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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:06,600 (Door shuts) 2 00:00:06,700 --> 00:00:09,200 - (Stuart) Do you want a drink? - (Remote bleeps) 3 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,300 - (Man) What have you got? - Everything. 4 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:13,400 l'll have a whisky. 5 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:18,200 Must be nice, living on Canal Street. 6 00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:21,300 lt saves time. 7 00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:26,900 l've seen you round. Are you two a couple or what? 8 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,800 No. We go back years. We were in school. 9 00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:31,900 So is this what you do then - 10 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,900 threesomes? 11 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,300 - First time. - At your age? 12 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,500 First time together. 13 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:43,100 lf you two want to shag, l'm not just an extra cock, if you know what l mean. 14 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,800 Thing is, if he gets his kit off, l'm just gonna be laughing. 15 00:00:46,900 --> 00:00:49,000 (Stuart) That's good sex. 16 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,700 - Not much happening down there. - Give it time. 17 00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:52,300 - (Mobile phone) - Oh, sorry. Didn't switch it off. 18 00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:55,300 Hello? 19 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:59,300 Oh, my God. When did that happen? 20 00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:02,900 (Sighs) Gotta go. 21 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,000 So, what did they do? 22 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,800 lt's my neighbour. Someone's broken in downstairs. 23 00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:13,100 Yeah, l'm coming now. 24 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,500 l'll have to check the flat. 25 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,700 Fuck off, then. 26 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,300 (Distant siren) 27 00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:09,000 (Quiet music, chatting) 28 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,800 - Hey, how you doing, love? - Jimmy Clifton, you owe me a tenner. 29 00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:18,900 - Oi, it's women on Tuesdays. - Don't tell me, tell your wife. 30 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:23,500 - Nice leathers, Hazel, must be boiling. - lt's like a sauna in here. 31 00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:30,200 - Stuart Alan Jones. - (Man) Jesus. 32 00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:32,700 You have a wank, l'll get the coffee. 33 00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:37,100 Hazel Tyler and guest. 34 00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:40,000 Vincent Tyler and guest. 35 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:45,200 - Who's he gonna take instead of you? - No, no chance. 36 00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:49,300 His sister's wedding, though. You know what he's like in front of that lot. 37 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,200 - Yeah, l do, a twat. - So go with him. 38 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,700 lt's a big do, loads of people. You're not gonna look like a couple, 39 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,000 if that's what bothers you. 40 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,500 They've found Nathan. 41 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,700 Nathan who? 42 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,100 That's not all l've been told. 43 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,800 Three of you last night. Three of you left the club. 44 00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:19,000 You, Vince and the shag, everyone's saying. 45 00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:20,800 So? 46 00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:23,900 Do us all a favour - cut out the middle man. 47 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:31,500 We've got the same dad. He married this woman, Yvonne. l was about six. 48 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:35,700 - She's loaded, Yvonne. She sells boats. - What's the sister called? 49 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,500 - Judith. - Oh. 50 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:41,400 There's a woman down our road getting married. She's not called Judith. 51 00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:43,600 - (Rosalie) Do you get on? - Hardly know her. 52 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:47,900 - Why's that, then? Bad blood? - No, she lives in Macclesfield. 53 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:52,200 Er, if you're in the pub after work, there's a couple of drinks on me. 54 00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:56,800 Sally's going to be there. We're celebrating. We've just got engaged. 55 00:04:56,900 --> 00:04:58,500 Pass the word round. 56 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,900 Wedding fever. Clever little bastard. 57 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,100 You know Sally out of marketing? We're engaged. 58 00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:19,200 l'll bet you he gets that job instead of me. 59 00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:22,700 Cos he gets married - mortgage, kids, kitchen extension - 60 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,300 and the company loves it. 61 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,600 He might as well marry the shop. 62 00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:29,700 lt's promotion guaranteed and he knows it. Bastard. 63 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,800 Who gives a shit? lt's a supermarket, Vince. 64 00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:36,800 - 'Thanks very much.' - You don't mind? l'll be back by three. 65 00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:40,200 - Try and make it two, will you? - (Whispers) Good boy. 66 00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:42,900 Oh, yeah. They've found Nathan. 67 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:46,900 'Nathan who? Guess where Graham and Sally first met?' 68 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:50,400 Church. They took communion, side by side. 69 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:53,200 Just the games. Don't mess with my work stuff. 70 00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:56,800 - OK. - Right, don't make a mess. 71 00:05:56,900 --> 00:05:59,400 Thanks a million. lf that's Vince, say hello. 72 00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:02,200 - That's Marie. She says hello. - Hiya. 73 00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:05,100 'l've got the kids, it's taking her forever to move.' 74 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:08,500 - Personal call? - No, it's the distributors. 75 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:10,800 Right, l'll be in touch. Thanks. 76 00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:13,300 There's a memo on its way. 77 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,400 Your interview's on the 14th. 78 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,900 We've narrowed it down to two. Yourself and Graham. 79 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,500 Marvellous news about the engagement. 80 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,100 Oh, l was chuffed to bits. 81 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:28,400 l thought the company could pay for drinks tonight. Make it a bit of a party. 82 00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:31,600 Mind you, it's a party every night for you lot. 83 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,100 - Uncle Stuart? - Don't call me ''uncle''. 84 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,100 Old men are called ''uncle''. 85 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:43,700 This boy at school, he's selling all his Tomb Raider stuff. 86 00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:46,500 25 quid. 87 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,800 l thought l gave you a tenner last week. 88 00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:53,300 lt's good, this, l like Big Cock City. 89 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,400 Nan and Grandad don't know, do they? 90 00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:09,000 You're a poof and they don't know. 91 00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:11,800 25 quid or l'm telling. 92 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:16,400 - Benjamin, do you want chips? - Yeah! 93 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:27,200 Go to McTucky's on the corner and get us some chips, whatever you want. 94 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:29,200 My treat. 95 00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:32,000 That's 25 quid. lt won't cost that much. 96 00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:33,500 - Keep the change. - l'll go with him. 97 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:36,700 - No, you won't. - l'll get millions of chips. 98 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,200 Get off me! Get off me! 99 00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:50,300 Get off me! No! 100 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,500 No! No! Get off me! 101 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,700 Get off me! 102 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,900 - (Toilet flushes) - 25 quid of this, you fucker. 103 00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:13,500 Now clean yourself up, we've got chips on the way. 104 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,600 You're gonna pay. You're so gonna pay. 105 00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:18,400 l want 50 quid. 106 00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:20,800 A week, every week. 107 00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:23,900 Thomas. You've lost, now give it a rest. 108 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:29,100 l'm telling my dad, cos he wants access. My mum won't let him have access. 109 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,400 Cos he's going to court. 110 00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:33,600 l'm telling him you touched me. 111 00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:36,600 Just then. You bloody touched me! 112 00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:39,600 You pervert! You bloody pervert! 113 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,100 l want 50 quid. 114 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,500 No, make it 100 quid. 115 00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:52,900 (Door slams) 116 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:56,800 & We're gonna use it up We're gonna wear it out 117 00:08:56,900 --> 00:09:00,900 & Ain't nothing left in this whole world l care about... & 118 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:04,400 You've been on answerphone all day. What've you been up to? 119 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,500 Nothing special, you know? 120 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,700 Same old stuff. 121 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:13,100 - What we doing? - Start off in the Union? Same old stuff. 122 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,500 (& Rick Astley: Never Gonna Give You Up) 123 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:19,700 Oh! Rick Astley. l love this. l used to fuck toilet rolls thinking of him. 124 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,000 - lt was Tommy Steele for me. - Little White Bull. 125 00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:26,800 l remember you dribbling in front of Dukes Of Hazzard. 126 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,300 l thought, ''He's not looking at Daisy Duke.'' 127 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,700 l wanted to shag the second Dukes of Hazzard. 128 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:33,900 l fancied Boss Hogg. 129 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:37,300 (Hazel) When it finished, you were off to the toilet. 130 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,900 - Mum! - You can fancy them all you want 131 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,200 but l've shagged someone famous. 132 00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:45,700 - No! Who? - (All) Who? 133 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:49,400 - Hiya. - Piss off, Anakin Skywalker, we're busy. 134 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:54,400 Who, you bastard? You're not moving back to Hazel's, that room's mine. 135 00:09:54,500 --> 00:09:57,200 - Did you miss me? - Have you been somewhere? 136 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,600 Who was it? You never told me. 137 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,100 - You're kidding. - No. 138 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,500 Did he still have the puppet? 139 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,600 lrene Lonsdale, look at you. 140 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:15,700 (Hazel) Did you leave your friend lap dancing in London? 141 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:17,400 Her mum won't let her out 142 00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:21,100 and she's making her change classes, like it's all my fault. 143 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:24,000 (Hazel) lt is your fault. (Nathan) Yeah but... 144 00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:28,100 Yeah but what? Christ, you're an idiot. What are you having? 145 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:31,700 - Can of Breaker. - You can have a Diet Coke and like it. 146 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:34,800 - (Tuts) - Look, they've got a G-A-Y at Paradise, 147 00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,800 Monday night. Should be good. 148 00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:39,700 - Can't. l'm going to a wedding. - Since when? 149 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:45,300 - Oh, all right, l'll go with the kid. - No, no, that's brilliant. Thanks. 150 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:46,900 Whose wedding? 151 00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:50,200 Family. 152 00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:03,600 Steady the buffers, boys, he's drunk. Lock up your daughters. 153 00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:06,600 Leave your sons at the front door. Here he is! 154 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:10,500 - (Cheering, whooping) - Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. 155 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:12,900 Pass me another boy, this one's split! 156 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,200 (Man) Come on, give it some stick, girl. 157 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:18,300 & The boys watch the girls While the girls watch the boys 158 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,400 & Who watch the girls go by 159 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,700 & Eye to eye 160 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:27,100 & They solemnly convene to make the scene... & 161 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:30,100 - How much do you need? - Hundred quid? 162 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,700 (Sighs) OK. 163 00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:36,100 l'm still paying the bill for next door's dog. 164 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,700 l'd ask Bernie but they stopped his overtime. 165 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,600 What about him? Useless bloody lodger. 166 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:45,300 - He spends enough on vodka. - Mm. 167 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:49,500 - Reckon he needs it. - & Eyes watch, girls walk 168 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:53,000 & With tender loving care 169 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:56,400 & We're keeping track of the fact Watching them watching back 170 00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:58,900 & That makes the world go round... & 171 00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:03,700 - Heard you ran away. - No. Just went to London for a bit. 172 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,700 Didn't phone me. 173 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:08,900 - & Music to watch girls by... & - Had a great time Saturday. 174 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,300 You missed it. Guess who l shagged? 175 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,900 - & La la la la, la la la... & - Yeah? 176 00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:19,500 He's good. 177 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,700 - What time do you finish? - Why? 178 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,700 Why do you think? 179 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:41,700 & Guy talk and ''girl talk'' 180 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:44,500 & lt happens everywhere 181 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,300 & Eyes watch girls walk 182 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,100 & With tender loving care 183 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,500 & lt's keeping track of the fact Watching them watching back 184 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,300 & That makes the world go round... & 185 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:59,300 - lt's just kids in here. - What about him? 186 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,700 Yeah, not bad. Do you like him? 187 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,800 Not for me, for you. 188 00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:09,100 l thought it was, er, for both of us. 189 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,300 Take him back to yours... 190 00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:21,600 l've gotta stick with Mum. Gotta take Alexander home. 191 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:23,600 Coward. 192 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,800 His dad's had a stroke. Speech gone, paralysed. 193 00:13:27,900 --> 00:13:30,500 Sounds bad. He might die. 194 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,300 Good. 195 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,400 Yeah. 196 00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:53,500 Midnight, got that? 197 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,800 And look after the house. No crack cocaine while l'm gone. 198 00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:59,000 Yes, milady. 199 00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:03,900 Just behave, all right? None of your antics. Just behave. 200 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,400 - That's you, that is. - You, he means. 201 00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:10,200 - Just you behave. - Behave yourself. 202 00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:12,900 (Woman) l'm telling you... 203 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,200 - (& Vivaldi: The Four Seasons) - Fantastic. 204 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:19,300 Vince! Oh! 205 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,200 Hey, l smell a free bar. 206 00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:27,600 - Look at you. - Oh, my God, you look marvellous. 207 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,300 - Oh, Hazel, oh! - Oh! 208 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,400 l thought you'd got lost. Most of them have got lost. 209 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:37,800 Oh, it's so nice to see you. l'm so glad you came. 210 00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:42,000 Oh, and it's Stuart. Hello. You handsome sod, come here. 211 00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:46,900 Oh, l'm so glad you came! Adrian, he's here. 212 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,000 Adrian! 213 00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:52,100 Might as well show him who's boss, he can't escape now. 214 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,000 He got my name wrong. The vicar. 215 00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:58,400 He called me Janet. l couldn't stop laughing. 216 00:14:58,500 --> 00:15:01,200 Look, it's Vince, he came, isn't that fantastic? 217 00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:03,700 - Oh, and you've met Hazel. - Come here. 218 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,800 lt's not often l get the chance. 219 00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:07,900 Congratulations. 220 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,100 Oh, and you haven't met Stuart. 221 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,300 l told you, remember? Stuart's Vince's boyfriend. 222 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,400 Adrian, Stuart. Stuart, Adrian. 223 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,300 - A pleasure. Hello. - Hello. 224 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,900 - (Woman) Hiya, Judy! - Suki! You came! 225 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:25,400 Adrian, meet Suki, she's my best friend. l haven't seen her for years. 226 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,300 l'll go and find your dad. 227 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:37,700 l never said that we're boyfriends. She-she just... 228 00:15:38,900 --> 00:15:40,800 What? 229 00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:46,600 - Don't you dare. - l bet you a thousand quid. 230 00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:49,800 Please. Don't shag the bridegroom, please. 231 00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:53,000 Excuse me. Sorry. Mind your backs. 232 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,000 Now, then. 233 00:15:58,100 --> 00:16:00,100 Ah. You. 234 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,700 You're doing well, your mother was saying. 235 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:08,200 l'm going for this job, yeah. They asked me to apply. 236 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,000 lt's mine already. Deputy manager. 237 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:13,900 - lt's good. - Well, that's marvellous. 238 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,400 l'm buying a house. Looking in Didsbury. 239 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:18,600 lt's smart, it's nice. 240 00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:23,800 lf you need any help... l've paid all this for Judith, l could chip in. 241 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,400 l mean, you're not, er... 242 00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:29,700 Well, you're never going to marry. So, er... 243 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,900 Yeah, but Dad, she deserves it. She's done so well. 244 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,200 Yes, but we've always had to push her. 245 00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:37,400 You, you've made your own way. 246 00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:40,700 'Ere, try that. lt's brandy, gin and vodka. 247 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:44,700 lt's called a Jill Dando. One shot goes straight to your head. 248 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:55,300 - Adrian's nice. - Yes, he's a good enough lad. 249 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:59,000 - We'll see, we'll see. - Course, we might get a house together. 250 00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:01,400 Cos Stuart's loaded. He's got tons of money. 251 00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:04,500 - Together? - We've talked about it. 252 00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:08,500 Judith always said the two of you were... 253 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:13,100 l said, ''They're just friends.'' She said, ''Don't be so daft.'' 254 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,200 We'll see. Might change my mind. 255 00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:18,500 Well, like l said, if you need any help. 256 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:21,100 - He's rich. - Well. 257 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,500 Cheers, then. Here's to you. 258 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:28,700 - To both of you. - Cheers. 259 00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:41,900 Been avoiding me? 260 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,500 No. 261 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:48,200 Still going down Canal Street? 262 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,700 What if l am? 263 00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:55,400 Some right twats down there. 264 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,800 - Yeah. - lt's all right, though. 265 00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:01,900 lt's not bad. 266 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,600 - Got myself this boyfriend. - Yeah? 267 00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:09,100 Yeah. He's all right. 268 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,700 Yeah? Where's he from? 269 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,300 - Longsight. - Oh, yeah? 270 00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:18,300 He's a bit stupid. He'll do. 271 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,600 You missed your chance. 272 00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:27,500 What's that mean? 273 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,600 - Nothing. - What the fuck does that mean? 274 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,000 You're dead. 275 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:46,000 l remember the day Judith first brought Adrian home. 276 00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:48,200 Was he a good shag? 277 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,700 - (Whispers) l only had him the once. - Hush. 278 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,500 - Middle of Piccadilly Gardens. - Slut. 279 00:18:56,600 --> 00:19:00,800 - Well? There was a war on. - Yeah. ln Vietnam. 280 00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:04,500 - Yeah, but was he any good? - Roger Bannister. 281 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,700 l'm trying to listen. 282 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,300 l was only 15. 283 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:17,500 Pervert. Older man taking advantage. l mean, who'd sleep with a 15 year old? 284 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,800 Fair dues, though. He did his bit, old Dudley. 285 00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:25,600 l'd take Vince to Macclesfield. At least he saw him. 286 00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:27,700 Up your arse. 287 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:32,900 Only once or twice a year, that's all. But at least he'd go and see him. 288 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,800 No matter what happened, they were father and son. 289 00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:38,300 Your dad might pop his clogs any minute. 290 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,100 Up your arse. l'm not gonna see him. 291 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:45,700 - Comprendez-vous? - Non. Je ne comprends pas. 292 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,900 Don't get fancy, lady. 293 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:54,100 She's nice, my mum. l mean, she's a bit boring and that but she's all right. 294 00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:57,700 Just don't talk about things, OK? 295 00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,200 - What's that mean, things? - Things. 296 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:03,400 - What sort of things? - You know what things. Sex and that. 297 00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:06,600 Like l'd say, ''Nice fish fingers. l'll shove them up me arse.'' 298 00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:08,900 - And you would. - l will, then. 299 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,600 - Just don't. - God. No wonder your dad left home. 300 00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:17,600 And l work at the uni on weekends - bar work and clearing up. lt's a right laugh. 301 00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:20,300 - Any plans beyond that? - Dunno. l love it. 302 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,700 lt's a laugh. l might go back to college. Do night classes. 303 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,000 Since when? 304 00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,600 l might. 305 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,900 - What for? Anything in particular? - Dunno. 306 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,900 l loved history, Tudors and Stewarts. l'm doing Mardi Gras this year. 307 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:41,000 l'm Marie Antoinette. Like ''Let them eat cake.'' lt's gonna be fab. 308 00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:44,700 - That's not Tudors and Stewarts. - Big frocks, same difference. 309 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,400 We did fancy dress. l was Britney Spears. 310 00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:52,200 l've done her. Hollywood Show Bar. l had this wig, just like the video. 311 00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:56,900 They love me in the Show Bar. Julia tried to get me barred cos l broke a stool. 312 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,700 But all the staff had a petition. They love me. 313 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,800 (Dazz) You should put your hair up, like that. 314 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:10,700 - Sorry about that. - He's nice enough. 315 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,600 - Helen likes him. - He doesn't half witter on. 316 00:21:13,700 --> 00:21:16,000 Should have seen my first boyfriend. 317 00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:18,800 He used to sit and read Ordnance Survey maps. 318 00:21:18,900 --> 00:21:21,300 You wouldn't see him as Britney Spears. 319 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:25,700 He puts it on. All those stories, he hasn't done half of those things. 320 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,000 l worked that out for meself. 321 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:33,200 And he's never going to college. He didn't even do GCSEs. 322 00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:35,500 - He's a good-looking lad, though. - Mm. 323 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,800 lt sort of fades after a bit. 324 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:44,200 Nathan, l know you're new to all this, but you've got it the wrong way round. 325 00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:49,600 - l'm supposed to be the one criticising. - Yeah, but don't you think... 326 00:21:49,700 --> 00:21:51,100 What? 327 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,300 - Don't you think he's a twat? - That's one way of putting it. 328 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,900 And to be honest, you might as well be going out with a girl. 329 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,800 Your decision. 330 00:22:01,900 --> 00:22:05,500 Look. Helen says l'm the Pope. Bless you, my children. 331 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,700 (Janice laughs) 332 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,000 Oh, God. 333 00:22:10,100 --> 00:22:13,600 & Darling, there's no way out Nothing can help me now 334 00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:15,500 & Love's got a hold of my heart.. & 335 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,700 (Dudley) Must be a wonderful life, Hazel, all those boys. 336 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:23,900 They're such good company. Never short of a joke. Tremendous wit, all of them. 337 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,700 They're always smiling, they're always laughing. 338 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,100 Yes, and they make such good pets. 339 00:22:44,700 --> 00:22:47,600 (Sigh) Oh, my God, l'm knackered. 340 00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:49,700 - Bloody long day. - Yeah. 341 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,300 Oh, we heard last week we got that house. 342 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:56,000 lt's got a great big garden and it's got a tree. lt's lovely. 343 00:22:56,100 --> 00:22:59,900 You'll have to come over. Maybe at Christmas. 344 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,900 - Oh, can l nick a fag? - Yeah. 345 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,900 Judith always says we should see Vince more often. He's a nice bloke. 346 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,900 Good-looking. 347 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,800 - You think he's good-looking? - Yeah. 348 00:23:12,900 --> 00:23:15,000 That's not good-looking. 349 00:23:15,100 --> 00:23:17,300 Judith was telling her friend Trisha, 350 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:21,600 ''Wait until you see my brother, he's really handsome. Such a waste.'' 351 00:23:23,100 --> 00:23:25,200 A waste? 352 00:23:25,300 --> 00:23:28,300 Go on, what's a waste, exactly? What is wasted? 353 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:32,300 - Hold on a minute. - Oh, my God, back in a minute. 354 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:35,300 & A little bit of you makes me your man... & 355 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:39,000 What, a waste of cock, a waste of spunk, waste of a fuck, what? 356 00:23:39,100 --> 00:23:40,400 And you're not wasted. 357 00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:44,300 - You get vagina, you get Judith. - Don't talk about her like that. 358 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,600 - Fucking the front is better. - Listen... 359 00:23:46,700 --> 00:23:48,500 Hiya. Want a drink? 360 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,100 That's not a waste. 361 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:56,300 You told every single one of them. Boyfriends. 362 00:23:56,400 --> 00:24:00,800 - No, it's just cos we're always together. - They don't think it by mistake. 363 00:24:00,900 --> 00:24:02,900 You let 'em think it and you love it. 364 00:24:06,700 --> 00:24:08,700 (& Slow ballad drifts out) 365 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,000 (DJ) And now it's one for all you lovers. 366 00:24:36,100 --> 00:24:38,100 (& Patsy Cline: Crazy) 367 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,200 & Crazy... & 368 00:24:51,300 --> 00:24:54,400 l could have had all this. lf l'd stuck with him. 369 00:24:54,500 --> 00:24:57,900 Nice house. Nice car. None of that cutting out coupons. 370 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:02,100 - Bollocks. lt's the wife's money. - Don't spoil a good story. 371 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,300 & Crazy 372 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,800 & Crazy for feeling so blue... & 373 00:25:08,900 --> 00:25:12,100 One quick shag goes on for years. 374 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,200 Did you love him? 375 00:25:14,300 --> 00:25:16,100 No. 376 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,800 Just fancied him rotten. 377 00:25:18,900 --> 00:25:21,300 Long time ago. 378 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:24,000 Look at them. 379 00:25:24,100 --> 00:25:26,300 Two nodding dogs. 380 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,800 & And then someday... & 381 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,700 Did you never fancy Vince? 382 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,700 - You been drinking? - l never drink. 383 00:25:41,300 --> 00:25:44,200 l look at you, 14 years old, hormones all over, 384 00:25:44,300 --> 00:25:47,700 you'd have shagged a letter box, but not him. 385 00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:49,700 Nope. 386 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,100 You saying my son's ugly? 387 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,500 (Quietly) He's... 388 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,100 & Wonderin'... & 389 00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:01,300 (Vince) You've gotta fancy him. 390 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,700 Never mind love. 391 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:07,400 Love can fuck off. 392 00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:09,700 lf you fancy him, 393 00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:13,000 there's blood, there's a hard-on, if you just... 394 00:26:13,100 --> 00:26:15,200 if you just love him... 395 00:26:15,300 --> 00:26:21,400 & ..that my love could hold you 396 00:26:22,900 --> 00:26:26,900 & l'm crazy for tryin' 397 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,000 & And crazy for cryin'... & 398 00:26:29,100 --> 00:26:30,600 No blood. 399 00:26:30,700 --> 00:26:36,000 & And l'm crazy for loving 400 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:39,900 & You... & 401 00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,300 Just checking. 402 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:58,700 What about him? Do you think he'd find enough blood? 403 00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,800 (& Englebert Humperdinck: Spanish Eyes) 404 00:27:01,900 --> 00:27:04,000 Let's find out. 405 00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,000 What does that mean? Find out what? 406 00:27:07,100 --> 00:27:13,500 & Blue Spanish eyes 407 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:21,700 & Teardrops are falling from your Spanish eyes... & 408 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:23,100 Piss off. 409 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:30,600 & Please, please don't cry 410 00:27:32,900 --> 00:27:40,000 & This is just adios and not goodbye 411 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:45,200 & Soon 412 00:27:45,300 --> 00:27:48,500 & l'll return 413 00:27:50,700 --> 00:27:53,800 & Bringing you all the love 414 00:27:53,900 --> 00:27:59,700 & Your heart can hold 415 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:06,900 & Please, say si, si 416 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,600 & Say you and your Spanish eyes... & 417 00:28:10,700 --> 00:28:15,600 Poor sods. They've gotta wake up with each other every single day. 418 00:28:16,700 --> 00:28:19,400 Give it six months. Your sex life's dead. 419 00:28:19,500 --> 00:28:21,700 You'll never catch me doing that. 420 00:28:22,700 --> 00:28:25,100 Do you fancy staying the night? 421 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,100 Bit expensive. 422 00:28:29,500 --> 00:28:31,400 Might as well. 423 00:28:33,900 --> 00:28:37,500 We could try again - a threesome. 424 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,500 That barman's been looking, he's up for it. 425 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:42,500 Cut out the middleman. 426 00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,700 & ..Spanish eyes... & 427 00:28:50,500 --> 00:28:52,500 (Phone ringing) 428 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,700 (& Martine McCutcheon: Perfect Moment) 429 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:07,400 Well, that was quick. Only took 16 years. 430 00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:34,900 Blimey. 431 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,900 You know what Phil used to say? 432 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,700 That you were saving me for your old age. 433 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:37,200 - Assuming you'd want me. - Assuming that, yeah. 434 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:40,900 Like one day you'd be past it. 435 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:46,000 You'd go down Canal Street and they'd all be kids laughing at the sad old man. 436 00:30:46,100 --> 00:30:48,900 And l'd be there waiting...apparently. 437 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:54,500 Long time to wait. 438 00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:56,400 You'll be 30 soon. 439 00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:59,300 Ancient. 440 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,500 So the day l shag you, l'm old? 441 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:05,500 According to Phil. 442 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,800 What the fuck did he know about anything anyway? 443 00:31:16,900 --> 00:31:18,200 Yeah. 444 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:22,800 Better get some sleep. Long day tomorrow. 445 00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:27,400 Yeah, me too. 446 00:32:01,700 --> 00:32:04,100 (Mobile phone) 447 00:32:05,900 --> 00:32:07,000 What is it now? 448 00:32:07,100 --> 00:32:10,900 (Hazel) 'Hi, Vince. l must have lost an earring last night. 449 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:15,300 - 'Are you still at the hotel?' - Yeah. We're going to breakfast. 450 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:19,100 - What was it like? - 'Er, sort of gold with bits on it... 451 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:24,300 - 'So...did you have a nice time?' - Fantastic. 452 00:32:25,700 --> 00:32:28,400 - And how was the room? - Nice, yeah. 453 00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:33,100 - Did you... Did you stay up late or... - (Beeping) 454 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:36,100 - You've got call waiting. - Hold on. 455 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:37,400 Yeah? 456 00:32:37,500 --> 00:32:39,600 Hazel, fuck off! 457 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:45,600 Deputy manager. lt's so grown-up. 458 00:32:45,700 --> 00:32:49,900 l keep fighting it off like l don't even want the job, like l'm still a kid. 459 00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:51,300 But l'm not. 460 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:55,000 There's only one good way of getting old and that's with money. 461 00:32:55,100 --> 00:32:57,300 You need money, you get promotion. 462 00:33:15,300 --> 00:33:17,900 - Here he is. - Don't suppose you have a kettle? 463 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:20,300 l told her, ''Put the kettle on top.'' 464 00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:23,500 l brought a flask of tea and your father drank it all. 465 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,400 And he ate all the biscuits. 466 00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:28,900 So you've come to get your hands dirty? 467 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:30,300 Oh, yes. 468 00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:42,200 God love them, they're bored to tears. Go and play in the garden. 469 00:33:42,300 --> 00:33:46,700 No, it's OK. lt's much more fun round Uncle Stuart's flat. 470 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:50,300 That's a hint. They're looking for a wide-screen TV. 471 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:53,300 No, it's not. lt's cos all his mates come round. 472 00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:55,800 That's nice. ls that Vince? 473 00:33:55,900 --> 00:33:57,900 Yeah. Vince is one of 'em. 474 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,200 Your Granny's right. Why don't you go out and play? 475 00:34:01,300 --> 00:34:04,400 Lots of men. All the time. 476 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:08,800 - Stuart, help me with these shelves. - l can't. 477 00:34:08,900 --> 00:34:10,800 Of course you can. Come on. 478 00:34:10,900 --> 00:34:15,100 We don't do hammers and nails or saws. 479 00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,500 We do joints and screws but it's different. 480 00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:19,900 - Who does? - Queers. 481 00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:25,800 l'll get some sandwiches. This kitchen needs organising. 482 00:34:25,900 --> 00:34:27,900 Because l'm queer. 483 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:30,900 l'm gay. l'm homosexual. 484 00:34:31,900 --> 00:34:34,700 l'm a poof. l'm a poofter. l'm a ponce. 485 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:40,800 l'm a bum-boy, batty-boy, backside artist, bugger. l'm bent. 486 00:34:40,900 --> 00:34:44,800 l am the arse bandit, l lift those shirts. 487 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:50,200 l'm a faggot-arsed, fudge-packing, shit-stabbing uphill gardener. 488 00:34:50,300 --> 00:34:54,800 l dine at the downstairs restaurant, l dance at the other end of the ballroom. 489 00:34:54,900 --> 00:34:57,800 l'm Moses and the parting of the red cheeks. 490 00:34:57,900 --> 00:35:02,100 l fuck and l'm fucked. l suck and l'm sucked. 491 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:03,900 l rim them and wank them 492 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:08,200 and every single man's had the fucking time of his life. 493 00:35:08,300 --> 00:35:11,300 And l'm not...a pervert. 494 00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:18,100 lf there's one twisted bastard in this family, it's this little blackmailer here. 495 00:35:19,300 --> 00:35:21,300 So congratulations, Thomas. 496 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:26,100 l've just officially outed you. 497 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:38,700 All right, boys. Go outside and play. 498 00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,600 - Outside. - And just what have you been doing? 499 00:35:42,700 --> 00:35:45,700 Come here. What exactly have you been doing? 500 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:51,500 He's eight years old. Ben is eight years old. 501 00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,900 Oh, and, one more thing. 502 00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,400 Did l mention l've got a baby? 503 00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:01,800 (& Utopia: Feel The Need ln Me) 504 00:36:03,500 --> 00:36:05,500 & Can't you see l'm talking? 505 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,600 & Yeah, yeah 506 00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:23,900 & All right now 507 00:36:26,900 --> 00:36:28,600 & Oh, oh... & 508 00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,200 Knackered or what? 509 00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:37,700 l suppose you're going to be all responsible now? 510 00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:41,300 - And you. All grown up. - Getting older. 511 00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:43,500 Are we gonna shag then? 512 00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:48,800 l reckon there's still a few strangers out there in need of a good shafting. 513 00:36:48,900 --> 00:36:50,300 (Laughs) 514 00:36:55,900 --> 00:36:58,300 Obviously it'll have a lounge. 515 00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:02,500 Then it's got two bedrooms where we can have guests staying over. 516 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:05,800 Look, there he is, Nick Tandy. Look at him. 517 00:37:06,900 --> 00:37:10,900 Wait a minute. Any minute now. Here it is. 518 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,500 Best arse on planet Earth. 519 00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:17,300 He was looking at me that night in Via Fossa. 520 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:19,700 You'll be lucky. 521 00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:22,600 Yeah. l might be, yeah. 522 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:27,100 - Where are we going? - l'm going after Nick Tandy. 523 00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:31,100 - What do you mean? - lt's not like we're exclusive or anything. 524 00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:33,800 - lt's not like we're anything. - Since when? 525 00:37:33,900 --> 00:37:36,400 l'm 16 next week. l'm getting old. 526 00:37:36,500 --> 00:37:40,700 l can't waste time hanging around. Look at that arse. lt's new. 527 00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:44,900 - Well, you can fuck off, then! - That's exactly what l'm doing! 528 00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,200 & l need your only kiss 529 00:37:48,300 --> 00:37:49,700 & To keep my heart in bliss 530 00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:53,300 & You make me what l need to be 531 00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:54,900 & Feel the need 532 00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:59,100 & Oh, feel, feel the need in me... & 533 00:38:00,900 --> 00:38:04,500 l'm doing a family meal but he wants a party on Canal Street. 534 00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:07,100 He's inviting the mob from the youth group. 535 00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:10,000 - You've buggered this bike. - Bugger it back. 536 00:38:10,100 --> 00:38:14,900 He's coming round later. Says you know the best places and l know nothing. 537 00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:20,900 - Hello, stranger. - lt's been quite a while. How are you? 538 00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:22,400 Fine! 539 00:38:22,500 --> 00:38:24,400 l haven't seen you for ages. 540 00:38:24,500 --> 00:38:27,900 lt must be, what, six or seven years? 541 00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:29,400 At least. 542 00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:33,600 - l'm not interrupting anything, am l? - No. Thought you'd pop by. 543 00:38:33,700 --> 00:38:35,900 Two more mothers, we'd be selling jam. 544 00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:40,200 Vince must have been, l don't know, 14. 545 00:38:40,300 --> 00:38:42,700 And when did you know about Stuart? 546 00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:44,700 About the same time. 547 00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:46,900 l knew when Nathan was 1 1 . 548 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,200 l did. 549 00:38:49,300 --> 00:38:51,300 When l'm on supply teaching, 550 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:56,200 you to into school and there's a boy just sitting there and it's shining out of him. 551 00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:00,000 Did you never think? 552 00:39:00,100 --> 00:39:02,700 Must've done. l must've. 553 00:39:04,500 --> 00:39:07,400 No. l don't think l did. 554 00:39:07,500 --> 00:39:09,600 Stuart? 555 00:39:09,700 --> 00:39:14,800 Try not to think about the arse thing and you'll be fine. People don't like that. 556 00:39:14,900 --> 00:39:17,800 Well, l'm not trying it again. 557 00:39:17,900 --> 00:39:20,100 The arse thing. 558 00:39:21,300 --> 00:39:23,700 Janice Maloney! 559 00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:26,700 - Not with Roy? - Oh, yes, Mr High-And-Mighty. 560 00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:28,600 l screamed the place down. 561 00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:33,600 l told the neighbours the cat had fallen off the landing and broke his neck. 562 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:40,500 l quite like it myself. You can read a book at the same time. 563 00:39:43,300 --> 00:39:46,600 Well, don't look at me. lt's a foreign language. 564 00:39:46,700 --> 00:39:50,100 There's lots to learn, Margaret. Still... 565 00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:52,400 l've got Stuart to thank for that. 566 00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:55,300 And did, erm... 567 00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:59,700 With Nathan? Yes. 568 00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:01,400 That's nice. 569 00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:05,100 - What does Nathan do? - He's a student. 570 00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,300 Oh. What's he studying? 571 00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:09,100 Your son, mostly. 572 00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:12,700 - (Nathan) Hiya. - Oh, shit, it's like a madhouse in here. 573 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:15,400 l'll tell him to sod off. 574 00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:20,300 lt took ages to get home. The first bus was full and l had to stand on the next. 575 00:40:21,500 --> 00:40:25,300 Have you come to any decisions yet? l think Via Fossa's best. 576 00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:27,600 Look, we're a bit busy in here... 577 00:40:27,700 --> 00:40:29,700 This is Nathan. My son. 578 00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:34,200 lt's his birthday on Friday. We're having a party. 579 00:40:34,300 --> 00:40:35,700 His sixteenth. 580 00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:40,900 (Dog barking) 581 00:40:54,500 --> 00:40:57,700 This lunch thing at your sister's next Sunday, 582 00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:01,300 new house and everything, what with the boys... 583 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,400 - lt's best if you give it a miss. - Fine. 584 00:41:04,500 --> 00:41:07,900 We just think, your mother and l, it'd be best 585 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,000 if you're not there. 586 00:41:10,100 --> 00:41:12,300 She's round at Romey's every other day, 587 00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:15,500 so she gets plenty of chance to see that little man. 588 00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:17,700 So it's just me? 589 00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:22,800 We'll get together next month. All of us. 590 00:41:22,900 --> 00:41:24,700 Just give it a bit of time. 591 00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:26,700 l might be busy. 592 00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:29,100 lt's not as if we see you or anything. 593 00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:34,500 Look, your mother's been all round, she's been visiting... 594 00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:39,000 For God's sake, she's trying to make sense of it and can't. 595 00:41:39,100 --> 00:41:41,100 Tell her to read a book. 596 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:45,100 And she thinks it's all her fault, the way she brought you up. 597 00:41:46,500 --> 00:41:49,100 l told her it just happens. 598 00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:51,300 Some boys grow up to be... 599 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:54,900 bastards. 600 00:41:57,100 --> 00:41:59,100 Well, l'll see myself out. 601 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:10,100 (Alexander) l don't care if he's dying. Who gives a toss? 602 00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,300 (Stuart) You're going to see your father. We're all going. 603 00:42:24,300 --> 00:42:27,800 Sorry we're late. There was this queue by the ring road. 604 00:42:27,900 --> 00:42:29,900 Anyway, thanks for phoning. 605 00:42:31,100 --> 00:42:33,700 - How is he? - Sleeping. 606 00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:35,700 So, what, do you want me to wait? 607 00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:41,300 l thought we could talk. There's a tea bar. A few things to sort out. ln private. 608 00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:52,500 Your father and l talked about this last year. 609 00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:56,500 lf the worst comes to the worst, everything comes to me. 610 00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,700 But there are precedents. 611 00:43:00,100 --> 00:43:02,700 We thought you could sign this. 612 00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:06,200 lt states you won't make a claim for any inheritance. 613 00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:08,400 Jesus. 614 00:43:08,500 --> 00:43:12,500 - l don't want his money. - No problem signing it, then. 615 00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:13,800 There. 616 00:43:13,900 --> 00:43:18,300 Read it first. Get yourself a lawyer. That won't stand up in court. 617 00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:20,600 l don't care. 618 00:43:22,700 --> 00:43:24,600 And...there. 619 00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:28,100 (Pen scratching paper) 620 00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:31,200 There you go. 621 00:43:31,300 --> 00:43:32,700 Thanks, Mum. 622 00:43:36,900 --> 00:43:40,700 There's no need. You got my name. That's it. Done it. 623 00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:43,200 Things to do. Tell him... 624 00:43:43,300 --> 00:43:45,000 Tell him... 625 00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:01,500 What? 626 00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:24,100 Maybe next time. 627 00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:32,700 - There's no point in making it worse. - Coward! 628 00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:43,500 l'd better warn you... 629 00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:45,600 l'm on this medication. 630 00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:50,000 - l'm taking these pills. - What for? 631 00:44:51,100 --> 00:44:53,500 - Me stomach. - That's all right. 632 00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:55,500 Yeah... (Gasping) 633 00:44:56,700 --> 00:44:58,600 But the thing is... 634 00:44:58,700 --> 00:45:00,700 these pills... 635 00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:02,700 (Groans) Oh, God... 636 00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:05,900 They sort of... 637 00:45:07,900 --> 00:45:09,800 Jesus... They do things to me. 638 00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:14,400 They make me... They make me spunk... 639 00:45:15,500 --> 00:45:17,400 They make me spunk... 640 00:45:17,500 --> 00:45:19,500 (Gasping) Me spunk... 641 00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:27,400 Orange. 642 00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:34,200 l'll just go give 'em a brush, l had garlic bread. 643 00:45:35,300 --> 00:45:39,300 - Shall l go through? - Oh, living room on the left, 644 00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:41,900 bedroom on the right. 645 00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:44,000 Don't be long. 646 00:45:50,100 --> 00:45:52,000 (Retches) 647 00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:56,900 (Retches) 648 00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:01,400 - You all right? - Oh, fine, thanks. 649 00:46:02,300 --> 00:46:05,500 Can't stand toothbrushes. Sorry. 650 00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:07,900 (Retches) Horrible things. 651 00:46:09,700 --> 00:46:12,000 Oh, my God, is that the time? 652 00:46:18,100 --> 00:46:20,600 - l'd better go. - ln a minute. 653 00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:28,300 Really, l'd better go. 654 00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:30,900 Oh, come on. 655 00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:32,300 (Horn honks) 656 00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:35,500 lt's three in the morning! The entire street wakes up. 657 00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:38,300 - ls that it? - lt was so loud! 658 00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:40,300 And that's the punch line? 659 00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:43,100 - That is pathetic. - lt was brilliant! 660 00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:47,500 All these people looking out and l'm there snogging this bloke! 661 00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:50,400 - That's not a story. - He gets Toothbrush Man 662 00:46:50,500 --> 00:46:54,100 l get a man with spunk like a Tellytubby and you haven't even started. 663 00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:57,800 - So young. - He gave me his phone number. 664 00:46:57,900 --> 00:47:02,200 D'you think l should phone him or should l wait for him to phone me? 665 00:47:02,300 --> 00:47:04,100 How should l know? 666 00:47:04,200 --> 00:47:07,600 - He's never phoned anyone. - You know how it works. 667 00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:10,500 - Problem page, ''Dear Stuart...'' - Shut up. 668 00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:13,000 Wise old man, that's you. 669 00:47:13,100 --> 00:47:16,300 - You're so not funny. - Look, he's pissed off. 670 00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:18,500 Look, he's really pissed off! 671 00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:21,500 - Now that's funny. Nice one. - (Both laugh) 672 00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:23,800 Look at his face! 673 00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,200 (Laughter) 674 00:47:30,300 --> 00:47:32,500 - Me too. - Good luck then. 675 00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:36,000 And you. May the best ''man''... and all that. 676 00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:40,900 Guess what he's done. 677 00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:44,700 He's gone and bought shares in the company! 300 quids' worth! 678 00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:48,800 And he just happened to tell that Mrs Fletcher - in passing. 679 00:47:48,900 --> 00:47:53,500 - He's fighting dirty, Vince. - l don't care. l'm gonna get that job. 680 00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:55,900 (Bernard) Don't you know the colour? 681 00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:59,100 (Hazel) lt's got a Virgin Mary on the dashboard. 682 00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:01,600 lf Vince finds out he'll murder you. 683 00:48:01,700 --> 00:48:04,400 We need this promotion more than he does. 684 00:48:04,500 --> 00:48:07,500 lf you spent more money on rent and less on rent boys... 685 00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:09,700 That's the one! 686 00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:12,400 Bless the Catholic boy. 687 00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:14,200 Ready? 688 00:48:15,300 --> 00:48:17,400 (Alarm honking) 689 00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,500 - Graham? - Mm? 690 00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:23,100 lt's your car, the alarm's gone off. 691 00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:26,500 - (Alarm honking) - Here he is! 692 00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:33,500 - Did you get it? - Shit and buggery! 693 00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:37,200 (Hazel) What happened? (Bernard) l don't know. 694 00:48:37,300 --> 00:48:40,100 He's going to do it again! Give it here! 695 00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:42,800 - (Alarm beeps) - Yes! 696 00:48:50,300 --> 00:48:52,600 lf this doesn't work, leg it. 697 00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:03,300 - Nice work, Mrs Peel. - Thank you, Steed. 698 00:49:05,500 --> 00:49:07,200 Stage two. 699 00:49:07,300 --> 00:49:10,500 - There's nothing about websites. - Exactly! 700 00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:15,100 lf they upgraded their streaming media they could whip Tesco's. 701 00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:19,100 l'm only head of personnel, you should see the duty manager. 702 00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:23,400 - Two minutes, that's all l need. - ..the hypermarket at 1 7�/o... 703 00:49:23,500 --> 00:49:28,500 Trolleys everywhere. lf we'd crashed - there could've been children! 704 00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:31,100 l'm very sorry, l can only apologise, 705 00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:33,200 - Mrs...? - Peel. 706 00:49:33,300 --> 00:49:35,200 l'll have a word with the staff... 707 00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:40,700 Thank you for alerting me to the problem. 708 00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:45,400 Well, l won't take it further but my husband's very upset. 709 00:49:45,500 --> 00:49:47,700 - Aren't you, Bernard? - Oh, aye. 710 00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:59,600 Off you go, Magda wants the porn back. She's having a party. 711 00:50:00,700 --> 00:50:03,900 You both did very well but there's only one job, 712 00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:07,400 - it's a shame you can't both succeed. - Absolutely. 713 00:50:07,500 --> 00:50:09,600 Yeah, pity. l'd better, erm... 714 00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:19,300 You got it then? Well? 715 00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:23,800 He's got it! 716 00:50:23,900 --> 00:50:25,300 (Both yelling excitedly) 717 00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:35,100 ln five years you'll be manager - how boring is that? 718 00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:37,700 - Oi! - (Stuart) We should celebrate. 719 00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:40,800 Hey, Nathan, have you ever done a threesome? 720 00:50:40,900 --> 00:50:45,100 No. l got asked by this couple in London but they were both ugly. 721 00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:47,400 D'you fancy giving it a go? 722 00:50:47,500 --> 00:50:48,900 Yeah. 723 00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:52,500 Right, then, off we go. Us three. 724 00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:56,500 - ln your dreams. - You'd do it? Part of your education. 725 00:50:57,400 --> 00:50:59,600 - l don't mind. - Would you hell. 726 00:50:59,700 --> 00:51:02,900 - l'm up for anything. - The perfect threesome. 727 00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:06,800 - l'd rather have a wank. - You, me and Nathan. 728 00:51:06,900 --> 00:51:11,100 (Laughs) That'd be so brilliant! 729 00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:14,000 l'd just go for it, yeah? 730 00:51:15,100 --> 00:51:19,000 See, that's the problem with Vince. He doesn't want sex... 731 00:51:19,100 --> 00:51:21,100 he wants a wife! 732 00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:26,100 Listen, whoever ends up with me, he's a very lucky man. 733 00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:27,900 God help him. 734 00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:32,100 - What's all this in aid of? - You're not a good catch, are you? 735 00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:35,500 - l suppose you are? - No one's gonna catch me. 736 00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:42,600 So, er, how many men have you had now? 737 00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:45,100 Dunno. About...seven? 738 00:51:45,200 --> 00:51:49,400 - Seven. l must've had about 2,007. - Yeah? 739 00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:53,500 That means l've got 2,000 to go. 740 00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:55,800 How many have you got left? 741 00:52:00,900 --> 00:52:02,700 (School bell) 742 00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:07,100 - Oi, Nathan, is it your birthday? - What if it is? 743 00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:10,200 - You havin' a party? - None of your business. 744 00:52:10,300 --> 00:52:13,600 ls it on Canal Street with all your queer friends? 745 00:52:13,700 --> 00:52:16,800 l've seen him, it's where he goes. Queer Street. 746 00:52:16,900 --> 00:52:21,000 He's been watchin' us in the showers. Tossin' himself off. 747 00:52:21,100 --> 00:52:23,400 l'd sooner toss myself off a cliff. 748 00:52:23,500 --> 00:52:27,100 Oh, you want some of this? Come on AlDS boy, suck me off. 749 00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:30,400 - He's got a stiffy. - You'd know all about that. 750 00:52:30,500 --> 00:52:34,400 He fancies me. Sir, Nathan Maloney fancies me! Tell him! 751 00:52:34,500 --> 00:52:38,900 - He's a poof, sir. A queer. - That's a fact, sir. Keeps on lookin'. 752 00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:42,200 He fancies us. Look in his bag, he's got lipstick. 753 00:52:42,300 --> 00:52:45,500 - Piss off! - Nathan, enough of that language. 754 00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:47,800 Me? What about them? 755 00:52:47,900 --> 00:52:49,800 l said, that's enough! 756 00:52:52,000 --> 00:52:53,900 He's a faggot, man. 757 00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:57,000 Queer. 758 00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:05,500 (Janice) He sent you a card. He never remembers my birthday. 759 00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:08,500 ls that all l get, a card? Off my own father? 760 00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:10,500 l'll give him a ring tomorrow. 761 00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:13,500 He might have put some money in your bank account. 762 00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:15,500 Bet he hasn't though. 763 00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:18,600 - Hiya! - Happy birthday. That's from us. 764 00:53:18,700 --> 00:53:23,900 You've got to say 18 - if they find out l'm 16 they'll chuck us out. 765 00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:26,300 lt's Nathan's night - someone has to lie. 766 00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:28,700 Hey, there's food. l'm starving. 767 00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:32,500 l bet it's all meat. l was tricked into a Twiglet yesterday. 768 00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:35,100 You don't have to stand there all night. 769 00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:43,500 Amaretto, this'll put us in the mood. l found it in my clothes. 770 00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:46,700 Go and enjoy yourselves, l'll be baby-sitting. 771 00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:50,100 Bring him, it's a kid's party - jelly and ice cream. 772 00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:54,100 Pass the parcel in Via Fossa - good few packages in there. 773 00:53:55,300 --> 00:53:57,800 - Want one? - l'm not drinking. 774 00:53:57,900 --> 00:54:02,400 Sod it, let's not go. Take him back to the lesbians and go to Poptastic. 775 00:54:02,500 --> 00:54:04,700 - (Doorbell) - That's for me. 776 00:54:04,800 --> 00:54:07,700 Vincent Tyler's taking charge - deputy manager. 777 00:54:07,800 --> 00:54:10,700 He's power mad. He's blockaded the SuperNoodles. 778 00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:12,800 lt's the most boring job in the world. 779 00:54:14,100 --> 00:54:18,100 - Somebody call an ambulance? - lt's me. l've got the bottle. 780 00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:20,900 l only took 'em ten minutes ago. 781 00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:25,400 - l had a Kit Kat, does that count? - Right, let's get you seen to. 782 00:54:25,500 --> 00:54:27,900 - You walking all right? - Yeah, l'm fine. 783 00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:32,700 - What you doing? - l'm a twat, l'm sorry. l'll be fine. 784 00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:35,700 - (Woman) You coming with him? - What's this? 785 00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:39,000 Just sod off, go to the party. l'm sorry, OK? 786 00:54:39,100 --> 00:54:41,900 - He's gone and done it again. - You twat! 787 00:54:42,000 --> 00:54:44,000 - l know! - Are you coming? 788 00:54:44,100 --> 00:54:46,700 Like l've got a choice. 789 00:54:55,300 --> 00:54:57,600 Stupid fucking cunt. 790 00:54:58,700 --> 00:55:00,600 (Crying) 791 00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:05,400 Where we going? 792 00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:10,200 Let's tell his mother the good news. 793 00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:13,500 Hiya! l'm here. 794 00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:17,100 - Hello, Bernie. - Sorry, the others got held up. 795 00:55:17,200 --> 00:55:20,800 My fault, l was shaving me back and they all joined in. 796 00:55:20,900 --> 00:55:23,200 And Alexander got called into work. 797 00:55:23,300 --> 00:55:27,400 Here you go - didn't have time to wrap it but happy birthday. 798 00:55:27,500 --> 00:55:29,500 Thanks. Was Stuart there? 799 00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:31,900 l think so. Any money behind the bar? 800 00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:37,000 Just say you're with Nathan's party. Only wines and beers, though. 801 00:55:37,100 --> 00:55:39,100 l've got a watch. 802 00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:42,100 - Hiya! - Who's that? 803 00:55:42,200 --> 00:55:44,200 Stuart's secretary. 804 00:55:44,300 --> 00:55:48,000 Oh, right. Sends his secretary, that's nice of him. 805 00:55:48,100 --> 00:55:50,400 Maybe he'll appear by satellite link. 806 00:55:55,100 --> 00:55:58,800 - Hiya. ls Stuart coming? - l'd be the last to know. 807 00:55:58,900 --> 00:56:02,300 lf it isn't about his dry-cleaning he tells me sod all. 808 00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:05,000 Yeah, but d'you think he's gonna come? 809 00:56:05,100 --> 00:56:07,800 Not if he's found something better, no. 810 00:56:10,100 --> 00:56:12,000 You don't even like him! 811 00:56:15,500 --> 00:56:17,400 Don't. 812 00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:22,300 Let's go home. 813 00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:24,700 - Come with me. - Does she deserve it? 814 00:56:26,700 --> 00:56:29,600 - You'll make it worse. - Does she deserve it? 815 00:56:29,700 --> 00:56:31,400 You can't! 816 00:56:32,300 --> 00:56:33,900 Watch me. 817 00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:38,300 Yeah. You'd like that. 818 00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:42,300 l've spent years watching you. 819 00:56:45,300 --> 00:56:46,700 Coward. 820 00:56:49,300 --> 00:56:51,100 Coward! 821 00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:10,600 l've got a message from your son. 822 00:57:10,700 --> 00:57:14,400 l'd appreciate it if you didn't come to my house. 823 00:57:14,500 --> 00:57:18,300 l don't think we've got anything to say to each other. 824 00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:20,100 Just one thing. 825 00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:23,900 Bang! 826 00:58:09,500 --> 00:58:12,000 (& Geri Halliwell: Mi Chico Latino) 827 00:58:15,200 --> 00:58:18,400 Vince! Don't tell me, Stuart hasn't bothered. 828 00:58:18,500 --> 00:58:19,800 No. 829 00:58:19,900 --> 00:58:23,300 Yes. He's upstairs. He's just gone to Manto's. 830 00:58:23,400 --> 00:58:27,300 l was with him. He's coming back. Er, but he was here. 831 00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:29,600 Yeah, l bet. Jimmy! 832 00:58:35,900 --> 00:58:38,200 Party face on. 833 00:58:40,200 --> 00:58:43,100 (& Shaft: Mucho Mambo) 834 00:58:46,500 --> 00:58:49,000 - You're late! Got me a present? - No. 835 00:58:49,100 --> 00:58:51,200 Get me a mobile phone if you want. 836 00:58:51,300 --> 00:58:54,300 & Hold me close, sway me more 837 00:58:55,300 --> 00:58:58,400 & When marimba rhythms start to play 838 00:58:58,500 --> 00:59:01,900 & Dance with me, make me sway... & 839 00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:05,100 Bang! 840 00:59:07,600 --> 00:59:09,500 Oh, shit. 841 00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:11,300 Come back to mine. 842 00:59:12,400 --> 00:59:14,300 (Sighs) 843 00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:19,500 - l'll stay with Mum. She's worn out. - Both come. Both come back. 844 00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:25,300 She deserved it. 845 00:59:25,400 --> 00:59:29,900 l know! But tell her to fuck off! You're always telling them to fuck off! 846 00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:32,300 - lt's not enough any more. - lt is! 847 00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:37,000 You can't go and... There's people relying on me - Mum and that house! 848 00:59:37,100 --> 00:59:42,100 l end up paying the mortgage every other month - they don't earn tuppence! 849 00:59:42,200 --> 00:59:44,000 You're on your own. 850 00:59:44,100 --> 00:59:47,300 Suits me. You're just straight, Vince. 851 00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:51,000 You're a straight man who fucks men, that's all. 852 01:00:04,300 --> 01:00:06,200 (Man) Night, Arnie. See ya! 853 01:01:00,100 --> 01:01:02,000 Sorry. 854 01:01:05,200 --> 01:01:07,300 (Teacher) Abbott. (Boy) Here. 855 01:01:07,400 --> 01:01:09,800 - Baxter. - Here. 856 01:01:09,900 --> 01:01:12,300 - Collins. - Here. 857 01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:14,300 - Davis. - Here. 858 01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:18,300 Nathan, what time do you call this? 859 01:01:21,200 --> 01:01:24,300 One minute past nine, sir. Why? 860 01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:28,200 - Cos you're late, that's why! - How was the party? 861 01:01:28,300 --> 01:01:32,200 - Did you get it up your arse? - He probably can't sit down. 862 01:01:32,300 --> 01:01:34,800 Party full of queers. Makes me sick. 863 01:01:34,900 --> 01:01:38,700 - All right, settle down. Edgar. - (Boy) Here. 864 01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:40,700 - Fraser. - Here. 865 01:01:40,800 --> 01:01:42,700 - Hobbs. - Here. 866 01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:44,600 - Johnson. - Here. 867 01:01:44,700 --> 01:01:46,500 - Jones. - Here. 868 01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:48,400 - Maloney. - Queer. 869 01:01:48,500 --> 01:01:50,300 (Laughter) 870 01:01:52,700 --> 01:01:55,400 - l beg your pardon? - l said ''queer''. 871 01:01:55,500 --> 01:01:58,500 - l'm aware of that. - Oh. That's a miracle. 872 01:01:58,600 --> 01:02:01,300 Cos they say it and you don't hear a thing. 873 01:02:01,400 --> 01:02:04,600 - l don't like your tone. - l don't like yours. 874 01:02:04,700 --> 01:02:08,600 lf you want to make something out of this, sir, that's fine. 875 01:02:08,700 --> 01:02:10,900 Go on, send me to the headmaster. 876 01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:12,800 l'd love it. 877 01:02:12,900 --> 01:02:14,800 There's plenty l can tell him. 878 01:02:14,900 --> 01:02:19,200 l can get my mother in, she'd love it. She'd love to meet you, sir. 879 01:02:19,300 --> 01:02:23,700 D'you wanna do that? Go on, take it further. 880 01:02:31,800 --> 01:02:34,000 - McVerry. - Here. 881 01:02:34,100 --> 01:02:36,400 - Mulhearn. - Here. 882 01:02:36,500 --> 01:02:38,900 - Nicholls. - Here. 883 01:02:58,800 --> 01:03:02,700 They were just kids. They were running away. 884 01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:05,100 Mrs Perry never saw any kids. 885 01:03:05,200 --> 01:03:09,500 Sweethearts, l can't boil an egg, how the fuck do you blow up a car? 886 01:03:09,600 --> 01:03:12,300 So it was a coincidence, you being there? 887 01:03:12,400 --> 01:03:16,300 You should see my Jeep. You can tell Mrs Perry l'm gonna sue. 888 01:03:16,400 --> 01:03:18,500 She's not keen on pressing charges. 889 01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:22,100 l think there are family things she'd rather not talk about. 890 01:03:22,200 --> 01:03:26,200 - Oh, get her. - lt's not her decision. Criminal damage. 891 01:03:26,300 --> 01:03:28,200 We won't be letting it drop. 892 01:03:28,300 --> 01:03:33,400 Hang on, erm, l better give you my card. lt's got my mobile on it. 893 01:03:33,500 --> 01:03:38,500 l don't think l'm gonna be around much longer, time for a change of scene. 894 01:03:39,700 --> 01:03:42,500 - Anywhere in particular? - London. 895 01:03:42,600 --> 01:03:44,800 The clubs are fab. 896 01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:52,200 (Romey) l've got that project in Brixton, l'm always there. 897 01:03:52,300 --> 01:03:55,400 He'll enjoy it. We'll manage. 898 01:03:57,600 --> 01:03:59,800 So what's brought all this about? 899 01:03:59,900 --> 01:04:02,000 Big fish in a small pond. 900 01:04:04,500 --> 01:04:06,500 lt's so small. 901 01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:11,700 l'm friends with a sixteen-year-old boy. lt's time to leave. 902 01:04:11,800 --> 01:04:16,600 Vince could get transferred. He could afford London - he's on a good wage. 903 01:04:16,700 --> 01:04:21,600 He'd just hold me back. Standing there, disapproving. 904 01:04:21,700 --> 01:04:25,900 - And you love it. - l've got things l wanna do. 905 01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:28,800 And he's just...he's not... he's not good enough! 906 01:04:28,900 --> 01:04:32,700 Oh, you've argued again. You two are like a married couple. 907 01:04:32,800 --> 01:04:35,500 - We're not shagging. - That's marriage. 908 01:04:35,600 --> 01:04:37,600 Another reason to go. 909 01:04:37,700 --> 01:04:41,300 l bet he moves to London. What's he said? 910 01:04:44,800 --> 01:04:46,800 Go on, what's he said? 911 01:04:51,100 --> 01:04:54,600 Oh, for Christ's sake, you haven't even told him? 912 01:04:54,700 --> 01:04:56,700 (Raucous laughter) 913 01:04:56,800 --> 01:05:00,600 (Alexander) ''..that's a funny bed bath, what sort of nurse are you?'' 914 01:05:00,700 --> 01:05:03,300 He says, ''Nurse? l work in the tuck shop!'' 915 01:05:04,500 --> 01:05:08,600 - George Sapieka went to hospital... - Not this one! Give up! 916 01:05:08,700 --> 01:05:11,400 & Don't you know it's true what they say 917 01:05:11,500 --> 01:05:13,700 & That life, it ain't easy 918 01:05:13,800 --> 01:05:16,800 & But your time's coming around 919 01:05:16,900 --> 01:05:19,000 & So don't you stop trying... & 920 01:05:19,100 --> 01:05:22,900 - Evening. - Evening. Two gin and tonics, please. 921 01:05:24,900 --> 01:05:28,100 - You going out clubbing? - Why do you wanna know? 922 01:05:28,200 --> 01:05:30,100 Just keeping tabs on my son. 923 01:05:30,200 --> 01:05:33,700 lf you're going clubbing, Nathan's going clubbing. 924 01:05:33,800 --> 01:05:37,400 His master's voice. Don't know what he sees in you. 925 01:05:38,100 --> 01:05:39,700 Yeah, you do. 926 01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:43,200 lt's not what l call a hairstyle. And as for the walk. 927 01:05:43,300 --> 01:05:46,200 - Thank you. - Pleasure. 928 01:05:46,900 --> 01:05:51,200 Still, time was Nathan thought you were boyfriend material. 929 01:05:51,300 --> 01:05:54,000 Now you're better than that - you're God. 930 01:05:54,100 --> 01:05:56,400 What am l supposed to do about that? 931 01:05:56,500 --> 01:05:59,900 - Leave? - Don't you dare, he'll only follow. 932 01:06:00,000 --> 01:06:02,800 And he's done enough running away. 933 01:06:02,900 --> 01:06:04,800 Thanks for the drinks. 934 01:06:04,900 --> 01:06:07,400 Pleasure. 935 01:06:07,500 --> 01:06:10,000 & But your time's coming around 936 01:06:10,100 --> 01:06:11,900 & So don't you stop trying 937 01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:13,500 & Don't stop, never give up & 938 01:06:27,700 --> 01:06:29,800 Never did give you that present. 939 01:06:32,600 --> 01:06:35,300 l'll have a mobile phone. 940 01:06:36,400 --> 01:06:38,700 Hmm. l can do better than that. 941 01:06:50,100 --> 01:06:52,500 (Both breathing heavily) 942 01:06:54,100 --> 01:06:56,800 - 16... - Shut up. 943 01:07:02,600 --> 01:07:04,700 Oh, don't...don't... 944 01:07:04,800 --> 01:07:06,800 Oh, fuck... 945 01:07:18,500 --> 01:07:20,000 Sorry. 946 01:07:20,100 --> 01:07:21,900 lt's OK. 947 01:07:23,400 --> 01:07:26,900 - Do you want me to finish you off? - No, it's all right. 948 01:07:29,400 --> 01:07:32,600 Anyway, the night's still young. 949 01:07:32,700 --> 01:07:34,900 l'm really sorry. 950 01:07:45,400 --> 01:07:49,700 & l don't know what l'd do if you ever left me 951 01:07:49,800 --> 01:07:52,600 & Tell me how would l make it 952 01:07:52,700 --> 01:07:57,300 & l don't know what l'd do if you ever left me 953 01:07:57,400 --> 01:08:00,900 & My heart couldn't take it... & 954 01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:04,600 Nathan, l'm off home. lf you need a lift give me a ring. 955 01:08:04,700 --> 01:08:06,500 Might go to Dante's. 956 01:08:06,600 --> 01:08:09,700 - Course you will. With Stuart. - l don't know. 957 01:08:09,800 --> 01:08:13,300 lt's embarrassing being seen with him all the time. 958 01:08:13,400 --> 01:08:15,900 Up close, he's looking dead old. 959 01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:18,800 He'd kill you for saying that! 960 01:08:18,900 --> 01:08:21,000 He wouldn't have the strength. 961 01:08:21,100 --> 01:08:23,900 Right, Dante's, quick visit? 962 01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:28,900 Ooh, l've not copped off for five weeks - ever since l got contact lenses. 963 01:08:33,500 --> 01:08:36,300 Coming? 964 01:08:36,400 --> 01:08:38,900 Yeah. Yeah, all right. Might as well. 965 01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:43,000 Be bad. 966 01:08:47,100 --> 01:08:50,100 - What am l, charity? - Yeah, erm... 967 01:08:50,200 --> 01:08:53,500 Me and Vince, we were going out one night and... 968 01:08:53,600 --> 01:08:57,300 - robbed a tenner from your purse. - You cheeky sods! 969 01:08:57,400 --> 01:09:00,300 Hang on, when were you last short of a tenner? 970 01:09:01,200 --> 01:09:04,100 (& Urban Cookie Collective: The Key: The Secret) 971 01:09:09,600 --> 01:09:13,400 The sad twat's wearing cheesecloth. ls cheesecloth back? 972 01:09:13,500 --> 01:09:16,500 Never went away, disguised itself as linen. 973 01:09:16,600 --> 01:09:20,100 Steven Polack! He was after me last Mardi Gras! 974 01:09:20,200 --> 01:09:22,200 He tried to snog me. l'm in there. 975 01:09:31,600 --> 01:09:34,500 l should go. Big meeting tomorrow. 976 01:09:35,600 --> 01:09:38,400 l'm up early. Got to go to London. 977 01:09:40,600 --> 01:09:43,400 He's in. l hate seeing him. 978 01:09:43,500 --> 01:09:48,300 First time here he was a kid. Then he got all muscles, then he went mad. 979 01:09:48,400 --> 01:09:50,900 He's been with that bloke five years now. 980 01:09:51,000 --> 01:09:53,700 Never said a word. We nod. 981 01:09:53,800 --> 01:09:56,300 - l've had him. - You've had 'em all. 982 01:09:56,400 --> 01:09:59,800 - Been here far too long. - Telling me. 983 01:09:59,900 --> 01:10:01,800 Oh, God, they're all in! 984 01:10:01,900 --> 01:10:05,600 There's Colin - l had him that last night at Flesh. 985 01:10:05,700 --> 01:10:09,000 (Laughs) Oh, God. l had that suit. 986 01:10:09,100 --> 01:10:12,000 l liked that suit. You looked good. 987 01:10:17,000 --> 01:10:18,900 Didn't half wanna shag you. 988 01:10:27,700 --> 01:10:30,200 Long time ago. 989 01:10:30,300 --> 01:10:32,200 l should go. 990 01:10:34,800 --> 01:10:36,700 But then again... 991 01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:38,800 One last fling. 992 01:10:38,900 --> 01:10:41,200 Good luck. Not that you'll need it. 993 01:10:46,100 --> 01:10:48,000 (Vince laughs) 994 01:10:59,400 --> 01:11:02,900 Do you remember that little friend of his? That girl? 995 01:11:03,000 --> 01:11:05,900 - Yeah. - He didn't need her in the end. 996 01:11:06,000 --> 01:11:08,800 His best friend and he didn't need her. 997 01:11:08,900 --> 01:11:10,800 Clever boy. 998 01:11:15,900 --> 01:11:18,400 l'm off. London calling. 999 01:11:19,900 --> 01:11:22,300 - London? - Yeah. 1000 01:11:23,800 --> 01:11:25,800 Been here far too long. 1001 01:11:28,200 --> 01:11:30,500 Still, we've had a laugh. 1002 01:11:31,400 --> 01:11:33,000 And the rest. 1003 01:11:35,000 --> 01:11:37,900 - See you then. - Not if l see you first. 1004 01:11:38,000 --> 01:11:41,100 & l've got the key, l've got the secret 1005 01:11:41,200 --> 01:11:44,600 & l've got the key to another way 1006 01:11:44,700 --> 01:11:46,000 & l've got the key... & 1007 01:11:47,000 --> 01:11:49,700 Fat Daniel said that Raymondo's back in town. 1008 01:11:49,800 --> 01:11:53,300 - Hm? - Hypothermia my arse. 1009 01:11:53,400 --> 01:11:56,000 l don't think he's even got a mother. 1010 01:11:57,000 --> 01:11:59,200 This tea tastes like fish. 1011 01:11:59,300 --> 01:12:01,100 Who's on GMTV? 1012 01:12:01,200 --> 01:12:06,000 Kriss Akabusi. lf l had a pound for every time that man laughed... 1013 01:12:07,100 --> 01:12:10,200 You see, l preferred it when it was TV-AM. 1014 01:12:13,200 --> 01:12:17,400 Wincey Willis. l wonder what happened to her... 1015 01:12:17,500 --> 01:12:20,400 Ooh, Treasure Hunt, Anneka Rice... 1016 01:12:25,400 --> 01:12:27,500 Hello, Stuart Jones's office. 1017 01:12:27,600 --> 01:12:30,700 - 'Sandra, it's Hazel.' - l'll have to stop that. 1018 01:12:30,800 --> 01:12:33,600 lt's not his office. l was gonna phone you. 1019 01:12:33,700 --> 01:12:36,600 'lt's about Vince - tell him to keep in touch. 1020 01:12:36,700 --> 01:12:38,700 'He's still got some of my CDs.' 1021 01:12:38,800 --> 01:12:41,000 Oh, l bet he's gonna miss him. 1022 01:12:41,100 --> 01:12:43,100 - Miss who? - Stuart. 1023 01:12:45,300 --> 01:12:47,300 Sell it. 1024 01:12:49,400 --> 01:12:53,100 Sally, did you read the memo about wasting company time? 1025 01:12:53,200 --> 01:12:54,600 Sorry. 1026 01:12:54,700 --> 01:12:56,200 Coffee? 1027 01:12:57,300 --> 01:12:58,300 (Beeps) 1028 01:12:59,600 --> 01:13:03,700 'Hiya, this is Vince, sorry, l can't take your call right now.' 1029 01:13:11,200 --> 01:13:13,200 (Phone) 1030 01:13:17,100 --> 01:13:20,800 - Yes, can l help you? - l need to speak to Vincent Tyler. 1031 01:13:20,900 --> 01:13:23,700 - 'He's in a meeting.' - lt's urgent. 1032 01:13:23,800 --> 01:13:27,000 - Could you tell him it's his mother. - Mrs Tyler? 1033 01:13:27,100 --> 01:13:30,100 - 'Yes, that's right.' - The famous Mrs Tyler. 1034 01:13:30,200 --> 01:13:34,500 Mrs Tyler, could l ask you, were you in this store on the 14th? 1035 01:13:35,800 --> 01:13:39,100 Look, whoever you are, l've got to speak to Vince. 1036 01:13:39,200 --> 01:13:43,300 And did you have a meeting with the head of personnel on the 14th 1037 01:13:43,400 --> 01:13:46,800 because l'd like to know what happened on that day. 1038 01:13:46,900 --> 01:13:48,300 Bernie! 1039 01:13:48,400 --> 01:13:52,300 - Let me get me trousers on! - What for? Who's looking? 1040 01:13:52,400 --> 01:13:55,000 Fly, my pretties! Fly! 1041 01:13:57,100 --> 01:13:59,500 Sorry, it's compulsory. 1042 01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:04,500 Supervisor Delicatessen becomes Front Line Manager Delicatessen. 1043 01:14:04,600 --> 01:14:09,000 Assistant Supervisors become Assistant Front Line Managers. 1044 01:14:09,100 --> 01:14:10,800 (Clears throat) 1045 01:14:11,800 --> 01:14:15,700 Right, l know it's a pain but there's a good reason 1046 01:14:15,800 --> 01:14:18,100 cos all the Front Line Managers 1047 01:14:18,200 --> 01:14:21,900 and Assistant Front Line Managers, erm... 1048 01:14:22,000 --> 01:14:26,000 can get six weeks a year in administration. 1049 01:14:28,900 --> 01:14:33,000 Right, so you can choose six weeks in one block, 1050 01:14:33,100 --> 01:14:36,300 two blocks of three weeks or three blocks of two. 1051 01:14:36,400 --> 01:14:37,700 Nathan! 1052 01:14:39,800 --> 01:14:42,800 - Telephone. Says it's urgent. - Who is it? 1053 01:14:44,300 --> 01:14:49,400 Call yourself a gay man? There's a great big palaver and you're missing it! 1054 01:14:54,600 --> 01:14:59,300 We're still gonna do individual product promotion - the lPP scheme - 1055 01:14:59,400 --> 01:15:05,900 but from now on you're responsible for finding your own individual product. 1056 01:15:08,100 --> 01:15:11,700 And we need your name and chosen product... 1057 01:15:12,800 --> 01:15:15,500 so that goes to the Front Line Manager... 1058 01:15:17,000 --> 01:15:18,900 by Thursday. 1059 01:15:21,100 --> 01:15:24,400 Right, erm... Oh, l've said that already. 1060 01:15:24,500 --> 01:15:27,100 Chosen product to Line... 1061 01:15:27,200 --> 01:15:31,300 lf you could finish we've got a store to run. Thank you, Vince. 1062 01:15:33,400 --> 01:15:35,300 lt's Mrs Peel, isn't it? 1063 01:15:35,400 --> 01:15:40,500 - l think you'll find that's Mrs Tyler. - lt's Tyler-Peel. We're from Cheshire. 1064 01:15:40,600 --> 01:15:44,100 - Sorry, i-it's my mother. - lt's a real emergency. 1065 01:15:44,200 --> 01:15:48,100 - l need a word with Vince. - You met this woman on the 14th... 1066 01:15:48,200 --> 01:15:51,300 - Graham, sit down. - The day of the interview. 1067 01:15:51,400 --> 01:15:55,600 - Stuart's leaving, not coming back. - l know, l'm not stupid. 1068 01:15:55,700 --> 01:16:00,700 - He's going to London! - lt's about time he did! Leave it... 1069 01:16:00,800 --> 01:16:05,500 - Vince, l'd like a word. - Something happened on the 14th. 1070 01:16:05,600 --> 01:16:08,500 l demand that you talk to this...creature. 1071 01:16:08,600 --> 01:16:11,100 Oi! That's my mother. 1072 01:16:11,200 --> 01:16:13,400 And that's your problem, Vince. 1073 01:16:13,500 --> 01:16:16,900 Graham, as a friend of mine is very fond of saying... 1074 01:16:17,000 --> 01:16:21,000 - fuck off! - (Graham) Ohh! That's nice! 1075 01:16:21,100 --> 01:16:24,600 That's how the deputy manager reacts - listen to that. 1076 01:16:24,700 --> 01:16:27,500 A fine family, all of 'em. 1077 01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:29,400 You know what? 1078 01:16:29,500 --> 01:16:31,300 He's right. 1079 01:16:31,400 --> 01:16:33,700 Fuck off isn't enough. 1080 01:16:33,800 --> 01:16:35,700 - Marcie. - Yes, sir? 1081 01:16:35,800 --> 01:16:39,400 The floor's yours and the subject is Christmas '99. 1082 01:16:41,600 --> 01:16:44,600 Thank you, Mr Chairman. Right, point of order, 1083 01:16:44,700 --> 01:16:49,000 if Graham Beck is so keen on the truth why doesn't he tell his fianc�e 1084 01:16:49,100 --> 01:16:52,700 that Christmas '99 he shagged me in refrigeration? 1085 01:16:52,800 --> 01:16:55,700 - l knew it! - lt felt like refrigeration. 1086 01:16:55,800 --> 01:16:58,500 - l did not - l swear to God. - Small dick! 1087 01:16:58,600 --> 01:17:00,700 That's him! Come here, bastard! 1088 01:17:00,800 --> 01:17:04,900 (Claire) Sit down! (Marcie) And Vanessa - she's had him. 1089 01:17:05,000 --> 01:17:06,400 Bang. 1090 01:17:16,300 --> 01:17:18,500 Vince?! Where are you going? 1091 01:17:18,600 --> 01:17:19,900 London. 1092 01:17:20,000 --> 01:17:22,100 Oh, my God, l'm going to London! 1093 01:17:22,200 --> 01:17:24,100 See ya! 1094 01:17:26,300 --> 01:17:29,100 Out the way, l'm driving! You're too slow. 1095 01:17:29,200 --> 01:17:31,100 You haven't passed your test! 1096 01:17:31,200 --> 01:17:33,100 That's why l'm not slow! 1097 01:17:37,700 --> 01:17:40,400 - (Bernard) Oi! - Excess baggage! 1098 01:17:50,700 --> 01:17:53,600 (& Colonel Bogey played on kazoos) 1099 01:17:57,700 --> 01:18:00,100 (Hazel) Come on, what's going on?! 1100 01:18:03,100 --> 01:18:07,500 - How long is this gonna be? - Just take it easy. 1101 01:18:07,600 --> 01:18:09,500 Crikey. Mate, back up! 1102 01:18:09,600 --> 01:18:11,500 - l can't! - Back up! 1103 01:18:11,600 --> 01:18:14,800 - l can't! - Who the fuck invented the kazoo? 1104 01:18:16,100 --> 01:18:18,100 Sixteen years, you two. 1105 01:18:19,300 --> 01:18:22,500 - Nathan Maloney was just being born. - (Sighs) 1106 01:18:23,600 --> 01:18:26,800 Remind me again, who was it taught you to drive? 1107 01:18:26,900 --> 01:18:29,800 Stuart Alan Jones. My 40th birthday. 1108 01:18:29,900 --> 01:18:32,700 And how much did you learn? 1109 01:18:32,800 --> 01:18:34,800 l learned the lot. 1110 01:18:34,900 --> 01:18:36,900 Hold it! Hold it! 1111 01:18:37,000 --> 01:18:38,900 (Screaming) 1112 01:18:39,000 --> 01:18:40,400 (Honks horn) 1113 01:18:40,500 --> 01:18:42,300 He's not gay! 1114 01:18:51,500 --> 01:18:53,500 (Siren wailing) 1115 01:19:03,700 --> 01:19:05,700 (Siren winding down) 1116 01:19:07,900 --> 01:19:10,300 l've got to go. l've really got to go! 1117 01:19:10,400 --> 01:19:13,500 No one's going anywhere. Just calm down, sir. 1118 01:19:13,600 --> 01:19:16,300 l was driving! He's done nothing wrong! 1119 01:19:16,400 --> 01:19:20,000 You're in enough trouble, don't add resisting arrest. 1120 01:19:20,100 --> 01:19:23,000 (Policeman) What they saying back at base? 1121 01:19:26,100 --> 01:19:29,100 Never mind him, look after yourself. 1122 01:19:31,700 --> 01:19:35,100 lf l've got to be arrested it might as well be worth it. 1123 01:19:35,200 --> 01:19:37,100 How's that, love? 1124 01:19:38,500 --> 01:19:40,900 - Bloody hell! - Come on, let's have you. 1125 01:19:41,000 --> 01:19:43,800 Run, you daft bastard! 1126 01:19:57,400 --> 01:19:59,700 Nice try. You're not coming. 1127 01:19:59,800 --> 01:20:01,700 l'll do what l like. 1128 01:20:01,800 --> 01:20:03,600 You're not. 1129 01:20:03,700 --> 01:20:08,000 lt'll just be you and me, Stuart and Vince, an old married couple. 1130 01:20:08,100 --> 01:20:11,700 Not a shag in sight. l'm not settling down, ever. 1131 01:20:11,800 --> 01:20:16,300 London though? London's rubbish. Kids go to London. 1132 01:20:16,400 --> 01:20:18,200 Where else is there? 1133 01:20:18,300 --> 01:20:21,400 l'd go out. Straight ahead and out. 1134 01:20:21,500 --> 01:20:25,000 Keep moving. You can't settle down if you don't stop. 1135 01:20:25,100 --> 01:20:29,400 l've been thinking about this for years. Press the button. 1136 01:20:29,500 --> 01:20:32,600 Dematerialise. Step out. New planet. 1137 01:20:33,800 --> 01:20:36,700 Says the supermarket boy. 1138 01:20:36,800 --> 01:20:39,300 l'm on the run - from the police. 1139 01:20:42,200 --> 01:20:44,900 - Don't be so camp. - Watch it. 1140 01:20:45,000 --> 01:20:47,800 - All your dependents of yours. - They'll survive. 1141 01:20:47,900 --> 01:20:49,800 And l won't? 1142 01:20:52,600 --> 01:20:54,300 You might not. 1143 01:20:55,600 --> 01:20:58,700 No passengers. You let me down, l'll kill you. 1144 01:20:58,800 --> 01:21:00,800 Not if l kill you first. 1145 01:21:03,900 --> 01:21:06,100 So what are we waiting for? 1146 01:21:24,200 --> 01:21:27,200 - Happy birthday. - What are you doing? 1147 01:21:27,300 --> 01:21:29,400 - We're off! - Off where? 1148 01:21:29,500 --> 01:21:32,900 Where do you think, young fella me lad? 1149 01:21:33,000 --> 01:21:35,600 lnto the headlines! 1150 01:21:35,700 --> 01:21:38,100 You might finally get that shag. 1151 01:21:38,200 --> 01:21:41,200 Oh, give up, stop chasing me(!) 1152 01:21:41,300 --> 01:21:44,700 - But you're coming back? - What, come back to this? 1153 01:21:44,800 --> 01:21:49,200 The ghetto? Alleyways stinking of piss, beggars in every doorway, 1154 01:21:49,300 --> 01:21:53,000 straights and students coming to look at the freak show? 1155 01:21:53,100 --> 01:21:57,400 All the idiots saving all the stupid money from their stupid jobs 1156 01:21:57,500 --> 01:22:00,100 to shoot their load with some stranger? 1157 01:22:00,200 --> 01:22:03,200 - (Thunder rumbles) - Just you look after it, 1158 01:22:03,300 --> 01:22:05,200 this stupid little street. 1159 01:22:06,100 --> 01:22:08,100 lt's the middle of the world. 1160 01:22:08,200 --> 01:22:11,100 Cos on a street like this, every single night, 1161 01:22:11,200 --> 01:22:15,500 anyone can meet anyone and every night someone meets someone. 1162 01:22:15,600 --> 01:22:17,700 lt's all yours now. 1163 01:22:20,600 --> 01:22:23,500 All of them. All the poofs and all the dykes 1164 01:22:23,600 --> 01:22:25,500 and all the people in between. 1165 01:22:26,600 --> 01:22:29,900 And this lot, they'll shag you, they'll rob you. 1166 01:22:30,000 --> 01:22:34,600 Some of them might even love you. And they'll all forget you in the end. 1167 01:22:34,700 --> 01:22:39,900 - Stick with your friends, you'll be fine. - You fuck it up and l'll come back. 1168 01:23:05,100 --> 01:23:06,400 Oh... 1169 01:23:06,500 --> 01:23:07,600 my... 1170 01:23:07,700 --> 01:23:09,500 God! 1171 01:23:56,500 --> 01:23:58,700 - Faggots. - Excuse me? 1172 01:23:59,800 --> 01:24:01,700 What did you say? 1173 01:24:02,800 --> 01:24:04,600 You heard me. 1174 01:24:04,700 --> 01:24:08,400 Cos l better warn you, my friend's got a hell of a temper. 1175 01:24:08,500 --> 01:24:12,000 Once he's off. So...what did you say? 1176 01:24:13,000 --> 01:24:15,000 l said... 1177 01:24:16,700 --> 01:24:18,500 Faggots. 1178 01:24:18,600 --> 01:24:20,500 What do you think? 1179 01:24:25,800 --> 01:24:27,200 Blood. 1180 01:24:45,600 --> 01:24:47,400 Hold on a tick. 1181 01:24:47,500 --> 01:24:50,700 Bit deaf, mate - too many nights out clubbing. 1182 01:24:50,800 --> 01:24:54,600 So, one more time, what did you say? 1183 01:24:56,900 --> 01:24:58,400 Nothin'. 1184 01:24:58,500 --> 01:25:01,300 And one more word, beginning with ''S''. 1185 01:25:03,200 --> 01:25:04,400 Sorry. 1186 01:25:15,300 --> 01:25:17,200 Maybe next time. 1187 01:25:18,300 --> 01:25:20,300 Fuck off. 91190