All language subtitles for Newhart_S07E18

[♪♪♪]

- Honey, do--do I look all
right?

- Well, I married you,
didn't I?

- No, no.
I-I mean--I mean the suit.

I-If you spent the last 35 years
in a Soviet labor camp,

would you feel comfortable

being interviewed by a guy
dressed like this?

- I don't think
I'd wear a tie that red.

- Good--good point.

Maybe I-I'll wear the blue one
with the--the little ducks.

- Yeah.

- Live, in color and booted
from the bonkers bin

for a second stab at sanity,

it's Michael
"Not so Nutso" Harris.

- When were you released
from Ridge Valley?

- A couple of days ago,
or maybe a week.

I've been so busy relishing
life on the outside,

I've lost all track of time.

- Michael, you were--you were
only inside for two weeks.

- Astounding, isn't it?

I mean, when you see
how much I've changed.

- It-It's almost scary.

- You see, I learned
that even though I lost

my jobs, my confidence,
my girl,

and for a short period of time,
my ability to distinguish

between my mother
and Esther Rolle,

I still have me,
myself and I.

Nothing else matters.

- What--what about making
a living?

[LAUGHS]

- Dickster, things take care
of themselves.

The point is it's spring.

The crocuses are blooming;
the bees are buzzing.

Come on, you two,
walk with me, talk with me.

It's sunny, let's share.

- Michael.

- Hi, Steph.

- I heard you were out.
How are you?

- Never better in my whole life.

- Then why are you staring?

Is it some kind of brain thing?

Or is it these pants
with this sweater?

- Neither. I just never realized
how beautiful you were.

- You didn't?

- Well, I'm talking
about inner beauty,

the kind you find
in a wise old woman's wrinkles

or in a baby bird,
sucking up a worm.

- Oh, poor Michael.

They did experiments on you.

It's so nice to see
what's left of you.

- Hi. I'm Larry,
this is my brother Darryl

and this is my other brother
Darryl.

- Hi, fellows.
What can we do for you?

- We just dropped by
to wish Dick luck

on his live
via satellite interview

with prisoner of conscience
Andre Zalmanoff.

- Well, thanks.
Thanks, guys.

- We've often wondered

how Darryl would hold up
under torture,

which is why we practice

hanging him from the rafters
by his thumbs

while making him watch
Darryl's interpretive dance

to Stravinsky's
Rite of Spring .

- Hey, Lar and Darryl dittoed,

I was about to take a walk
and nose the posies.

Care to make it a foursome?

- We'll pass.

We don't stick our noses
up anything

that won't sniff back at us.

Come on, Darryl.

- What do you mean,
there's no picture?

- It still looks like
a catastrophe.

At least we're not
the one on camera

dying in front of
thousands of viewers.

Oh, hi, Dick.
Have a nice show.

- Is--is there a problem?

- The feed's not working.

It's either the satellite
or the dish.

- You're kidding.

- Yeah, it's a big fat joke,
Dick.

That's why I got sweat stains
the size of pies

under my armpits.

- Uh oh, I wonder
if my homing pigeons

chewed through
the transmitter wires again.

- What?

- You--you keep pigeons
on the roof?

- Yeah, I tried keeping them
in the men's room

but they kept flying
into the mirror.

- Don't just stand there.
Round up some cats.

- Well, I don't know
if that's such a good idea.

They might scare my birds.

- That's the idea, Bud.

- Right.
I'll take care of it, Paulie.

I'll take care of it.

- D-Does this mean we won't get
the--the Zalmanoff feed

from Vienna on--on the monitor?

- [CRYING]

- Guess not.

- Look Dick, a birdie.

- M-Michael, throw it
i-in the men's room.

I-I'm going on the air
i-in two minutes

in front of thousands of people

and all I have to show them
is a--is a duck tie.

- See, birdie? Duckies.

- Michael, didn't they just
let you out of an insane asylum?

- Well, actually
it was a sanitarium.

- But it was a humiliating
experience, right?

- Well, not really,

except for when it was my turn
to play hide the capsule.

- Well, Dick,
everything's going to be fine.

We've got Michael.

- For--for what?

- For the show.

- Gee, I don't know.

It was embarrassing enough
doing it in front of a nurse.

- No, no, not that.

You were incarcerated,
just like Zalmanoff.

Sanitarium, gulag,
what's the diff?

- Look, forget it, I'm not
going to interview Michael.

Repeat--repeat one of my shows.

- Dick, we'd have to
tape them to repeat them.

- You don't tape my shows?

ANNOUNCER:
In five, four...

- Dick, we won't let you down.

- Give me this thing.

There's a story here, Dick.

Dig for it.

ANNOUNCER: And now,
it's Vermont Today ,

starring Dick Loudon.

- I, uh...I-I know you were all
expecting Andre Zalmanoff

in his first interview after
35 years in a Soviet prison,

but due to tech-technical
problems

that are really
too intricate to discuss--

- Dick, I'll put
the little fellows

in your dressing room.

- In-Instead, we have another
guest in h-his first interview

after 14 grueling days
and nights in a-a sanitarium,

former WPIV producer
Michael Harris.

- Thank you.
Thank you, Dick.

I'm, uh, I'm grateful
to be here.

- Well, who--who wouldn't be
after--after that nightmare?

- Actually
it wasn't a nightmare,

although I did grow to be
quite the sofa spud.

- But after losing your job,
your money, your self-respect,

it must have been
i-impossible to go on.

- Oh, why dwell on the past?

I let things get to me,

but I'm back on my rocker now,
and--and why?

Because I live in the moment.

- Well, I'm tickled
to hear that.

- What did you say?
I was looking at my foot.

Dick, have you ever
really looked at your foot?

- Not, you know, a-avidly.

- Well, then join me, Dick.
Come on, dig those dogs.

- Why, uh, why don't--why don't
we go to the phones

in case any of you
still out there

has--has something t-to say
to Michael Harris.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello, you're on the air
with Michael Harris.

WOMAN: Michael,
you're such a sensitive soul.

I just know it was a woman
who drove you over the edge.

Was it that
Stephanie Vanderkellen?

The whole town thinks
she's a cold fish.

- Darling, bad things happen,
but why hold on to them?

Why not let it go,
forget about it?

You see what I'm saying?
Try smiling.

WOMAN: I'll do that.

And by the way,
your feet are lovely.

- Thank you.

Now isn't that better

than listening to some rusky
complain for half an hour?

[PHONE RINGING]

- You're on the air
with Michael Harris.

MAN: Michael, those were
wonderful words to live by.

- What--what words were those?

MAN: You know, "Let it go,
forget about it, try smiling."

- All right. Well, I'm just
glad they worked for you.

By the way,
do you like my feet?

MAN: Oh, well,
yeah, I love them.

- God bless.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hi, you're on the air with me.

- Before you say anything
about the show, don't.

- Fine.

Anyway, I can't talk
and laugh at the same time.

- I guess you misunderstood
my verbal threat.

- Hi, Dick.

Gee, I really liked
today's guest.

- Shut up, George.

- I never realized
Michael was so deep,

but I guess that's
because he's suffered so.

- Don't verbal threats
mean anything anymore?

- Hi, George, JoJo.

- Hi, Michael.

- Dick, you took off
before all the excitement.

Even after the show was over,
the phones kept ringing.

Everybody wanted my advice.

Strange, I never realized

I could have
such an effect on people.

- Maybe they liked your feet.

- Michael,
could I ask you a question?

- Shoot, G-man.

- I know you said
to forget about it,

let it go and try smiling,
but I have this problem.

I tried to forget about it,
but I just can't.

Can I let it go first?

That might make
the forgetting easier.

- Gee, I don't see why not.

- Is it better to smile while
I'm letting it go or after?

- Well, whatever you find
works for you.

- What a philosophy.

If you taught this to the world,
there'd be peace.

- He's lost his mind.

- Good detective work, mayor.

The male Caucasian in question
is on the premises.

- All I said was
Michael was probably at Dick's.

- Hello, officer,
and a gentleman.

- You know, we often watch
Dick's show,

but this week, we liked it.

Michael, your message.

- Not to mention
the particular manner

in which said message
was conveyed.

- You mean, there's a manner
in my message?

- I'm not one given
to flamboyant gesturing,

but if I may reconstruct,

"Let it go."

- No, officer, it was more
to the heavens, like so.

"Let it go."

The point is,
I've been through rolfing

and transcendental meditation.

- And I've been
through Dianetics.

- And this is the first thing
that may actually help.

- They need people like you
in the department

to talk jumpers off ledges,

especially now with that
three-story building going up.

It's going to be
a magnet for losers.

- Gee, thanks
for those thumbs up.

- No, Michael, thank you.

- Can you believe
what's happening?

I think I finally found
my true calling.

- Your true calling?

- Inspiring mankind.

- Well, it's certainly not
an overcrowded profession.

- Bye, everybody.

- George, aren't you going to
fix the hot water heater?

- Ah. It's such a nice day,
I decided to forget about it.

[WHISTLES]

- Cowabunga,
I'm inspiring everybody.

- This is the stupidest town
that ever lived.

- Are you
Stephanie Vanderkellen?

- Why, yes.

- Then you're
the unfeeling shrew

who broke
that poor Michael's heart.

- For your information,
he dumped me.

And oops,
I dumped the oatmeal.

What a butterfingers.

- Forget about it.

- But I just threw
hot oatmeal in your lap.

- Let it go, dear.
Try smiling.

- Let it go, try smiling. Ha!

- If George would do
what I pay him to do,

I wouldn't have to take
cold showers.

He works for me.

He's supposed to fix
the hot--hot water heater.

- Morning, Dick, Joanna.

- George, you know,
we're still waiting

for you to fix the heater.

- Let it go, Joanna.

- We don't want to let it go.

We want it fixed today, George.

- Forget about it.
Try smiling.

- I can't. My lips
haven't thawed out yet.

- I think I'll drink my coffee
on the porch.

There's a baby caterpillar
inching up a twig

and I want to be there.

- A baby one.

- That-that's it.
This has gone too far.

B-Because of Michael's
idiot philosophy,

n-nothing is getting done
around here.

- Hello, friends and flock.

Can I put this up in the lobby?

There's still
a few tickets left.

- "Michael Harris in his only
Vermont appearance."

What does this mean?
You live in Vermont.

- Well, it's a summoning
to my seminar.

I'm going to inspire the masses
with my message.

- What message?

They're just simple
asinine buzzwords.

- Well, Dick, maybe you haven't
noticed my passel of apostles,

but you can't deny I have
a certain effect on people.

I want both of you
to come tonight.

I think I can enlighten you.

- Forget about it.

- You see, you're already
a third of the way there.

- I can't tell you
how Michael's philosophy

has changed my life.

- Same here.

Right now, I'm supposed to be
manning the 911 line,

but I decided
to forget about it.

- And yesterday,
the fire department

threatened to strike,
so I just let them go.

- I'm surprised you wanted
to come tonight, Stephanie,

knowing how the town
feels about you.

- Well, I just wanted to
show these people

that I'm not a heartless shrew,

that I'm a warm, caring,
compassionate human being.

- There she is.

There's that snotty viper,
Stephanie Vanderkellen.

- Oh, drop dead.

George, sit.

- Well, bask in it, Joanna.

If we could somehow harness
the stupidity in this room...

we could change the world.

I can't believe
all these people are paying

ten dollars a head
to see Michael.

- We paid 50.

I had to go to a scalper.

- You what?

- Tonight, we're in the presence
of greatness.

- Perhaps we should kneel.

- He almost spoke.

- Oh, please.

- Darryl, stop that.

It's not polite to stare
at someone's aura.

- Let it go.
[CHEERING]

Forget about it.
[CHEERING]

Try smiling.

- We are!
[CHEERING]

- This is moronic.

- Let it go. Forget about it.
Try smiling.

[CHEERING]

Yes, my child?

- I have a question that weighs
heavily on me, Michael.

- Speak to me.

- Last month,
I was elected President

of the local pastry club.

And with that position
came a lot of responsibility

and the inevitable weight gain.

But I decided
to forget about it.

- Wonderful.

And did you let it go?

- Yes, but I put on 12 pounds
and now all my clothing chafes.

- Did you try smiling?

- Well, that's easy for you.

You're probably
one of those visionaries

that can eat anything
and not put on a pound.

- Next.

Yes, my son?

- My anniversary
was last night.

Thank you.

Thirty-two years.

Well, usually
I do forget about it,

but this time I knew it was okay
to forget about it.

Yet my wife
threw me out of the house.

So now I'm sleeping in
the Tercel,

and it's hard to try smiling

with the stick shift
jabbing you in the kidneys.

What should I do?

- I don't think Michael
has the answer.

- No kidding.

- Let's review the problem.
You said you let it go.

- That's right.
- And you forgot about it.

- Uh-huh.

- And you actually
did try smiling.

- 'Til my cheeks ached.

- How about that? Next.

- Michael, help me.

Isn't there any more
to your philosophy?

- Well, let me see.

No, that's about it.

- Typical.

Some smooth talking Dandy
sells you the meaning of life

and it turns out
he's just taking you for a ride

in the hoax-mobile.

- Let down once again, Darryl.

First we read that Rosanne
ain't handling success very well

and now this.

- Wait, I thought this was
what you wanted to hear.

Yesterday, you were
gobbling this stuff up.

- Yesterday, we were stupid.

- Yesterday?

- It works for me. I don't know
why it doesn't work for you.

- Some seminar.

There weren't even
any refreshments.

- Tell me more
about this pastry club.

- We meet all day Tuesday,
usually at a local bakery.

- Wait.

- If this town
had a bunco squad,

they'd be sticking to you

like sweaty thighs
to a vinyl car seat.

- I've never felt so used.

Stone him!

- Steph, don't walk out.

- I have to, Michael.

George is my ride.

- I've been de-flocked.

- [SIGHS]
Do you want to talk to him?

- No.

But it is sort of what I do.

- And this is sort of
when I leave.

[CLEARS THROAT]

- Michael, are you all right?

- Dick, what happened?

- You know,
you inspiration leaders

are bound to bomb
every once in a while.

I'm sure even Tommy Lasorda
has his off days.

- Yeah, but it happened
so quickly.

I mean, other great thinkers
inspire mankind for generations.

I inspired people
for a day and a half.

- Well, some thinkers
are different than you.

They're...

multi-dimensional.

- So you're saying I'm
a simple man with few layers?

- One.

- Meaning there's really
very little to me?

- Right, but I mean,
you can always read and learn

and, you know,
become more layered.

- Yeah, but then,
I'd run the risk

of becoming complex
and dull like you.

- That's one of the pitfalls
of depth.

- Bummer.

- Michael, you aren't going to
fall apart again, are you?

- No, I'm just
going to let it go,

you know, forget about it.

- You know, you could always
try smiling.

[♪♪♪]

- Meow.