All language subtitles for Newhart S06E21.e

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:52,717 Well, 2 00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:57,021 all the rooms are sparkling and shining like nobody's business, 3 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,023 so I'm ready to get to work down here. 4 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,225 What do you want me to do first? 5 00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:03,928 Steph-- Steph-- Stephanie, is that you? 6 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:05,663 Of course! 7 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:09,301 Uh, should I start in your study or here in the lobby? 8 00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:10,335 Oh! I know. 9 00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:12,070 That kitchen floor could use a good scrubbing. 10 00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,640 She-- She wants something and it must be huge. 11 00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,177 O--O--Okay, what is it? 12 00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:21,513 Well, there is one thing. 13 00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,117 I wanna do my job better. 14 00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:30,021 I mean, you two have always been so terrific to me, 15 00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:32,357 and all I've ever done is take advantage. 16 00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:34,126 But that's all changed. 17 00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:35,927 I've come to realize that it's no crime 18 00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:38,963 to do the job you're paid to do the very best you can. 19 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,367 -A raise. She wants a raise. -Ah! 20 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,737 No. Don't be silly. 21 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:46,505 [ Giggles ] 22 00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,048 Honey, don't make any sudden moves. 23 00:01:57,083 --> 00:01:58,082 She may be dangerous. 24 00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:03,355 Hi, Dick, Joanna. Good to see ya. 25 00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,559 That-- that was all in English. 26 00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,629 I've given up those nutty hello things. 27 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:11,563 To tell the truth, 28 00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:12,997 I was even starting to get on my nerves. 29 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:15,667 STEPHANIE: Michael. 30 00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:16,401 Steph. 31 00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:19,538 -Thank you, sweetheart. -Mmm. 32 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:24,108 They-- they-- they weren't sickeningly cute together. 33 00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:27,479 Well, we've come to realize that you can be in love 34 00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:28,780 without making others wanna puke. 35 00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:33,652 Oh, by the way, Dick, 36 00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,587 here's a list of guests for, uh, 37 00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:37,722 the next few Vermont Today s. 38 00:02:37,757 --> 00:02:38,523 Here it comes. 39 00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:44,329 Mi--Michael, these are all classy, intelligent people. 40 00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:45,129 Dick, you've been a good friend, 41 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,130 and the least I can do 42 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,932 is produce the kind of TV program you want. 43 00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:49,767 To be honest, 44 00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,035 I think it's gonna be a better show. 45 00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:52,770 See ya Sunday. 46 00:02:58,312 --> 00:02:59,311 I-- I'm frightened. 47 00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:02,480 Dick, relax. 48 00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,916 Things are finally starting to go your way. 49 00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:06,751 Just enjoy it while it lasts. 50 00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:16,361 Hi. I'm Larry. 51 00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:17,429 This is my brother Darryl, 52 00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:18,830 and this is my other brother Darryl. 53 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,033 Well, it was a great 10 seconds. 54 00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:22,734 Yeah. 55 00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:26,705 We just wanted to stop by and say bye. 56 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:27,239 How come? 57 00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:29,774 Well, mainly because we're leavin'. 58 00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:32,110 Wha-- what? 59 00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:35,647 We've decided to give up our life in the big city 60 00:03:35,682 --> 00:03:38,182 and move back to our cabin in the woods. 61 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,584 Of course, the downside is 62 00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:42,520 we probably won't be seein' as much of each other anymore. 63 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,088 Probably only when you want to. 64 00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:49,594 Only when we want. 65 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:51,730 Uh-oh. 66 00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:53,365 Darryl was worried 67 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,333 that this might turn into an emotional scene. 68 00:03:57,036 --> 00:03:58,303 Don't-- don't-- don't worry, guys. 69 00:03:58,338 --> 00:03:59,571 For your sakes, I'll-- 70 00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:01,906 I'll try and show nothing but-- but happiness. 71 00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,410 Thanks. We will miss you. 72 00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:07,379 Well, we should be goin'. 73 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,281 We have to decide what food can travel 74 00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:10,582 back to the cabin with us 75 00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:13,351 and what we have to scarf down in a wild eating binge. 76 00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:16,521 Well, 77 00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:19,157 [ Sighs ] Good-bye. 78 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:32,937 I don't-- I-- I don't believe this. 79 00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:35,674 They're-- They're moving out of town, 80 00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:38,142 Stephanie is cleaning like a demon, 81 00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:39,778 Michael is-- is finally doing the show 82 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,279 the way-- the way I want. 83 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,215 All-- all the problems in my life are-- 84 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:46,751 are sud-- suddenly gone. 85 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,787 I know, honey. It's wonderful! 86 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:50,689 Man, 87 00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:52,524 I mean, I almost-- 88 00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:55,059 almost feel like-- like pinching myself. 89 00:04:55,094 --> 00:04:56,027 [ Laughs ] 90 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:01,800 Damn it. 91 00:05:10,777 --> 00:05:12,109 Morning, Dick. 92 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:12,944 Morning, George. 93 00:05:14,013 --> 00:05:18,216 Mmm, pancakes. My favorite. 94 00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:19,183 [ Sniffs ] 95 00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,986 Mm. Mm-mm-mm. 96 00:05:25,191 --> 00:05:28,326 And they taste as good as they smell. 97 00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,194 I need a good breakfast this morning, 98 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:32,397 because I'm gonna start re-shingling the roof. 99 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,134 Well, you got-- you got perfect weather for it. 100 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:37,869 Yep. 101 00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:38,603 [ Sniffs ] 102 00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:42,073 Mmm, great coffee. 103 00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:51,182 Uh, uh, George? 104 00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:54,652 Is-- is this-- is this all you're gonna do? 105 00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:56,721 Huh? 106 00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:58,723 Well, it-- it is a dream. 107 00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:00,324 So? 108 00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:04,462 Well, in-- in a dream, you can do anything you like. 109 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:09,801 I like this. 110 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:16,808 But-- but this is exactly like your real life. 111 00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:20,478 Yeah, but to me, my real life is a dream. 112 00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:23,114 Smell these, Dick. 113 00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:26,384 George, I don't wanna smell 'em. 114 00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:29,487 See-- see the great thing about-- about dreams is-- 115 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:30,822 is you can do things that-- 116 00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:32,791 that you can't do in-- in real life. 117 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,294 Dick, I have this dream all the time, 118 00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:37,462 and I like it fine. 119 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,765 That is, until you started bugging me in it. 120 00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:46,404 George, m--maybe-- maybe you don't realize your-- 121 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,972 your dream options. 122 00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:51,676 Like, uh, st--st-- strange lighting. 123 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,948 Uh, you can, uh-- 124 00:06:56,983 --> 00:07:00,217 you can-- you can make it, uh, thunder and lightning outside. 125 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,886 [ Thunder crashes ] 126 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,655 Well, there goes the shingling weather. 127 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,025 All right, all right, forget about outside. 128 00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:10,094 George, there are a lot of neat things 129 00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:12,196 you can-- you can do here like, uh, 130 00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:14,365 uh, strange-- strange music. 131 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:18,736 [ Eerie music plays ] 132 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:23,575 Or, uh, mysterious mists. 133 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,308 Uh... 134 00:07:26,145 --> 00:07:28,513 George-- George, you-- you can even make 135 00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:30,448 inanimate objects talk. 136 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:31,749 How you doin', George? 137 00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:35,820 Dick, are you trying to make me wake up crying? 138 00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:40,091 No, George, I'm just trying to show ya how to have-- 139 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,493 how to have fun in your dreams. 140 00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:44,796 I appreciate it, Dick, but believe me, I'm fine. 141 00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:46,798 And my dream is fine. 142 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,066 Now, I gotta go re-shingle that roof. 143 00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:55,039 G--George, uh, I-- I gotta tell ya, 144 00:07:55,074 --> 00:07:57,308 I-- I think you're wasting your time dreaming like this, 145 00:07:57,343 --> 00:07:59,110 but I mean, it's up to you, you know, 146 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,479 if you wanna have boring dreams. 147 00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:03,414 Gee, Dick, give me a chance. 148 00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:19,998 Well, at-- at least now, George, 149 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,567 shingling that roof should-- should be a cinch. 150 00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:41,252 Steph, what's the emergency? 151 00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:43,721 Michael, thank goodness you're here! 152 00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:45,456 What is it, my cute cupazoid? 153 00:08:46,492 --> 00:08:48,793 There's something terribly horrible upstairs, 154 00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:50,862 and I just know it's going to come down and get me. 155 00:08:50,897 --> 00:08:52,964 Really? What? 156 00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:54,398 Well, I don't know, but... 157 00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,901 it's wicked and putrid and generally gross, 158 00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,536 and it'll be here any second. 159 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,006 Well, I'll give those worry wrinkles walking papers, 160 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,041 because nothing, but nothing 161 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,642 is gonna mess with my sensual senorita 162 00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,678 as long as this blood box is still pumping! 163 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,579 [ Sobbing ] 164 00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:14,118 [ Horror music ] 165 00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:15,053 Oh, no! 166 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:15,954 Don't worry! 167 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,455 Before it can get near my main muffin, 168 00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:19,490 it'll have to pry away my dead carcass! 169 00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:21,960 Ew! 170 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:23,595 But thank you. 171 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,362 Here it comes! 172 00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:36,608 [ Screams ] 173 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,110 Oh, Michael, 174 00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:40,078 isn't that the most 175 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,580 frighteningly evil thing you've ever seen? 176 00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:45,883 Yeah, it's more frightening than anything in The Boogans ! 177 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:49,687 Stephanie... 178 00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:50,521 Oh, my God! 179 00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:51,956 It even has speech problems! 180 00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:54,926 Michael, help me! 181 00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:56,193 Gee, Steph, I know I said I'd help, 182 00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,895 but this is scarier than I bargained for. 183 00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,363 I'm off the goose pimples scale, 184 00:09:59,398 --> 00:10:01,432 and I'm dangerously close to fabric-ruining perspiration. 185 00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:02,634 I love you a lot, but I'm outta here. 186 00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:03,701 Call if you live! 187 00:10:05,071 --> 00:10:05,970 Michael! 188 00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:08,006 [ Gasps ] 189 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,674 [ Grunting ] 190 00:10:09,709 --> 00:10:10,441 Oh! 191 00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:13,410 Oh! 192 00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,279 [ Grunting ] 193 00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:17,248 It's pointless to run. 194 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:18,783 [ Gasps ] 195 00:10:20,586 --> 00:10:22,120 What do you want from me? 196 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,688 Why, just one little thing. 197 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,090 I want you to clean. 198 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,592 [ Horror movie sting ] 199 00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:33,597 But I already cleaned every inch of the inn. 200 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,066 I cleaned it nice. 201 00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:36,467 But it's not good enough. 202 00:10:37,336 --> 00:10:39,137 I want you to start all over again 203 00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:41,906 and clean all 100 rooms. 204 00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:44,408 But we don't have 100 rooms. 205 00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:45,777 We do now. 206 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,079 I made George build all night. 207 00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:52,416 [ Maniacal laughing ] 208 00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,787 Why are you so mean to me, Joanna? 209 00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,655 Because you're so good and pure. 210 00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,991 And so incredibly perfect and beautiful. 211 00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:01,192 Well, you got me there. 212 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:07,431 But you won't be by the time I'm through with you. 213 00:11:07,466 --> 00:11:08,599 I want you to scrub. 214 00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:10,634 Now. 215 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:16,174 -[ Jaws inspired music plays ] -[ Gasps ] 216 00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:17,041 Oh! 217 00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,419 But there's no scrub brush. 218 00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,421 Why so there isn't. 219 00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:32,156 Here, 220 00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:34,491 use this. 221 00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:37,361 [ Psycho inspired music ] 222 00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:38,029 A toothbrush? 223 00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:41,565 And it doesn't even have a full-sized head. 224 00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:42,266 [ Sobbing ] 225 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,202 Get to work. 226 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:45,402 [ Sobbing ] 227 00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:49,473 Faster! Faster! Faster! 228 00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:54,445 [ Maniacal laughing ] 229 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:55,980 Whoa, Scoliosis! 230 00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:58,750 [ Trumpet fanfare ] 231 00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:06,657 Stop abusing my pure and perfect pita, 232 00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:07,324 you wench! 233 00:12:08,027 --> 00:12:09,927 Oh, Michael, you came back! 234 00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:10,728 I couldn't stay away, 235 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,163 knowing how much I loved you, 236 00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:13,231 and once I realized nothing bad 237 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,665 could really happen to me in a dream. 238 00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:15,366 [ laughs ] 239 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:16,768 My hero! 240 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,470 And I come bearing great news! 241 00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:21,038 Your father gave us four million dollars 242 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,240 to get a home and start a family 243 00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,375 and still have enough left over to buy a major yacht! 244 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:25,243 [ Laughs ] 245 00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:25,810 And look! 246 00:12:26,612 --> 00:12:27,945 We already have two children. 247 00:12:30,449 --> 00:12:31,649 You don't have to go through the bother 248 00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:32,583 of having them yourself. 249 00:12:32,618 --> 00:12:33,785 No stretchmarks. 250 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,087 Ew! 251 00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:40,091 Oh, Michael, you're wonderful. 252 00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:41,893 Let's ride off together. 253 00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:43,727 Let's march, muffin. 254 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,897 She's not going anywhere. 255 00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,064 -[ Ominous music ] -Well, I'm going anyway, 256 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,099 and you can't stop me. 257 00:12:53,739 --> 00:12:55,339 M--maybe she can, Steph. 258 00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:57,842 I'll tell you what. 259 00:12:58,511 --> 00:12:59,677 I'll make you a deal. 260 00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:01,612 You can go. 261 00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:05,749 As soon as you finish dusting the lobby. 262 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:06,717 [ Sighs ] 263 00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:08,085 Well, that sounds fair. 264 00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:10,021 This won't take long. 265 00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:11,956 Oh, no? 266 00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,825 [ Slowed down manical laughing ] 267 00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:17,295 [ Eerie music plays ] 268 00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:22,300 [ Crickets chirping ] 269 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:22,900 Oh. 270 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,536 Thank goodness it was only a dream. 271 00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:28,840 Those children weren't even blond. 272 00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:37,915 Hola, head honcho. 273 00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:38,850 Greetings, major muchacho. 274 00:13:38,885 --> 00:13:40,284 We have the ratings, el grande bosso. 275 00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:42,519 Good, good, good. Let's see. 276 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:45,923 CBS 46.7, ABC 46.8, NBC 46.9. 277 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,524 -You won the week again, sir. -How could I lose? 278 00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,393 -I'm running all three networks. -And brilliantly! 279 00:13:49,428 --> 00:13:50,694 Now, there are record viewing levels, 280 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:51,329 but I know we can do better. 281 00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:52,163 The schedule needs work. 282 00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:53,030 Oh, yes, yes! Let's make it work! 283 00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,598 Let's see, what's our number one show? 284 00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:56,667 That would be People Have Sex and Then Get Killed Theater . 285 00:13:58,271 --> 00:13:59,403 Oh, yes. One of my own ideas. 286 00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:00,437 -Oh, yes. -A very good idea, sir. 287 00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:02,240 Well, there have been a few complaints about it 288 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,041 from a few tiny special-interest groups. 289 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,544 What could they possibly say is wrong with it? 290 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,180 Uh, too much sex and violence. 291 00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:10,481 Really? 292 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,583 Maybe they'll calm down if we move it out of the family hour. 293 00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:13,684 Oh, that's fantastic, sir! 294 00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:14,518 We need a show to take its place. 295 00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:15,552 Something high con, defined modal, 296 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:16,553 with center cut, and a healthy top spin. 297 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:21,259 Something for kids? 298 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:21,959 That's what I just said! 299 00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:24,461 I know you're very busy, Mr. Harris, 300 00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,063 but you've just won another award. 301 00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,365 Congratulations, sir. 302 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,401 I wanna thank the voters for this great honor. 303 00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,703 This-- this is just the kind of message I need 304 00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:34,038 to further my crusade 305 00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:36,274 to stamp out quality television wherever it rears its ugly head. 306 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:38,409 Thank you all, again. 307 00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:43,614 This is very special and... meaningful to me. 308 00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:47,919 Very well said, sir. Very well put. 309 00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:49,120 Mr. Harris, have you had a chance 310 00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:50,988 to see the rough cut of the 17th Gilligan TV movie yet? 311 00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:51,989 Oh, yes. Gilligan's Island: The Food Runs Out . 312 00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:52,924 Kind of a downer. 313 00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:53,857 Try trimming the scene where they have to 314 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,259 -eat the Skipper. -[ Enthusiastic babble ] 315 00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:57,494 -[ Harp music ] -MAN: Ooh. 316 00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,863 Oh, Michael, I'm so proud of you. 317 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:00,831 You're finally making enough money 318 00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:02,199 for me to live a normal life again. 319 00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:05,403 -What a cute quesadilla. -She's a muffin, sir. 320 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:06,237 Thank you, thank you. Now off with you! 321 00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:07,138 I have shows to create. 322 00:15:07,173 --> 00:15:07,805 Okay, bye. 323 00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:11,075 Ooh, I mean, adios, sir. 324 00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:23,154 Whoever you are, 325 00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:24,855 I'm thinking make an appointment with one of my secretaries. 326 00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:28,725 It's time now, Michael. We-- we made a deal. 327 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,862 What, uh-- what kind of deal. 328 00:15:32,731 --> 00:15:33,464 Figure it out for yourself. 329 00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:37,501 How-- how do you think you got all of this? 330 00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:38,769 With-- with your talent? 331 00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:40,237 [ Laughs ] 332 00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:41,572 Dick, is that you? 333 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,274 Never touch the horns. 334 00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:45,776 Dick, devil. Devil, Dick. 335 00:15:45,811 --> 00:15:47,044 Why didn't I ever make the connection before? 336 00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:49,180 Let's go, Michael. 337 00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:51,415 People are waiting to see your shows. 338 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,284 It's just the kind of torture they're expecting. 339 00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:54,185 No! 340 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,705 ED MCMAHON: From Hollywood, 341 00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:17,941 The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson. 342 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,177 Johnny's guest host tonight is Larry. 343 00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:23,280 This is Ed McMahon, inviting you to join Larry and his guests 344 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,416 Emma Samms, Fred Travalena, 345 00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:28,019 and from the San Diego Zoo, Joan Embery. 346 00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:33,090 And now, ladies and gentlemen, here's Larry! 347 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:41,665 [ Applause ] 348 00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:45,903 Hi, I'm your host, Larry. 349 00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,538 This is my sidekick, Darryl, 350 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,243 and this is my bandleader, Darryl. 351 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,313 You're looking good, Darryl. 352 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,349 We should get some nuclear guys to come out 353 00:16:58,384 --> 00:16:59,683 and take a reading on that outfit. 354 00:17:02,988 --> 00:17:04,821 Oh, good to see you, Tommy. 355 00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,293 Did you know the practice of hibernating began 356 00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:11,562 when Tommy walked into the woods one day 357 00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:13,364 and started to talk to the animals? 358 00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:18,669 Anyway, we got a great show for you tonight. 359 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:21,138 Emma Samms is with us. Ya-ha! 360 00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:25,676 [ Applause ] 361 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,244 And Fred Travalena. 362 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:31,482 [ Applause ] 363 00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:34,585 And a visit from Joan Embery from the San Diego Zoo. 364 00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:38,622 [ Applause ] 365 00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:39,923 So let's get to it. 366 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:45,229 [ Band playing jazzy music ] 367 00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:47,565 [ Applause ] 368 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,733 [ Band playing jazzy music ] 369 00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,335 [ Applause continues ] 370 00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:54,972 Okay. We're back. Good to see you, Darryl. 371 00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:58,842 I was lookin' through the paper and I came across this article, 372 00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:01,145 30 Ways to Skin a Weasel. 373 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,415 Now, Darryl, I'll bet you think 374 00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:07,485 that every conceivable way to skin a weasel 375 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,752 is covered in this article. 376 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,257 You are wrong, possum breath. 377 00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:17,794 I have a whole ton of other ways right here. 378 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,631 But they're not worth doin'. 379 00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:22,099 [ Breaking glass ] 380 00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,635 Oops, sorry. That's more of a Letterman thing. 381 00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:29,173 Now, my first guest is always a pleasure to have with us. 382 00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:32,743 From the San Diego Zoo, Miss Joan Embery. 383 00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,679 -[ Applause ] -[ Band playing ] 384 00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,421 Nice to see you, Larry. 385 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,956 Hi. And may I say, 386 00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:47,958 you smell much better than you'd think 387 00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:49,293 for a lady in your line of work. 388 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,095 Thank you. [ Laughs ] 389 00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:56,300 Tonight I brought you a couple of very exotic birds 390 00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:59,270 from South America called the Sillindilly. 391 00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,104 Now, wait till you see their color. 392 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,406 It's just incredible. 393 00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:04,107 It might take them a couple of seconds 394 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,709 to adjust to the light, though. 395 00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:08,412 They're gone? 396 00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:10,881 What happened? 397 00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:11,615 I don't know. 398 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:12,550 Where could they have--? 399 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:14,251 Darryl. 400 00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:18,689 Have you been in-between-meals snackin'? 401 00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,324 On our animal guests? 402 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,363 And Tommy, I hope I don't find out 403 00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,531 you've been involved in this. 404 00:19:39,044 --> 00:19:41,945 I can't believe those guys did this. 405 00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:44,481 I told them how rare these birds were. 406 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:45,816 Oh, that explains it. 407 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,519 Darryl thought you meant medium rare. 408 00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:52,122 Anyway, since Joan has screwed up, 409 00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:55,892 let's move on to my next guest, 410 00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:57,628 the versatile Fred Travalena. 411 00:19:57,663 --> 00:20:00,497 -[ Applause ] -[ Band playing ] 412 00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:05,603 Hiyo! 413 00:20:07,673 --> 00:20:09,306 Hi, Larry. Great to see ya. 414 00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:11,174 Fred, you're an amazing impressionist. 415 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,743 They say you can do anyone. 416 00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:13,611 Well, thanks. 417 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,947 Can you do a little bit of Herbie Crooker for us? 418 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:21,952 Who? 419 00:20:21,987 --> 00:20:23,086 Herbie Crooker. 420 00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:24,988 He's always hangin' out in front of the feed store. 421 00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:27,324 Wait'll you hear this. 422 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:28,492 [ Chuckles ] 423 00:20:28,527 --> 00:20:31,462 Nah, uh-- uh-- uh, Larry, I'm afraid I-- I don't know him. 424 00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:32,195 [ Laughs ] 425 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,096 Oops, sorry. 426 00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:35,899 I appear to have exposed you as a fraud 427 00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:36,967 on national television. 428 00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:39,936 Wait, wait. I know. I know who I can do. 429 00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:40,904 [ Clears throat ] 430 00:20:40,939 --> 00:20:42,205 Darryl. I'll do Darryl. 431 00:20:46,111 --> 00:20:48,145 [ Laughs ] 432 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,347 [ Applause ] 433 00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:55,519 That's incredible. 434 00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:57,354 Darryl's my brother and for a second there, 435 00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:58,589 I couldn't tell the difference. 436 00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,692 Uh-oh. What's that, Freddy? 437 00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:04,495 My producer's giving me the signal to move on. 438 00:21:04,530 --> 00:21:07,230 My next guest is a big time movie star 439 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:10,668 and one fabulous babe, Emma Samms. 440 00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:12,803 [ Applause ] 441 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,482 Now, Darryl, I know you like our guest, 442 00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:28,819 but the FCC has very strict rules about sidekick seating. 443 00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:35,459 Hi, Larry. It's nice to meet you. 444 00:21:35,494 --> 00:21:36,327 Same here. 445 00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:39,262 Now, I know you do a lot of TV and films, 446 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:40,897 but I'm wonderin' what someone like you 447 00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:41,898 does in her spare time. 448 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:46,670 Well, when I'm not working, I live a pretty normal life. 449 00:21:46,706 --> 00:21:48,706 You know, I like to do things like, uh, 450 00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:50,907 go out in the backyard and roll around in the mud. 451 00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,213 -Really? -Yeah. 452 00:21:56,849 --> 00:21:58,215 And like to play games. 453 00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:02,919 You know, things like, uh, Large Bite and, uh, 454 00:22:02,955 --> 00:22:04,421 Name That Stain. 455 00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:05,121 [ Laughs ] 456 00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:08,525 Oh, and after a nice downpour, 457 00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:11,328 you'll always find me out romping in the nearest bog. 458 00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:13,196 Wow. 459 00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:15,599 I know you're not gonna believe this, 460 00:22:15,634 --> 00:22:17,668 but I'm into a whole lot of those same things. 461 00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,203 Oh, come on. 462 00:22:20,239 --> 00:22:22,506 I mean, every time I've seen you host, 463 00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:25,476 you've always come off like some glitzy Hollywood type. 464 00:22:25,511 --> 00:22:29,713 Well, I must admit, I do have that side to me. 465 00:22:29,749 --> 00:22:31,648 But part of me is as normal as you. 466 00:22:33,586 --> 00:22:35,886 Did you ever play Let's See If This Is Edible? 467 00:22:38,724 --> 00:22:40,424 All the time! 468 00:22:41,326 --> 00:22:44,094 We-- We're perfect for each other. 469 00:22:44,129 --> 00:22:45,796 Do you mind if I kiss you right now? 470 00:22:45,831 --> 00:22:47,598 Well, gee, we are on TV, 471 00:22:47,633 --> 00:22:49,366 in front of millions of people. Okay. 472 00:22:50,669 --> 00:22:52,002 [ Musical chime ] 473 00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:52,836 -Oh no. -Oh. 474 00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:55,873 We're out of time? You sure, Freddy? 475 00:22:57,009 --> 00:23:00,778 Damn. I spent too much time with Fred Travalena. 476 00:23:00,813 --> 00:23:02,078 [ Band plays closing music ] 477 00:23:02,848 --> 00:23:05,215 [ Applause ] 478 00:23:26,038 --> 00:23:27,070 -DICK: Joanna, Joanna. -[ Crickets ] 479 00:23:27,105 --> 00:23:27,771 JOANNA: Mmm? 480 00:23:29,107 --> 00:23:30,006 [ Sighs ] 481 00:23:30,042 --> 00:23:30,707 DICK: If-- 482 00:23:31,644 --> 00:23:32,676 if you're having a dream that-- 483 00:23:32,711 --> 00:23:36,146 that you're really, really enjoying 484 00:23:36,181 --> 00:23:38,415 is-- is there any special technique to-- 485 00:23:40,285 --> 00:23:41,785 I-- I don't know, to-- 486 00:23:41,821 --> 00:23:44,154 to pinch yourself back into it? 487 00:23:45,290 --> 00:23:46,890 I don't think so, Dick. 488 00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:49,225 Damn it! 489 00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:52,763 [ Sighs ] 490 00:23:54,166 --> 00:23:54,932 Meow. 43208

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.