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1
00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:52,717
Well,
2
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:57,021
all the rooms are sparkling and
shining like nobody's business,
3
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,023
so I'm ready to get to work
down here.
4
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,225
What do you want me
to do first?
5
00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:03,928
Steph-- Steph-- Stephanie,
is that you?
6
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:05,663
Of course!
7
00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:09,301
Uh, should I start in your study
or here in the lobby?
8
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:10,335
Oh! I know.
9
00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:12,070
That kitchen floor could use
a good scrubbing.
10
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,640
She-- She wants something
and it must be huge.
11
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,177
O--O--Okay, what is it?
12
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:21,513
Well, there is one thing.
13
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,117
I wanna do my job better.
14
00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:30,021
I mean, you two have always
been so terrific to me,
15
00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:32,357
and all I've ever done
is take advantage.
16
00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:34,126
But that's all changed.
17
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:35,927
I've come to realize
that it's no crime
18
00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:38,963
to do the job you're paid to do
the very best you can.
19
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,367
-A raise. She wants a raise.
-Ah!
20
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,737
No. Don't be silly.
21
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:46,505
[ Giggles ]
22
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,048
Honey, don't make
any sudden moves.
23
00:01:57,083 --> 00:01:58,082
She may be dangerous.
24
00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:03,355
Hi, Dick, Joanna.
Good to see ya.
25
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,559
That-- that was all in English.
26
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,629
I've given up those
nutty hello things.
27
00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:11,563
To tell the truth,
28
00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:12,997
I was even starting
to get on my nerves.
29
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:15,667
STEPHANIE: Michael.
30
00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:16,401
Steph.
31
00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:19,538
-Thank you, sweetheart.
-Mmm.
32
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:24,108
They-- they-- they weren't
sickeningly cute together.
33
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:27,479
Well, we've come to realize
that you can be in love
34
00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:28,780
without making others
wanna puke.
35
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:33,652
Oh, by the way, Dick,
36
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,587
here's a list
of guests for, uh,
37
00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:37,722
the next few Vermont Today s.
38
00:02:37,757 --> 00:02:38,523
Here it comes.
39
00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:44,329
Mi--Michael, these are all
classy, intelligent people.
40
00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:45,129
Dick, you've been a good friend,
41
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,130
and the least I can do
42
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,932
is produce the kind
of TV program you want.
43
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:49,767
To be honest,
44
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,035
I think it's gonna be
a better show.
45
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:52,770
See ya Sunday.
46
00:02:58,312 --> 00:02:59,311
I-- I'm frightened.
47
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:02,480
Dick, relax.
48
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,916
Things are finally starting
to go your way.
49
00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:06,751
Just enjoy it while it lasts.
50
00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:16,361
Hi. I'm Larry.
51
00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:17,429
This is my brother Darryl,
52
00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:18,830
and this is my other
brother Darryl.
53
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,033
Well, it was a great
10 seconds.
54
00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:22,734
Yeah.
55
00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:26,705
We just wanted to stop by
and say bye.
56
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:27,239
How come?
57
00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:29,774
Well, mainly
because we're leavin'.
58
00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:32,110
Wha-- what?
59
00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:35,647
We've decided to give up
our life in the big city
60
00:03:35,682 --> 00:03:38,182
and move back to our cabin
in the woods.
61
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,584
Of course, the downside is
62
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:42,520
we probably won't be seein'
as much of each other anymore.
63
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,088
Probably only when you want to.
64
00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:49,594
Only when we want.
65
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:51,730
Uh-oh.
66
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:53,365
Darryl was worried
67
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,333
that this might turn
into an emotional scene.
68
00:03:57,036 --> 00:03:58,303
Don't-- don't--
don't worry, guys.
69
00:03:58,338 --> 00:03:59,571
For your sakes, I'll--
70
00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:01,906
I'll try and show nothing but--
but happiness.
71
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,410
Thanks.
We will miss you.
72
00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:07,379
Well, we should be goin'.
73
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,281
We have to decide
what food can travel
74
00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:10,582
back to the cabin with us
75
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:13,351
and what we have to scarf down
in a wild eating binge.
76
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:16,521
Well,
77
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:19,157
[ Sighs ]
Good-bye.
78
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:32,937
I don't-- I--
I don't believe this.
79
00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:35,674
They're--
They're moving out of town,
80
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:38,142
Stephanie is cleaning
like a demon,
81
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,778
Michael is--
is finally doing the show
82
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,279
the way-- the way I want.
83
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,215
All-- all the problems
in my life are--
84
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:46,751
are sud-- suddenly gone.
85
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,787
I know, honey.
It's wonderful!
86
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:50,689
Man,
87
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:52,524
I mean, I almost--
88
00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:55,059
almost feel like--
like pinching myself.
89
00:04:55,094 --> 00:04:56,027
[ Laughs ]
90
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:01,800
Damn it.
91
00:05:10,777 --> 00:05:12,109
Morning, Dick.
92
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:12,944
Morning, George.
93
00:05:14,013 --> 00:05:18,216
Mmm, pancakes.
My favorite.
94
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:19,183
[ Sniffs ]
95
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,986
Mm. Mm-mm-mm.
96
00:05:25,191 --> 00:05:28,326
And they taste as good
as they smell.
97
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,194
I need a good breakfast
this morning,
98
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:32,397
because I'm gonna start
re-shingling the roof.
99
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,134
Well, you got-- you got
perfect weather for it.
100
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:37,869
Yep.
101
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:38,603
[ Sniffs ]
102
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:42,073
Mmm, great coffee.
103
00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:51,182
Uh, uh, George?
104
00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:54,652
Is-- is this-- is this
all you're gonna do?
105
00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:56,721
Huh?
106
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:58,723
Well, it-- it is a dream.
107
00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:00,324
So?
108
00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:04,462
Well, in-- in a dream,
you can do anything you like.
109
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:09,801
I like this.
110
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:16,808
But-- but this is exactly
like your real life.
111
00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:20,478
Yeah, but to me,
my real life is a dream.
112
00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:23,114
Smell these, Dick.
113
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:26,384
George,
I don't wanna smell 'em.
114
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:29,487
See-- see the great thing
about-- about dreams is--
115
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:30,822
is you can do things that--
116
00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:32,791
that you can't do in--
in real life.
117
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,294
Dick, I have this dream
all the time,
118
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:37,462
and I like it fine.
119
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,765
That is, until you started
bugging me in it.
120
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:46,404
George, m--maybe--
maybe you don't realize your--
121
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,972
your dream options.
122
00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:51,676
Like, uh, st--st--
strange lighting.
123
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,948
Uh, you can, uh--
124
00:06:56,983 --> 00:07:00,217
you can-- you can make it, uh,
thunder and lightning outside.
125
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,886
[ Thunder crashes ]
126
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,655
Well, there goes
the shingling weather.
127
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,025
All right, all right,
forget about outside.
128
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:10,094
George, there are
a lot of neat things
129
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:12,196
you can-- you can do here
like, uh,
130
00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:14,365
uh, strange-- strange music.
131
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:18,736
[ Eerie music plays ]
132
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:23,575
Or, uh, mysterious mists.
133
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,308
Uh...
134
00:07:26,145 --> 00:07:28,513
George-- George, you--
you can even make
135
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:30,448
inanimate objects talk.
136
00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:31,749
How you doin', George?
137
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:35,820
Dick, are you trying to make me
wake up crying?
138
00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:40,091
No, George, I'm just trying
to show ya how to have--
139
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,493
how to have fun
in your dreams.
140
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:44,796
I appreciate it, Dick,
but believe me, I'm fine.
141
00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:46,798
And my dream is fine.
142
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,066
Now, I gotta go
re-shingle that roof.
143
00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:55,039
G--George, uh, I--
I gotta tell ya,
144
00:07:55,074 --> 00:07:57,308
I-- I think you're wasting
your time dreaming like this,
145
00:07:57,343 --> 00:07:59,110
but I mean, it's up to you,
you know,
146
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,479
if you wanna have
boring dreams.
147
00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:03,414
Gee, Dick, give me a chance.
148
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:19,998
Well, at-- at least now, George,
149
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,567
shingling that roof should--
should be a cinch.
150
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:41,252
Steph, what's the emergency?
151
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:43,721
Michael, thank goodness
you're here!
152
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:45,456
What is it, my cute cupazoid?
153
00:08:46,492 --> 00:08:48,793
There's something
terribly horrible upstairs,
154
00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:50,862
and I just know it's going
to come down and get me.
155
00:08:50,897 --> 00:08:52,964
Really? What?
156
00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:54,398
Well, I don't know, but...
157
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,901
it's wicked and putrid
and generally gross,
158
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,536
and it'll be here any second.
159
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,006
Well, I'll give those
worry wrinkles walking papers,
160
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,041
because nothing, but nothing
161
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,642
is gonna mess
with my sensual senorita
162
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,678
as long as this blood box
is still pumping!
163
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,579
[ Sobbing ]
164
00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:14,118
[ Horror music ]
165
00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:15,053
Oh, no!
166
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:15,954
Don't worry!
167
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,455
Before it can get near
my main muffin,
168
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,490
it'll have to pry away
my dead carcass!
169
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:21,960
Ew!
170
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:23,595
But thank you.
171
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,362
Here it comes!
172
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:36,608
[ Screams ]
173
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,110
Oh, Michael,
174
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:40,078
isn't that the most
175
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,580
frighteningly evil thing
you've ever seen?
176
00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:45,883
Yeah, it's more frightening
than anything in The Boogans !
177
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:49,687
Stephanie...
178
00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:50,521
Oh, my God!
179
00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:51,956
It even has speech problems!
180
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:54,926
Michael, help me!
181
00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:56,193
Gee, Steph,
I know I said I'd help,
182
00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,895
but this is scarier
than I bargained for.
183
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,363
I'm off the goose pimples scale,
184
00:09:59,398 --> 00:10:01,432
and I'm dangerously close
to fabric-ruining perspiration.
185
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:02,634
I love you a lot,
but I'm outta here.
186
00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:03,701
Call if you live!
187
00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:05,970
Michael!
188
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:08,006
[ Gasps ]
189
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,674
[ Grunting ]
190
00:10:09,709 --> 00:10:10,441
Oh!
191
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:13,410
Oh!
192
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,279
[ Grunting ]
193
00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:17,248
It's pointless to run.
194
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:18,783
[ Gasps ]
195
00:10:20,586 --> 00:10:22,120
What do you want from me?
196
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,688
Why, just one little thing.
197
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,090
I want you to clean.
198
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,592
[ Horror movie sting ]
199
00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:33,597
But I already cleaned
every inch of the inn.
200
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,066
I cleaned it nice.
201
00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:36,467
But it's not good enough.
202
00:10:37,336 --> 00:10:39,137
I want you to start
all over again
203
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:41,906
and clean all 100 rooms.
204
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:44,408
But we don't have 100 rooms.
205
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:45,777
We do now.
206
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,079
I made George build all night.
207
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:52,416
[ Maniacal laughing ]
208
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,787
Why are you so mean to me,
Joanna?
209
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,655
Because you're so good
and pure.
210
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,991
And so incredibly perfect
and beautiful.
211
00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:01,192
Well, you got me there.
212
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:07,431
But you won't be by the time
I'm through with you.
213
00:11:07,466 --> 00:11:08,599
I want you to scrub.
214
00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:10,634
Now.
215
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:16,174
-[ Jaws inspired music plays ]
-[ Gasps ]
216
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:17,041
Oh!
217
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,419
But there's no scrub brush.
218
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,421
Why so there isn't.
219
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:32,156
Here,
220
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:34,491
use this.
221
00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:37,361
[ Psycho inspired music ]
222
00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:38,029
A toothbrush?
223
00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:41,565
And it doesn't even have
a full-sized head.
224
00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:42,266
[ Sobbing ]
225
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,202
Get to work.
226
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:45,402
[ Sobbing ]
227
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:49,473
Faster! Faster! Faster!
228
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:54,445
[ Maniacal laughing ]
229
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:55,980
Whoa, Scoliosis!
230
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:58,750
[ Trumpet fanfare ]
231
00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:06,657
Stop abusing my pure
and perfect pita,
232
00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:07,324
you wench!
233
00:12:08,027 --> 00:12:09,927
Oh, Michael, you came back!
234
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:10,728
I couldn't stay away,
235
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,163
knowing how much
I loved you,
236
00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:13,231
and once I realized nothing bad
237
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,665
could really happen to me
in a dream.
238
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:15,366
[ laughs ]
239
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:16,768
My hero!
240
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,470
And I come
bearing great news!
241
00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:21,038
Your father gave us
four million dollars
242
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,240
to get a home
and start a family
243
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,375
and still have enough left over
to buy a major yacht!
244
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:25,243
[ Laughs ]
245
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:25,810
And look!
246
00:12:26,612 --> 00:12:27,945
We already have two children.
247
00:12:30,449 --> 00:12:31,649
You don't have to go through
the bother
248
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:32,583
of having them yourself.
249
00:12:32,618 --> 00:12:33,785
No stretchmarks.
250
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,087
Ew!
251
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:40,091
Oh, Michael, you're wonderful.
252
00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:41,893
Let's ride off together.
253
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:43,727
Let's march, muffin.
254
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,897
She's not going anywhere.
255
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,064
-[ Ominous music ]
-Well, I'm going anyway,
256
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,099
and you can't stop me.
257
00:12:53,739 --> 00:12:55,339
M--maybe she can, Steph.
258
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:57,842
I'll tell you what.
259
00:12:58,511 --> 00:12:59,677
I'll make you a deal.
260
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:01,612
You can go.
261
00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:05,749
As soon as you finish
dusting the lobby.
262
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:06,717
[ Sighs ]
263
00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:08,085
Well, that sounds fair.
264
00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:10,021
This won't take long.
265
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:11,956
Oh, no?
266
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,825
[ Slowed down manical laughing ]
267
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:17,295
[ Eerie music plays ]
268
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:22,300
[ Crickets chirping ]
269
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:22,900
Oh.
270
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,536
Thank goodness it was
only a dream.
271
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:28,840
Those children weren't
even blond.
272
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:37,915
Hola, head honcho.
273
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:38,850
Greetings, major muchacho.
274
00:13:38,885 --> 00:13:40,284
We have the ratings,
el grande bosso.
275
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:42,519
Good, good, good.
Let's see.
276
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:45,923
CBS 46.7, ABC 46.8, NBC 46.9.
277
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,524
-You won the week again, sir.
-How could I lose?
278
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,393
-I'm running all three networks.
-And brilliantly!
279
00:13:49,428 --> 00:13:50,694
Now, there are record
viewing levels,
280
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:51,329
but I know we can do better.
281
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:52,163
The schedule needs work.
282
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:53,030
Oh, yes, yes!
Let's make it work!
283
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,598
Let's see, what's
our number one show?
284
00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:56,667
That would be People Have Sex and Then Get Killed Theater .
285
00:13:58,271 --> 00:13:59,403
Oh, yes.
One of my own ideas.
286
00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:00,437
-Oh, yes.
-A very good idea, sir.
287
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:02,240
Well, there have been
a few complaints about it
288
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,041
from a few tiny
special-interest groups.
289
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,544
What could they possibly say
is wrong with it?
290
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,180
Uh, too much sex and violence.
291
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:10,481
Really?
292
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,583
Maybe they'll calm down if we
move it out of the family hour.
293
00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:13,684
Oh, that's fantastic, sir!
294
00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:14,518
We need a show
to take its place.
295
00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:15,552
Something high con,
defined modal,
296
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:16,553
with center cut,
and a healthy top spin.
297
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:21,259
Something for kids?
298
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:21,959
That's what I just said!
299
00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:24,461
I know you're very busy,
Mr. Harris,
300
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,063
but you've just won
another award.
301
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,365
Congratulations, sir.
302
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,401
I wanna thank the voters
for this great honor.
303
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,703
This-- this is just the kind
of message I need
304
00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:34,038
to further my crusade
305
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:36,274
to stamp out quality television
wherever it rears its ugly head.
306
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:38,409
Thank you all, again.
307
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:43,614
This is very special
and... meaningful to me.
308
00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:47,919
Very well said, sir.
Very well put.
309
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:49,120
Mr. Harris, have you had
a chance
310
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:50,988
to see the rough cut of
the 17th Gilligan TV movie yet?
311
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:51,989
Oh, yes. Gilligan's Island: The Food Runs Out .
312
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:52,924
Kind of a downer.
313
00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:53,857
Try trimming the scene
where they have to
314
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,259
-eat the Skipper.
-[ Enthusiastic babble ]
315
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:57,494
-[ Harp music ]
-MAN: Ooh.
316
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,863
Oh, Michael,
I'm so proud of you.
317
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:00,831
You're finally making
enough money
318
00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:02,199
for me to live
a normal life again.
319
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:05,403
-What a cute quesadilla.
-She's a muffin, sir.
320
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:06,237
Thank you, thank you.
Now off with you!
321
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:07,138
I have shows to create.
322
00:15:07,173 --> 00:15:07,805
Okay, bye.
323
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:11,075
Ooh, I mean, adios, sir.
324
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:23,154
Whoever you are,
325
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:24,855
I'm thinking make an appointment
with one of my secretaries.
326
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:28,725
It's time now, Michael.
We-- we made a deal.
327
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,862
What, uh-- what kind of deal.
328
00:15:32,731 --> 00:15:33,464
Figure it out for yourself.
329
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:37,501
How-- how do you think
you got all of this?
330
00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:38,769
With-- with your talent?
331
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:40,237
[ Laughs ]
332
00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:41,572
Dick, is that you?
333
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,274
Never touch the horns.
334
00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:45,776
Dick, devil. Devil, Dick.
335
00:15:45,811 --> 00:15:47,044
Why didn't I ever make
the connection before?
336
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:49,180
Let's go, Michael.
337
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:51,415
People are waiting
to see your shows.
338
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,284
It's just the kind of torture
they're expecting.
339
00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:54,185
No!
340
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,705
ED MCMAHON: From Hollywood,
341
00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:17,941
The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson.
342
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,177
Johnny's guest host tonight is Larry.
343
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:23,280
This is Ed McMahon, inviting you to join Larry and his guests
344
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,416
Emma Samms, Fred Travalena,
345
00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:28,019
and from the San Diego Zoo, Joan Embery.
346
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:33,090
And now, ladies and gentlemen, here's Larry!
347
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:41,665
[ Applause ]
348
00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:45,903
Hi, I'm your host, Larry.
349
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,538
This is my sidekick, Darryl,
350
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,243
and this is my bandleader,
Darryl.
351
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,313
You're looking good, Darryl.
352
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,349
We should get some nuclear guys
to come out
353
00:16:58,384 --> 00:16:59,683
and take a reading
on that outfit.
354
00:17:02,988 --> 00:17:04,821
Oh, good to see you, Tommy.
355
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,293
Did you know the practice
of hibernating began
356
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:11,562
when Tommy walked
into the woods one day
357
00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:13,364
and started to talk
to the animals?
358
00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:18,669
Anyway, we got a great show
for you tonight.
359
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:21,138
Emma Samms is with us.
Ya-ha!
360
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:25,676
[ Applause ]
361
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,244
And Fred Travalena.
362
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:31,482
[ Applause ]
363
00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:34,585
And a visit from Joan Embery
from the San Diego Zoo.
364
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:38,622
[ Applause ]
365
00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:39,923
So let's get to it.
366
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:45,229
[ Band playing jazzy music ]
367
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:47,565
[ Applause ]
368
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,733
[ Band playing jazzy music ]
369
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,335
[ Applause continues ]
370
00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:54,972
Okay. We're back.
Good to see you, Darryl.
371
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:58,842
I was lookin' through the paper
and I came across this article,
372
00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:01,145
30 Ways to Skin a Weasel.
373
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,415
Now, Darryl, I'll bet you think
374
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:07,485
that every conceivable way
to skin a weasel
375
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,752
is covered in this article.
376
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,257
You are wrong, possum breath.
377
00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:17,794
I have a whole ton of other ways
right here.
378
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,631
But they're not worth doin'.
379
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,099
[ Breaking glass ]
380
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,635
Oops, sorry. That's more
of a Letterman thing.
381
00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:29,173
Now, my first guest is always
a pleasure to have with us.
382
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:32,743
From the San Diego Zoo,
Miss Joan Embery.
383
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,679
-[ Applause ]
-[ Band playing ]
384
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,421
Nice to see you, Larry.
385
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,956
Hi. And may I say,
386
00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:47,958
you smell much better
than you'd think
387
00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:49,293
for a lady
in your line of work.
388
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,095
Thank you.
[ Laughs ]
389
00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:56,300
Tonight I brought you a couple
of very exotic birds
390
00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:59,270
from South America
called the Sillindilly.
391
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,104
Now, wait till you see
their color.
392
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,406
It's just incredible.
393
00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:04,107
It might take them
a couple of seconds
394
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,709
to adjust to the light, though.
395
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:08,412
They're gone?
396
00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:10,881
What happened?
397
00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:11,615
I don't know.
398
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:12,550
Where could they have--?
399
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:14,251
Darryl.
400
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:18,689
Have you been in-between-meals
snackin'?
401
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,324
On our animal guests?
402
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,363
And Tommy,
I hope I don't find out
403
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,531
you've been involved in this.
404
00:19:39,044 --> 00:19:41,945
I can't believe
those guys did this.
405
00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:44,481
I told them how rare
these birds were.
406
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:45,816
Oh, that explains it.
407
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,519
Darryl thought you meant
medium rare.
408
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:52,122
Anyway, since Joan
has screwed up,
409
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:55,892
let's move on
to my next guest,
410
00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:57,628
the versatile Fred Travalena.
411
00:19:57,663 --> 00:20:00,497
-[ Applause ]
-[ Band playing ]
412
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:05,603
Hiyo!
413
00:20:07,673 --> 00:20:09,306
Hi, Larry. Great to see ya.
414
00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:11,174
Fred, you're an amazing
impressionist.
415
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,743
They say you can do anyone.
416
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:13,611
Well, thanks.
417
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,947
Can you do a little bit
of Herbie Crooker for us?
418
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:21,952
Who?
419
00:20:21,987 --> 00:20:23,086
Herbie Crooker.
420
00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:24,988
He's always hangin' out
in front of the feed store.
421
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:27,324
Wait'll you hear this.
422
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:28,492
[ Chuckles ]
423
00:20:28,527 --> 00:20:31,462
Nah, uh-- uh-- uh, Larry,
I'm afraid I-- I don't know him.
424
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:32,195
[ Laughs ]
425
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,096
Oops, sorry.
426
00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:35,899
I appear to have exposed you
as a fraud
427
00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:36,967
on national television.
428
00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:39,936
Wait, wait. I know.
I know who I can do.
429
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:40,904
[ Clears throat ]
430
00:20:40,939 --> 00:20:42,205
Darryl. I'll do Darryl.
431
00:20:46,111 --> 00:20:48,145
[ Laughs ]
432
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,347
[ Applause ]
433
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:55,519
That's incredible.
434
00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:57,354
Darryl's my brother
and for a second there,
435
00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:58,589
I couldn't tell the difference.
436
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,692
Uh-oh.
What's that, Freddy?
437
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:04,495
My producer's giving me
the signal to move on.
438
00:21:04,530 --> 00:21:07,230
My next guest
is a big time movie star
439
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:10,668
and one fabulous babe,
Emma Samms.
440
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:12,803
[ Applause ]
441
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,482
Now, Darryl, I know
you like our guest,
442
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:28,819
but the FCC has very strict
rules about sidekick seating.
443
00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:35,459
Hi, Larry.
It's nice to meet you.
444
00:21:35,494 --> 00:21:36,327
Same here.
445
00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:39,262
Now, I know you do a lot
of TV and films,
446
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:40,897
but I'm wonderin'
what someone like you
447
00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:41,898
does in her spare time.
448
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:46,670
Well, when I'm not working,
I live a pretty normal life.
449
00:21:46,706 --> 00:21:48,706
You know, I like to do
things like, uh,
450
00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:50,907
go out in the backyard
and roll around in the mud.
451
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,213
-Really?
-Yeah.
452
00:21:56,849 --> 00:21:58,215
And like to play games.
453
00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:02,919
You know, things like, uh,
Large Bite and, uh,
454
00:22:02,955 --> 00:22:04,421
Name That Stain.
455
00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:05,121
[ Laughs ]
456
00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:08,525
Oh, and after a nice downpour,
457
00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:11,328
you'll always find me out
romping in the nearest bog.
458
00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:13,196
Wow.
459
00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:15,599
I know you're not
gonna believe this,
460
00:22:15,634 --> 00:22:17,668
but I'm into a whole lot
of those same things.
461
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,203
Oh, come on.
462
00:22:20,239 --> 00:22:22,506
I mean, every time
I've seen you host,
463
00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:25,476
you've always come off like
some glitzy Hollywood type.
464
00:22:25,511 --> 00:22:29,713
Well, I must admit,
I do have that side to me.
465
00:22:29,749 --> 00:22:31,648
But part of me
is as normal as you.
466
00:22:33,586 --> 00:22:35,886
Did you ever play
Let's See If This Is Edible?
467
00:22:38,724 --> 00:22:40,424
All the time!
468
00:22:41,326 --> 00:22:44,094
We--
We're perfect for each other.
469
00:22:44,129 --> 00:22:45,796
Do you mind
if I kiss you right now?
470
00:22:45,831 --> 00:22:47,598
Well, gee, we are on TV,
471
00:22:47,633 --> 00:22:49,366
in front of millions of people.
Okay.
472
00:22:50,669 --> 00:22:52,002
[ Musical chime ]
473
00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:52,836
-Oh no.
-Oh.
474
00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:55,873
We're out of time?
You sure, Freddy?
475
00:22:57,009 --> 00:23:00,778
Damn. I spent too much time
with Fred Travalena.
476
00:23:00,813 --> 00:23:02,078
[ Band plays closing music ]
477
00:23:02,848 --> 00:23:05,215
[ Applause ]
478
00:23:26,038 --> 00:23:27,070
-DICK: Joanna, Joanna.
-[ Crickets ]
479
00:23:27,105 --> 00:23:27,771
JOANNA: Mmm?
480
00:23:29,107 --> 00:23:30,006
[ Sighs ]
481
00:23:30,042 --> 00:23:30,707
DICK: If--
482
00:23:31,644 --> 00:23:32,676
if you're having a dream that--
483
00:23:32,711 --> 00:23:36,146
that you're really,
really enjoying
484
00:23:36,181 --> 00:23:38,415
is-- is there any special
technique to--
485
00:23:40,285 --> 00:23:41,785
I-- I don't know, to--
486
00:23:41,821 --> 00:23:44,154
to pinch yourself back into it?
487
00:23:45,290 --> 00:23:46,890
I don't think so, Dick.
488
00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:49,225
Damn it!
489
00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:52,763
[ Sighs ]
490
00:23:54,166 --> 00:23:54,932
Meow.
43208
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