Original subtitles

Welcome to the Work Bench!

Hello. Welcome to the Work Bench.

Your aura is so strong today,

just really beautiful.

Good for you!

- What is that? - The new greeter.

Welcome to the Work Bench. You look like you need help.

No, we work here.

That is so great.

I'm Mary Pat. I just started today.

Group hug.

No.

She's like that gum that bursts that stuff in your mouth.

- Flavor? - Yeah, exactly. I hate that gum.

- Any word from Tony? - No, I can't get ahold of him.

Are you sure he'll be able to translate the incantation?

Tony's been a demon since the original fall. If anyone can, it's him.

Yeah, he can. I mean, he has to.

My apron's in the stockroom. I'll be right back.

It's so sad...

taken so young, so full of life.

Who, the monkey?

They called him Jimbo...

Jimbo the dancing monkey.

Anytime I felt a bit blue I'd come and watch Jimbo dance...

dance that monkey dance.

He was even taught to pick pockets...

so multitalented.

I'm sorry.

So, a new soul?

Hmm? Oh.

- Sam. - Yeah?

I need my Jimbo fix.

I want you to dance like a monkey.

No.

Yes, I want you to put on this fez

and dance like Jimbo.

No, you're out of your skull. I'm not doing the monkey dance for you.

Perhaps you don't understand the exact nature of our relationship.

I own you. When I ask you to do something,

you just do it... that simple.

- I hate you. - I know.

Dance, monkey, dance.

Oh, come on, put your heart and soul into it, man.

Dance like your life depends upon it. It does!

Monkey dance!

He's doing the monkey dance!

Welcome to the Work Bench. Have a fantastic day.

It's been a horrible day.

First he sticks me with the sucky soul assignment,

and then he makes me dance like a monkey.

I'm afraid I gotta side with the Devil on that one, Sammy.

Sounds like a pretty special monkey.

- Thanks for understanding. - You got it.

The soul's Roger Lund.

Says here he's a drug dealer.

Whoa, he must be pretty badass to need this.

Yeah, speaking of badass,

you're about to witness the maiden voyage

of the Color-Blendo 3000 paint mixer.

Did you read the instructions?

All I need is an on switch, Sammy.

Instructions...

That was awesome.

Mary Pat, are you all right?

Oh, of course, silly.

My fairies put this lucky penny on the floor.

- They saved me. - Your what?

My fairies. They protect me from harm.

Oh, welcome to the Work Bench. Have a splendid day.

Let's do it.

Unit 5... this is the place.

This soul was a drug dealer? Obviously not a very good one.

- I expected it to be, you know... - Swankier?

- Yeah, more swank. - Whoa, where did you get those?

Bench, gardening section.

Reasonably priced.

- Hey. - Hey.

Are you hunting buffalo or something?

We're here to send you back to hell.

Oh, no, man.

That is tragic.

Wait, just let me get my tickle on first.

His tickle... you know, his mellow,

shake hands with Zeus, ride on the wavy train,

- storm the gates of Mordor. - He wants to get high.

- Thank you. - Just say no.

Oh, man, don't be like that.

You know what a complete downer hell is?

I gotta be wrecked to face that again.

Please?

All right, fine. Just hurry up.

If you want to get high yet keep your body clean,

licking a toad is really the best way.

Unless you get a poisoned one.

Ugh!

No no, thank you.

Sam, Sam, Sam!

Get him, Benji. Come here.

Sammy.

Sock, get the vessel.

I got it.

Ha!

That thing was like a rope, like a fire hose, you know?

Do you have any idea what you can do with a licker like that...

beyond the obvious, I mean?

No no, we're not bringing those home with us.

I don't want the death of innocent toads

on my conscience. Do you?

Fine fine. Bring 'em, bring 'em.

Great. You can get the other tanks.

A great time to make an executive decision, Sam.

King Charlie, meet the Prince.

Now you can kiss the Prince all day,

but he will always stay small, green and ugly.

Right?

Coming.

Okay, come on, Prince.

- Hi, Grandma. - �Hola, Benjam�n!

Come in. Sit down.

Grandma, how are you? Are you okay?

How's your heart? You look good.

I look like garbage.

My health is ailing, mi hijo.

I fear I'm not long for this world.

Don't say that, Grandma.

But until that time comes

I want to tie up loose ends

and to apologize

for the way I treated your girlfriend.

I'm inviting you to dinner at my house...

- both you and Nina. - Really?

I don't want to leave this world with regrets.

Okay, yeah. We'll come to dinner.

What is this, a zoo?

Hey, any luck finding out what the symbols mean?

Not even close.

I guess these symbols really are older than language.

Cool.

You guys into magik with a "K" too?

My fairies got me believing in all things supernatural.

- Your fairies? - Well, they save me from everything,

always looking out for me.

Just wish they'd save me from myself... a filthy habit.

Have super fun with your book on the occult.

She's sweet

in a crazy Chuck-E-Cheese- animatronic-creature kind of way.

Is she smoking up by the propane tanks?

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Mary Pat, are you okay?

- Am I all right? - Yeah.

I'm...

incredible.

I was surrounded by the heavenly warmth of 100 fairies.

Message received.

That's my last cigarette ever.

Okay, we need to get you looked at. Come on.

The blast went around her?

Maybe she really was protected by a fairy.

Now, Sam, a fairy?

Steve?

Do I look like a fairy to you? Oh, don't answer that.

Come here.

I just keep telling myself, "You gotta start at the bottom, Steve.

Even though you were among the Holiest of Host,

even though guardian-angel duty is super entry-level

and completely beneath me, rise above.

Dignity, class, beauty... that is my mantra.

Great. Listen, Steve...

So these days I just spend my time

protecting a fairy-loving whacko from killing herself...

just a stepping stone,

just a weird, crazy,

accident-prone stepping stone with no fashion sense.

Hey, Steve, do you have any idea where Tony is?

Yes, I do. He is at a spa in Tahoe with little Stevie.

It is this wonderful place we used to go to. And you know what it is?

They both need a little bit of pampering these days.

Damn it. I need him to translate something.

You know what?

Maybe you could do it.

Where did you get this?

We copied it from a scroll my dad found in hell.

Nina says it's an old demon language.

- Yeah. - Can you read it?

Oh, well, I mean,

Tony was really more the reader in the relationship,

but I think I can translate.

That's great. What does it say?

Okay, well, I believe this is an incantation

summoning the Devil into a contest.

Yes, yeah, that's exactly what it is.

Okay, how do I do it?

Okay, well, you have to say these words exactly,

and then he'll appear. And then he is compelled

to compete in a contest that you choose.

If you give me a day, I can write down a phonetic pronunciation for you.

Thank you. You are amazing.

You have no idea what this means to me.

What contest should I do?

That depends on you, Sam. It's whatever you're good at.

Right right, what I'm good at.

Yeah.

Sam?

Sam, come on, Sam.

Everybody's good at something.

You are in shape. Sports?

No, I'm terrible.

- Okay, math? - Even worse.

Moving on to the arts.

Pictionary.

Never played it. Sounds too much like "dictionary."

Music.

Yes.

That's it. That is it.

You're a genius.

What is all this stuff?

Stuff my mom saved from elementary school.

Aha, this is it...

my ticket out of my deal with the Devil.

I didn't know you played a musical instrument, Sam.

- Neither did I. - Yeah, in third grade

Mrs. Ward said I was the best in the class. She made me

first chair in the school orchestra. I was better than fourth-graders.

All right, Sammy. Let's hear a little Zep.

I haven't played in a while, but it should be like riding a bike, right?

Totally.

There he is.

Uh-huh.

Hmm.

Okay, now bring it back. Bring it back.

Yeah.

Yeah!

All right, Sammy. You are good at something.

Right? Right? See? I think I can do this.

I think you got it.

Oh my God, Andi. You spoke to me just now.

I felt like you just spoke to my heart, and Ben's, I think.

I played all through high school. You quit in third grade, Sam.

I have a feeling that Devil's probably better than me.

You're right. Who am I kidding?

Drink it.

Oh! Drink up, Benji, drink up.

Look, you have been by far the most considerate boyfriend.

And how's that gonna help me get out of my deal with the Devil?

My mom liked you better than every other guy I dated.

Again, not helpful.

I can't challenge the Devil

to be-a-nice-boyfriend contest.

Face it... I suck at everything.

That's not true, Sammy. You're good at a lot of things.

You could challenge him to a power-nap contest.

You guys remember why I was always the designated driver?

Nice, Sammy.

Because I never ever had to drink.

Oh my God, Sam, wow!

Because I never ever miss. Ben, put it on the floor.

Put it on the floor. Do it, Benji.

Floor floor floor!

Oh!

Amazing. You're amazing.

Oh my God, that's it. I've got him.

I've got the Devil. I can get out of my deal.

Yeah, you can.

Oh, no, Grandma hates double ding-dongs.

Ben, sweetie, don't be so nervous.

�Ah, Benjam�n!

Give your abuela a big kiss.

�Qu� lindo!

Hello, Grandma Gonzalez. Thank you so much for inviting us.

Well, thank you for blessing my home

with your visit. Come in.

Okay.

Ben, Nina, I want you to meet Father O'Malley.

Father O'Malley, this is my grandson

and the girl that I spoke to you about.

- How do you do? - Why is he here?

I'm here to help.

Help what?

Father O'Malley is an exorcist.

An exorcist?

Yes, your grandmother informed me

of Nina's demonic possession.

I am here to serve God's eviction notice.

What? No no, there will be no exorcism.

We all want the same thing.

We want you to be happy.

And you...

we want you to be cleansed from all that foul corruption.

I just thought we'd discuss it over some paella.

Grandma, I love Nina, understand?

I love her just the way she is.

But like always, you gotta make everything

the way you think it should be. We're out of here.

Ben, I do it for you.

- I do it for you, Ben. - I know you better than that.

Then you know that I mean what I say...

until your lady is free of all evil,

you're out of this family!

- Out! - Bye.

Whoa.

Okay, that's four, right?

Andi, Andi, you don't have to drink every time I sink one in.

Sam, this is how the game is played,

so yes, I do.

No, you don't.

Oh my God.

Are you okay?

You must hate me.

Why would I hate you?

'Cause you even said so yourself, Sam.

I thought you were evil evil.

You know what I did? I gave you the boot.

- I don't hate you. - So when you need me,

where am I?

I bail on you. I bail on you every time.

This would be a lot to handle for anyone.

Most people would completely freak out, but not you.

You've been great. You've been better than great.

You've been amazing.

- Let's have sex. - Let's what?

Yeah, you know why? Because I want to be there for you.

Yep, and I want to be there on you.

Andi, whoa.

Hey, are you okay?

Okay, I'm gonna need your help

getting nuded for you.

I have a better idea.

You get some rest and then we'll practice.

Okay.

I love you.

I love you too.

Listen, the point is, Benjamin, I invented it.

- No, you didn't. - Yes, I did.

Oh my God, dudes have been doing sex moves for, like, 1000 years.

So?

There's literally nothing that hasn't been done.

Except this. The shark attack is mine.

Whoa, what's the new move?

Sock thinks he invented the shark attack.

The shark attack, yeah. All right, basically

it's like in "Jaws" where all you can see is the shark's fin, right?

So what happens is, the lady lies on the bed, naked preferably;

the dude does a crab walk around the foot of the bed,

so all she can see is the shark's fin. You dig?

- Have you done the shark attack? - Every time I have sex.

Lies. I can tell you that Egyptian pharaohs used to do it twice a week.

And they probably only called it, like, a dinosaur attack or something.

- Is that what they called it? - It's been done.

The masto-dong? Is that what they called it?

You and your crazy ideas. You can't even back that up.

So I translated the scroll.

This is the incantation you need to challenge the Devil.

Okay.

And the suit?

The suit is an exact copy of the Devil's suit, only in your size.

See, there was a final symbol in the scroll

which translates to "reflection,"

meaning you need to reflect the Devil, appear his equal.

It's mostly a kind of a symbolic gesture.

It levels the playing field. Take that.

As the Devil's reflection,

you need to always stand up straight.

You need to keep that arrogant swagger.

A tan wouldn't hurt.

And never ever let him see you sweat.

I will.

I'll be rooting for you.

Flight 11 to Control Tower... we are coming in for final approach.

No no, Ben. No more fried planes.

Please open the hangar doors.

Ben, listen.

I wanted to thank you

for standing up to your grandmother.

I think that was really sweet.

Anything for you, baby.

So how long do you think before she stops being mad at you?

Never.

I'm dead to Nana, which means I'm dead to the family.

Soon all evidence of Benjamin Casper Perez Gonzalez will be erased.

That's terrible.

Yeah, I've been stripped of my personal history

and emotional identity.

But hey, look what I get in return.

You.

Now give me a cup of sugar.

Mm-hmm.

- Nice. - What do you want, Pesi?

There's some dude outside jacking your ride.

Babe, they're towing your car.

Jose?

- You know him? - Yeah, he's my cousin.

Jose, what are you doing? Jose, what the hell, man?

She said I'm not allowed to speak to you.

Who?

I'm having the car repossessed.

But I bought it.

Oh, yeah? Well, I co-signed the loan.

That's when I had a grandson.

I don't have a grandson anymore.

Don't worry.

I'll get you a good car.

You like Pontiac?

I'll get you a Pontiac Vibe...

a nice car, sexy.

What?

Sam?

Oh my graces, look at this.

Oh, you're clever, Sammy.

I've gotta completely give it up to you, man.

I was surprised,

and that's a rare thing. Congrats.

I'm not here for props.

I think you have to do something for me now.

Oh, is that so?

You want your soul back?

You think you can defeat me in a contest?

What would that contest entail...

who's better at slacking off, who could be the biggest failure?

Just exactly what is it that you can beat me at, Sammy?

Because we both know the only thing you really excel at

is being a full-time loser.

Really?

A drinking contest?

Oh, you're even dumber than I thought, buddy boy.

I can't get drunk.

The game's quarters,

and I'm kind of awesome at it.

Five shots. Most in wins. Questions?

Nope. After you.

Wow.

Five for five.

- Perfect. - Yep.

A little unusual for you.

Stop stalling and shoot.

You know something, Sammy?

I feel I owe you an apology.

Sometimes I underestimate you,

and that's unfair.

I just assume you're gonna mess up.

And you know what they say about the word "assume"...

it makes an ass out of you

and on occasion...

me.

Wow.

Whew.

Man, am I relieved.

You know, this is my first time doing this.

I'm really a little impressed with myself.

All right, fine. The first round is a tie.

Round two. I go first.

Oh, I don't think so.

There is no second round. You had your contest.

It ended in a draw. End of story.

No, somebody has to win.

Right, you have to win, and you didn't.

But that's all she wrote. You only get one shot at it, man.

Didn't you read the fine print on the incantation?

- That's not fair. - Oh, sure it is.

You had a chance to win. You made a valiant effort.

But let's be honest, I'm damn good.

Oh, hey, come on, don't feel so bad.

I just don't have any reason to compete with you anymore. I already own you.

Now if you had something to make it worth my while,

I might give you a rematch.

If you think of anything, you let me know.

'Night.

- Okay, mission accomplished. - So what did you guys get?

Everything I made for my grandmother...

this ashtray I made in the fourth grade,

Christmas ornaments I made in the third grade,

and these hand turkeys I made ever since I was two years old.

What did you get, Sock?

A DVD player.

Ben's favorite childhood DVD player.

It's very sentimental.

Do you feel better now?

Yeah, she's not the only one who can hit where it hurts.

This is wrong. This is all wrong.

What are you talking about?

I can't be the one that tears you apart from your family.

- No, you're not. - I'm gonna do the exorcism.

You can't do that. It's too dangerous.

No, it's not. Nothing can happen to me.

I'm not afraid of that priest. I'll just fake it.

I'll yell and I'll scream, you know,

so they think the demon just flew out of me.

So it won't actually work? I mean, you're not gonna get hurt, right?

I'll be fine.

Oh, hold on. This thing plays Blu-Ray.

We gotta go back and get the flattie.

Hey, look who I've found.

- You've found Gladys? - Yeah, I paid her

to translate the demon scroll so you can get out of your deal.

Yeah, and the meter's running, so let's get this show on the road.

What? What's wrong?

That was it.

That was my chance. I had the Devil right where I wanted him,

and I let him slip through my fingers.

I'm right back where I started from. I'm screwed.

It still doesn't explain the suit.

You look like Justin Timberlake took a dump.

Steve gave the suit to me after he translated the scroll.

It says that I have to dress like the Devil.

I have to reflect his appearance in order to beat him.

What? It doesn't say that.

It doesn't say "reflect the Devil."

It says "the Devil's reflection."

The Devil's vanity is his weakness.

What you should have done is

taken a big mirror with you to the competition...

you know, like a distraction.

The Devil can't resist looking at himself.

Well, that doesn't really do me any good now, does it?

There has to be some way to challenge him again.

No, he said I had to make it worth his while.

I've got nothing left to give him.

I need another drink.

Steve... what a dope.

I always knew he couldn't read.

Gladys, I need a favor.

I'm not making out with you.

All right, I'll make out with you.

How do I get a meeting with the Devil?

Hey, are you sure about this? 'Cause we don't have to...

- I'm sure. - Okay.

- Ah, mi hijo. - Hey, Grandma.

You remember Father O'Malley.

- Hello. - Hi.

Can I get you anything... a soda, water?

No, I'm fine. Thank you.

I would love a beer.

What? Father's gonna knock this out no problem, right, Father?

I can't make any promises, but I hope to, yes.

So, Nina, why don't you and I head upstairs

and get started? Shall we?

Okay.

"Dear Ben, I want you to know how much I love you

and how special these last few months with you have been.

But I lied. There's a good chance that this exorcism will work.

And if that happens, I'll be sent back to hell.

I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that this was a possibility,

but ultimately I couldn't accept the fact

that I was the reason you were no longer a part of your family.

And if we never see each other again,

I will think about you every day.

Love always, Nina."

Don't you worry, kiddies.

Sock's on his way, gonna save your asses.

Here we go!

It's so hot in here.

What is going on?

What is wrong with me? Come on.

Hi.

Mind if I have a second with her?

Certainly.

- Hey. - Hi.

So put on a good show, all right?

- Okay. - All right.

- Ben, wait. - Yeah?

I love you.

Aw, that's sweet.

Break a leg, you two.

Breathe it in. Suck it in, Sock.

Okay. Oh, whoa.

Okay. Oh, you're tripping out.

Oh, there's nobody else in the car.

Is this you, Sam? No.

No way.

You're not gonna stop me. No way, Granny.

Oh, her magic is strong,

but my Caddy is stronger.

Hooligan!

Die, you pint-sized wench!

Most glorious Prince of the Heavenly Armies,

Michael the Archangel, defend us in our battle

against the rulers of darkness!

My mouth is so dry.

My mouth is so dry.

Look at that.

Oh my God!

Out, Hellspawn!

The blood of the Martyrs compels thee!

Sounds like it's going pretty well.

I'll get it.

Sock.

What?

Sock. Hey, Sock!

Hellspawn, the blood of the Martyrs compels thee!

Who are you?

Benjam�n, get him out of here.

Hey, guys, I think it's gone.

How do you feel?

I feel good.

I think you should worry about him. I think the demon jumped.

Oh, so now it resides in this poor man, does it?

If you want to dance, demon, you'll dance with me!

Sorry, Sock.

I need your opinion, Sammy.

On my lapel, which one do you think makes my eyes pop more...

carnation or lily?

I know. Both, right?

That's the beauty of wearing a dark suit and having this face.

Go away.

Oh, why the big frown?

I thought you'd be on cloud nine.

Why would you think that?

You and me... quarters rematch.

It's all set up.

You didn't know?

What are you talking about?

Someone made it worth my while.

So the contest is back on.

Someone? Who?

Your girl Andi.

She put up her own soul as collateral.

She must really be into you.

You're a lucky guy.

Tell me you didn't do it.

Yeah, I kind of did.

Andi, what were you thinking?

I was thinking that I want you out of your deal.

This is the only way to do it.

No, you have to stop and you have to go back to the Devil

and tell him you changed your mind.

No. No, I want to do this.

I need to do this.

I believe in you and I believe that you can beat him.

And I'm tired of being alone.

Aren't you?

It's too much to risk.

Well, it's my risk to take.

We're gonna beat the Devil, Sam.

I know it.

Come on.

- Are you nervous? - Yeah. Are you?

Oh, yeah.

This is for the lady's file.

It's not every day I get to win such a beautiful trophy.

Yeah, we'll see about that.

I'm already liking the woman's touch.

Very nice, Andi. Really spruces the place up.

Sam, just get this over with.

Yeah, Sammy, let's do get this over with.

There's something else Andi brought to the party.

This time I think you should go first.

Now I know you're the brains of this operation.

Your turn.

Sam, all you have to do is get two in. You got this.

I'm a bad loser, all right?

And if you should eventually win this thing,

don't expect any hugs or grab-ass.

There's shot glasses in Housewares. I'll be right back.

Hey, buddy.

Steve, hey. What are you doing here?

I heard some bonehead screwed up

an ancient translation. Guilty.

Don't worry about it, man.

Do you have any idea what a mensch you are?

Thanks. Listen, I gotta go. I'm about to get out of my deal with the Devil.

I know. I heard.

And let me just say

how truly, deeply sorry I am.

Sorry for what?

Sam, I'm so sorry.

Why?

It's for the best. That's all I know.

Oh my God. Sam, what happened?

- I just broke it. - What? How?

I can't talk about it right now.

Sammy, come on, if you wanted to forfeit, all you had to do is say so.

No, no forfeit.

Oh, man, that's pathetic.

Come on, just stop right now, please, for your own sake.

I still have one good hand.

Not a lefty, huh?

Shut up.

Oh, this is hard to watch.

So let's just take a survey...

who had the worst week?

I lost my soul to the Devil.

Top that.

An angel broke my hand in six places,

which evidently means Heaven hates me,

and the Devil still owns my soul.

Okay, let's recap the Sock...

I got frog-roofied. My mouth tastes like sand.

My mind is melting. I tasted music,

and it tasted like garbage.

I had a pretty good week.

What?

Sock saved my girlfriend from going back to hell.

- Thank you. - I really hate your grandmother.

- I know. - Yeah.

I'm gonna get fruit on my pancakes.

- Sure. - Whipped cream maybe.

Sure.

Oh, so...

I'm really sorry that your soul got damned for eternity.

That's a bummer.

- Come here. - Thanks, Sock.

- I'm sorry. - Thank you, Ben.

Shotgun.

Look, Andi, I want you to know

I feel terrible about what happened.

You put yourself on the line. You put your soul on the line.

And I let you down.

I don't expect you to forgive me.

I just hope that...

What was that about?

The Devil owns my soul,

but I don't feel any different, you know?

And I still love you more than I ever did.

And as bad as things seem,

I'm really happy.

Is that weird?

Yes, completely.

We can still try to get out of our deals with the Devil.

We can try to change our fates.

You did it once before and we can try again.

If nothing else, then we have time together.

Then I'm happy too.

Then I'm happy too.

Steve, what do you want?

I thought I heard you say you're happy.

I figured it would be a good time to poke in.

- Get out. - Look, I'm not exactly pleased

with the way things turned out either, but...

hey! Ow! Ow! Andi, are you throwing rocks at me?

Yeah, I'm trying to break your hand.

Sam, would you please tell her to quit it?

Would you let me explain?

Fine fine. Explain. What's your explanation?

I'm acting on orders from upstairs.

I don't know exactly why

they had me do the things that they had me do.

Guys, stop! Stop.

You have a right to be upset,

but throwing rocks is never constructive.

Enough!

Yeah, I got my wings earlier today.

I wanted it to be a surprise.

You got your wings because you broke my hand?

That's great. Congratulations.

It's because of how I helped you.

Helped? The Devil owns both of our souls.

Heaven works in mysterious ways, Andi.

You've got to believe.

Believe what?

That you are not alone.