All language subtitles for The Bob Newhart Show s02e19 - Clink Shrink

- [ Rings]
- Hello.

- Hi, honey. I'm home.
- How areyou?

Me? Oh, I'm fine.

Just a normal day,
cooking, cleaning...

waiting for my husband to come home
and give me a great, big...

television set.

- Ah. How was your day?
- Oh, fine.

I had one case of depression,
one case of crying jag...

a migraine headache
and a case of hysterical acting.

In other words, normal.

Except for the migraine headache.
That was mine.

The only thing that got me through
was the thought...

that I would be able to spend Monday night
alone with you, dear.

- [ Remote Clicks] - [ Man] That's the end
of the action-packed first quarter...

with the score:
Bears 21 , Vikings 21.

Oh, great. I only missed
six touchdowns...

- [TV Continues, indistinct]
- or I 4 field goals.

- Bob, your mother called.
- I'll call her tomorrow.

- She called twice.
- I'll call her twice tomorrow.

- And Ben called about the card game.
- I'll call him tomorrow.

- Andjoliet Prison called.
-[Clicks OffTV]

Joliet Prison?
What-What are they calling me about?

- You get the number?
- It's right over there on the pad.

I wonder why they
want to talk to me.

“Mr. Freeman.“

Did he sound mad?

No. He just said call
and ask for that number.

Uh,joliet Prison?
Could you connect me with, uh, 1596?

Not the man, the extension.

Mr. Freeman?
Yeah, this is Dr. Hartley.

Yes, I've heard about
your rehabilitation program.

Well, I'm honored
you'd ask me to help.

What night would that be?

Monday night.

Gee, uh, Monday night is the only night
I get to spend alone with my wife.

Uh,21-21.

Yeah, well, uh, could I think about it
and call you back?

Will you still be
at this number?

Could you speak up a little?
I can't hearyou over the sirens.

Some of the boys
are taking a break?

Making a break.

Yeah, I understand
why you have to run.

Fine. I'll talk to you later.

Bob, what'd he want?

Oh, they want a psychologist
to work with their parolees.

- You thinkyou're gonna do it?
- Well, I don't know, Emily.

Three nights of the week,
I'm busy.

Tuesday and Thursday,
I've got group.

Wednesday is free clinic,
and, uh, Monday night-

Oh, well.
Don't worry, honey.

It's a good cause. You can give up
your Monday nights with me.

Well, let's see
how the Bears do.

-[Clicks On TV]
- [ Man] Incredible! Well,you saw it.

There's certainly nothing
I can add to that.

The score now:
Bears 31 , Vikings 28.

- Now, here's the kickoff. [Continues indistinct]
- Bob! Emily!

- My apartment's been robbed! - That's
all right. You can watch the game here.

- I'm not kidding. I've been robbed.
- You're kidding.

- I'm not kidding.
- You're kidding.

You know how you are.
You have a tendency to misplace things.

How do you misplace a 3,000-pound
water bed? Come on. I'll show you.

[Man]
He takes the snap. The blitz is on.

It's a play-action pass
out to the flat- complete.

It looks like it's gonna be
out-of-bounds for short yardage.

Wait a minute!
What a move!

- Touchdown!
- [Clicks OffTV]

The place looks as bare
as the clay you moved in.

- Barer. When I moved in, I had drapes.
- Oh.

They sure did a good job,
didn't they?

Yeah. Look at this.
They took my name off the door.

All they left
is my vacuum cleaner.

Well, now would be a good time
to clean your rugs, Howard.

Wrong.

[Flipping Switch]
It's broken.

Howard, have you called the police?

Call the police?
Look at this.

They took my phone.

It must have happened
when I was in Paris.

How did they know
I was out of town anyway?

Howard, they see a guy walking out ofan
apartment building carrying three suitcases...

they know he's not going
for a newspaper.

Do you think that's how
they really do it...

just watch and wait
in the shadows like that?

It gives you the creeps to think
that the underworld is out there...

just lurking,
waiting to pounce on you.

- What about the bedroom? They hit that?
- Yeah.

Boy, I tell you,
those guys are real pros.

All they left is a puddle
where my water bed used to be.

They even took my-
my plastic lawn furniture.

And my plastic lawn.
All that's left is the view.

You're fully insured, aren't you,
Howard?

No, I don't know
who my insurance company is.

My policy was in my former desk.

I don't know what to do.
Where do you start?

How do you decorate an apartment
around a vacuum cleaner?

Howard, now, don't worry.
You have insurance.

When you get the money,
you'll get all-new furniture.

I'll helpyou pick it out,
and it'll look nicer than it ever did.

Didn't you like
my furniture before?

Oh, honey, I meant
it'll look newer than it did before.

I mean, Howard, I always thought you
needed more plants there...

and maybe a functional sofa here.

No, I think the sofa would be
over here where the desk was.

- I thinkyou'd like a Parsons table over there.
- What do you think, Bob?

Well, it's kind of hard
to redecorate air.

Uh, I thinkyou ought
to call the police...

and tell them to be on the lookout for a-
a leaky furniture truck.

That's a good idea. I'll go down
to the police station and file a report.

I've gotta stop by the surplus store
and get a sleeping bag.

Howard, don't do that.
You can sleep on our sofa.

There are, uh, a few other sofas
I'd like to try first.

Well, look, I'll see you, okay?

Howard, is there anything
we can do for you?

Would you keep an eye
on the place for me?

- [Clicks On TV]
- [Crowd Cheering]

You know, Bob, I don't care
what the mayor says.

I think there's
a lot of crime in Chicago.

- Right. - [ Man] So much for the
game's highlights of the first half.

Now let's go back down
to the field...

where wejoin the Clokey High School
Marching Band...

and their salute
to kitchen utensils.

You know, when something
like this happens...

it makes you feel so vulnerable.

I don't think
our chain lock is enough.

In New York, they have chains
and triple locks and iron bars.

- Maybe we ought to move to New York.
- We ought to get a new lock.

I'll buy a new lock, but I really think
the one we have is good enough.

Howard.

Gee, I'm sorry, Emily. You usually
don't keep your door chained.

- Why bother?
- What did the police say, Howard?

Well, I didn't talk to them. Bob, I need you
to drive me down to the police station.

What for?

My car was stolen.

Emily, when I get back,
remind me to calljoliet Prison.

I didn't know
they caught 'em that fast.

- No, this is something else, Howard.
-[Clicks On TV]

Emily, keep track of the highlights
for when I get back.

Sure, Bob.

[Man]
The pass is in the air. It's a long bomb.

McKinsey's free in the corner
of the end zone.

- He leaps high in the air-
-[Clicks OffTV]

I Typing]

Um, Carol, Miles Lascoe
isn't here yet?

Well, no, Bob.
Bob, I'll tell you when he gets here.

I've never withheld
a patient from you.

Bob, are you nervous
about something?

I guess I'm a little nervous. it's the first time
I ever worked with a parolee.

If I knew what he looked like,
I could recognize him.

You want me to call the post office
and get a description?

Carol, I don't need people running around
making jailbird jokes.

Hey, Bob, is the crook here yet?

Miles Lascoe is not a crook.

What's he injail for, littering?

I don't know.
He's bringing his file.

They'll probably go easy on you.
It's your first time. You'rejust a beginner.

They'll probably send you someone
like a little accountant turned embezzler.

- [ Elevator Bell Dings]
- Maybe a forger.

They must think a lot of you, Bob.
They sent you a hit man.

Uh-Uh-

I'll just-
To the ladies' room.just-

- [Clears Throat] Hi.
- Hi. Are you the doctor?

Yes. How do you do?
I'm glad you're here...

and I'm sure I'll be able
to helpyou.

You didn't, uh-
You didn't bring your file.

All this wouldn't have happened if my kid brother
hadn't hit me in the nose when I was a kid.

Why don't we- Why don't we
come in the office?

Hey, Doc, do you think maybe
you could make it turn up a little?

Like that, huh?

Uh, there must be some mistake.

I thinkyou want Dr. Newman,
the plastic surgeon.

- You mean you don't do nosejobs?
- No. No.

He's, uh, down the hall.
Room 725.

Oh. Thank you.

I'm, uh- I'm Dr. Hartley.

Oh. Miles Lascoe.
I'm your crook.

- Have a seat.
- Do you mind if I just stand?

I've been sitting for three years.

Whatever makes you comfortable.

- Hey, that's a terrific painting.
- Oh, are you interested in paintings?

- Yes, I am. Original?
- Uh, no!

You're sure you don't want
to have a seat, Mr. Lascoe?

“Mr. Lascoe.“ Boy, that sounds great.
I like being called “Mr?

Yeah, I don't suppose
they, uh-

they treat you with a lot
of formalities in prison.

No. Most of the guys had a tendency
to skip the amenities.

Has anyone ever explained to you
about therapy- what it can do for you?

I talked to a shrink
a few times in prison.

Oh, really? Maybe he's an associate of mine.
What was his name?

Dr. Torch.

I don't think I know him.

That's just his nickname.
He was up on three counts of arson.

I'm sure our sessions will be
a lot different than Dr. Torch's.

Oh, see, now,
they weren't quite sessions.

They were more like card games.

Well, what-whatever.

Gee, that's a really nice mug sh-
uh, pic-picture of you.

Yeah. The wave was my idea.

I see you were sent up
on an 18.2.

- Yeah, that's right.
- What's the sentence for an 18.2?

- Five years to life.
- I didn't realize an I 8.2 was that serious.

Oh, yeah. Armed robbery
is quite serious, Dr. Hartley.

- Ar-Armed robbery?
- Yeah. Especially if you do it more than once.

You- You did it more than once?

- Oh, yeah. I robbed the same bank twice.
- A bank?

See, I didn't mean to rob it the second time.
Thatjust happened.

After I got out
of the Cook Countyjail...

I went back to the bank
to apologize to the people.

As soon as I walked in,
they all threw up their hands...

and I just started stuffing money.

But fortunately, I had
an empty suitcase with me.

Well, that might be a good
spot for us to get into...

what makes you become
a-a hold-

Um, heis- Uh-

Do what- do what you do.

- Oh, you mean why-why I take things?
- Yeah.

Because I want them.

Well, youjust- You can't just take things
because you-you want them.

- Why not?
- lt's- It's not right.

I mean, everybody wants things.
I mean, I want things.

But you just can't steal 'em
because you want 'em.

Well, like, what do you want?

Well, eventually, I'd like
a nice home in the country.

Whoa, that'd be tough to pull off.

What else do you want?

Season tickets to the Bears game,
but you have to inherit those.

No. I can get you season's tickets
to the Bears games.

I know quite a few guys
that aren't using theirs.

No, that-that's all right.

You like to watch the game
on television, don't you?

I like to watch it as long
as it doesn't interfere...

with Saturdays, Sundays
or Monday nights.

Then you know what you need?
You need a videotape machine...

so you can tape the game
when you're not watching it...

and watch it some night when it
doesn't matter like, um, Tuesday night.

Well, uh, see, Tuesday is group.

Um, Friday-

Shouldn't we be talking about you?

Yeah, I guess so. Yeah.

Well, before we start,
would you like a cup of coffee?

Oh, sure. That'd be great, uh,
as long as it's not in a tin cup.

Uh, Carol,
I'm with Mr. Lascoe.

Could you bring us in
two cups of coffee?

No, Carol, I'm fine.
That's not a code.

Yeah, we'd like-
We'd like two cups of coffee.

You know something?
I really like you.

As a matter of fact,
I trust you.

Well, thank you.
I like you too, Mr. Lascoe.

Well, let me give you
a little advice.

Never go to Detroit.

L-I wasn't planning on it,
but why-why not?

'Cause you look exactly
like this hood called Blinky Hicks.

And the minute-
The minute you step off that plane-

you're a dead man.

- Thanks for the tip.
- Sure.

Bob, how important
is this game?

[Man ] Welcome to Tiger Stadium, fans,
where the Chicago Bears...

meet the Detroit Lions
in a Central Division game...

that means virtually nothing
in the standings.

Don't listen to him, Emily.
Every game's important.

You know, Bob, I don't know
anything about football...

but when a man comes on and says
a game means absolutely nothing...

why do they even
bother to play?

It-lt's a matter of pride.
lfthe game doesn't mean anything...

then why are the stands
full of people?

They love football in Detroit.

Bob, look at that man in the stands
in the red jacket.

He looks just like you.

Oh, no!
Blinky, don't eat the hot dog!

Bob, what are you talking about?

Oh, nothing. lt'sjust something
Miles Lascoe mentioned.

- Oh, yeah. How's he doing?
- Fine. Fine. We're both learning a lot.

He's learning a little
about civilian life...

and I'm learning a lot
about prison life.

You know, you realize it's-
it's tough being cooped up in stir...

with a bull in the tower with his piece
trained on you all the time.

Bob, why are you
talking like that?

I don't know.

He doesn't talk like that.

- [ Laughing]
- [Knocking]

Well, it's Monday night. I just
settled down to watch the football game.

- That has to be Howard.
- Good. I'll have somebody to talk to.

- How are you, Dr. Hartley?
- Oh, hi- Hi, Miles.

Uh, come- Come on in.

Uh, Emily, this is, uh,
Miles Lascoe, the, uh-

the patient I was telling you about.

- Oh, the, uh, new pa- Hello. How do you do?
- I'm not interrupting, am I?

No, no. weTejust-just
watching the football game.

Oh, there's no need
to watch it tonight.

Here. Record it.
Enjoy it.

What, uh- What is it?

That's the videotape machine
you said you wanted.

I got a really good deal on it-
way below cost.

You shouldn't have done that. I mean, you-
You really shouldn't have done that.

No, wait a minute.
That's my way of saying thanks.

You've been great to me.

You don't let me pay for my sessions,
sol figured I'd get you something you wanted.

Mrs. Hartley, I would've gotten you
something, too, ifl'd known what you wanted.

- Oh, thank you.
- What do you want?

Nothing.

Listen, I can afford it. I've been working
at a gas station now for over a day.

Bob, Emily? Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know you had company.

- Miles, this is Howard Borden, our neighbor.
- Hi. How areyou?

I got the check from
the insurance company for the furniture.

- It covered everything.
- That's wonderful, Howard.

Hey, what happened?
Somebody hit your apartment?

Yeah. They cleaned me out. They took
everything but my broken vacuum cleaner.

That must be
the Hutchinson brothers.

They won't take anything
that's broken.

- Took my car too.
- Oh.

Then it couldn't be the Hutchinson brothers,
'cause they aren't into cars.

Kenny the Worm.

Wow. How do you know all this?
Are you a cop?

Well, not exactly. Um-

Well, as a matter of fact,
I just got out ofjoliet.

I served three years
for armed robbery.

- O h. - [Bob] Miles is a para/es.
I've been working with him.

That's nice.

- Imean, he's seeing me as a patient.
- Fine.

- Listen, about your apartment-
- I moved.

No, no, no.

You wanna see if I can
get your stuff back for you?

No, no. The insurance company
will cover everything.

At least let me send the Worm
up to apologize.

No, no.just...
tell the Worm everything's fine.

You're really lucky to have a neighbor like that.
I never had that kind of luck.

Miles, about this machine.

I know what you're thinking,
but don't worry about it.

Well, I wasn't thinking it was-
it was stolen or anything.

- That's good, 'cause it wasn't. I bought it.
- That's what I was thinking.

- You didn't think I stole it, did you?
- Me? No.

- Well, I gotta go pump some gas.
- Oh.

Yeah. Another day, another dollar.

- Uh, good night, Miles.
- Good night.

- Very-Very nice meeting you.
- Bye-bye.

Bob, I wanna talk to you.

- About what?
- About that tape machine.

You can use it too.

Bob, I think it's stolen.

Emily, the man swore on his honor
that it wasn't stolen.

Oh, fine. Now you take
the word of a bank robber.

Emily, Miles Lascoe may rob banks.

He may hang around with criminals.
But one thing- he's honest.

That doesn't sound right,
does it?

Good morning, Carol.

- [ Elevator Bell Dings]
- [ Groans]

Oh, Bob. Bob,
I'm really sorry I'm late.

I'm so sorry, but, this time,
I have a really good reason. Honest.

- What happened?
- I was getting into my car...

and this band of marauding gypsies-

They-They leapt upon me
and ate my car keys.

- Right. You wanna buzz me when
Mr. Lascoe comes in? - Yeah.

Miles, you're here a little early.

My, uh- My office is locked.
How'd you get in?

Oh, no problem.

Dr. Hartley, I'd like you
to meet my parole officer- Mr. Coolidge.

- Oh, nice to meet you.
- My pleasure.

What, uh-
What happened?

Dr. Hartley, I'll make it as simple as I can.
We don't have much time.

Uh, last night,
I kind of robbed another bank.

- Oh, no.
- Yeah. After meeting that friend of yours...

the guy whose apartment
got hit...

I got to thinking about Kenny the Worm
and the Hutchinson brothers...

sol called them up to see if they were
the ones who pulled offthejob.

And then Kenny said, “Well, let's take a ride
and talk about it.“ And-

We wound up in front of a bank,
and I was behind the wheel.

I'm kind of disappointed, Miles.

I really felt we were
making progress, you know?

I felt we were coming to terms...

with the difference
between right and wrong.

Oh, we were, Dr. Hartley. And that's
exactly what I told Kenny the Worm.

We were sitting in front of the bank
before they went in.

And I said to Kenny-
I said, “Kenny, I think this is wrong.”

You know what he said to me? He said,
“So what? Keep the engine running.“

So now you have to go
back to the slammer.

I've gotta go back to prison,
if that's what you mean.

I don't know what it is.
I guess I'm a lot like Fred Astaire.

I don't follow you there.

Well, Fred's gotta dance,
and I've gotta steal.

Yeah, but, Miles,
you don't have to steal.

But I can't dance.

Dr. Hartley,
I feel like I let you down...

and you must feel
like you've been wasting your time.

- Do you mind if I gesture for a moment?
- My pleasure.

Dr. Hartley, I mean this.
Believe me. I really mean this.

I thinkyou have done me
a world of good.

'Cause, you see, this time, at least
I feel like I knew I was doing wrong.

And maybe, next time,
I won't do it at all.

Thank you.

Well, I hope not, Miles.

There are a lot of guys like me
that need your help...

and I don't think that you should,
uh, give up on us.

Well, I won't.
As a matter of fact...

I'd like to drop out and see you if-
if that's all right.

It'll be our pleasure.

Listen, um, before we go-
Um, before we go...

I would like to give you
a little gift.

Uh, Miles, no more gifts.

As a matter of fact, that's why
I brought the videotape machine in.

It's because I wanted
to return it to you.

No. No, it's okay.
It's the bill of sale...

for the, um,
the videotape machine.

I knew you felt uncomfortable
about having it...

so I thought
you should have this.

Thank you very much, Miles.

Sure. Well, I guess
we've gotta catch a green bus.

Bob,jerry- Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Lascoe.
I didn't know you were here.

Oh, hi, Carol.
We werejust leaving.

Oh, dear.

Does this mean that you won't be
available for your next appointment?

- When is it?
- Next week.

No.

Man On TV]
Temperatures here in Chicago-

- [ Continues, indistinct]
- Bob, why are you taping the weather report?

I can play it back tomorrow
and see if they were right.

Boy, I bet Miles wouldjust love to know
how much you're enjoying this toy.

Oh, he does. Every time I go see him,
I tell him about it-

him and the otheryardbirds
in the big house.

Bob, would you do me a favor?

The next time you go to thejoint,
pack a heater.

Bob? Emily? You're not gonna
believe this, but guess what?

I just got home,
and my apartment's been furnished.

I know, Howard.
I helped you pick it out.

No, no, no. I mean
I got the old stuff back.

- Where's the new stuff?
- Next to the old stuff.

I got double furniture.
Come on. I'll show you.

- Who do you think did it?
- Couldn't have been the Hutchinson brothers.

Must be Kenny the Worm.

[ Mews]