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1
00:00:02,823 --> 00:00:04,825
Hello?
2
00:00:41,261 --> 00:00:43,207
[whirring]
3
00:00:44,431 --> 00:00:46,604
[Knocking]
4
00:00:49,636 --> 00:00:51,741
[Knocking]
5
00:00:51,805 --> 00:00:53,751
Ah. It's open, dear.
6
00:00:57,377 --> 00:00:59,323
It's not dear, Emily.
It's me, Howard.
7
00:00:59,379 --> 00:01:02,724
- Oh, well, Howard, you're dear too. Come on in.
- 0h, thank you
8
00:01:02,783 --> 00:01:06,424
- Where's Bob? - He just went down
to the basement to take the trash.
9
00:01:07,587 --> 00:01:09,863
You, uh, two have had
a fight, haven't you?
10
00:01:09,923 --> 00:01:12,369
No, Howard. Why?
11
00:01:12,425 --> 00:01:16,874
Well, when I was married and my wife and I
had a fight, I'd take the trash down too.
12
00:01:16,930 --> 00:01:20,207
And I'd just sit there
in that dark, musty cellar...
13
00:01:20,267 --> 00:01:23,271
with all those cans and garbage.
14
00:01:23,336 --> 00:01:26,010
Boy, it really cleared my head up.
15
00:01:26,072 --> 00:01:29,713
Well, we didn't have a fight, Howard.
Would you do me a favor?
16
00:01:29,776 --> 00:01:32,780
Would you hand me
that blue schoolbook over there?
17
00:01:32,846 --> 00:01:34,792
- This one?
- Uh-huh.
18
00:01:35,849 --> 00:01:37,954
[Chuckles]
Wow.
19
00:01:38,018 --> 00:01:43,229
"The Sociological Implications
and Ramifications of Intelligence Quotients. ”
20
00:01:43,290 --> 00:01:46,635
Wow. When we were in third grade,
we read Let'; Visit the Dairy
21
00:01:46,693 --> 00:01:50,140
No, this is my book, Howard.
I just passed my exams.
22
00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:52,143
Now I'm a qualified psychometrist.
23
00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:54,941
Oh, great, a psychometrist
here in the building.
24
00:01:55,001 --> 00:01:57,447
That's great to know
in case I need one.
25
00:01:57,504 --> 00:01:59,450
Why would I ever need one?
26
00:01:59,506 --> 00:02:02,783
Howard, a psychometrist
gives I.Q. tests.
27
00:02:02,843 --> 00:02:06,222
Oh, I don't, uh-
I don't ever remember taking an I.Q. test.
28
00:02:06,279 --> 00:02:07,986
You must have
taken one in the army.
29
00:02:08,048 --> 00:02:11,325
No, there's only one test
I remember taking in the army.
30
00:02:13,286 --> 00:02:16,460
It wasn't for I.Q.
31
00:02:16,523 --> 00:02:18,833
Well, Howard,
why don't I give one to you?
32
00:02:18,892 --> 00:02:21,771
It'll be good practice for me,
and you'll know your I.Q.
33
00:02:21,828 --> 00:02:24,035
- Do I have to?
- Oh, you'll do fine.
34
00:02:24,097 --> 00:02:26,202
I'm gonna give it just the way
I would in the classroom...
35
00:02:26,266 --> 00:02:28,906
so you pay strict attention
to the instructions, okay?
36
00:02:28,969 --> 00:02:32,849
- I will, Mrs. Hartley.
- All right. “Start with Section A.
37
00:02:32,906 --> 00:02:36,820
“Once you complete Section A, do not
go ahead until you are instructed to do so.
38
00:02:36,877 --> 00:02:40,188
“Once you are in Section B,
do not go back, or you will be penalized.
39
00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,853
“Do not in any way solicit help
from your neighbor.
40
00:02:42,916 --> 00:02:46,261
Any aberration from the instructions
will cause nullification of your test."
41
00:02:46,319 --> 00:02:48,629
You ready, Howard?
42
00:02:48,688 --> 00:02:50,861
I hope the questions are easier
than the instructions.
43
00:02:53,827 --> 00:02:56,103
Oh, honey, what's that
on your slacks?
44
00:02:56,162 --> 00:02:59,371
Uh, cranberry sauce, turkey gravy
and a little red wine, I think.
45
00:02:59,432 --> 00:03:01,469
The bottom fell out of the bag.
46
00:03:01,534 --> 00:03:05,482
- What are you doing, Howard?
- Emily's giving me an I.Q. test.
47
00:03:05,538 --> 00:03:08,144
- You wanna take it with me?
- Oh, Bob doesn't believe in these tests.
48
00:03:08,208 --> 00:03:11,280
Emily, it's not that I don't believe in them.
it's just they don't prove anything.
49
00:03:11,344 --> 00:03:13,290
I mean, they aren't even accurate.
50
00:03:13,346 --> 00:03:15,383
Did you know Albert Einstein
flunked math?
51
00:03:15,448 --> 00:03:18,554
Really?I got a B-minus.
52
00:03:18,618 --> 00:03:22,327
Bob, won't you please take it?
It'll really be good practice for me.
53
00:03:22,389 --> 00:03:25,302
Emily, I'm just gonna sit here
and read the paper...
54
00:03:25,358 --> 00:03:27,668
and marinate.
55
00:03:27,727 --> 00:03:30,367
Well, Howard, I guess
you might as well begin.
56
00:03:30,430 --> 00:03:33,172
Now you do the best you can,
and if you have any questions...
57
00:03:33,233 --> 00:03:36,680
you just raise your hand.
58
00:03:45,512 --> 00:03:47,458
What is it, Howard?
59
00:03:47,514 --> 00:03:50,017
Could you ask Bob
to stop rattling that paper, please?
60
00:03:50,083 --> 00:03:52,495
Sorry, Howard.
61
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,326
Maybe I'll read the pillow.
62
00:03:57,991 --> 00:04:01,131
Let me see. Where was I?
“Two trains approaching each other...
63
00:04:01,194 --> 00:04:04,835
“from a distance
of612 kilometers...
64
00:04:04,898 --> 00:04:07,344
“87 miles an hour...
65
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,813
“one has 72 cars and a caboose...
66
00:04:10,870 --> 00:04:13,510
“weighs 72 tons.
67
00:04:13,573 --> 00:04:17,077
The other has six-minute stops
for express.“
68
00:04:24,250 --> 00:04:26,560
What's the matter, Howard?
You have to leave the room?
69
00:04:26,619 --> 00:04:29,190
No, the country.
70
00:04:29,255 --> 00:04:31,201
I forgot I'm flying to Paris.
71
00:04:31,257 --> 00:04:34,238
Well, Howard, why did you start the test
if you knew you couldn't finish it?
72
00:04:34,294 --> 00:04:37,104
- I didn't think it would take that long.
- It'll only take a couple hours.
73
00:04:37,163 --> 00:04:39,404
In a couple of hours,
my plane will be over the ocean.
74
00:04:39,466 --> 00:04:42,777
It's not like running for a bus, you know.
I'll see you guys.
75
00:04:42,836 --> 00:04:48,548
Oh, now I have a half-started practice test
that won't do me any good.
76
00:04:48,608 --> 00:04:52,750
Mm-hmm. Emily, how about
we go to that movie at the Lakeside?
77
00:04:52,812 --> 00:04:54,758
No, I don't wanna
go to that movie.
78
00:04:54,814 --> 00:04:57,124
How about the concert
in the park that we-
79
00:04:57,183 --> 00:04:59,493
- No, no, I don't wanna go there either.
- How about-
80
00:04:59,552 --> 00:05:02,089
No, no, Bob.
I don't wanna do that either.
81
00:05:02,155 --> 00:05:05,329
- You want me to take the test, don't you?
- That's right, Bob.
82
00:05:12,098 --> 00:05:14,442
- Hi, honey. I'm home.
- 0h, I11; dear.
83
00:05:14,501 --> 00:05:17,675
- How was your day?
- Okay. How was your day?
84
00:05:17,737 --> 00:05:21,014
Oh, it was really exciting.
I took your slacks to the cleaners.
85
00:05:21,074 --> 00:05:25,147
They can get the turkey gravy out
and the cranberry sauce, but not the wine.
86
00:05:25,211 --> 00:05:28,988
Sol told them to dye your slacks
sparkling burgundy.
87
00:05:29,049 --> 00:05:31,962
Good. That'll go
with my meat-colored shirt.
88
00:05:32,018 --> 00:05:34,430
Yeah.
89
00:05:34,487 --> 00:05:37,024
How was the, uh-
How was the rest of your day?
90
00:05:37,090 --> 00:05:39,969
Oh, it was great.
I gave my first I.Q. test today.
91
00:05:40,026 --> 00:05:43,439
- Oh, how'd they come out?
- I don't know. I haven't graded them yet.
92
00:05:43,496 --> 00:05:49,344
How did the one come out
you gave last night, you know, to me?
93
00:05:49,402 --> 00:05:51,712
Oh, fine.
94
00:05:54,207 --> 00:05:56,153
How, uh- How fine?
95
00:05:56,209 --> 00:06:01,181
Why are you so interested?
I thought you didn't believe in I.Q. tests.
96
00:06:01,247 --> 00:06:04,160
Well, Emily, if I can give up
three hours of my life to take an I.Q. test...
97
00:06:04,217 --> 00:06:06,857
you can give up three seconds of your life
to answer it for me.
98
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:10,834
- What was the score?
- I don't think people should know their I.Q.'s.
99
00:06:12,625 --> 00:06:14,571
Well, you know your I.Q.
100
00:06:14,627 --> 00:06:16,573
Well, that's different.
I have to know mine.
101
00:06:16,629 --> 00:06:18,870
Well, I have to know mine.
What was it?
102
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,847
- 129.
- 129. That's good, isn't it?
103
00:06:23,903 --> 00:06:27,009
Oh, that's very good, Bob.
That's almost gifted.
104
00:06:30,643 --> 00:06:32,589
Almost gifted?
105
00:06:32,645 --> 00:06:36,787
What's yours?
106
00:06:36,850 --> 00:06:39,729
Oh, it's not important.
107
00:06:39,786 --> 00:06:42,665
Well, I know it's not important,
but what is it?
108
00:06:42,722 --> 00:06:46,101
Well, I'm embarrassed.
109
00:06:46,159 --> 00:06:48,105
Well, honey,
don't be embarrassed.
110
00:06:48,161 --> 00:06:50,937
I had four more years of college than you had.
I'm a Ph.D.
111
00:06:52,665 --> 00:06:55,168
Bob, it's 151.
112
00:06:57,103 --> 00:06:59,310
- That's good too.
- Uh-huh.
113
00:07:01,174 --> 00:07:03,415
Yes. All right.
Thank you very much.
114
00:07:03,476 --> 00:07:05,422
SorryJer.
Beverly's not home.
115
00:07:05,478 --> 00:07:07,719
[Sighs]
Did you try Ursula?
116
00:07:07,780 --> 00:07:11,250
Yeah, and she's real glad to hear
from you again after all this time...
117
00:07:11,317 --> 00:07:13,263
- but she can't go tonight.
- How come?
118
00:07:13,319 --> 00:07:16,698
The Mother Superior won't let her leave
the convent after 7:00.
119
00:07:18,558 --> 00:07:21,539
Okay. Let's try Paula here.
120
00:07:21,594 --> 00:07:23,972
Carol}
Uh-huh.
121
00:07:24,030 --> 00:07:27,068
Hey, Bob, would you be interested
in going to a play with me tonight?
122
00:07:27,133 --> 00:07:29,204
Oh, I'm sorry, we can't,jerry.
We have plans.
123
00:07:29,269 --> 00:07:32,739
Oh, boy, great.
That makes 14 strikeouts in one morning.
124
00:07:32,805 --> 00:07:35,308
- Fifteen.
- What's the playJerry?
125
00:07:35,375 --> 00:07:38,379
Oh, it's a new rock musical.
It's called Teflon.
126
00:07:39,579 --> 00:07:42,185
It's a nostalgic look
back at the '70s.
127
00:07:43,583 --> 00:07:46,291
Gee, I'm real sorry
I'm gonna miss thatjerry.
128
00:07:46,352 --> 00:07:48,923
Okay, Carol, let's try Rochelle.
129
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,595
Jerry, did you ever take
an I.Q. test?
130
00:07:53,660 --> 00:07:55,571
- I don't really believe in 'em.
- Me neither.
131
00:07:55,628 --> 00:07:57,403
- I don't think they're accurate.
- Exactly.
132
00:07:57,463 --> 00:07:59,943
I mean, I know
I'm smarter than 136.
133
00:08:05,972 --> 00:08:10,148
Jerry, yourLQ. is 136?
134
00:08:10,210 --> 00:08:12,156
That's right.
What's yours?
135
00:08:12,212 --> 00:08:16,160
Well, it's in that neighborhood.
136
00:08:17,317 --> 00:08:19,820
It does have three numbers
in it, doesn't it?
137
00:08:22,689 --> 00:08:24,635
Of course it doesJerry.
It's 129.
138
00:08:24,691 --> 00:08:27,262
Oh. Well, look, Bob...
139
00:08:27,327 --> 00:08:29,864
don't be embarrassed
just because I'm a little smarter than you are.
140
00:08:29,929 --> 00:08:32,773
I mean, 129
is way above the average.
141
00:08:32,832 --> 00:08:35,642
Not in my house, it isn't.
142
00:08:37,070 --> 00:08:39,016
- Morning, Emily.
- Hi, dear.
143
00:08:39,072 --> 00:08:41,052
Your coffees poured,
your toast is in the toaster...
144
00:08:41,107 --> 00:08:43,053
and your grapefruit
is cut in sections.
145
00:08:43,109 --> 00:08:45,589
That's such
a terrible waste of ability.
146
00:08:45,645 --> 00:08:49,457
You should be spending your time
finding a cure for old age or something.
147
00:08:51,084 --> 00:08:53,257
You know, Bob, ever since
you took that I.Q. test...
148
00:08:53,319 --> 00:08:56,232
you've been sitting around
acting petulant.
149
00:08:56,289 --> 00:08:58,496
- What do you mean by that?
- Petulant.
150
00:08:58,558 --> 00:09:00,868
It means suddenly irritated
by the trivial.
151
00:09:00,927 --> 00:09:02,873
Emily, I know
what petulant means.
152
00:09:02,929 --> 00:09:06,399
You don't have to talk down to mejust
because I'm not as intelligent as you are.
153
00:09:07,667 --> 00:09:10,147
Bob, you are intelligent.
154
00:09:10,203 --> 00:09:12,149
Well, maybe I am, Emily...
155
00:09:12,205 --> 00:09:14,378
but ever since I found out
what our I.Q.'s are...
156
00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:16,386
well, I think
it's affecting our marriage.
157
00:09:16,442 --> 00:09:19,980
- What do you mean by that?
- Marriage is a wedding between-
158
00:09:20,046 --> 00:09:22,390
Oh, Bob, I know
what marriage means.
159
00:09:23,783 --> 00:09:26,889
What's it got to do with us?
We've got a perfect marriage.
160
00:09:26,953 --> 00:09:30,423
Emily, a perfect marriage is where
the husband and wife have the same I.Q.
161
00:09:31,924 --> 00:09:34,928
Oh, Bob, it is not important.
162
00:09:34,994 --> 00:09:37,736
Next to perfect is where the husband's
is higher than the wife's.
163
00:09:37,797 --> 00:09:40,277
Bob, forget it.
164
00:09:40,333 --> 00:09:42,939
Third is where the wife
is one point higher than the husband.
165
00:09:43,002 --> 00:09:45,346
- Please, Bob.
- And the fourth...
166
00:09:45,405 --> 00:09:47,407
which is us,
which is the worst...
167
00:09:47,473 --> 00:09:50,545
is where the wife is I 5i
and the husband is 129...
168
00:09:50,610 --> 00:09:54,251
which is a difference of, uh-
169
00:09:54,314 --> 00:09:56,590
Twenty-two.
170
00:10:02,755 --> 00:10:04,826
[Mumbling]
171
00:10:04,891 --> 00:10:07,735
- Oh, you're busy, huh?
- Oh, no. Come on in, Bob.
172
00:10:07,794 --> 00:10:10,274
I was just cleaning Carol's tooth.
173
00:10:11,898 --> 00:10:14,504
- Her tooth?
- Yeah, every Friday...
174
00:10:14,567 --> 00:10:16,877
Jerry cleans one tooth
during my coffee break.
175
00:10:16,936 --> 00:10:18,882
That's right, Bob.
If you look very closely...
176
00:10:18,938 --> 00:10:20,975
you'll see no two of her teeth
look exactly alike.
177
00:10:22,308 --> 00:10:24,254
- What can I do for you?
- It can wait.
178
00:10:24,310 --> 00:10:26,654
- I'll come back when you've finished.
- It's all right, Bob.
179
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:29,091
We're all through here.
180
00:10:30,616 --> 00:10:33,790
Oh, you got a lot ofstylejer.
181
00:10:33,853 --> 00:10:38,063
Thank you so much
for the cleaning and the whiplash.
182
00:10:39,325 --> 00:10:41,635
Okay, Bob, sit down.
183
00:10:41,694 --> 00:10:43,674
No, I think I'll standJerry.
184
00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:45,835
Oh, come on, Bob.
I'm not gonna hurt you.
185
00:10:47,667 --> 00:10:49,613
Atta boy.
186
00:10:49,669 --> 00:10:53,617
Okay, Bob, now what's the problem?
Go on, spit it out.
187
00:10:53,673 --> 00:10:57,450
Jerry, I won't be able to go with you
to the basketball game tonight.
188
00:10:57,510 --> 00:11:00,787
You don't have to explain anything to me, Bob.
I'll just find somebody else to go.
189
00:11:00,847 --> 00:11:05,318
See, Emily's been invited tojoin
the High I.Q. Club, and they're having a dance.
190
00:11:05,385 --> 00:11:07,490
What's the High I.Q. Club?
191
00:11:07,553 --> 00:11:09,726
Well, it's really quite
an honor, and we're-
192
00:11:09,789 --> 00:11:12,463
you know, we'rejust thrilled
that Emily's been invited tojoin.
193
00:11:14,227 --> 00:11:18,300
It's a club for people
whose I.Q. is over 140.
194
00:11:18,364 --> 00:11:23,609
And, oh, did I mention that we're really thrilled
that Emily was invited tojoin it?
195
00:11:23,669 --> 00:11:27,276
Yeah, yeah, you said that, Bob.
I wasn't convinced.
196
00:11:27,340 --> 00:11:29,616
Yeah, well, anyway,
she's gonna become a member...
197
00:11:29,675 --> 00:11:32,315
and she and I
are going to the dance.
198
00:11:32,378 --> 00:11:35,359
How are you going to get in, Bob?
Are you using a fake IQ I.D.?
199
00:11:37,750 --> 00:11:39,696
I'm going as her dateJerry.
200
00:11:39,752 --> 00:11:41,789
- What's the matter with that?
- I don't know.
201
00:11:41,854 --> 00:11:45,825
L'vejust been looking
at Emily through different eyes.
202
00:11:45,892 --> 00:11:47,894
You know, dumb eyes.
203
00:11:49,495 --> 00:11:51,532
What's she doing, Bob,
flaunting her brains?
204
00:11:51,597 --> 00:11:54,874
No, it's just that I've started
noticing things I never noticed before.
205
00:11:54,934 --> 00:11:58,746
Like she does
crossword puzzles in ink.
206
00:12:01,174 --> 00:12:05,714
She understands how the “drowse“ button
on the digital clock works.
207
00:12:07,213 --> 00:12:10,217
And she knows the latest price
on Nixon's home.
208
00:12:11,484 --> 00:12:13,430
Bob, I don't understand you.
209
00:12:13,486 --> 00:12:15,762
You think because you're a man,
you gotta be smarter than a woman?
210
00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:17,768
That's not very modern, Bob.
211
00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:19,895
I mean, that's really
behind the times.
212
00:12:19,959 --> 00:12:22,838
They've come a long way, baby.
213
00:12:22,895 --> 00:12:26,001
Bob, you just go
to that dance tonight.
214
00:12:26,065 --> 00:12:28,671
Have a real good time.
Let Emily lead.
215
00:12:28,734 --> 00:12:32,272
Try and look nice on her arm, you know?
Smile pretty.
216
00:12:32,338 --> 00:12:36,912
Then afterwards, when she takes you home,
ifshe tries to fool around with you...
217
00:12:36,976 --> 00:12:38,922
you just tell her
you got a headache.
218
00:12:46,052 --> 00:12:50,899
Well, this is the first time I felt
lever should have studied for a dance.
219
00:12:50,957 --> 00:12:53,733
Bob,just relax
and enjoy yourself.
220
00:12:53,793 --> 00:12:55,966
We're gonna have
a wonderful time tonight.
221
00:12:56,028 --> 00:12:58,338
- You sure?
- Oh, Bob...
222
00:12:58,397 --> 00:13:01,435
I'm nervous enough about tonight
without you being nervous about tonight.
223
00:13:01,501 --> 00:13:04,971
Are you sure the suit's all right?
I mean, it did say “black tie optional.“
224
00:13:05,037 --> 00:13:07,984
Oh, honey, you know how things are today.
Anything goes.
225
00:13:10,443 --> 00:13:13,049
,','[Dance]
226
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:27,201
Emily, you don't happen to have a tuxedo
in your purse, do you?
227
00:13:28,761 --> 00:13:31,571
- Bob, nobody will notice.
- Hello.
228
00:13:31,631 --> 00:13:35,670
- Are you new members?
-Yes. Well, I mean, I am.
229
00:13:35,735 --> 00:13:38,272
I'm Emily Hartley.
And this is my guest, my husband, Bob.
230
00:13:38,337 --> 00:13:41,978
Well, hello. And welcome to
the High I.Q. Club Dinner Dance.
231
00:13:42,041 --> 00:13:44,317
Now, uh, oh, yes.
Here are your name tags.
232
00:13:44,377 --> 00:13:47,586
Dinner will be a little late.
You can start by dancing and have fun.
233
00:13:50,483 --> 00:13:52,463
- It sounded like an order.
- Yeah.
234
00:13:53,653 --> 00:13:58,124
“Hi. I'm Emily Hartley. 151.“
235
00:14:00,159 --> 00:14:03,572
“Hi. I'm
Emily Hartley's husband.“
236
00:14:04,864 --> 00:14:07,970
Well, the evening's
off to a great start.
237
00:14:09,702 --> 00:14:13,980
[Speaking Gibberish]
238
00:14:16,108 --> 00:14:19,146
I'm sorry.
We don't speak Swedish.
239
00:14:19,211 --> 00:14:21,748
Oh, neither do I.
That was English.
240
00:14:21,814 --> 00:14:25,660
I said, “Hello. I'm David Robbins.
Glad to meet you,“ backwards.
241
00:14:25,718 --> 00:14:30,133
You see, it's this gift
or “tfig” I have.
242
00:14:30,189 --> 00:14:33,398
I see all words
“sdrawkcab,“ backwards.
243
00:14:33,459 --> 00:14:36,599
Oh, I see.
So, so “olleh“ is hello.
244
00:14:36,662 --> 00:14:39,575
Is that right?
I mean, “thgir?
245
00:14:39,632 --> 00:14:41,873
“Thgir?
You catch on very “tsaf.“
246
00:14:41,934 --> 00:14:44,505
Oh, fast.
Oh, Bob, this is fun. Try it.
247
00:14:47,406 --> 00:14:49,352
Maybe later.
248
00:14:49,408 --> 00:14:54,084
I am so sorry, David. Here we are talking,
and I haven't even introduced myself.
249
00:14:54,146 --> 00:14:56,092
My name is Emily Hartley.
250
00:14:56,148 --> 00:15:00,358
Emily Hartley. “Ylime Yeltrah.“
Very nice. And you're-
251
00:15:00,419 --> 00:15:04,026
Uh, Bob.
252
00:15:07,426 --> 00:15:09,929
Well, that's about all
we can do with that one, isn't it?
253
00:15:11,497 --> 00:15:14,740
- Excuse me.
- I'm sorry.
254
00:15:16,202 --> 00:15:18,239
It isn'tyourfault
your name is Bob.
255
00:15:18,304 --> 00:15:20,511
Somehow I felt it was.
256
00:15:20,573 --> 00:15:22,519
Listen. Why don't I
get us a drink?
257
00:15:22,575 --> 00:15:25,249
Emily, let me.
I know I can do that.
258
00:15:25,311 --> 00:15:28,315
Oh, of course you can, dear.
259
00:15:29,448 --> 00:15:32,918
- Two scotch and sodas.
- Uh, pardon me.
260
00:15:32,985 --> 00:15:37,832
I have an absolutely
fantastic memory for faces...
261
00:15:37,890 --> 00:15:39,892
and I've never seen
your face before, right?
262
00:15:39,959 --> 00:15:42,963
- Right.
- I'm Dr. Ralph Hodiak.
263
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:45,100
- Oh, how do you do? I'm-
- Leo, right?
264
00:15:45,164 --> 00:15:49,943
No, Bob.
It's the same spelled backwards.
265
00:15:50,002 --> 00:15:51,982
No, no, I mean, your birth sign.
266
00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:54,985
You're a-
You're a Leo, aren't you?
267
00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:57,282
- No, no, I'm not.
- Now, don't tell me.
268
00:15:57,343 --> 00:15:59,414
I'll tell you.
That's my business.
269
00:15:59,478 --> 00:16:02,652
Oh, Hodiak. You write
that astrology column in the paper.
270
00:16:02,715 --> 00:16:05,491
HodiakZodiac.
271
00:16:05,551 --> 00:16:09,465
Yeah, I really enjoy your column,
except for certain days, you know.
272
00:16:09,522 --> 00:16:12,731
Well, we all have to take
the bad with the good.
273
00:16:12,792 --> 00:16:16,262
Even you Libras.
You're a Libra, aren't you?
274
00:16:16,328 --> 00:16:18,638
No.
275
00:16:18,698 --> 00:16:21,110
Scorpio.
276
00:16:21,167 --> 00:16:23,238
I've got it.
277
00:16:23,302 --> 00:16:27,250
The round face, the hands,
the small feet.
278
00:16:27,306 --> 00:16:30,287
You're an Aquarius.
279
00:16:30,342 --> 00:16:32,515
No.
280
00:16:32,578 --> 00:16:34,558
Aries?
281
00:16:37,016 --> 00:16:40,589
You're a-
Not a- Not a Virgo.
282
00:16:40,653 --> 00:16:42,360
Yes, I am.
283
00:16:42,421 --> 00:16:45,425
Well, of course you're a Virgo.
I knew it.
284
00:16:46,592 --> 00:16:48,970
That's amazing.
285
00:16:50,196 --> 00:16:53,143
Like I said before,
that's my business.
286
00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:58,446
- Here's your drink, Emily.
- Oh, thank you, dear.
287
00:16:58,504 --> 00:17:00,814
Emily, what did you say
your husband's name was?
288
00:17:00,873 --> 00:17:04,218
Just call me Mr. Emily Hartley.
289
00:17:04,276 --> 00:17:06,483
Well, I want you to know,
Mr. Hartley...
290
00:17:06,545 --> 00:17:11,824
that you are always welcome
at our club.
291
00:17:13,018 --> 00:17:14,964
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
292
00:17:17,456 --> 00:17:20,335
I think that does it.
293
00:17:20,392 --> 00:17:22,338
You ready to leave, Emily?
294
00:17:22,394 --> 00:17:24,396
Bob, we haven't even
had our dinner yet.
295
00:17:24,463 --> 00:17:27,910
Well, Emily, that's fine. It'll save you
the embarrassment of cutting my meat for me.
296
00:17:30,002 --> 00:17:32,881
Hi. I heard there was
another 151 here tonight.
297
00:17:32,938 --> 00:17:35,316
I'm a 151 too.
Would you like to dance?
298
00:17:35,374 --> 00:17:39,049
- Oh, well, I don't-
- Emily, why don't you?
299
00:17:39,111 --> 00:17:41,216
You two have so much in common.
300
00:17:54,460 --> 00:17:57,202
- How you doing?
- Okay.
301
00:17:57,263 --> 00:18:01,268
Okay is better than me.
I hate being here.
302
00:18:01,333 --> 00:18:03,279
- You do?
- Yeah, I do.
303
00:18:03,335 --> 00:18:07,408
It's boring, insipid... and weird.
304
00:18:11,177 --> 00:18:14,750
Gee, I'm glad to hear that.
305
00:18:14,814 --> 00:18:17,590
They'd have to pay me to get me
to come to one of these things again.
306
00:18:17,650 --> 00:18:20,790
Mm. That's the only way
they get me to come here.
307
00:18:20,853 --> 00:18:24,096
You want a crab puff
before I go back to the kitchen?
308
00:18:31,163 --> 00:18:34,770
Man Over Speaker]
Uh, attention please. It's time for club pictures.
309
00:18:34,834 --> 00:18:38,338
All High IQ members
to this end of the hall.
310
00:18:38,404 --> 00:18:42,079
Uh, the guy in the suigjust stay
right there by the punch bowl.
311
00:18:55,020 --> 00:18:58,058
Probably the second
worst evening of my life.
312
00:18:58,123 --> 00:19:02,128
The first worst evening was in a foxhole
at Panmunjom when my bazooka jammed.
313
00:19:06,599 --> 00:19:09,944
Well, they weren't exactly
my favorite people either.
314
00:19:10,002 --> 00:19:13,950
But you didn't help matters. You were putting
everything down from the minute we got there.
315
00:19:14,006 --> 00:19:17,078
And the way you walked out right in
the middle of that comedian's routine.
316
00:19:17,142 --> 00:19:20,988
Emily, I don't know what it is.
I just don't like Polish jokes.
317
00:19:21,046 --> 00:19:23,856
Especiallyin Polish.
318
00:19:24,717 --> 00:19:26,663
Everything was pretentious.
319
00:19:26,719 --> 00:19:29,063
A bunch of pretentious people,
bending over backwards...
320
00:19:29,121 --> 00:19:31,499
trying to seem
like regular guys.
321
00:19:31,557 --> 00:19:35,869
You must admit, “Beer Barrel Polka“
on the harp is a little too much.
322
00:19:37,196 --> 00:19:40,473
You know, Bob,
you are really exaggerating.
323
00:19:40,532 --> 00:19:44,344
- It was not that bad.
- Well, I am not exaggerating the way I felt.
324
00:19:44,403 --> 00:19:48,283
I felt like
Florence Nightingale's husband.
325
00:19:48,340 --> 00:19:50,342
Florence Nightingale
didn't have a husband.
326
00:19:50,409 --> 00:19:53,879
Emily, I'm getting
very tired of you.
327
00:19:55,781 --> 00:19:59,558
Well, I am really sorry
you didn't like being my husband tonight.
328
00:19:59,618 --> 00:20:02,827
But I'm always your wife,
and tonight was your turn.
329
00:20:02,888 --> 00:20:06,233
You know, Bob, I felt really proud
being accepted as an individual for a change...
330
00:20:06,292 --> 00:20:08,238
instead of just as your wife.
331
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:10,296
I didn't know
you minded being my wife.
332
00:20:10,362 --> 00:20:13,309
Well, I don't mind being your wife.
333
00:20:13,365 --> 00:20:15,311
But, you know,
I always go to your functions.
334
00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:19,372
And to tell you the truth, Bob,
I don't always enjoy myself.
335
00:20:19,438 --> 00:20:24,148
You didn't have fun
at the last social psychology symposium?
336
00:20:26,011 --> 00:20:30,153
You mean, the one where Dr. Ernst Lerner
spoke for four hours about modular man?
337
00:20:30,215 --> 00:20:33,992
- That's the one.
- About as much fun as you had tonight.
338
00:20:34,053 --> 00:20:36,192
You were that miserable?
339
00:20:36,255 --> 00:20:40,203
I didn't mind though, Bob,
because I knew you were enjoying yourself.
340
00:20:40,259 --> 00:20:44,708
To tell you the truth, Bob,
I didn't understand one word that man said.
341
00:20:44,763 --> 00:20:47,334
You, uh- You didn't?
342
00:20:47,399 --> 00:20:50,073
No. But I didn't get upset
because I felt dumber than you.
343
00:20:50,135 --> 00:20:53,378
I mean, Bob,
I don't know why you're so sensitive.
344
00:20:53,439 --> 00:20:57,080
Emily, sit down.
345
00:21:02,081 --> 00:21:04,027
It came to me
at the dance tonight.
346
00:21:04,083 --> 00:21:07,963
This woman was talking to me, and I couldn't
understand a word she was saying...
347
00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:11,194
and I had a lot of time to think.
348
00:21:14,927 --> 00:21:17,669
When I was in grammar school,
I went out for the baseball team...
349
00:21:17,730 --> 00:21:20,472
and I was a pretty good hitter
and a good fielder.
350
00:21:20,532 --> 00:21:24,412
I mean, I was the best ground ball fielder
ofany kid my age.
351
00:21:24,470 --> 00:21:28,247
But I just-
I couldn't catch pop flies.
352
00:21:28,307 --> 00:21:32,278
And once, Kenny Solheim hit a pop fly,
and I was in the outfield.
353
00:21:32,344 --> 00:21:35,154
And I was pounding my glove,
you know,just waiting for it.
354
00:21:35,214 --> 00:21:38,525
And then it-
it landed 2O feet behind me.
355
00:21:40,185 --> 00:21:42,324
And three runs scored,
and everybody started yelling...
356
00:21:42,388 --> 00:21:46,268
“Get Hartley outta there!
Get Hartley outta there“- Even my dad.
357
00:21:48,694 --> 00:21:52,005
I mean, I was so humiliated,
I gave up baseball.
358
00:21:52,064 --> 00:21:56,570
I concentrated on my studies,
and I became a good student.
359
00:21:56,635 --> 00:21:59,844
I mean, I was
the brightest kid in my class.
360
00:21:59,905 --> 00:22:03,011
I'm almost gifted,you know.
361
00:22:03,075 --> 00:22:04,986
I know, Bob.
362
00:22:05,044 --> 00:22:08,355
And then when I found out
what your I.Q. was...
363
00:22:08,414 --> 00:22:11,691
it was like a pop fly
hit me right on the head.
364
00:22:11,750 --> 00:22:17,564
Bob, you know what's wrong
with I.Q. tests?
365
00:22:18,824 --> 00:22:20,770
They don't measure sensitivity.
366
00:22:20,826 --> 00:22:25,206
And they don't measure
how nice you are.
367
00:22:25,264 --> 00:22:28,370
And they don't measure
how much I love you.
368
00:22:28,434 --> 00:22:32,541
And that's why I don't believe
in those dumb, stupid tests either.
369
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:38,354
Emily, I don't know
how to say it backwards, but, uh-
370
00:22:40,279 --> 00:22:42,225
I love you.
371
00:22:42,281 --> 00:22:45,194
“L evol uoy.“
[Chuckles]
372
00:22:50,289 --> 00:22:53,202
[Knocking]
373
00:22:53,258 --> 00:22:55,602
Who's that?
374
00:22:55,661 --> 00:22:58,198
- Who is it?
- It'; me, Howard.
375
00:22:58,263 --> 00:23:03,941
Oh. Well, uh,
I'll get ready for bed.
376
00:23:04,002 --> 00:23:06,209
And I'll- I'll
get rid of Howard.
377
00:23:06,271 --> 00:23:08,217
Yeah.
378
00:23:18,050 --> 00:23:20,724
Uh, Bob, can you help me
change my tire?
379
00:23:22,521 --> 00:23:24,797
Howard, I don't think
I'm exactly dressed for it.
380
00:23:24,857 --> 00:23:27,303
You look fine, Bob.
just straighten your tie a little.
381
00:23:29,128 --> 00:23:32,268
Howard, why don't you leave it in the garage,
and we'll do it in the morning.
382
00:23:32,331 --> 00:23:34,709
Well, it's not exactly
in the garage.
383
00:23:34,766 --> 00:23:37,007
Where is it exactly, Howard?
384
00:23:37,069 --> 00:23:41,449
Exactly?
About eight blocks from here.
385
00:23:41,507 --> 00:23:44,147
Well, we'll do it
in the morning, Howard.
386
00:23:44,209 --> 00:23:46,621
Bob, if I leave my car
in that neighborhood overnight...
387
00:23:46,678 --> 00:23:50,524
I mean, there won't even be an oil stain
to mark where the car was.
388
00:23:51,984 --> 00:23:53,429
Okay.
389
00:23:55,654 --> 00:24:00,296
Emily, go to bed. Don't ask me why,
but I'm gonna help Howard change a tire.
390
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:02,305
Oh, I'll wait up for you, honey.
391
00:24:02,361 --> 00:24:04,307
Good.
392
00:24:06,098 --> 00:24:08,044
I hope you know
where there's an all-night station...
393
00:24:08,100 --> 00:24:10,910
because, well, I don't have
any air in my spare tire.
394
00:24:16,141 --> 00:24:18,519
Emily, I'm gonna be
a little later than I thought.
395
00:24:18,577 --> 00:24:20,989
- /'// wait up.
- Good.
396
00:24:23,215 --> 00:24:25,593
Bob, we'd better get
a wire coat hanger.
397
00:24:25,651 --> 00:24:28,188
I locked the keys in my car.
398
00:24:34,159 --> 00:24:35,900
- Emily?
- Yeah.
399
00:24:35,961 --> 00:24:37,907
Go to sleep.
400
00:25:10,195 --> 00:25:11,868
[ Mews]
33556
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