Original subtitles

- [ Rings] - Hello?

And when we weren't dancing, I'd take her out to the veranda...

and we'd watch the stars together.

- What are you doing here? - You were two minutes late...

sol decided to start where we left off last time.

Uh, go on. Go on with that.

And after the dance, we took my convertible down to the beach...

and watched the sun come up.

That was the last time lever had fun on a date.

Well, we all have fond memories ofourjunior prom...

but, I mean, we have to move on from there.

I know. That's what worries me.

I need another date.

My annual real estate banquet is tonight...

and all my big clients are gonna be there.

If I don't have a date, I'm gonna look stupid.

- Who'd you take last year? - I took a sweater.

- A sweater? - Yeah, a pink angora sweater.

I draped it over the back of the chair next to me...

and I told everybody my date was in the powder room all evening.

Oh, here. Oh, Mr. Carlin.

I didn't see you when you came in. I'm sorry.

Excuse me.

- What about her? - What about her?

You're thinking I should invite her to the banquet.

I really hadn't given it much thought.

Don't you think I'm good enough for her?

Of course I think you're good enough for her.

That's all I need. I'm gonna ask her out.

Mr. Carlin, can't you wait till the end of the session?

I'm gonna ask her right now before I chicken out.

- Carol, here it is. - [ Gasps]

- Aha! The 1974 Happy Tooth! - Oh.

Well, it looks like the '73 to me.

That's where you're wrong, Carol.

Remember last year, the gums were made of vinyl?

This year- space-age acrylic.

Jerry, this is really one giant bite for mankind.

That's not the only improvement, Carol. Wait till you hear.

- Hearit? - Hello, boys and girls.

My name is Happy Tooth. I'm going to tell you how...

[Slowing Down] to clean your-

WelLJer, Happy Tooth doesn't sound veerry haaappy.

That's not very funny, Carol. This thing must be defective.

- Want me to call Ralph Nader? - Oh.

Where's, uh- Where's Mr. Carlin?

I don't know. He came out of your office...

he looked like he was gonna say something...

and then hejust suddenly veered off.

He has been veering a lot.

Carol, I, uh- I just want to, uh-

- Oh, certainly, Mr. Carlin. - I want to, uh-

I don't wanna go to the bathroom.

I wanna askyou something important.

Uh, Mr. Carlin, you want me to, uh- to leave?

I want you to stay here. I'll need you in case she says no.

In case I say no to what?

To... going out with me.

Well, why should I say no? I'd love to.

- Did you tell her to say that? - No. No, I didn't.

- You mean you really wanna go out with me? - Yes, I do.

I think I'm beginning to lose respect for you.

- Oh, Bob, here's something you can throw away. - Gee, I don't know, Emily.

But what possible use can you have for a road map of Manitoba?

Look at it this way. I mean, we could be lost...

and we could be in Manitoba.

This wouldn't be a bad thing to have.

Bob, we have been at this for one hour...

and the only thing you've agreed to throw away...

is a halfa pack of Blackjack gum.

All right. I'll throw away the road map, but...

I'm keeping my orders to report to Fort Hood.

Oh, Bob, look!

Our photo album!

Oh, look. There's your team picture.

Oh, yeah. That's when we won the 1 O-man Chugalug Championship.

How come there are only three guys?

- The other seven fell out of the picture. - Oh.

- [Knocking] - Come in.

- Hi, Bob. Hi, Emily. - [Emily] H1; Howard.

- Can I borrow a little wine? - Oh, sure. You want some sherry?

- Do you have any Burgundy? - Uh, yeah.

- There you are. - That's fine. That's enough.

Ah! Boy, that hit the spot.

I thought you were cooking something.

I was watching this Italian wedding on television...

and I got this tremendous craving for some wine.

- Here's your spoon back. Thank you. - Oh, you're welcome, Howard.

So, uh- Wow. Look at all this. What are you guys doing anyway?

We're just, uh, cleaning out drawers.

Oh, look at that! Pictures. I love pictures.

Lois and I used to love taking pictures...

but she didn't know how to work the camera...

so all the pictures of us are of her.

Hey, that's a good-looking couple. Who are they?

That's just two of hundreds of people that Emily tried to fix up.

That's Ed Wolfe and Louise Wagner.

Ed used to be a real good friend of mine.

Bob, I know I fix people up, and I know you hate it.

But I don't always do so bad. I fixed the two of us up.

Emily, one out of a hundred is nothing to brag about.

- [Knocking] - I'll get that. I gotta go anyway.

- I gotta get back to my Italian wedding. - Thanks, Howard.

- Hi, Carol. How are you? - Hi, Howard.

Emily, Bob. Howard, I want you to meet Elliot Carlin.

I think we met before.

Uh, didn't you use to be a little shorter?

Maybe you met me-

Maybe you met me when I was a child.

- Maybe so. I'll see you later. Thanks for the wine. - Bye, Howard.

- Bye-bye. - You both look so nice.

Oh, thank you. We're on our way to the banquet...

and Elliotjust wanted to stop by and say hello...

and to thank you, Bob, for fixing us up.

Oh. So it was Bob that got the two of you together, huh? [Chuckles]

Gee, that's nice to know.

- Dr. Hartley, could I talk to you for a minute? -Certainly.

- Out in your kitchen? - Uh, fine.

- Good. - Carol, you'll have to forgive the mess.

[Carol ] Are you kidding? [Continues, indistinct]

- Somethings wrong, Dr. Hartley. - What is it, Mr. Carlin?

-I think she likes me. - That's good, isn't it?

- Yeah, but I can't figure out why. - You've gotta be confident.

You have your own personality, your own thoughts, your own looks.

- You're a real person. - Hmm.

That's hard to remember when you're wearing a hairpiece and four-inch lifts.

- You ready, Carol? - Whenever you are, Elliot.

Oh, wait. Hold it. just-just one minute. Whoops.

Uh, the two of you, come up here on the stairs.

Uh, I wanna take a picture of the two of you for our photo album, together...

so Bob and I will always remember. [Chuckles]

- Smile, Mr. Carlin. - I am smiling.

Oh, Elliot, this is kind of unusual, isn't it?

I mean, a real estate banquet in ajapanese restaurant.

Well, Mr. Nokamura, the president of our company, owns a lot of restaurants.

Last year, we had it at Nokamura's Delicatessen...

- and the year before that, Chez Nokamura. - Oh.

Elliot, would you hold my coat for a minute?

Iwannajust run to the ladies' room.

Carlin, how you doin'?

- Fine. How are you, Miller? - Okay.

I see you're moving up in the world, Carlin.

You brought a coat this year instead of a sweater.

- Oh. - You call that a coat?

That's my date, Carol Kester.

Carol, say hello to Miller and his wife.

Hello. Uh, pleased to meet you.

- You're doing okay, Carlin. - [ Scoffs]

- Good evening. - Good evening.

This way, please.

Shoes.

- Shoes? - Please take off shoes.

- Why? -japanese custom.

Please?

- May I take your coat? - Thank you very much.

Oh, Elliot, this is gonna be such fun.

- Elliot- - Down here.

- Good morning, Carol. - Oh, good morning, Bob!

Wonderful! j ust terrific!

We had a great time last night.

I was gonna askyou what kind of evening you had, but I guess there's no point to it now.

Oh, Elliot is just a gentle, kind, decent, wonderful...

giving, loving, terrific, perfect human being...

and I'm glad that you fixed us up together.

Then I guess you'll be seeing him again.

Unless you can find somebody better.

I'm glad you had a good time, and I'm sure Elliot will fill me in on the details.

Uh, details? What? Bob, how detailed does he usually get?

Don't worry about it. I'm sure he'll refer to you as Miss X.

Oh.

[Elevator Bell Dings]

- Hi. -[Gasps]

- Mercy, Elliot. Hi. - Wanna go to lunch?

Oh, Elliot, I'djust love to, but it's only 10:00.

I know. I made a reservation for 10:30.

- Here. - Elliot, what's this?

Open it up.

Elliot, that was an engagement ring.

I know.

Iwantyou to be Mrs. Elliot Carlin.

Oh.

- Then what did you say? - Then I told him that a wedding...

was not my idea of a second date.

He said that he had to know right away...

because if my answer was no, he would have to cancel the church...

and then he would have to call the building contractor...

to let him know whether or not to go ahead with our house...

before the interest rates went up again.

See, otherwise, he would have to sell the lot...

and he hated to do that, he said, because it was so close to the school...

and when our kids were older-

when they were older, they could walk to school...

rather than me having to take them in my station wagon...

because by this time, of course, I would probably be very busy...

with myjunior League activities and, of course, my bridge club.

Then, when the kids are in college...

we'll be moving to a smaller house closer to campus...

which also happens to be directly across the street from the cemetery...

where he has already purchased our plots...

side by side!

Unless you and Elliot are busy...

Emily and I are planning on having some people over for eggnog...

uh, Christmas Eve, 1993.

That's not funny, Bob.

-I know. - I really need your help here.

Carol, I thinkyou've got to be honest with yourself.

Honest? Bob, I don't mind dating him.

I just don't wanna lie next to him through eternity.

Well, then, my advice is to, uh, tell him...

it's a big decision, and you- you need time to think about it.

Thank you, Bob. I know exactly what I'm gonna do.

All kidding aside, Carol, what's it gonna be? Yes or no?

Bob, I'm gonna donate these narrow ties to the Goodwill.

- I hope you don't mind. - I hope they don't mind.

You know, Emily, this whole cleaning compulsion started with an ashtray.

Then you went to a desk drawer, then our storage area, and now the closets.

- The whole thing has mushroomed. - Oh, that reminds me.

I wanted to clean out the refrigerator.

[Phone Rings]

Hello?

Oh, hello, Mr. Carlin.

L-ls everything all right?

Y-You sound kind of down in the dumps.

You are down in the dumps.

What are you doing down in the dumps?

Just browsing.

They're gonna be the Nokamura Dumps.

Look, Mr. Carlin, I'm sure you didn't call me up at this hourjust to talk trash.

Wh-What about Carol?

She dumped you.

Uh, well, sure, I'll be glad to see you.

I'm in bed right now. I was thinking about tomorrow.

Well, of course she'll be there.

No, I can't meet you in the park. You'll have to come to the office.

Look, Carol takes her lunch hour from 12:00 until 1:00...

so why don't you come in a little after 12:00?

No, I really don't mind skipping lunch.

That's very thoughtful. Roast beef is fine.

With a little mayonnaise, if you have it, yeah.

- Good morning, Carol. - Oh, good morning. Can I helpyou?

Yeah, I'm, uh- I'm Dr. Hartley, and this is my office...

and these are my messages, but you're not my secretary.

Oh, I'm your Freedman fill-in girl, Debbie.

Debbie?

Or Deb, if you like. Whatever you like.

Well, I-l like Carol. Uh, wh-where is she?

You mean Miss Kester, the girl who normally works here?

- Right. - She's not here.

Actually, they don't tell us about the girls we replace.

Sometimes it's best not to know.

- Thank you, Debbie. - Oh, you're welcome, Dr. Ryan.

Uh, Debbie, would you get me Miss Kester at 348-6485?

Yes?

No, you see, when I press the button...

you can stay at your phone and answer me over the intercom.

Oh, of course! What the heck's the matter with me?

I'll do that right away.

- No. I- I'll call her myself. - [ Door Closes ]

- Hi, Bob. - HLJerry. How's everything?

- Oh, pretty good, you know, - Excuse mew . Nam.

There's a Dr. Robinson here to see you.

Fine. Thank you, Debbie.

You can come right in, Dr. Robinson.

I like her, Bob.

I like being called Dr. Robinson.

I'm sort of getting used to being called Dr. Ryan.

She's really a nice lady. She told me that back in the '3 Os...

she was the personal secretary to the vice president of the United States.

- Oh, really? Who? - She didn't remember his name.

What about the other secretary, the one with the red hair that calls me Bob?

I talked to Carol on the phone. She's not coming in.

- Is she sick? - No. Seems like she had a fight with this guy Carlin.

She knew he'd be here this morning, so she didn't want to face him.

I gotta go. Debbie has some hot cocoa waiting for me in my office.

Hello, Carol? ls everything all right?

Tha- That's what Jerry said, yeah.

Look, Carol, you can't go into hiding forever, you know.

I mean, I-l understand what you're going through...

and I want you to take as much time as you need to get yourself together.

So just-just take as much time as you need.

Dr. Ryan, I have Miss Kester on the line.

No, you don't, because I have her on the line.

Well, then, who do I have?

- I haven't the slightest idea. - I'll find out for you.

Uh, yeah, Carol, do you suppose you could get yourself together by tomorrow?

It would really help me out a lot.

Dr. Ryan, where do you want these specimens?

Uh, Dr. Tupperman is the urologist.

Oh? Good.

Now, where would you like these?

Across the hall, in his office.

Oh. Thank you.

Carol, do you thinkyou could get yourself together in about an hour?

Right. Good-bye.

I don't know, Dr. Hartley. lfl live to be a thousand, I'll never get over this one.

Uh, all in all, I think it was a good experience, Mr. Carlin.

I mean, you reached out, you touched somebody, and they touched you back.

She tell you about that?

No, I meant- I meant emotionally.

Well,you know what I think? Slaw?

No, thank you. Maybe later.

I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to face her again.

I mean, I plighted her my troth.

I rented a tux and everything.

Well, you-you can always return a tux, Mr. Carlin.

Yeah, but you can't return a troth.

Yeah, well, maybe we can go over that in the next session...

and gradually, maybe we can get you back to almost normal.

I got a lot of personal things to take care of.

I gotta hock her ring, cancel the church...

and stop construction on a home in Rancho Nokamura.

She's out there. Carol's out there.

I think she saw me. I'm not leaving this office.

Mr. Carlin, I have another patient in 1 O minutes.

I don't care. I'm staying right here.

I'll sit on the couch. I won't listen.

Nobody ever notices me anyhow.

Hi, Bob. Hi, Elliot.

Hi.

- Can I sit down? - Yeah.

Elliot, I'm sorry I had to say what I said...

- but it was the only way I knew how to say it. - Mmm.

It just wasn't working out, Elliot.

I got the feeling that you wanted to own me...

and I just don't wanna be owned.

I'm not a piece of land, you know?

Elliot, I just want you to know that I like you a lot...

and you have got some wonderful qualities...

and I hope that we can go back to being the way we were before- friends.

Okay?

You want some slaw?

Yeah. Slaw.

Aw. Thank you.

I know- I know what you're going through, Mr. Carlin.

- Dr. Ryan, Miss Kestefs back. - Yes, I know, Debbie.

Oh. Shall I go home now or- or what?

Will I get paid for the whole day?

I'm sure you'll get paid for the whole clay.

And, please, go home now.

Oh. Well, thank you, Dr. Ryan.

And you too.

You seem like a very nice man.

Well, good-bye.

Bye.

What about her, Dr. Hartley? Think she'd go out with me?

Hey, Bob, you know what those guys at the repair shop wanted to fix this tooth?

Seventy-five bucks! You know what I told them?

Forget it. I'll do it myself.

You know what I did? I recorded my own voice, very slowly, very distinctly.

Then I opened up Happy, took out the old tape, put in my tape...

restrung the string, buttoned it all back up.

Took me all day. I can't wait to see the expression...

on the guys' faces at the repair shop when they hear this.

[ Mews]