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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:04,103 [♪♪♪] 2 00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:02,194 - Hi. I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl, 3 00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:04,329 and this is my other brother Darryl. 4 00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,298 - Hi, fellows. What's new? 5 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:09,168 - It seems a few years back, we borrowed some sugar from you 6 00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,603 and never returned it. 7 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:14,039 Today, as serendipity would have it, 8 00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:16,007 Darryl found it when he inadvertently 9 00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:18,810 reached into the wrong pocket for his tube of Orajel. 10 00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:25,951 - Guys, why--why don't you just--just keep the sugar? 11 00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:30,456 Joanna and I recently decided to become, um, hypoglycemic. 12 00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,393 - We felt it was time. 13 00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:37,296 - Well, you know where it is if you start to get dizzy. 14 00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:42,601 Excuse me, but I can't help noticing 15 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,603 you pay your own gas bill. 16 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,438 - Of course. Who else would pay it? 17 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,207 - Johnny Carson pays ours. 18 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:53,579 - Johnny Carson, th-the one that hosts The Tonight Show ? 19 00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:56,281 - He has time to do both things. 20 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,451 It only takes a few minutes to write a check. 21 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,753 - And he does have his Monday nights off. 22 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,224 - Some-Somehow, I'm skeptical. 23 00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:07,192 - I'll show you the TV Guide . 24 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,163 - No, I-I mean about Johnny Carson 25 00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,064 paying their gas bill. 26 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:15,700 - I don't think Dick believes us. 27 00:02:15,869 --> 00:02:18,670 - No, I'm just saying, you know, it seems farfetched. 28 00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:22,407 You know, maybe if you had said Jay Leno... 29 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,279 - We've got better things to do than stand here 30 00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:30,582 and be humored by an ersatz hypoglycemic. 31 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:35,154 Come on, Darryl, I guess there's no point in telling him 32 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:36,655 who pays our cable bill. 33 00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:40,225 - I bet it's George Maharis. 34 00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:46,598 - Hi, Michael. How are things at the market? 35 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:47,799 - Super. 36 00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:52,371 But call me Mikey. 37 00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:56,041 Bag boys' names have to end in "y" or "ie." 38 00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:58,343 Some union thing. 39 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,512 - I see you're bringing your work home with you. 40 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:01,980 - Yeah, it's bread. It's one of the few 41 00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:03,382 fringe bens of the bag boy biz. 42 00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:06,151 You get all the day-old white and wheat you want. 43 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,287 And since my crust runneth over, 44 00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:10,489 this bread's for you. 45 00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,294 - Thanks, Mikey. 46 00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:24,403 - Hi, Steph. 47 00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:25,604 - Hi, Michael. 48 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,774 This is Todd, a man. 49 00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:33,712 - Stephanie, I don't mind if you call Todd a man, 50 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,147 Todd a date, unless of course he's not a date. 51 00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:38,584 In which case, he's wasted a snootful of good cologne. 52 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:44,690 - So how--how was your, uh, date? 53 00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:47,292 - Oh, great. Just great. 54 00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:50,195 What a great, great date. 55 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:52,264 - Was it great for you too? 56 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:53,298 - The greatest. 57 00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:56,368 Todd is such a date. 58 00:03:57,538 --> 00:04:00,239 - You make it easy. 59 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,107 I'll call you tomorrow. 60 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:03,709 You are great. 61 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:05,777 - No, you are. 62 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,246 - Great. 63 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,284 - Well, I'm so glad you two hit it off. 64 00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:13,785 You know, sometimes when you fix people up, 65 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,186 it doesn't work out and-- 66 00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:18,189 - The date's done. Todd's a lerp. 67 00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:20,859 - You wonder why you even bothered. 68 00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:22,761 What's wrong with him? 69 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,764 - He hasn't the vaguest idea how to treat a woman. 70 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:29,401 He only told me I looked ravishing four times. 71 00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:34,172 - The swine. 72 00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:36,408 Perhaps as a fetus he didn't get enough oxygen. 73 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:42,314 - I mean, this dress alone is worth going on and on about. 74 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,783 And then he took me to some stupid boring play, 75 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:46,985 The Taming of the -- something. 76 00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:49,521 - Shrew . 77 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:50,789 - I heard that, Dick. 78 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,626 - Well, Stephanie, if you had such a miserable time, 79 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,795 why did you let him think you'd go out with him again? 80 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,664 - I didn't want to destroy him. 81 00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,199 And besides, since this whole thing's your fault, 82 00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:03,268 you'll have to destroy him for me. 83 00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:04,603 - What? 84 00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:06,871 - Well, that seems fair. 85 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,775 - Boy, there sure are a lot of losers out there, 86 00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:11,777 and you seem to know them all. 87 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,749 - Brainstorm, Steph, let Michael find you someone. 88 00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:20,319 - You'd do that for me? 89 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:21,886 - Who better than I? 90 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,923 We were a cupcake twin pack for five years. 91 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,526 I've read all your diaries. 92 00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:28,627 - What? 93 00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:29,728 - Did I say I've read them? 94 00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:32,063 Well--hey, ravishing dress. 95 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:34,700 - Good save. 96 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:39,671 - Besides, I'd like to think I'm still your friend. 97 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,840 - Well, I guess enough time has passed 98 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:46,445 since we split up that we could be friends. 99 00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:48,347 And while you're finding a guy for me, 100 00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,982 I'll find a girl for you. 101 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,386 - Fabtastic. 102 00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:56,588 - Now, where will we find these someones? 103 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,523 - Where else? The mall. 104 00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:00,925 - Of course. 105 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:06,931 Let's get started. 106 00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,735 Oh, he's cute. 107 00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,903 - Steph, bad hair, needs gel. 108 00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:15,907 - You're right. 109 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,442 - How about her? 110 00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,077 - Tendency towards weight gain. 111 00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,581 I can tell, even without my calipers. 112 00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:26,651 - What an eye you have. 113 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:29,821 - Him? 114 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,123 - Doesn't know the 60s are over. 115 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,928 - Maybe I'm not being critical enough. 116 00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,329 How about that one? 117 00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:39,431 - Now that passerby is possible. 118 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:40,965 Excuse me, sir? 119 00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:42,667 Could we ask you a few questions? 120 00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:45,704 - Sure. 121 00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:46,772 - Name? 122 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,607 - Dirk Anderson. 123 00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:51,976 - Occupation? 124 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,344 - Bag boy. 125 00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:54,679 - Ew. 126 00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:57,783 Oh sorry, Michael. 127 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:00,985 - Dirky? 128 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:03,755 - Mikey? 129 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,559 - I didn't recognize you without your day-old birthday cakes. 130 00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:09,394 - I left them in the car. 131 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,066 - Talk shop later. - Oh, right. Sorry. 132 00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:17,636 Is your adjusted gross income from line 30 133 00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:20,539 of last year's tax return above $100,000? 134 00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:21,840 - What are you, stupid? I've only been bagging 135 00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:23,675 for 12 years. 136 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:26,978 - Thank you. Please move on. 137 00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:29,581 - What are these questions for anyway? 138 00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:33,485 - Well, we're... testing soft drinks. 139 00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:36,354 - Shouldn't you give me a soft drink to taste? 140 00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:39,023 - You don't make enough to taste our soft drinks. 141 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:44,062 Now, please move on. 142 00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:45,931 - See you at worky, Dirky. 143 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,201 Hey, how about her? 144 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:53,304 - Has possibilities. 145 00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:56,240 Excuse me, come over here, please. 146 00:07:58,679 --> 00:07:59,778 Name? 147 00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:01,279 - Stacy Willows. 148 00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:03,615 - Favorite magazine? 149 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,750 - National Review . 150 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:12,557 - I'm not sure what that is, but I'm still taking points off. 151 00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:18,930 Have you ever sat through an entire Shakespeare play 152 00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:20,799 without falling asleep? 153 00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:24,002 - How could anyone fall asleep watching Shakespeare? 154 00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:29,541 - Well, if you have to ask that, please, move on. 155 00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:32,878 - We have got to talk to mall security. 156 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,547 They're letting in just about anything these days. 157 00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:42,888 Name? 158 00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,823 - Brett. 159 00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:46,057 - Brett what? 160 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,759 - Brett Shwinkin. 161 00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:51,062 - Thank you, please move on. 162 00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:53,865 - Hold...hold, please. 163 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:54,900 Steph, we've been here all day. 164 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:57,769 Maybe we should lower our standards. 165 00:08:57,938 --> 00:09:00,005 - We're not lowering them to Shwinkin. 166 00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:03,608 Go, please. 167 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:08,079 - Excuse me, but didn't the two of you 168 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,916 once give me a fashion citation? 169 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,354 - I wouldn't think so. 170 00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:18,557 I don't see any obvious violations. 171 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:21,760 - That's because your citation really had an effect on me. 172 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:25,764 I was forced to reevaluate my entire life and color sense. 173 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:29,233 I am now possibly the best dressed bag boy in my grocery. 174 00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:34,439 - Bretty? 175 00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:35,740 - Mikey? 176 00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:37,776 - I didn't recognize you without your ripped sacks of flour. 177 00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:39,243 - They're in the car. 178 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,183 - Well, keep up the good work, you hear? 179 00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:46,885 - Bye-bye now. - Later. 180 00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:51,823 - Is it some sort of bag boy holiday? 181 00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,061 - Mall is closing in five minutes. 182 00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:59,631 - Oh, we can't leave yet. We haven't found our dates. 183 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,099 - Why don't you go hang out with the other mall rats 184 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,835 in front of Mr. Stiffy's motel? 185 00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:06,905 There's a lot of dates down there. 186 00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:08,673 - You don't understand. 187 00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:12,110 We're doing a scientific survey to find our spiritual mates. 188 00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,045 - And you haven't interviewed me? 189 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,181 - Name? 190 00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:18,549 - Barber. 191 00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,852 Floyd D. Barber. 192 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,592 - Do you net over $100,000 a year? 193 00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:29,694 - No, but I will soon. 194 00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:30,795 I just finished a screenplay 195 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,064 and people are saying good things about it. 196 00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:39,037 - Very nice. Please move on. 197 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:47,112 - Hey, how about her? She seems to have date survey potench. 198 00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:51,983 - Sure, for the plain Jane type. 199 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,319 We better leave before your eyes go completely. 200 00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:58,023 - Excuse me, miss. 201 00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,925 Can we ask you a few questions? 202 00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,431 - All right. 203 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:12,771 - Name? - Jennifer Allison. 204 00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:15,606 - Sounds like it was changed from something. 205 00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,341 Probably Shwinkin. 206 00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,512 - Favorite magazine? 207 00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:26,051 - Oh, either Cosmo or Vogue . 208 00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:28,186 Please don't make me choose which one. 209 00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:33,958 - Michael, she's all wrong for you. 210 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,794 She's wishy-washy. 211 00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:39,630 - Hey, are you two screening for dates? 212 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:40,765 - How'd you know? 213 00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:42,867 - I do the same thing all the time. 214 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,936 I haven't had much luck though. 215 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:49,140 Of course, I've never surveyed you before. 216 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:50,809 [SNORTS] 217 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,780 - How do you feel about Shakespeare? 218 00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:57,481 - Oh, I love him. 219 00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,186 He makes the best pizza in the mall. 220 00:12:03,790 --> 00:12:06,024 - Steph, wipe off that frown and cheer up, fabtastic. 221 00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:08,093 This is my dream girl. 222 00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:20,205 - Hi. 223 00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:25,777 I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl, 224 00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:28,079 and this is my other brother Darryl. 225 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,781 And this, for your inspection, 226 00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:33,051 is five years' worth of gas bill receipts. 227 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:39,023 - "Johnny Carson paid this gas bill." 228 00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:43,361 He wrote this? - No, I did. 229 00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:46,898 - Well, Larry, that doesn't prove 230 00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:48,900 that he pays your gas bill. 231 00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,168 - I see. 232 00:12:50,336 --> 00:12:52,237 So you're implying that we'd mess up 233 00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:53,972 a perfectly good gas bill 234 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,440 just to pull off an elaborate hoax? 235 00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,177 We're shocked. 236 00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:02,013 In fact, Darryl can't even look you in the eye. 237 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,516 It has nothing to do with that sty of his. 238 00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:16,427 - Dick, I can't help feeling a little hurt. 239 00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:18,997 - W-Why is that, George? 240 00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:22,633 - Well, Johnny Carson pays their gas bill. 241 00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:25,203 Who's ever offered to pay mine? 242 00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,773 - George, I-I pay your gas bill. 243 00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:30,942 - And that's the best I can do? 244 00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:36,815 - Hi, honey. - Hi. 245 00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:40,351 - Joanna, did you dump Todd for me? 246 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:41,853 - Sort of. 247 00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:43,721 I told him you're off to Paris for a year 248 00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:46,357 to train for the Tour de France bicycle race. 249 00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:49,861 - Well, at least you didn't tell him something silly. 250 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:53,932 - Joanna, I said dump the guy, not lie to him. 251 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,201 You can be so mean sometimes. 252 00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:02,373 - Greetings, innkeep, housekeep. 253 00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,075 - Hi, Mikey. 254 00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,813 - Stephy, I just stopped by the mall. 255 00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,414 - Did you buy me something? - Did I buy you some-- 256 00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:13,852 Well actually I-- hey, ravishing babushka. 257 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:16,988 - Another classic save. 258 00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:20,258 - Anyway, I was cruising by the sporting goods store 259 00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:22,894 to give Jennifer a morning yoho, 260 00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:25,063 and as luck would have it, she was just starting her break. 261 00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:28,933 We spent the entire ten minutes just talking. 262 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:33,271 - What did you find to talk about all that time? 263 00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:35,039 - Shoes. 264 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,307 I mean, I used to sell slingbacks, 265 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:37,708 sandals and slippers, while she sells 266 00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:39,443 Reeboks by the seed store. 267 00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:47,852 - Oh, she's got a real challenging job. 268 00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,320 - And to think my ex-cupcake brought me 269 00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,923 to my cupcake in the baking. 270 00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,524 I mean, thanks to you, 271 00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:56,494 we're having a dream date dinner at Danny's Diner at eight-ish. 272 00:14:58,031 --> 00:14:59,697 Thanks for the love connection, Steph. 273 00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:04,002 You're the best friend a guy ever had. 274 00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:12,310 - No, that--that would be Johnny Carson. 275 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,789 - Now are you ready to order? 276 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:27,025 - Actually, I'm still waiting for my gal pal, 277 00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,294 but I'm sure she'll be here soon. 278 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:32,063 - Probably still trying to pick out just the right ball gown 279 00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:35,333 to wear to this elegant ristorante. 280 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:38,369 - She'll be here, Flo, all right? 281 00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:39,971 - Yeah, yeah. 282 00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,214 - Stephanie? 283 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:52,016 - Michael. 284 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,953 - What are you doing here? 285 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,921 - Well, I just suddenly got a craving 286 00:15:57,090 --> 00:16:00,158 for something gray and wet. 287 00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:07,465 Say, weren't you supposed to meet your dream date 288 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:08,967 here tonight? 289 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,168 - Yeah, she's a tad tardy. 290 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:12,503 Maybe there's a traffic tie-up. 291 00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:16,441 - Well, you know these country roads. 292 00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:20,178 I hear a cow jackknifed on Harley Memorial Bridge. 293 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,448 Milk everywhere. 294 00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:26,817 Look, I don't want to cramp your style. 295 00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,219 I'll just grab this booth over here. 296 00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:29,220 - Well, look, as long as I'm sitting here-- 297 00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:30,388 - Okay. 298 00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:34,558 - About time you showed, hon. 299 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,361 - Oh, actually, this isn't my date. 300 00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:39,063 This is my ex-girlfriend. 301 00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:41,366 - And she knows about the new one? 302 00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,369 - She practically picked her out for me. 303 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:48,106 - Only thing I want to pick out for my ex is a headstone. 304 00:16:56,116 --> 00:17:00,218 - So, is this the kind of place you eat at these days? 305 00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,387 - On special occasions. 306 00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,522 Usually I just stay home and make a nice 307 00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:08,159 day-old bread sandwich or some day-old bread pudding. 308 00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,031 - Well, things are always a little tough 309 00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,599 when you're starting your life over, 310 00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:23,508 but you have a new job, new outlook, new haircut. 311 00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:26,110 - And maybe a new girlfriend. 312 00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:27,645 - Yeah. 313 00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:29,947 - You know, going to that sanitarium 314 00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,649 was the best thing that I ever did. 315 00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:33,051 I mean, I was falling apart, 316 00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:36,254 and they put this Humpty Dumpty back together again. 317 00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:40,024 Gee, what's keeping Jennifer? Maybe I should call the store. 318 00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:41,759 - She's not coming. 319 00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,530 - She's not? 320 00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:48,832 - Somebody called her and told her to stay home. 321 00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:52,103 - Who would do a thing like that? 322 00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:54,672 - Uh, your mother. 323 00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:59,444 - My mother's in Finland getting a chemical peel. 324 00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:10,321 - Oh, then I guess it was me. 325 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:14,392 - You blew off my babe? 326 00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:15,593 - I had to, Michael. 327 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,428 Jennifer isn't good enough for you. 328 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:18,429 - Oh, really? And just who are you 329 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,232 to make that decision for me? 330 00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:22,600 - Your friend. - Oh, yeah? 331 00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,469 Well as your friend, I say keep your little pert, 332 00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:27,405 little cute, little button nose out of my business. 333 00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:30,674 - Now you're talking like exes. 334 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,277 - Of course it's my business. 335 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,980 I know you better than anybody else. 336 00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:37,515 I used to dress you. 337 00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:40,017 - Oh yeah? Well, I found I could dress myself 338 00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:42,453 the day I dumped you. 339 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,454 - Oh, yeah? 340 00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:46,624 Well, your shoes don't even match your belt. 341 00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:51,496 - All right, so I make mistakes, but they're mine. 342 00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:52,663 They're all mine, and for once, 343 00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,233 I don't have you bossing me around. 344 00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:57,568 - And I don't have you tugging at my ankles 345 00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,504 like some whining puppy begging me 346 00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:01,172 to tell them what to do. 347 00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:04,375 For once in my life, I can think about me, me, me. 348 00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:10,047 - Well, that's all you ever think about is you, you, you. 349 00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:11,382 You are the most self-centered, 350 00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:14,652 egotistical little Daddy's girl who ever lived. 351 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:15,686 - Oh, yeah? 352 00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,421 Well, you are the most obnoxious, 353 00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:20,158 immature crybaby I ever met in my life. 354 00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,193 And I hate your haircut. 355 00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,461 - Well, then why are you here? 356 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:25,596 - Because I love you, dammit. - Oh, yeah? 357 00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:27,865 Well, dammit, I love you too. 358 00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:41,779 - So what now? 359 00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,422 - Please, if you could just give me 360 00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:54,124 Stephanie's address in Paris. 361 00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:58,329 - I forget. It's on Rue de something. 362 00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:02,466 - Well, that shouldn't be too hard to find. 363 00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:04,569 I know how important cycling is to her, 364 00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:10,374 but I just feel that she's the one for me, 365 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:13,578 and I know in my gut that she feels the same way. 366 00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:17,715 - Hi, everybody. - Hi, everybody. 367 00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,451 - Oh, it's-- Looks like your guts 368 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,520 are playing you for a fool. 369 00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,357 - Where are you two going? 370 00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:28,426 - Why, to bed of course. 371 00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:34,432 - May-Maybe we missed a beat here. 372 00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:36,267 I thought you were just friends. 373 00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:37,868 - Oh, we're not friends anymore. 374 00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:39,604 We're married. 375 00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:54,051 - We just eloped. Neato, huh? 376 00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:57,655 - Goodnight, Dick. Goodnight, Joanna. 377 00:20:57,823 --> 00:20:58,989 Goodbye, Todd. 378 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:07,598 Joanna, could you give us a wakeup call, say, noon-ish? 379 00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:18,876 - This is the front desk. 380 00:21:19,044 --> 00:21:20,578 It's--it's noon-ish. 381 00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:26,651 Time--time for your wakeup call. 382 00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:28,486 Steph-Stephanie, I can't hear you. 383 00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:31,989 Can you stop Michael from singing "After The Lovin'"? 384 00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:38,596 Fine, I'll call you around four-ish. 385 00:21:42,568 --> 00:21:45,569 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERS] 386 00:21:58,785 --> 00:21:59,950 - Hi. I'm Larry, 387 00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:01,352 this is my brother Darryl, 388 00:22:01,521 --> 00:22:03,220 and this is my other brother Darryl. 389 00:22:03,389 --> 00:22:05,723 And here's Mr. Carson. 390 00:22:05,891 --> 00:22:08,892 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERS] 391 00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:15,299 - You're--you're--you're Johnny Carson. 392 00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:18,336 - And you're the yahoo that called my friend Larry a liar. 393 00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:26,276 - Well, I mean, d-do you really p-pay their gas bill? 394 00:22:26,446 --> 00:22:28,813 - Hey, Sparky, do I tell you what to do with your money? 395 00:22:31,384 --> 00:22:33,150 - Easy, Johnny. He ain't worth it. 396 00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:36,620 Come on, Darryl. We gotta get Mr. Carson 397 00:22:36,789 --> 00:22:38,956 on that noon-ish shuttle back to Burbank. 398 00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:45,429 - You know what really irks me about people like you? 399 00:22:45,598 --> 00:22:47,798 All you ever do is take, take, take. 400 00:22:49,469 --> 00:22:51,134 Why don't you give once in a while? 401 00:22:52,438 --> 00:22:55,740 Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap. 402 00:22:55,908 --> 00:22:57,908 Cheap, cheap, cheap. 403 00:22:59,579 --> 00:23:00,678 Cheap. 404 00:23:00,847 --> 00:23:03,848 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERS] 405 00:23:15,928 --> 00:23:17,595 - It isn't easy being me. 406 00:23:23,002 --> 00:23:26,003 [♪♪♪] 407 00:23:51,831 --> 00:23:52,830 - Meow. 30205

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