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1
00:00:01,822 --> 00:00:05,895
- [ Rings]
- Hello?
2
00:01:15,028 --> 00:01:18,532
- 12O over 80.
- Okay, Bob. That oughta do it.
3
00:01:18,598 --> 00:01:21,306
Good. How's everything look?
4
00:01:21,368 --> 00:01:27,250
Everything seems fine: solids, liquids,
triglycerides, cholesterol, blood sugar, E.K.G.
5
00:01:27,307 --> 00:01:30,720
Actually, it is one of
the most boring physicals I have ever given.
6
00:01:30,777 --> 00:01:33,485
Now, you might be
a couple of pounds overweight...
7
00:01:33,547 --> 00:01:36,960
but at least... we know where it is.
8
00:01:38,819 --> 00:01:42,790
- [Giggles]
- Are you, uh- Are you saying I'm fat?
9
00:01:42,856 --> 00:01:47,965
Fat? No. Let'sjust say
you're a little short for your weight.
10
00:01:48,028 --> 00:01:50,941
I mean, I thinkyou're in pretty good shape
for a 49-year-old man.
11
00:01:50,997 --> 00:01:53,807
I'm, uh- I'm 41.
12
00:01:55,435 --> 00:01:58,416
Bob, your chart says... 49.
13
00:01:58,471 --> 00:02:02,009
Well, I'm- I'm definitely 41,
at least I will be this Thursday.
14
00:02:02,075 --> 00:02:04,077
Then why does your chart say 49?
15
00:02:04,144 --> 00:02:08,786
Oh, that's- That's a one.
My, uh- My ones look like nines.
16
00:02:08,849 --> 00:02:11,329
Listen, Bob. Now thatl know
you're eight years younger...
17
00:02:11,384 --> 00:02:13,386
you're also about
eight pounds too heavy.
18
00:02:13,453 --> 00:02:16,195
Now I don't want to frighten you,
but it's just possible...
19
00:02:16,256 --> 00:02:18,964
that every pound overweight
could mean a year off your life.
20
00:02:19,025 --> 00:02:21,301
Well, it- it doesn't
frighten me because, uh...
21
00:02:21,361 --> 00:02:24,604
I hadn't made any special plans
for those last eight years anyway.
22
00:02:26,333 --> 00:02:29,041
Oh, good. Miss Burke,
get Dr. Hartley a copy of that-
23
00:02:29,102 --> 00:02:30,843
- High-protein diet?
- High-protein diet.
24
00:02:30,904 --> 00:02:33,145
Here you go, Dr. Hartley.
25
00:02:34,474 --> 00:02:37,080
Bob, you are gonna like this diet.
26
00:02:37,143 --> 00:02:41,853
It's sensible, easy to follow,
and you don't have to turn anything purple.
27
00:02:41,915 --> 00:02:44,657
Good. As long as it's easy to follow.
28
00:02:44,718 --> 00:02:46,857
Now look.
Get yourself a good medical scale.
29
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:49,594
Weigh yourself twice a day
and keep a chart of it.
30
00:02:49,656 --> 00:02:51,658
Carry this counter wherever you go.
31
00:02:51,725 --> 00:02:54,706
Keep track of your daily intake
of cholesterol and fats.
32
00:02:54,761 --> 00:02:58,800
Always askyourself, are there
any hidden carbohydrates in the food you eat.
33
00:02:58,865 --> 00:03:03,211
Watch fried foods. Now, whenever you do
anything strenuous, check your pulse.
34
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:06,217
Do deep breathing exercises.
35
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:10,085
Stay away from starches
and sugars, and that's it.
36
00:03:10,143 --> 00:03:16,116
Now, if you will also supplement with twice
the adult minimum daily vitamin requirements...
37
00:03:16,182 --> 00:03:20,392
and do six and a half minutes
of isometrics every day, it's easy, Bob.
38
00:03:22,422 --> 00:03:25,369
Wouldn't it be easier
if I just stopped eating?
39
00:03:26,826 --> 00:03:28,828
Yeah, that might work too.
40
00:03:29,963 --> 00:03:31,943
Hi, honey.
41
00:03:31,998 --> 00:03:35,639
- Hi, dear. How'd it go with Dr. Klein?
- Oh, fine. Fine.
42
00:03:35,702 --> 00:03:38,512
Good, Any change since
your last physical?
43
00:03:38,571 --> 00:03:40,778
No. Everything's- Everything's fine.
44
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,446
Oh, great. You want a drink
before dinner, honey?
45
00:03:43,510 --> 00:03:45,717
[Clicks Tongue]
No.
46
00:03:47,447 --> 00:03:50,485
Well, there's some fruit,
if you wanna munch.
47
00:03:50,550 --> 00:03:53,030
No, uh- No munching.
48
00:03:54,654 --> 00:03:57,066
Bob, is- ls there something
you're not telling me?
49
00:03:57,123 --> 00:03:59,125
Well, I just have to go
on a little diet.
50
00:03:59,192 --> 00:04:03,436
I have to start counting the calories
and... try to get rid of that.
51
00:04:03,496 --> 00:04:09,037
Oh, that? Honey, that's
just a little happy fat.
52
00:04:09,102 --> 00:04:12,743
I think it's cute.
[Chuckles]
53
00:04:12,806 --> 00:04:17,118
Emily, fat isn't cute unless you're nine months old
and you're playing with a Busy Box.
54
00:04:17,177 --> 00:04:20,818
Well, it shouldn't be hard to lose
three or four pounds.
55
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,918
- Uh, eight pounds.
- Eight?
56
00:04:23,984 --> 00:04:26,965
Well, I know you can do it,
and I'll help you every step of the way, Bob.
57
00:04:27,020 --> 00:04:29,364
I'll help you every inch of the way.
58
00:04:29,422 --> 00:04:32,335
Emily, uh, why are you making such
a big thing about eight pounds?
59
00:04:32,392 --> 00:04:34,463
Well, eight pounds
are not easy to lose.
60
00:04:34,527 --> 00:04:36,939
Well, they are for me,
once I set my mind to it.
61
00:04:36,997 --> 00:04:41,343
- Uh, w-whats that?
- Oh, Dr. Klein gave me this, uh, calorie counter.
62
00:04:41,401 --> 00:04:44,575
You know, it's amazing how much food
you can eat if you eat the right food.
63
00:04:44,637 --> 00:04:48,551
I mean, like, I could eat a-
a whole cow, as long as I didn't butter it.
64
00:04:50,643 --> 00:04:52,714
- [ Doorbell Buzzes ]
- [Emily] Come in.
65
00:04:55,615 --> 00:04:58,459
Emily? Emily, wait till you see
the present I picked out for-
66
00:04:58,518 --> 00:05:00,828
Uh, Howard? Uh, Bob-
Bob, Howard's here.
67
00:05:02,155 --> 00:05:05,364
Hi, Bob. I, uh-
I didn't realize you were here.
68
00:05:05,425 --> 00:05:07,666
Yeah, I-l kind of live here, Howard.
69
00:05:09,095 --> 00:05:12,440
Of course you do, and-
and you should.
70
00:05:12,499 --> 00:05:15,912
Uh- Well, I can come back later.
I just, uh, stopped by to say hello.
71
00:05:15,969 --> 00:05:18,950
- Yes. Howard just... stopped by to say hello.
- That's right.
72
00:05:19,005 --> 00:05:20,985
Hello, Howard.
73
00:05:22,809 --> 00:05:24,811
Hello.
74
00:05:24,878 --> 00:05:28,189
Howard, is there something you wanna
discuss in private with Emily?
75
00:05:28,248 --> 00:05:32,754
No, no, no, Bob.
Uh, no. Nothing at all.
76
00:05:32,819 --> 00:05:35,459
Uh, well, so you got
a birthday coming up, huh?
77
00:05:35,522 --> 00:05:38,366
Wow. Forty-one. That's a biggie.
That's a really big biggie.
78
00:05:40,193 --> 00:05:44,073
I hope, uh, nobody in this room is, uh,
planning anything for my birthday.
79
00:05:44,130 --> 00:05:46,132
Like what, Bob?
80
00:05:46,199 --> 00:05:51,342
Oh, like peoplejumping out of closets,
peoplejumping up from behind furniture...
81
00:05:51,404 --> 00:05:54,510
and, uh, expecting me to be surprised
when I'm not surprised.
82
00:05:54,574 --> 00:05:56,554
Oh, don't be silly, Bob.
83
00:05:56,609 --> 00:06:00,682
Now we agreed it's just gonna be a nice,
quiet dinner with a few close friends.
84
00:06:00,747 --> 00:06:04,194
Yeah, the... quieter, the better
when you're past 40.
85
00:06:05,952 --> 00:06:10,298
Why celebrate? I mean, it's-
it's all downhill from here.
86
00:06:10,356 --> 00:06:13,360
You're heading
into the twilight time.
87
00:06:15,428 --> 00:06:18,500
You think I oughta
cash in my chips, Howard?
88
00:06:18,565 --> 00:06:22,035
I don't know, but I'd keep them handy,
if I were you.
89
00:06:22,102 --> 00:06:24,241
Okay.
Here's your dinner, honey.
90
00:06:24,304 --> 00:06:28,377
Lettuce, cottage cheese, tomato,
a slice of melon and some cold chicken.
91
00:06:28,441 --> 00:06:31,888
- I hope it's all on your diet.
- A diet? What's wrong, Bob?
92
00:06:31,945 --> 00:06:33,947
Oh, nothing. Bobjust
went for his physical today...
93
00:06:34,013 --> 00:06:36,926
and he's gotta lose weight,
so he's gotta watch his calories for a while.
94
00:06:36,983 --> 00:06:39,395
Oh, that's- That's bad.
95
00:06:39,452 --> 00:06:41,864
No, it isn't, Howard.
A lot of people are on diets.
96
00:06:41,921 --> 00:06:45,425
Oh, no, no. This is a bad diet.
I mean, look at- Look at this.
97
00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:49,872
Cantaloupe and cottage cheese and tomatoes-
I mean, it's full of carbohydrates.
98
00:06:49,929 --> 00:06:51,875
I mean, that's what
you should be counting.
99
00:06:51,931 --> 00:06:54,741
- Well, what do you suggest, Howard?
- Water. You should drink water.
100
00:06:54,801 --> 00:06:57,304
I mean,just drink all your water
you can get inside yourself.
101
00:06:57,370 --> 00:06:59,316
You know,just
lots and lots of water.
102
00:06:59,372 --> 00:07:01,875
That way it'll fill up your stomach,
and you won't get hungry.
103
00:07:01,941 --> 00:07:03,887
And you won't get thirsty either.
104
00:07:03,943 --> 00:07:07,982
Oh, good. That way I can slosh my way
through my twilight years.
105
00:07:15,688 --> 00:07:19,568
[Gurgling]
106
00:07:45,985 --> 00:07:50,491
Bob? I hope I went peacefully.
107
00:07:54,127 --> 00:07:56,368
Sorry, Emily.
I didn't know you were awake.
108
00:07:58,131 --> 00:08:02,443
Bob? What are you doing?
109
00:08:02,502 --> 00:08:08,009
Oh, I... couldn't go to sleep,
sol thought I'd weigh myself.
110
00:08:08,074 --> 00:08:13,148
- Well, how much did you lose? - I'm afraid
I'm like the stock market. I'm up an eighth.
111
00:08:15,648 --> 00:08:17,821
Emily, this diet isn't working.
112
00:08:17,884 --> 00:08:19,830
Well, Bob,
you've gotta give it a chance.
113
00:08:19,886 --> 00:08:21,832
You've only been on it five hours.
114
00:08:23,289 --> 00:08:26,395
Emily, I gai-l gained
an eighth of a pound in five hours.
115
00:08:26,459 --> 00:08:28,370
Well, that's all the water
you've been drinking.
116
00:08:28,428 --> 00:08:30,806
I can't understand it.
I never had a problem with weight...
117
00:08:30,863 --> 00:08:34,072
and then all of a sudden, I weigh 1 O pounds
more than I did on our wedding night.
118
00:08:34,133 --> 00:08:37,740
You weighed yourself
on our wedding night?
119
00:08:37,804 --> 00:08:41,308
I had nothing else to do.
You were in the bathroom for 45 minutes.
120
00:08:43,676 --> 00:08:45,781
Well, I-l wanted
to look pretty for you, Bob.
121
00:08:45,845 --> 00:08:49,793
I was... trying on
nightgowns and primping.
122
00:08:49,849 --> 00:08:52,762
I mean, after all, Bob,
it was a special occasion.
123
00:08:55,788 --> 00:08:58,894
You do remember,
don't you, sweetheart?
124
00:08:58,958 --> 00:09:01,131
I've got to stop
my stomach from growling.
125
00:09:04,497 --> 00:09:06,943
Maybe I'll have some celery.
Uh, celery's all right, isn't it?
126
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,412
Oh, it's fine.
There's only one problem.
127
00:09:09,469 --> 00:09:11,471
It's in the refrigerator,
in the back...
128
00:09:11,537 --> 00:09:15,280
and you're gonna have to work your way
through a lot of other stuff to get to it.
129
00:09:15,341 --> 00:09:18,379
Emily, I-l wasn't even thinking
about the banana cream pie.
130
00:09:18,444 --> 00:09:21,755
Honey, why don't you just come to bed
and don't worry about it?
131
00:09:23,549 --> 00:09:25,927
Yeah, you're right.
I'll... worry about it tomorrow.
132
00:09:31,791 --> 00:09:34,237
- Good night.
- Good night, honey.
133
00:09:39,065 --> 00:09:43,480
Let's see. An eighth of a pound...
in five hours.
134
00:09:45,605 --> 00:09:47,778
T hat' s mate Km“
a ha“ a mum a day.
135
00:09:51,444 --> 00:09:55,893
In a year, I'll weigh...
a little over 400 pounds.
136
00:10:16,469 --> 00:10:18,506
Well, this is it, Bob.
137
00:10:18,571 --> 00:10:21,984
You're really gonna love this place,
and these noon classes are really the best...
138
00:10:22,041 --> 00:10:24,043
because all the greatest-looking
chicks are here.
139
00:10:24,110 --> 00:10:26,112
We got... models,
dancers, secretaries.
140
00:10:26,179 --> 00:10:28,125
Jerry, you didn't tell me
there'd be girls here.
141
00:10:28,181 --> 00:10:31,185
- Sure. What do you think I'm doin' here?
- Well, I don't careJerry...
142
00:10:31,250 --> 00:10:33,787
- as long as I lose eight pounds.
- Exercise is the key, Bob.
143
00:10:33,853 --> 00:10:36,925
More important than dieting.
I don't diet and look at me.
144
00:10:39,759 --> 00:10:42,103
That's Olga. She's in charge here.
145
00:10:42,161 --> 00:10:45,631
- Guess how old she is.
- Uh, 65?
146
00:10:47,667 --> 00:10:51,114
That's right. Most people think
she's a lot younger than that.
147
00:10:51,170 --> 00:10:54,708
- Hello, I'm Olga. - Olga', /'d like
you to meet mygood flvend Bob Hartley.
148
00:10:54,774 --> 00:10:57,015
How old do you think I am?
149
00:10:59,712 --> 00:11:01,988
Forty, 41.
150
00:11:02,048 --> 00:11:04,289
I am 65.
151
00:11:05,651 --> 00:11:08,188
- That's- That's amazing.
- Yes.
152
00:11:08,254 --> 00:11:10,700
Now, what is it that
you want to work on?
153
00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:12,828
The legs, the thigh,
the hips, the bust?
154
00:11:16,929 --> 00:11:20,035
[Clears Throat]
A little-A little below the bust.
155
00:11:20,099 --> 00:11:24,047
Well,just follow along.
We start very slowly in the beginners group.
156
00:11:24,103 --> 00:11:27,516
All right. Line up.
157
00:11:27,573 --> 00:11:31,020
Arm's distance.
158
00:11:33,479 --> 00:11:37,518
Good. We'll start with
a little, uh, stretching.
159
00:11:48,995 --> 00:11:51,942
Well, so much for the stretching.
160
00:11:51,998 --> 00:11:54,569
Now, we go. And... run!
161
00:11:54,634 --> 00:11:57,240
One, two, one, two, one, two,
one, two, one, two.
162
00:11:57,303 --> 00:12:01,183
Bicycle. Bicycle.
Hartley, you're behind.
163
00:12:03,075 --> 00:12:05,715
One, two. One, two.
One, two, one, two.
164
00:12:05,778 --> 00:12:08,884
Kitty cat. One more. Fill it off.
165
00:12:08,948 --> 00:12:11,952
And run. Off your duff, Hartley.
166
00:12:12,018 --> 00:12:13,964
One, two. One, two.
167
00:12:27,733 --> 00:12:31,545
“I greatly appreciated thejar
of nuts you sent,“ comma...
168
00:12:31,604 --> 00:12:34,949
“but would you please show up
for your next appointment?”
169
00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:40,987
just sign it, uh, “Sincerely yours,”
and, uh, you can type it after lunch.
170
00:12:42,782 --> 00:12:45,388
- [ Groans]
- What's the matter?
171
00:12:45,451 --> 00:12:49,593
I went tojerry's health club, and I tried
to keep up with a 65-year-old woman.
172
00:12:51,791 --> 00:12:55,671
- Did you lose any weight? - I don't know.
I'm too sore to get up on the scale.
173
00:12:55,728 --> 00:12:59,835
Ha-ha. Listen, Bob. Do you want
another pitcher of water before I go to lunch...
174
00:12:59,899 --> 00:13:01,901
or should I just run a hose in here?
175
00:13:04,170 --> 00:13:07,344
You know, Carol, being on a diet
is bad enough without people making fun of it.
176
00:13:07,406 --> 00:13:10,410
I mean, you probably don't know that.
You've probably never been on a diet.
177
00:13:10,476 --> 00:13:15,186
In five minutes,
I will have been on a diet for seven years.
178
00:13:15,248 --> 00:13:18,024
You looking forward
to your birthday party, Bob?
179
00:13:18,084 --> 00:13:21,088
It's not a party, Carol.
It's, uh,just a small dinner.
180
00:13:21,153 --> 00:13:23,861
In my case, a very small dinner.
181
00:13:23,923 --> 00:13:25,994
Oh, listen, Bob.
I wanna askyou something.
182
00:13:26,058 --> 00:13:28,834
Do you thinkl can have
an extra 15 minutes offfor lunch?
183
00:13:28,895 --> 00:13:32,001
I have to buy a
birthday/present for someone.
184
00:13:33,165 --> 00:13:35,167
Oh, sure.
185
00:13:35,234 --> 00:13:38,841
Take as much time as you want
and buy that somebody something real nice.
186
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:41,579
I certainlywill.
187
00:13:41,641 --> 00:13:43,882
- Well, see you later.
- Right.
188
00:13:51,150 --> 00:13:55,121
- You, uh- You pressed the button?
- Mm-hmm.
189
00:13:55,187 --> 00:13:59,067
- Well, see you after lunch.
- Right, Bob. Later.
190
00:14:03,396 --> 00:14:07,139
- You're- You're going down, right?
- Oh, yeah. Down.
191
00:14:07,199 --> 00:14:10,078
- No place to eat up there. [ Laughs]
- [ Laughs]
192
00:14:15,741 --> 00:14:19,120
Why- Why don't I, uh,
just press the button again?
193
00:14:19,178 --> 00:14:22,716
- Oh, thanks, Bob. See you soon.
- Right. Later.
194
00:14:22,782 --> 00:14:25,160
See you then.
195
00:14:25,217 --> 00:14:28,096
[Elevator Bell Dings]
196
00:14:30,690 --> 00:14:33,466
Uh, this elevatofs broken.
You'll have to use that one.
197
00:14:42,868 --> 00:14:44,814
Well, that's about it for me, Bob.
198
00:14:44,870 --> 00:14:46,816
I'll be, uh, moving along now.
199
00:14:46,872 --> 00:14:48,874
- Right.
- Right.
200
00:14:56,816 --> 00:14:58,887
Hey, uh, Bob?
What are you doin' for lunch?
201
00:14:58,951 --> 00:15:03,195
I'm doing it,jerry. Where, uh-
Where are you going?
202
00:15:03,255 --> 00:15:05,360
I'd better not tell.
I don't thinkyou want to know.
203
00:15:05,424 --> 00:15:09,839
- Go ahead. It won't bother me. - Well, I'm
going to a new smorgasbord place: Mr. Bulk.
204
00:15:11,464 --> 00:15:13,603
They got all-you-can-eat
for an hour.
205
00:15:17,436 --> 00:15:21,282
- That's it. Lunch.
- So what do you got today, Mel?
206
00:15:21,340 --> 00:15:23,320
Liverwurst and Swiss, I think.
207
00:15:25,144 --> 00:15:27,750
Oh, yeah.
There's liverwurst and Swiss. Yeah.
208
00:15:27,813 --> 00:15:30,726
All three of'em,
liverwurst and Swiss.
209
00:15:30,783 --> 00:15:34,162
You wanna swap?
I got a bacon and avocado...
210
00:15:34,220 --> 00:15:36,996
and a tuna fish and tomato
on a kaiser roll.
211
00:15:37,056 --> 00:15:40,037
I'll give you the liverwurst and Swiss
for the tuna fish and tomato...
212
00:15:40,092 --> 00:15:42,094
and I'll throw in
a piece of chocolate cake.
213
00:15:42,161 --> 00:15:43,970
No, you keep the chocolate cake.
214
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:48,672
Besides, I got a piece of, uh,
lemon meringue pie anyway.
215
00:15:50,369 --> 00:15:52,508
Well, I gotta get rid
of one of these sandwiches.
216
00:15:52,571 --> 00:15:54,517
Toss it down the shaft.
217
00:15:54,573 --> 00:15:58,612
Oh, we have a... wastepaper basket here.
I'll throw it out.
218
00:15:58,678 --> 00:16:01,557
Ah. Thanks a lot, fella.
That's nice of you. Thank you.
219
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:18,973
- Hi, honey.
- Hi, sweetheart. Happy birthday.
220
00:16:19,031 --> 00:16:20,977
Well, how was your day?
221
00:16:21,033 --> 00:16:24,446
Fine, fine. No... surprises.
I just hope it stays that way.
222
00:16:24,503 --> 00:16:27,712
Well, honey, you're really gonna be surprised,
because there's no surprise party.
223
00:16:27,773 --> 00:16:31,619
- Just five friends and a nice, quiet dinner.
- Good.
224
00:16:31,677 --> 00:16:33,657
Come on. Take off your coat.
Let me see.
225
00:16:33,713 --> 00:16:35,715
Come on.
226
00:16:38,217 --> 00:16:40,163
Tur-Turn around.
227
00:16:42,088 --> 00:16:44,466
You know, Bob, it's-
it's the third day of your diet...
228
00:16:44,523 --> 00:16:49,233
and that- that weight
is just... falling off.
229
00:16:51,530 --> 00:16:55,740
- I'm, uh, surprised you recognize me.
- Yeah. [ Laughs]
230
00:16:55,801 --> 00:16:58,873
- Something smells good. What- What is it?
- Oh, it's not for you, honey.
231
00:16:58,938 --> 00:17:03,216
It's for the company. I know you don't like lasagna.
That's why I made it.
232
00:17:03,275 --> 00:17:06,415
Well, if I don't like it,
why does it smell so good?
233
00:17:06,479 --> 00:17:10,518
- What, uh, what do I get?
- Oh, it's over there on that dish.
234
00:17:17,056 --> 00:17:21,903
It looks so lonely and so small.
ls- Is this all I get to eat?
235
00:17:21,961 --> 00:17:26,569
Oh, no, honey. You get a big salad
with lemonjuice and a big glass of water.
236
00:17:28,467 --> 00:17:33,109
Great. lfl want seconds, I'll just, uh,
rattle my cup against the bars of my cell.
237
00:17:33,172 --> 00:17:36,881
Oh, honey. It's not that bad.
You can have some of the hors d'oeuvres.
238
00:17:36,942 --> 00:17:41,482
- Oh, good. - No, no. Not those. The
ones with the yellow toothpicks in them.
239
00:17:41,547 --> 00:17:43,527
- The yellow toothpicks.
- Yeah.
240
00:17:46,352 --> 00:17:49,458
Oh, honey. I know it's rough,
but it's worth it, isn't it?
241
00:17:49,522 --> 00:17:53,129
- Emily, come here.
- What is it?
242
00:17:53,192 --> 00:17:55,536
Sit down.
243
00:17:57,363 --> 00:17:59,434
[Groans]
244
00:17:59,498 --> 00:18:02,604
Emily, I've been, uh-
I've been cheating.
245
00:18:05,004 --> 00:18:08,144
Cheating? Eating cheating?
246
00:18:12,144 --> 00:18:15,591
You know today, when you called the office,
and Carol said I couldn't talk?
247
00:18:15,648 --> 00:18:17,650
- Yeah?
- Well, I couldn't talk...
248
00:18:17,716 --> 00:18:20,822
because my mouth
was full of chocolate-covered peanut brittle.
249
00:18:20,886 --> 00:18:22,991
Oh, Bob!
250
00:18:23,055 --> 00:18:28,164
Emily, let- Let me finish.
The peanut brittle was just the dessert.
251
00:18:28,227 --> 00:18:32,869
- The appetizer was a liverwurst and Swiss
cheese sandwich. - Oh, Bob. How could you?
252
00:18:32,932 --> 00:18:34,912
Emily, I'm still not finished.
253
00:18:34,967 --> 00:18:37,072
Then I went down to the snack bar...
254
00:18:37,136 --> 00:18:41,107
and I snacked on
almost every bar they had.
255
00:18:41,173 --> 00:18:45,144
Do you mean while I was stuffing radishes,
you were stuffing your face?
256
00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:47,589
Well, E-Emily.
I don't know what came over me.
257
00:18:47,646 --> 00:18:52,061
L-I just- The minute I walked in there,
I-I-I wanted to attack anything edible.
258
00:18:52,117 --> 00:18:55,530
L-I felt like... Bela Lugosi
in a- in a room full of necks.
259
00:18:59,158 --> 00:19:02,298
Emily, h-hunger is a- is a terrible thing,
and I-and-and I gave in to it.
260
00:19:02,361 --> 00:19:06,207
And y- Y-You know what's worse
than all of that put together?
261
00:19:06,265 --> 00:19:08,643
- What?
- I'm still hungry.
262
00:19:08,701 --> 00:19:11,181
Well, Bob,
what do you want me to say?
263
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:13,615
I mean, eat whatever you want,
stuffyourselflike a pig?
264
00:19:13,672 --> 00:19:16,016
Start your diet next week
or tomorrow or never?
265
00:19:16,075 --> 00:19:20,319
Well, it- It is my birthday.
266
00:19:20,379 --> 00:19:23,724
Fine. Why don't you eat your gifts?
267
00:19:25,117 --> 00:19:27,119
You're not very proud of me, are you?
268
00:19:27,186 --> 00:19:29,689
You know, Bob, I, uh-
269
00:19:29,755 --> 00:19:31,701
I wasn't gonna give you
your present till later...
270
00:19:31,757 --> 00:19:33,703
but I think I'll give it to you now.
271
00:19:33,759 --> 00:19:35,830
I think it'll helpyou
control your appetite.
272
00:19:35,895 --> 00:19:39,342
What- What is it, a muzzle?
273
00:19:42,601 --> 00:19:46,674
Oh, honey, that's- That's that very expensive
suit that- that I was so crazy about.
274
00:19:46,739 --> 00:19:50,209
Yeah, but you were crazy
about it in a larger size.
275
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:53,120
Bob, the waist is two inches
smaller than your waist.
276
00:19:53,178 --> 00:19:55,715
I mean, I thought it would
give you something to shoot for.
277
00:19:55,781 --> 00:19:58,762
- [ Doorbell Buzzes ]
- I know you can do it, honey.
278
00:19:58,817 --> 00:20:02,856
- Hz; 50b. Happy bxkthday
- Oh, uh- Hi, Howard.
279
00:20:02,922 --> 00:20:06,096
Well, I got your present.
Uh-Guess what it is.
280
00:20:08,093 --> 00:20:11,404
- Feels like lead. - Yeah, go ahead,
uh- Open it up. See for yourself.
281
00:20:18,270 --> 00:20:22,446
- It's a belt. - Yeah, I, uh, got it in
Tokyo. It takes the weight right off.
282
00:20:22,508 --> 00:20:24,579
I had a hard time, uh,
finding your size there.
283
00:20:24,643 --> 00:20:27,351
Not too many guys
as heavy as you are injapan.
284
00:20:28,981 --> 00:20:32,451
- Is this the wayyou wear it?
- Yeah, you wear it under your clothes.
285
00:20:32,518 --> 00:20:35,226
Uh, here. Let me show you
with your coat here.
286
00:20:35,287 --> 00:20:38,530
Wear it playing tennis
or handball or golf.
287
00:20:38,590 --> 00:20:41,036
Just don't go swimming in it.
288
00:20:41,093 --> 00:20:43,801
Doorbell Buzzes 1
289
00:20:43,862 --> 00:20:47,332
I'll get it, honey. Oh.
290
00:20:47,399 --> 00:20:49,379
- Hi.
- Hi, dear.
291
00:20:49,435 --> 00:20:51,711
- Hi, Emily.
- Hi,jer. Come on in.
292
00:20:51,770 --> 00:20:56,150
Oh, hi, Howard.
Bob. Happy birthday.
293
00:20:56,208 --> 00:20:59,883
[Kissing Sound]
Here. It's a cake.
294
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,386
Well, I can only eat it
if it's made out of water.
295
00:21:04,450 --> 00:21:06,396
Well, it almost is.
Uh, let's see.
296
00:21:06,452 --> 00:21:10,400
It's made out of, uh, your lettuce,
bean sprouts, your ground carrots.
297
00:21:10,456 --> 00:21:14,666
- Sounds delicious. - Well, we don't
know, Bob. Nobody's ever eaten one.
298
00:21:16,328 --> 00:21:19,104
- Let me put it in the kitchen.
- Yeah, and I'll make us all a drink.
299
00:21:19,164 --> 00:21:21,110
Oh, thank you, Howard.
300
00:21:21,166 --> 00:21:24,170
Gee, ifl'd have known it was gonna be formal,
I'd have worn my cummerbund.
301
00:21:25,504 --> 00:21:27,814
Go ahead. Open her right up.
302
00:21:27,873 --> 00:21:30,319
- What do you guys want to drink?
- Scotch for me, Howard.
303
00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:32,720
- Uh, I'll have a glass of wine.
- Me too.
304
00:21:32,778 --> 00:21:37,420
- Uh, Bob?
- What the heck? It's my birthday. Uh-
305
00:21:37,483 --> 00:21:43,456
Gimme a- a glass of water, and, uh...
drop a ice cube in it for flavor. All right?
306
00:21:43,522 --> 00:21:46,765
That's the latest diet book there, Bob.
Number five on the best-seller list.
307
00:21:46,825 --> 00:21:48,702
- "Hey Fat"?
- Yeah.
308
00:21:48,761 --> 00:21:51,332
See, the author explains that title
there in the introduction.
309
00:21:51,397 --> 00:21:54,401
That's what they used to call him
when he was a kid. “Hey, Fat!“
310
00:21:54,466 --> 00:21:57,970
He got so mad that he set about as his life's work
to make himself skinny, and it worked.
311
00:21:58,037 --> 00:22:00,381
That's a picture of him
on the back cover.
312
00:22:00,439 --> 00:22:03,852
- Where?
- Right there.
313
00:22:03,909 --> 00:22:06,856
lfhe writes another book,
he should title it Hey Corpse.
314
00:22:09,348 --> 00:22:11,885
Okay, gang. Why don't we
gather around, and, uh...
315
00:22:11,950 --> 00:22:13,952
drink a toast to
the birthday boy here.
316
00:22:14,019 --> 00:22:16,932
- Okay? Here, Emily. This is yours, dear.
- Oh, thank you.
317
00:22:16,989 --> 00:22:18,935
Bob. Okay.
318
00:22:18,991 --> 00:22:20,937
- Okay, ready?
- Ready.
319
00:22:20,993 --> 00:22:24,702
Here's to Bob Hartley.
We wanna see more of him...
320
00:22:24,763 --> 00:22:28,677
- but we hope we see less.
- [jer/yj/get it. I get it.
321
00:22:28,734 --> 00:22:30,907
- Cheers, cheers.
- Cheers, cheers.
322
00:22:30,969 --> 00:22:33,176
Cheers. Look at that.
323
00:22:34,606 --> 00:22:36,051
Aren't you going
to drink your water?
324
00:22:36,108 --> 00:22:38,714
I don't think I can drink
any more water, Howard...
325
00:22:38,777 --> 00:22:41,223
especially with this- this belt.
326
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:42,816
What's that got to do with it?
327
00:22:42,881 --> 00:22:46,294
Well, I have to go
to the bathroom, and I...
328
00:22:46,351 --> 00:22:49,298
- can't stand up.
- Oh, honey.
329
00:22:51,657 --> 00:22:56,606
Bob's- Bob's gotta go
to the... bathroom. Excuse us.
330
00:22:56,662 --> 00:22:58,664
- Honey, you okay?
- Oh, oh.
331
00:22:58,730 --> 00:23:01,904
Oh, oh. Shh. Quiet.
332
00:23:01,967 --> 00:23:05,847
- [People] Surprise!
- ♪ For he's ajolly good fellow
333
00:23:05,904 --> 00:23:08,612
,' For he's a jolly good fella w,'
334
00:23:08,674 --> 00:23:12,679
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
335
00:23:12,744 --> 00:23:15,554
♪ Which nobody can deny ♪♪
336
00:23:15,614 --> 00:23:18,094
[Applause Cheering]
337
00:23:18,150 --> 00:23:20,528
- Speech.
- Speech, speech, speech.
338
00:23:20,586 --> 00:23:25,365
All right. This, uh- I'll have to admit
this really was a surprise, and I-
339
00:23:25,424 --> 00:23:27,461
I wanna tell you how much
I appreciate it, but-
340
00:23:27,526 --> 00:23:30,234
- [fmilyjAw
- I really have to go to the bathroom.
341
00:23:30,295 --> 00:23:32,639
[Laughing]
342
00:23:44,009 --> 00:23:46,615
- Uh, Emily?
- What?
343
00:23:46,678 --> 00:23:49,056
How do I look?
344
00:23:49,114 --> 00:23:52,323
Oh, I love the pants.
345
00:23:52,384 --> 00:23:56,025
But thejacket doesn't match.
346
00:23:56,088 --> 00:23:58,830
No, no. I lost-l lost
two inches around my waist.
347
00:23:58,891 --> 00:24:03,101
Oh, Bob. I'm gonna miss
that happy fat.
348
00:24:03,162 --> 00:24:05,506
But you are a lot sexier this way.
349
00:24:05,564 --> 00:24:08,670
You know, I lost, uh-
I lost 1 O pounds.
350
00:24:08,734 --> 00:24:12,409
Bob, you weigh exactly
what you weighed on our wedding night.
351
00:24:12,471 --> 00:24:14,747
- Right.
- Ah.
352
00:24:15,974 --> 00:24:17,920
Where- Where are you going?
353
00:24:17,976 --> 00:24:21,788
Oh, I'll be back... in 45 minutes.
354
00:25:04,356 --> 00:25:05,801
[ Mews]
31113
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