All language subtitles for The Bob Newhart Show s02e21 - A Love Story

- [ Rings]
- Hello?

I'm a- afraid
our time is up.

Oh, okay. I just wish
I knew what to do.

I mean, maybe I should
cut the cord completely.

Move out of the house
and get a job.

Well, that's a possibility.
You could move out and support yourself.

Sure. Maybe I could work
in my father's store.

Look who's here, Bob-
your mother.

- Oh, hi, Mom.
- Hello, Sonny, dear.

Dr. Hartley, is this
really your mother?

Yes, it is. Uh, Mom,
this is Michelle Nardo.

My psychologist's mother.
That's really heavy.

- Nice to meet you too.
- You raised a wonderful son.

Well, thank you, but it wasn't easy.
He was quite a little scamp.

- Really?
- Oh, he was a frisky little dickens...

especially when it was time for his bath.

Everybody in town knew
when it was bath time at the Hartleys'.

Oh, the screen door would slam...

and out would run Sonny
into the street stark naked.

[Laughing]
Really?

It's hard to picture Dr. Hartley-

Uh, Michelle, do you want
to catch your elevator?

Oh,yeah. Well, bye, Mrs. Hartley.
You're a wonderful mother.

I bet I'd be a different person today
if my parents had let me run around naked.

Well, Mom, can I treat you to lunch?

Oh, no, dear. I really can't stay.

But there is something
very important I'd like to tell you.

Uh, it'll only takejust a minute.

Oh, sure. Um, Carol,
no calls, no interruptions.

Right, Bob. You frisky
little dickens, you.

Very funny.

My, my, Sonny, that couch
certainly looks worn.

Yeah, I know, Mom.

But in my business, it just means
you're- you're doing very well.

Oh.

Robert, as you know, there's
a long-standing tradition in our family...

where the mother makes
all of the important announcements.

Yes, I-l know, Mom. I remember
in the summer of 1945...

you called us in the living room
and announced the war was over.

But this announcement is even
more important than the war.

It's about your sister Ellen.
She's 32 years old now.

Mom, I don't think they're
gonna stop the presses for that.

As you know,
for the past five years...

she andjohn Tobin
have been, uh, dating together.

Well, at long last, the date is over.

And now it gives me great pride...

to announce the marriage of
Ellen Marie Hartley to Mr.john Emil Tobin.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh? You're not even surprised.

Well, Ellen called me
last night and told me.

Oh. Did you knowjohn personally
wanted you to be his best man?

- Yes. Yes, I did.
- Oh.

Did you know her silver
pattern is called Rosalie?

No. No, I didn't.

Good. Then that's my announcement.

Bob, if they can play football
in this kind of weather...

how come they can't play baseball?

- E-Emily, are you serious?
- Yeah.

Well, the- the pitching is different.

I mean, uh,you know,
to control the, uh-

And, you know, it cuts your, uh-

it cuts your visibility and, uh-

Plus, you know, with the guys
sliding into the bases...

you know, they could, uh-

I don't know why they do it,
but they do it.

Well, cheer up, honey.
It's only a game.

Emily, do you think it'll let up?

[ Thunderclap; ]

Well, maybe a little.

Oh, there's no hope.
We're rained out.

Well,you gotta admit, Bob,
I picked a perfect day...

- to give your sister a shower.
- [Chuckles]

Yeah, and I'm- I'm stuck here.
In a few minutes, a horde of women...

led by myAuntjessica
are gonna come crashing-

crashing through that door
loaded with Tupperware.

Well, honey, why don't you go in the
bedroom and watch a game on television?

There aren't any games on television.

- Why don't you go in the den and catch
up on your reading? - I'm all caught up.

Want me to give you a quarter
so you can go to the movies?

[Laughing]

W-Wait a minute. Now, this
is my house. l-lt's my sister.

I mean, I can-l can stay
wherever I want.

Well, fine.

But, uh, could wherever
you wanna stay be over there?

I mean, nobody's gonna mind, right?

Of course not.
As a matter of fact, you can help.

- Well, how can I help?
- [ Doorbell Buzzes ]

Well, you could answer the door.

Well, that's a start. Then I can build
my way up to more important things.

Hi, Bob!

- Hello, Ellen.
- Oh, wow!

- You look- You lookjust-just terrific.
- Oh, thanks. So do you.

- Oh, Emily!
- Hi, Ellen.

It's so good to see you.

It's nice you're all
so glad to see each other.

- Oh!
- Oh, I-

I didn't even know you were there, Mom.
We're glad to see you too.

- Hi, Mom.
- Thank you, dear.

Wow. You know, it's been almost a year,
I think, since we've seen each other.

- At least.
- How are your antiques?

- Oh,john's fine.
- Oh, Ellen!

- John's not that old.
- He's as old as Bob.

- [Chuckles] - Well, so you finally
decided to go ahead with it, huh?

- Oh, yeah. Emily, it was so romantic.
- Yeah?

Yeah, I was in the back of the antique
store, stripping a Welsh hutch...

andjohn came in, and he took my hands,
and he looked in my eyes and said...

“Do you wanna go ahead
with it or not?“

Oh, I mean, it's really hard to say no when
you're bowled over like that, you know?

I remember when your father
proposed to me. He wasn't even there.

Yeah, but he- he left a note.

Mm-hmm. It said: “Dear Martha,
Let's get hitched next Sunday.

Be back Saturday. Gone fishing.
Yours very truly, Herb Hartley.“

Oh, I just turn to mush
every time I tell that story.

Yeah, we- we all do.

- [ Doorbell Buzzes ]
- Well, that's the girls.

- Yeah.
- Sonny, don't you have someplace to go...

- something to do?
- No.

Mom, Bob can stay.
He'll probably enjoy it.

- [ Laughs ] Well, here we go.
- Okay.

- Hi.
- Hello, hello!

Let me see now. Emily, darling,
put the packages on that table right there.

- All right.
- That'll bejust fine.

And, Robert, you may hang up all the coats,
all the hats, and take these wet umbrellas.

Please.

Uh, you wanna give me
my quarter for the movies now?

- Bye-bye.
- Bye. Thanks.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- [ Chattering, Giggling]
- I'm sorry.

Howard,you look like a salmon
trying to get upstream.

- What is this, a rummage sale?
- No, it's a shower.

A shower? Bob, what are you
doing at a shower?

What does anybody do at a shower?

You swap recipes, you gossip
about the people that aren't here...

and you compare your wedding nights.

Sounds like fun. I, uh- Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know you had company.

Oh, uh, Howard, this is-
this is my sister, Ellen.

- Hi, Howard.
- Hi.

Ellen. Gee, that's a-
that's a pretty name.

I heard Bob had a sister,
but I didn't know how much.

[Laughs]

I mean, there are sisters,
and there are sisters.

Uh, Bob, can I
talk toyou a minute?

Uh, sure, Howard.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

- Bob?
- What?

I love her.

Howard, you don't know
what you're saying.

- No, I really love her!
- Howard, shh. Don't say that.

I've never felt this way before.
Not even with Lois.

I mean, with- with Eileen,
the way she looked at me-

- Howard, Ellen.
- Right.

The way Ellen looked at me,
the way she- the way she laughed...

the way she kind of tilted her head.

Howard, you can't fall in love with
someone you-youjust met 3O seconds ago.

- Why not? - Well, you- you don't
know anything about each other.

You- You don't know
if you have anything in common.

I mean, you don't know
if she's attracted to you.

And the main thing you don't know
is she's getting married next Sunday.

- Sunday?
- That's right, Howard.

Boy, I better work fast.

Didn't Ellen and Howard
look cute together last night?

You know, Emily, I think
you've sunk to a new low.

I mean,you've been matchmaker
to a lot of people...

but never to somebody who's
six days away from the altar.

You know, Bob, wheneverl look
at a snapshot of john and Ellen together...

it's like that test
I give my third-graders-

you know, “What's
wrong with this picture?“

Well, I thinkifsjohn.

Emily, I-l don't think
it's really your problem.

It's just thatjohn doesn't
sound right for Ellen.

I mean, she's so- she's so full of life
and energy, you know?

She's- She's just so full of, uh-

- I was gonna say pep.
- Morning.

Hi, dear. You want me to make you
some breakfast? Bacon, eggs, toast,jam?

Emily, no. Emily, please.
just some coffee-

black coffee
in a plain black mug.

Okay. I'll see what I can do.

- You always were a slow starter, weren't you?
- Mm, I know.

Every morning when I wake up, it takes my
face a half an hour to fall back into place.

Look closely, and you can see the muscles
kind of shifting and settling.

Do I have to?

- Well, here you are.
- Oh, thanks, Emily. Thanks.

Thanks again
for the terrific shower.

Oh, don't be silly.
It was fun for all of us.

Yeah, I'm glad I was there.

Otherwise, I would've been one of the hundreds
who was raked over the coals last night.

Don't worry. I told all about you
five years ago when Emily had her shower.

Yeah, that's right.
But I married you anyhow.

Because I love you so much.
just the way Ellen lovesjohn, right?

- Emily.
- Huh?

You wanna know
ifl'm in love withjohn.

Well, uh-

Emily, I am.
He's good to me, and, uh-

and we're comfortable together.

You know, I figured as long as I'm planning
on having children, I might as well be married.

Gee, and Mom always
thought you were weird.

[Laughs]

Yeah, but the best thing aboutjohn is that
all he ever wants for breakfast is black coffee.

Oh, well, those are
some good reasons, but-

Uh, Emily, I, uh-l have to catch a train.
What-What are your plans?

- Oh, I've gotta go too.
- Good.

Now listen, if you want breakfast later,
I left some cold cereal.

- We'll see you after work. Bye, darling.
- All right. Thanks. Bye-bye.

And just-just don't wander around
the building until your face settles.

[Laughing]
Yeah. Bye.

- [ Door Closes]
- [ Sighs]

- [Knocking]
- Uh, who is it?

- It's me.
- Oh. Hi, Howard.

Hi. Uh, where's Bob and Emily?

Howard, you just missed them.
They just went to work.

- Didn't you see them go?
- No. I usually hear them.

I must have been taking
a shower or something.

Gee, uh, can I do anything for you?

Well, I was going
to take down the garbage.

I thought it would be nice if I took down
their garbage too. You know, the energy crisis.

Howard, do you always dress like that
to take the garbage down?

Well, you never know who
you're gonna run into. [ Laughs]

[Laughing ] Yeah. Oh, Howard,
forgive the way I look.

Forgive? I mean,you look beautiful.

I mean, you really gotta look beautiful
to look that natural.

I mean, you're naturally beautiful.
I mean, you're beautifully natural.

I mean-l mean,you're really beautiful.

Well, uh, would you, uh-

would you like a little breakfast?

No, no breakfast.
I'll have some black coffee.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I just had a big stack of pancakes
just swimming in syrup.

Pancakes swimming in syrup.
That makes me sick.

Yeah, me too.

All I can ever choke down
in the morning is cold cereal.

Oh, that'd be fine,
I like that.

Oh, okay.

Howard, tell me, uh, do you always
make yourself such a big breakfast-

you know, uh, pancakes
swimming in syrup?

Well, when you're alone, you've
gotta be resourceful and self-sufficient.

Uh, here. Here, let-
let me helpyou with that.

There you go.

- That was really nice.
- It was nothing.

You know, you know
what I hate doing alone?

I hate ironing alone.
Ironing is-is so lonely.

You're right.
Ironing is lonely.

You know, Ellen, I, uh-
I like you a lot.

Howard, please.
I like you a lot too, but-

I mean,you're really
a nice guy, but-

- What are you doing tonight?
- I'm having a wedding rehearsal.

- What time do you get off?
- About nine-

Howard, this is crazy.

I'm getting married on Sunday, and
john's coming into town tomorrow night.

- Want me to pick him up at the airport?
- No.

What are you doing this morning?
I mean, after breakfast?

- I'm-l'm picking up my wedding dress.
- Can I drive you?

- No. No, I thought I'd take a cab.
- No, no. No cabs.

H-Howard, you must have
something to do today.

No, no. I'm as free as the breeze.

All I have to do is make a call
to Mom and Dad and cancel.

Oh, is it anything important?

No, no. It's their golden wedding
anniversary. I'll get 'em next time.

Carol, you've been working
at your desk all day.

Why don't you go out for lunch?

Because I love my job, Bob.

And because I'm loyal and dedicated,
and I find my work inspirational.

And because I have a date,
and I'm taking the afternoon off.

Oh.

Hey, Bob!
Dodgers are in town.

The weather's perfect. What do you say we take
the afternoon off and use our rain checks?

I'd love to,jerry, but I'm gonna have
to take a rain check on the rain check.

- I have a patient this afternoon.
- Mm, no you don't, Bob.

- Mr. Gianelli called and canceled.
- That's great.

- Well, I'm ready. I've got a
raincoat and a rain check. - Okay.

- Oh, hLJer. Hi, Bob.
- Hi, Howard.

Howard, what-
what are you doing?

Uh, excuse me.
Bob, can I speak to you a minute?

- Just a-just a secondJerry. Wait for me.
- Right.

- What is it, Howard?
- Well, it's personal.

- Jerry,just two minutes.
- Sure.

Wait for me.
I'll be right with you.

What- What is it, Howard?

It's about your sister.

Jerry, why don't you
go on without me. I'm sorry.

That's okay, Bob. I don't mind
going to the game alone.

I'm not doing anything.

Uh, Carol, no calls,
no interruptions.

- Oh, what if your sister calls?
- Uh, I'll take it!

Howard, you look awful. You look
like you've been up half the night.

- All night. Thinking of a way.
- A way to what?

To put what is about to be
joined together asunder.

I've only got 38 hours.

You're certainly taking it
right down to the wire, Howard.

I've gotta do something, or it's gonna be
too late. It's gonna be all over.

Howard, how can something
that never happened be all over?

What do you mean
it never happened?

I was with her
all clay yesterday.

I helped her pick out
her wedding dress.

Picked up the bridesmaids' outfits.
I picked up the tuxedos.

Yours looked great.

She showed me her- her silver pattern,
and it was called Rosemary.

- Rosalie.
- Right.

And then today- Wow, we had breakfast
together and had lunch together.

We picked up the rings.

Then when I took her home, I had this
tremendous urge to kiss her good afternoon.

Bob, that's just not the end of it.

- I have this tremendous feeling toward her-
- Howard. Howard.

Let's- Let's not forget that, you know,
we're- we're talking about my sister.

I'm sorry. Bob.
Sorry, Bob.

Howard, maybe
it's just a physical thing.

You know, maybe
you thinkyou're in love...

but what you really love
is, you know, uh...

her, uh- her body.

Her body? Her body?
I love her mind.

I love her soul.
I love her guts.

Howard, I-l really
know how you feel.

Good. Now all we have to do
is get rid of john.

- We? - Yeah, we gotta get rid of
john sol can talk sense into her.

Howard, let- let me
talk some sense into you.

Ellen andjohn Tobin
have been going together for five years.

They-They love each other.
I mean, all the plans are made.

There's- There's nothing
I can do about it.

There's- There's nothing
you can do about it.

I mean, even if I wanted to, I couldn't
do anything about it, and- and I don't.

- Okay, here's my plan. [ Mumbling]
- Howard.

It's over.

You mean, that's it? It's over?

That's it, Howard. You'rejust-
just gonna have to face it.

Well, I guess I'll just
have to face it like a man then.

[Sobbing]

[Sobbing Continues]

- ♪♪ [ Singing, indistinct] Come in.

- Hi.
- Hi, Emily.

Uh, everything, uh, okay?

Yeah, everything's okay.
I didn't have anything else to do...

so I thought I might as well
catch up on my ironing.

Oh, well, I thought
you might like some company.

- Thanks. Can I get you a drink?
- No.

- Instant tea?
- Mm-mmm.

- Instant coffee?
- No.

- A quart of bourbon?
- [ Laughs]

No, thank you, Howard.

-;;[Humming]
- Howard.

Is there anything you
want to, uh, talk about?

No, there's nothing on my mind.
Nothing at all.

So tonight'sjohn's big stag party, huh?

Yeah, that's- that's where Bob is.

What's the bride doing while the groom
is cavorting in drunken revelry?

Uh, she's- she's at her
mother's house, Howard.

- Think I should give her a call? - No, I don't
think so. She's packing for her honeymoon.

Oh, right, the honeymoon.

Thinktomorrow night
at this time they'll be-

How can she do this to me?

Oh, Howard, a week ago
she didn't even know you.

I know. I know. But I just can't
get over her. She was so wonderful.

Howard, you will get over her, and you
will find another girl just as wonderful.

Yeah. That's easy for you to say.
You've already got somebody wonderful.

You've got Ellen's brother.

But I'm all alone,
and it's rough being alone.

Oh, I know, Howard.

- Emily?
- Yeah.

Would you mind?
I want to be alone.

Oh, sure. Of course, Howard.
Now listen, you know...

- if you- if you need anything, you know-
- Thanks.

I'll be right- right there.just-

- Good night.
- Bye, Howard.

♪♪ [ Slowjazz]

[inaudible]

- [Knocking]
- Come in.

- Hi, Howard.
- Ellen!

- Oh- Oh, hi, Howard.
- Hi.

Well, I, uh-l called it off.

- What?
- I'm not getting married.

- [ Laughs] Really?
- Really.

- Was it because of me?
- Oh, yes. It was all because of you.

- Really?
- Really.

- More tea, Mom?
- Oh, not right now. Thank you.

L, uh- I have an important
announcement to make.

As you know, the marriage
between Ellen Marie andjohn Emil Tobin...

has been, uh, postponed indefinitely...

andjohn has gone back to Cleveland
to devote his full time to his corporation.

- We know that, Mom. - What you didn't know
is that there will be a wedding anyway.

To avoid the embarrassment...

caused by canceling the church
and the guests and all...

your father and I are going to renew
our vows at the scheduled time.

- We knew that too, Mom.
- You did?

Yeah, Dad called us
last night from the lake...

- and he- he told us.
- He did?

Yeah, he also said he might be a few minutes
late because the bass are biting.

Well, you knew that, didn't you, Mom?

Oh, yes, I knew that.

[Nervous Laughing]
Of course I knew that.

[ Mews]