All language subtitles for Newhart_S08E05

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:04,169 [♪♪♪] 2 00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:57,856 - Reservation for Terry and Irene Sadler. 3 00:00:58,025 --> 00:01:00,025 - Oh yes, yes, we-- we've been expecting you. 4 00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:01,927 I-I'm Dick Loudon. 5 00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:04,196 - Hi. - Hi. 6 00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:06,465 - You're the, uh, the couple from Kansas, right? 7 00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:07,566 - We've been driving for days 8 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:10,735 across this miserable country of ours. 9 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,172 - America. Ha! 10 00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:15,240 What a bunch of hype. 11 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:18,444 - Not having much of a vacation? 12 00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:21,780 - Well, it's been one disappointment after another. 13 00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:23,848 We drove 800 miles out of our way 14 00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:27,586 to see the damn bluegrass of Kentucky. 15 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,556 There's no blue grass. 16 00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:33,425 It's damn green just like everyplace else. 17 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,761 - Well, what a damn hoax. 18 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,863 - And then we head up to Hershey, Pennsylvania 19 00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:42,834 just to drive down their famous chocolate-covered streets. 20 00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:45,370 - They're asphalt, Dick! 21 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,606 Just like anyplace else. 22 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:50,942 - Funny, you know, how do they get away with it? 23 00:01:51,112 --> 00:01:54,913 - Guess what they don't have any of in Buffalo, New York? 24 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,317 - Way ahead of you there, Terry. 25 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,120 - Well, Vermont won't disappoint you. 26 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,589 - Well, I'm sure you're right. 27 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:05,491 Coming up the driveway we could already smell 28 00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:08,026 that clean salt air. 29 00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:09,861 - Yeah, what are we, 30 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,831 about a five-minute walk to the beach? 31 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:17,503 - More like a five-day walk. 32 00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:22,007 We're a good 200 miles from-- from the ocean. 33 00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:23,609 - Then where do you dig for clams 34 00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:26,445 for your famous New England clambakes? 35 00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,247 - We're not famous for clambakes 36 00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:31,550 but we are famous for maple syrup. 37 00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:36,855 - We came to Vermont for clams, not syrup! 38 00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:39,358 - Easy, Irene. 39 00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:42,894 You've been behind the wheel a little too long. 40 00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,896 You could use a nap. 41 00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:47,032 - Room four, top of the stairs. 42 00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,600 - Pumpkin? 43 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:49,734 Huh? 44 00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,404 - Oh, I feel so bad. 45 00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,973 - Oh, they-they'll be better after their nap, George. 46 00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:56,542 - It's not that. 47 00:02:56,710 --> 00:03:00,078 The streets in Hershey aren't chocolate-covered. 48 00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:04,049 Mamma lied to me. 49 00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:11,056 [PHONE RINGS] 50 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:13,659 - Stratford Inn. 51 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:15,994 - Dick, I need a favor and I need it now. 52 00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:21,667 - Any-- anything, name it. Who, uh, who is this? 53 00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:22,767 - Stephanie! 54 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:23,868 - Oh, Stephanie. 55 00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,271 Joanna and I were just saying how nice and quiet it is here 56 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,674 since you, uh-- - Yeah, I miss you too. 57 00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:31,310 Look, the baby showers Mummy lined up for me 58 00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:32,544 were a real bust. 59 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,879 Do you know what these Newport blue hairs give 60 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,215 instead of gifts? 61 00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,782 Their warm wishes. 62 00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,718 Can you believe it? 63 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:42,020 - Wh-Where do they get off? 64 00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:45,224 - Now Dick, you need to run down to Menkey's Market at once, 65 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,859 and tell Michael to hit Menkey up for a huge raise. 66 00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:51,029 - Well, c-couldn't you just call Michael a-at the store? 67 00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:52,964 - Oh, right. 68 00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:54,633 The last employee that got a personal phone call 69 00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,969 had to walk around the store for a month in lead shoes. 70 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,339 - Pretty strict, huh. 71 00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:01,806 - And if he was that hard on his own grandmother, 72 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:04,843 imagine what he'd do to Michael. 73 00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:06,745 - Now, Stephanie, I'm kind of tied up here, 74 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,513 you know, with important stuff-- 75 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,617 - Dick! My unborn child's pampered future is at stake. 76 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:15,053 Now put down the paper airplane and go. 77 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,261 - She must have heard me folding the paper. 78 00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:28,133 - Where are you going? - To the market. 79 00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:30,835 - Oh, good, it'll save me a trip. 80 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:35,907 - Honey, y-you know I can't make out your abbreviations. 81 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,376 Um... 82 00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:39,811 T.P. Now what's that? Toilet paper? 83 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,681 - Don't be silly. Toothpaste. 84 00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:47,419 - And I suppose C.J. is what, cranberry juice? 85 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,621 - Chicken giblets. 86 00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:52,824 - G-Giblets begins with a "G." 87 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,726 - I know that, but if I wrote down C.G. 88 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,295 I'd end up buying crunchy granola 89 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:59,431 and we have a whole box left. 90 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,133 - It's going to be a long day at the market. 91 00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:08,573 [IRON SHOES CLOMPING] 92 00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:14,979 - How's it going, Grandma Menkey? 93 00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:19,785 - Argh, these shoes are murder on me arches. 94 00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:26,291 - Oh, hi, Michael. - Oh, hidey-ho, Dickburger. 95 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,794 How do you like the fruits of my labor? 96 00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,330 - Peachy. 97 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,898 Joanna gave me a shopping list 98 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,368 and I-I can't figure out her--her abbreviations. 99 00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:39,738 D.P., what would that be? Dried pork, date--date pudding? 100 00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:42,106 - Dill pickles, Dickles. 101 00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:45,510 Okay, next. 102 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:46,678 - Uh, L.C.M. 103 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,980 - Low cal mayo. 104 00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:52,150 - G.P. 105 00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:54,285 - Grey Poupon. 106 00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,324 - P.O. 107 00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:02,126 - Pearl onions. 108 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,996 Or it could be pitted olives. 109 00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:07,899 Be safe. Buy both. 110 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:11,269 Hey, don't you kids eat anything but condiments? 111 00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:15,440 - No, we're, uh, diehard condimentalists. 112 00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,409 Oh, a-are these, uh, these seedless grapes? 113 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:20,078 - They don't call them S.G.s for nothing. 114 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:24,315 [SIREN WAILS] 115 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,420 Darn you, Dick! You gobble up a grape, 116 00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:29,521 and Mr. Menkey installed 117 00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:30,922 a sophisticated surveillance system 118 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:34,058 to protect against petty produce pilferers like you. 119 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,428 It's all right, sir, everything's under control! 120 00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:37,763 [SIREN STOPS] 121 00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:42,166 - All I did was eat a grape. 122 00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:43,568 - Yeah, well, your compulsive consumption 123 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,003 could get me canned. 124 00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:47,171 Probably a side effect of that strict condiment diet. 125 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,007 Seek help, Dick. 126 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:51,943 Uh-oh, here's Dirk, Menkey's majordomo. 127 00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:53,845 Let me handle this. 128 00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,313 Hiya, Dirky. 129 00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:59,183 - Menkey saw the incident. 130 00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:00,652 I'm afraid I'm going to have to charge your friend 131 00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,320 for that grape he stole. 132 00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:03,321 - He's not my friend. 133 00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:05,690 I've never seen him before in my life. 134 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,526 - You seemed pretty palsy walsy with him 135 00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:11,029 when you were loading his basket with condiments, Mikey. 136 00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:13,932 - I'll pay for the grape, it's no big deal. 137 00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:19,037 - Take this grape to check stand 2, 138 00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:21,506 have it weighed, pay for it, return it to this bin. 139 00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,842 Is that clear? 140 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:26,344 - This is a joke, right? 141 00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:29,047 I-I mean, Menkey can't--can't be this strict. 142 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:32,183 [IRON SHOES CLOMPING] 143 00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:39,524 [CAMERA MOVING] 144 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:44,195 You say check stand 2? 145 00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:47,999 Oh, and, uh, Stephanie called. 146 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:51,703 - Here? Oh God, I hate wearing those lead shoes. 147 00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:52,771 - She called at the inn. 148 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:57,175 - Oh, don't scare me like that. 149 00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,310 - She said the baby showers were a bust 150 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,881 and that you should hit Mr. Menkey for--for a raise. 151 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:03,915 - Oh, yeah, like he'll give me one 152 00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:07,318 now that I'm associated with a grape gonif. 153 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:09,621 I was counting on those gifts! Now I have to buy them myself. 154 00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:10,689 I don't have any money. 155 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:13,492 All I have is this stupid hose. 156 00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:16,227 - Hey, Mikey. 157 00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:17,295 Why don't you sing? 158 00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:18,597 - Okay. 159 00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:20,298 [MICHAEL SINGS] 160 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:22,934 - No, no, no, no, not now. 161 00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:25,637 You see, I bring home an extra 50 bucks a night 162 00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,238 singing show tunes in the Gunpowder Room 163 00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:28,773 at the Drum and Musket family restaurant 164 00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:30,408 out on Route 14. 165 00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:34,546 - I had no idea you were a bag boy/Broadway balladeer. 166 00:08:35,516 --> 00:08:36,681 - Well, it pays the bill. 167 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,784 Every little bit helps when you got eight kids to feed. 168 00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,486 - You know, uh... 169 00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:48,960 I can, uh... 170 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,595 I can carry a tune. 171 00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,398 - And you whistle too, hey, double threat. 172 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:57,201 - And I hum. 173 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,905 - Did I say double threat? 174 00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:04,576 - Hey, what's going on? 175 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,177 You're popping them back like mad 176 00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:07,746 and there are no lights, no sirens. 177 00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:10,181 - It's old man Menkey's regular morning pit stop, 178 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,851 you could set your watch by it. Hey! 179 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:18,890 [SIREN WAILING] 180 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,626 - The grape guy! It's the grape guy! 181 00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,468 - Weren't you going grocery shopping? 182 00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:32,003 - I was. 183 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,773 I wasn't allowed to buy anything. 184 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,507 - Why not? 185 00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:38,577 - I ate a grape. 186 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:41,446 - Oh, you went to Menkey's. 187 00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:42,681 Did he fine you? 188 00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:46,317 - No, but I'm barred from shopping for a year. 189 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,087 - Well, you got off easy. 190 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,590 He didn't make you wear the lead shoes. 191 00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:55,994 - Oh, uh, I-Irene and Terry. 192 00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:57,361 Honey, these are the Sadlers. 193 00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:58,496 - Oh hi, nice to meet you. 194 00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:00,131 - Hi. - Hi. 195 00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:06,504 - Well, you seem--you seem a lot more...chipper. 196 00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:07,906 - Well, why shouldn't we be? 197 00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:09,741 We're going clam digging. 198 00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,676 - Oh, you're driving to the coast? 199 00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,044 - Why should we go all the way to the ocean 200 00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:16,447 when we can dig for clams right in your garden? 201 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,585 - Got all your gear together. 202 00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:23,788 - How do you think the clamming will be today, George? 203 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:28,093 - Weather's a bit nippy so they should really be biting. 204 00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:29,828 - Great. Well, come on, Irene. 205 00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:32,230 Let's go clamming! 206 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:34,666 - Had to do something, 207 00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:36,868 they were having an awful vacation. 208 00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,536 So I bought some frozen clams 209 00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:41,539 and buried them in the side yard. 210 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,408 Uh-oh. 211 00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:47,145 I forgot to shove some fake pearls in them. 212 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,748 - George, clams don't have pearls. 213 00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:53,018 - Joanna, gardens don't have clams. 214 00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,287 - Hi, George. - Hi, Michael. 215 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:57,555 Strange. 216 00:10:57,724 --> 00:10:59,457 There's the oddest twosome wearing dated beach duds 217 00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:01,893 digging up the veggie patch. 218 00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,795 - They're digging for garden clams. 219 00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,864 - In October? 220 00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:08,232 They must be from out of town. 221 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,268 The pair of you got plans for the p.m.? 222 00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:11,636 - Well, other than filling a few holes 223 00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,337 in the garden, we're open. Why? 224 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,306 - I want you ringside when I make my all-singing, 225 00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,275 all-whistling, all-humming debut in the Gunpowder Room 226 00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:19,878 at the Drum and Musket family restaurant out on Route 14. 227 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,379 - When did you become a singer? 228 00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:22,681 - When I was six. 229 00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:25,150 A year or two later, I picked up whistling. 230 00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:26,851 I couldn't hum until I was well into my teens. 231 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,187 I was a late hummer. 232 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:30,955 - A lot of the young hummers today 233 00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:33,892 are peaking way too soon. 234 00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,894 - Well, it was nice of Mr. Menkey to let you out early 235 00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:37,028 so you could get ready. 236 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:40,264 - Oh, no more Menkey-business for me. I quit! 237 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,133 - Grape? - No. 238 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,139 - How could you quit your job when you and Stephanie 239 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,507 have a baby on the way? 240 00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:50,775 - Well, why get bogged down 241 00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:52,577 in the boring bow-tied world of bag boy then 242 00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:55,814 when I'm on the break of local stardom? 243 00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:57,982 - Michael, you're--you're hardly a professional. 244 00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,017 - Obviously, you never saw 245 00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,518 Captain Kooky's Cartoon Clubhouse 246 00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:03,955 during the '64-'65 season. 247 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,490 - No, I--I was busy surfing. 248 00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:09,260 - Well, if you'd only taken five from hanging ten, 249 00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:10,862 you would have caught little Mikey 250 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,831 as the captain's singing sidekick. 251 00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:16,000 - That was 25 years ago, little Mikey. 252 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,103 Things change. Voices change. 253 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:19,904 - All right, maybe I've lost that lilting soprano 254 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,907 that used to warm Captain Kooky's cockles, but... 255 00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:25,509 I'm still that cute little towhead 256 00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:28,179 with a smile as big as all outdoors. 257 00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:33,417 - All right, I'll give you that. 258 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,054 - ♪ Don't you love a farce? ♪ 259 00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:40,625 ♪ My fault I fear ♪ 260 00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:45,797 ♪ Losing my timing this late ♪ 261 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:49,600 ♪ In my career ♪ 262 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:53,371 ♪ Send in the clowns ♪ 263 00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:57,909 ♪ Quick Send in the clowns ♪ 264 00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,479 ♪ Don't bother ♪ 265 00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:08,853 ♪ They're here ♪ 266 00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:12,023 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERS] 267 00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:26,404 - That was lovely. 268 00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:29,373 I never knew what that song meant till now. 269 00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,876 It's about clowns, isn't it? 270 00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,779 - Right, George, and--and about always 271 00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:38,783 remembering to-- to send them in. 272 00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,588 - Oh, sorry it took so long. 273 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,257 But Lucky, he's the bartender 274 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:47,992 with the skin thing on his hands, 275 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,094 he says to me, "Chantal, come in the kitchen. 276 00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:51,462 I want to show you something." 277 00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:52,496 So I go in there, 278 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:53,731 and right in the middle of the floor 279 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,333 is this dead thing. 280 00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:58,870 So, I say, "Lucky, what is it? A animal?" 281 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,873 So, Lucky, who finds humor in any given situation, 282 00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:05,343 God bless him, says, "It used to be." 283 00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:07,478 [LAUGHS] 284 00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:11,082 Wooh...that Lucky. 285 00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,217 If it weren't for that skin thing, 286 00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:15,053 I'd love to have his kids. 287 00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:17,688 - Chantal, Chantal. 288 00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,290 I-I know there's a four-drink minimum. 289 00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:23,494 But, you know, d-do you have to serve them a-all at once? 290 00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:27,665 - Yeah. So, want me to run a tab? 291 00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:30,235 - No. No, I-I think these... 292 00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:35,273 these 12 drinks will--will see us through the evening. 293 00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:37,976 - Ladies and gentlemen, the Gunpowder Room 294 00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:39,744 at the Drum and Musket family restaurant here 295 00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,612 on Route 14 is proud and privileged 296 00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:44,715 to present tonight's featured liquor, bourbon. 297 00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:46,550 Three shots for a sawbuck. 298 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:47,919 Next act, Michael Harris. 299 00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:51,089 [MINIMAL CLAPPING] 300 00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:59,097 - Thanks so much for that generous applause. 301 00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:00,398 I'd like to dedicate this first number 302 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,733 to a certain handyman in the house tonight, 303 00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:05,236 named George. 304 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,972 - I hope he means me. 305 00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:11,542 - ♪ Green acres Is the place to be ♪ 306 00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:14,913 ♪ Farm living Is the life for me ♪ 307 00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,648 ♪ Lands spreading out So far and wide ♪ 308 00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:20,218 ♪ Oh keep Manhattan just Give me that countryside ♪ 309 00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:21,652 [CHUCKLING] 310 00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:23,554 - Thank you. - [SOFT CLAPPING] 311 00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:27,325 You know, that song brings back warm memories 312 00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:29,360 for me too. 313 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,662 This next tune goes out to a certain beautiful lady 314 00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:35,066 in the house tonight, named Joanna. 315 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:36,267 ♪ Diamonds ♪ 316 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,501 ♪ Daisies ♪ 317 00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:38,769 ♪ Snowflakes ♪ 318 00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:40,538 ♪ That girl ♪ 319 00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:41,772 ♪ Chestnuts ♪ 320 00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:43,074 ♪ Rainbows ♪ 321 00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:45,443 ♪ Springtime That girl ♪ 322 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:48,612 [HUMS] 323 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,490 ♪ That girl too ♪ 324 00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:00,724 [CHUCKLING] 325 00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:01,892 Thank you. 326 00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:04,028 [CLAPPING] 327 00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:08,732 - Dick... what kind of act is this? 328 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:11,035 - A very bad one. 329 00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:15,106 - I can just get serious for a moment. 330 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,012 There's a certain special someone in the house tonight 331 00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,814 I'd like to salute. 332 00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:26,417 He's more than just a friend. He's... 333 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:30,654 well, there's really only one way to put this. 334 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:35,159 Dick Loudon, I love you. 335 00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,628 Come on, Dick, get up and take a bow. 336 00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:42,200 - I don't... I don't want to. 337 00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:43,368 - Sure you do. 338 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,769 Hit that man with a spot! 339 00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:55,579 - Poignant moment, Dick. - Shut up, George. 340 00:16:56,582 --> 00:17:00,084 - ♪ Dick-dittle-dit dittle-lit Dittle-lit Dick Dicksters ♪ 341 00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:04,855 ♪ Dick dittle-lit dittle-lit Dittle-lit dittle-lit-lit Dick ♪ 342 00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:12,563 ♪ Dick dittle-lit dittle-lit Dittle-lit-dit Dick-man ♪ 343 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:13,864 ♪ Dick dittle-lit dittle-lit Dittle-lit ♪ 344 00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:15,233 ♪ Dick-dittle-lit-dit Dick ♪ 345 00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:18,403 [WHISTLES] 346 00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:29,280 What the hell am I doing? 347 00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:31,782 I'm no singer. 348 00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:33,684 Heck, I'm no whiz at whistling either. 349 00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:36,654 [CHUCKLING] What was I thinking? 350 00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:38,722 Give up a gig at a great grocery to hum TV themes 351 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,392 in a joint where there are dead things in the kitchen? 352 00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,695 Boy, what a loser! 353 00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,664 A stupid loser. 354 00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:49,733 Ah, geez, a hole in my shoe. 355 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:53,737 Stupid loser with a hole in his shoe. 356 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,140 I'll have to buy new shoes. 357 00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:59,210 I can't afford new shoes. 358 00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:02,846 Oh no, baby's going to need new shoes too. 359 00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:04,315 And Steph, she loves shoes. 360 00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:05,516 She'll need shoes after she gives birth 361 00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:07,851 and her ankles unswell. 362 00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:11,456 My family will go barefoot. 363 00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:16,294 What about clothes? We'll have to stop wearing them. 364 00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:18,096 Oh God, the taunting my kid is going to get. 365 00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:19,230 "What does your daddy do for a living?" 366 00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:21,332 "Nothing! 367 00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:22,967 "He's just a stupid loser with holes in his shoes 368 00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:25,536 "who makes us walk around naked." 369 00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:29,006 My kid's going to hate me. 370 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:31,909 Why didn't I just finish college, 371 00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:33,578 become a court stenographer? 372 00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,113 You don't see court stenographers' kids 373 00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,948 running around buck naked, do you? 374 00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:43,421 I'm a bum. I'm a stupid bum! 375 00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:48,759 Oh, perfect. Now I'm wallowing in self-pity. 376 00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:51,795 I'm a loser and a bum and a joke. 377 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,932 Why do I put myself through this? 378 00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:00,971 Why do I put myself through this? 379 00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:02,573 It's not the first time I've been down. 380 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:04,609 I've been down before and bounced back. 381 00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,511 Yeah. 382 00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:09,680 And you gotta love a guy who bounces back 383 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,116 again and again. 384 00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:13,851 I know I do. 385 00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:15,686 And so will my kid. Heck, he'll take after his old man. 386 00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:19,123 He'll love me whether I'm a stupid bum or not. 387 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,026 And so will Steph, by golly, 388 00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:24,428 because she's the spouse at my side. 389 00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:28,599 And she loves me too. Oh, God, to be this loved! 390 00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:31,602 ♪ Love is all around No need to waste it ♪ 391 00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:35,005 ♪ I can have it all Why don't I taste it? ♪ 392 00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:38,309 ♪ I'm gonna make it After all ♪ 393 00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:40,778 ♪ Da-da-da-da-da ♪ 394 00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:44,682 ♪ I'm gonna make it After all ♪ 395 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:47,851 [CLAPS AND CHEERS] 396 00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:59,497 - Not since Cats have I been this moved. 397 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,668 - What a performance! 398 00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:05,336 I like the humming. 399 00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:09,240 And that Dick-dittle-dit part was darn catchy. 400 00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,309 - I think you're the finest showman 401 00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:13,944 on the face of the Earth. 402 00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:18,015 But that could be the beer talking. 403 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:22,553 - Thanks, George. 404 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:26,023 Hey, Dick, did you notice what I didn't do up there? 405 00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:28,058 - You, uh, you didn't throw your hat in the air 406 00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:31,495 after the end of that last song. 407 00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,764 - I wasn't wearing a hat. 408 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,101 Strange. Suddenly, my sanity started slipping 409 00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:40,070 and I didn't need Sir Dick to save me. 410 00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:41,972 I worked it through myself. 411 00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:43,941 Is this what it feels like to be a grownup, Dick, huh, is it? 412 00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:45,943 Huh, is it? 413 00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:47,345 - Darn tootin'. 414 00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:49,947 - Michael, are you going to do a late show? 415 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,015 I'd like to sit through it again. 416 00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:53,618 I got a little lost during the part 417 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:57,288 about the stenographers' naked kids. 418 00:20:59,825 --> 00:21:01,425 - Nah, George, I'm packing in my pipes 419 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,894 and I'm asking Menkey for my job back. 420 00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:05,363 You know, I don't think my kind of music 421 00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:07,898 really connected with this crowd. 422 00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:13,604 - Anybody need to visit the restroom as much as I do? 423 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,673 - Yes, I think that's a good idea. 424 00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:18,175 - I'll show you where it is. - All right. 425 00:21:18,344 --> 00:21:20,544 - MICHAEL: You've got to go back [indistinct]. 426 00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:22,513 - Where is it, Michael? 427 00:21:34,059 --> 00:21:37,060 [MUMBLING AND HUMMING] 428 00:21:48,341 --> 00:21:51,342 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERS] 429 00:21:57,450 --> 00:22:01,719 ♪ But don't pass the plate Folks ♪ 430 00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:04,588 ♪ Don't pass the cup ♪ 431 00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:09,193 ♪ I figure Whenever I'm down and out ♪ 432 00:22:09,362 --> 00:22:13,096 ♪ The only way is up ♪ 433 00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:16,400 ♪ And I will be up! ♪ 434 00:22:16,569 --> 00:22:19,704 ♪ Like a rosebud ♪ 435 00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:22,573 ♪ High on that vine ♪ 436 00:22:22,742 --> 00:22:25,209 ♪ Don't thumb your nose, bud ♪ 437 00:22:25,378 --> 00:22:29,413 ♪ Just take a little tip From mine ♪ 438 00:22:29,582 --> 00:22:34,652 ♪ I may be a little bit Short of the elbow room ♪ 439 00:22:36,288 --> 00:22:39,790 ♪ But let me get me some ♪ 440 00:22:41,761 --> 00:22:44,528 ♪ And look out world ♪ 441 00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:46,964 ♪ I say ♪ 442 00:22:48,167 --> 00:22:51,034 ♪ Look out world! ♪ 443 00:22:54,607 --> 00:22:57,140 ♪ Here I ♪ 444 00:22:57,309 --> 00:23:00,511 ♪ Ching ching chong ching Ching chong chong chong ♪ 445 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:01,579 [CHEERING] 446 00:23:01,748 --> 00:23:05,583 ♪ Here I come ♪ 447 00:23:05,752 --> 00:23:08,753 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 448 00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:17,160 ♪ Look out world ♪ 449 00:23:20,666 --> 00:23:23,166 ♪ Here I ♪ 450 00:23:23,335 --> 00:23:27,538 ♪ Ching ching chong ching ching Chong chong chong ♪ 451 00:23:27,673 --> 00:23:31,409 ♪ Here I come! ♪ 452 00:23:31,577 --> 00:23:34,578 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 453 00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:39,750 [♪♪♪] 454 00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:42,252 - Meow. 34064

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.