Original subtitles

Can't stop, can't stop, sorry!

Sorry.

-Dear god, how awful! -Sorry.

Shit, here it is.

Christ...

No, wait, wait. Please.

No, sorry, really.

Marta.

I'm not here.

What are you doing here?

All the guest are out there waiting.

I'm not going out 'til he gets here.

-He'll have forgotten it's today. -Don't be daft.

He always leaves everything to the last moment.

Know what's wrong?

My problem in life is I find it difficult... to choose.

I'm going to kill him.

Maybe he's dead and that's why he's not here.

Elisa!

It would be a good excuse for having abandoned you.

Would you mind trying on these earrings to see how they look?

Okay.

Mmmm.

Perfect. Let's go for dinner, or we'll lose the reservation.

Excuse me?

We're booked into a two-star Michelín restaurant.

What are you on about? You think I'd go to dinner with a stranger

because he gave me some earrings?

They're not a present. Just so you'll look nice.

You work here don't you? You can bring them back tomorrow.

Fuck it!

-If he's not here in one minute...! -Sorry!

Sorry, sorry, sorry!

Gorgeous.

Darling.

I was...

Get changed now or you're going out starkers.

Change? Don't I look okay like this?

Thanks.

-Champagne. -Thanks.

Do you always do everything so quickly?

Well, almost everthing.

A bridal shop has just opened, look!

If you want, I'll go and buy a dress?

Er...

Don't get carried away.

Thanks to everyone for being here today.

Since Giovanni and I met in Milan,

our dream was to open our own boutique

with our own designs and here we are.

Hey!

I still can't believe it!

I can't believe you convinced me to put this on.

This shows you our designs look good on anyone's body.

And what I say, my dear

is why don't you take advantage of it and get married for real.

Hey!

Don't get carried away.

Get this party started!

It's been like giving birth.

What would you know about giving birth.

I wish, baby.

-Anyhow, what are you talking about? -What am I talking about?

God gives bread to those who have no teeth

and a uterus to those who don't have the instinct.

You're a big mouth, cos maybe, you'll get a surprise soon.

What?

What kind of surprise?

A surprising surprise.

I imagine that it's not what I'm imagining.

I imagine your evil imagination.

Do you mean my imagination is evil,

when I imagine what it is or that it's not what I am imagining?

-You going to have a baby? -Yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

Yes, yes, yes! Yes, yes!

Oh! Ah.

I'm going to get something to eat from the kitchen.

Don't go away, I'm starved.

I'm not surprised, seeing you didn't even take me to dinner...

By the way, where's the kitchen?

Ah, Jesus Christ!

What are you doing here?

Well...

I'm a friend of your mum.

She's your mum, right?

What do you think?

Yes.

Hey, does your dad live here?

Uh.

Do you want to be my daddy?

Why didn't you tell me abou...?

What are you doing? Are you going?

Yes, because...

My boss called. It's an emergency and I have to go.

But your phone didn't ring.

No, of course not.

It wasn't a call, it was a message.

There's nothing here.

And how would you know, did you look at my phone?

-What? -No, none of that, no.

Not like that.

Spying on my phone on the first date. Too much.

-I’m out of here. -But...

None of that. No, no way, no.

So why didn't you tell me before?

Because it took me by surprise too.

When's it due?

Next year. Or the year after, at the latest.

What?

You're not pregnant?

No, not yet, but I decided.

I'm going to be a mother!

But...

So why break it to me like that?

I almost had a heart attack!

It's ...

-You're gonna have a kid? -I’m gonna have a kid!

I'm gonna have a kid! -What?

Didn't you go out to get the car?

I left my keys in your bag.

Will you go if I give them to you?

When were you going to tell me?

He doesn't know...

Okay, I'll go and get the car.

-You don't know which one it is. -Better.

I can go around 'til I find it and kill some time. "Arrivederci".

We're going to have a child?

-Will you let me explain? -Good idea.

Then I won't be the last to find out I'm going to have a kid.

Don't be like that.

Shouldn't you be happy?

-I’m happy up to a point, but... -Up to a point?

I don't know, I wasn't expecting this, Marta.

I don't know if want...

Or that you wanted... This is all new.

Miguel, I want to have a child. And you?

Yes, I suppose I do.

Are you sure you want to have it?

-We can speak about it. -I’m going to have it.

I have some say in this. I'm the father after all.

Of that I'm not so sure.

Excuse me?

You don't know if it's mine?

Truth is I have my doubts.

Maybe it's not...? So whose is it?

I'm not sure.

It could be from more than one?

It could be from many.

What?

-It could be anyone. -Anyone of how many?

Miguel, I'm not pregnant.

I've taken the decision that I want to have a child.

What I'm not sure about now is if I want you to the father.

Ah, Jesus! Nacho, what are you doing here?

I've been living in your house for the last six months.

Yeah, like I'd forgotten.

What are you wearing?

Shut it, I had a rough night. I got off with some girl,

she took me to her place and I got the fright of my life.

She was a bloke?

Worse, she had a kid.

So what?

So I ran off as fast as I could.

Nice.

Can't those of us who are seperated with kids rebuild our lives?

Great.

Don't get all...

Really? Go to your room, c'mon.

No, I'll keep you company.

No, go to sleep.

-I’ll make it for you. -Stop it.

Okay, I'll go to bed hungry.

It's got easy-opening, look.

Christ!

What are you doing here?

Wherever you go I go.

Did you hide in my car?

C'mon, you're mum will be going nuts.

What mum?

What do you mean? What mum?

The one who bore you.

No one bore me.

I'm here to make you get on with things.

-What? -I’m not real.

What's all this nonsense?

I'm an imaginary projection of your subconscious mind

manifesting itself in corporal form

to show you your repressed desire to have kids.

What?

I am an imaginary projection...

Okay, I got it. Let me take you home. Move it.

-Javi! -Christ.

-Everything okay? -No, it's not all okay. Come in.

Look, woud you believe it?

What?

Can't you see?

The chair?

Don't mess me around, Nacho.

Can't you see anything else?

The dressing gown.

The dressing gown?

What's wrong with you, can't you see anything else?

Don't insist, I only exist inside your head.

I don't know what it is I should be seeing.

Hey?

That. You shoul...

It's not a dressing gown, christsake, it'a bathrobe.

And you're shouting about that?

You have to call things by their name.

-Off to your room. -Excuse me, professor.

What the hell is this?

I'm an imaginary projection of you unconscious mi...

Give it a rest, child!

You asked, dad.

What do you mean, dad?

Don't call me dad. Look, I don't care anymore.

I'm going to sleep.

When I wake up, you'll be gone.

Yeah, and that's how it goes with your flings.

You'll never find a mother that way, dad.

Don't call me dad!

Perhaps I've never been in love with Miguel.

And maybe I've never been in love with anyone.

You're so lucky, my dear.

I've been in love so many times but I'm over it now.

-Now, I want to be happy. -What shall I do with him?

Enjoy it. Your Miguel is the perfect guy.

Boring, but he flatters you and jumps at your command.

You like him, but not too much.

The bad part is, to tell the truth, he doesn't do much for you.

What?

How long have you been listening?

From the flattery part.

Oh, well, you missed the bit about being boring. Just as well!

I'm off, I'm sure you've both got a lot to talk about.

Of late you really know how to pick your moments.

Is that what you really think of me?

-Elisa said it. -Yeah, but you think it.

I'm boring, don't do anything for you.

That's not it.

Do I or don't I?

We have to talk.

Ah!

Morning.

Ah! Bathrobe man.

I need to eat something.

Some kind of breakdown I had yesterday.

If I told you what happened, you wouldn't believe me.

Morning, dad.

Shall I make your breakfast?

Why are you still here?

Excuse me? I'm your brother.

But if I'm not welcome, I'll be off one of these days.

With this guy here, you'll never have a stable relationship.

Javi!

-Are you listening to me? -Eh...?

Yes, sure, yes.

So, are you going to throw him out?

-What? -I'm off.

One of these days I'm leaving and you won't see me anymore.

No, no, I'm the one who's leaving.

What?

I have to go and see my psychologist.

Bye bye.

Bye.

First you have to swallow this.

You're giving me pills?

What are you on about! Pills? Eat up.

You've had nothing to eat. Of course you'll start seeing things.

What does all of this mean, Carla?

I dunno.

You're supposed to be a psychologist.

I'm not a psychologist, I'm a psychology student.

But you work in a bar, that's as good as getting a degree.

Hello.

Eh, stop it!

Hey, hey, coats please!

Nothing to say to Auntie Marta?

-What's for lunch? -Can I go on the Play Station?

Of course.

No kiss for your auntie...?

Can I play too?

Isn't dad here yet?

No, not yet.

He'll go crazy when I tell him. I can't wait to see his face.

And Carolina?

Oh, she's gone to lunch with friends.

On father's day?

Your wife leaves you with the kids on father's day?

There you go, that's being a father.

One moment, but...

Listen, say something, Carla.

What do I have to...

Listen to me, for godsake, I see things.

What kind of things?

Well, a...

It's a thing...

Like that, in the shape of a thing.

And I hear voices.

-You hear voices? -Yes.

Not exactly voices, it's as if...

it's the thing that's speaking to me.

I'm in a bad way, really sick.

A psychiatrist would give you antipsychotics.

But what do you think?

The most important thing in a case of paranoia like this,

is to get to the bottom of it.

-Okay, so what does mine mean? -That's what you have to work out.

Okay. So what should I do?

Take the plunge.

-Great. You mean do nothing? -No, no.

No, no. Go to a swimming pool.

Works for me. I swim up and down,

get into the zone and my problems evaporate.

Sounds worse than the pills.

but nothing ventured...

nothing gained.

Just don't do it here, the river's full of shit.

What's full of shit round here is your deep fat fryer.

Stop!

Perfect.

So how are you?

How's that biological clock?

Oh! Josemi, that's a hateful expression!

-It's not a stop watch up there. -Okay, sorry.

But biological...

Okay, bio, yes, but logical, I'm not so sure.

But lately,

the so-called maternal instinct is calling me.

Will you lot keep it down!

Yes, it's waking up I can see.

After a bad night's sleep.

Hello!

-Hi dad, congratulations. -Congratulations!

Congratulations? What for?

For father's day.

Are you kidding?

There's a day set aside to remind us how we fucked it all up.

Don't say that, we're your children.

Christ, don't remind me! Stop, stop.

Please.

What's for lunch?

Christ!

You frightened me! What are you doing here?

You should know. Perhaps you missed me.

Well no, no, I haven't been missing you.

And I don't want to see you anymore.

-Are you sure? -Of course.

I don't know what you're doing here. I want you to go away.

You want me to disappear.

Anyway, I know you don't exist.

Careful, please, be careful!

Are you scared I'll fall, dad?

No, I don't care what happens to you, I just slipped.

And I'm not your dad, I don't want to be your dad.

I wouldn't love you if I was, because you're nasty and cheeky.

Why would I want a daughter like you?

Are you going to cry now?

This is surreal.

I'm going to get a shower.

Help dad!

I can't swim!

Don't say that.

This isn't happening.

-There's no girl there. -I’m drowning!

Help! Dad!

Relax, relax. Shit.

And how long were you with this one?

The same as with all the others, five years.

Well, the bastard got lucky.

I got thirty years and not even the occasional week-end off.

-Don't speak about mum that way. -Are you defending her?

After she abandoned you as kids?

We were twenty-five.

She abandoned you and was a saint for not doing it earlier.

And you were thinking about having his kid.

Yes.

Oh! He dodged a bullet there, lucky guy!

Gentleman! A child!

Are we nuts?

Dad! That's enough, okay?

You're a chump like me, but your sister is still safe.

Why the hell would you want a kid if you've got a shop?

Because it's not the same.

Damn right.

A shop brings in the dough, a kid, only expenses.

If I want a child, I'll have one.

You can ruin your life, I'm off to have a nap.

Christ.

Now this one! Kill me now!

Ay!

Better if he's sleeping.

We'll wake him, when his surprise arrives.

But you can wake him.

Breathe, breathe, for the love of god!

I don't believe it. Breathe! Please!

C'mon, please, c'mon!

Are you okay?

You frightened me.

You're okay, aren't you?

You saved me, Dad.

See how much you love me?

What?

Hey!

Are you alright?

Sorry?

Yes, yes it's just...

I was practising because I want to be a lifeguard as well

...when I grow up. Eh...

Lovely profession.

This is your auntie's house!

I'll tell your mum.

-Oh no! -I'll tell her.

Hello!

Sister of mine, you look beautiful!

What happened?

How you've grown!

You look smaller on Skype.

Kids, come and meet your uncle.

Can you tell me what the hell is going on here?

Guess who has come to visit.

Surprise! Surprise!

I ask you to keep the noise down while I'm napping

and you bring me a mariachi?

C'mon, give me a hug.

My apologies, sir. I don't know any Mexicans.

I don't watch their soap operas.

Very funny, dad. A hug.

15 years ago you chose your mother over me.

You went with her to the other side of the world.

What did you expect? The selfless

loving father that I am to my other kids?

Dad, don't be like that.

He's crossed the Atlantic to see you.

Oh yes? Well, look, look.

There you go, now you've seen me.

Can I carry on sleeping or should I go home?

Dad, enough!

Diego has got a grant to study in Spain for three months.

Three months?

I didn't want to sleep that long, but if I have no other choice...

-Wake me when he's gone. -Joke's over, dad!

Either you give him a hug or I'll get angry.

That's the way!

Okay, that's it, okay.

Enough.

Some father's day you're giving me.

We haven't told you the best yet.

I can't believe you decided

to land this jumping-bean on me.

Dad, I'm here.

I'm not used to it.

Seeing as you've never been around...

We've got three months to recover all the lost time.

Too late.

You were never here for all the important moments.

You never came to see me play.

To see you play what?

Dominoes for example.

And my ulcer operation, where were you?

Remember you have to go to get your tests done.

-Shit. -Tomorrow.

You have to take a urine sample.

Do you mind not talking about these things in front of strangers?

We're here.

Make sure he gets to the hospital will you?

You're leaving me with him?

Get off. Take it easy.

That way!

Get it, can you reach?

Ah!

C'mon, what are you waiting for?

Okay! I'm going!

Why such a hurry.

You know where the kitchen is, the fridge

and here's the sofa.

You can stay tonight, and find somewhere else tomorrow.

Don't be so mean.

You're glad to see me.

Look, it's mum.

Mamá, what's up?

Yeah, all good The flight, fine.

The guys, well.

Dad, you know, just the same.

Okay.

She sends you a kiss.

Fine. Send it back

Dad sends you one back.

No, send hers back, I don't want it.

Catch you later, I'm unpacking.

Where can I leave my things?

It doesn't make sense to unpack if you're leaving tomorrow.

Okay. You win

I can't put up with you any longer.

-You're leaving? -Yes.

First thing tomorrow.

Bad luck hey?

The only thing Spanish about you now is putting things off 'til tomorrow.

Good night.

First thing, yup.

Wild turbot loin

with crayfish bouillon, shiitake mushrooms

and citrus shoots.

Where the fuck are the crayfish?

Don't start or it's the last time I bring you.

It's a reduced crayfish stock.

I still don't get it.

If the crayfish were reduced, they'd be little prawns at least.

I don't know about prawns but I've been looking for the turbot for yonks.

It's hiding under the froth.

It's wild, but it's shy.

Let's see if you laugh at the bill. I'm off.

Come back!

Don't get upset. We're kidding around.

Anyway, your guide is paying for this.

No, no one is paying for this.

They know you're a food critic and they want to get on your good side.

But if he leaves, we're screwed.

No, right then, no. This is delicious!

So's mine.

But they'll have to bring a doggy bag, I won't finish this.

You're right, they're taking the mickey.

And this turbot has never seen the sea.

But your jokes are more old fashioned

than a goat cheese salad.

You're right, this bistro...

This bistro is a crime!

A criminal bistrot.

I want you to look for somewhere else.

-Somewhere else to have dinner? -No, somewhere else to live.

-Don't be like this. -It's not cos of this.

It's not this. We're not 25 anymore.

Maybe you haven't twigged.

It's alright to meet up and to mess around,

but I think there comes a time for eveything.

And what time is it now?

I dunno, time to, grow up a bit.

Sorry, did he say grow up?

Guys.

I'm going to have kid.

What?

Boy, girl, we'll see. That's why I want you to go.

Living the way we are, I'll never be able to find a mother.

You're going to have a kid and don't know who the mother is?

Right.

You can count on me.

You'll leave?

No, I'm going to help you find your other half.

Can you help me find the turbot?

No!

You're a bunch of idiots.

You too.

"Buongiorno".

Hey.

Huh.

So many orders already?

I'm the one who's going to put in an order.

I want the baby, next spring, at the latest.

April would be perfect.

I'd have to pregnant in...

July? Right.

And seeing as this is March,

I've got a window of three and a half months

to find a man who's worth it.

It's enough, isn't it?

Three and a half months?

I've been looking for 35 years.

Falling in love doesn't take long. Two or three weeks?

For some, seven times a night.

Yeah, but that's more a gay thing.

You're so lucky...

Does it just happen at once or what?

No, it's part of our degree.

Like when you do gayness in the fifth form.

Good grief.

Come in come in!

I've got it all planned out. I've done the market research.

What market?

I did the shop this way.

I have to know what my target is.

The supply and the demand.

And you are the supply.

Quality goods my dear.

I've done the organigram with my market niches.

First niche: guys I could have something going with,

but I didn't because I had a boyfriend.

-You mean potential shags? -Exactly.

That's your first market niche.

No potential shags.

Don't leave for tomorrow what you can do today.

And you don't even wait to have a cigarette afterwards.

So we'll call it potential cigarettes after sex.

That's fine, but I don't smoke.

You have to do at least some of the work, or you won't get the girl.

The there's the most common niche for single girls.

-Ex-boyfriends? -Yup.

I've got loads of those.

That's great.

But as for ex-girlfriends I don't have any.

Shit, it's true.

Let's go to the next most common niche for single guys.

Friends ex-girlfriends?

What are you saying you asshole! That's sick?

Using all your Facebook contacts.

Facebook? But isn't that just for parents.

That's what I'm looking for, a father.

A father for your kid not for you.

Facebook died when Twitter came along.

I'll look on Twitter then.

It died when Instagram came along.

We'll go to a bar to cop off.

The people who do that are well dead.

So your friends introduce you to their single friends.

That would be great, but you don't have any female friends.

-Single or otherwise. -That's so true.

Another option is to go to hunting grounds for single guys.

Gyms, dance classes, cookery workshops.

As for cookery there's, Thai, Indian, Balinese, Brasilian.

As for massage, Indian, Balines, Thai, Portuguese.

-Portuguese? -Yes.

Brazilian, but without a happy ending.

And if all else fails, there's one sure-fire solution.

You go to a painting exhibition,

stand in front of a picture

and bam! The love of your life pops up.

Where do you get this nonsense?

It happens in all the romantic comedies.

What a shallow appreciation of cinema!

A little bit of Sandra Bullock.

Look, Nacho, thanks a lot

for this modern anthology of picking up girls,

but there are applications to do the same...

On internet.

-What's this dog doing here? -I haven't given him a name yet.

Dad, is this dog yours?

No, yours. I bought him.

To see if you can get over this nonsense about having kids.

Take it away, what I want is

a child not some kind of substitute.

Substitute, that's a good name!

Substitute, c'mon. Go to mummy.

This won't make me change my mind.

I don't like dogs.

It's just practice, for when you have a child.

How can I practice with a dog?

You'll get used to picking up shit,

think of what you'll save on nappies.

Dad! You gave her a dog

so as to make her lose interest in being a mother?

Yup.

I don't know if you are wise or sick.

Military strategy; distraction manoeuvres.

She didn't even remember the tests.

Now I know.

Do you know where you'll be staying?

Well, I'm looking on internet.

If I can't go today, then tomorrow without fail.

Tomorrow?

What are we looking for exactly?

You put in your details, hobbies, a picture.

And now you have the 24 most compatible girls

who'd like to go on a date with you.

Could you imagine if this really existed!

Where have you been the last 15 years?

In a happy marriage.

What are you doing?

Taking a photo for your profile.

And that's it. Click"enter".

And now, here are

the most compatible 24 guys as chosen by the web.

And I have to choose out of all the photos,

that come up here.

Hold on, better if you don't look.

Are you nuts?

You're the kind of picky guy who only sleeps with good-looking girls.

I'm funny that way.

You can't be led by looks alone.

They're photos. How can I choose?

Well, we can play who's who.

Who's who? Yeah.

You have to eliminate faces according to the clues I give you.

You tell me the characteristics and I eliminate.

-Let's see. -No!

-Why can't I have a look? -Concentrate on what's important.

Don't just think about looks. Tell me objective things

you don't want in a partner.

Get rid of the fatties.

No, that's not fair.

Why not?

It must be things unrelated to beauty.

Like blue eyes. Or brown.

And if you get a fatty with green eyes, you're screwed.

Any of them with glasses.

-No. You can't get rid of those. -Yes, I can.

Look. I'm not doing it because of them.

It's a hereditary thing. I don't want a short-sighted child.

Well, okay.

And moustaches.

None of them have a moustache.

Just in case.

Any with piercings or or tattoos?

-Yes! -Eliminate.

-Sorry, that's not hereditary. -Yeah, but they make me squeamish.

And for the baby to be born I'd have to... Eliminate, eliminate.

That's it! Only two left!

-One blonde, one brunette. -Let's see.

Who's better looking?

Ah!

Which one?

Seems like the dog has a preference.

-Which one do you like the most? -Ah!

Okay, the blonde.

Eliminate or keep?

-Keep her. -Sure?

Yeah, don't be a jerk.

Mmm... C'mon!

What colour hair do they have?

One is dark.

The other is bald.

She seems nice, she's got a dog.

No way, I don't like dogs.

The brunette.

-The bald one. -You prefer the bald one?

People play tricks with their pictures on internet.

If he's not put a hat on, he's someone to be trusted.

Bye bye, handsome, you missed out by a hair's breadth.

-Hello, good evening. -Good evening.

I've never met a food critic.

Do you criticize everything you eat?

That's a lot of pressure?

Yup. I even give marks

if I don't like service.

Do you know what I do?

Yes, it's on the webpage. Architect?

-Yes. -Wow.

And you also say

that you like kids.

-Yes, loads. -That's great.

Just for a bit, of course.

Of course.

What is "a bit" for you.

Marta.

Yes, do I know you? Sorry, I don't quite...

Mario, the guy you have a date with.

From the internet? But you have hair?

Well, you know, everyone lies on the internet.

Are you taking the piss?

No, well, perhaps it's a bit odd.

But as everyone is so hung up and lies about their looks,

I thought if I told the truth everyone would think I was lying.

Oh!

Sure.

As you're so gorgeous, you have to lie a wee bit.

Us women might not believe that you are real.

No, it's not that.

I don't want to go out with superficial women.

And as you agreed to come thinking I was bald,

that means you're not only interested in looks.

And besides being gorgeous you come out with lines like that,

so they all fall at your feet.

-No... -Well, you know what I think?

You shouldn't mess around with peoples'expectations that way.

Who are you to tell me that I like bald guys therefore I'm "deep"?

Maybe I'm an airhead

who's turned on by bald guys.

Or I'm disturbed with weird phobias or something?

For all you know, I'm frightened of hair.

Hey...

Who are you to judge other people's motives

for going out with fucking bald guy!

Excuse me, I had never heard of "hairphobia".

I have a phobia of making mistakes

and coming across a bullshitter like you.

And, as I'm sure you'll have figured out, I don't want a kid with you.

-The dessert menu. -Thanks.

For madame I recommend the three-chocolate brownie.

As if all women love chocolate.

Well, I do.

Yeah, but that's not the point.

It's like generalizing about

how all women want to have kids.

And? What?

I suppose many don't.

Well, mine does.

No dessert, thanks.

-I want to. -You want to have kids?

No, I want to have dessert.

Oh, sure. And kids too.

You want to have ... Like it said in your profile

you want to have kids, so you want to have them.

I mean, you do, right?

Shall I bring you the brownie or put it in a doggie bag?

The bill, please.

I've never had an internet date before.

Me neither.

Shall we sit here?

Here?

Uh...

Yes.

I have loads of internet dates.

But it's the first time I've had one at an exhibition of paintings.

Oh. Let's say it was Sandra Bullock's idea.

Ah ha.

You were teling me about your time in Italy.

How did you get into fashion?

In truth, I was there for three...

Christ.

Can you be a bit more careful kids?

-Go on. Go on. -Well...

I was at Fashion School in Milan for three years.

That's where I met Giovanni.

Giovanni, should I be jealous?

Giovanni is my business partner. And he's gay.

And he's not Italian.

Just as well cos Italians can be dangerous...

Auntie Marta, this guy kicked our ball away!

Auntie Marta?

Is this your niece?

No. Well, a little bit.

Anita, you can't kick balls at people.

-You told us to. -What?

You can't go round lying to people.

I had to check that you really like kids as you said.

But you're a jerk.

For the love of God, they're just kids!

C'mon, let's go.

Let's get out of here

And my ball?

Stop going on about the ball!

And this is a still-life with fresh fruit.

Yeah, that's what it says.

All this abstract stuff, what can I say...

I'm more classical.

I ask myself, where is the "Madonna"

with the babe in arms.

Hey?

Yeah, I prefer that kind of stuff.

Having a babe in arms?

Classical painting.

Ah. Yes, no. Sure.

And babes in arms?

-Hey? -No, I mean...

talking about...

kids and all that...? I can't do this.

You want to go further with women, right?

But the first steps always have to be the same ones.

Listen. Okay.

You are used to going from Madrid to...

Tordesillas. Right?

And now, you decide you want to go to La Coruña.

But for the first part of, the journey,

you have to cover the same distance.

You can't teletransport directly to Tordesillas.

See what I'm getting at?

The A6?

Okay, don't be a moron.

I'm saying that the stuff about kids is when you get to La Coruña.

But up to Tordesillas, you have to take it as normal.

Like always. Do you get it?

More or less, the truth...

What you have to do

is to stop looking for the right girl on internet

and look for her like you always did.

You go to a bar and move in on the first one you fancy.

Same old, same old.

Ah!

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay, I think I've got it.

But one thing bothers me.

-Can the bar be in Madrid. -Of course. Where else?

I don't know, all this about Tordesillas has got me confused.

Okay, sorry.

Seriously, thanks.

Thanks.

You know what I say, Substitute?

I'm not going to keep looking for freaks on the internet.

I'm going to do what I've always done.

Go out, sit at the bar with a drink

and wait for them to hit on me.

But not dressed like this, naturally.

Hi.

Hi.

Can I have a seat?

Please do.

The red dress suits you.

Thanks.

Sorry for running off the other day.

Yeah, it was a bit odd.

-Are you surprised I called? -To tell you the truth, a little.

I wasn't going to call, I meant to go out alone to you know...

No.

But, I don't know, suddenly, I thought

that we've been apart for some time

and things have happened, we've grown up.

Marta, it's been a week.

A week already?

Yes, already, a week.

No calls or an explanation.

Okay, that's why I'm here.

You know, to...

I meant to go out tonight on my own looking for...

No, sorry.

Then I thought:

We haven't had the chance to get to know each other.

Because you ran away?

Yes, right...

Let me explain.

It was a misunderstanding.

What misunderstanding?

Well that...

I thought that...

I thought that you had a daughter.

What are you on about? I don't have a daughter!

Yeah, I know.

But, you'd like to have one, right?

I mean... Do you want to have kids?

I mean...

Not now.

-Uh. -We can speak about it

later, in...

La Coruña.

-What? -I mean...

It doesn't have to be La Coruña,

but we have to get to Tordesillas at least.

You're unwell.

-Please. Erase my number. -No, wait...

-Dad, what are you doing? -Christ!

Child, what are you doing here?

I can't leave you on your own.

Why did you call her?

Dunno, I thought she might me a good option.

How could she be if I don't even look like her?

You don't look like me either.

Exactly. Think on a little.

If I don't look like you, I'd have to look like my mum.

Enough time has gone by for you to have thought things over.

Me too, but you more.

I don't know, perhaps now you're not so...

Boring?

You're not going to ask me to stay, right?

No.

I thought the ice-cream thing was a girl thing.

You're right, it's Nacho's.

Cristina, this is going to be more difficult than I thought.

Stop calling me Cristina!

I've spent a month telling you I'm going to be a boy.

If things go on like this you won't be anything at all.

Want some ice-cream?

Dad, I can't eat.

Oh! Right. I hadn't thought about that.

You don't know what you're missing.

If you tasted this,

you'd want to be born even more.

Oh yeah, it's true. You can't eat!