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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:04,169 [♪♪♪] 2 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:56,021 - Now this lovely home has three spacious bedrooms, 3 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:57,189 a country kitchen, 4 00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,324 and a terrace overlooking the 18th fairway 5 00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:00,926 at Johnnycake Country Club; 6 00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:05,264 and it's been reduced to $199,500. 7 00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:07,666 [PHONE RINGS] 8 00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:10,069 Hi, you're on the air with Joanna Loudon. 9 00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,803 WOMAN: Hello, Joanna. 10 00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:15,474 That dress looks darling on you. 11 00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:18,110 What shoes are you wearing with it? 12 00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:19,111 - Uh, heels. 13 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,813 Did you have a question about the house? 14 00:01:21,982 --> 00:01:24,216 WOMAN: What house is that, dear? 15 00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:26,818 - Thank you for calling. 16 00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,720 [PHONE RINGS] 17 00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:30,589 You're on the air with Joanna Loudon. 18 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,824 WOMAN: Are you wearing flats? 19 00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:37,262 - I just told the other caller I'm wearing heels. 20 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,864 WOMAN: With those earrings? 21 00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,201 Are you crazy? 22 00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,805 - We'll be right back after this message. 23 00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:48,840 [COMMERCIAL BREAK MELODY] - And we're out. 24 00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:56,681 - So, uh, those--those shoes are called heels, huh? 25 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,550 - I've been hosting this show for eight months, 26 00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:01,453 and nobody seems to understand that I'm selling houses. 27 00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:03,855 - Well, maybe now is a good time to remind the viewers 28 00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:05,790 what--what the concept is. 29 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:09,294 - You could start by refreshing my memory. 30 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,497 - It's a real estate program. 31 00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:13,798 - It's not a fashion show? 32 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,700 You're not a model? 33 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:17,836 - Bud, don't be silly. 34 00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,472 J-Joanna's not young enough... 35 00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:26,111 to be old enough to be a model. 36 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:31,116 - Back in five, four, three, two... 37 00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:35,020 - [SIGHS] Welcome back to Your House is My House. 38 00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:37,456 Note the name of my show. 39 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:40,159 It's not Your Shoes Are My Shoes. 40 00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:41,260 No, no, no. 41 00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:43,462 I show houses and you can buy them. 42 00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:44,763 Simple enough, isn't it? 43 00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:46,931 [PHONE RINGS] 44 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,567 You're on the air with Joanna Loudon. 45 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:51,002 MAN: Yeah, thanks for reminding me and the wife 46 00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:53,772 about what your show's about and everything, 47 00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:54,939 I got a question. 48 00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:56,141 - Go ahead. 49 00:02:57,311 --> 00:03:00,111 MAN: How do you keep them teeth of yours so damn white? 50 00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:09,621 [BABY CRIES] 51 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,523 - Oh yes, you are. 52 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,124 Oh yes, you are. 53 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:14,159 [BABY GIGGLES] 54 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:17,229 Oh yes, you are. 55 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:22,767 - Baby Stephanie is getting more and more beautiful every day. 56 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,002 - And? 57 00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:27,306 - Oh, right. Momma Stephanie is getting more and more beautiful 58 00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:29,040 every day too. 59 00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:33,612 - Oh, stop it, George, you're embarrassing me. 60 00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,380 - Boy, it's sure going to be confusing 61 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,882 having two Stephanies around here. 62 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,084 - Why, G-guy? 63 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,320 - Well, let's say five years from now, 64 00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:43,888 I get my head stuck in the banister 65 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,758 and I call out, "Help me, Stephanie!" 66 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,727 Which one of you will come running? 67 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,696 - Oh, that's easy. Michael would. 68 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:54,866 - I guess I was worried for nothing. 69 00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,835 - Bye-bye, pretty little Stephie. 70 00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:58,537 - Bye, George. 71 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,475 - Oh yes, you are. 72 00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:06,578 Oh yes, you are. - [BABY GIGGLES] 73 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,013 - Hey, feast your peepers, innkeepers. 74 00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:15,354 - Oh, honey, we're invited to the official viewing 75 00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:16,921 of baby Stephanie. 76 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,957 - We felt the town should be allowed to pay homage 77 00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,260 to our creation. 78 00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:24,730 - Wait a minute, you invited the whole town here? 79 00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:26,798 - Well, we thought about having it at our place, 80 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:30,034 but you know what a mess these townspeople make. 81 00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:32,404 - But, don't you think it would have been a good idea 82 00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:34,473 to ask our permission first? 83 00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:35,974 - Well, what would you have said? 84 00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,809 - Absolutely not. 85 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,645 - Well, then it wouldn't have been a good idea, 86 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,146 would it, Dick? 87 00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:43,882 - I--I suppose not. 88 00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:45,384 - Now run along and put one of those flyers 89 00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:47,452 under every windshield wiper in town. 90 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:48,420 - Righty-o. 91 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:50,855 - And, you know, don't limit yourself to the town. 92 00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:53,458 Flag down cars on--on the interstate. 93 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:55,460 - Adios, all. 94 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,995 Sayonara, little Stephie-san. 95 00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,097 [BABY CRIES] 96 00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,166 Golly wompers, every time I speak to her 97 00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:03,435 it's howl-o-rama. 98 00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:04,603 - Well, maybe she's having trouble 99 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:09,541 understanding whatever language it is that you speak. 100 00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:11,777 - Could be, could be. 101 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,612 From now on, I speak plain. 102 00:05:13,781 --> 00:05:15,146 Goodbye, everybody. 103 00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:17,749 Goodbye, young girl. 104 00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,984 [BABY CRIES] 105 00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:23,154 Is there some tragic flaw in this novice Pa? 106 00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:28,293 - Joanna, your show was on today. 107 00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:29,795 - Did you watch it? 108 00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,996 - No, but whenever you wear those silly heels 109 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,765 with those ridiculous earrings, 110 00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,067 I always know something's up. 111 00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:39,170 - Does everyone in this town 112 00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:41,973 think my show is about my wardrobe? 113 00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:45,076 - Heck, it's about a lot more than that. 114 00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,679 It's about your makeup, your hairdo. 115 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,881 - Nobody takes what I do seriously. 116 00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:50,882 - Well, honey, maybe you know, 117 00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:53,251 they're just blinded by your beauty. 118 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,954 I mean, a lot of people watch my show just because, 119 00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:59,057 you know, they--they think I'm a stud. 120 00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:05,230 - Hello. 121 00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:09,234 - Hey. 122 00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:11,269 I know you. 123 00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:13,772 You're Joanna Loudon from TV. 124 00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:16,174 Only here you're almost real. 125 00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,177 - Does my blusher look as natural in person 126 00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,212 as it does on my beauty show? 127 00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:22,714 - You have two shows? 128 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,983 I only watch the real estate one. 129 00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:28,987 - Oh, well d-do yourself a favor a-and catch the beauty show... 130 00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:32,156 it's excellent, just--just excellent. 131 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:33,558 - I will. 132 00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:37,028 In the meantime, I'm in the market for a house 133 00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:40,632 and that three-bedroom Tudor you showed sure was cool. 134 00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,434 [GIGGLES] 135 00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:45,336 - Well, would you like to see it right now? 136 00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:47,939 It's even cooler on the inside. 137 00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,441 - Neat! 138 00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:58,349 - Well, I'm glad you got our flyer 139 00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:03,054 but I'm not sure I want a busload of nuns 140 00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:07,292 on some spiritual quest coming to my baby's viewing. 141 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,094 An offering? 142 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,196 Well how much are we talking? 143 00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:18,503 [SCOFFS] Oh, don't plead poverty with me, sister. 144 00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:21,506 - Some nuns, huh? 145 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,509 - Yeah, just the take from one bingo game 146 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:26,878 would qualify them as sponsors. 147 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,714 - Sponsors? 148 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:33,051 - Yeah, a gift up to $20 makes you a sponsor of the baby. 149 00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:34,619 And $20 to $50 makes you a patron. 150 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,888 And anything over $50, you're an angel. 151 00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:43,628 - And what benefit is there in becoming, you know, an angel, 152 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:48,767 aside from th-the obvious perk of eternal life in heaven? 153 00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:51,235 - You get to hold little Stephie. 154 00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:53,805 Patrons can only look at her. 155 00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:56,741 - So, what do sponsors get to do? 156 00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:59,143 Press their noses up against the windows? 157 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,712 [LAUGHS] 158 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:06,250 Sponsors get to press their noses up against... 159 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:12,223 - But of course, you and Joanna will want to be angels. 160 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:15,293 - Well, since we gave you the carriage house rent-free, 161 00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:20,565 out back, w-we thought that maybe we already were angels. 162 00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:23,468 If--if not demigods. 163 00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:28,740 - Well, houses are not part of our registered gift list. 164 00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:32,443 We have you and Joanna down for a big screen TV. 165 00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:38,449 - Oh, a-and maybe a-a big satellite dish to go with it? 166 00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:39,985 - Too unsightly. 167 00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:42,153 A little dish would do. 168 00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,356 - So, how--how was house-hunting? 169 00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:49,060 - Nifty! Especially the Tudor. 170 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:50,061 From the powder room, 171 00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,463 you get this amazing view of the whole town. 172 00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:56,134 The graveyard, the sewage plant, the dump. 173 00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:57,201 - I-I bet on a clear day 174 00:08:58,304 --> 00:08:59,638 you can see all--all the way to the slaughterhouse. 175 00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:01,573 - I hope, I hope, I hope. 176 00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:05,410 - You're buying a house? 177 00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:07,012 Well, hold off on the down payment 178 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,548 until you read this. 179 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:13,151 - Wow, a baby viewing. 180 00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,720 Is this your baby? 181 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:16,721 - Yeah. 182 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,124 And that little look just cost you $20 to $50. 183 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:21,793 - Worth every penny. 184 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:27,265 - Well, thanks, you're an angel. 185 00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:29,133 Well, a patron. 186 00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,337 - Uh, Dave. 187 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:37,341 You know, if you like the Tudor, should we write up an offer? 188 00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:42,814 - No, it had a flagstone walkway. 189 00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:43,815 - So? 190 00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:46,284 - Joanna, everybody knows that walking on flagstone 191 00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:49,520 causes memory loss in laboratory rats. 192 00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:53,058 - Dave, you could have the flagstones ripped out. 193 00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:57,629 - Yeah, but I'd always know they'd been there. 194 00:09:57,798 --> 00:10:00,465 - Not--not if you walked on it a lot. 195 00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:07,072 - What about the Victorian on Manor Circle? 196 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,608 - It had smoke detectors. 197 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,477 - Yeah, you finally get your house to go up in flames 198 00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:15,580 and then--then the darn buzzers start going off. 199 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,317 - I think we should keep looking. 200 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,987 How many houses are for sale in this county? 201 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,354 - Maybe a thousand? 202 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:24,489 - Oooh. 203 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:26,124 Better get cracking. 204 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:27,225 Race you to the station wagon. 205 00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:28,559 Ready? Go! 206 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:30,762 - Dick, what should I do? 207 00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:32,998 - Honey, you know, if-- if you hurdle the front hedge 208 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,199 you could still beat him. 209 00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:36,801 Hustle, hustle! 210 00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:46,244 [BABY GIGGLES] 211 00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:50,982 - Okay, your $20 are up. 212 00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,490 Dick, are you trying to sneak a look at our baby 213 00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:02,060 without giving her a present first? 214 00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:06,097 - Boy, that punch sure looks inviting, doesn't it? 215 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:09,167 - Keep an eye on that one, he's wily. 216 00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:19,210 - Hi, I'm Larry. 217 00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:20,378 This is my brother, Darryl. 218 00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,313 And this is my other brother, Darryl. 219 00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:27,152 - I'm not going to look, will you get away from me? 220 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,486 - We're here to view Miss Stephanie's 221 00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:31,189 cherished offspring, Miss Stephanie. 222 00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:33,825 Huh? 223 00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,927 Darryl feels it must be mind-boggling to have 224 00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,863 two family members with the same name. 225 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,838 - Aren't you guys kind of in--in the same boat? 226 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,740 - I don't think so. 227 00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:50,208 Hi, I'm Larry. 228 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:51,810 This is my brother, Darryl. 229 00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:54,012 And this is my other brother, Darryl. 230 00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:56,748 Nope, no Stephanies in our family. 231 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,187 - Oooooh. [RATTLING IN BOX] 232 00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:04,488 A Tiffany rattle. 233 00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:06,991 - Darryl cautions you to proceed carefully. 234 00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:10,261 The rattle is still attached to its original owner. 235 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:14,132 [BOX RATTLES] 236 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,400 - Oh yeah, that must be from 237 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,971 Tiffany's new reptile department. 238 00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:21,239 - Eek! 239 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,341 - Sir George, would you take this outside 240 00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:24,408 to that other gift table? 241 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,878 You know, the one behind the garage. 242 00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:28,479 - You mean the garbage can? 243 00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:30,314 Oh, that gift table. 244 00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:33,618 - Since Darryl here hunted for the gift, 245 00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:37,155 he should have the honor of holding baby Stephie. 246 00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:41,692 - Well, I don't know if your gift was worth $50. 247 00:12:41,828 --> 00:12:45,596 - The defanging and Darryl's anti-venom shot cost $80. 248 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:50,668 - Okay, you're allowed to lift our lassie, laddie. 249 00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:53,371 [BABY CRIES] 250 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:57,842 [BABY STOPS CRYING] 251 00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:02,147 Well, obviously, you're no novice to neonatal. 252 00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:05,516 - Darryl's never cuddled a sweet young thing before. 253 00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:07,786 Unless you count Darryl. 254 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,355 - Show us the way to the baby! 255 00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:12,356 - You can't miss her. 256 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:14,826 She's the only one in the room who's drooling. 257 00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,661 Except for Thor here. 258 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:21,800 - Put me down as patron. 259 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,067 Three general admission tickets 260 00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,569 to the big carnival in Toyville. 261 00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:29,307 They got a Canadian goose that mambos. 262 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:30,374 - Well, if you're good for a goose, 263 00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:32,143 we're good for a gander. 264 00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:36,547 - And Jim sprung for the bus tickets to Toyville. 265 00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,850 - No. Changed my mind. 266 00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:42,253 - Three tickets to the Moscow circus. 267 00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,923 - At world-famous Radio City Music Hall. 268 00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:48,426 They've got a Soviet bear that cha-chas. 269 00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,432 - Jim Dixon, we agreed the best we could afford 270 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,201 was patron category. 271 00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,937 You made me pinky swear. 272 00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:03,474 - I-In this state, pinky swearing is legally binding. 273 00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:04,909 R-Right, Thor? 274 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,447 - I didn't want to come off an old tightwad, 275 00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:11,282 like some people. 276 00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:14,018 - It's not my fault my electric bill is sky high. 277 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,019 - Well, it's no wonder. 278 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,521 You keep the heat on day in and day out. 279 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,924 It's like a darn oven in your house. 280 00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:21,259 - Please stop arguing. 281 00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:25,296 Or I'll have to deduct seconds from your baby-holding time. 282 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:27,798 - Brace yourself for a blast of bawling, boyskie. 283 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,234 [BABY COOS SOFTLY] 284 00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:32,803 - Aw, she's purring. 285 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:36,640 - Dickums, my babe in arms goes goo-goo for the guests, 286 00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:38,977 but poo-poos her own Papa. 287 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,351 - Michael and Stephanie are frantic. 288 00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:47,551 They've unwrapped all their gifts 289 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,655 and they can't find your TV or satellite dish. 290 00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:54,292 - I didn't buy them, George. 291 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,594 - You looked at baby Stephanie without paying? 292 00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,863 What's happening to you, Dick? 293 00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:02,233 - I'm a cheap piece of dirt, George. 294 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,204 - I showed Dave another 20 houses. 295 00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:08,306 He found something wrong with every single one of them. 296 00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:09,307 Wait till you hear this. 297 00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:10,308 - First time-- - No time, no time. 298 00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:12,676 I've got to buy a big screen. 299 00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:15,346 - It was this old colonial on Maskell Road. 300 00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:18,049 He said the doorbell sounded insincere. 301 00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:19,317 I'm giving up. 302 00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,752 I mean, I'm not supposed to sell real estate. 303 00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:23,554 Obviously, I should change my name to Jolene 304 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,957 and open up a beauty parlor. 305 00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:29,693 - Well, Jolene, before you quit, you should go to his house. 306 00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:31,396 - And beat him to a pulp? 307 00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:32,630 - Well, you could. 308 00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,065 But you could also get an idea 309 00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:35,400 of the kind of house he'd like 310 00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:37,168 by seeing where he lives now. 311 00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:38,769 It's like when I had to replace the legs 312 00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:40,638 on the dining room table. 313 00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,473 I couldn't figure which kind to use. 314 00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,608 So, flashlight in my mouth, 315 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,045 I crawled underneath to have a look. 316 00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:48,046 - And that helped? 317 00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:50,714 - No, but I found a quarter in Dick's cuff. 318 00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:53,151 - Well, I couldn't go over there now anyway, 319 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,385 Dick just took the car. 320 00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:55,886 - I could drive you in my pickup. 321 00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:57,388 - Oh, George, let's go. 322 00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:58,423 - And on the way, 323 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:00,325 I'll tell you about the time I found a penny 324 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:01,525 in Dick's loafer. 325 00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:04,495 See, I had to replace a leg on your bed so, 326 00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:05,830 flashlight in my mouth, 327 00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:08,433 I crawled underneath to have a look... 328 00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:09,867 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 329 00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:11,469 - Dave? 330 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,737 It's Joanna. 331 00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:17,041 DAVE: Oh, hi, Joanna. How you doing? 332 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:18,176 - Fine. 333 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,279 I brought our handyman, George Utley, over with me. 334 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:23,381 DAVE: Nice to meet you, George. 335 00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:25,749 - Nice to meet you, Dave. 336 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,051 DAVE: Thanks for stopping by. 337 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:29,387 - Anytime. 338 00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:33,057 - Dave, we came over to see your house. 339 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:34,825 DAVE: Hope you liked it. 340 00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:37,328 - We sure did. 341 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,598 - Dave, I'd like to see the inside of your house 342 00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:43,567 so I have an idea what you're looking for. 343 00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:46,204 DAVE: Oh. No, Joanna, you can't come in. 344 00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:49,173 I'm not wearing...socks. 345 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:52,743 - I promise I won't look at you from the neck down. 346 00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:57,181 [SHOES TAPPING ON FLOOR] 347 00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:01,652 DAVE: So, uh, 348 00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:05,056 anybody care for a soft drink? 349 00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:09,394 GEORGE: You got any Tom Collins mix? 350 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,961 DAVE: Finished it off at breakfast. 351 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,563 I got no-salt seltzer. 352 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:15,166 GEORGE: No, I'm having that for dinner. 353 00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:16,334 Got anything else? 354 00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:17,402 DAVE: How about soup? 355 00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,203 I got tomato, cream of mushroom-- 356 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,339 JOANNA: Dave, Dave. 357 00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:24,909 Could you turn on the lights? 358 00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:27,278 DAVE: I knew you'd ask that. 359 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,292 - Dave. 360 00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:45,563 This room is... 361 00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:47,165 a little... 362 00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:48,766 bizarro. 363 00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:55,940 - It's no more bizarro than my shrine to Lee Meriwether. 364 00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:00,545 But your space flows better. 365 00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:05,083 - At least now I know what you like. 366 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,684 - Yeah. 367 00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:08,152 You. 368 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,956 Wasn't it neat spending all those afternoons 369 00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:13,791 driving around together? 370 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,995 - Yeah, neat. 371 00:18:18,164 --> 00:18:20,498 You never wanted to buy a house, did you, Dave? 372 00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,066 - Oh, sure I did! 373 00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,668 I loved the one with the flagstone walkway. 374 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:27,205 - You said you hated flagstone. 375 00:18:27,373 --> 00:18:31,842 - Wow, an entire bedroom set made out of flagstone. 376 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:36,314 Aren't you afraid that canopy is going to fall on your head? 377 00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:42,353 - Dave, can you afford a house? 378 00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,589 - Well, that depends. 379 00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:45,823 Um. 380 00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:51,996 [DROPS CHANGE INTO PIGGY BANK] Is $240,000 enough? 381 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:57,301 - You have $240,000 in my head? 382 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,902 - It's amazing how much money you can save 383 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:02,240 by not keeping the heat on day in, day out. 384 00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:05,343 - You saved that money just by conserving energy? 385 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:06,344 - Yeah. 386 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:10,214 Also, my aunt left me $239,500 in her will. 387 00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:14,252 - You know, Dave... 388 00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:17,255 I know sometimes when a young man meets someone 389 00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:20,924 who is kind of well-known and glamorous, 390 00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:23,161 it's easy to be dazzled. 391 00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:26,164 But there comes a time when you have to let go. 392 00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:27,998 - Okay. 393 00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,368 - I mean there's a grieving process that we all go through 394 00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,870 when the beautiful love object of our dreams 395 00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:34,104 slips out of reach. 396 00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:36,240 - I've already let you go, Joanna. 397 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,778 Boy, you're really a little stuck on yourself, aren't you? 398 00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:46,617 I get these crushes every couple of weeks. 399 00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:52,456 Lately I've been getting tingly feelings about Sally Struthers. 400 00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:56,794 - Well, now that you're moving on to Miss Struthers, 401 00:19:56,929 --> 00:20:00,431 do you want me to take that mannequin off your hands? 402 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,501 - You really want a mannequin of me? 403 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:05,769 - Boy, you are stuck on yourself. 404 00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,139 I'm going to glue Lee Meriwether's picture 405 00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:10,708 over your face. 406 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,378 At least she's not an egomaniac. 407 00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:24,021 - Thanks for Stephie-sitting, sir. 408 00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:25,523 - Michael, have you and big Stephanie 409 00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:27,091 finished inventory? 410 00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,627 - Yeah, the total tally is five angels, 22 sponsors, 411 00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:33,197 16 patrons and one cheap piece of dirt. 412 00:20:35,635 --> 00:20:38,869 - That's Mr. Cheap Piece of Dirt to you. 413 00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:42,440 [BABY CRIES] 414 00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:45,376 - Oh, please wall up that wailing. 415 00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:46,611 If you dry your ducts, darling, 416 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,380 Daddy will buy you a Bill Blass baby blankie. 417 00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:52,717 [BABY STOPS CRYING] 418 00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:56,186 Gadzooks, all I have to do is bribe her 419 00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:58,789 like I do her namesake. 420 00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:00,558 Hush hush, sweet Stephette. 421 00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:03,394 There's a pair of itty-bitty Dijean booties in it for you. 422 00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:05,496 [BABY GIGGLES] 423 00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:08,299 Oh, Dickie, my little bundle can be bought. 424 00:21:15,241 --> 00:21:17,341 - Honey, guess what? 425 00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:19,843 I sold Dave a house! 426 00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:22,613 - And all along I thought you became a real estate agent 427 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:25,215 just to see your name on bus benches. 428 00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:27,851 - So, I guess I'm not just a fashion plate 429 00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:30,154 with a fabulous face and figure after all. 430 00:21:30,323 --> 00:21:33,190 - No, but you're becoming one heck of an egomaniac. 431 00:21:34,327 --> 00:21:35,159 Honey, congratulations. 432 00:21:35,328 --> 00:21:36,927 - Thanks. 433 00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:40,898 - Neat, huh? 434 00:21:41,066 --> 00:21:45,336 Dave sold me this cool Joanna-quin for $30 bucks. 435 00:21:45,505 --> 00:21:46,337 - Highway robbery, George. 436 00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:49,039 I could've sold you the original for $25. 437 00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:02,853 [♪♪♪] 438 00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:29,647 - Miaow. 32595

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