All language subtitles for Newhart_S08E11

[♪♪♪]

- Stephanie,
are those headphones?

- Actually they're womb phones.

- Womb phones?

- Why? See, yesterday there was
this German psychologist

on that gab show
Frankly Female .

I taped it by accident.

- Like you accidentally tape
The Bold and the Beautiful

every day?

- I on--I only watch it
for the bold stuff.

- Anyway, this German expert
said that children in the womb,

or womb kinder,

can actually hear sounds
before they're born.

- A-And what are th-the young
kids listening to these days?

- Oh, Mother Goose
and that Sesame Seed stuff.

- But not our little bittle.

- The Art of the Deal
by Donald Trump?

- Today's tikes
are tomorrow's tycoons.

- Stephanie,
I think you're putting

too much pressure
on the baby.

- You should feel what
it's doing to my bladder.

- Zounds, this bad boy
better blow.

Cans on the bottom,
eggs on top.

Cans on the bottom,
eggs on top.

- Hardest working grocery clerk
in Vermont.

- Cans on the bottom,
eggs on top.

Cans on the bottom...uh,
what's on top?

- Eggs.
- Right.

- Restless night, George?

- Oh, I've been tossing
and turning a lot lately.

It's this recurring nightmare
I keep having

over and over
and over again.

- Yeah, recurring nightmares
are better, you know,

when you only have them,
like, once.

- What's it about?

- Well, I'm standing
on this really high cliff,

surrounded by a blueish fog,
just like in those rock videos,

only I'm not wearing
spandex pants.

- Yeah, that--that would be
a nightmare.

- A glittery figure is standing
behind me, whispering,

"Jump, George, jump,"

and just as I turn to see
who it is,

I'm pushed off the cliff
into the unknown.

I start falling and just when
I'm about to hit the ground,

boing, I wake up.

- That's because if you hit
the ground, you'd die.

And they say, you know,
if you die in your dreams,

that y-you really die.

- I didn't know that.

- Well, you know,
it's just what they say.

- Well, they wouldn't say it
if they didn't mean it.

- George, trust me,
you don't have to worry

about dying in your sleep.

- You bet I don't, 'cause
I'm never going to sleep again.

[WHISTLES]

Anybody want coffee?

It's caffeinated.

- I think--think I'll pass,
George.

Normally, I--I love a big jolt
of caffeine, you know,

just--just before bedtime.

- You're not really planning
to stay up forever?

- Why not?

Maybe man doesn't
really need sleep.

- Probably just a lazy habit
that he's gotten used to.

- I knew you'd mock me.

- "George Utley to stay awake
for the rest of life.

"Dick Loudon
expected to mock him."

Boy, the new editor's
really on top of things.

- Nice old photo of you
with your watermelon.

- Oh, thanks.

That was taken the night
of my senior prom.

I tried to get a date.

[JOANNA SIGHS]

- Is this a schedule?

- Yeah. Some of my pals
are taking turns

coming over
to keep me awake.

- You have me down
for the 5 a.m. shift.

- Well, goodnight, George.
I'm off to bed.

Sweet--hmm, never mind.

- Hi, I'm Larry.

This is my brother Darryl,

and this is my other brother
Darryl.

- Hey, my first shift is here.

- We come bearing gifts.

Not unlike three wise men
on another special night.

- I gather you bring gold,
frankincense and myrrh?

- Oh Dick, you gather
incorrectly yet again,

though you did happen to name
two of our accountants.

- Gold and Myrrh?

- No, Frank and Incense.

A thermos of warm milk,
your favorite bedtime stories,

and Burl Ives' Christmas album.

- I-I thought the object
was to keep George awake.

- That's where these come in.

Nice sharp knitting needles.

- George, listen.
I-I hate to tell you this.

I know, you know,
you're scared,

but, I mean,
you-you've got to sleep.

Ah!

- You made your point,
and now Darryl has made his.

- Guess I can sleep
on my stomach.

- It looks like your brothers

have had enough excitement
for one evening.

- They've never been ones
for small talk.

That's why they continually
refuse to attend

Mary and Swifty Lazar's
post-Oscar party at Spago's.

- You know, Larry, we've known
each other a long time.

I'll bet we have
a lot in common.

- Like what?

- Well, we both wear hats.

- Hey, you're right.

Want to switch?

- Okay.

- Want to switch back?
- Okay.

[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]

- Hop. Hop.

Hop. Hop. Hop.

[♪♪♪]

Hop. Hop.

Hop. Hop. Hop.

- Morning, Dick.

You remember Miss Goddard,
the town librarian.

- Hop on!

There's always room
for another cute boy bunny.

- And Mr. Rusnak,
Circus of Shoes.

- Touch my hips and die.

- And me, you know me.

- Not anymore, George.

- Hey, you're early
for your shift.

This is bunny-hopping time.

- George, the '50s
were bunny-hopping time.

Four a.m. is--

sleeping time.

- It's guys like you
who killed the hustle.

- Why don't you take this
hopathon back to your place?

- And wake my elk?

- You keep an elk
in your apartment?

- I've got two bedrooms.

- Well, then you've got
the room.

G-George, your bunny hopping
i-is waking up the entire inn.

[SNORING]

- Larry and the guys
don't mind the noise. Eh?

Larry says they chase cars
in their sleep.

- I've seen them do it awake.

- Pin on the top, boys.

Time for another
bunny hop sandwich!

[MUSIC STARTS AGAIN]
- No! No sandwich.

Everyone out of here
and--and go to sleep.

- If George sleeps, he dreams.

If he dreams, he dies.

Is that what you want, Loudon?

- Miss Goddard,
you're an educated woman.

Tell George
it-it's just an old wives tale.

- Oh George,
I don't want you to die!

- I don't want me to die either.

- It's moments like these
that make me wish

God had given me emotions.

- It's moments like these

that make me question
this town's sanity.

- If I have to die,
I want to die a hero's death,

like fixing a TV antenna
in the middle of a thunderstorm,

not like some cartoon coyote
falling off a cliff.

- Pardon me, but Wile E. Coyote
never actually dies.

The impact just forces his legs
into his head

and he walks around all
squished up for a few minutes.

- Well, I don't want that
to happen either.

- Well, maybe you could try
flapping your arms

before you crash, like this.

- That'll work.

- Oh, I don't know.

My arms aren't
as mighty as yours.

I better just stay awake.

- Perhaps I could provide
some alluring diversions.

- Hey! No diversions in my inn.

George, I'm, uh, I-I'm worried
about you.

I mean, b-bunny hopping
a-at four in the morning.

I-I think--I think you need
professional help.

- From Arthur Murray?

- No, from Dr. Mary Kaiser.
- [ALL GASP]

- Dick! Everybody knows

no Utley has ever been
to a psychiatrist.

- Well, you know,
I knew no Utley

had ever been
to a chiropractor.

- You think
that I need a shrink?

I thought you were my friend.

- Look, George....
- I'm not finished.

Or was I?

I guess maybe I was.

- George--
- No, no, there's more.

You may think I'm confused,

but there are two things
I'm absolutely sure of.

One is
that I don't need therapy.

- An-And what's the other one?

- I bunny hop or I die.

- Come on, George.
Grab my hips and live.

- Hop. Hop.

Hop. Hop. Hop.

[♪♪♪]

Hop. Hop.

Hop. Hop. Hop.

- There you go.

Hope you, uh, enjoyed--enjoyed
your stay.

- Right.

That's why
I'm checking out at 7 a.m.

I'll hop, hop, hop over to
the Ramada and get some sleep.

- I-I-I wish you'd give us
a-another shot.

This--this really is
a very peaceful little inn.

[ELECTRIC SAW WHIRRING]

- You know, Dick?

I can't help noticing
this wall doesn't do anything

except hold up those pictures.

- And the fireplace
and the ceiling

a-and the big support beam that
supports everything in the inn.

- I don't care.
I'm taking her down.

- George, George!

You've been awake
for 32 hours.

You're tired, very tired.

Give me the saw.
Turn it off first!

George, why don't you just busy
yourself w-with something else?

- There is that leaky
gas line in the basement.

I'll get my blowtorch.

- George...

why don't you just tinker?

- Yeah, I can tinker.
I can tinker better than anyone.

Don't sleep, tinker.
Don't sleep, just tinker.

Tinker.

- Morning.

- Oh hi, I was just
coming up to wake you.

- A simple tap on the shoulder
would have sufficed.

- Some-something wrong?

[SIGHS]

- The womb phones
double crossed us.

We thought Trump
was teaching our baby

how to use strong-arm tactics

to wangle other babies
out of their millions.

- But the tape wasn't playing.

All this time, the recorder
was switched to radio, AM radio.

- To a country western station.

BOTH:
Eww!

- Oh God, right now,
our child is doing a two-step.

- Well, it certainly
has womb to dance.

- Nice, Dick.

A pathetic pun
during our moment of crisis.

- Oh, don't listen to Dick.
I don't.

Why don't the two of you
go get some breakfast?

- Well, I suppose a nice
bowl of grits would help--

Michael, did you hear
what I said?

I said grits,
what's happening to me?

- It's the demon hayseed
inside you.

- Oh Michael,
please promise me

we won't have to move
to the Ozarks.

- I wish I could, Steph,
but I cain't.

- Oh!

[RANDOM BANGING WITH HAMMER]

- That, uh, that wall been
bothering you too, George?

- Oh no, I like this wall.
These are just love taps.

- Oh! Dick, Dick.

- Yeah, all right,

I better call for
an appointment with Dr. Kaiser.

- You want to make one
for me too?

- The, uh, the receptionist said
that Dr. Kaiser'd be right out.

- Yeah, as soon as she revs up
her atomic brain machine.

- She--she doesn't use machines,
George.

She--she just--she just talks.

- Okay, but she better not
get personal.

- That's--that's her job,
George.

Don't--don't you understand
the concept of therapy?

- No. Maybe I don't.

Or maybe you're just
transferring hostility

to avoid confronting your own
feelings of inadequacy.

- Hello. You must be George.

- It's like she's undressing
my mind with her eyes.

- And Dick, I haven't seen you

since that marriage counseling
group last year.

And how is your lovely
ex-wife, Joanna?

- We're--we're still married.

- Ah. [CHUCKLES]
Lost that bet.

And now, if you don't mind.

- Oh right, I'll just,
I'll, uh, wait...outside.

- Well then,
where shall we start?

- I don't want to die!

- Let's start there.
Would you like to lie down?

- Okay.

[STUTTERS]

I see your little game.

I lie down, all my change
falls between the cushions.

- You found me out, George.

- Oh, that ain't
going to happen, lady.

- I think what we should do is
have you close your eyes, relax,

and describe your dream to me.

- Well, I'm standing
on this cliff.

- And you're covered
in a hazy sort of bluish fog?

- How did you know?

- I read it in the paper.

And that glittery figure
is standing behind you.

- Uh-huh, and it's
about to push me off.

- Let it, George. Let it.
- I don't want it to.

Too late!

I'm falling...falling...
falling...falling...

- George.
- Falling...falling...falling.

- Can you hear me, George?
- Falling, falling...

- George.
- I'm still falling...

falling...falling...falling...

Where am I?

PEGGY FLEMING:
Johnnycake Pond.

- Oh, yeah.

And that's Johnnycake Cliff.

PEGGY FLEMING:
You're right.

You see? You didn't die.

You did land
in the water though.

- Oh yeah, I was wondering why
my shorts were sticking to me.

Are you God?

PEGGY FLEMING:
No.

- Are you God's wife?

PEGGY FLEMING:
No.

But I am world renowned
figure skater Peggy Fleming.

- You are Peggy Fleming!

And that's that glittery outfit
you wore at Grenoble France

when you were
the figure skating champion

in the 1968 Winter Olympics!

- Oh George,
you're making me blush.

- Hey, you're the one who keeps
pushing me off that cliff.

What the heck's wrong with you?

- Well, I'm doing it to help you
get over your fear.

- Of dying?

- No, of swimming.

- Swimming?

Oh, that's right.
I never learned how.

Hey, you know,
the kids used to tease me

because I wouldn't
jump off that cliff.

- Well, no one's ever
going to tease you again.

- Why, are you going to
run over their feet

with your ice skates?

- No. I'm just here
to remind you

that swimming lessons begin
at your local YMCA next week.

- Oh yeah, I keep seeing that
flyer in the hardware store.

Wait a minute!

Wouldn't this dream
have more impact

if you were a swimmer?

- This is your dream,
not mine, George.

- Good point.

You want to do
a little skinny dipping?

- This dream is over, George.

But remember, it's never
too late to learn to swim.

It's never too late
to learn to swim.

- It's never too late
to learn to swim.

Never too late
to learn to swim.

Never too late
to learn to swim.

Never too late
to learn to swim.

- "Heaven's too great
to spurn within."

That's it.

I believe that George
has finally learned

to face his fears

by seeing death more
as a passage than as an end.

- I thought he was saying "Never
too late to learn to swim."

- No, no, no, no, no.

That's why I have
this wall of diplomas.

Anyway, I'm free now

if there's anything
you would care to discuss.

- A-Actually there is.
There is something.

Do you ever have the feeling
that you're the only sane person

in--in a town full of crazies?

- Is that how you feel?

- All the time.

- I see.

Well, my appointment book
is in the outer office.

Why don't I just go
and put you down for, oh,

every day next week.

- Oh no, see--see, I can't
afford, uh...

- Where's George?

We brought him
some Retin-A cream.

Not sleeping is like putting out
a welcome mat for wrinkles.

- And tell him
it's very expensive.

He should only use it on
the parts of his body that show.

- Actually, George's
sleeping problems are over.

- Deja-coincidence.

So are our womb phone woes.

- Weally?

- If our little dogie
wants to be a C&W singer,

that's OK-Corral with us.

- Although I still won't do
a mother-daughter thing

like the Judds.

- You know, I--I think
you've grown as people.

- I wouldn't say that.
- I don't think so, do you?

- You realize how much money
there is in country?

I mean, our little
coal miner's daughter--or son--

has the potential
to rake in bazillions.

- Come on, Michael,

I'll cook you up a mess of
corn pone and heap of crawdads.

- Jambalaya!

- Oh Stephanie, you forgot
your wrinkle cream.

- Why don't I just
leave it there, Joanna?

And later,
when you're all alone...

I'm sure you'll do
the honorable thing.

- Well, that does it.

I don't care if their
kid's album goes platinum,

I'm not going to buy it.

You don't...think I need this,
do you, honey?

- You know, I think George
missed the wall over here.

[LAUGHTER]

[♪♪♪]

- Meow!