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1
00:01:13,693 --> 00:01:16,867
Here we go, Bob.
Your article's all finished.
2
00:01:16,930 --> 00:01:19,433
I stayed up until
4:00 in the morning typing it.
3
00:01:19,499 --> 00:01:22,412
- Oh, thank you, Carol.
- You're welcome.
4
00:01:22,469 --> 00:01:25,643
Did I mention that I stayed up
until 4:00 in the morning typing it?
5
00:01:27,374 --> 00:01:29,320
Oh, yeah.
Uh, how much?
6
00:01:29,376 --> 00:01:31,515
Thirty-five. Not that
I did it for the money.
7
00:01:31,578 --> 00:01:33,524
No, no.
It's a fascinating article.
8
00:01:33,580 --> 00:01:35,924
- But you'll take the money?
- If you insist.
9
00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:39,755
[Mouthing Words]
Thank you.
10
00:01:39,820 --> 00:01:43,199
Uh, listen, Bob.
In the article...
11
00:01:43,256 --> 00:01:45,258
is Mr. “Y“ Elliot Carlin?
12
00:01:45,325 --> 00:01:47,635
- What difference does it make?
- I thought so.
13
00:01:47,694 --> 00:01:49,867
Uh, Carol, with the 35...
14
00:01:49,930 --> 00:01:53,207
you might go out and
buy yourself something nice.
15
00:01:53,266 --> 00:01:55,268
What, you don't
like this outfit?
16
00:01:55,335 --> 00:01:58,441
No, it's fine,
for a sock hop...
17
00:01:58,505 --> 00:02:01,384
but here at the office,
we try to maintain a certain dignity.
18
00:02:01,441 --> 00:02:04,217
- Hey, boss threads, Carol.
- ThanksJer.
19
00:02:04,277 --> 00:02:06,223
You're my main man.
20
00:02:08,348 --> 00:02:11,295
- Uh, can we talk, Bob?
- YeahJerry. What's up?
21
00:02:11,351 --> 00:02:13,991
I got this date tonight.
22
00:02:14,054 --> 00:02:16,933
With who,
Betty or Veronica?
23
00:02:16,990 --> 00:02:20,096
A girl named Courtney Simpson.
I haven't seen her in 1 O years.
24
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,868
It's really strange, Bob.
I can't figure out why she called me.
25
00:02:22,929 --> 00:02:24,875
Maybe she likes
your boss threads.
26
00:02:24,931 --> 00:02:27,468
- Come on, Bob. I'm tryin' to be serious.
- I'm sorryJer.
27
00:02:27,534 --> 00:02:30,140
Courtney Simpson was
the most perfect girl I ever knew-
28
00:02:30,203 --> 00:02:32,149
tawny, long-legged,
golden-haired.
29
00:02:32,205 --> 00:02:35,982
A free spirit. Full of adventure and excitement.
You know the kind of girl I mean?
30
00:02:36,042 --> 00:02:38,215
- Yeah, my sister's sort of like that.
- Uh-huh.
31
00:02:38,278 --> 00:02:41,350
Except she's... short
and has dark hair.
32
00:02:41,414 --> 00:02:44,884
Yeah. Once, Courtney and I
went on this canoeing trip...
33
00:02:44,951 --> 00:02:47,227
and it was the most
exciting thing I ever did.
34
00:02:47,287 --> 00:02:49,597
Four days out there.
No food, no water, nojohn.
35
00:02:49,656 --> 00:02:52,728
I had that same kind of
excitement in Korea,jerry.
36
00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:57,572
Then we parted company.
I went and became an orthodontist.
37
00:02:57,631 --> 00:03:01,204
She went off to Bombay,
New Zealand, South AmericaJapan.
38
00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:04,340
Now she's back in Chicago,
and I can't figure out why.
39
00:03:04,404 --> 00:03:07,078
Maybe she stopped by
for some maps.
40
00:03:07,140 --> 00:03:09,347
No, Bob, what I mean is,
why did she call me?
41
00:03:09,409 --> 00:03:12,219
- Maybe she likes you,jerry.
- Come on, Bob.
42
00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:14,384
Look at me.
What's there to like?
43
00:03:14,447 --> 00:03:16,552
I'm an orthodontist.
44
00:03:16,616 --> 00:03:19,722
I sold out years ago.
My life is dull.
45
00:03:19,786 --> 00:03:22,096
Like yours.
46
00:03:22,155 --> 00:03:25,534
I just can't figure it out, Bob.
What does she want with me after 1 O years?
47
00:03:25,592 --> 00:03:27,765
It's a long time.
People change.
48
00:03:28,962 --> 00:03:33,138
That's it. You see,
that's why she called me.
49
00:03:33,199 --> 00:03:35,236
She's probably gotten
old, fat and ugly.
50
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:38,579
Just ready to settle down
and marry a dull, rich orthodontist.
51
00:03:38,638 --> 00:03:41,380
Uh-uh-uh. She's not
gonna trap this fella.
52
00:03:41,441 --> 00:03:43,819
Hey, Bob. Thanks a lot.
You did it again.
53
00:03:43,877 --> 00:03:45,914
- Glad to be of helpJerry.
- Right.
54
00:03:45,979 --> 00:03:48,016
See you at the malt shop.
55
00:04:01,294 --> 00:04:03,240
Well, what's
coming up next?
56
00:04:03,296 --> 00:04:05,640
I can't tell you.
just eat it while it's hot.
57
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,810
- How is it?
- It's cold.
58
00:04:09,869 --> 00:04:12,645
- No, I mean, how does it taste?
- What is it?
59
00:04:12,706 --> 00:04:16,313
- Sauteed bean curd.
- Oh, then it's fine.
60
00:04:17,811 --> 00:04:20,451
Okay, get ready. Now this is
the hot and sour sesame balls.
61
00:04:20,513 --> 00:04:22,459
That's Mr. Chun's specialty.
62
00:04:22,515 --> 00:04:26,964
- Who's Mr. Chun? - Oh, that's a patient
of Bob's who owns a restaurant.
63
00:04:27,020 --> 00:04:29,660
He started seeing Bob
because business has been bad lately...
64
00:04:29,723 --> 00:04:32,226
and he doesn't
know why.
65
00:04:35,595 --> 00:04:37,541
I could tell him.
66
00:04:37,597 --> 00:04:40,100
- [D0orbe// Buzzes]
- I'll get it. I'll get it.
67
00:04:40,166 --> 00:04:43,079
I'll get it. Uh, I've gotta go anyway.
You can have my, uh-
68
00:04:43,136 --> 00:04:45,207
my stuff.
69
00:04:45,271 --> 00:04:47,581
Don't you wanna take it
with you, Howard?I mean...
70
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,052
Bob could put it in, uh-
in a dragon bag.
71
00:04:50,110 --> 00:04:52,716
Thank you.
72
00:04:52,779 --> 00:04:54,952
Oh. hiJerW-
73
00:04:55,015 --> 00:04:57,325
- Howard, I'm over here.
- Hi.
74
00:04:57,384 --> 00:05:00,160
Howard, Bob and Emily,
this is Courtney Simpson.
75
00:05:00,220 --> 00:05:02,461
- [Emily] H1; Courtney
- Hi.
76
00:05:02,522 --> 00:05:05,469
You know, girls that look like you
are always named Courtney. Like, uh...
77
00:05:05,525 --> 00:05:10,634
Candice Bergen and Cybill Shepherd
and those kind ofCourtneys.
78
00:05:12,732 --> 00:05:15,008
Why, thank you.
Mmm!
79
00:05:15,068 --> 00:05:17,981
Smells like hot and sour
sesame balls.
80
00:05:18,038 --> 00:05:20,075
- It is.
- Ah, no kidding.
81
00:05:20,140 --> 00:05:22,313
-I love Mandarin food.
- Yeah, me too.
82
00:05:22,375 --> 00:05:25,948
Listen, if you ever get to Shanghai,
there's a terrific restaurant on the outskirts.
83
00:05:26,012 --> 00:05:28,288
They make the best
Wong Shu Op you ever tasted.
84
00:05:28,348 --> 00:05:30,851
- Uh, what's the name of the restaurant?
- Dave's.
85
00:05:32,552 --> 00:05:34,498
- Dave's?
- Uh-huh.
86
00:05:34,554 --> 00:05:36,761
But not the Hong Kong Dave's.
It's the Dave's in Shanghai.
87
00:05:36,823 --> 00:05:39,326
Oh, well, I don't think
we'll ever get to Shanghai.
88
00:05:39,392 --> 00:05:42,737
- Well, the one in Hong Kong is pretty good too.
- Oh.
89
00:05:42,796 --> 00:05:45,242
- Well, why don't you have a seat.
- Yeah, please.
90
00:05:45,298 --> 00:05:47,244
We're only here for
a couple of minutes.
91
00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:50,304
I just wanted you to see how
old, fat and ugly Courtney has gotten.
92
00:05:56,342 --> 00:06:00,222
Uh, are you, uh-are you gonna be
in Chicago long?
93
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:02,226
Uh-huh.
A couple of days.
94
00:06:02,282 --> 00:06:05,263
Vvejust come in from Tanzania,
and I'm on my way to Tahiti.
95
00:06:05,318 --> 00:06:07,798
Courtney's seeing the world
in alphabetical order.
96
00:06:07,854 --> 00:06:10,630
It's taken her 1 O years
to get to the T's.
97
00:06:10,690 --> 00:06:13,534
- How do you manage all the traveling?
- I'm a marine biologist.
98
00:06:13,593 --> 00:06:16,335
Oh, what a coincidence.
My ex-wife was an army nurse.
99
00:06:21,401 --> 00:06:24,780
- It's not the same thing, Howard.
- Well, they're both military.
100
00:06:26,139 --> 00:06:28,813
So your job takes you
all over the world, huh?
101
00:06:28,875 --> 00:06:31,321
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah. I'd like to do that. To travel.
102
00:06:31,377 --> 00:06:33,482
Howard, that's
what you do do.
103
00:06:33,546 --> 00:06:35,753
Yeah, but from
five miles up.
104
00:06:35,815 --> 00:06:38,318
I'd like to do it
much lower to the ground.
105
00:06:38,384 --> 00:06:42,662
Of course, ifit was any lower,
I mightjeopardize human lives.
106
00:06:42,722 --> 00:06:46,465
You know, I went to Europe once,
and it was the greatest summer of my life.
107
00:06:46,526 --> 00:06:48,870
I mean, until I
married Bob, of course.
108
00:06:48,928 --> 00:06:52,603
Yeah, we've had a much
better time since then.
109
00:06:52,665 --> 00:06:56,306
Last summer, we, uh-
we almost made it to Wisconsin.
110
00:06:56,369 --> 00:06:58,679
What do you think, Bob?
Isn't she everything I said she was?
111
00:06:58,738 --> 00:07:01,981
- [ Howard] And more.
- She's, uh- She's very nice.
112
00:07:02,041 --> 00:07:05,318
- I thinkyou people are all very nice too.
- Yeah, for Americans.
113
00:07:05,378 --> 00:07:07,324
Well, we'll see
you later.
114
00:07:07,380 --> 00:07:09,690
Jerry, can't you stay?
Bob's making squid with duck sauce.
115
00:07:09,749 --> 00:07:12,320
No, sirree. Tonight is special.
We're gonna have cheeseburgers.
116
00:07:12,385 --> 00:07:14,558
You see, I haven't had
a cheeseburger in five years.
117
00:07:14,621 --> 00:07:16,430
Oh, cheeseburgers.
That sounds great.
118
00:07:16,489 --> 00:07:18,435
Uh, we'd kinda like
to be alone, Howard.
119
00:07:18,491 --> 00:07:21,631
I don't wanna go with you.
I just can't stand any more of that stuff.
120
00:07:21,694 --> 00:07:24,436
- Good night.
- Good night. Nice meeting you.
121
00:07:24,497 --> 00:07:27,842
That's great. Now we don't
have to share the squid with anybody.
122
00:07:27,901 --> 00:07:30,780
Oh, honey, I'm gonna tell you
something even greater-
123
00:07:30,837 --> 00:07:32,976
you don't have to
share it with me.
124
00:07:39,646 --> 00:07:42,923
Well, this is it. My little prison.
Don't know why you wanted to see it.
125
00:07:42,982 --> 00:07:45,519
- I've never seen a dentist's office before.
- Yeah, that figures.
126
00:07:45,585 --> 00:07:47,997
- You've probably never even been sick.
- I had a cold once...
127
00:07:48,054 --> 00:07:51,126
- in Antarctica.
- Yeah, and that was way back in the A's.
128
00:07:51,191 --> 00:07:54,502
- Nice chair.
- It's plastic. Like my life.
129
00:07:55,895 --> 00:07:57,841
- What's this?
- X-raymachine.
130
00:07:57,897 --> 00:08:01,470
- And this?
- Spit sink.
131
00:08:01,534 --> 00:08:03,707
- Pretty dull stuff, huh?
- No!
132
00:08:03,770 --> 00:08:05,977
No, I can see where this
could be fascinating work.
133
00:08:06,039 --> 00:08:09,987
What's fascinating about sticking
your fingers in kids' mouths all day long...
134
00:08:10,043 --> 00:08:12,489
having them bite you, having them
spray you with water...
135
00:08:12,545 --> 00:08:15,321
till it runs down
into your socks?
136
00:08:15,381 --> 00:08:18,157
- You think that's fascinating?
- Ohjerry, you shouldn't feel that way.
137
00:08:18,218 --> 00:08:21,688
You're helping people. And you're doing
something interesting and challenging.
138
00:08:21,754 --> 00:08:23,825
- You really think so?
- Yes, I do.
139
00:08:23,890 --> 00:08:26,530
Well, you know it does
have certain advantages.
140
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:29,938
I mean, I'm my own boss.
I come and go whenever I please.
141
00:08:29,996 --> 00:08:32,374
I'm... really
a free spirit.
142
00:08:32,432 --> 00:08:35,675
- Nobody said you weren't.
- And it's not like I've lost touch with nature.
143
00:08:35,735 --> 00:08:37,715
You, uh-
You know what this is?
144
00:08:37,770 --> 00:08:40,512
This is a plant. I mean, I really
care about living things.
145
00:08:40,573 --> 00:08:43,520
- It could use some water.
- Yeah, well, Carol'll catch it in the morning.
146
00:08:45,111 --> 00:08:47,557
You know what this here is?
This is my music thing.
147
00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:50,117
I mean, a lot of guys can only
get one channel at a time...
148
00:08:50,183 --> 00:08:52,993
but I can listen to whatever
kind of music I like.
149
00:08:53,052 --> 00:08:56,124
I} [ Muzak ]
150
00:08:56,189 --> 00:08:59,659
- [Channel Changes]
- g,' [Song Continues]
151
00:08:59,726 --> 00:09:04,072
- [Channel Changes]
- g,' [Song Continues]
152
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:06,872
- .»-';-"' [$119105]
- That's a terrific selectiomjer.
153
00:09:08,001 --> 00:09:10,003
Look at this here.
This is my own creation.
154
00:09:10,069 --> 00:09:12,913
- This is a happy tooth.
- Well, what does it do?
155
00:09:12,972 --> 00:09:15,316
- Nothing.
- Well, as long as it's happy.
156
00:09:16,976 --> 00:09:19,752
- Lookit here. Here's a whole
assortment of good stuff- Jerry!
157
00:09:19,812 --> 00:09:25,023
- You don't have to sell me. I know this
is a good life. - Ah, it's a great life.
158
00:09:25,084 --> 00:09:28,554
- Do you really believe that, Courtney?
- Yes, I really do.
159
00:09:28,621 --> 00:09:31,465
Well, good, because,
uh, there's something...
160
00:09:31,524 --> 00:09:33,902
uh, I'd like to say to you.
161
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:37,965
I could use a girl around here.
Someone who's bright and energetic.
162
00:09:38,031 --> 00:09:40,443
Someone who's got a good
background in marine biology.
163
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:42,878
Jerry, it's not my thing.
164
00:09:42,935 --> 00:09:47,111
My thing is the world, seeing it all,
being with all the people and moving on.
165
00:09:47,173 --> 00:09:49,414
I don't like to stay
in one place too long.
166
00:09:49,475 --> 00:09:51,455
You want thejob or not?
167
00:09:51,511 --> 00:09:53,457
I could never take
a job like this.
168
00:09:53,513 --> 00:09:56,016
- It's the money, huh?
- No.
169
00:09:56,082 --> 00:09:59,120
No, it's the location.
I mean, I'm on my way to Tahiti.
170
00:09:59,185 --> 00:10:02,462
- What if I went to Tahiti with you?
- You mean, take your tools?
171
00:10:02,522 --> 00:10:04,468
Sure! Take my tools, my plant.
172
00:10:04,524 --> 00:10:07,164
Nah, they probably
got plants there. Look-
173
00:10:07,226 --> 00:10:09,331
What would you-
What would you say if I, uh...
174
00:10:09,395 --> 00:10:12,137
went with you to Tahiti?
175
00:10:12,198 --> 00:10:15,475
I think it would be terrific.
If you really want to.
176
00:10:15,535 --> 00:10:20,814
Oh, I really want to. I could bring
orthodontia to the natives.
177
00:10:20,873 --> 00:10:23,285
Well, sure. You could find
a lot of satisfaction...
178
00:10:23,343 --> 00:10:27,348
in teaching Tahitians
to rinse and spit.
179
00:10:27,413 --> 00:10:29,689
“Rinse and spit.“
180
00:10:29,749 --> 00:10:32,389
When you say it,
it sounds so... beautiful.
181
00:10:41,894 --> 00:10:43,840
They teach you that
in dental school?
182
00:10:43,896 --> 00:10:47,105
- I made that up myself.
- It's very good.
183
00:10:48,835 --> 00:10:51,145
Hold that smile.
184
00:10:51,204 --> 00:10:54,481
There's a little spot
on your upper-right incisor.
185
00:10:57,310 --> 00:11:00,985
Jerry, this isn't really
very romantic.
186
00:11:01,047 --> 00:11:03,049
Right.
187
00:11:03,116 --> 00:11:05,118
- ,','[Muza/<]
- Of course.
188
00:11:16,095 --> 00:11:18,041
Hi, Carol.
It's a fine morning.
189
00:11:18,097 --> 00:11:20,099
It's great to be alive,
and you look terrific.
190
00:11:20,166 --> 00:11:22,703
- Jerry? Is that you?
- Don't get up. I'll get my own coffee.
191
00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:25,181
- In fact, I'll get you a cup.
- No, that's not you.
192
00:11:25,238 --> 00:11:27,184
Yeah, it's me.
Carol, it is me.
193
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,345
It's the real me.
The new me. The free me.
194
00:11:29,409 --> 00:11:31,787
The me I used to be before
I became the me I was.
195
00:11:31,844 --> 00:11:36,520
Well, the old you left the light on
in your office last night.
196
00:11:36,582 --> 00:11:38,892
- That was probably the night watchman.
- Mm-hmm.
197
00:11:38,951 --> 00:11:41,431
Well, whoever it was,
he was wearing Oil de Musk.
198
00:11:42,622 --> 00:11:45,193
- Hi, Carol.
- Hey, Elliot.
199
00:11:45,258 --> 00:11:48,137
- Is Dr. Hartley in?
- No, not yet. Why don't you just have a seat?
200
00:11:48,194 --> 00:11:50,572
- Okay
- Hey, Mr. Carlin. How are you? You look terrific.
201
00:11:50,630 --> 00:11:52,837
Come on over.
I'll buy you a cup of coffee.
202
00:11:54,333 --> 00:11:56,279
What's the matter
with you, Robinson?
203
00:11:56,335 --> 00:11:58,576
The matter?
Nothing's the matter.
204
00:11:58,638 --> 00:12:01,619
I feel great. I got the world on a string.
I'm sittin' on a rainbow.
205
00:12:01,674 --> 00:12:03,745
You've got the string
around your neck.
206
00:12:04,744 --> 00:12:06,746
Nobody should ever
be that happy.
207
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:09,316
- He's sick.
- How do you know?
208
00:12:09,382 --> 00:12:13,057
I've had eight years of experience.
I know emotional stress when I see it.
209
00:12:13,119 --> 00:12:15,224
I just don't know it
when I have it.
210
00:12:17,957 --> 00:12:19,959
Anyway, I say
you're covering up.
211
00:12:20,026 --> 00:12:22,836
- Are you,jerry?
- Are you agreeing with him now, Carol?
212
00:12:22,895 --> 00:12:26,741
WelLJerry, you have to admit,
his credentials are pretty impressive.
213
00:12:26,799 --> 00:12:30,804
But he's wrong! I had a great date last night
with a girl I hadn't seen in 10 years.
214
00:12:30,870 --> 00:12:32,975
And it was the most
fantastic night of my life.
215
00:12:33,039 --> 00:12:35,781
- Oh, sure. She was more beautiful than
ever, wasn't she? - She really was.
216
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,948
- Yeah, and the hours passed like
seconds, didn't they? - They really did.
217
00:12:39,011 --> 00:12:41,491
You were swept away on
a perfumed cloud, weren't you?
218
00:12:41,547 --> 00:12:45,427
- A cloud of musk.
- You poor slob.
219
00:12:46,886 --> 00:12:49,162
Oh, hi, Dr. Hartley.
You're herejust in time.
220
00:12:49,222 --> 00:12:51,168
This guy really is
in bad trouble.
221
00:12:51,224 --> 00:12:53,465
- What's the mattenjerry?
- I didn't think anything was.
222
00:12:53,526 --> 00:12:55,597
It is. Why don't you
take part of my hour?
223
00:12:55,661 --> 00:12:58,107
You need it
more than I do.
224
00:12:58,164 --> 00:13:01,509
Well, I wish somebody would
because one of you is two minutes late.
225
00:13:03,769 --> 00:13:06,773
And, Robinson, you're on my time,
you know, so don't waste it being happy.
226
00:13:08,708 --> 00:13:10,813
Get in there
and spill it.
227
00:13:13,446 --> 00:13:15,392
- What's upJerry?
- Nothing.
228
00:13:15,448 --> 00:13:17,689
I had a great time
with Courtney last night.
229
00:13:17,750 --> 00:13:20,196
Come on,jerry.
Spill it.
230
00:13:21,454 --> 00:13:24,128
Okay. I'm going
to Tahiti with her.
231
00:13:24,190 --> 00:13:26,329
The Tahiti?
232
00:13:26,392 --> 00:13:28,338
Tahiti Tahiti?
233
00:13:28,394 --> 00:13:30,567
Oh, sure, you don't
thinkl should go.
234
00:13:30,630 --> 00:13:33,133
Throw everything away
on a chance to be free.
235
00:13:33,199 --> 00:13:35,941
Go wherever the wind takes me,
follow the sun for a while-
236
00:13:36,002 --> 00:13:38,004
you don't think
I should do that, do you?
237
00:13:38,070 --> 00:13:40,482
I don't thinkyou should,
and I don't thinkyou're going to.
238
00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:42,816
- I would with Courtney.
Jerry, I know you.
239
00:13:42,875 --> 00:13:45,822
I know you wouldn't throw everything away
that you worked so hard for.
240
00:13:45,878 --> 00:13:47,824
Oh, what's to
throw away, Bob?
241
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:49,860
Did you ever look
inside a kid's mouth?
242
00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:52,328
Do you know
what goes on in there?
243
00:13:52,385 --> 00:13:55,195
- Bad things, huh?
- It's the worst.
244
00:13:55,254 --> 00:13:59,202
Armies of bacterial life
slithering around in there.
245
00:13:59,258 --> 00:14:02,205
You know it's better
to kiss a dog than a kid?
246
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:06,171
I'll try to
remember that,jer.
247
00:14:06,232 --> 00:14:08,542
Anyway, Bob...
248
00:14:08,601 --> 00:14:12,105
I'm gonna go to Tahiti with her
unless you can talk me out of it.
249
00:14:12,171 --> 00:14:14,276
I'll tryJefW-
250
00:14:14,340 --> 00:14:17,685
I mean, you know everybody
has a romantic dream.
251
00:14:17,743 --> 00:14:21,589
L, uh-l had one.
I wanted to be a tap dancer.
252
00:14:22,782 --> 00:14:24,728
- A tap dancer?
- Yeah.
253
00:14:24,784 --> 00:14:28,425
For three years, I practiced every day
until my feet became like machine guns.
254
00:14:28,487 --> 00:14:30,694
Then I-l tried out
for an amateur hour...
255
00:14:30,756 --> 00:14:32,702
and there was no way I could lose.
256
00:14:32,758 --> 00:14:35,432
- What happened?
- I lost.
257
00:14:35,494 --> 00:14:38,532
I came in third. I was beat out
bya midget who, uh-
258
00:14:38,598 --> 00:14:41,204
who sliced butter
with a bullwhip...
259
00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:44,771
and a woman who let air of
an inner tube tire to the tune of“Nola.“
260
00:14:46,272 --> 00:14:49,583
She was great.
261
00:14:49,642 --> 00:14:52,680
A-Anyway, the point is,jerry,
I realized it was just a dream...
262
00:14:52,745 --> 00:14:54,952
you know, and I came back
to the real world.
263
00:14:55,014 --> 00:14:57,961
- That's what you should do.
- You didn't talk me out of it, Bob.
264
00:14:58,017 --> 00:15:00,224
- I'm gonna go.
Jerry, you're not gonna go.
265
00:15:00,286 --> 00:15:02,232
You're gonna stay
in Chicago. I know you.
266
00:15:02,288 --> 00:15:05,326
Bob, in Chicago, a man
can't follow the sun.
267
00:15:05,391 --> 00:15:08,304
Jerry, in Tahiti, a man can't
follow the White Sox.
268
00:15:12,832 --> 00:15:15,005
- How'd it go with him?
- Oh, it'll work out.
269
00:15:15,067 --> 00:15:17,741
I really appreciate your giving up
part of your time for him.
270
00:15:17,803 --> 00:15:20,079
That's all right.
I can spare it.
271
00:15:20,139 --> 00:15:22,983
I only had one problem this week.
[ Exhales]
272
00:15:23,042 --> 00:15:24,988
Well, why don't
you, uh-
273
00:15:25,044 --> 00:15:27,251
Why don't you
tell me about it.
274
00:15:27,313 --> 00:15:30,055
Yesterday morning,
I was possessed by the devil.
275
00:15:43,696 --> 00:15:47,542
Let me see. ls the- ls the queen
worth more than the horse?
276
00:15:49,068 --> 00:15:52,413
- It's called a knight.
- Yeah, well, it looks like a horse to me.
277
00:15:53,406 --> 00:15:55,386
The queen is worth
three of those.
278
00:15:55,441 --> 00:15:59,321
Oh, well. Well, then,
I'll protect my queen with my horse.
279
00:15:59,378 --> 00:16:01,483
I'll take your horse-
280
00:16:01,547 --> 00:16:04,858
your knight-
with my bishop.
281
00:16:04,917 --> 00:16:09,457
Then I'll just
say... checkers.
282
00:16:12,091 --> 00:16:14,128
- “Checkmate?
- Whatever.
283
00:16:15,361 --> 00:16:17,841
Howard, you've played
chess before, haven't you?
284
00:16:17,897 --> 00:16:20,377
Yeah, I think
I played once. Um-
285
00:16:20,433 --> 00:16:22,913
You wanna play
for money this time?
286
00:16:22,968 --> 00:16:26,279
Hi. Bob.
could you help me?
287
00:16:26,338 --> 00:16:28,477
I've got more of
Jerry's stuff in the car.
288
00:16:28,541 --> 00:16:31,852
Yeah, I'll helpyou by leaving it in the car
'causejerrys not gonna go anywhere.
289
00:16:31,911 --> 00:16:35,324
- Well, then how come he sold all his furniture?
- He can buy new furniture.
290
00:16:35,381 --> 00:16:39,056
Ifjerry was gonna leave, he would've left
with Courtney, and she's been gone over a week.
291
00:16:39,118 --> 00:16:41,428
The time to worry is when
Jerry buys an airline ticket.
292
00:16:41,487 --> 00:16:44,366
- Well, he bought it today.
- Yeah, I picked it up for him.
293
00:16:44,423 --> 00:16:46,699
Well, he can, uh-
he can always cash it in.
294
00:16:46,759 --> 00:16:49,569
I mean, every couple of years,
]erry's always doing this.
295
00:16:49,628 --> 00:16:51,904
I mean, two years ago
it was California with his brother.
296
00:16:51,964 --> 00:16:54,103
He was gonna go in
the surfboard rental business.
297
00:16:54,166 --> 00:16:57,875
Then last year, he came up with a system.
He was gonna beat all the casinos in Las Vegas.
298
00:16:57,937 --> 00:17:01,009
The night before he was gonna leave,
he lost all his money in a poker game.
299
00:17:03,008 --> 00:17:05,887
Yeah, I remember that.
I won real big that night.
300
00:17:05,945 --> 00:17:09,415
Jerrys just gonna carry it as far as
he can before he backs out.
301
00:17:09,482 --> 00:17:12,691
Well, I hope you're right,
but I thinkyou're wrong.
302
00:17:12,752 --> 00:17:14,925
You know, in a way,
I envyjerry.
303
00:17:14,987 --> 00:17:16,967
I mean, I wish
we could do that.
304
00:17:17,022 --> 00:17:19,298
You know,just get away from
civilization for a while...
305
00:17:19,358 --> 00:17:21,497
be self-sufficient,
live off the land.
306
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:26,031
I mean,just-just kinda go
with the clothes on our back and...
307
00:17:26,098 --> 00:17:28,544
maybe my hair dryer.
308
00:17:29,535 --> 00:17:31,481
Bob, wanna go
out to dinner?
309
00:17:31,537 --> 00:17:34,108
I don't feel
like cooking tonight.
310
00:17:34,173 --> 00:17:36,779
Yeah, as soon as this,
uh- this game is finished.
311
00:17:38,444 --> 00:17:40,651
It's finished.
312
00:17:46,018 --> 00:17:48,328
Gee, I didn't see
that horse.
313
00:17:56,962 --> 00:17:59,602
Well, I'm, uh- I'm glad
we wrestled that exorcism thing...
314
00:17:59,665 --> 00:18:01,838
- out of you, Mr. Carlin.
- Yeah.
315
00:18:03,169 --> 00:18:05,615
It sure was cold
in there.
316
00:18:06,972 --> 00:18:10,215
Yeah, I never should've
seen that darn picture.
317
00:18:10,276 --> 00:18:12,779
Well, you just have to remember
how pictures affect you.
318
00:18:12,845 --> 00:18:15,086
I remember when you saw
The Godfiather, you came in...
319
00:18:15,147 --> 00:18:17,593
and threatened to bend
my eyes unless I cured you.
320
00:18:17,650 --> 00:18:20,631
Yeah, that's whyl can't
decide what to see tonight.
321
00:18:20,686 --> 00:18:23,064
Boys in the Band
at Planet of the Apes.
322
00:18:25,624 --> 00:18:28,468
- Planet of the Apes.
- Ah, yes.
323
00:18:28,527 --> 00:18:30,473
Planet of the Apes.
324
00:18:38,404 --> 00:18:41,180
Well, Bob, did you
say good-bye tojerry?
325
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,720
No, Carol, I didn't say good-bye
becausejerrys not leaving.
326
00:18:43,776 --> 00:18:46,256
Bob, it sure looks
to me like he's leaving.
327
00:18:46,312 --> 00:18:48,292
He went to Dr. Klein
to have his shots.
328
00:18:48,347 --> 00:18:51,055
Now, why in the world would anyone
do that if they weren't leaving?
329
00:18:51,116 --> 00:18:53,653
Well, it's just a dream, Carol.
He's gonna wake up soon.
330
00:18:53,719 --> 00:18:58,668
Boy, it's hard for me to believe
he'd throw it all away on somebody like that.
331
00:18:58,724 --> 00:19:02,570
- Didn't you like Courtney?
- Courtney? Oh, was that her name?
332
00:19:03,529 --> 00:19:06,476
Well, you know,
she was okay...
333
00:19:06,532 --> 00:19:09,979
in a, uh,
cheap sort ofway.
334
00:19:10,035 --> 00:19:12,015
Okay, that about
wraps it up.
335
00:19:12,071 --> 00:19:14,176
Know anybody who could use
a half jar of pumice?
336
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,914
- Not offhand.
- Okay. Uh, Bob...
337
00:19:16,976 --> 00:19:20,014
this is really kind of a tough
thing for me to say, but-
338
00:19:20,079 --> 00:19:22,218
Here it comes.
339
00:19:22,281 --> 00:19:26,229
I want you to take care
of happy tooth for me.
340
00:19:26,285 --> 00:19:28,993
Jerry, you're really kinda taking this down
to the wire, aren't you?
341
00:19:29,054 --> 00:19:32,763
I don't know what you mean by that,
but I would like you to drive me to the airport.
342
00:19:32,825 --> 00:19:36,272
- I just sold my car.
- Sure, I wilLjer. I have one more appointment.
343
00:19:36,328 --> 00:19:38,740
Good, because I have
one more thing to do too.
344
00:19:38,797 --> 00:19:41,573
Bob, now, if he's gonna back out,
he'd better do it soon.
345
00:19:41,634 --> 00:19:44,012
Carol, he'sjust looking
for the right time.
346
00:19:44,069 --> 00:19:46,345
That's why he wants us to go
to the airport with him.
347
00:19:46,405 --> 00:19:48,851
So we can help him talk himself out of it.
348
00:19:48,908 --> 00:19:51,354
Tomorrow, he'll be back at work.
Business as usual.
349
00:19:51,410 --> 00:19:54,186
Take it easy now. This is a delicate
piece of equipment. Excuse me.
350
00:19:54,246 --> 00:19:57,523
Don't scratch the plastic.
I'll be back in a minute, guys.
351
00:19:57,583 --> 00:19:59,961
That's right,
Easy does it. Easy.
352
00:20:00,019 --> 00:20:02,260
Uh, correct me
ifl'm wrong, Bob...
353
00:20:02,321 --> 00:20:05,859
but wasn't thatjerry
leaving with his chair?
354
00:20:05,925 --> 00:20:09,532
Yeah, but there's a very good
explanation for that. He's, uh-
355
00:20:09,595 --> 00:20:11,597
He's making a house call.
356
00:20:15,868 --> 00:20:17,939
[No Audible Dialogue]
357
00:20:20,506 --> 00:20:22,713
Gee, I'm sorry that
Howard and Emily aren't here...
358
00:20:22,775 --> 00:20:25,415
- but I gotta get on that plane soon.
- SureJerry.
359
00:20:25,477 --> 00:20:27,548
Well,just think,
in 24 hours...
360
00:20:27,613 --> 00:20:30,116
I'll be watching the Tahitian
sunset with my shoes off...
361
00:20:30,182 --> 00:20:32,128
drinking coconut wine
with Courtney...
362
00:20:32,184 --> 00:20:34,130
roasting sand dabs
over an open fire.
363
00:20:34,186 --> 00:20:36,632
Look,jerry, all kidding aside,
if you're gonna back out...
364
00:20:36,689 --> 00:20:38,828
do it now 'cause otherwise
you're gonna look stupid.
365
00:20:38,891 --> 00:20:41,565
- He's really going, Bob.
- He is not.
366
00:20:41,627 --> 00:20:43,664
Okay. Okay, he isn't.
367
00:20:43,729 --> 00:20:46,642
But in case he is,
I think I'm gonna cry.
368
00:20:46,699 --> 00:20:50,613
OhJerry, I'm really
gonna miss you,you big lug.
369
00:20:50,669 --> 00:20:53,513
- Aw, Carol.
- Now, listen, take real good care of Courtney...
370
00:20:53,572 --> 00:20:55,677
'cause she's
a wonderful girl.
371
00:20:56,775 --> 00:20:58,812
If you like that type.
372
00:20:58,877 --> 00:21:01,323
Oh,jerry.
Thank goodness you're still here.
373
00:21:01,380 --> 00:21:04,020
Howard is having trouble
getting through the metal detector...
374
00:21:04,083 --> 00:21:06,962
but they let me
go on ahead of him.
375
00:21:07,019 --> 00:21:09,727
Man On P.A.]
Final boarding call. Flight 96.
376
00:21:09,788 --> 00:21:11,790
Luau service to Tahiti,
377
00:21:11,857 --> 00:21:13,859
This is the final
boarding call.
378
00:21:15,294 --> 00:21:17,865
Gee, I don't know
what to say at a time like this.
379
00:21:17,930 --> 00:21:21,639
Well, all I can say is,jerry,
I wish you all good things.
380
00:21:22,735 --> 00:21:25,875
- Carol-
- I hate long good-byes.
381
00:21:25,938 --> 00:21:30,250
- Bob-
- Look,jerry, don't be afraid of losing face.
382
00:21:31,410 --> 00:21:33,151
You're right.
383
00:21:38,050 --> 00:21:40,963
Bob, take care of
happy tooth while I'm gone.
384
00:21:41,020 --> 00:21:43,899
Yeah, I'll walk him when
I get home tonighLjerry.
385
00:21:49,461 --> 00:21:51,964
Can you believe
the sense of drama?
386
00:21:52,031 --> 00:21:55,171
He's gonna go all the way
to the plane before he has to come back.
387
00:21:55,234 --> 00:21:57,180
Wow,
388
00:22:00,939 --> 00:22:04,409
You've got to hand it to those security guards.
They don't miss a trick.
389
00:22:04,476 --> 00:22:08,014
What'd they nail you for, Howard?
Indecent exposure?
390
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:10,492
No, my magnetic
chess set.
391
00:22:10,549 --> 00:22:13,587
Howard, you-you played chess before.
You're a hustler, aren't you?
392
00:22:13,652 --> 00:22:15,598
No, I'm not!
393
00:22:15,654 --> 00:22:18,658
Got time for a quick game?
394
00:22:18,724 --> 00:22:21,603
Yeah. We're just sitting here
waiting forjerry to come back.
395
00:22:21,660 --> 00:22:24,106
Bob, he is not coming back.
396
00:22:24,163 --> 00:22:26,507
- He already said good-bye.
- Oh, has he left?
397
00:22:26,565 --> 00:22:29,739
I wanted to tell him about
this great restaurant in Tahiti.
398
00:22:29,802 --> 00:22:31,804
That's all right.
He'll be back in a minute.
399
00:22:31,870 --> 00:22:35,875
Well, it doesn't matter. They only have one
good restaurant in Tahiti. He'll find it.
400
00:22:35,941 --> 00:22:38,512
- [Carol ] There he goes.
- He is not going.
401
00:22:38,577 --> 00:22:40,579
[Emily] Oh, I hope
he has a safe trip.
402
00:22:40,646 --> 00:22:43,991
Don't worry.
Those planes are terrific.
403
00:22:44,049 --> 00:22:46,154
He is not going.
404
00:22:57,029 --> 00:22:59,031
Well, that's it.
He's gone.
405
00:23:06,071 --> 00:23:08,517
Well, I'm not gonna
stand here and wait for...
406
00:23:08,574 --> 00:23:10,918
that stupid plane to
turn all the way around.
407
00:23:13,278 --> 00:23:16,589
Why don't we, uh- Why don't we
go back to the house and wait for him?
408
00:23:37,569 --> 00:23:39,515
Doorbell Buzzes 1
409
00:23:39,571 --> 00:23:42,051
-just a minute.
- [ Doorbell Buzzing]
410
00:23:42,107 --> 00:23:44,053
justa minute!
411
00:23:45,043 --> 00:23:46,989
Hi, Emily.
412
00:23:47,045 --> 00:23:49,525
Lefry!
413
00:23:49,581 --> 00:23:52,585
Jerry, are you back?
Are you really back?
414
00:23:52,651 --> 00:23:55,029
- I don't believe it!
- Yeah, I'm glad to be back too.
415
00:23:55,087 --> 00:23:57,363
Boy, a month in Tahiti
is a long time.
416
00:23:57,422 --> 00:24:00,494
Well, come on in.
Let me take a look at you.
417
00:24:00,559 --> 00:24:03,005
Jerry, you're
awful fuzzy.
418
00:24:03,061 --> 00:24:05,871
Yeah, I got a bottle of coconut wine
for you and Bob.
419
00:24:05,931 --> 00:24:08,377
- Let's open it up.
- Oh, dear, how sweet.
420
00:24:08,433 --> 00:24:10,674
Gee, I'm glad you're back.
421
00:24:10,736 --> 00:24:13,580
Wait till Bob sees you.
I mean, he won't believe it.
422
00:24:13,639 --> 00:24:16,313
]er- Uh,jerry,
how come you are back?
423
00:24:16,375 --> 00:24:19,879
Oh. Courtney went off to Uganda.
I didn't feel like going.
424
00:24:19,945 --> 00:24:22,391
She thought Tahiti
was too... plastic.
425
00:24:22,447 --> 00:24:26,395
She said she'd wait for me in Zaire,
but I didn't feel like going.
426
00:24:26,451 --> 00:24:28,658
Well, you had
a good time, didn't you?
427
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,666
Not really.
I couldn't work over there.
428
00:24:30,722 --> 00:24:33,328
- Why not?
- There's no teeth.
429
00:24:34,860 --> 00:24:37,807
Tahitians lose them
in their teens, on purpose.
430
00:24:37,863 --> 00:24:41,072
- They think it's attractive.
- I guess you can't put braces on gums.
431
00:24:41,133 --> 00:24:44,205
- Right.
- Can you-
432
00:24:45,537 --> 00:24:47,483
Oh, Bob.
Bob, look who's here.
433
00:24:47,539 --> 00:24:50,486
Hi, Bob.
434
00:24:50,542 --> 00:24:53,989
'Jerry, is- is that you?
- lfsjerry.
435
00:24:54,046 --> 00:24:56,322
I knew
you wouldn't go.
436
00:25:35,821 --> 00:25:37,425
[ Mews]
37264
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