Original subtitles

-We'll have to try this again. -Yeah, yeah.

But give me 10 minutes.

Or maybe 15.

Give me two days and there won't be a problem.

Are you going home?

No, I was going to the bathroom.

Yeah, sure.

You can go whenever you want to, hey?

I'm feel great being here with you.

Put something on though?

To go to the bathroom?

Yeah, I mean just a sheet or something.

Like the girls do in the films, just slip something on.

It's so you don't see anything. But you have seen all of me.

Yes, yes, but it's to preserve the mystery.

Jesus, what are you doing here?

Can you explain this?

Well, when a man and a woman love each other a lot,

it doesn't even have to be a man and a woman, I mean, when

two people love each other, and maybe not all that much,

it might be that they love each a wee bit, you know?

Well, they like each other and suddenly start to kiss

and, sometimes, without kisses,

-they get into bed... -Dad,

I know where babies come from, just tell me why you're with her.

Trying to have a relationship, isn't that what you wanted?

Yes, but with someone who is going to be my mother and it's not her.

Well, at least you lasted until the third date.

Normally, they dump me earlier.

You are all the same, right? We don't like fatties.

It's not because you're fat.

It's the way you are, I swear.

Really, just that I can't get on with you.

How come? Everyone loves a fatty.

The fatty business isn't important.

Didn't you suggest I went on a diet on the first date.

Yeah, so I could dump you without you thinking it was cos you're fat.

So, I've been detoxing on juice for three weeks for nothing.

I haven't even touched the olives.

There's no need to look at me, that way, it hurts me too.

César!

Are you okay?

Breathe!

Breathe!

Breathe! Please!

Relax, leave it to me. Let's see.

Oh!

-Are you okay? -Yes.

Thanks.

It's necessary to chew 40 times before swallowing.

I'm going to...

-The bathroom? -To eat a hamburger.

As for you, you can get to fuck.

And what are you doing here?

Well...

I like her, she's nice, she's pretty, sweet,

in bed she's a...

Did I say that she was nice?

You are hoping she'll go home.

You don't love her one little bit.

But I let myself be loved, which is equally important.

If you're not serious, you should tell her.

What is it makes you think that she's serious?

Congratulations!

Today is our "monthiversary".

"Monthiversary"?

Yes, our monthly anniversary.

We've been together for two months.

Great.

You've bought a present for our second month?

I did the same after the first.

Yes, yes, but...

Well, I don't know, every month is a little bit...

I don't know, with me it's more like each five years,

like civil servants.

Blow.

This can't be chance.

If it's not by chance, it must be a coincidence.

I don't believe it, what are you doing here?

Okay, I was following you.

Listen, listen!

There's a good explanation.

A couple of hours ago, I was driving around

and, suddenly, I saw you go by, I got out

and was following you for 2 hours.

But it was by chance.

I feel better now.

-What's wrong with you? -Yes, I was following you.

But in a good way.

But just when I was catching up with you,

I saw the fat guy and I got embarrassed.

Don't call him the fat guy.

But that's why you dumped him.

No, you can dump someone fat for other reasons, you know.

I couldn't care about the fat guy, he's got enough problems.

-Can we speak about something else? -Like what, the weather?

For example. They say August is going to be a scorcher.

-Are you going away? -What's it to you.

Hey, hey, you should learn to channel that anger.

I haven't done anything wrong and you said we could be friends.

You're right, sorry.

No, we're not going away cos the shop's going so badly

we can't afford to close.

Yeah, hey, tomorrow I'm going surfing in Tarifa,

you should come with me.

But I already told you that you and me can only be...

Sure. Friends.

But I know tonnes of folks there and we really live it up on the beach:

drumming, dancing, bonfires.

-Sounds amazing, but it's that... -Wait.

And if we go to the airport now the two of us,

and get on the first flight, not knowing the destination?

I'm afraid of flying.

Do you mean literally

getting on the plane or do you mean letting yourself take off with me?

Just now I could do with a sick bag.

Yes.

Where shall we go?

Me, I'm off home. See you next time.

And don't follow me.

Turn around, turn, turn, turn.

Shit!

Open it.

It's a silly thing, a romantic getaway.

A full day, with swimming pool included, on a hotel roof terrace.

Seeing you don't have holidays.

Hey...

No, no, of course, I have reviews

to do this month.

And I can't take holidays in August.

But everyone has holidays then.

That's why, no no...

It's a tourist epidemic, everyone's travelling.

There have to be limits.

All the beaches and the cities bursting with people.

No way. We have to...

have tourist licenses and those who don't comply,

have to stay in the bloody house. Don't you think?

So are you up for it or not?

You like the present but not her.

Shut up!

-Did you say something? -Hey?

No.

So, as I don't have a present for you...

do you want to stay over?

Oh!

What happened last night?

Nothing happened.

Another date and nothing at all.

Get a move on!

Don't tell me who I have to seep with.

If you're in a hurry you'll just, have to wait until I choose.

This body is still mine until you fill it with stretchmarks.

Why don't you go to Tarifa?

He's going to an apartment full of hippies.

Imagine the bathroom, hardly

showering, but everyone using the toilet all the time.

Good morning.

Elisa.

What are you doing on the floor?

-I was waking you up. -Did you stay over?

I felt sorry for you last night when you fell asleep.

I was telling you about the "fiestas" in my cousin's village.

In Chinchilla.

We could have a little getaway.

And stay over in his place.

Sounds great but...

This week I'm flying to the Dominican Republic.

-Can I come? -No.

The tickets are really expensive, you're not gonna spend the money.

Don't they give you free tickets for companions?

Yeah, yeah, but only close family.

I can't see me marrying you, just for a few days there.

If it was for a couple of weeks, I'd think about it.

Don't worry,

don't feel obliged to make plans for us both this summer.

It's not an obligation.

I'd love to go with you

to the Dominican Republic or to Baracaldo.

Don't worry, I understand, I know guys need your space.

I have loads of space.

I could hide in a corner and you wouldn't know I was there.

I take up very little space.

You say that to make me feel okay,

because you are feeling pressured.

I'd rather carry on as we've done, cos if not you'll

get obsessed with me.

Really, I won't.

Shall we have a shag?

Okay, c'mon.

I know that you shouldn't say these things to a mother.

But as I haven't been born yet, I can.

Mum, you're a wet fish.

A wet fish?

You were talking to yourself?

I haven't had anyone to have a good old chat with for ages.

Just as well, I've come to stay.

I'm so grateful.

But do you mind putting something on around the house?

But we're brother and sister, what does it matter.

Yes we are, but so is Josemi

and I wouldn't want to see his penis in my kitchen every day.

What's wrong with it? It's normal.

Not exactly normal.

It's normal it seems strange, 15 years is a long time.

We just have to get used to it.

I don't know if I want to get used to seeing your penis every morning.

Okay.

Give me your robe. I'm not wearing anything else.

I don't mind seeing you naked.

Diego, this isn't going to work.

Relax, I'm meeting the old man for a chat,

I'll be back at his place soon.

Great, but put something on and cover that up.

Okay.

Happy now?

Happy.

-Dad! -Eh!

Shit! You scared me.

Christ!

What are you doing here?

This is my house.

Weren't you all on holiday?

We leave on Sunday, how did you get in?

-With my key. -We didn't give you a copy.

I made one.

Yes, I made one so I can come in when you're not here

and get some things,

-it's not a big deal. -Isn't it?

Dad, we fired the cleaner

because we thought she was stealing

-and now it seems it was you. -You only see the negative side,

but look, if it bothers you so, I won't come back.

You're not getting in?

With all those people? It's like rush hour in the Ganges.

There's hardly anyone. Four.

No, with you, five.

Look at the oldster.

She's pissed in the pool for sure.

That's terrible! She could be my granny.

Your granny pisses in the pool as well?

I meant because of her age.

That's why they piss. The age, not the incontinence.

Look at her, such a happy expression.

I'd say she was pissing at this very moment.

You've ruined my swim now, I'm out of here.

Dear God, can someone switch the sun off for a while.

This heat!

Buongiorno!

Would you say I'm a wet fish?

A wet fish? No way.

Obsessive, neurotic, snooty, a fag hag, yup.

-But a wet fish, no. -No. Why do you ask?

Mario invited me to Tafifa and I said no.

Not a wet fish, just daft.

And I did it for us.

They're going to call us for Cibeles Fashion Week

for the Wedding Fashion Day.

But the way the shop's going, we won't be able to close.

I doubt they'll call us for Cibeles until next month.

And we'll be alone for the whole of August,

with no clients and sweating like pigs.

So what can we do, if we don't have a cent.

By the way, you're gonna kill me.

I can't go to the concert.

What? You're joking, right?

We got the tickets ages ago.

It hurts me more than it hurts you.

I'm dying to go.

My dad's having an operation and I can't leave my mum alone.

Why is everything going wrong, suddenly?

You know what I say?

No more tears, babe, let's go.

-Where? -Today we don't open,

let's have a little celebration.

What part of we haven't got a cent didn't you understand?

My dear, you need three qualities to access luxury:

to be rich, good-looking and smart.

Together we have two.

Activate plan 508.

No, not 508, no.

Yes, plan 508, yes.

-Good afternoon. -Hello!

Two white wines, please.

Protos Verdejo or Albariño?

Protos Verdejo.

-And some olives. -Right away.

What is your room number?

Yes, it's 508.

-508. -Yes.

Are you sure, on this floor there's no...

Oooops, I got it wrong, it's 408.

Four, zero, eight,

every day a different hotel and it gets...

I'm in 408.

Well, well, who do we have here?

You show up everywhere except when you're supposed to.

Hi.

-Still angry I see. -Angry?

I'd only be angry if I could care less.

And that's not the case.

Fine.

-Are you staying at the hotel? -Not exactly.

And you?

Just spending the day.

Did you come alone?

-Yes. -Babes!

-Hi. -Hi.

-Abort plan 508. -What?

We have to split. Now!

Wait one moment, meeting this way so often

can't be by chance.

So it must be a coincidence.

That sentence is meaningless.

Maybe, but it sounds good and is a bit unnerving.

Shall we meet again sometime?

Maybe we'll get on and anyway, I owe you a dinner.

I don't trust you, or people in general,

but that you'll show up to dinner even less so.

Okay, christ, just for a drink,

a beer, a coffee.

A movie, the theatre?

The circus.

I don't like clowns.

Do you like Joaquín Sabina?

Sure.

In fact, I don't trust anyone who doesn't like Sabina.

Maybe I'll invite you to a concert.

Okay, but when? Will you call me?

I'll have to think about it.

Turn around, turn, turn.

turn, turn, turn.

Turn, turn, turn.

Turn, turn.

What did you do that for?

-Do you like Joaquín Sabina? -Who?

Dad, I came from Mexico to live with you.

You could have asked me if I wanted to live with someone.

-It was a surprise. -I don't like surprises.

I already had one when your mother got pregnant with you.

Think about it, I had time to get a vasectomy.

Okay, Joaquín.

I was gonna say you'll regret it,

but maybe you don't have enough time left.

What are you talking about, sonny?

If I have time or not is my problem.

Go on internet if you want to spout nonsense.

Barflies like me like to have a quiet life.

-Can I get you something? -Who the hell are you?

Where is... the usual guy?

He died yesterday.

What?

Heart attack. We are mere chaff.

I can serve you,

but you can't ask for the usual.

Are you okay?

How can I be okay if a guy

I spoke with every day for 20 years has just dropped dead?

They took me on this morning. I didn't know Matías.

-Who is Matías? -The guy who died? You knew him?

Yeah, from the typical conversations,

about Atletico, about the coffee being cold, about the weather.

You could hit me with a brick,

20 years speaking to him

and I didn't know his name.

-Would you like a coffee...? -But now I think about it,

I had thought about telling him:

you're one of the few people I know who find okay.

Well. I didn't. Nor did I know his name.

I can't go through life this way.

-My name is... -This is a sign.

We can't leave things for tomorrow.

-The truth is... -A new Joaquín is born.

I can no longer cover my ears, as if others didn't exist.

-I am in complete agree... -And stop interrupting,

I'm trying hard here and you trying to butt in all the time,

have a bit of empathy, please.

I'll tell you something, Matías wasn't like that.

And he'd have given me the coffee by now.

-Are you going to the concert? -Yes.

-With Marta? -Yes.

-And Andrea? -No, Andrea won't be going.

Unless she buys a ticket.

Marta invited me, what could I do?

Say no, say you're going with your girlfriend, tell her you have one.

Sorry, she's not my girlfriend.

You've been going out 2 months!

Yeah, but what are 2 months?

Two months is nothing, not even a season of "Game of Thrones".

Do you care about Andrea or not?

Andrea, I think she's...

she comforts me.

She comforts you? C'mon, she's a girl not a sofa.

-You won't let me think it through. -C'mon, Javi,

it's obvious you don't care about Andrea.

Dump her now, don't be an asshole.

One second, you have to be smart about these things.

Let's see what happens with Marta, or you might end up with neither.

No, Carla's right, I have to be honest

-and we have to split up. -No way. By phone?

-No, c'mon, no. By Whatsapp. -What?

You're gonna dump her by WhatsApp? No, christ,

I'm going to tell her I'm really ill.

You're going to dump her by saying you've got ebola?

No, christ, no...

today is her grandmother's birthday

and I'm invited. Only an asshole

would go along just to dump her.

Far better to get out of it

and I'll call her tomorrow or next week

and meet in a place with a lot of people,

so that she doesn't kick off when I dump her.

And then you can go to the concert with Marta without feeling bad.

I'm getting a bit tired of your superior tone, hey?

And I get tired of being the only adult around here.

No, no, no, hey!

Don't include me, I'm the adult around here!

Hey, I'm not going to say it, unless you push me.

No!

Hello, Vicente.

"Football World", as usual.

Yeah, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

All that stuff about Iniesta deserving the Ballon D'Or?

Fair dos but don't go on about it.

No, no it's not that, it's that...

for some time now, when you put the money in the till,

I move in

and grab another magazine without paying.

What magazine?

Whatever, I don't even read them.

The other day it was "Knitting Monthly".

If you don't read them, why steal them?

What do you want me to say!

Just to fuck you around, Vicente.

Are you serious?

Totally, but I feel terrible about it.

I've come to ask you to forgive me.

Of course I forgive you.

And how long have you been doing it?

Well... er

more or less,

15 years.

At least you realized your error in time and have put it right.

Fine, you owe me 8200 euros.

Look, Vicente, it's not about the money,

I'll pay you if you like. Yes, please. I do.

Please do it.

Don't be like this, I asked for your forgiveness.

How the hell should I react?

Okay, I'll pay you for an extra magazine each day,

and you can subtract the price from what I owe and it'll work out.

-Deal? -Bollocks to your deal.

Vicente, please,

are you going to throw away our friendship for a few pennies?

Okay Vicente, look,

I'll scratch you off my list,

but as I can see you're having a bad day

we'll speak another time, bye now.

Hey, scumbag!

You haven't paid for "Football World"!

Why didn't you invite me to the concert instead of him?

I thought you wouldn't be able, to go: you're always with... him.

I don't know which "him" you mean.

You know very well, I'm speaking about your you-know.

Ah! The brother of your you-know?

Him. Right. So you do know who I'm talking about?

Nacho? I'm not bothered about him.

But that's two months now.

We get together to have a good, time but it's meaningless.

But it's been two months having a good time with just Nacho.

And, for you, that says quite a lot.

How do you know who I'm involved with!

-I don't tell you my love-life. -You tell me all the gory details.

And in the case of Nacho, that's a lot of gore.

And what about you and Javi?

Today is your first date,

don't screw him after the gig.

You would I suppose?

No, I'd screw him before the gig.

One has to be true to one's own style.

Perhaps, I'm dirtier than you imagine.

Well, I have a lot of imagination.

What are you doing here?

I can't leave a friend alone without a holiday.

I ditched the Tarifa plan in order to carry you away from here.

-No destination in mind. -I'm afraid of flying.

I know. So I brought the car and my lucky penny.

Look, listen, listen...

We set off and at each junction we toss to see which way to go.

Look, to the right, so, we'll see where it takes us.

And when we hit the coast, we stop.

Say you will, say you will.

Will you excuse me a minute?

Babe, say you will. He's really nice.

Nice, but a pain in the ass.

-A pain but gorgeous. -And full of himself.

But he has got it all worked out.

He has got it all worked out but...

-But, you have a date with Javi. -What's that got to do with it?

Well, yes, I have a date with Javi and I like him.

I admit it, I'm not like you.

I can't be bothered with Nacho, eh?

-If you want I'll take this guy. -Hold on!

Okay, yes. Go and tell him I'm not going.

-What? -I'm embarrassed to go out there.

Tell him I'm not going, but it was very nice of him.

She's not coming, right?

No, but she told me to tell you you're very nice.

And really handsome too.

What use is that if she's not coming?

And I knew that anyhow.

See what a jerk he is?

Shirt or t-shirt?

The t-shirt is more for a concert,

and the shirt for someone older, right?

Though the shirt maybe for some old guy trying to look hip?

Dunno? What do you think?

No idea.

You are supposed to know which one gives me more possibilities.

I don't know, I'm only 8, I don't know about these things.

I think you should wear one with SpongeBob.

Sorry, there's an air current and sometimes...

-the door slams by itself. -Are you going out?

No, well, yeah, to the Chinese grocers.

Really? I don't believe it.

Andrea, let me explain.

No, no, it's all very clear.

You're not taking it easy like you should when you're sick.

Look, I'll tell you the truth. I wasn't going to the Chinese...

I'm going somewhere else.

No Chinese. Or maybe one or two, but let's see, that...

-Hello, Javi, right? -Nice to meet you.

-Hello. -I really wanted to meet you.

Andrea never shuts up about you, she's nuts about you.

Hello!

Wow! Some place you've got here. Sugar daddy central!

Hello.

A silly question:

Who the hell are these people?

My granny, sister and brother in law.

Great! And why are they here?

They're very sweet, I told them you were ill and they've come to help.

If you can't go the party, the party can come to you.

Don't worry, you relax, we'll do the barbecue.

No, thanks. I'm not really into barbecues, truth be told.

That's cos you've never tried my chorizo, bro'.

And the black pudding from the the village is

good enough to eat.

Great.

No, if you are ill, you are ill, why shouldn't I belive you?

-We can meet some other time? -Yeah, some other time.

Well, there's no need to fix a, date, our paths will just cross.

Uh, it's just that,...

Tell me.

Can you believe that jerk has cancelled our date?

I told you not to trust him.

He says he's ill.

Yeah, out of the blue. He doesn't believe it himself.

C'mon, get ready, we're off to a concert.

Now?

No, no I can't now.

Why not?

Oh, you're with your boyfriend?

I don't have a boyfriend!

It's just that...

I'm ill too.

Elisa, that won't wash.

Very nice. Your boyfriend can be ill and I can't?

He's not my boyfriend and I don't belive him either.

You're not very trusting, Marta.

There's a virus going round and everyone's getting it...

Summer flu can be a bastard.

It's the air-conditioning which...

Are you ill?

Snuggling on the sofa time!

Great plan.

-Yes. -It's Marta. Is this a bad time?

No, not at all, I was...

at home, relaxing.

So you didn't go away, just you and the magic penny.

How do you know?

Well, if you're at home...

Yeah, right.

Or it might have been a giant cosmic coincidence,

and I did go but the penny just brought me back home.

I'm wishing I hadn't called now.

No, no, I'm sorry.

What did you want?

I had tickets for a concert,

but it's so hot that, I hardly feel like it now.

Why don't you come to mine? You can have a dip in the pool.

Have you got a pool? I didn't notice.

In fact I've got two.

Are you coming?

-Only as a friend. -Yeah, yeah, just friends.

Is there anything better than a friend with a swimming pool?

Congratulations. I hadn't said anything before.

Hey!

How are you getting on with granny?

Fantastic, here we are.

Getting to know each other.

Look,

I'm glad you came and brought the family,

but I'd like to speak to you alone.

Who wants sangria?

Sangria?

Thanks a lot, but...

No buts or maybes, you have to try it, it's delicious,

good enough to drink.

It's just that I think it's sacrilege to do that with wine,

-if you'll forgive me... -Speaking of wine

I took one of your bottles. I hope it wasn't expensive.

I hope is was, cos if not, it was very expensive.

Your so funny bro'!

Let's checks those coals.

I thought you weren't coming, I dunno,

you took forever.

It's a long way out what with the price of a taxi,

I could have flown to Ibiza.

It's the price you pay for clean air, right?

The air doesn't seem so clean.

I grow it myself, it's natural, Want a toke?

I don't smoke.

Me neither, tobacco is a killer.

But this gives you a kick.

And are you going to wear a costume

or swim naked? Just a question.

-Mario, you and me are... -Yeah, yeah,

just friends, but as all my friends are naturists...

Is that your pool?

Yes, just that I never fill it,

it's more that 100 000 litres of water,

and I can't do that to the planet.

Idiot, I only came here for a dip.

Relax, relax, I have another pool.

What? What do you think?

I can't believe it.

You had me come all this way

to get it on with you in a paddling pool?

No, like friends, we're all friends here.

All of us?

-Hiya! -Hey!

Elena meet Marta, Marta, Elena.

-Nice to meet you. -The pleasure is mine.

Gorgeous!

Last one in is a sissy!

Can we speak for a moment?

But...

As I said, we left Madrid at four in the afternoon

and by eight, we were already in Denia.

And we took it easy, hey?

What do you think?

Scary.

I think my temperature is rising again.

-Shall we let you rest? -Well the truth is that...

So, I'll get dessert then.

No, no, if I...

You can't leave without trying my wife's cake.

It sure is tasty,

tasty enough to eat.

Just a little bit, I'm interested in your opinion as a critic.

Very well.

Andrea, wait. Look...

I wanted a serious talk with you, but with all these people here...

They're family, I don't have any secrets.

-One moment and you can tell us. -Wait...

I know what you're going to say to my granddaughter.

Oh yeah?

I know because you are the same as my Antonio, may he rest in peace.

-Ah. -Not like the him in there.

You'll have realized that he's an idiot.

-He's a nice guy. -He's a dick.

A little bit of a dick, yes.

As for my granddaughter, I'll help you take that step

-that you're about to make. -Really?

If you are going to ask her to marry you,

do it with my mother's wedding ring.

And who the hell is she?

-A friend. -Why is she here?

The same as you.

You're both friends, it's a date with friends.

How many friends are there?

One, two, three, that's it, just three friends.

You called her after speaking to me, right?

I didn't call her, she was already here.

She comes when she wants.

My door is always open.

Why did you call me?

You called me.

Aren't you getting in? It's nice and warm.

Look, I'm going home.

But we're all just friends.

But you can't invite a friend round as a friend

if there is another friend here, who could be a friend,

but, as it turns out, is also here as a friend.

It's not so difficult to understand, is it?

Maybe it's all the spliffs, but could you repeat all that?

Do you have a car here?

Yeah, but do you want me to take you?

No way, I'll drive and you can kill yourself on the way back.

Don't worry, he'll be back shortly.

This is some kind of mistake, I wasn't going to propose,

in fact I was going to tell...

My deceased husband said there are two kinds of men,

those that go after what they want and those without balls.

-What kind are you? -Uh!

-I dunno. -Who wants cake?

Well, I have to...

go after what I want.

I have to get some ice.

Great, ice for the gin and tonics, just what we need.

-I'll go with you. -No, I'll be very quick.

Quick as can be.

Marta, I don't know why you are so angry.

I'm not angry, you're right.

We're just friends, you can sleep with Elena or whoever.

But Elena is a lesbian.

She's a lesbian?

In fact, she liked you.

So why didn't you tell me before?

I was going to just now in the van, but I nodded off.

Yeah, wait.

I guess a hug is out? Okay, I'm going.

Hey, Marta!

Today has been a bit like a lap dog.

What?

Today has been a bit like the dog whose bark is worse...

No, wait.

-Like the dog in the manger. -That's the one.

Wow, those spliffs!

You don't look very ill.

And you haven't taken long to find a replacement.

-Huggy? -Do I have to give you explanations?

What are you doing here?

Well...

Truth is I'm not sure.

I missed the concert because of you.

-Why did you lie? -The long or the short answer?

And if I don't want either?

Curiosity is usually stronger than pride.

-The short answer. -Well...

I have a kind of girlfriend.

Really?

So why agree to go to the concert with me?

Christ, because...

Look, this will sound corny,

but when I saw you again at the pool the other day,

it was as if everything else vanished

and I only wanted to be with you.

I said yes to the concert cos I knew I was going to dump Andrea.

Andrea? You're still with her off the course?

I don't believe it.

And you broke it off?

No, I mean, yes,

she's back at my place, with her family.

I ran over here to speak to you.

You're kidding, right? Why tell me this shit?

Dunno. I don't get it either.

I'm a professional liar,

I don't know why I'm telling you the truth. It's the first time.

I don't know, the only thing I want to do is to kiss you.

But first I'd like to go to my place and break up with Andrea

and do the right thing one time in my fucking life.

-Why didn't you do it before? -Because...

Well, christ, because...

that was the long explanation, and you wanted the short one.

I think I'm going inside now.

Sabina is playing again tomorrow.

Yeah, but it's been sold out for months.

And if there were any tickets left, do you think I would...?

Before the concert, I have to do a review.

If you want we could...

But as you don't trust me to go for dinner,

we can meet outside the venue.

I have a better plan.

I keep the tickets and if you don't show up I'll go in alone.

And I'll have dinner with Joaquín backstage.

And now I am really in trouble.

It's nothing new.

It was a pose before, when I acted absurdly neurotic

like in "Sex and the City".

Now it's real.

Is there someone else here?

-No. -So why are there two coffee cups?

In case you came.

I didn't tell you I might pop in.

-So why did you drink my coffee? -It was getting cold.

-Were you with your boyfriend? -I don't have a boyfriend! Please!

Let's speak about me. What shall I do?

-About what? -My life in general.

I just want to get away.

And if we go away somewhere?

I'm going to the Dominican Republic this week. Want to come?

-Can you get me tickets? -I'll put you down as family.

-What? -What a fright you gave me!

Where did he come from?

I dunno.

How did you get in?

It was you that hid me.

Inviting her to fly with you is bad enough,

but why don't you want her to know we're sleeping together?

-No, it's not like that. -I'm not embarrassed.

What she's embarrassed about is only doing it with you.

No one will ever understand women.

I make it easy for you but you like to make it difficult.

You know what?

Sometimes we try to kick our way through a wall

instead of trying to find and open door.

Do you know who said that?

-No, I have no idea. -Who was it?

I don't know either, that's why I asked

Will you make me a coffee?

Hello.

Buongiorno.

Hello.

Your daughter isn't here, she must have had a rough night.

-Do you want to wait? -No, I want to speak to you.

-With me? -Yes.

You see, er...

I wanted to ask your forgiveness for having called you...

-Pink Dickie. -Excuse me?

-Pink Dickie? -Pink Dickie, Pink Dickie.

When did you call me that?

Loads of times.

When you weren't there,

when referring to you, I called you Pink Dickie.

Pink Dickie this, and Pink Dickie that.

I thought it was funny.

But I know it's not nice, so I came to say sorry.

For insulting me, or for not doing it to my face?

I'm not quite sure.

What does it matter!

Neither option will stop you thinking that I'm an imbecil.

You are so right.

You could have chosen a place with a bit more glamour.

I'm doing her a a favour.

If you dump someone in a nice, place, it's a double whammy.

She'll never want to go back there again.

And if you do it in a dump like this she won't be back anyway.

Sure, highly considerate. It's for her own good.

Off you go.

Off you go.

Hello. Hi.

How's things

Well, sit down.

First things first, sorry for running out on you,

and your family yeasterday.

You know what?

I want to tell you something. I want to tell you something too.

-Okay. -Bagsy me first.

I bagsied first.

Do you like kids?

Yes, I dunno, it depends, I mean, not all of them.

Like adults. Do you like them all? Some yes, others no.

I'm pregnant.

But how, c'mon, how the hell are you going to be...

Remember that night we got really drunk?

-Yes, or maybe not, we were drunk. -Well...

that night we did it without protection.

Javi, I am pregnant with your child.

You weren't expecting that, right?

Well, maybe just a bit.

Dad, what a surprise.

There aren't any beers, you took them all.

I'm here because I'm an asshole.

A little bit of one, yes, I'm drinking the last one.

I'm trying to ask forgiveness of those I've done wrong by.

That's all very well, dad.

I've spoken to the majority of them.

And that's quite a few.

But when it's family it's even more difficult.

I understand, there's no need to go on.

Yes, there is, there is.

It's not good to forget about your own son

and I've been doing it many years.

Relax, your son knows that...

at the bottom of your heart, you appreciate him.

How do you know?

Did Diego mention it, have you spoken to him?

Diego?

Yes, I want to ask his forgiveness.

And Marta told me he was here.

What's up old man?

Son, I want to speak with you a moment.

I'm going to finish packing.

Congratulations!

We have to celebrate for godsake!

Eh! When I told you I was going to be a dad

there was no champagne or anything.

But yours was predictable. Javi? Well, no one saw it coming.

I wasn't counting on a wedding.

But you'll have the reception here?

Yes, yes, yes.

Don't be daft, I'm not getting married.

I'll assume my responsibility as a father, but...

But I'm going to be...

-a single father. -No, no. You have to get married.

-So we'll all be fucked. -Right.

Bottoms up!

If you're not going to marry, why don't you tell her?

And, when you do, you can give back the ring to the old dear.

Hold this.

You don't have to say sorry, old man.

You're an old curmudgeon but you have a big heart.

Now I'm at peace with the world.

Old guy!

Maybe there's someone who's not on your list.

If you mean your other brother,

I didn't put his name down because I couldn't remember it.

But don't worry, no problem he doesn't mind a bit.

Give me that.

What are you doing?

It's mum's number.

Why don't you speak to her?

There you go.

I'll leave you be.

Jesus christ, even now she's making me sick.

Have I got this straight.

I mean, if you get it straight you can tell me if I'm right.

So, you're not going to the concert?

No, well, I don't know. Because I'm the one who has the tickets.

But I'm not going to go with him.

Which "him"?

Javi.

I'm talking about the one who gave me the concert tickets

I don't mean "him" in the sense that he's the one.

Thanks mum, that's really cleared everything up.

Well, stop confusing me.

I'm going to give Mario a chance.

Huggy?

Don't call him that, he's a great guy.

He just shouldn't smoke so much.

But you think he's a jerk.

He is a bit intense.

He always behaves around me and he makes things easy.

And you're going to smoke joints with him, right?

I'll go with the flow.

But aren't you meeting the other one?

I'll send him a message to cancel.

Let's see, do you prefer Mario or Javi?

You want to be born, right? Yup.

Well, Javi is the difficult sort,

one of those who you never know if you really like

or if you're trying to convince yourself that you do.

-And Mario? -Mario...

His door is always open.

Surprise!

What are you doing here? How did you get in?

You always leave the door open, the one round the back.

I jumped over the wall.

-And what are you making? -Dinner.

We have to celebrate the fact we're going to be parents.

Yes, of course but...

But I already have a dinner date. To write a review for the guide

-and I have to talk to you. -So serious, are you okay?

Look, yes I...

The other day your granny...

-gave me this for you. -Oh!

Christ, come here, Javi's proposing to her!

-What are they doing here? -Celebrating our pregnancy!

-And with granny's ring. -Oh, what joy!

My favourite granddaughter, wed!

There's been a mix up.

Damn right, that ring should be mine. I married first.

And as God decreed, not because I was pregnant!

It's something that could happen to anyone.

-Yeah, especially to my sister. -What are you insinuating?

I'm not stupid, you've arranged all this to get the inheritance.

And I wonder whose baby it is? I know you like to get around.

Maybe I have something to offer.

Or maybe anyone will do?

On that I can agree. Just ask you husband.

Did you screw her?

Only once.

But the baby's not mine, I used a condom.

Not always!

I swear I'll cut it off!

Oh! My God!

But...

So, not only am I not the father of your child,

but I don't have to bring up his kid.

You are a real piece of work, and I mean real.

Sorry, I know it's wrong, but see it from my side.

Look, I should be really angry but...

I'm half to blame for all this...

So if you will excuse me, when you leave, lock up.

Javi!

I don't believe it.

I fell for it completely.

-What? -The message saying

that you didn't want me to go to the concert.

It was a good trick; to tell me and then appear like that.

-Great. -Well, I...

You cut it fine.

If I'd got it earlier, maybe I wouldn't have come.

-Why? -I don't know.

Because of the shock I got.

Seriously, it was a bit odd.

I get your message and suddenly it was as if...

I was sick to my stomach, I dunno.

Really, it made me sad.

And suddenly I saw you...

Why did you do it?

Kiss you?

No, send me that message, it was very cruel.

I'm sure you don't like good girls.

And now what do we do?

What do we do with what?

Dunno. Concert? Restaurant?

Shit, it's true, you came to write a review! Come on.

Wait a minute. What's up?

Nothing, I'm not hungry anymore.

Fine, I'll do the review another day, no problem.

I've got the car here. Do you want to go to the concert?

Wait, lie back, lie back.

Oh!

What's this? Something is sticking out.

-Careful. -What is it?

-Er... -A ring?

No.

-You sure? -No.

No, you're not sure? Or no it's not a ring?

No means no.

What was all that about not being able to lie to me?

Tell me or I'll jump through the window.

-Well, you'll laugh but... -I don't think so.

If I tell you I'm not so daft

as to bring you a ring on the first date,

will that help or make matters worse?

Oh yeah, much better knowing

you have a ring to give to someone,

but here you are getting it on with me in your car,

after all that playacting the sensitive guy

which I fell for like an idiot.

Wait a moment, please.

I know it sounds strange but I can explain it all.

I was in a bit of a fix.

Andrea is pregnant.

-She's pregnant too? -Yes, hear me out.

Listen, the kid's not mine, you have to believe me.

Yeah, like you're so trustworthy.

Careful. Jesus!

Shit!

Marta, wait.

You've got Andrea's grandmother's. ring

It's not her fault.

Well, tell the old dear to go and fetch it.

Ta da!

What's that? Where are we?

A wind tunnel.

-Great! -A transatlantic trip is expensive.

But I thought we could still fly together.

-How can you be so...? -Take it easy, hey?

Old man!