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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:04,169 [♪♪♪] 2 00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:52,418 - How is everything? - Mmmm. 3 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,019 - Perfect. - Good. 4 00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:57,656 - I mean, if I had to come up with one complaint, 5 00:00:57,824 --> 00:01:00,825 it would be that-- that my coffee is not... 6 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,794 quite hot enough, but, uh.... 7 00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:07,466 You know, I can't-- I can't imagine a situation... 8 00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:14,806 you know, where I would have to come up with a complaint. 9 00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:19,144 [JOANNA SIGHS] 10 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,447 - And is our real maid, Stephanie, 11 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:23,182 doing in Newport? 12 00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:24,349 - The Vanderkellens are pampering 13 00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:27,352 my preggo partner to death. 14 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:30,989 She's not sure she can survive another three-day facial. 15 00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:33,858 - Well, she got through the all-day cuticle soak. 16 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,462 She can get through this. 17 00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:38,530 - Morning, gang. 18 00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:40,532 - Oh, hi, Paul. - Hi, Paul. 19 00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,602 - Please feel free to sit in my seat. 20 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:44,970 - Oh, thanks. 21 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:49,141 Could you heat this up? 22 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:51,610 - That's what I pay me for. 23 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,812 - Dick, I came up with a great title 24 00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,914 or your Vermont Today special. 25 00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:58,917 Hidden Shame: The Silent Burden. 26 00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,885 - You lined up any guests? 27 00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:02,521 - Too busy working on the title. 28 00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,356 [MICHAEL SNORTS] 29 00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,958 What's with the snort, Harris? 30 00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:09,328 - Well, it's just that when I was a VIP at PIV, 31 00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:10,895 I was on top of things. 32 00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:12,498 But then, I was a professional producer, 33 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,600 not some stage-manager- slash-donut-wrangler 34 00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:16,768 who just happened to kiss up to the right head cheese. 35 00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:20,606 - I bet your professionalism comes in real handy 36 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:23,342 now that you're a bag boy. [SNICKERS] 37 00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:25,110 - Boys, boys. 38 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,414 A-Are you saying that we aren't going to have any guests? 39 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,150 - Dick, it's not easy finding people 40 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,685 who will talk about their shameful secrets. 41 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:36,588 Especially in a town where no one's done anything shameful. 42 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,190 [MICHAEL SNORTS] 43 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,394 - Well, I-I have to agree with Michael's snort. 44 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,498 I mean, with-without guests, you know, 45 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:50,101 the show is going to--to be lacking a-a certain something. 46 00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:51,570 - Dick, don't worry, you'll have your guests. 47 00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,205 We're offering an incentive. 48 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,606 Anyone appearing on Vermont Today 49 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,941 gets a free weekend at the Stratford. 50 00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,077 - Oh, goody, more work for me. 51 00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:02,414 - Morning. - Morning, George. 52 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,551 - Oh, hi, Paul. - Oh, hi, George. 53 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,886 Here, take my seat, I kept it warm for you. 54 00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:10,855 - Oh, you sure did. 55 00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:15,060 - See you Sunday, Dick. Bye, Joanna. 56 00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:18,630 Hey, Mikey? "Cleanup on aisle six!" 57 00:03:21,202 --> 00:03:24,236 - Joanna, could you heat this up? 58 00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:27,105 - Why didn't you just get Paul to sit on it? 59 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:33,011 - Well, Dicksters, don't worry about your special on Sunday, 60 00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:35,581 I'm sure Paulie'll find you gobs of guests. 61 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,516 [MICHAEL SNORTS] 62 00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:41,286 - You never told me you were doing a special Vermont Today . 63 00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:46,157 Sometimes I don't feel like I'm part of your life anymore. 64 00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:47,693 - Well, it isn't much of a special, George. 65 00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:49,261 The guests, if--if there are any, 66 00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:52,297 are going to talk about a hidden shame in their lives 67 00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:55,800 and then, uh, spend a weekend at the Stratford. 68 00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:58,437 - What a weird concept for a show. 69 00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:04,042 Dick, would taking someone's car and driving it into a swamp 70 00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:06,345 be considered a hidden shame? 71 00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:09,214 - Well, unless you're one of the Dukes of Hazzard, yes. 72 00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:11,950 W-Why, George? 73 00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:14,853 - No reason. Oh, God. 74 00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:20,459 - George, i-if you're holding something in, t-tell me. 75 00:04:20,628 --> 00:04:22,661 - Okay, but you can't tell anyone. 76 00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:24,028 Not even Joanna. 77 00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:26,698 Not even in the throes of passion. 78 00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:31,503 - George, I-I don't talk about you in the throes of passion. 79 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:37,676 - Well, my hidden shame happened over 40 years ago. 80 00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:40,145 There was this street gang I wanted to join. 81 00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:41,813 Well, actually it wasn't a street gang, 82 00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:44,816 because the streets hadn't been paved yet. 83 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:47,819 It was more of a dirt road gang. 84 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:53,725 To pass my initiation, I had to sneak into a car, 85 00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:58,963 turn up the radio real loud, then run like the dickens. 86 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,300 - Tough gang. 87 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,703 - Anyway, I found a car with the keys inside 88 00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:08,106 and started it up so I could turn on the radio. 89 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:12,377 But there was a problem. 90 00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:16,247 The car was in gear. 91 00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:17,582 - Whoops! 92 00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:18,750 - That's what I said 93 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:22,521 just before the car plunged into Johnnycake Swamp. 94 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,155 - Would you like to go on my show 95 00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:26,425 and--and tell your secret to the public? 96 00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:27,659 - No, no. 97 00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:32,731 This whole town thinks of me as little Mr. Goody Two-Shoes. 98 00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:34,466 I'd hate to lose that image. 99 00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:40,238 - Well, we could hide you behind the screen and alter your voice. 100 00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:42,907 - Like you did with that guy that squealed on the Mob? 101 00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:44,909 - Tommy Azari? - Is that who that was? 102 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:46,244 - No! 103 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,149 - Okay, you talked me into it. 104 00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:53,151 I'll do it. - Great. 105 00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:56,921 - What kind of curtain will I be hiding behind? 106 00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,923 Do you have anything in a red and white checkerboard 107 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:01,360 with an inch-wide gold border? 108 00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:05,063 - No, it's just a plain old curtain. 109 00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:06,498 - All right. 110 00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,738 - "Heat it up, Joanna." 111 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,539 "Heat it up, Joanna." 112 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,476 How does Stephanie take this crap? 113 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,280 - And now it's a special Vermont Today, 114 00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:25,550 starring Dick Loudon. 115 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,319 - Hello, and welcome to a special Vermont Today 116 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:32,791 we're calling Hidden Shame: The Silent Burden . 117 00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,327 Our guests will be talking about the years spent 118 00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,062 living with shameful secrets 119 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:42,033 and the joy they felt when they unburdened themselves. 120 00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:44,536 First up is Bruce Gordon. 121 00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:47,739 Hello, Bruce. - Hi, Dick. 122 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:51,877 - It says here you are a compulsive gambler. 123 00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:56,047 How much would you say you lost during this period? 124 00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:59,551 - Well, I've estimated it at around 60,000 matchsticks. 125 00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,326 - And of course, "matchsticks" is a term 126 00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:12,931 hardcore gamblers use to refer to... 127 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,766 - Matchsticks. 128 00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:19,337 - You didn't... 129 00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:20,705 you didn't use money. 130 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:23,007 - Well, to buy the matchsticks. 131 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:29,280 - So, over the years, your habit must've cost you what? 132 00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:30,615 Fifty bucks? 133 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:37,656 - Well, not that much, but... 134 00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:41,092 but it doesn't make my tale any less frightening. 135 00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:44,830 You see, I could never get my hands on enough matches. 136 00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:50,001 Eventually I started stealing from my son's matchstick bridge. 137 00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:53,505 I kept praying he wouldn't notice the bridge getting lower. 138 00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:59,377 And one day, he looked at me and he said, 139 00:07:59,546 --> 00:08:04,148 "Daddy, why doesn't my bridge have any clearance?" 140 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:09,187 [BRUCE SOBS] 141 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,162 - Our next guest is-- 142 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,132 [BRUCE SOBS] 143 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,601 is Dorothy Benson. 144 00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:25,670 Mrs. Benson's shame involves... 145 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:29,340 the hopefully fascinating area of communications fraud. 146 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:30,542 - Hello, Dorothy. 147 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,176 - [SQUEAKY VOICE] Hi, Dick. 148 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:38,617 - Now, what exactly do you mean by communications fraud? 149 00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:42,821 - Well, for years, I phoned my sister in Palm Springs 150 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:45,991 and never paid for one call. 151 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,129 - And? 152 00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:52,864 - Isn't that enough? 153 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:59,103 You see, I phoned Emily person-to-person, 154 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:02,173 and asked for someone fictitious. 155 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:04,809 For instance, I would tell the operator 156 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:09,548 I wanted to speak to Apollo, the god of the sun. 157 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:17,622 My sister would say, "I'm sorry, Apollo just stepped out." 158 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:22,193 That was my way of telling Sis 159 00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:25,396 it was a sunny day here in Vermont. 160 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:32,971 - Y-You'd actually ask the operator for the god of the sun? 161 00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:34,305 - Oh, not always. 162 00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:37,642 Now, I might ask for Neptune, the sea god, 163 00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:41,880 if I wanted Sis to know my toilet overflowed. 164 00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:52,724 Or, Hermaphrodite, to say I was feeling sexually ambiguous. 165 00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:05,737 - Our next guilt-ridden guest, 166 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:09,307 whose shame is so ugly, he won't even show his face, 167 00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:13,377 once took a car and drove it into Johnnycake Swamp. 168 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:14,713 - Oh! 169 00:10:17,618 --> 00:10:19,751 - Better than matches and gods, huh? 170 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:36,067 Hello, vile Mr. X. 171 00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:42,674 Mr. X? 172 00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:48,279 The old man behind the curtain. 173 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:49,781 - [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Who, me? 174 00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:53,284 I sound funny. [CHUCKLE] 175 00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:55,820 Hello. Hello. 176 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,321 Hello? 177 00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,491 - Bud, Bud, can you adjust that thing? 178 00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:04,829 It sounds like I'm interviewing a Saturday morning cartoon. 179 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,330 - Sure thing, Dick. 180 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,167 I had the same problem with Tommy Azari. 181 00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:16,407 - Okay, Mr. X. 182 00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:17,976 Tell us in your own words, 183 00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:23,915 but not your own voice, what led to this hidden shame. 184 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:25,950 - [DEEP CREEPY VOICE] Well, many years ago, 185 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:30,354 I wanted to join this gang, the Vermont Hooligans. 186 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:35,026 I had to find a car, turn up the radio real loud, 187 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,661 and run. 188 00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:42,100 Well, I found a car, but there was one problem. 189 00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:51,710 This car had been left in gear, so, when I turned the key... 190 00:11:53,479 --> 00:11:54,679 - Uh, Mr. X? 191 00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:56,081 - Yes, Dick? 192 00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:00,852 - [WHISPERING] That's George Utley. 193 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:16,935 - Dick. 194 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:20,171 I-I just want to say congrats. 195 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,573 Nay, super congrats. 196 00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:24,042 George popping his punim over that curtain 197 00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,644 was a brilliant fusion of tabloid TV [INDISTINCT]. 198 00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:29,680 When you see him, would you give him this? 199 00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:31,716 [CLAPS] 200 00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:34,418 - I talked him out of throwing rose petals at George's feet. 201 00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:38,156 - There he is, Dick. 202 00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:39,523 - Oh, right. 203 00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:42,526 [CLAPS] 204 00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,929 - Thank you very much, Dick. 205 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,531 Well, goodbye, everybody. 206 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,000 - Where are you going? 207 00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:51,569 - My guess is Hollywood called. 208 00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:52,804 What did they sound like, George? 209 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,006 Young, I bet. 210 00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:56,975 - I don't know what you're talking about, Michael, 211 00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:59,343 but then, I never do. 212 00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:02,914 - Go west, old man. 213 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,448 La-La Land awaits. 214 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:10,155 - Well, it's been nice knowing you. 215 00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:13,958 - G-George, y-you aren't really going to La-La Land? 216 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,761 - No, but I am going away to a place 217 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:19,931 where no one's ever heard of Vermont Today . 218 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,033 It may mean going over that hill, 219 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:24,635 but I'm prepared to do so. 220 00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:28,173 - Oh, George, you can't run away just because of Dick's show. 221 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,641 I mean, it's not like anybody watches it. 222 00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:36,281 - Even if no one watched, word will get out. 223 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:39,017 By nightfall, a torch-carrying mob 224 00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,319 will run me out of town. 225 00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:44,355 - George, there might be a few small-minded people 226 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:46,390 in the town, but even they'll forgive you 227 00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:49,427 for something that happened 40 years ago. 228 00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:51,662 - You think? 229 00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:54,299 You're right. These people are my friends. 230 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:58,837 Thanks, Joanna, I guess I'll go unpack. 231 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:01,206 It's a good thing I didn't have my mail forwarded 232 00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,141 or my features altered. 233 00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:10,548 - Attention. 234 00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:19,623 At ease, Loudon family. 235 00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:20,825 - What's up? 236 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,095 - We're informing everyone about the special meeting tonight. 237 00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:27,765 We're voting on whether or not to run George Utley out of town. 238 00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:32,136 - Also, whether or not we should paint the gazebo. 239 00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,139 - This is ridiculous. 240 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:37,775 - I told you that gazebo is a touchy subject. 241 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,511 - You aren't--you aren't really serious 242 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,646 about--about running George out of town? 243 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,148 - The man committed a crime, 244 00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:47,718 it's our duty to rid this hamlet of scum. 245 00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,520 - I thought you liked George. 246 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:50,721 - We do. 247 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,123 He's a lovely man. 248 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,458 Being scum doesn't change that. 249 00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:58,829 - Historical footnote: 250 00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:01,632 my father, Officer Shifflett Senior, 251 00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,001 was sheriff of this town 252 00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:05,003 when the case of the DeSoto in the swamp 253 00:15:05,171 --> 00:15:07,906 with the radio on occurred. 254 00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:11,142 It was the one crime he couldn't solve. 255 00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:12,810 It eventually killed him. 256 00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:17,681 - Your father's still alive. 257 00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:25,489 - The story has more impact this way. 258 00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:28,092 His dying wish was for me to become a peace officer 259 00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,860 and crack this case. 260 00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:31,062 Now that it's cracked, 261 00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,164 I can become what I always wanted. 262 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:34,832 A night manager at Wendy's. 263 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:38,502 - We should go. 264 00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:41,306 You know how long it takes to round up a mob. 265 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:44,409 - And getting it riled is a chore in itself. 266 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,249 - Now that my secret's out, 267 00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:54,118 I feel like a cloud has been lifted. 268 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,454 The sky is bluer, the grass is greener. 269 00:15:56,622 --> 00:16:00,658 Even my laundry looks brighter and I haven't even done a load. 270 00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:03,328 - Jim and Chester and Officer Shifflett 271 00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,696 were just here. 272 00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:08,066 - I'll go pack my bags again. 273 00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:13,204 - Once again, we'd like to thank George Utley for his fine work 274 00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:16,607 organizing this year's Ye Olde Apple Day festival. 275 00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:18,276 Let's hear it for George. 276 00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,047 Not so fast, George. 277 00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:26,050 There's still the matter of running you out of town. 278 00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:28,386 - Oh, I was hoping you'd forget. 279 00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:29,653 - Normally, I might have, 280 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,622 but since Jim gave me a beautiful Parker pen 281 00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:32,890 for my birthday, 282 00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:34,625 I've been writing everything down. 283 00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,260 - $19.95. 284 00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:37,795 [THE GROUP OOHS] 285 00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:39,530 - Now, for the reason we're here. 286 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,765 All those in favor of running George-- 287 00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:42,967 - George, George. 288 00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:44,335 - Oh, before you vote, 289 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:47,105 I'd like to say something in my behalf. 290 00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:48,339 [THE GROUP MURMURS DISAPPOINTMENT] 291 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,574 It was Joanna's idea. 292 00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,577 The truth is, I'm guilty as sin. 293 00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:55,213 What I did was wrong. 294 00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:59,117 Just plain misguided and really, really dumb. 295 00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:03,587 - George, you--you might want to use the word "but." 296 00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,556 - Gotcha. 297 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:08,026 My butt belongs in this town. 298 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,830 This is my home. 299 00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:17,435 I love this place and think of all of you as my family. 300 00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,540 I'd like to change what I did but I can't. 301 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:25,976 I just hope you'll find it in your hearts to forgive me. 302 00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:29,013 And let me stay here until I die. 303 00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:32,983 Thank you. 304 00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,653 - Okay. 305 00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:39,257 All in favor of running George out of town, raise your hand. 306 00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:45,329 The citizens have spoken, George. 307 00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:47,365 You have 24 hours to get out. 308 00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,767 - I say we give him until high noon tomorrow. 309 00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:52,370 That's the traditional getting-out-of-town time. 310 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,073 - I thought sundown 311 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,007 was the traditional getting-out-of-town time. 312 00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:59,243 - No, sundown is when all the beautiful flowers 313 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,179 close their petals and sleep. 314 00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:08,186 - Someone should install a stupidity alarm in here. 315 00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:09,853 - Those things are no good, Dick. 316 00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:12,656 Mine's always going off for no reason. 317 00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:17,495 - Okay, thank you all for coming. 318 00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:23,067 And George, thanks again for a triumphant Ye Olde Apple Day. 319 00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:25,903 - Bye-bye, George. 320 00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:27,371 - We'll miss you. 321 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:28,973 - Call once in a while, pal. 322 00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:31,275 - But this--this is idiotic. 323 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,177 Nobody wants George to leave town, 324 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:35,846 a-and George doesn't want to leave. 325 00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:39,550 You--You people are such a-a bunch of hypocrites. 326 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,152 I mean, e-everyone in this room 327 00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:44,088 h-has done at least one shameful thing. 328 00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:46,724 - WHOLE GROUP: Not me. 329 00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:48,259 - Haven't you ever heard the expression 330 00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:51,496 "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"? 331 00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:54,798 - As town librarian, 332 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,301 I'm fairly certain that quote's from the Bible. 333 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:04,342 - Well, then, as a God-fearing Presbyterian, 334 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,277 there is something I'm hiding. 335 00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:10,814 It has to do with how Chester won the last election for mayor. 336 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:13,551 - Jim Dixon, you said you'd go to your grave with that secret. 337 00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:15,085 - Well, that was before Dick made me cave in 338 00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:17,655 with that fire and brimstone speech. 339 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,994 I don't want to spend eternity in the hot plate. 340 00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:26,397 - Go ahead, Dixon, spill your guts. 341 00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:28,799 - Oh dear, oh dear! 342 00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:32,236 - Well, remember how Chester won with 50 more votes 343 00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:35,873 than there are people in this town? 344 00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:38,376 Well, that was because he stuffed the ballot box. 345 00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:40,211 [THE GROUP OOHS IN SHOCK] 346 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:42,346 - Well, you know how it is when you're voting. 347 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:46,184 A few ballots sometimes stick together. 348 00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,519 - Let's run Chester Wanamaker out of town. 349 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,020 [THE GROUP CHEERS] 350 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,989 - As long as we're being loose-lipped, 351 00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:55,393 why don't you tell us how a man who makes $19,000 a year 352 00:19:55,562 --> 00:20:00,764 can own a 12-room beach house in fabulous Waikiki? 353 00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:02,667 - Let's run Jim Dixon out of town. 354 00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,034 [THE GROUP CHEERS] 355 00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:05,236 - And to really punish him, 356 00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:06,870 let's give his beach house to me. 357 00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:11,275 - As long as we're talking about sex. 358 00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:16,947 I confess, I'm a wanton woman. 359 00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:18,216 It's true. 360 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:20,618 I've had intimate relations with several of the married men 361 00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:23,821 in this town, and I'm prepared to name names. 362 00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:49,480 There doesn't seem to be a need to name names now. 363 00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:52,883 - Y-You just saw three people confess. 364 00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:55,986 No, actually, nine people. 365 00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:59,156 Now I want to see the hands of everyone else in the room 366 00:20:59,325 --> 00:21:00,658 who has a hidden shame. 367 00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:09,533 Wh-What did you do? 368 00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:11,101 - I don't want to talk about it. 369 00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:14,272 It happened days before I married you. 370 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,340 - Days? 371 00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:19,577 - Dick's right. We've all done shameful things. 372 00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:21,746 Maybe we should all be run out of town. 373 00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:23,581 [GROUP CHEERS] 374 00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:24,848 - But not George. 375 00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:27,117 After all, his misdeed was a youthful prank. 376 00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:29,620 Our sins were much more heinous and premeditated 377 00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:33,491 and sometimes committed three times in one night. 378 00:21:36,562 --> 00:21:38,496 - Gee, I never heard of a whole town 379 00:21:38,665 --> 00:21:40,498 being run out before. 380 00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:43,567 Where would we go? 381 00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:45,068 - I have an idea. 382 00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:48,306 Since we've all done things to be ashamed of, 383 00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:49,940 couldn't we just stay here? 384 00:21:50,109 --> 00:21:54,545 I mean, this town is too big for one person 385 00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:58,248 and I'd miss you guys. 386 00:21:58,418 --> 00:22:01,585 - Okay, I move we stay here, for George's sake. 387 00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:03,587 All in favor. WHOLE GROUP: Aye. 388 00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:04,789 - Motion is carried. 389 00:22:04,957 --> 00:22:06,424 Town stays where it is. 390 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:15,098 - Dick, thanks for defending me like you did. 391 00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:18,703 - George, a lot of this was--was my fault. 392 00:22:18,871 --> 00:22:20,103 - Hey, you're right. 393 00:22:20,272 --> 00:22:23,841 Then, thank you, and damn you. 394 00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:25,909 - You're welcome, and I'm sorry. 395 00:22:28,781 --> 00:22:31,114 - I hope you'll start coming to the library. 396 00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:32,516 I'd like to take you into the stacks 397 00:22:32,685 --> 00:22:35,219 and show you a world you never knew existed. 398 00:22:45,931 --> 00:22:47,965 - Tell me again why we left New York? 399 00:22:48,133 --> 00:22:50,167 - You thought New Yorkers were too eccentric? 400 00:22:50,336 --> 00:22:52,236 - Right. Want to move back? 401 00:22:52,405 --> 00:22:55,205 - Oh, I could never show my face in that city again. 402 00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:57,775 Not after... 403 00:22:57,943 --> 00:22:59,176 - Not after what? 404 00:22:59,345 --> 00:23:01,812 - Oh, nothing. 405 00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:03,280 - Would you feel more comfortable 406 00:23:03,449 --> 00:23:04,882 talking behind a curtain? 407 00:23:13,092 --> 00:23:16,093 [♪♪♪] 408 00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:43,086 - Meow. 31218

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