All language subtitles for Newhart S06E23

But, Steph, what--

what if I really, really,
really, really want it?

Aw, Michael.

No.

What's-- what's going on?

We're designing
our dream house.

We're-- we're trying to decide
what we would put

in our house to--
to end all houses and--

and Steph won't let me have
a pool room.

I don't want a pool room.

I want a cosmetics room.

Well, in that case,
why don't you, uh--

why don't you just
have both rooms?

Dick, whose house is this?

I refuse to have a pool room
in my house

unless there's a pool in it.

But, Steph...

And, Michael,

how can this be
a dream house

if it has stuff in it
I don't like?

That would make it
a bad dream house.

Dick, guess what was posted
down at Peterson's?

Uh, sale prices
on flu and cold remedies.

Oh, those are always posted,
Dick.

So we can't accept that answer.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

There was a notice
that this town

is gonna form a glee club.

Hot dog.

There hasn't been this much
excitement since--

Well, since the last time
we had a glee club.

There was one before?

You bet.

We were in two county fairs
before we disbanded

in a rift over whether to sway

during
"Swing Low, Sweet Chariot."

But nothing like that
will happen this time,

because the new leader is
Hazel Ferneyhough.

She was a den mother for years.
She'll run a tight ship.

But does she know anything
about music, George?

Oh, yeah.

She was choir director

at the biggest Lutheran church
in Tyville.

And you know how
those Lutherans can sing.

She doesn't have perfect pitch,
but she can recognize it.

Dick, I think this sounds
like a lot of fun.

I do too.
You should try out.

And you'll try out too?

No.

I'd think about it
if I were you, Dick.

There's nothing like gathering
with your fellow townsmen

to sing songs of inspiration.

Well, I'd better go practice

my "Three Blind Mice"
for the audition.

Come on, honey.
Let's join.

Honey, I don't wanna join
the glee club.

But you love to sing.

And we've been saying we wanna
do something together

outside the inn.

Joanna, I-- I just--

I-- I don't feel comfortable
with my voice, okay?

But you have a fine voice.

How do you know?

You sing on car trips
all the time.

Honey, that-- that--
that's in a sedan.

[ Sighs ]

All-- all right,
if you must know,

I-- I had some unpleasant
experiences with these--

these clubs.

I mean, they--

they're not the bastions
of glee

that their name
would lead you to believe.

What are you talking about?

[ Sighs ]

When-- when I was 11,
I joined our school glee club.

And in one session,

without any instructions,
mind you, our--

our teacher separated us
into voice categories.

Alto, soprano, contralto,

and she put me in a category
all by myself.

The monotones.

Well, Dick, that was very cruel
of that teacher.

Well, unfortunately,

I was bragging about it
until I looked it up.

Honey--

Joanna, I don't wanna
relive that.

You don't sing monotone.

And besides, this is just
some townspeople

getting together to have fun.

Come on.

Trust me.

O--okay, but if I don't get in

or if I'm humiliated in any way,

I-- I can kill you.

[ Clears throat ]
So...

how--
how do you think it went?

Oh, I think you did fine.

"America the Beautiful"
was a nice choice.

I just-- I just wish I hadn't
forgotten the words.

You covered very nicely
with the humming.

-Joanna, you were wonderful.
-Oh.

I didn't know you sing
light opera.

When you were performing,

I thought I was
on the H.M.S. Pinafore.

Oh. Thanks, George.

I enjoyed your
"Three Blind Mice" too.

Oh, sure.
Everyone enjoys a classic.

[ Clears throat ]

Oh, hi, Dick. You know, uh,
next time you might--

might wanna carry
the words up with you.

Joanna, what a lovely audition.

Thank you, Chester.

George, solid as always.

Oh, thanks.

Dick.

Well, congratulate me.

I was just measured
for my robe.

We-- we were all measured.

Oh. So I shouldn't take that
as a sign that I'm a shoe-in?

No.

Shoot. Now I wish I hadn't
already called the wife

and told her,

"Uncork that bottle
of sparkling cider."

We were saving it
in case anything good

ever happened to us.

Mrs. Loudon,

just thought I'd say nice tune.

Oh, yeah. Loudon.

Yeah.

It's
"For purple mountain's majesty."

"Above the fruited plain."

I forgot, okay?

Suppose you forgot the tune too?

You were fine.

Okay, everyone,

I have the list
of glee club members

-if anyone's interested.
-Oh yeah.

Harley Estin, you're in.

Hot dog!

I can't wait to tell the wife
to break out the juice glasses!

Officer Shifflett, you're in.

Thank you, ma'am.

The gun goes inside the robe.

I can live with that.

Chester Wanamaker, you're in.

Thank you.

-George Utley, you're in.
-Ah!

Oh boy! I promise
I'll do my best.

Good boy.

-Dick Loudon.
-[ Sighs ]

Dick...

No.

Uh, you're-- you're in.

-What?
-Thank God.

Very melodic, Mr. Loudon.
Very melodic.

Uh-- uh, Mrs. Ferneyhough!

Oh, Mrs. Ferneyhough,

you forgot to check
the list for me.

Mm, no I didn't, dear.

I didn't have to.

You didn't make it.

[ Clears throat ]

You want--
you want some more punch?

Boy...
[ Laughs ]

I-- I guess I didn't know how
high I'd let my hopes get.

I was just assuming I'd get in.

You must be relieved.

What-- what do you mean?

I mean, you never really wanted
to be in the club,

and since we were
just doing this

to have something
we could do together,

now there's no reason
for you to be part of it.

Jo-- uh, Joanna, I--

You know, I-- I don't
think it's, you know--

it's fair to--
to quit this soon.

You're gonna stay in a glee club
that rejected me?

Well, um,

honey, it-- you know,
it's for the town. They--

they said they could use a--
a melodic singer.

Well, fine.

But, you-- uh, you know,

look at-- look at the,
uh-- the bright side.

I-- I-- I don't have to kill ya.

Well,

if the house
is four stories,

there has to be an elevator.

I-- I agree, Steph,

I-- I just don't think it should
be made of glass.

Why on earth not?

Well, I-- I just don't think
the inside of an elevator is--

is a place where I can
always be counted on

to look my best.

From first to penthouse,

I'd-- I'd like the option
to slouch and not be seen.

I don't think I know you.

But, Steph...

Joanna,

I-- I think you're being
unreasonable

expecting me to quit
the glee club

because you didn't get in.

I-- I mean, would you have quit
if I didn't get in?

If you hadn't gotten in,

it would've been because

you forgot the words
and hummed off key.

I didn't get in because
Mrs. Ferneyhough hates me.

You s-- you said I was fine.

I lied.

Joanna, I-- I think you're
jumping to conclusions as--

as-- as to why
you didn't get in.

I mean, Mrs. Ferneyhough has--
has taught Lutherans.

I-- I mean, somebody with--
with that kind of experience

wouldn't-- wouldn't do
a thing like that

on-- on-- on a whim.

I-- I-- I think you should
talk to her.

Well, yeah, maybe you're right.

I mean, why would

Mrs. Ferneyhough
hate me?

I've never done anything to her.

Exactly.

Although, I did pass her
in the grocery store

when I had a lot on my mind
and forgot to speak.

She would want revenge for that.

And her son's birthday
was in the paper last week,

and I didn't even send a card.

She doesn't hate you.

I mean, talk to her
and find out why

she-- she-- she seems
to hate you.

Okay. Okay, I will.

After your rehearsal Thursday.

Good.

And what if I don't get
any satisfaction?

Honey, I firmly believe
if Hazel Ferneyhough,

-a-- a former den mother,
-Yeah.

is-- is an honest and--
and rational woman.

But if we find that she wouldn't
let you join for some--

for some petty reason,
I-- I will resign.

-Promise?
-Promise.

Okay.

Hey, I didn't really sing
off-key, did I?

Way down

Down by the riverside

Oh, very nice.

Now, let's look at this
next piece of music.

Dick, you did such
a nice job last time.

Would you like
to hand these out too?

Shoot. I was just about
to raise my hand.

Sure.

Just try to take a job away
from the teacher's pet.

Dick, I want you to know,

I've been listening to you

and you have
a beautiful E flat.

R-- really?

Mm, very full-bodied.

"Very full-bodied."

Quiet!

Looks like someone--

I am not the teacher's pet.

All right now.

Let's all stand up correctly.

Harley, straighten that back.

Officer Shifflett, chest out.

Dick,

perfect.

Everyone look at Dick.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.

I-- I thought you were finished.

Oh, my.

Nine o'clock already.

Well, that's all for tonight.

Nice finial consonants,
everyone.

Uh, Mrs-- Mrs. Ferneyhough?

Could I speak to you
for a second?

Why, of course.

Uh, I was thinking
the other night and--

I realized that I owe you
an apology.

I passed you in the store

and was so preoccupied
that I didn't speak.

Oh, honey, don't worry about it.

These things happen
all the time.

So you weren't bothered by that?

Heavens, no.

Oh.

And-- and I'm sorry I never sent
your son a birthday card.

Well, I did think
that was a little rude.

You did?

Yes, but then when I thought
about it a minute,

I realized he probably never
sent you one either.

[ Chuckles ]
Now, if you'll excuse me--

Oh, Mrs. Ferneyhough,

I'm curious as to why

I didn't get in
to the glee club.

Was it my singing?

Oh, my, no.
You have a lovely voice.

Then, what was it?

Your height.

I beg your pardon?

Your height.

We didn't have
a match for you.

You see, this whole choir
was selected

so that when lined up correctly,

they form a perfect pyramid.

And you feel
this is very important?

Oh, my, yes.

The way food looks on a plate
is 75 percent of how it tastes.

My theory is the way
a choir looks

is 75 percent
of how it sounds.

So you see,
if I were to let you in,

we'd sound... lopsided.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have some organ stops
to adjust.

[ Clears throat ]

Honey, did you--

did you straighten
everything out?

Oh, yes.

I didn't get in
because of my height.

Apparently, I'd mess up
the... pyramid.

How's that for a silly reason?

[ Sighs ]

Well, to-- to tell
the truth, uh,

I mean, you know, we--

we do look pretty sharp,
you know, all--

[ Clears throat ]

all-- all lined up together.

You're not gonna quit,
are you?

Joanna, I-- I--
I just don't think you're--

you know,
you're thinking this through.

And you truly don't think

size is a petty reason
for keeping me out?

I-- I really don't.
If-- if I did,

I wouldn't be staying.

Congratulations
on your solo, Dick.

Yeah, way to go.

Hi, Jo.

Reading again?

I like to read.

Well, you two are
all dressed up.

Are you going to the glee club
preview concert tonight?

Of course.

I mean, it is an event.

It's a pathetic excuse
for an event, but...

it does qualify.

Steph and I try to attend
anything in this town

that you need tickets for.

Unless it involves
winning a ham.

You know, this is the first time
in over a week

you two haven't been planning
your dream house.

-That's because we settled it.
-[ Sighs ]

Really?

STEPHANIE: Mm-hm.

We've decided to build
two separate houses

on the same 100-acre grounds.

Divided only by a holly maze.

Boxwood maze.

Uh, but sugar lips,
holly is much more colorful.

But boxwood is the traditional
maze foliage.

Okay, boxwood.

Right. See you, Joanna.

Oh, don't pout.

We can always put holly
around the fountain.

What fountain?

Hi.

Hi.

[ Clears throat ]

I think it's real nice
of you to--

to attend the preview concert
tonight.

I'm going for George.

My applause will be
very selective.

[ Clears throat ]

Look, uh, honey, if somebody
besmirched your name or--

or lied about you, I mean,
I would refuse to--

to associate with
that person, but,

I mean, not getting
into a glee club is--

is hardly a call to--
to defend your honor or--

or-- or give up my solo.

So we're where we always were.

Poles apart.

Oh, I-- you know,
I'd feel a lot better if--

if you would wish me
luck tonight.

[ Sighs ]

Dick,

break a leg.

Thanks.

In fact, break both of them.

Uh, George, would--
would you, uh--

would you practice my--
my solo with me?

Sure, Dick.

-[ Clears throat ]
-[ Clears throat ]

-Down by the old mill stream
-Mill stream

-Where I first met you
-Met you

You're gonna knock
their socks off, Dick.

Well, I'm-- I'm pretty excited.

You know, I've never had
a solo before.

Uh, technically,
it's an echo, Dick.

Boy, there's nothing like a robe

to make you feel like
a choir member, huh?

Nervous about your echo, Dick?

Well, may-- maybe a little.

Well, I've sung dozens
in my time,

and I've got a little tip,
if you're interested.

Sure.

Never drink milk.

All right.
Gather round, everyone.

Now, this is a preview concert

designed so we can get used to
singing in front of the public.

Now, let's take our places.

And remember,

no talking, no gum chewing,
and no milk.

Dick, you won't be
singing tonight.

You-- you-- you mean
my solo is out?

I mean you're out.

Your match, Mrs. Eades,
broke her hip.

She's down for the season.
Sorry.

But-- but, I--
I can go on without her.

And mess up my pyramid?

The audience
is getting restless.

But, I-- can't--
can't you find anyone to--

to take her place?

The only person who would
qualify would be Joanna.

On a box.

Now, I have the box.

And-- And I--
And I can get Joanna.

Are you sure?

Sure. I-- I've been a--
a good and faithful husband

for 17 years.

I mean, she-- she does
owe me something.

Ex-- excuse me. Sorry.

Excuse me.

Lost?

Uh, Jo-- Joanna, um,

how-- how-- how would you like
to-- to be in the glee club?

What are you talking about?

Well, ther-- there's an opening
so, you know, I--

I-- I thought of you.

And just, come with me,
your-- your robe awaits.

Not so fast.

I heard about Mrs. Eade's hip.

Oh.

This is her granddaughter,
Suzy.

Hi.

Nice-- nice to meet you.

She's doing fine.

Good.

Come on, Joanna.

This-- I mean, this solves all--
all our problems.

You get to sing,
I-- I get to sing.

Not all our problems, Dick.

You broke a promise to me.

What-- what promise?

You promised to stand by her
and resign the choir,

and you didn't.

No. No, no. I-- I made--

I made a conditional promise.

I-- I promised that if--
if I thought that

Mrs. Ferneyhough's reasons
were silly,

that-- that I'd resign.

But at-- at the time,
I-- I didn't think they--

Why am I telling you?

I'm Suzy's husband, Huck.

You didn't think that
being the wrong height

was silly?

Have-- have you talked
to these people?

I needed to vent a little.

Well, now-- now I realize

that Mrs. Ferneyhough's
height regulations

were-- were pretty, uh, petty.

Now that they affect you.

People grow and-- and learn.

O--okay, Joanna,
I-- I-- I was wrong.

Let's-- let's forgive and--
and forget.

Let's-- let's--
let's move forward.

Let's-- let's sing.

No.

GEORGE: Dick, we can't wait
much longer.

Jo--Joanna, I-- I-- I can't let
you pass up this opportunity.

Now-- now you can be
as wrong as-- as I was or--

or-- you can--
you can rise above it.

I'll be as wrong as you were.

Joanna.

Come on, Loudon.

Leave her alone
if she doesn't wanna sing.

Look, could you
stay out of this?

I-- I doubt if she told you
everything.

Yes, I did.

Did-- did you--
you tell him about--

about the solo?

Oh, I heard it was
more of an echo.

Dick, my mind is made up.

[ Sighs ]

O--Okay, honey.

I'll just take off my robe,

try to-- try to find a seat.

[ Sighs ]

Probably, uh--

probably somewhere,
you know, back.

I won't--
I won't bother anybody with--

with my-- my sniffling.

Boy, you are a cold woman,
Joanna.

But-- But I-- I guess I've been
pretty insensitive too.

And I-- I'm really sorry
that I was so--

so selfish. I'm-- I'm--
I'm garbage.

What did he say?

I'm garbage.

Oh, all right, I'll sing.
You pathetic'd me into it.

You-- you-- you mean it?

Yes.

Wait a minute.

We're not the same size.
How can I be your match?

Well, there's a-- there's
a little matter of a box.

But-- but, honey, please,
please don't back down now.

All right. I'll sing on a box.

You are the best.

But, Dick,

that solo of yours?

Yeah.

Now it's a duet.

Meow.