All language subtitles for Newhart_S07E17

[♪♪♪]

- Heads up,
last of the sweaters.

- What's going on here?

- Stephanie is throwing out

every stitch of clothing
she owns.

- Ask a stupid question.

- I'm getting rid of everything
that reminds me of Michael.

If he can make a fresh start,
so can I.

- Stephanie,
Michael's in a sanitarium.

He's not making a fresh start.

He's making ashtrays
out of clay.

- You're throwing this out?
It's a Jianita Bruccizi.

- I was wearing it
the first night

Michael told me
he loved me.

It must be destroyed.

- I'm supposed to take
all these clothes

to the town dump
and watch them burn.

- And what else, George?

- Oh, right. I have to dance
naked around the fire.

Maybe I'll wait
until after dark

and bring a date,

make a night of it.
You guys want to double?

- Gee, we--we just danced naked
last night.

- Next time,
give us some notice.

- Hey, that's my sweater.

- I know, and it's got to go.

Michael and I
used to laugh at you

every time you wore it.

He always said it made you look
like a human tootsie roll.

- You went into my closet?

- Of course not.

It was lying on your bed.

You really should learn
to hang your clothes up, Dick.

- Only way to keep them
from being torched.

- I don't care
what she says, George.

You're not burning anything.
These are good clothes.

Just take them all
to Goodwill.

- What if Stephanie finds out?

- So?

- Joanna, you forget,
she knows where I live.

- Dick and I will see
that no harm comes to you.

Right, honey?
- This is a great sweater.

They don't make buttons
out of shells anymore.

- Okay Joanna, let's shop.

Daddy wired me
a boatload of money.

- It's Sunday,
everything's closed.

- Not Peck's department store.

Mr. Peck was in Rome having
a private thing with the pope

and Daddy made him fly back
to open the store for me.

- Mr. Peck gave up
an audience with the pope

just so you could shop?

- Well, the pope
will forgive him.

It's his job or something.

Wasn't that sweater
tagged for burning?

- I'm keeping it.
This is a great sweater.

- Fine, so what if
it reminds me of Michael?

Keep it. Sleep with it.
Marry it. See if I care.

But be forewarned,
I know where you live.

- Dump it, honey.

It does sort of make you
look like a tootsie roll.

- Dick, what's going to happen

when we start
reminding her of Michael?

- Beards, George.
We grow beards.

- Michael, you're
pretty chipper today.

- I have you to thank for it,
Dr. Kaiser.

Two weeks ago,
I was a babbling blankoid

with a birth in the bughouse.

- And now?

- I'm at peace with myself.

These are my people.
They really like me.

I found a home here.

- Hey Mikey,
big ping pong game tomorrow.

You want to be my partner?

- Sure, who are we playing?

- Joey and Martina.

- Who's Martina?

- Joey's other personality.

He's got a wicked backhand.

- Well, he sounds like
a tough team,

but remember, we've got
that two-body advantage.

- Michael, you're being
released tomorrow.

Your two-week evaluation
is over.

- Oh.

Sorry, Charley, I guess
we'll have to strike that match.

- All right,
but you tell Martina.

Those steroids make her mean.

- Dr. Kaiser, I can't leave.
I had a mental meltdown.

My synapses
crackled and popped.

- Michael, you had
an extreme anxiety attack.

But over the past few weeks,

I've watched you
grow stronger every day.

You're becoming the kind of man
I like and respect.

I think it's time
to face life out there.

- Well, can't I face life
out there from in here?

Besides, I can't go.

I still have two ashtrays
in the kiln.

- Michael, this is not
junior achievement.

There are people who really
need to be in here,

like Joey and Martina,
to name one.

- Well, I suppose
I could give it a try.

- See? You're sounding
more confident already.

- I mean, what's the worst thing
that could happen?

If I scatter my marbles again,

I can make a beeline
back here, right?

- Game's off.
Joey and Martina eloped.

- I used to have a silk blouse
just like that.

Of course, mine didn't gape.

For what you paid for it,

the buttons really
shouldn't strain like that.

- I know it's a little snug,
but it was cheap.

I bought this at Goodwill
for 15 dollars.

- American dollars?

What? It's a 100 percent silk.
Mine cost a fortune.

- I guess some of us
just know how to shop.

- What's Goodwill?

- Something you have toward men.

- No, not that good will,
the store.

She bought that silk blouse
there for peanuts.

- Well, Goodwill
is this wonderful

charitable organization
that sells secondhand clothes.

- You mean, someone
would actually pay

to wear other people's
filthy clothes?

Ew.

- Well, I'm sure they--they wash
them before they sell them.

I mean, don't they?

- I don't think so.

- Ew.

- By the way, Dick, I'll be
needing some more cash.

- I just gave you
a month's advance.

- Okay, give me a raise.

- You don't deserve a raise.

- That's not the point, Dick.

The point is,
I need more money to shop.

- Stephanie, I think
you've bought enough clothes

for a while.

- Oh Joanna, sometimes I wish
I could be more like you.

It doesn't bother you at all

to wear the same clothes
over and over and over again

until they almost fall
off your back.

- I don't care
how much you give her,

just get her out of here.

- Fine, just one more advance.

- Thanks.

I-I don't need food.

A fast will do me good.

- Yeah, I was going to mention
that weight gain

but I didn't think
it was my place.

- It isn't.

- Don't ever wear that blouse
in this town again.

- Wow, another ashtray.

Thanks, Charley.

I've been looking for a reason
to start smoking.

- A toast to Michael
and his life on the outside.

- To Michael.
- Michael!

- Michael!

- Speech!
Speech! Speech!

Come on, Mike!

- Thank you.
Thank you, folks.

You know, filming Oceans 11
was a swinging party for me.

I want to thank Sammy, Vino.

- I think they want
me to speak, Mike.

- Damn.

- You know, when I first
arrived here at Ridge Valley

two weeks ago,
I was a broken shell of a man,

but each one of you welcomed me
in your own special way.

I haven't been close
to many people in my life,

but you've all shown me
such warmth and affection

that I'll always cherish--

- Hey, everybody,
Geraldo' s on!

- Hello, Michael.
- Dr. Kaiser.

Well, as you can see,

the gang threw a bit of
a bye-bye bash for me.

Can I get you something?
Some punch?

A placebo?

Some ashtrays?

- Maybe later.

I stopped by to have
a little talk with you, Michael,

before you're discharged.

- No need to drop more quarters
in my confidence meter, Dr. K.

With your guidance, this guy's
geared to get up and get out.

- Michael, tomorrow I want you
to give Dr. Lyons a call.

He's a wonderful therapist,
a good friend of mine.

- But what do I need him for?

You're my doctor.

- I'm afraid I have to withdraw
from your case.

- Oh what, now that
I'm a looney, I'm a loose?

You're throwing me
to the lions?

- It's not like that at all,
Michael.

You see, I've been having
these feelings for you,

feelings that a doctor

should not be having
for her patient.

- You mean, you don't like me?

- Quite the opposite.

- You mean, I don't like you?

- Michael, I'm attracted to you.

- Huh?

- Isn't it ridiculous?

I know it sounds crazy.

I usually fall
for professional men,

men with careers and futures.

But there's something,
I don't know, erotic about you.

- Did you say
erotic or neurotic?

- Oh, what difference
does it make?

I can't see you anymore.
It's just not right.

Good luck, Michael.

I'm sure you'll be
just fine out there.

- Dick, Joanna, notice
anything different about me?

- You switched heads with a guy
in a peach jumpsuit?

- No, Stephanie
bought this for me.

She said it screamed George.

- It's screaming
something else to me.

- He wouldn't get rid
of the stupid hat.

- Well, I needed something macho
to offset the shoulder pads.

- Good choice.

- You're buying things
for George now?

- I found out that shopping
is just as much fun

for other people as for myself.

It gives me the same rush.

- George, you--you look
like--like an astronaut.

- That's exactly
what the salesman said,

only he didn't say "tronaut."

- Excuse me.

Aren't you Chuck Yeager?

- Chuck--Chuck doesn't wear
peach.

- You know, it's a pity
so few men are secure enough

in their masculinity
that they can wear pastels.

My ex-husband
used to dress like him.

- Where did you
get that sweater?

- Goodwill.

- Again, Goodwill.
Okay, how much?

- Eight dollars.

- No way, you lie.

- It's true.

They even threw in
these Italian boots.

- How can they
afford to do that?

- Well, they said
some older gentleman

dropped off box after box...

- You know,
I may not be Chuck Yeager,

but there was a time when
I bucked the speed limit.

You want to
hear about it over lunch?

- Sure.

- Want to see what I got?

Oh, I don't remember buying
this, but I'm glad I did.

It matches the one
I got yesterday.

- Well, you know what they say,
you can't have too many--

what the hell is that?

- A mink muff,
you wear it ice skating.

- This is April, Stephanie.
There's no ice.

- Then I'll wear it
roller skating.

- You know, Stephanie,

we're starting to
get a little worried.

I mean, you have always been
quite a shopper,

but lately it's like
you're on a shopping rampage.

Every time we see you,

you're coming in
loaded down with shopping bags.

- [SIGHS]
Well, thanks for your concern,

but I've already
recognized the problem

and I've decided to do
something about it.

- Oh, good for you.

- From now on, I'm having
everything delivered.

- Well, now with that major
problem taken care of,

we can concentrate on this
little shopping addiction.

- I think you're both
overreacting.

- Stephanie Vanderkellen?

- Yes?
- Okay.

This is the place, Humphrey.

Where do you want your aquarium?

- I bought an aquarium?

- Yep, and 20 pairs of
Siamese fighting fish.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

- Come in.

- Dr. Kaiser, thanks
for squeezing me in.

I really need your help.

- Well, you sounded
so distraught on the phone

that I canceled my group
with the severely depressed.

What's the problem?

- I shop too much.

- And those people
have the nerve to complain

just because they have
no reason to live.

- Dr. Kaiser, I'm so scared.

One minute, I was in a taxi

on my way to
Peck's department store

and the next thing I knew,

I was in that tacky
factory outlet

between the green
stamp redemption center

and that bail bond place.

- You blacked out?

- But that's not the scary part.

When I came to,
I was fighting off two chubbos

for a pair of
polyester capri pants.

- Oh, there, there, there.
Now, just relax.

Now tell me, when did you first
become aware of this problem?

- Well, I used to be
just a social shopper,

two, three outfits a week,

and then my boyfriend
dumped me.

Suddenly, two or three outfits
weren't enough to satisfy me.

I needed it more and more.

The urge to purchase
was overpowering.

It began to control me.

It became more important
than my work.

Well, actually, anything's
more important than my work.

You know, it's funny.

When you buy one blouse, nobody
really pays any attention.

You're invisible.

But when you walk up
to a salesclerk and say,

"I'll take 25 blouses,"
let me tell you,

they look at you
in wonderment.

Like you are somebody.

And at that very moment,
you are on top of the world.

There is no higher high.

I mean, you feel like
you are Robin Givens.

And then, the next morning,
reality slaps you in the face.

You wake up alone,

surrounded by crumpled
tissue paper and straight pins,

and God, you wonder if
you can make it through the day.

And then you see
those empty shopping bags

and you know
you won't be complete

until you see them
filled again.

And there you are,
back on the street again,

headed for the mall.

- Well, it seems to me that
all this mindless accumulation

is simply a substitute
for the love you're missing.

What is this?

- A cordless power drill.
It's mine, put it back.

- Sorry.

Look, I know you feel powerless,
even though you own a drill,

but you have to learn to
overcome this obsession.

You have to try to
control this dependency.

- I used to have a sweater
just like that.

- Oh, it's a Jianita Bruccizi.

I just picked it up
for four dollars at Goodwill.

- Four stinking dollars?

Of course, it's been on
someone else's disgusting body.

I was wearing mine the night
he told me he loved me.

- I think we have to
end this session.

- I don't think I'm cured yet.

- Look, I've got problems
of my own, okay?

You see, I've been treating
Michael at Ridge Valley

for the past two weeks.

- Oh.

- He's the reason
I can't be your therapist.

- You're choosing Michael
as a patient over me?

Why? Because he's more neurotic?

- No, because he's more erotic.

- Did you say erotic or erratic?

- Erotic.

I kissed him, okay?

- You what?

- I kissed him!

I kissed him!
I kissed him!

There, I feel better
for saying it,

and I hope
you're not too upset.

- Why should I be upset,
Dr. Tramp?

- He didn't give me a chance
to be a tramp.

- What is that supposed to mean?

- Well, to put it in his words,
I don't peter his o'tool.

- Well, I'm not surprised.

He never was attracted
to thick ankles.

- It had nothing to do
with my ankles.

Obviously he's just not used to
a woman with a mind.

- You can't talk to me
like that.

- I most certainly can.

I'm not charging you
for this session.

- Well, good because
I don't need your help.

I can lick this
shopping thing on my own.

Here.

- What is that?

- It's my Peck's charge card.

Go and buy yourself
some new clothes.

Maybe you can give that sweater
back to the poor slob

who was stupid enough to throw
it away in the first place.

- Joanna Loudon?

- Where's your jumpsuit, George?

- Oh, I put it away.

It was too radical
for this town.

- What do you mean?

- There's just so many times
you can hear,

"Hey peaches,
where's your cream?"

"Hey peaches, nice cobbler,"

and "Hey George,
how's it going?"

That last one didn't bother me
as much as the others.

- Well, I guess, you know,

they feel less threatened
by you and your overalls.

- Dick, am I too hip
for this berg?

- Yes, George.

- Thought so.

Maybe I'll hang on to
my jumpsuits.

Who knows, one day
I may get to Montpellier.

- Good idea.
It's a--it's a peach town.

- Stephanie, whatever those are,
return them.

There's no more room
at the inn.

- It's all right, Joanna.
These are from Goodwill.

From now on, I'll be doing
all my shopping there.

- Really?

- And look at this great dress
I got for only ten dollars.

It's just like my old one.

- And it--it won't remind you
of Michael?

- Michael who?

Boy, I wish I hadn't
burned all my clothes.

- How long can we
keep this from her?

- Oh, by the way, Dick.

They had this sweater there
exactly like yours,

right down to the dry cleaning
tag with your name on it.

- I...I think
we can tell her now.

[♪♪♪]

- Meow.