Original subtitles

Hey, good game out there.

You got that scrappy game, I dig it.

Thanks.

So, you wanna run it back with us?

You gonna give me a shot to, you know,

redeem myself a little bit?

I mean, if you really wanna embarrass yourself.

Oh, okay. She's a little cocky.

I like that, I like that.

Yo, do you hear that?

What?

That kid keeps crying.

I'll be right back.

Hi, did you just wake up?

Hey, Larry, I just need you to play it cool, okay?

Okay.

Okay, come on, let's go. Come on, let's go.

Come here.

All right.

- This kid? - Yeah. So, what are you,

like, his nanny, or...

Oh, I'm, uh... his mom.

Oh.

Mommy.

All right.

- He's a cute kid. - Oh...

See you out there, scrappy. Run it back!

Okay.

I'm Bridgette.

Maybe we can go for a drink later.

Okay, cool.

- You wanna go on the slide? - Yeah.

Me too.

Here you go. Hey, you.

- Hey, you. - Hey, you.

Hey, you.

You did this to me.

You did this to me.

Daddy, I'm ready for my pajamas.

Oh, squeaky... [IMITATES

Hey.

- That's the sun. - The sun.

And the sun is hot...

- Right? - Yeah.

Okay. Let's do your prayers, okay?

Prayer time. Ready?

Are you listening? Are you listening to me?

Listen to me.

What are you doing?

Uh, knock it off.

Come on, there's no praying in this house.

- We'll visit your mom in hell. - Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha.

- Mommy. - Shh, it's okay, I'm here.

♪ Baby Larry boy ♪

♪ Larry boy ♪

At least we did something right.

- Where you going? - I gotta go.

You don't wanna watch something?

I would, but I can't.

- Not tonight, maybe tomorrow. - All right.

Go have fun fucking whoever you're fucking.

- Have fun fucking yourself. - Thank you...

- The best part of my day. - You should get out more.

I'm telling you, I'll babysit for you.

- Okay, okay. - All right?

- I love you. - Love you.

I fell madly in love with you today, scrappy.

I knew it.

- So did all these other dudes. - That's so cool.

Yes.

Why do you look like that?

Are you sure I'm... in?

Yes. You couldn't be more in.

I hear Sally sold her house down on 8th street.

Yeah, just cash.

She didn't even wanna sell the place.

Uh, what could she do?

You know, they are edging us out there.

It's not what it used to be, I'll tell you that.

- Yeah. - Hey, Wally.

- Bridge... - Hi.

- Oh... - Just say the word.

You're such a tease, Wally.

- Thank you. - You look tired.

- What? - You look tired.

I am tired.

All right, go to Tutu.

- Come here, baby. - Ugh.

- Gesundheit. - Oh.

Thank you. All right, I gotta go to work.

Yeah, why don't you come in for a little bit of grilled cheese?

I can't, I'm gonna be late.

- Oh really? - Yeah.

It's not like Ally's going anywhere.

I mean, she is the saddest woman I have ever met.

- Mm-hm. - I was thinking we could

take Larry, we go down to Joseph's,

we get him a cookie, you know?

Because I think he really needs to feel loved.

He does feel loved.

I know. I'm just saying, with Rafi, the relapse, and all.

Mom, he's been sober for over a year, okay?

I mean, he does bedtime every night.

Oh, really?

Well, he shows up for, what, a whole ten minutes?

It's not nothing to brag about.

Oh, jeez, look at this. Yuptown USA.

- Hi! - Hi. Come on, Bridgette.

Get inside before they come over here.

Let's get in the house. Come on.

- I gotta go. - Come on, Bridgette.

- You got donuts? - I got donuts.

I got dunkies. Come on.

- Okay, fine. - You know, I got this

new vacuum that's like a robot thing.

I saw it on TV.

It's kinda shitty, but I like it.

It's like magical science.

It, like, follows the dirt around, Bridge,

and then it, I don't know, it just sucks it right up.

I don't know how they do it. It was on sale, like, on the TV.

- That's really cool, Mom. - Thanks.

Um, I have this audition tomorrow...

- Oh, yeah? - I found off Craigslist.

- Mm. - Can you watch Larry at 9:00?

No, 'cause I have to take Joe to the doctor.

We got any more Tostitos?

No, honey, Bridgette ate them all yesterday.

I didn't eat 'em all.

It was just the dust left.

That's the best part.

- He likes the dust. - I'm sorry. Thank you.

Hey, honey, you want me to do lines with you?

No, no, it's okay. It's just a PSA.

No? Are you done with this?

- Finished? - Yeah.

- I'll take it. - Okay, see you later.

All right. Mm-hmm.

I'll meet you at Joseph's then, for sure.

Okay, give me a kiss. Give me a kiss.

Oh, that's a good boy.

Aww.

What are you, uh, opening an Italian restaurant?

Yeah, I might. It's a brand new housemaker.

Are you judging me for that, though?

Curious. Was that... was that a little dig there?

- No. - 'Cause it's a lot of money,

- but it's my money, right? - Yeah, it's your money.

Yeah, you shouldn't be talking to me about money...

- Okay. - Right?

Can you not act crazier than Larry please?

Don't you fucking call me crazy.

Mm.

Have fun with your grandson, okay?

Bye, Joe.

Tell you, the mouth on that kid. You all right, sweetheart?

- Mm-hmm, yeah, I'm okay. - I'll get you some chips.

Larry, come with Tutu. We're doing coupons.

Pray for your baby. Pray for your baby...

- Here comes the swab. - Okay.

All right.

There we go. All done.

Um, where would you say mine falls exactly?

- Like, on the spectrum. - Completely normal.

Um, but I just mean in terms of circumference?

With, uh, general aesthetics,

- uh, just like how... - No...

Vaginas are elastic.

Um, imagine my mouth is a vagina.

- Mm-hmm. - Uh, if I were to

stretch my mouth, like, a million times,

- like, to my ears... - Mm-hm.

... it would always go back to normal.

Yeah, but Larry had a really big head.

Does sex not feel good anymore? Is that what it is?

I haven't had sex since before he was born.

Listen, take my advice. Go out there, have fun.

- Go have sex. - With who?

Just find somebody. Have a great time.

Make sure it's protected.

It's so hard for me to do that.

Okay, I can't have this conversation with you.

- Just have protected sex. - Okay, thank you.

Mm-hmm.

And make sure you do your kegels.

What?

What?

Why would you tell me to do my kegels?

Because you should.

Wait, what did you see up there?

No, seriously, what did you see up there?

Excuse me.

"Houses of Parliament," Monet...

... 1899...

... oil on canvas.

"Houses of Parliament," Monet,

1899, oil on canvas.

Chloe, you're so smart.

Well, I saw it on our trip to London last year.

That's cool.

- Was it fun? - Well, yeah, it was London.

I... I've never been to London.

All right, what's this?

L'Origine du Monde...

... Courbet, oil on canvas...

... 1905.

- Oh, shit. - Girls, I made tea.

Come do your homework in here.

Can we just stay here and keep going, please?

- You coming? I have... - You should go talk to her.

... Chamomile, rooibos, and...

- I'll take rooibos. - ... you got it.

Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry I didn't say hi sooner.

I got stuck on a call with my mom's oncologist,

who just talk, talk, talk, talk, talks.

You know, I think he's just one of those people who wants a friend.

What are you guys up to? How's it going?

She has an AP test tomorrow, art history.

Oh, my gosh, is that what you're studying in school?

This is why Rivers is addicted to porn.

Look at that vagina, though.

It's, like, strangely small.

Like, is that how they used to be in the olden days?

That's what mine used to look like.

- Before Casey was born. - Really?

Yeah, and then it... boom.

I mean, by the time baby Scott came along,

it was so blown out,

I sneezed, and he just fell right out of me, right out.

Did you notice it getting progressively bigger,

Casey, Chloe, and Rivers and then Scott?

- Okay, just freeze, freeze... - Pretty much.

- It was just so stretched... - ... freeze, Mom...

It just... there was no progress. There was no place to go.

Is having a big vagina something I have to worry about?

- Mm-hmm. - No. No, no.

You do not have to worry about this.

This is not for you to worry about.

Hey, um, Bridge, do you know Nelson Rose Taylor?

- What? - How did you get my phone?

Uh, it was charging on the nightstand,

so I just unplugged it and took it.

I said no phones for the whole week...

- Okay, look... - ... because of the porn.

... Hard Nipples Nelson, college sportscaster.

This is your baby daddy, right?

No, he dates, like, hundreds of girls.

- I'm sure it's not serious. - He's fucking lucky.

Rivers, get upstairs.

- Hard Nipples Nelson? - Oh, she's very pretty.

Very pretty.

What the fuck?

Well, you know, do you want to take an extra?

You take an extra.

Tutu!

Ah, shit, I'm in trouble.

- Hey. - Hey, look!

It's Joe's nephew!

Ah, forget it. I gotta go.

I can see him from there.

He has his tablet.

What are you watching?

You're gonna... hey, hey.

You're gonna get cavities. Hey. Okay, fine.

Where the eff is your dad?

Out of towels. Okay, okay.

Ready, one, two, three. All right.

Almost done. We gotta text Daddy.

Okay, where is he?

You need... wanna go to bed? I know.

Here.

One fell off and hit her head.

No more monkeys jumping on the bed.

Oh. Larry, ouch.

♪ Larry... ♪

♪ Best friends ♪

♪ Best friends ♪

♪ Best friends ♪

♪ Forever ♪

- You okay, baby? - Hey, he's asleep.

Don't wake him.

Bridge...

... you cannot text me, "Larry 911"

if it's not Larry 911, okay?

I thought he fell out the window,

and I was gonna yell at you,

because I told you to fix the window.

Okay, I am sorry.

You haven't missed bedtime in a while,

and I thought you died.

I'm gonna miss bedtime sometimes, okay?

Well, now that you're here, do you wanna just,

I don't know, watch a movie or something?

- I stole my neighbor's Wi-Fi. - I would, but...

... I really thought this was an emergency,

and... I got somebody in the car.

Oh, nipple girl?

It's okay, I already know.

I... I was gonna tell you. You know I was gonna tell you.

- It's just... - I know. It's fine.

I get it.

- Really? - Yeah, just...

Really, Bridge? You mean that?

You can't leave her in the car like a dog.

Come on, I wanna meet her.

No, no, no, no, that would be weird.

No, it's weirder to leave her in the car.

- Hey. - Hi.

Hi, I'm Bridgette.

- Hello, I'm Nelson. - Wow, it's...

- So nice to finally meet you. - Yeah.

Hey, baby.

- Hey. - Hey, babe.

Is everything okay?

Um, oh, yeah, he... he's fine.

Yeah, everything's good.

Larry just had a fever, but it broke, so...

- ... he's sleeping now. - That's good.

Yeah. It's so nice to meet you.

It's so good to meet you too.

You look so different than in your photos.

It's like...

... like a gritty quality. I like it.

Oh.

Well, thank you.

I... I try.

Um, were you really named after Nelson Mandela?

Yeah. Yeah, I was.

Actually, it's a really great, you know, daily reminder

to sort of give back and stay humble,

and, you know, he was a great man, so...

Is the Rose after Rosa Parks?

- Oh... - Oh...

I can't believe Rafi's kept me from you.

Are you kidding? He's such a pussy.

- He is, isn't he? - He is, yeah.

Since when have I been a pussy?

- Just a lit... just a little. - When?

- I like it. - It's your best quality.

- You like it? - Daddy?

- Are you there? - Larry, Hi.

Hi, you remember me? Oh, you little sicky bear.

- You feeling any better? - Hi, baby.

Hi. Oh, yeah, go to Mama.

You met Larry?

Yeah. Oh, he's just the sweetest.

Really, I mean, you're doing a really,

really great job with him.

It's really impressive, and, um,

it must be really hard to share him.

Oh, no, it's not.

Wanna say goodnight to Dada?

Goodnight, Larry.

- Goodnight, baby. - Aww, you're mad at him?

Mm.

Okay, um, goodnight. It was so nice to meet you.

We're still cool, right?

Oh, yeah. Wicked cool.

Mommy...

Mm.

Hey, excuse me, can I get a peanut butter brownie

and then an Oreo brownie and a black and white cookie?

- How much? - $1.25.

And... here we go.

And I'm gonna leave you a little tip, okay?

Thank you.

... I wanna give you a little more.

Bridgette?

Bridge.

- Je... Jesse? - What are you doing here?

It's, um... you know what, it's...

Larry's birthday tomorrow,

and so I just went to get him some goodies.

Oh, my God, you had a kid, and you named him Larry Bird.

Why? You think I should change it?

Oh, I...

You're a mother.

You are somebody's mom. That is just nuts.

Sometimes, I have to look at myself on Facebook

just to like... you know...

$27.25.

Um, here you go.

- It's so nice to see you. - You too.

- Yes. - Um...

You look great. You look, uh...

... homeless great.

I'm sorry, it was declined.

- What? - Declined, your card, it...

I brought the wrong card.

I'm so... this is cra... I've... this is the wrong card.

Um, you know what, will you just bag all my stuff?

Here, keep my jacket as collateral.

- No, I got it. Hey, here. - No, no, no.

- No, no, what are you doing? - Take that right there.

Bridge, come on, take this right here.

Take this, please. Happy birthday, Larry Bird, okay?

You want this cookie?

Yeah, I do want that cookie. Thank you.

You're welcome. Um...

- Here you go. - That was good.

- Thank you so much. - It's my pleasure.

- It's really nice to see you. - Nice to see you.

- Oh, okay. - Okay.

- Bye, Bridge. - Bye!

- Text me sometime! - Okay!

Okay, you're okay.

Mm-mm.

Okay.

Just kidding. I'm sorry.

That's too much.

You stay asleep.

Just give me one hour.

Come in.

- Hello. - Hi.

Uh, get naked. No, get... get naked.

- Oh... yeah. Um... - Okay.

All right.

It's good to see you. This place is, um...

- It's cozy. - Your dick is cozy.

Yeah Hey, remember your mom?

How is she doing? She was always so mean to me, remember?

Oh, yeah.

She's mean to everyone.

I can't believe, uh, you actually came.

Oh, um...

Well, uh, you invited me, but I can go.

- No, come on. - Okay, yeah.

Are you gonna rape me

in this here field here, master?

Oh. I... I'm sorry, Bridge.

I'm not really into the... the role playing stuff,

with, uh... that one, in particular.

Not if I'm playing the master... master... probably...

Okay, let's just do this. Come on...

- Okay, okay. Yeah. - Okay?

We've always had such great sexual chemistry.

Yeah. Where are you going?

I think you know where I'm going.

- I'll be right back. - Okay.

Oh. I see that you're still, uh...

- ... all-natural. - Oui, oui.

- Now where are you going? - I'm going over here.

Oh...

- Oh, man. - Eesh, I don't know

if you wanna be up there, eeh-kay? Um...

You know what? Really good right here.

Hang on, just right between the...

Hey, so, I'm totally willing to have sex with you.

Uh, I just need to know if my vagina's the same.

- The same? - Mm-hmm.

The same as what?

Okay, I need to know if my pussy's been blown out.

So we need to focus. I'm gonna lay down.

You're gonna put your dick in me,

and you're gonna let me know.

- Okay? - Yes, ma'am.

- Okay. - Okay.

Okay. Let's just not even kiss.

- Let's just... put it in. - Okay.

Okay. Cool, cool, cool, cool.

Oh, my God, a foot! Jesus Christ, a foot!

Oh, it's just...

What... what is that? What's g... what is that?

You just met my son.

He's been in the bed the whole time?

- I tried to hide him. - Oh, my God.

No, no, no, uh... we can't...

I'm sorry.

Bridge, are you okay?

What do you mean, am I okay?

Um, you're living in a small room

with a two-year-old.

I just got a little weirded out seeing...

... your son on the bed while I was naked.

I...

When I saw you, I thought

maybe there was something, uh, going on.

And... and there's clearly not, and then that...

and that's okay.

I'm sorry it's like this.

This... maybe we should probably

just do this another time when he's not around.

Okay.

He's always around.

Yeah.

Um, I should go.

It was nice to see you.

You too.

Um... just...

... for the record,

you feel great.

Uh, down there.

Thanks.

You waking me up?

Are you waking me up?

Should I get up?

- You wanna do jumps? - Yeah.

Okay. Jump.

- Jump! - Jump.

Jump, jump, jump, jump.

Oh!

Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle!

Do you want a breakfast?

Yes.

You wanna hold the bowl?

Hot?

Is it hot?

I am sorry.

- I'm sorry. - Okay. I'm sorry.

- No, I'm sorry. - I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for doing stupid things.

Fire truck.

Bridgette Bird.

Oh, Law and Order. Guest star.

- Very legit. - Um, yeah.

I, uh, lived in New York for a minute.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

That's my plan after I graduate.

You know, can't really have a film career here in Boston.

Just gotta shoot these shitty PSAs.

- You know. - Yeah.

Hi, I'll be reading with you.

Just look into the lens.

- Please slate your name. - Okay, hi.

I am Bridgette Bird. SAG-AFTRA, no agent.

Can you try it with a Southern accent?

Okay.

"American soldiers risk their lives

to protect ours,

but they come home and fight a whole... "

Actually, can you just give me one second? Uh...

- Okay. - "American soldiers risk

their lives to protect ours,

but then they come home and fight

a whole new war.

20 percent of soldiers who fought

in Iraq and Afghanistan

are suffering today from PTSD."

I, uh...

Try to push it away.

If I... just don't think about it...

Maybe it won't hurt as much.

But, uh...

And then, the nightmares...

Uh, and the images, uh...

I just...

... I don't know how to live in this world anymore.

- How was that? - That was amazing.

Ooh.

Oh, hi, it's okay. Fake tears.

Sorry, usually he stays in his seat.

Well, um, thank you so much

- for having me. - Yeah.

I really appreciate it.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Um...

Oh, you... I can do it again.

No, no, I don't... I don't want you...

- He'll stay there. - No, uh, no.

No, that was perfect. Um...

... I mean, yeah.

Yeah, let's cast you.

- Really? What? - Really, really.

Really, I want to cast you. The job is yours.

- Wow. - Yeah, how did you do that?

Have you been to war?

No.

No, I haven't been to war.

I was sexually abused by my dad, though.

Oh...

Which also causes PTSD.

So I guess I kind of have been to war.

My sister was raped in college.

- Really messed her up. - Right.

See? There you go.

Oh, my God, I'm so excited.