All language subtitles for The Bob Newhart Show s02e10 - Im Okay, Youre Okay, So Whats Wrong

- [ Rings]
- Hello?

Emily, I'm home.

I think.

I changed all the furniture around.

Yeah, I can tell that.

You hate it.

I won't know whether I hate it
until I can see it. Can I turn the light on?

Go ahead. You hate it, right?

Oh, I wouldn't say I hate it.
lt'sjust...

alien to anything
I've ever liked before.

Well, I hate it.

Emily, if you hate it
and I'm not too crazy about it...

why don't we move it back
the way it was?

Because I hate it worse the way it was.

Emily, is-is there- is there
something wrong other than the furniture?

No, there's nothing wrong, Bob.

That's what I thought.

Okay, let's talk about it.

I hate my life, Bob.

Emily, could you back up
and build up to that a little more?

Fvejust reached a point
in my life where I'm bored...

and-and frustrated
and inhibited and I-

I want to grow, I want to expand,
I want to change.

I don't know.
I just can't put it into words.

You're doin' a pretty good job.

Well, I don't know
why I feel the way I do.

Emily, I-l think maybe I know.
The-The weather.

I mean, after 23 straight days of snow
and dark skies and-and cold...

I mean,
that's got to get anybody down.

It's the weather, Emily.
That's what it is.

No, Bob. It's not the weather.

Well, ifit isn't the weather, maybe it-
maybe it has something to do with me.

Oh, no, Bob. It's not you.

It's not your fault you leave the house
at exactly 8:26 every morning...

and come home exactly
at 6:20 every night.

That you-you hang up your coat,
you come over here, you sit on the couch...

you open the paper
to the sports page...

you make your drink with three ice cubes-
never two, never four.

I mean, it's not your fault
that you like dinner exactly at 7:00.

Otherwise, you lose your appetite.

That you-you watch the news
at 10:00 every night.

You go to bed exactly at 11:00,
read for 10 minutes till you fall asleep.

I mean, Bob, it's not your fault
you're the way you are.

It's my fault that it drives me crazy.

Well, as long as it's not my fault.

Bob, what do you want for dinner?

Look, Emily, forget about-
about making dinner.

We'll go out to dinner,
and we'll go to a movie...

and we'll stay out way past 11 :00...

and, uh, I won't even read
after I get into bed.

Thank you, Bob.
But I don't feel like it.

Emily, I've-I've had years of experience...

dealing with people who are depressed.

I mean, my doctoral thesis
was on depression.

And I know that when a person
is in a mood such as you're in...

the best thing is tojust back off until
they're- they're ready to talk about it.

So, when you're ready to talk about it,
I'll be sitting here in my easy... fern.

Emily, I'd rather be
sitting in my easy chair-

my big, brown, suede easy chair.

- Where-Where is it?
- In the den, Bob.

Emily, you-you haven't
moved the den, have you?

- Good morning, Carol.
- Bob?

Bob, your coffee's not ready.
Now, you're eight minutes early.

Yeah, I know.
I took an earlier train.

- I just decided to change my whole routine.
- Oh.

There's a- There's a whole different crowd
on the earlier train.

- A different style of pushing.
- Is it still snowing out?

- Just, uh-just enough to keep the slush level up.
- Oh.

I can't believe it, Bob.

Twenty-eight days of this yuckiness.

Do you know on the news this morning
the weatherman said...

“Chicago weather in a word,“
and then there was a bleep.

- Well, I'd better get unbundled.
- Good

Maybe your plaid sports jacket
will liven up this place.

- My-My what? - Your plaid sports
jacket- the one you wear every Friday.

I never-never realized
I wore the samejacket every Friday.

Oh, Bob. I know what
you're gonna wear every day, Bob.

Except for Tuesday.
Now, on Tuesday...

you could wearyour dark brown suit,
or your light brown suit...

or even your beige suit.

I really look forward to Tuesday, Bob.

It's freak day for you.

Do you know what, uh,
whatjerrys gonna wear every day?

Oh, no.
Every day is freak day forjerry.

I think I'll go talk to him.

- HLJerry. You got a minute?
- I got the whole day, Bob.

Seventeen cancellations.
I can't believe it.

You'd think after 28 days
of rotten weather like this...

people would look forward
to a little pain.

Well, goodJerry,
'cause I think I have a problem.

Uh-oh. Come here.
Take a look at this, Bob.

See that there?
There he is, boy.

Mean old Mr. Bacterial Plaque,
picking on a defenseless little cuspid.

And you know whose fault it is?
Mine.

I gotta spend a little less time with the ladies
and a little more time with the floss.

Physician, heal thyself.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I do. As a matter of fact,
that's why I came in to talk to you.

I sort of have the same problem.

You goin' a little wacky, Bob?

No, not at alLjerry.
Uh, Emily's been depressed lately...

and, well, a couple clays ago,
I walked in, I said...

“Hi, Emily, I'm home,“
and she burst into tears.

Maybe it was the way you said it, Bob.

I doubt it,jerry,
'cause I've been saying it...

the same way every day
for the past fouryears.

[Chuckles]
Well, you see, that's it.

You're probably in a rut.
So you have to do something exciting.

Put a little difference into your life.

Why don't you take Emily, uh, skydiving?

Jerry, Emily's afraid to fly.
I'm sure she's not gonna enjoy plummeting.

Okay, okay,
it was just a suggestion, Bob.

I'm merely trying to save
your marriage for you.

Jerry, we have a good marriage.

Bob, you gotta put a little spice
into your life. Some Zing.

Tell me,
do you wear pajamas when you sleep?

- Yes, I do.
- What if you didn't?

Well, it'd be embarrassing
if there was a fireJerry.

Bob, I thinkyou know
what you need to do.

You need to talk
to a disinterested third party.

That's kind ofwhy
I'm talking to you,jerry.

I'm not disinterested.
I care too much about you and Emily.

You have to talk to someone who-who
doesn't care, like a-a marriage counselor.

- A marriage counselor?
- Yeah.

- Me?
- Yeah.

[Chuckles]
Are you kiddingJerry?

Oh, I get it.

You think because you're
a big Ph.D. psychologist...

that you're above
talking to a marriage counselor.

Look at it this way, Bob.
A doctor does not take out his own tonsils.

A barber does not cut his own hair.

So long.

Emily, I'm home.

Emily, I love it!

Emily?

- [Knocking]
- Come in.

Oh, hi, Bob.

- Is, uh, Emily back yet?
- I don't think so.

- She-She left me this note, Howard.
- Oh, not a- not a note.

- I hope it's not one of those notes.
- One of what notes, Howard?

Well, one of those
“It's better this way“ notes.

The kind that Lois used to leave me
when Lois used to leave me.

Howard, all the note says is that
Emily's gonna be a little late for dinner.

That's another sign, Bob.
I mean, all the signs are there.

What signs, Howard?

Well, this morning, I heard Emily
moving all the furniture around...

and, well, Lois used to move the furniture
when she got depressed.

One day she got so depressed,
she moved the furniture clear across town...

and moved in with it.

Howard, I don't think
Emily is that depressed.

Yeah, well, I can't tell when
women are depressed anymore.

I'm around stewardesses
all the time.

Oh, hi, Howard.
Isn't it a beautiful evening?

Oh, yeah. Well, I think I-
I think I'd better be going.

I know how you feel.
We can talk later, okay?

- Hi, honey.
- Hi, honey. Where you been?

Oh, Bob, you'll never in a million years
guess where I wound up today. Guess.

- I don't care.
- You don't?

Well, honey, this is the first time
you've smiled in two weeks.

Now, wherever you've gone,
just keep going there.

Well, Bob, I wound up
at the travel bureau, and look.

Two tickets for San Francisco
for Saturday morning.

Bob, we're gonna fly.
I mean, I'm gonna fly.

Bob, you know how you've been after me
to get over my fear of flying for so long?

So I just figured the sooner the better.
What do you say?

Well, I-l think it's wonderful
you-you got over your fear of flying.

Do you think we could- we could wait
a couple weeks before we test it?

- Why?
- Well, it's sort ofan emergency.

I had to switch
Mr. Peterson's appointment to Saturday.

Well, anything to accommodate
Mr. Peterson.

And then Sunday, our tax man is coming.

Well, Bob, can't you cancel him?

Emily, I-l can't cancel an appointment
I made five months ago.

Oh, Bob, nobody makes appointments
five months in advance.

Look, we'll-we'll plan the San Francisco trip
for sometime next month.

Bob, I don't want to plan it.
I want to do it, and I want to do it now.

You know, Bob, you're really lucky
I love you, because if I didn't, I'd-I'd-

Well, go with that thought, Emily.
What would you do?

I'd hit you.
That's what I'd do.

Well, that could be very healthy for you.
Why don't you hit me?

You won't hurt me.
Go ahead and hit me.

How's that?

Fine.

And I'm not too big a man
to admit when I was wrong.

Easy, Emily. Easy.

Bob, it doesn't really hurt that much?

Emily, that's the hardest anyone
ever hit me, including Francis Keck.

Francis Keck?

She was a girl that moved into the
neighborhood when I was in the seventh grade.

She came up to me and she said,
“Be my boyfriend.“

I said, “Under no circumstances
will I be your boyfriend.“

Then she hauled off and slugged me...

right in the same spot.

Well, did you hit her back?

No. I went with her for three years.

That was, uh, 25 years ago...

and the pain was just starting to go away,
and then you hit me there.

Well, now, really, Bob,
you know you asked for it.

Well, Emily, it-it's worth it
if you feel better.

I mean, it's-it's not good
to-to bottle up frustration.

Bob, don't talk to me
like I'm one of your patients.

Besides, it didn't solve anything.
I don't feel any better.

I mean, I bought those tickets for us to fly
somewhere because I felt we had to do something.

Emily, I want to do something.
I just-

- I just can't do it this weekend.
- You already said that, Bob.

- So just forget it.
- But, Emily, I know you're unhappy.

- I was talking tojerry at the office.
- What?

You were talking tojerry about
our personal problems? Why?

Well, because sometimes
Jerry gives you good advice.

I mean, you-you talk to Marilyn
about our personal problems.

Yeah, but I always tell her it's about,
you know, those friends of ours.

Uh, listen, Bob.

I mean, not that I care,
but what didjerry say?

- He said we shouldjump out of a plane together.
- Oh.

What did, uh- What did Marilyn say
about those friends of ours?

Oh, she thought the wife
should have an affair.

I likejerry's advice better.

Well, Marilyn did suggest
one thing that made sense.

- She said we should see a marriage counselor.
Jerry said the same thing.

He did? Really.

Maybe they're right.
Maybe we should see a marriage counselor.

- No.
- That'; it?

just “No“?I mean,
not “Let's talk about it“ or 'Maybe'?

Just plain, unadulterated,
stubborn, one-sided “No“?

Look, Emily, I'm a psychologist.

I deal in marriage counseling in my work.

I mean, we're-we're adult, mature people.

We should know how to deal with
our problems in an adult, mature way.

Well, I would like to hearyour adult, mature
reason for not seeing a marriage counselor.

I don't feel like it.

Bob, you're being childish.

- I am not.
- You are too.

- Am not.
- You are too.

- Am not.
- Are too.

- Am not.
- Are too.

Emily, I thought you were gonna
pick somebody impartial.

I don't even know
this marriage counselor.

Well, that's the whole point, Bob.

What was wrong with Wayne Averil?

Oh, well, I hardly think he's impartial.

Emily, I'm sure he's forgotten about
the fact that I saved his life in Korea.

Well, Bob, Dr. Webster doesn't know
either of us, so it'll work out fine.

Well, you must be the Hartleys.

And you must be Emily.

Yes, that's right, Dr. Webster.

Well, I'll be with you
in just one moment.

I just have to straighten up a little bit.

[Coughing]

Door Closes 1

[Coughing Loudly

Emily, I thought you were supposed
to find somebody neutral.

-I did.
- She's a woman!

That's right, Bob.
I said neutral, not neuter.

Won't you come in, please?

Oh, what a lovely office.

Well, thank you, Emily.

Do you like it, Dr. Hartley?

Yes, it's very, uh, very homey.

My-My mother had drapes like that.

Well, since most of the problems
I deal with are home-oriented...

I find this domestic atmosphere
extremely helpful to my patients.

Please, sit down.
[Blows Nose Loudly]

Incidentally, Dr. Hartley, I'm very flattered
that you chose me to come to.

I've been familiar
with your work for years.

- Oh, uh, really?
- Yes.

I particularly remember a paper you wrote
on group ego some time ago.

Yes, that was some time ago.
I've changed a lot of my views since then.

I hope so.

Uh, Dr. Webster, do you think
we could get started?

You see, we're both here
on our lunch hour.

[Coughing]
Oh,yes.

Of course.
Please, forgive this cold.

I probably would have canceled...

but I don't like to do that when I know
a marriage is injeopardy.

L, uh, really don't think
our marriage is injeopardy.

Well, whether it is or is not,
forgive the cold.

Now, which one of us
would like to start first?

I think Emily would like to start first.

Oh. All right.

Well, uh, I think
the problem is that...

I'm-l'm very outgoing, you know...

and I like things to be spontaneous...

whereas Bob tends to be more,
uh, methodical.

Yeah, I think, Dr. Webster,
what Emily means-

I think she said
what she means rather well.

Look, I don't know how much longer
I'm going to be able to last.

So why don't we just launch into
a little role reversal.

That way, I won't have to talk so much.
[Coughing]

Uh, Dr. Webster, what's role reversal?

Uh, it's, uh- uh-
Dr. Hartley, why don't you explain it to her.

All right.
That's where I'm you and you're me...

and we act out some situation.

Well, that's pretty close.

Oh, good.
Could I be Bob coming home from work?

Oh, perfect. Now, you just come
right through that door.

And, please, feel free to use anything
in this office you'd like to as a prop...

except this Kleenex.

Uh, Dr. Webster, I, uh-

I'm not sure that role reversal
is-is the answer to our particular-

Fine.
Now, you be Emily, and you be Bob.

Now, Emily, where will you be
when Bob comes in?

Uh, I'll be on the, uh-

on the sofa, uh, putting-
putting up my hair.

- Emily, I'm home.
- Oh, I know that, sweetheart.

Right on the dot... as always.

Most wives have to worry about their husbands
stopping off at a bar or something, but...

I know you'll always come
straight home...

and sit in your couch
and read your newspaper...

sol can reach you
anytime I need you.

And, you know,
you're always there to listen to me, Bob.

Even though you're reading
or watching television...

you're never too busy
to answer me.

I guess it's no wonder
I'm so crazy about you, Bob.

I never said anything like that
in my entire life.

Excuse me, Dr. Hartley...

but as one professional to another,
I thinkyou're stacking the deck.

Now, why don't we start all over.

I'm sorry, Emily.

Emily, I'm home.

[Yawning]
Oh, hi, honey.

I had nothing to do all day,
sol rearranged the furniture.

Emily, from the bottom of my heart,
I hate it. I think it looks terrible.

Where's my newspaper
and my drink with the three ice cubes?

Dr. Webster,
I don't think this is gonna work.

It will work, Dr. Hartley.

Wejust have to give it a chance.

[Clearing Throat] Now,
either you do it right, or you don't do it at all.

- Okay.
- Now, why don't you go out this time.

Good idea.

He's not coming back, you know.

Door Slams Shut]

Bob, what are you doing here?
It's nowhere near 6:20.

L-I know. I, uh-
I've been here all afternoon.

I just- I couldn't go back to work.

Well, I should have come home too.

I couldn't work either.

I showed my class three hours
of personal hygiene films:

Clean Hands, Clean Faces
and Clean Legs.

I just sat there in the dark,
watching little kids scrub their kneecaps...

wondering why all this is happening
to us and wishing it wasn't.

Yeah, I felt the same way until I, uh-
I thought of something.

I don't know.

It may not be the answer,
but I think we have to try it.

What are you talking about?

- Oh, Bob, that's not the answer.
- I think it is, Emily.

- Well, where will you go?
- Where will we go-you and me.

- Where?
- Out to dinner.

- With two suitcases?
- Well, to dinner in New Orleans.

- New Orleans?
-Yeah, Emily, it's just, uh- it's an impulse.

Just a wild impulse.
I've taken care of everything.

We're gonna have
shrimp Creole at Antoine's.

Then we're gonna go to Basin Street
and listen to Dixieland.

And then, uh-
then we'll go to the bayou.

Son of a gun.
We're gonna have big fun, Emily.

Bob, I can't go.
I have school tomorrow.

No, you don't.
I-l called up your principal.

You called Mr. Brimskill?
What did he say?

He said, uh, pneumonia
was not to be taken lightly.

You should get plenty of rest,
and he'll see you on Monday.

Bob, what about your patients?

I'm giving double sessions all next week.
Come on. We got a plane to catch.

A what?

Emily, two weeks ago, you were ready
to fly to San Francisco. What happened?

That was two weeks ago.
I was desperate. I would have tried anything.

But now I got my feet on the ground, Bob.
I want to keep them there.

Well, Emily, this-
this wasn't easy for me.

But I did it because maybe
we-we have gotten into a rut...

and maybe some of it is my fault.

And, uh, because our marriage
is very important to me...

and I-l care about it
more than anything...

and, uh, and because I love you.

Oh, Bob, I love you too.

And this is-
this is really important, Bob...

but, you know, planning the trip
is even more important than taking it...

especially on a plane.

And in this weather, Bob-l mean, I absolutely
refuse to fly in this terrible weather.

Emily, the- the sun is shining.

Oh, no.

- Are you ready?
- Bob, I haven't even packed.

- I packed everything for you.
- Well, what if you forgot something?

Whatever you forgot,
we'll buy down there.

- Bob, what hotel are we staying in?
- What difference does it make?

Gee, you know, Bob, all of a sudden,
you're so strong and impulsive.

- You're damn right, Emily.
- I think I liked you better the other way.

Emily, I'm home.

Of course you are, sweetheart.

Right on time,just like always.

Other wives have to worry about
their husbands stopping off at bars.

But not me, Bob,
You come right home.

You sit on the couch
where I can always find you.

And you're never too busy for me.

Even if you're reading or watching TV,
you can always answer me.

I guess that's why
I'm so crazy about you, Bob.

[ Mews]