Original subtitles

- [ Rings] - Hello?

I can remember it very clearly.

I was 1 O years old, and on Christmas morning when I came downstairs...

I saw this beautiful, bright red, shiny bicycle.

I knew this Christmas was going to be different from all the rest.

- Oh, that's nice. - But it wasn't.

The bicycle was for my brother.

Well, I'm sure there were presents under the tree for you, Barry.

A corduroy Windbreaker and six pair of jockey shorts.

Well, look at it this way, Barry.

Your parents obviously loved you very much...

because they gave you a present...

- that would make you feel warm. - And secure.

You know, I never thought of it that way before.

Well, see, that's one of the advantages of group therapy.

I mean, by sharing our experiences...

we get insights we wouldn't have gotten by ourselves.

I think we've spent enough time talking about bad Christmas experiences.

Let's spend some time talking about good Christmas experiences.

anybody-

Well, uh, Christmas can be tough.

- But lmean there are good things. - N a m e o n e.

Well, uh, things like, uh...

gifts.

Uh, decorations.

Snow.

And those Santy Clauses ringing their bells on the street corners.

They depress me more than anything.

- Why? - Well, you know where they get them. Skid row.

Poor guys only work one week a year.

Whenever I see one, I feel so sorry for him I give him every penny I have.

That makes me very sad.

I'm feeling a kind of tightness in my stomach right now.

It's like a lump. A big, heavy lump.

Oh, I know that lump.

Well, before we get too far into the lump, uh...

I think now would be a good time to end our meeting for today.

I want you to remember that Christmas can be a very loving time.

And, uh, I'm going to tell you now what my Christmas present is.

There won't be any charge for this session.

- Oh, isn't that nice? - I feel real good.

[Woman] Dr, Hartley, you're a truly beautiful person.

- Hi, honey. - Hold it. Don't move.

What's the matter?

Mistletoe.

- Oh, good. - Yeah.

Hold it.

- There's no mistletoe here. - I know. That was a freebie.

Why are you so late? Where have you been?

I was, uh, out shopping for your present.

Oh, yeah? What'd you buy me?

Nothing.

Yet.

Honey, you wouldn't believe, the stores are so crowded.

I stood in line in one store for 1 O minutesjust to get out.

Oh, honey, well, just sit down and relax.

I'll fix you a drink. it'll get your mind off Christmas gifts.

What do you think I should buyyour Uncle Harry and Aunt May? I

- What did we send them last year? - A basket of fruit.

Well, they should have eaten it by now.

Send them another basket of fruit. Fruit's always nice.

Well, should I send them the three-dollar basket...

the seven-dollar basket or the $20 basket?

- What'd they send us last year? - Nothing.

Well, then why are we sending them anything?

- Bob. - You're right.

You know, I cannot believe how mercenary I sounded.

I mean, the fact that they didn't send anything to us...

- doesn't mean we shouldn't send something to them. - Right.

Send them the, uh, the three-dollar basket.

Okay, I'll put it on the list.

Oh, Bob, what do you think we should get for Howard?

I mean, fruit's no good, 'cause he can get all he wants on the airplane.

Howard can get anything he wants on the airplane.

Well, I don't know. I thought shoes.

- Shoes? - Yeah, you know, like for his feet.

Yeah, I know shoes are for feet, but why for Howard's?

Well, Howard wears his airline shoes with everything.

He even wears them when he plays tennis.

Bob, do you know what shoe size Howard is?

Howard has told me a lot of personal, intimate things about himself...

but I don't recall him ever telling me his shoe size.

- [Knocking] - I'll get it.

- Hi, Emily. Hi, Bob. - Oh, Howard. Mistletoe.

Oh, I'll have to get myself some of that.

L, uh, came over to bring you your Christmas present.

Oh, thank you. I'll put it under the tree.

- Sit down, Howard. - Ah, thank you.

[Clattering]

Oh, boy, that feels good.

[Sighs]

- Nice shoes. - Yeah, these are my airline shoes.

You'd never know it, would you?

What do you take, Howard, a 9, 9 1/2, 10?

Why?

I don't know. A bunch of the guys were sitting over a beer today.

We got to talking about shoe sizes. I was just curious.

I don't know what shoe size I wear. It's been so long since I bought shoes.

Take a look here. See what it says.

- Uh-oh. - What does it say?

“Captain A.j. Winston.“ These are Winston's shoes.

They must have gotten switched during that party in Sweden.

[Emily] Well, uh--

Uh, Howard, what size does Winston wear?

Oh, I don't know. It's all rubbed off.

What size do you wear, Bob?

Uh, 8 1/2

I'll tell you what. Why don't you take off your shoes...

and put on Winston's shoes and we'll see what the difference is.

That way we'll be able to figure out what size I wear.

You like fruit, don't you, Howard?

-I love fruit. - You can put your shoe on, Howard.

[Sighs] Well, I've gotta go anyway.

I'm celebrating Christmas with my son this evening.

- Aren't you four days early? - Yeah, he's going to Duluth...

to be with his grandma for Christmas.

I'm giving him his present tonight.

Emily, uh, you're a clever person.

How do you gift wrap a puppy? You know, something like a little ribbon...

so it looks more like a gift, rather than just a clog.

Oh, I'll see what I can find in the den.

Did you get Emily's gift yet?

No, I haven't found anything yet.

Yeah, well, it'd better be something great, because I saw what she got you.

Oh, you lucky son of a gun.

I was thinking about getting her, you know, a suede coat.

Is that all?

With a suede skirt.

Is that all?

What's she getting me, Howard?

I'm not gonna tell you.

You lucky son of a gun.

[Elevator Bell Dings]

Coming out. Excuse me, please. Pardon me.

Merry Christmas.

It is a madhouse out there.

Did you find something nice for Emily?

- Not yet. - Bob.

I just haven't found the right thing yet.

You better find something you like pretty quick...

oryou'll be gift wrapping an empty box.

[Laughing]

A little Christmas humor.

That, uh, that isn't coffee in there, is it?

Nope, eggnog-

Tupperman filled the watercooler with it.

Bob, I gotta tell you something.

I'm swacked.

No kidding.

Hey, Bob, what are you doing here? I thought you left.

I had to get back for my 3:00 appointment.

Oh, forgot to tell you. Your 3:00 called and canceled.

Carol, are there any other calls you forgot to tell me about?

Uh,just one. Some old man called long-distance.

Wanted to know if you've been a good little boy this year.

[Jerry Laughs]

Bob, why don't you have one? Come on, it'll loosen you up a little.

No, I still have to find a gift for Emily.

Okay. I'll just have yours.

Hey, Bob, you mean you still didn't get a present for Emily? What are you waiting for?

I haven't found the right thing. I want something,you know, personal.

How about a Water Pik?

Jerry, I don't know how to tell you this, but for people who aren't dentists...

there isn't a lot of sentimentality connected with Water Piks.

- Gee, you think my mother won't like hers? - [ Elevator Bell Dings]

Have a nice Christmas.

[jerry] Oh, excuse me. Pardon me. Come on. Doctors coming--

Excuse me. Excuse me. Pardon me. I'm coming through.

Bob? Bob, you in here?

_ Emily? _ Bob?

Honey, where have you been?

Don't ask. The, uh, the important thing is--

Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas, honey. - Hope you like it.

Oh. Oh, Bob!

Oh, I love it.

I wonder what it is.

Honey, where did you hide it?

Oh, I played it smart this year. I let the department store hide it...

and then I picked it up at the last minute.

- Oh, that was smart. - I thought so.

Well, uh, I'll get yours.

Merry Christmas.

AII-- All those gifts are for me?

Wait. I'll get more.

Honey?

Bob, where are you going?

I forgot a newspaper.

I got my checkbook.

Man On TV] This is WKS-TV, Chicago...

wishing you a joyous Christmas Eve.

♪♪ [ TV: Christmas]

What else is on, honey?

I don't know.

- [Clicks Button] - [Channel Changes]

[ Man] lam the Ghost of Christmas Past.

- Dickens's Christmas Carol - What do you want with me?

- We saw it. - [Channel Changes]

♪♪ [ Nutcracker Suite ]

- [Channel Changes] - Saw it.

[Man ] And she hits her again. Tuffy Lamont is off the track.

She's over the rail. And Betty Colavito is kicking her with her skates.

Whoa, Nellie!

Boy, they don't stop for anything, do they?

-;;[Christmas] - Oh.

You know, Perry Como looks younger today than he did 1 O years ago.

- Yea h. - [ Doorbell Buzzes ]

Are you expecting anybody on Christmas Eve?

Only from the chimney.

- Hi, Bob. Aha! - Hi, Howard.

L, uh, I just wanted to come over and say good-bye...

- and wish you both a merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas, Howard.

- Where're you off to, Howard? - France.

You're working on Christmas Eve?

Yeah, ever since I've been divorced, I always work Christmas Eve.

It gives the married guys a chance to be with their families.

- Oh, that's very sweet, Howard. - Yeah, besides, the pay's time and a half for holidays.

Well, I guess I'll go over andjust hang around the airport until my flight leaves.

How long doyou have to hang around?

Oh, uh, seven or eight hours.

Well, merry Christmas.

Don't be silly, Howard. You'll spend Christmas Eve with us.

- Yeah, come on. - I couldn't do that. You're celebrating Christmas.

- Oh, don't be silly. - No, no, we'rejust--

- we're sitting watching Perry Como. - Is that Perry Como?

His hair looks darker than last year.

Oh, isn't that funny? We werejust saying that.

You want a hot toddy?

No, I'm flying. Do you have any soup?

I'll look.

I wanna thank you both for that basket of fruit. It was really huge.

You know there was a watermelon on the bottom?

We're really glad you liked it, Howard.

We didn't have any soup, Howard, so here's some warm cream soda.

Oh.

Well, uh, merry Christmas.

Oh, happy New Year.

And no air pockets on the way to France.

You know, it's a funny thing about Christmas.

I mean, we have so much. You know, we have each other.

A good friend.

A warm home.

Perry Como. We-- We got everything.

- Still, there's something missing. - I know.

It just seems like Christmas should have kids running around...

and grandmas and lots of people.

You think it's bad here? You should be at my place.

You know, I refuse to let Christmas get me down.

- Honey, do you wanna go to a party? - Well, sure. Where?

Right here.

Bob, where are you gonna find a bunch of people with nothing to do on Christmas Eve?

Honey, in my business, that shouldn't be any problem.

Bob, don't you think that's enough people?

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Honey, you know these people better than I do.

Are they having a good time?

For them? Yes.

Excuse me, Dr. Hartley.

Uh, do you have a restroom?

As a matter of fact, we have two of them.

Oh, good. Where's the men's?

No, you don't understand, Barry. This is my home, not my office.

I was making a joke.

Oh, oh. [Laughs]

That-- That was very funny.

You didn't think it was funny at all.

Yes,yes, I did. I thought it was very funny.

- Didn't I think it was funny, Emily? - Oh, yes, he did.

So did I. I laughed.

Your wife didn't think it was funny either. I'm sorry.

Oh, did I say something wrong?

Honey, you did fine. just fine.

- But I think we'd better mingle and brighten things up. - Okay. See you.

I mean, it's ridiculous for anybody to be afraid of flying these days.

Dr. Hartley's been telling me the same thing, but I'm still afraid.

Do you realize that flying is safer than driving?

I know. I'm afraid to drive too.

- How do you get where you're going? - I walk.

Oh, well, more people are hurt walking than flying.

Maybe I shouldn't walk so much.

Uh, excuse me, Howard. Mrs. Bakerman...

what Howard's trying to explain is that accidents happen anywhere.

I mean, like right now, somewhere in the United States...

someone could be falling offa couch and hurting themselves.

Really?

Mrs. Bakerman, everyone's a little on edge tonight. Do you wanna sit down?

Uh, everyone? Um, it is Christmas Eve...

so I think we should have some fun.

[All Agreeing]

Mrs. Bakerman, you wanna sit down?

Yes, of course.

All right, everybody wanna-- wanna form sort of a little circle.

Now this may sound corny, but, well, I feel like singing Christmas carols.

[All Agreeing]

It's safe to sit down, Mrs. Bakerman.

Which one should we sing first?

Uh, how about “O Come All Ye Faithful“?

Very nice. I like that.

Would anybody mind if we didn't sing “O Come All Ye Faithful“?

- Ken, why? - Well, when I was a kid, I went to military school.

And during Christmas, when everybody went home, I stayed.

Thejanitor and I used to sing “O Come All Ye Faithful“ to cheer ourselves up.

And I'd much rather have been with my mom and dad...

but they were divorced, and neither of them really wanted me.

[All] Oh.

I'm getting a very sad feeling in my stomach right now.

I know what you mean. I'm-- I'm divorced...

and I'd like to be with my son right now too.

- He's in Duluth,you know. - That's a shame.

I could be with my son right now...

if there was just a train that went to Hawaii.

All right, maybe we picked the wrong carol.

Uh, how about “O Little Town of Bethlehem“? Now that's a fun carol.

That is. That's a fun carol.

- Do you like that carol, Ken? - Yeah, I like that carol.

Oh, good. Honey, why don't you start?

- Could I talk to you for a minute, Dr. Hartley? - Yes, Barry, what is it?

Well, the water pressure in your bathroom sink was kind of low...

sol thought I'd turn it up.

Well, you know the thing under the sink that you turn?

Well, anyway, I turned it, and then the water pressure got real strong.

- Well, that's good. - And then the faucet popped off.

Oh, no, is there water spilling out all over there?

Not anymore. I jammed a robe in the pipe.

I'm sorry. I'll pay for a plumber if you can find one on Christmas Eve.

No, no, it happens all the time.

Barry, you wanna-- you wanna grab a seat?

We're gonna sing-- We're gonna sing some Christmas carols.

Uh, okay, everybody know “O Little Town of Bethlehem“?

Oh, gee, I don't think I oughta sing that song.

Why not?

I'm halfjewish.

Then why don't you just hum?

Maybe I'd better leave. I'm spoiling this party for everybody.

I feel very unhappy that Barry isn't having a good time here.

Me too. I'm beginning to feel real bad.

- I wonder what my son is doing now. - Yeah, me too.

I wanna cry.

- Honey, we'll get a plumber. - No, not about that.

I just feel sad and I don't know why.

Well, I know why. I invited everyone over here to have a good time...

and everyone's getting depressed because this is probably...

the worst party I've ever been to in my life.

And it's all my fault, and I feel very bad about it.

- [All Disagreeing] - Hey, you know?

I really like you saying this is a bad party...

because if you hadn't said it, I'd have thought this was a good party...

and I was the only one having a bad time.

Well, now I know the reason I'm having a bad time is 'cause this is a bad party.

- [All Agreeing] - It makes me feel pretty good.

You know, I'm glad you said that too...

because I thought this bad party was my fault.

But now that I know that it's not, I'm happy.

And I thought that I was having a bad time because I wasn't dressed right.

Oh, well, I don't know quite how to say this, 'cause I'm kind of new at it--

Well, honey, you just say whatever you feel.

Oh, well, I just feel great 'cause we're all having such a rotten time together.

[All Laughing]

- And I feel like singing “O Little Town of Bethlehem.“ - [Ail Agreeing]

- [Howard] Who's gonna start? - U h, Barry?

Why not? What could happen?

- Oh, Barry! - ♪ O little town of Bethlehem ♪

- ♪ How still we see thee lie ♪ - [ Doorbell Buzzes ]

♪ Above thy deep and dreamless sleep ♪

- Merry Christmas, Bob. - Merry ChristmasJerry.

- Grab a seat and start singing. - Listen, I have to interrupt for a second.

It's very important.

-;; [ Continues] - Uh, excuse mejust a minute.

- This isjerry Robinsonjerry, this is our group. - Oh, hi.

-[All] HLJerry. - I'm sorry to interrupt...

but does anyone have a '61 blue Ford parked out in front?

- I do. - They're towing it away.

I knewl shouldn't have sung that song.

[Carol ] I'm sorry you have to leave.

You know something? I'm not leaving.

I'm not going to spend Christmas Eve in the police garage.

I just spent Thanksgiving there.

Anyway, I'm having too good of a time here.

[All Cheering]

Let 'em take the car. I don't care.

Well, everybody, shall we start? I have a new one. Ready?

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly;

;Fa la la la la, la la la la;

♪ 'Tis the season to bejolly;

-;Fa la la la la, la la la la; - What's the mattenjerry?

- ♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪ - I don't know.

Maybe it's because I came late. Everybody's having such a good time and all.

I just feel kind of left out. It makes me feel kind ofsad.

- What, sad? Did he say sad? - Sad? Who? What?

- Somebody said sad? - No, no.

No, he said glad. He said he feels glad.

- [All ] Oh. - Trust me,jerry,just start singing.

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly;

;Fa la la la la, la la la la;

♪ 'Tis the season to bejolly;

;Fa la la la la, la la la la;

Well, Bob Hartley, you made a lot of people very happy tonight.

Are you happy?

Mm am.

- Merry Christmas, sweetheart. - Merry Christmas.

Oh.

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly;

;Fa la la la la, la la la la;

♪ 'Tis the season to bejolly;

;Fa la la la la, la la la la;

♪ DOT"! we HOW OLJI' gay apparel ♪

♪ Fa la la, la la la, la la la ♪

♪ Troll the ancient Yuletide carol ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪♪

[ Mews]