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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:04,169 [♪♪♪] 2 00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:54,920 [WHISTLING] 3 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,988 - Hi, George. You're in good spirits today. 4 00:00:57,158 --> 00:01:00,092 - I just hung up a new birdhouse in the elm tree. 5 00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:03,128 Soon Mr. and Mrs. Bluebird will move in 6 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:06,631 and make that house a home. 7 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,100 - Well, I hate to bring you down, George. 8 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:11,002 But I just saw two sparrows eyeing that place. 9 00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:13,472 - Sparrows? Where's my shotgun? 10 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,274 - Relax, George. I don't think they're moving in. 11 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:19,111 I think they're a couple of, you know, lookie-loos. 12 00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,649 - Salaam, sultan and sultana. 13 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:28,087 My Joanna, don't we look sheikh? 14 00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:29,088 - Thank you, Michael. 15 00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,957 I can never get enough of your Arabic wit. 16 00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:34,126 [BABY CRYING] 17 00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:38,263 - There, there. 18 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,400 Little Stephy-wephy was just hungry, wasn't oo? 19 00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:42,968 - Nay-nay, Mommy dearest, we agreed not to babble 20 00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:45,804 in baby talk like other parents. 21 00:01:45,973 --> 00:01:46,972 Okay, Cupper-wuppers? 22 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:49,874 - Of course, Mikey-ikey. 23 00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:52,043 - Dicky's getting sicky. 24 00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:54,613 - Hello, hello. - Stephanie! 25 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,548 - Stephanie, darling. - Darling! 26 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,318 - Libby, darling. 27 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,186 Scooter, darling. 28 00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,755 Oh! What a darling surprise. 29 00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:06,458 - You're the one who's full of surprises, pet. 30 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,360 We were jetting in from Berlin, 31 00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:11,163 big bash at the Wall, don't you know, 32 00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:15,066 when Ken and Anastasia DuPont told us of the blessed event. 33 00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:17,802 Really, dear? We never got an announcement. 34 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:21,640 - Funny, I thought I sent one to everyone who mattered. 35 00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,808 - Water under the yacht. 36 00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,278 Libby, you remember old Dick. 37 00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:29,848 - Of course. Who could ever forget dear Richard? 38 00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:32,017 We met in New York at that society thing 39 00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:35,487 for one of those causes. 40 00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:39,558 And this must be your-- 41 00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:41,793 - Inn. 42 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,095 We call it an inn. 43 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:47,599 And this is--this is Joanna. We call it a wife. 44 00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:48,634 - How do you do? 45 00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:49,668 - Hello. 46 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:52,070 - My, what an unusual sweater. 47 00:02:52,239 --> 00:02:53,071 But I suppose there's not a lot 48 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:56,775 to choose from up here, is there? 49 00:02:56,943 --> 00:03:00,646 - My wardrobe has suffered so since my loom broke down. 50 00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:04,183 - You must be the baby's father. 51 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:08,353 - No. No. Michael is the father. 52 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:12,391 At least that's what Stephanie's led us to believe. 53 00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:15,827 - That's George, the handyman. 54 00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,329 This is my Michael. 55 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:19,231 - Howdy doody, Lib and Scootie. 56 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,733 - Backwards banter, how I love it. 57 00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:23,569 - Jumping Gibralter, what a rock. 58 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,204 - Isn't it huge though? 59 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,272 Did you happen to notice my little bauble? 60 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,040 - Yes, and I'm so worried. 61 00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:30,809 I can't imagine how you'll ever get it off 62 00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:33,278 over those enormous knuckles. 63 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:37,683 - I don't plan to take it off, sweetsie. 64 00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,551 It's my wedding ring. 65 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:43,154 - Why Scooter, so you actually married our Libby, 66 00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:46,225 or should I say the rowing team's Libby? 67 00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:50,762 - This must be your baby. 68 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,332 She's just darling. 69 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,934 Too bad about her hair. 70 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:58,903 I'm sure she'll grow some eventually. 71 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,839 - Well, let's hope it'll be on her little head 72 00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:04,676 and not on her chinny-chin-chin. 73 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:10,849 - By the way, you'd never know it to look at me, 74 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,318 but Scooter and I have had a baby too, haven't we? 75 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:16,388 - Well, you did all the grunt work, precious. 76 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:19,324 [LAUGHING] 77 00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:22,160 - Now, now, where is our little heiress, yes? 78 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,330 [WHISTLING] 79 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:36,107 - Her name is Tiffany. Isn't she just perfect? 80 00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:38,777 - Well, she's a little zaftig. 81 00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:46,050 - George, I-I think Libby w-was talking about th-the baby. 82 00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:52,291 - Oh, oh! I apologize for that zaftig remark. 83 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:56,027 / 84 00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,831 - Richard and wife, isn't Tiffy the most beautiful 85 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,200 little girl you've ever seen? 86 00:05:02,369 --> 00:05:04,202 - You're expected to say yes. 87 00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:05,537 - Yes. 88 00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,572 Uh, no. 89 00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:13,445 Well, uh, sh-she's certainly, definitely on my top-two list. 90 00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:14,946 - You're putting Tiffany in the same league 91 00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:18,216 with that little bald girl? 92 00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,320 - Well, thanks for stopping by. 93 00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:22,721 - Oh no, we'll be staying, old girl, yes, 94 00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:23,755 we'd like two rooms, please. 95 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,023 One for Libby, myself, and child, 96 00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:27,225 and one for Mrs. Butterworth. 97 00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:29,194 - Mrs. Butterworth? 98 00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:34,466 I love your maple syrup. 99 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,737 - I've never heard that one before. 100 00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:41,940 - Come on Stephanie, grab their bags 101 00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:43,975 and we'll show them to their room. 102 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:46,878 - Oh Scooter, isn't this delicious? 103 00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,648 Stephanie will be our own personal slave girl. 104 00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:50,982 [LAUGHING] 105 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,321 - Slave girl, how dare she? 106 00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:57,856 Michael, carry their bags up. 107 00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,658 - Yes, master. 108 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:06,465 [BABY GURGLES] 109 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,002 - Stephanie, I had no idea 110 00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,938 you were so good at menial tasks. 111 00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,974 If you ever need a job, Scooter could find you something 112 00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:18,677 in one of our fast food restaurants. 113 00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:22,614 Perhaps the position at the drive-by window. 114 00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:23,749 - Well thanks anyway, 115 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:26,284 but this is really just kind of a hobby. 116 00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:28,587 - Certainly seems that way to me. 117 00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,624 - Now be sure to treat Mrs. Butterworth well. 118 00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:35,226 She's used to having excellent service at home. 119 00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:36,628 - Well, then she should get back there 120 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,597 as soon as possible. 121 00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:42,601 [BABY CRYING] 122 00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:45,637 - Your baby is a fussy little one, isn't she? 123 00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:46,638 - Well, maybe it's just the scent 124 00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:49,408 of rancid perfume in the air. 125 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,143 - Steph, I hate to eat it and beat it, 126 00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,579 but I really should trot over to the station for a tad. 127 00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:57,348 - Michael is general manager of WPIV. 128 00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,250 And our little Stephy owns the station. 129 00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:00,719 - Really? 130 00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:03,422 Our little Tiffany doesn't need to work. 131 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,526 - Well, our Stephy doesn't need to work either. 132 00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:09,428 She just enjoys the pleasure she gets 133 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:12,330 out of pushing people around. 134 00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:17,769 I must admit your Tiffany is pretty...considering. 135 00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:22,441 - Cattiness looks so ugly on you, Stephanie. 136 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,676 So, does most of her wardrobe. 137 00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,778 But I understand your dilemma. 138 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:30,114 Your baby could never be Tiffany's equal, 139 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:34,486 because her father isn't a blueblood. 140 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:39,724 - Well! I may not be officially blueblooded, 141 00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:42,727 but I strongly believe I'm as snobby as the next man. 142 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:47,532 - Once a mongrel, always a mongrel. 143 00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:48,967 Come along, Scooter. 144 00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,802 Dear George promised we could watch him 145 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,403 fix something. 146 00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:55,474 - It's a shame we didn't bring that damn cat of yours along. 147 00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:58,209 Care to join us, dear Richard? 148 00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,745 George is bound to be good for a yuk. 149 00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:04,182 - I'm pretty much yukked up for the day. 150 00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:09,721 - Michael, do you think that it's possible 151 00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:12,624 that baby Steph isn't as perfect as Tiffany? 152 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,559 - Because Tiffany was all quiet on the Stratford front 153 00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:17,295 while little Stephy was the kid on the River Cry? 154 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,264 - You can't compare babies. 155 00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:22,834 They're both perfect in their own ways. 156 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,302 - Leave it to Joanna to try to soothe us 157 00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:26,905 with a sunny observation. 158 00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,473 Okay, what ways? 159 00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:32,076 - Don't ask me, I might slip and say something sunny. 160 00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:41,152 - Well, uh, you know, Tiffany has, uh, you know, 161 00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:45,924 lots of curly hair and--and adorable dimples 162 00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:48,459 and the longest eye-eyelashes. 163 00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:55,199 And baby--baby Steph has a-a-a chin. 164 00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:58,202 - Every baby has a chin. 165 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:03,274 - Yeah, but not that pronounced. 166 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,510 - Michael, Tiffany does have bigger dimples. 167 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,478 - And gobs and gobs of goldilocks. 168 00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:09,881 [BABY CRYING] 169 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:14,318 - Face it, Michael, our perfect baby's bald and bitchy. 170 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:29,034 - Noticing anything nouveau about our babe in tow? 171 00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:32,904 - Oh my, look at all the hair she's grown 172 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,707 in the last two hours. 173 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:38,209 - Keep it under your hats, cats, but those follicles are faux. 174 00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:41,212 It's a tiny toupee. 175 00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:43,548 It's amazingly lifelike, don't you think? 176 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:47,819 - It kind of reminds me of a drooling Ted Koppel. 177 00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:53,725 - See, I told you we should have gone with the Deborah Norville. 178 00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:56,828 - Oh, what's the use? We can't even fool these fops. 179 00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,831 It's not fair, there is a flaw in my ointment. 180 00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:05,103 - Oh Michael, we made a terrible mistake. 181 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,638 We married for love. 182 00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:09,507 - Oh, stupid, stupid Cupid. 183 00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,576 - There's nothing wrong with marrying for love. 184 00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:12,911 Look at us. 185 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,614 - Oh, stupid, stupid Cupid. 186 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,517 - You realize what this means? - Yes, Michael. 187 00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:20,551 - There's only one thing left to do. 188 00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:22,320 - Of course, Michael. - Little Steph must never know. 189 00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:23,387 - I understand, Michael. 190 00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:24,923 - Then it's agreed? 191 00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:27,659 - Absolutely, Michael. 192 00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:30,194 - Would--would you mind telling me 193 00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:31,796 what--what the hell you're talking about? 194 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,698 - Open up your ears, Dick. 195 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,900 We're getting a divorce. 196 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,072 - Goodbye, Stephanie. 197 00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:42,173 - Goodbye, Michael. 198 00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,342 - Michael, Michael, freeze! 199 00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:46,911 - You don't have to be so dramatic, Dick Olivier. 200 00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:49,547 A simple "Wait a sec" would have sufficed. 201 00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:51,616 - What are you doing? 202 00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:53,151 - Don't you listen to us when we're hysterical? 203 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,286 We're getting a divorce. 204 00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,022 I'll try to find a nice lawyer, Steph. 205 00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,256 - I will too. 206 00:10:58,424 --> 00:10:59,524 - This is unbelievable. 207 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:02,093 - That we could find two nice lawyers? 208 00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:05,596 Justice JoJo's right. 209 00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,532 We'll settle out of court, Cuppers. You take everything. 210 00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:08,800 - Oh Michael, I couldn't. 211 00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,603 What would I do with all your Family Circle magazines? 212 00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,005 - Good point, pumpkin. 213 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,606 You take the cars, furniture, stocks and bonds. 214 00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,542 I'll take the mags and we'll split the compact disks, 215 00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,010 Simon for you, Garfunkel for me? 216 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,645 - Deal. 217 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:25,516 Oh Michael, our marriage is slip-sliding away. 218 00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:28,519 - I guess now there are 51 ways to leave your lover. 219 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:32,256 - Where will you be moving so I can forward your mail? 220 00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:33,457 - New York. - Oh no! 221 00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:34,625 Baby Steph and I will be going there 222 00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:37,896 to shop sometimes. We don't want to run into you. 223 00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:39,197 - How about Chicago? - That'll be fine. 224 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:42,133 Nobody shops in Chicago. 225 00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:43,702 - Th-That cinches it. 226 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,804 A-Are you two o-out of your minds? 227 00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:48,673 I mean, don't you want to see your little girl grow up? 228 00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:51,843 - Hm, that'd be nice. Maybe Chicago's too far. 229 00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,945 Is there a state that borders Vermont? 230 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:58,917 - No. No, we're surrounded by water. 231 00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:00,384 - Then I'll rent a houseboat off the coast of Vermont 232 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,188 and I'll get a job at an offshore TV station. 233 00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:07,058 Farewell, my former wife. 234 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,292 I'd ask for a lock of our baby's hair, 235 00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:11,763 but thanks to my dorky DNA, she doesn't have any. 236 00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,471 - She's whimpering. I guess, you know, 237 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,574 one of us should say something. 238 00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:26,344 - Well, you know me and my sunny disposish. 239 00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:29,881 I'd probably just make matters worse by cheering her up. 240 00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,685 - Stephanie, we, uh, we n-need to talk. 241 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,587 - Oh, I know what you're thinking, 242 00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:38,022 that even though I'm incredibly attractive 243 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:40,859 as a single mother, I'll never get a date. 244 00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:45,797 - No, that wasn't exactly what-- - Well, get this straight. 245 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,832 My eternal love for Michael shall never die, 246 00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:51,369 and I swear by all that's holy that I shall never remarry. 247 00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:53,604 Why, do you know someone? 248 00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:57,942 - Look, I-I'm about to tell you one of m-my long-winded stories. 249 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,945 Maybe you better sit down. 250 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:03,214 - Maybe I better lie down. 251 00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:08,519 - Well, when--when I was-- when I was a-a boy, 252 00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:13,224 I had--I had a problem similar to yours. 253 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:14,926 I didn't, you know, I didn't have a baby, of course, 254 00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:20,098 but I did have a, uh, I had a guppy. 255 00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:24,202 See, Ethel was a-a purebred and--and very beautiful. 256 00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,070 - Like me? 257 00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,606 - Scalier. 258 00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:32,911 A-Anyway, Ethel was in love with this other guppy, Maurice. 259 00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:35,579 - Oh, a French guppy. 260 00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:38,382 - Well, French Canadian. 261 00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:42,787 Anyway, they had lots and lots of--of babies. 262 00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:44,755 All the other guppies i-in the tank 263 00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:47,892 used to laugh at Ethel and Maurice's kids. 264 00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:50,295 - Why? Did they wear funny hats? 265 00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:55,900 - No. See, fish--fish don't believe in sight gags. 266 00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:01,072 - Dick, is this story going anywhere? 267 00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,274 - It--it must be. 268 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:04,642 Oh, I-I've got it. 269 00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:06,845 Ethel and Maurice loved their children so much, 270 00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:10,815 they didn't care if they were the laughingstock of the tank. 271 00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,751 They loved each other and they loved their babies, 272 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:19,858 so much so that they finally, um...ate them. 273 00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,662 - Eww. 274 00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:30,969 But you know, Ethel and Maurice are a lot like Michael and me. 275 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,437 - They--they are? 276 00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:36,574 - Except for their names and their diet. 277 00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:40,879 It's amazing how you paralleled the upheaval in a fish tank 278 00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:43,714 to the turmoil in my family life. 279 00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:47,385 - Well, you know, that's--that's what I do. 280 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:50,889 - And nobody does it better. Thanks, Dick. 281 00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:56,294 - I am good. 282 00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:02,566 Maybe I'll write a book of fish fables. 283 00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:07,638 Ethel would have wanted it that way. 284 00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:18,349 - And Ethel and Maurice had lots and lots of kids, 285 00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:21,986 or snacks as they turned out to be. 286 00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:24,022 - Egads, the cads! 287 00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:26,724 It is a fish-eat-fish world. 288 00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:29,227 What's the drift of this icky tale? 289 00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:31,829 - Well, in his morbid, long-winded way, 290 00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:32,830 Dick was trying to say 291 00:15:32,999 --> 00:15:36,700 that fish can be good role models. 292 00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:39,037 - They ate their children. 293 00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:40,604 I would never do such a thing to baby Steph. 294 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:41,772 I mean, though on occasion I may have said 295 00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:45,043 I'd like to eat her up, I would never eat her up. 296 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:46,177 - Well, what's gotten into Dick? 297 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:49,247 He's losing touch with reality. 298 00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:52,750 I only know that I don't want you to go. 299 00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:53,751 - I'm sorry Steph, 300 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:54,953 but for our sullied seedling's sake, 301 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,855 this papa's got to be a rolling stone. 302 00:15:58,024 --> 00:15:59,958 [BABY BABBLES] 303 00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:05,896 - Did I just hear my micro muffin call me Dada? 304 00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:08,433 - No Michael, it was ga-ga. 305 00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:09,667 - Oh. 306 00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:13,237 [BABY BABBLES] 307 00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:19,143 - Michael, that time I think she did say Dada. 308 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,279 - Really? - [BABY BABBLES] 309 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:23,247 - Yes, she's saying Dada. 310 00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:26,250 - Mia bambina sprechen ze me namen. 311 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,153 - She doesn't want you to go either. 312 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,621 - Oh, double family whammy, 313 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:33,458 my mainspring and my offspring want me to stay. 314 00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:36,361 - See, she doesn't care about your stupid old blood! 315 00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,762 - Oh Steph, you realize what this means? 316 00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:41,932 I can paste my head back into the family photos. 317 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:55,913 - Dick, could Scooter and Libby be making fun of me? 318 00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:58,716 They seem to laugh at everything I do. 319 00:16:58,885 --> 00:16:59,984 - Well, they're probably, you know, 320 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:03,754 laughing with you, George, not laughing at you. 321 00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:06,590 - But I wasn't laughing. 322 00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,893 - Then they're laughing at you. 323 00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:10,461 - What were you doing, George? 324 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:14,165 - Well, I was putting up a "No Sparrows Allowed" sign 325 00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:17,768 in the new birdhouse, and a dog came by 326 00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:20,704 chasing a cat, and knocked over the ladder. 327 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,206 I tried to grab onto a branch 328 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,510 but there was a beehive attached to it. 329 00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,478 The bees started stinging me so I let go 330 00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:30,248 and fell into a bramble bush. 331 00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:37,055 - Well, you don't look any worse for wear. 332 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,323 - Oh, yeah? Every inch of my body 333 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:41,559 is covered with bloody welts and scratches. 334 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,627 - You want to see? - No. 335 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,263 No thank you. 336 00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:47,098 I'm still trying to get over the image of your body 337 00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:50,435 after you were trampled by that cow. 338 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:55,173 - Libby called me a rube. 339 00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:57,741 What is that exactly? 340 00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:03,013 - George, it's a derogatory term for a person from a small town. 341 00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:09,019 - Well, I may be a hick and I've been called bumpkin, 342 00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:10,921 and once or twice I came running 343 00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:13,824 when someone yelled "Hey, yokel." 344 00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:19,564 But it really galls me when a la-dee-da snotnose 345 00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:22,666 labels George Utley a rube. 346 00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:27,405 - Harken home, boys. 347 00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:30,174 We come bearing nifty news. 348 00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:33,644 - We've decided to stay together. 349 00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,513 - So--so my story worked? 350 00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:37,215 - Gulping guppies, Dickers, you should be filleted 351 00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:39,584 for that fish fable. 352 00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:44,255 - It was baby Steph who talked us into reconciling. 353 00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:46,157 - Your five-month-old spoke to you? 354 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:47,425 - Yeah, she said, "Dada, whatever you do, 355 00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:49,460 please don't go." 356 00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,796 - Ah, there you are, George. 357 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,366 George, we were wondering if you'd care to motor down 358 00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:57,435 to the Hamptons for one of our functions. 359 00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:58,603 You'd be the guest of honor. 360 00:18:58,771 --> 00:18:59,870 - It'll be loads of fun. 361 00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:02,473 We call it a roast. 362 00:19:02,609 --> 00:19:03,441 - No, thank you. 363 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:05,643 Maybe when you come up again, I could invite you 364 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,411 to one of our functions. 365 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:10,748 We call it a tar and feather. 366 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:17,121 - Oh Scooter, what a darling threesome they make, 367 00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:20,724 just like a little peasant family. 368 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:23,461 - Save your insults for your servants, Libby. 369 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:25,095 Michael may not be blueblooded, 370 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:27,265 but we're together and we're happy. 371 00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,300 - That's what our two chefs Christopher and Jeremy 372 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:31,469 keep telling us. 373 00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:36,740 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 374 00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:38,876 - Hi, I'm Larry. 375 00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:39,877 This is my brother, Darryl, 376 00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:42,880 and this is my other brother, Darryl. 377 00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,282 - Larry. 378 00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:46,116 - Scoots. 379 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:53,123 - Lovely to see you again, dear Lawrence. 380 00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:54,992 I believe the last time was at Leona's 381 00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:59,497 "I'm Just Wild About Harry and Larry" bash. 382 00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:01,699 - That was some soiree. 383 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,701 We dropped by to offer our congratulations 384 00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,736 on the arrival of your heir. 385 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:10,140 And to see whether you require our expert childcare services. 386 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,010 - Thank you, Lawrence, but our little Tiffany 387 00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:17,215 is upstairs in very capable, albeit gnarled, hands. 388 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:18,649 - Well then, we'll bid our adieux 389 00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:21,085 and return to our genetic experiments. 390 00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:23,187 Darryl here is attempting to cross a porcupine 391 00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:24,722 with a pussycat. 392 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:29,493 Alack, the offspring tend to clean theirselves to death. 393 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:35,132 Oh Scooter, do say hello to your mom for us. 394 00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:36,334 Our floors ain't been the same 395 00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:38,769 since she stopped scrubbing them. 396 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,874 - Pardon? 397 00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:46,344 - Apparently, Scooter's humility prevented him 398 00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:50,281 from bragging about his mother's proficiency as a scrub woman. 399 00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:54,318 - Your mother was a scrub woman? 400 00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:55,786 - Well, before she met my stepfather, 401 00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:56,920 we were a mite cash poor, so she 402 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,723 - That's quite enough, Scooter. 403 00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:00,691 - No, it's not. 404 00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,827 - So, Scooter, I guess this means 405 00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,430 you're not a full-blood blueblood. 406 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,766 - Well actually strictly speaking... 407 00:21:09,902 --> 00:21:12,703 - I've never been so humiliated in my life. 408 00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:15,906 - Well, hopefully you'll have plenty of other chances. 409 00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:19,143 - Don't get so high and mighty with me, pet, 410 00:21:19,312 --> 00:21:20,478 lest you forget your grandfather 411 00:21:20,647 --> 00:21:22,313 sold used pickup trucks in Scranton. 412 00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:24,047 - They were not pickup trucks. 413 00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:26,950 They were recreational vehicles. 414 00:21:29,155 --> 00:21:31,522 - Oh, this is so delicious. 415 00:21:31,691 --> 00:21:33,190 - I'm going upstairs to pack. 416 00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:35,025 Come along, Bernie. 417 00:21:35,194 --> 00:21:36,860 - Oh, well, we're going to start using our real names 418 00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:38,296 are we now, Shirley? 419 00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:40,498 [SCREAMING] 420 00:21:43,169 --> 00:21:44,602 - Keep a cot warm for me, dear chum. 421 00:21:44,771 --> 00:21:47,305 I may be bunking in for a while. 422 00:21:48,775 --> 00:21:50,641 - It appears I have just performed the function 423 00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:54,712 of deus ex machina in this little drama. 424 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,014 In Greek theater, the deus ex machina 425 00:21:57,183 --> 00:21:59,216 was raised and lowered on a rope 426 00:21:59,385 --> 00:22:02,687 while the chorus explained the offstage action. 427 00:22:02,855 --> 00:22:07,090 Well, since our chorus is relatively silent, 428 00:22:07,259 --> 00:22:10,594 and our rope is holding up Darryl's pants, 429 00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:13,931 we'll settle for an exit upstage center. 430 00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:18,469 [APPLAUSE] 431 00:22:23,275 --> 00:22:26,844 - Oh Michael, to think we almost let Bernie and Shirley 432 00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,979 break up our happy home. 433 00:22:29,148 --> 00:22:31,014 - I'm reminded of the immortal words of Toni Tennille 434 00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:34,518 when she warbled, "Love, love will keep us together." 435 00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:36,587 - Come, my captain, let us celebrate with a bottle 436 00:22:36,756 --> 00:22:39,256 of Dick and Joanna's finest champagne. 437 00:22:39,425 --> 00:22:42,860 - Or maybe Dick and Joanna's finest tap water. 438 00:22:46,232 --> 00:22:48,232 [BABY TALKING] 439 00:22:49,402 --> 00:22:51,168 - Dick. 440 00:22:57,343 --> 00:23:02,713 - Dick! Baby Steph called me Dick! 441 00:23:04,984 --> 00:23:07,050 I wonder what she wants. 442 00:23:14,594 --> 00:23:17,595 [♪♪♪] 443 00:23:43,489 --> 00:23:44,522 - Meow. 34304

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