Original subtitles

Hi, Dick.

Steph, your reason for living is here.

[ Chuckles ]

So you're what keeps her going.

Michael, just lemme get a jacket and then we can go.

I'll be waiting with minted breath.

Aw.

Oh, uh, George, did you get everything?

I tried everywhere, but there seemed to be

a run on blue cheese.

Rats!

Blue cheese blues, Dick?

Dick and Joanna first met on a picnic

on Memorial Day weekend.

So every year on the anniversary,

they have a romantic little picnic the exact same way.

'Til now.

Perfectly good tradition, shot to hell.

What tradition?

Ah, Dick and Joanna have a food fixation.

It's not a fixation, it's a tradition.

And I say po-tah-to.

Dick, you could learn from Steph and me.

We steer clear of that nonsense.

I mean, it's fine to do a tradition once,

but then after that they get kinda repetitive

and constrictive.

Dick, honey, look. It's the basket.

We're all set.

Looks like this cheese thing's about to come to a head.

Honey, uh, George checked everywhere,

but he couldn't find any blue cheese

for-- for our picnic.

No cheese?

Uh, if I'd'a known it was gonna turn out this way 17 years ago,

I woulda packed Velveeta.

[ Phone rings ]

Stratford Inn.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Vanderkellen.

Stephanie, it's your mom.

Ooh, Mommy must be calling to tell me

what my Memorial Day present is.

You get a present for Memorial Day?

It's a three-day weekend, isn't it?

Hi, Mommy.

So, Michael, what are you and Stephanie

doing this weekend?

Oh, actually, George, I've got kind of a surprise

planned for Steph. I, uh...

You know, I convinced Bev to close down the station

for the entire weekend.

We're just gonna broadcast 72 hours of programming

with a Memorial Day theme.

A three-day Gilligan's Island marathon in memory...

of those left behind.

So now Steph and I are free to Z to NYC

to see and be seen.

I got most of those letters, Michael.

You're driving to New York?

That's right, George.

Wow. I'd be jealous if I didn't have something special

planned myself.

I've got a big Beaver blowout.

It's our annual Spaghetti and Tomato Sauce Sitdown.

Wow.

Yeah, I could try to wangle a couple

of extra tickets for you.

Let me see, uh: Beaver Bash, Broadway.

Beaver Bash, Broadway.

Now, George, you-- you did say annual,

so I'll get a crack at this next year?

Well, then, it looks like I'm Broadway-bound.

Looks like you don't have a choice.

STEPHANIE: Bye, Mommy.

So, Steph, what are you gettin', and how does it stack up

against your President's Day booty?

Well, I don't know yet, Michael,

but I'll find out as soon as I get to Newport.

We're going to Newport?

Oh, I just love that castle by the bay!

Oh, Michael.

I have some bad news.

You're not going, just me.

I don't follow. I don't follow?

My best friend from deb class is having a baby.

I think her name was Sherry.

Anyway, Mommy's made all the preparations

for me to host a baby shower for her

in the Vanderkellen west wing.

You see, it's girls only.

And besides, this way I'll be able to brag about you

without you actually being there,

trying to live up to my description.

But, Steph, if you go without me,

it'll be our first weekend apart ever.

And a-- a three-dayer.

I know, Michael.

So I'm going to have to have an extra lot of fun

so I won't have to think about that.

Uh, Steph, I even made plans for us to go to Nueva York.

Oh, Michael.

I can't go.

Whenever the debs get together and someone doesn't show up,

they assume she's fat.

Well, that settles it. You have to go.

I mean, if only to quell those cries of porker.

[ Clears throat ]

Honey, I, uh, I have a surprise.

Say... blue cheese.

[ Gasps ]

Dick, you found some!

Blue cheese food.

Well, you-- you may have to settle

for artificial cheese, but you get the real Dick Loudon.

Hi. I'm Larry.

This is my brother Darryl,

and this is my other brother Darryl.

And we're about to embark on our annual trek

for some sunbathin' on the Riviera.

You guys are going to France?

No.

We're just going to lie on top of an old abandoned Buick.

Uh, uh, sounds like fun,

and, uh, you won't have to worry about those--

those huge crowds.

Not of humans, anyway.

And you're welcome to join us.

Well, thanks, guys, but, uh,

now that our cheese came through,

we're gonna go ahead with our own plans.

Okay.

But if it makes it any more attractive to ya,

it is bathing suits optional.

It-- it-- it doesn't.

Oh, and, uh, by the way, guys, uh,

we're not interested in seeing any--

any slides of-- of your vacation.

How 'bout you?

Oh, I'm sorry, guys. I-- I have a Beaver function later on.

We understand.

It takes a lot of time to get ready

for one of them uppity high-brow affairs.

Come on, Darryl.

First one there...

gets whatever's left in the ashtray.

Okay, I'll get the wine and the cheese food slicer.

Michael, I'm worried about you.

I don't want you to spend the entire weekend

sitting home alone in your apartment.

Don't worry, Steph.

This afternoon I figure I'll just...

go out and catch a matinee.

What if it's something that we wanted to see together?

Oh, yeah, well, then I'll just-- I'll go out window shopping.

Without me? What if you're seen? People will think we broke up.

You're right.

Well, uh, then I figure maybe I'll just spend the weekend

sitting home alone in my apartment.

That sounds good. [ Sighs ]

Well...

Bye, Michael.

Be gone three whole days.

Will you remember me?

Steph, in my wallet, in my heart,

as long as I can picture you,

I've got the strength of a thousand caballeros.

Okay.

She's gone! She's gone!

Oh, God, she's gone!

[ Sobs ]

Michael, you-- you did everything you could.

It was...

It was just her time to go.

You want me to slap him, Dick?

Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry. I'll be okay.

Just a... a touch of cupcake withdrawals.

What's going on?

Uh, cupcake withdrawals.

[ Huffs ]

I can cope with being alone.

I can have fun alone.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, let's get started on our picnic.

Let's not.

What?

Let's not.

Michael, this is a private anniversary picnic.

Remember, just Joanna and me.

Dick. Dick, not this silly tradition hang-up again.

[ Chuckles ]

I'll tell you what, I'll come along,

if I get in the way, just tell me and I'll leave.

[ Car doors closing ]

MICHAEL: Joanna, you have to unlock the door

or I can't get in.

[ Car starts ands takes off ]

I've got an idea.

I'll follow your skid marks and meet you there.

Don't worry about me.

I can have plenty of fun by myself.

PROFESSOR: Skipper,

I think that if we could only place this coconut satellite

into a low orbit,

we could make radio contact with a coast guard station

on the mainland and finally get off this island.

[ Sobs ]

Survive... the night.

Honey, hurry up.

I'm-- I'm hurrying. I'm just...

looking for my car keys.

You lost them?

-Well, not officially. -Oh.

Dick, we always get there late, we get a table in the back,

and then you say you don't wanna dance

because the walk to the dance floor

is too far.

Well, I thought that was part of the tradition.

Hi. I'm Larry.

This is my brother Darryl,

and this is my other brother Darryl.

And we're one collective ouch.

Guys, you're all sunburned.

No.

Sorry about the sarcasm, but we are in pain.

And it's our own fault.

We woke up on the hood of the car

and heard the sound of eggs frying.

Then Darryl pointed out it was us.

Anyway, we could use some salve or ointment

or something in the jelly or jam family.

Guys, I don't think jams or jellies are--

are gonna do a thing for-- for your sunburn.

Oops.

Pharmaceutical faux pas.

Are our faces red?

How 'bout that?

I was able to rise above our discomfort and make a joke.

Well, guys, we don't have anything for sunburn,

but I'm sure Peterson's Drugs and Stuff will.

Thanks.

Come on, Darryl.

At least there's one upside to this.

Tomorrow, the one with the longest

continuous peel wins.

Oh, uh, George, have you seen my car keys?

Lots of times. Why?

The last I saw 'em, they were in the study.

Michael, I didn't know you were here.

I was just up in Stephanie's room.

It's-- it's so cute, it's so cozy.

It's so Steph.

What are you doing with that pillow?

I-- I just wanted to feel closer to her.

Michael, I just want you to know, my sock drawer

is off limits.

So you-- you need a hand, George?

No, thanks. Already got four of 'em.

[ Chuckles ] Good one.

Oh, this could be the problem here.

Look, no cord.

Michael, that clock is over 100 years old.

It's an antique.

Sounds like it's ready for the old replacerino.

What do you say we head into town and get you

a nice new flashy digital one that talks to ya?

Uh, Michael, don't you miss your pillow?

I'm okay for now.

I, uh, I think I'll do this later.

So, uh, uh,

what-- what are we doing now?

This lightbulb is burnt out.

Oh, great. Finally something I can help with.

What do I do?

Michael, did you know that Dick and Joanna

are in the study?

Oh, really, George? Oh, thanks.

Hi, guys! Miss me?

Thanks a lot, George.

Well, this is great.

So, uh, so where are we going tonight?

Joanna and I are going dancing alone,

and you're doing whatever.

I got it. I'll chaperone.

Come on, Joanna. You can't say you wouldn't feel

more comfortable with someone else around

in case Dick decides to get fresh.

[ Chuckles ]

Boy, them and doors.

So, uh, what's-- what's on, George?

Uh, I'd love to keep you company, Michael,

but I'm going to the spaghetti dinner.

Sounds good. This paisan's primed for pasta.

Aren't you forgetting?

It's at the Beaver Lodge.

Well, how badly can they ruin spaghetti?

But you hate Beaver functions.

-Who said? -You did, all the time.

Well, that was before. You know, now I've changed my mind. I...

I-- I really think I oughta give these-- these Beavers a try.

Boy, you really are lonely.

Well, Michael, this is it, the Beaver Lodge.

Is it everything you expected?

Actually, George.

Yes.

Well, let me show you around.

This is the bar,

and this is the lodge, and you've seen the parking lot.

Yeah, those-- those new lines really jump out at ya.

Boy, I love Spaghetti Night.

This is a better turn out than last year.

Well, it's amazing that a group of free men

would get this excited over food cooked in a vat.

Hey, George.

Who's the new guy?

You know me, Harley. Michael Harris.

You? Here? In the Beaver Lodge?

What are you, a baby woodchuck?

No capiche.

Uh, that's what we call all the new pledges.

Oh, I'm not pledging.

Mm. Does that mean we don't get to paddle him?

George?

Not this time.

So you all set for the big contest?

There's a contest?

Sure is. For the person who ends up

with the biggest spaghetti stain.

Yeah, the winner is chosen by an impartial panel of experts.

Good luck tonight, Harley.

Thanks.

The adrenaline's pumpin' so hard, my hand is shakin'.

Good start.

-Hi, George. -Hi, Buck.

Who's the baby woodchuck?

No, Michael is just a friend.

-Ah, you mean we don't get-- -No.

Hey, George.

Oh, hi. Oh, this is Mel Donner.

He's on the parking lot committee.

Notice those new lines?

How could you miss 'em?

Ah. Hey, what's with the tie?

Oh, it's just your basic cotton twill.

Nobody wears a tie at the Beaver Lodge.

It's in the bylaws.

Yeah, what if it accidentally dips in the sauce?

Hey, fellas, this tie's like Magellan.

It's history.

So, uh, what do you do, Mike?

Oh, Michael is a TV producer.

Well, I just wanna know who's responsible

for the Gilligan's Island marathon.

-Uh... -Michael is.

You put on Gilligan's Island ?

Well, yeah, I'm really not in charge of the station.

I love that show!

But I did say,

"Either put on Gilligan's Island or this guy's walking."

All right!

That little Gilligan guy, he kills me.

What's he really like? Is he that wacky in person?

Hey, what do ya think?

-I-- I told ya! I told ya! -Coming through! Hot stuff!

Hey, Earl. Hey, guess what Mike here does?

He makes TV shows.

-Sports? -No!

- Gilligan's Island ! -Really?

Yeah! Dibs on sitting next to the new guy.

Oh, no.

He's gonna sit next to me. Little buddy.

-[ Laughs ] -Good one.

-You guys really know how to-- -Listen!

Hey, did you ever date Ginger?

Oh, well, no.

Hey.

[ Hoots ]

Wow! Look at this place.

I can't believe how neat it is.

Hard to believe you could win a stain contest.

Michael, don't forget--

don't forget we're gonna need that shirt

for the display case.

Wow! Get a load a her.

Who's the cheesecake?

-Yeah. -[ Chuckles ]

Hey, guys, that's no cheesecake. That's my cupcake.

Mm. I'll give you a dollar for that one right there.

Aw. I wish I could, Earl,

but it would destroy the integrity

of the entire montage.

Oh, yeah.

So, guys, what say we work off dinner

by running a marathon?

-Mm! -Oh, boy!

[ Chuckles ]

-Hey, guys. -Oh!

[ Laughter ]

All right, now listen,

I think this is the one

where they finally get off the island.

Oh, yeah! Yeah!

[ Knock at the door ]

[ Chuckles ]

[ Knock at the door ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Can popping ]

Hello.

Is Michael home?

Yeah.

Is he still alive?

Look, it's cupcake!

-Oh, uh-- - MICHAEL: Steph!

[ Gasps ]

Oh, don't worry. It's-- it's just tomato sauce.

Ew!

Steph, I can explain.

No, I can't.

Uh, guys, everybody out. Let's go.

No, no, wait!

-Party's over. -Already?

Hustle, hustle, hustle. Let's go.

-Nice meetin' ya. -Come on. Come on, let's go.

I wanna see how this thing ends.

Trust me, they don't get off the island.

Never saw a guy win a spaghetti stain contest

where it didn't go to his head.

Come on, guys. Sorry.

Everybody out. Come on. Party's over.

So, Steph...

-Shirt! -Oh.

Steph, you said you weren't gonna be coming back

until Monday.

I got bored, I missed you, I came back.

Michael...

Is this the way you really are when I'm not around?

Have all these years been an act?

No.

I mean, it's one thing to spend time with George, but...

what were all those horrible men doing here?

Well, you did say don't do anything we normally do.

Those weren't Beavers?

Steph, you-- you don't know what I went through.

I mean, you-- you left, and I-- I just went nuts.

I guess so.

Well, Mr. V gave me the long-distance heave-ho,

and then Dick and Joanna wouldn't dance with me,

so when George...

begged me to go to the Beaver Lodge, I said yes.

Tell me you didn't join.

No, but they did make me honorary baby woodchuck.

Michael!

Don't worry, Steph. I didn't let them paddle me.

Michael!

Steph, I don't understand it either.

I mean, I talked about hunting and fishing,

I laughed at a joke about a farmer and his goat

I don't understand,

and, Steph, you know what the worst part of it was?

I had fun.

I guess it-- it just really felt good to be

one of the guys.

Michael, you weren't one of the guys.

You were one of those guys.

Well, Steph, I--

I know the Beavers eat spaghetti with their hands and...

they applaud when you belch,

but I guess underneath the tomato sauce, we're--

we're all pretty much the same.

Michael, I don't like this!

Oh, Steph. I'm sorry. I--

I guess I just-- I missed you so gosh darn much.

Oh.

I never realized that my leaving would have such

an effect on a person.

Although I was pretty sure.

Well, Michael,

if having fun with the Beavers

made you realize how miserable you are without me,

then, I guess it's okay.

Aw, Steph, what would I ever do without you?

Michael, we found out.

Now that this awful, half-day apart is behind us,

what do you say we go back to the inn

and get away from this yucky beer smell?

Oh. All right, Steph.

I just wanna make one quick stop before we go.

After the way I treated the Beavers,

I owe them an apology.

Are you sure?

Steph, I don't think I want men who hunt to be mad at me.

Guys.

So, can we come back in now?

You mean you're not mad at me?

Aw!

Come on.

Are you kiddin'? It happens all the time.

Yeah. Usually when a wife comes home,

we get the boot.

But we're always invited back again.

[ Chuckles ]

Steph?

Just... get it out of your system.

Hey, and, George,

thanks for bein' there for me when my muffin was missing.

Thanks for letting us use your place.

Hey, anytime!

Michael!

Oh, Steph, will you stay, too?

Trust me, it's really not so bad once you give it a chance.

Hey, Mike!

Think you can get your girlfriend to dance for us?

Whaa!

Call me tomorrow, Michael.

Meow.