All language subtitles for The Bob Newhart Show s01e16 - The Crash of Twenty-Nine Years Old

- [ Rings]
- Hello?

Really heavy, Doc.
Really heavy.

I can't ever remember feeling so alive,
so wonderful.

I didn't think it was so hot.

Dr. Hartley, you are terrific.

Well, you did most of it yourself,
Mr. Keeney. You stood up to the group.

Well, I never could have
done it without you.

I mean, all my life, people have been
treating me like a-- a pip-squeak.

Hey, Keeney, the elevator's here.
Get your butt over here.

No! You wait!
I'm not finished here!

Bye-bye, Keeney.

- I'm sorry I did that.
- Why? You just missed an elevator.

There'll be another one
along in a minute.

The main thing is you
stood up to Mr. Gianelli.

But Mr. Gianelli was going
to give me a ride home...

and now he's mad at me
and won't and I'll be late.

Mywifewill kill me. I--

- Wh-Where are you going?
- lfl run down the stairs...

maybe I'll be able to
catch him and apologize.

- Do I have any messages?
- Yeah. Tony the barber called.

He said if you can get down there
right away, he'll give you a haircut.

- Oh, great.
- Oh, but, Bob, there's one more message from me.

I have never been more depressed
in my entire life.

Well, Tony always keeps you waiting.

- Uh, I've got a couple of minutes. Come on in.
- Oh, I thought you'd never ask.

- Have a seat.
- Thank you.

Now, what, uh,
what exactly is bothering you?

Bob, I don't know who I am
or what my life is all about.

You, uh, you better call the barbershop
and tell Tony I won't be able to make it.

Thank you.

- What's wrong with your life?
- Well, my job for one thing.

Wh-What's wrong with your job?

Bob, I have to do a lot of trivial,
petty, unimportant things.

- Like what?
- Hello, Tony?

Dr. Hartley has to cancel
his haircut appointment.

Oh, waitjust a moment. I'll ask him.
How about Thursday at 10:00?

- Perfect.
- Perfect.

Carol, you are--
are very, very important.

Oh, Bob, I know that.

Not everyone can get straight through
to Tony, you know.

He was right in the middle of a dyejob.

You don't realize that compared
to a lot of things I do all day...

that phone call was a biggie.

Oh, Bob.
I am a 29-year-old receptionist.

I'll never be anything
but a receptionist.

I'm not important.
I'm nothing.

Carol, when I was in the air force
during the Korean War...

a lot of us guys on the ground had
the same feeling, like we were unimportant.

And then our C.O. gave us a speech,
and I'll never forget it.

It's not just the pilots
that are important.

It's the, uh, the mechanics
who fix the plane...

and the guys in the hangar
that pull the plane out...

and the-the-the cooks
that prepare the food...

- the, uh, farmer that raises the crops--
- Oh, Bob.

Bob, please stop before you get to
the guy who spreads the fertilizer...

because you're-- you'rejust getting
a little too close to home there.

Bob, even if I was getting more money...

don't you see, I-- I want
a career, not just a job.

I want a career, you know,
where I can fulfill myself...

and make a lot of money.

Carol, I have the answer. I thinkyou should
talk to Emily. Now, she's very sensible.

Ninety-nine times out of a hundred
herjudgment is right on the nose.

Bob, I'm way ahead of you. I had lunch
with Emily today. She told me to quit.

Then there's always that weird, freaky
one time out of a hundred she's entirely wrong.

- Hi, honey. - Hi, clear. Make yourself
a drink. I'll be with you in a minute.

Uh, Emily,I,uh--

- I want to talk to you.
- Go ahead. I can talkwhile I'm grading papers.

- Why? What'; onyourminzv'?
- Did you, uh, talkwith, uh, Carol at lunch today?

- Honey, we had lunch. Of course we talked.
- What'd you talk about?

Oh, work, politics, sex.

You know, women's things.

Did you tell her to quit?

Definitely not. I did not,
in anyway, tell her quit.

All right, let's recreate
lunch from the start.

Okay. Uh, we started
with shrimp cocktails...

- uh, then--
- Uh, can we skip it to where you told her to quit?

Bob, I didn't tell her to quit.

- Well, then what did you tell her?
- Hardly anything.

I mean, she's unhappy with herjob
and she wanted someone talk to...

and mainly I just listened
to her complaints.

But while you were listening,
you kept doing... this, right?

Well, I guess I did. But, Bob,
I did not bring up quitting. Carol did.

And when she brought it up,
you were doing... weren't you?

- L-l guess I did tell Carol to quit, didn't I?
- Thank you.

Now-- Now, Bob.

Bob, she had come to
that conclusion without me.

Women all over the world are questioning
their roles in life, the importance oftheirjobs.

Not all women, Emily.
Some women haven't had lunch with you yet.

- Oh.
- [Knocking]

- Hi, Bob.
- Hi, Howard.

- Hi, Emily.
- Hz; Howard.

- I'd like you to meet Mary Ellen.
- Hello.

Yeah. We're on a turnaround flight to Tokyo...

and we're stopping by at my apartment to,
uh, freshen up, you know what I mean?

[Chuckles]

- Did I get any messages? -just one,
Howard. Your flight to Tokyo is canceled.

Oh, great. I hate those
quick freshening ups.

Oh, me too. Well, it was
nice meeting you both.

Oh, Mary Ellen, um,
could I askyou a question?

Um, are you happy in your job?

_ Uh"
- Emily.

I'm just gathering a little information
for our argument, that's all.

You're having an argument
about ifl'm happy at my job or not?

Uh, well, kind of.

Mary Ellen, how do you
feel about your job?

Oh, uh, it's okay.

Uh, I don't think about it much.

Well, if you thought about it--

- Then I'd hate it.
- [Chuckles]

What's wrong with your job?

Well, you think about it a minute.

I'm nothing more
than a glorified waitress.

Hey, wait a minute.
Think about my job a minute.

I mean, sitting there behind the pilot and
the copilot with no window to look out of.

I mean, bored to death.
I mean,just bored out of my skull.

I mean, sleep half the time,
look at the computer, more sleep.

- Well, at least you make good money.
- Well, why not? I earn it.

[Phone Ringing]

Mary Ellen 1 And you get
a dry-cleaning allowance.

Well, I need it. You ever sleep in your pants?
Ruins your crease.

Hello? Uh,yes, he is.
justa minute.

Howard, it's for you.
It's the airport.

Oh. Thank you, Bob. Hello.

Yes, sir.

Oh, no. Do I have to?

Yes, sir. Rats.

- Come on, Mary Ellen.
- What's up?

That's another thing I hate about my job.
They think they own you.

Just because of that canceled flight to Tokyo,
we gotta fly to Pittsburgh.

Pittsburgh?
Boy, you were right. I hate this job.

Yeah, so do I. Now we don't
have a chance to freshen up.

Em-Emily, I-l don't believe it.

First it's Carol.
Then it's Howard.

Then it's a complete stranger.

You're an epidemic.

- Hi, Elliot.
- Oh, hi, Michelle.

- Gee. I'm glad you came tonight.
- Me too.

[ Bob]
Okay, we, uh, we can begin now.

I hate what you did to me last week.

- Why'd you have to put me down in front
of the group? - That was my hate.

Can we hold the hate
forjust a minute?

You, uh, you all know Carol Kester?

- Hi, Carol.
- Hello, Carol.

I suggested Carol come
and observe one of our meetings.

Uh, uh, Carol, uh--
it might help her a little bit.

Carol has a few,
uh, personal problems.

- Isn't that nice?
- [ Mouths Words]

You know that makes me
feel like crying.

- Why does it make you feel like crying?
- I have no idea.

- What's your problem, Carol?
- Mrs. Bakerman, since this is Carol's first trip, uh...

she might be a little shy
about discussing her problems.

You don't have to stand up and talk.

Um, I'm not happy with my life.

I feel unsatisfied as a person, unfulfilled
in my work and abused as a woman.

I can relate to that feeling.

So can I. I can relate very strongly
to what Carol is going through.

- Michelle, you want to tell her
how-how you handled it? - Well, yeah.

You all know
I had the same problem.

I hated my job,
I felt abused by my boss.

I mean, he had no respect for me.
Treated me like a kid.

Well, of course, we all know it's very difficult
when you-- you work for your father.

Yeah, well, I just want to thank the whole
group for, uh, giving me the strength...

to walk right into his office
and tell him exactly howl felt about him.

- Wh-What happened?
- He fired me.

And-And he also won't let me
watch television for a month.

[Clears Throat] I think we can best
deal with that in private, Michelle.

Boy, I wish I could just walk in there
and tell my boss off and quit.

- Yeah, but you're self-employed, Mr. Carlin.
- I know.

I don't know why everybody
wants to quit theirjobs.

I love my job.

I've been a supermarket checker
for 26 years.

I know exactly what's
going to happen each day.

I get up at the same time.
I catch the same bus.

I wear the same uniform,
have the same check stand.

It makes me very secure.

- Then what are you doin' here?
- I've always been afraid it wouldn't last.

Mrs. Bakerman, if you've worked
somewhere for 26 years...

they must like your work.

Then why won't they give me a box boy?

L-- I think maybe we should
get back to Carol's problem.

Uh, we've all had the same,
uh, ambivalent feelings.

One side of us wants to quit.
The other side, the strong, practical side...

says this is my job,
this is my responsibility.

I want to stay here.
I want to remain on thejob.

My-- My boss is a nice man.

He likes me.
He has needs.

Hold on, Dr. Hartley.

I feel you're trying to sway
the group, to manipulate us.

- Don't push us around!
- [ Gianelli ] That's right.

- [Others Assenting]
- I wasn't trying to sway the group.

I was trying to keep a balance. Carol,
you didn't feel I was trying to sway you, did you?

No. Bob didn't sway me. No. And I'm not
confused about my problem anymore.

- I feel very good about that.
- I quit.

[All Cheering]

And Caroljust said
“I quit“?That's all?

No, then the group applauded
for about four and a half minutes.

Well, at least you can't blame me.
I was at the movies. You want to see my stub?

No. It was all my fault. I should have
grabbed Carol and not let her go.

Well, Bob, you had to let her go.

I know. The group would
have killed me if I hadn't.

I can't do this anymore.
My kneesjust aren't in it.

Bob, don't be depressed
just 'cause Carol quit herjob.

I'm not depressed.
I'm in pain.

I just did 97 knee bends.

- My previous record was 36.
- Oh.

I mean, she doesn't realize
how valuable she is to me...

and-and the other people in the office.

How are you gonna find
somebody that special?

You just don't get them off the street.

Bob, isn't that how you found Carol?

Didn't you put a sign outside
and didn't shejust come in off the street?

Sure, but--

[ Buzzes]

Is, uh, is Mr. Tishman out there yet?

He canceled.

Uh, I know on a new job there's
a lot of things to remember...

but on a last-minute cancellation,
we usually charge them...

unless there's a good reason like,
oh, illness or an emergency...

or a call out of town on business.

Did he say why he canceled?

He just-just didn't feel like coming.

Yeah, you-you could
add that to the list.

Um, would you bring me
a cup of coffee, please?

- There you are, Dr. Hartley.
- You're very fast.

- Well, I already had it made for you.
- 0h, um...

Paul, I've been meaning to tell you,
uh, I thinkyou're doing a great job.

Thank you.
A guy likes to hear that.

Uh, can I askyou something?
You know Dr. Tupperman?

Well, I just delivered the fifth batch
of bottles from his office to the lab.

What's his business?

He's a urologist.

That's what I was afraid of.

[Elevator Bell Dings]

[Phone Ringing]

[Ringing]

- [ Ringing]
- What are you doing? What are you doing here?

- I used to work here.
- Oh, I work here now.

- [Ringing]
- You mean, you're the new girl?

- [ Ringing]
- Could, uh, somebody get that phone?

- H1; Carol, what are you doing here?
- Hi, Bob.

It's the silliest thing. I forgot to give you back
my key to the ladies' room...

and I thought the new receptionist
might need it.

But I can see he won't.

No. Uh, are you in a hurry?
'Cause if you want to come into my office...

- I just had a cancellation.
- lfit's Tuesday, it must be Tishman.

- Yeah, but he had a very good excuse.
- Mm-hmm.

Didn't feel like it again, huh?

Oh. Oh.

Gee, Bob, I know I've-- I've
only been away a short time...

but the office looks so dry.

Bob, you know, I really couldn't help noticing
that the new girl is a man.

Yeah, he's working his way through school.
He's going to be a lawyer.

Oh. Oh, really?
How's he doing?

- Well, I could tell you he's doing a lousyjob.
- Oh.

I could tell you everything went right
in the ground the minute you left.

- Oh.
- But that would be lying.

- Oh.
- So, what's, uh, what's happening with you?

Well, I could tell you that I got
a wonderful job and that I'm very happy.

- But that would be lying.
- No, it's the truth. [Chuckling]

Oh, Bob, I went to an employment agency,
and I got a job right away.

- Where?
- At the employment agency.

You, uh, you get a lot more money?

Well, no, actually,
it doesn't pay very well.

- But the hours are better.
- No, I think they're a little longer. But, Bob--

Bob, I get to meet people
in all walks of unemployment.

And do you know that
the best part of it is...

that I get the first crack
at all the good jobs.

Do you know that if I had experience...

I could have worked this morning
as a crane operator?

Just look at all these brochures.

There's so many things for a woman to do.
I just don't know what to be.

Uh, air traffic control, computers...

IBM, secret service--

- Oh, better take that one back.
- [Knocking]

Oh, j er. Dear] er.

Hi, Carol. How are ya?

Listen, Bob,
about the basketball game tonight--

Why don't we take my car, and after the game,
I drive you right to the train station?

- I drove in today,jerry.
- Oh, well, then, I'll leave my car here...

and we can go in your car,
and you can drive me here after the game.

Oh, no, that's no good.
The building parking lot closes at 10:00.

Listen, I'll tell you what.
You follow me in your car.

Then we'll park your car
near the stadium.

We'll take one car into the parking lot,
save ourselves a dollar and a half.

Then, after the game,
you canjust get in your car and drive me--

You always hated sentimentality,
didn't you,jer?

What's the big deal?
You've only been gone three days.

You've taken longer lunches than that.
[Chuckling]

- I was just kidding, Carol. How are ya?
- I'm wonderfuLjerry, and--

I gotta run.
I got a kid in the chairwith his mouth--

Listen, uh, Carol, you tell Bob what's new,
and then he can tell me at the game tonight.

I'll drop by about 6:00, and we can
talk about the car thing then, huh?

- Fine.
- or, listen...

you could drop by my office
and we could discuss it.

I'll meet you at the elevator.
It's sort ofin the middle.

Sure. But you're really
complicating things.

Door Closes 1

- Excuse me.
- Oh.

Um, Mrs. Bakerman is on line one.

Oh, fine. Uh, Paul, you haven't
been officially introduced.

This is Carol Kester.
This is Paul Sanders.

- Hi, Carol.
- Paul.

- So, you're the old receptionist.
- Well, that depends. How old are you?

- I'm 27.
- Then I guess I am the old receptionist.

Face it, Michelle.
You'rejust afraid of human contact.

-I am not! I am not!
- Oh, you are too.

- [ Gasps ] And stop touching me.
- [Knocking]

- Hi.
- Carol, what-what are you doing here?

Well, I was in the neighborhood.
Could I come in?

Uh, sure.
You all know Carol Kester?

Oh, hello. Listen.
Please, I don't want to disturb you.

Just go right ahead
with whatever you were doing.

I'll just sit right over here out of the way.

Face it, Michelle.
You hate me. Youjust hate me.

- Hate you? I don't hate you. I like you.
- You like me?

Uh, how do you feel
about Michelle now?

I like her.

- Why don't you tell her that?
- Well, she'djust laugh at me.

She-She wouldn't laugh.
Michelle, you wouldn't laugh, would you?

No, no. I promise.
I won't laugh.

- I like you, Michelle.
- [ Laughing]

Well, I didn't promise.

Uh, I'd like to work now.

Uh, I'd like to tell you about this, uh,
this very weird dream I had last night.

I wrote it down
the first thing this morning.

Mr. Gianelli, can we get to that later?
Uh, I have a feeling that Carol is here for a reason.

Oh, no.
No, not really, Bob.

I just had nothing to do,
and I thought I'd drop by and say hi.

Carol, I think it's a deeper reason.
No one stops by herejust to say hi.

No. No. Really,
it's just nothing, Bob.

- Carol.
- Oh, Bob, I'm miserable.

- [ Groans]
- What-- What happened?

I quit my new job.

I hate that. You quit two things.
I can't quit anything.

Thejob at the employment agency?
I thought you liked it.

What's to like?
Lousy pay, long hours and so depressing.

All the people I met were out of work.

But I-- I thought it was just a temporaryjob
until you chose a career.

Yeah, so did I. And then I realized
it could turn into a permanentjob.

I don't understand.

Oh, okay, see I--
I chose a career for myself.

I was gonna be a dental hygienist.

- That's big.
- [ Mouths Words]

Well, you see, Bob, to be a hygienist,
I need two more years of college.

But because I have to work days, I'd have to go
to school nights, and it would take me six years.

Now, Bob, these are
not only my best years, you know...

these are my best nights too.

And now, I don't know. I mean,
I don't even have a career. I don't have a job.

I don't have anything.
I don't even know why I'm here.

I bet I know why she's here.
I think she wants her old job back.

- She-- She didn't say that.
- But that's what she's feeling.

- You don't want her back, do you?
- I didn't say that.

- But that's what you're feeling.
- I think he wants her back.

She, uh, she doesn't want to come back.
She doesn't feel fulfilled.

Yeah, but how do you feel about Carol?

- How-How do I feel?
- Do you miss her?

Of course I miss her.

You can't forget someone that you've worked
with for two and a half years and not miss them.

But, I mean, she quit me.
I-- I didn't quit her.

- And you were hurt, weren't you?
- Yes, I--

- I was hurt.
- Why don't you tell her that?

You, uh,you hurt me, Carol.

Well,you wounded me, Bob.

That day in your office, you acted
as ifl'djust gone out to lunch...

and not right out of your life.

Boy, you were getting along
just fine without me.

Well, how-how-how about you?

You come in here all excited
about your new job...

and you're throwing brochures
all over the office.

- You didn't miss me.
- Oh, not true, not true.

Now, who showed up here
with some feeble excuse...

about bringing back
the key to the ladies' room?

Aw, of course
I missed you,you big lug.

I feel real good about
what we're doing here.

You know what I think, dear?

I thinkyou ought to tell him
that you want your job back.

I do want my job back, Bob.

Now, Bob, tell her that you want her back.

Well,you'll accuse me
of manipulating her again.

Oh, manipulate me, Bob. Please?

Well, I, uh--
[Clears Throat]

L-I want you back and, um...

I like your work,
and I-- I missed you.

Ahh! Oh, Bob!

[All Cheering]

But I-- I just thought of something.

Tomorrow morning,
when that phone rings...

there are gonna be
four hands reaching for it.

Uh! Oh, that's--
Well, what are you gonna do about Paul?

Maybe I could have Emily
take him out to lunch.

[Laughing]

You guys all through now?

Now my dream started--

it started-- I was running in a cave,
and there was water--

You know, I--I really feel good
about having Carol back.

Except-Except for one thing.

What's that?

She doesn't make coffee as well as Paul.

You know, I never would have
believed it about your group, honey...

but those people really help
each other solve their problems.

You know, I'm really proud of them,
especially Mr. Keeney.

You know what he did
after the session tonight?

He screamed at his wife for 15 minutes.

He got all the things out that had been
bothering him for 2O years of marriage.

Wow! How did she react to that?

I don't know. He's gonna try it on her
when he gets home tonight.

[ Mews]