Thanks, Emily.

- Nice goingJerry.
- Oh, thanks, Bob. And you were right.

It's not hard to be
a gracious winner.

You know, I, uh-
I shouldn't have laid back. I took it easy.

You know, I was too, uh, nonchalant,
too relaxed, you know?

I guess, uh, it just didn't mean
that much to me.

You thinkyou had a weak partner.

- I'm not blaming my partner.
- Oh.

Folks. Oh, folks, listen.
Before we hand out the awards...

I want to give a nice round of applause
to our star linejudge, Carol Kester.

Oh, well, thank you.

I'm surprised you recognized me.

- Phil, uh, you left your racket on the court.
- Oh, yeah.

Oh, thanks. It, uh, must have, uh,
you know, slipped out of my hand.

You can kiss the sportsmanship award
good-bye too.

And now, the awards chairman,
Bob Hartley.

The guy who did something for me
that nobody else has ever done.

He made me a winner.

Well, uh, uh, thanks, everybody.

The tournament's over
and we, uh- we do have a winner...

uh,jerry Robinson
and Bettyjo Berkus.

Nice goin'.

But in this kind of tournament, I don't
think you can say there were any losers...

even though, uh, some of us lost,
uh, by a lot.

The, uh- The important thing,
I think, to remember is that we, uh-

we did contribute some money to
a worthy charity and, uh, we all had a good time.

I know Emily and I did.

If we canjust, I think, keep the feeling of
sportsmanship that we had on the courts...

and carry it through
to our everyday lives.

I know it's an old saying.
You've heard it a million times, but...

it's not whether
you, uh, win or lose...

it's, uh, h-how you-
how you- how you play the, uh-

the, uh-

Game.

The game.

- Emily?
- Over here, Bob.

I was just throwing
out the trash.

- E-Emily, uh, listen-
- I know, Bob. it's not whether you win or lose-

Uh, Emily, that isn't what I was gonna say.
Uh, would you sit down?

Okay.

If you don't mind if I sit like a girl.

Emily, I don't, uh-
I don't blame you for- for leaving...

or for taking the car.

How'd you get home?

Uh,jerry gave me a ride.

And I'm glad he did. Because I got
a really close look at that trophy.

Well, maybe next year with the right partner,
you'll win it and you can build a shrine for it.

Emily, the, uh- the trophy...

is just a-a cheap piece
of-of brass-plated metal...

uh, mounted on
wood-grained plastic...

and with a couple of tennis players
glued on top of it.

I really wanted that.
Emily, sit down.

When, uh- When I was
in the seventh grade...

I worked for the, uh-
the Northshore Trophy Company.

And I must have delivered hundreds
of trophies, but never one to myself.

You know, and one day
the temptation got too great.

And I-l took this trophy
that belonged to someone else...

and I put it on my dresser.

“1943, South Chicago
Boxing Tournament...

“Heavyweight Champion...

Buster Magi I nski.”

Oh, I've seen that trophy, Bob.
It's in back of the closet.

Yeah, well, make sure
it stays there...

'cause if Buster finds out I have it,
he's gonna push my face in.

Th-That always worried me, and I-
I wanted to win a trophy all- all by myself.

Yeah, well, that's exactly
what you tried to do today.

Yeah, I know.
And, um, I'm- I'm sorry.

Well, I understand, Bob.
And I-

I just wish I could have played better.

Emily, it wasn't your fault.

Actually, you were-
you were very good at the net.

- Oh, thank you. - I mean, ifoccasionallyyou
could have hit a ball back-

But-But we can, uh- we can work on that
and, uh, I mean, who knows.

Bob, are you saying you want me to be
your partner at the tennis tournament next year?

Why- Why don't I, uh, think about that
while I take the trash down?

- Good morning, Carol.
- Oh, hi, Bob.

Well, it looks like we all
survived the tourney, huh?

And it looks like
you survived the sun.

- Almost. I forgot to wear gloves.
- [E/e vator Bell Ding; ]

- Hi, Bob, Carol.
- HLJer.

HLJerry. Congratulations.
It, uh, it looks terrific.

Oh, this!
[Chuckles]

Pretty proud of it, aren't you?

Ah, it's no big deal.
lt'sjusta bauble.

We all had a good weekend's fun, and I have
a little souvenir to remember it by, that's all.

I see you, uh,
you had it inscribed.

Yeah, well, on the way down, I thought I'd
take a couple of hours off and get it over with.

“The, uh, Urology Cup, won this day
over a field of competitors...

by the team ofjerry Robinson
and partner.“

Yeah, well, there wasn't room on there,
you know, for her whole name.

[ Mews]