All language subtitles for Newhart S05E24

Hi, Dick.

Steph, your reason for
living is here.

[ Chuckles ]

So you're what keeps her going.

Michael, just lemme get a jacket
and then we can go.

I'll be waiting with
minted breath.

Aw.

Oh, uh, George, did you
get everything?

I tried everywhere, but
there seemed to be

a run on blue cheese.

Rats!

Blue cheese blues, Dick?

Dick and Joanna first
met on a picnic

on Memorial Day weekend.

So every year on the
anniversary,

they have a romantic little
picnic the exact same way.

'Til now.

Perfectly good tradition,
shot to hell.

What tradition?

Ah, Dick and Joanna have
a food fixation.

It's not a fixation,
it's a tradition.

And I say po-tah-to.

Dick, you could learn
from Steph and me.

We steer clear of that nonsense.

I mean, it's fine to do a
tradition once,

but then after that they get
kinda repetitive

and constrictive.

Dick, honey, look.
It's the basket.

We're all set.

Looks like this cheese thing's
about to come to a head.

Honey, uh, George
checked everywhere,

but he couldn't find
any blue cheese

for-- for our picnic.

No cheese?

Uh, if I'd'a known it was gonna
turn out this way 17 years ago,

I woulda packed Velveeta.

[ Phone rings ]

Stratford Inn.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Vanderkellen.

Stephanie, it's your mom.

Ooh, Mommy must be
calling to tell me

what my Memorial Day present is.

You get a present for
Memorial Day?

It's a three-day weekend,
isn't it?

Hi, Mommy.

So, Michael, what are
you and Stephanie

doing this weekend?

Oh, actually, George, I've got
kind of a surprise

planned for Steph. I, uh...

You know, I convinced Bev to
close down the station

for the entire weekend.

We're just gonna broadcast 72
hours of programming

with a Memorial Day theme.

A three-day Gilligan's Island
marathon in memory...

of those left behind.

So now Steph and I are
free to Z to NYC

to see and be seen.

I got most of those letters,
Michael.

You're driving to New York?

That's right, George.

Wow. I'd be jealous if I didn't
have something special

planned myself.

I've got a big Beaver blowout.

It's our annual Spaghetti and
Tomato Sauce Sitdown.

Wow.

Yeah, I could try to
wangle a couple

of extra tickets for you.

Let me see, uh: Beaver Bash,
Broadway.

Beaver Bash, Broadway.

Now, George, you-- you
did say annual,

so I'll get a crack at
this next year?

Well, then, it looks like
I'm Broadway-bound.

Looks like you don't
have a choice.

STEPHANIE: Bye, Mommy.

So, Steph, what are you gettin',
and how does it stack up

against your
President's Day booty?

Well, I don't know yet, Michael,

but I'll find out as soon as
I get to Newport.

We're going to Newport?

Oh, I just love that
castle by the bay!

Oh, Michael.

I have some bad news.

You're not going, just me.

I don't follow. I don't follow?

My best friend from deb class
is having a baby.

I think her name was Sherry.

Anyway, Mommy's made all
the preparations

for me to host a baby
shower for her

in the Vanderkellen west wing.

You see, it's girls only.

And besides, this way I'll be
able to brag about you

without you actually
being there,

trying to live up to
my description.

But, Steph, if you
go without me,

it'll be our first
weekend apart ever.

And a-- a three-dayer.

I know, Michael.

So I'm going to have to have
an extra lot of fun

so I won't have to
think about that.

Uh, Steph, I even made plans for
us to go to Nueva York.

Oh, Michael.

I can't go.

Whenever the debs get together
and someone doesn't show up,

they assume she's fat.

Well, that settles it.
You have to go.

I mean, if only to quell
those cries of porker.

[ Clears throat ]

Honey, I, uh, I have a surprise.

Say... blue cheese.

[ Gasps ]

Dick, you found some!

Blue cheese food.

Well, you-- you may
have to settle

for artificial cheese, but you
get the real Dick Loudon.

Hi. I'm Larry.

This is my brother Darryl,

and this is my other
brother Darryl.

And we're about to embark
on our annual trek

for some sunbathin'
on the Riviera.

You guys are going to France?

No.

We're just going to lie on top
of an old abandoned Buick.

Uh, uh, sounds like fun,

and, uh, you won't have to
worry about those--

those huge crowds.

Not of humans, anyway.

And you're welcome to join us.

Well, thanks, guys, but, uh,

now that our cheese
came through,

we're gonna go ahead with
our own plans.

Okay.

But if it makes it any more
attractive to ya,

it is bathing suits optional.

It-- it-- it doesn't.

Oh, and, uh, by the way, guys,
uh,

we're not interested
in seeing any--

any slides of-- of
your vacation.

How 'bout you?

Oh, I'm sorry, guys. I-- I have
a Beaver function later on.

We understand.

It takes a lot of
time to get ready

for one of them uppity
high-brow affairs.

Come on, Darryl.

First one there...

gets whatever's left
in the ashtray.

Okay, I'll get the wine and the
cheese food slicer.

Michael, I'm worried about you.

I don't want you to spend
the entire weekend

sitting home alone in
your apartment.

Don't worry, Steph.

This afternoon I
figure I'll just...

go out and catch a matinee.

What if it's something that we
wanted to see together?

Oh, yeah, well, then I'll just--
I'll go out window shopping.

Without me? What if you're seen?
People will think we broke up.

You're right.

Well, uh, then I figure maybe
I'll just spend the weekend

sitting home alone in
my apartment.

That sounds good. [ Sighs ]

Well...

Bye, Michael.

Be gone three whole days.

Will you remember me?

Steph, in my wallet,
in my heart,

as long as I can picture you,

I've got the strength of a
thousand caballeros.

Okay.

She's gone! She's gone!

Oh, God, she's gone!

[ Sobs ]

Michael, you-- you did
everything you could.

It was...

It was just her time to go.

You want me to slap him, Dick?

Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry.
I'll be okay.

Just a... a touch of
cupcake withdrawals.

What's going on?

Uh, cupcake withdrawals.

[ Huffs ]

I can cope with being alone.

I can have fun alone.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, let's get started
on our picnic.

Let's not.

What?

Let's not.

Michael, this is a private
anniversary picnic.

Remember, just Joanna and me.

Dick. Dick, not this silly
tradition hang-up again.

[ Chuckles ]

I'll tell you what,
I'll come along,

if I get in the way, just tell
me and I'll leave.

[ Car doors closing ]

MICHAEL: Joanna, you have
to unlock the door

or I can't get in.

[ Car starts ands takes off ]

I've got an idea.

I'll follow your skid marks
and meet you there.

Don't worry about me.

I can have plenty of
fun by myself.

PROFESSOR: Skipper,

I think that if we could only
place this coconut satellite

into a low orbit,

we could make radio contact with
a coast guard station

on the mainland and finally
get off this island.

[ Sobs ]

Survive... the night.

Honey, hurry up.

I'm-- I'm hurrying. I'm just...

looking for my car keys.

You lost them?

-Well, not officially. -Oh.

Dick, we always get there late,
we get a table in the back,

and then you say you
don't wanna dance

because the walk to
the dance floor

is too far.

Well, I thought that was part
of the tradition.

Hi. I'm Larry.

This is my brother Darryl,

and this is my other
brother Darryl.

And we're one collective ouch.

Guys, you're all sunburned.

No.

Sorry about the sarcasm,
but we are in pain.

And it's our own fault.

We woke up on the
hood of the car

and heard the sound
of eggs frying.

Then Darryl pointed
out it was us.

Anyway, we could use some
salve or ointment

or something in the jelly
or jam family.

Guys, I don't think jams
or jellies are--

are gonna do a thing for--
for your sunburn.

Oops.

Pharmaceutical faux pas.

Are our faces red?

How 'bout that?

I was able to rise above our
discomfort and make a joke.

Well, guys, we don't have
anything for sunburn,

but I'm sure Peterson's
Drugs and Stuff will.

Thanks.

Come on, Darryl.

At least there's one
upside to this.

Tomorrow, the one
with the longest

continuous peel wins.

Oh, uh, George, have you
seen my car keys?

Lots of times. Why?

The last I saw 'em, they
were in the study.

Michael, I didn't know
you were here.

I was just up in
Stephanie's room.

It's-- it's so cute,
it's so cozy.

It's so Steph.

What are you doing
with that pillow?

I-- I just wanted to feel
closer to her.

Michael, I just want you to
know, my sock drawer

is off limits.

So you-- you need a hand,
George?

No, thanks. Already
got four of 'em.

[ Chuckles ] Good one.

Oh, this could be the
problem here.

Look, no cord.

Michael, that clock is
over 100 years old.

It's an antique.

Sounds like it's ready for
the old replacerino.

What do you say we head into
town and get you

a nice new flashy digital one
that talks to ya?

Uh, Michael, don't you
miss your pillow?

I'm okay for now.

I, uh, I think I'll
do this later.

So, uh, uh,

what-- what are we doing now?

This lightbulb is burnt out.

Oh, great. Finally something
I can help with.

What do I do?

Michael, did you know that
Dick and Joanna

are in the study?

Oh, really, George? Oh, thanks.

Hi, guys! Miss me?

Thanks a lot, George.

Well, this is great.

So, uh, so where are we
going tonight?

Joanna and I are going
dancing alone,

and you're doing whatever.

I got it. I'll chaperone.

Come on, Joanna. You can't say
you wouldn't feel

more comfortable with
someone else around

in case Dick decides
to get fresh.

[ Chuckles ]

Boy, them and doors.

So, uh, what's-- what's on,
George?

Uh, I'd love to keep you
company, Michael,

but I'm going to the
spaghetti dinner.

Sounds good. This paisan's
primed for pasta.

Aren't you forgetting?

It's at the Beaver Lodge.

Well, how badly can they
ruin spaghetti?

But you hate Beaver functions.

-Who said? -You did,
all the time.

Well, that was before. You know,
now I've changed my mind. I...

I-- I really think I oughta give
these-- these Beavers a try.

Boy, you really are lonely.

Well, Michael, this is it,
the Beaver Lodge.

Is it everything you expected?

Actually, George.

Yes.

Well, let me show you around.

This is the bar,

and this is the lodge, and
you've seen the parking lot.

Yeah, those-- those new lines
really jump out at ya.

Boy, I love Spaghetti Night.

This is a better turn out
than last year.

Well, it's amazing that a
group of free men

would get this excited over
food cooked in a vat.

Hey, George.

Who's the new guy?

You know me, Harley.
Michael Harris.

You? Here? In the Beaver Lodge?

What are you, a baby woodchuck?

No capiche.

Uh, that's what we call all
the new pledges.

Oh, I'm not pledging.

Mm. Does that mean we don't
get to paddle him?

George?

Not this time.

So you all set for
the big contest?

There's a contest?

Sure is. For the
person who ends up

with the biggest
spaghetti stain.

Yeah, the winner is chosen by an
impartial panel of experts.

Good luck tonight, Harley.

Thanks.

The adrenaline's pumpin' so
hard, my hand is shakin'.

Good start.

-Hi, George. -Hi, Buck.

Who's the baby woodchuck?

No, Michael is just a friend.

-Ah, you mean we
don't get-- -No.

Hey, George.

Oh, hi. Oh, this is Mel Donner.

He's on the parking
lot committee.

Notice those new lines?

How could you miss 'em?

Ah. Hey, what's with the tie?

Oh, it's just your
basic cotton twill.

Nobody wears a tie at
the Beaver Lodge.

It's in the bylaws.

Yeah, what if it accidentally
dips in the sauce?

Hey, fellas, this tie's
like Magellan.

It's history.

So, uh, what do you do, Mike?

Oh, Michael is a TV producer.

Well, I just wanna know
who's responsible

for the Gilligan's Island
marathon.

-Uh... -Michael is.

You put on Gilligan's Island ?

Well, yeah, I'm really not in
charge of the station.

I love that show!

But I did say,

"Either put on Gilligan's Island
or this guy's walking."

All right!

That little Gilligan guy,
he kills me.

What's he really like? Is he
that wacky in person?

Hey, what do ya think?

-I-- I told ya! I told ya!
-Coming through! Hot stuff!

Hey, Earl. Hey, guess what
Mike here does?

He makes TV shows.

-Sports? -No!

- Gilligan's Island !
-Really?

Yeah! Dibs on sitting next
to the new guy.

Oh, no.

He's gonna sit next to me.
Little buddy.

-[ Laughs ] -Good one.

-You guys really know
how to-- -Listen!

Hey, did you ever date Ginger?

Oh, well, no.

Hey.

[ Hoots ]

Wow! Look at this place.

I can't believe how neat it is.

Hard to believe you could
win a stain contest.

Michael, don't forget--

don't forget we're gonna
need that shirt

for the display case.

Wow! Get a load a her.

Who's the cheesecake?

-Yeah. -[ Chuckles ]

Hey, guys, that's no cheesecake.
That's my cupcake.

Mm. I'll give you a dollar for
that one right there.

Aw. I wish I could, Earl,

but it would destroy
the integrity

of the entire montage.

Oh, yeah.

So, guys, what say we
work off dinner

by running a marathon?

-Mm! -Oh, boy!

[ Chuckles ]

-Hey, guys. -Oh!

[ Laughter ]

All right, now listen,

I think this is the one

where they finally get
off the island.

Oh, yeah! Yeah!

[ Knock at the door ]

[ Chuckles ]

[ Knock at the door ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Can popping ]

Hello.

Is Michael home?

Yeah.

Is he still alive?

Look, it's cupcake!

-Oh, uh--
- MICHAEL: Steph!

[ Gasps ]

Oh, don't worry. It's-- it's
just tomato sauce.

Ew!

Steph, I can explain.

No, I can't.

Uh, guys, everybody out.
Let's go.

No, no, wait!

-Party's over. -Already?

Hustle, hustle, hustle.
Let's go.

-Nice meetin' ya. -Come on.
Come on, let's go.

I wanna see how this thing ends.

Trust me, they don't get
off the island.

Never saw a guy win a
spaghetti stain contest

where it didn't go to his head.

Come on, guys. Sorry.

Everybody out. Come on.
Party's over.

So, Steph...

-Shirt! -Oh.

Steph, you said you weren't
gonna be coming back

until Monday.

I got bored, I missed you,
I came back.

Michael...

Is this the way you really are
when I'm not around?

Have all these years
been an act?

No.

I mean, it's one thing to spend
time with George, but...

what were all those
horrible men doing here?

Well, you did say don't do
anything we normally do.

Those weren't Beavers?

Steph, you-- you don't know
what I went through.

I mean, you-- you left, and
I-- I just went nuts.

I guess so.

Well, Mr. V gave me the
long-distance heave-ho,

and then Dick and Joanna
wouldn't dance with me,

so when George...

begged me to go to the Beaver
Lodge, I said yes.

Tell me you didn't join.

No, but they did make me
honorary baby woodchuck.

Michael!

Don't worry, Steph. I didn't
let them paddle me.

Michael!

Steph, I don't
understand it either.

I mean, I talked about
hunting and fishing,

I laughed at a joke about a
farmer and his goat

I don't understand,

and, Steph, you know what the
worst part of it was?

I had fun.

I guess it-- it just really
felt good to be

one of the guys.

Michael, you weren't
one of the guys.

You were one of those guys.

Well, Steph, I--

I know the Beavers eat spaghetti
with their hands and...

they applaud when you belch,

but I guess underneath the
tomato sauce, we're--

we're all pretty much the same.

Michael, I don't like this!

Oh, Steph. I'm sorry. I--

I guess I just-- I missed you
so gosh darn much.

Oh.

I never realized that my
leaving would have such

an effect on a person.

Although I was pretty sure.

Well, Michael,

if having fun with the Beavers

made you realize how miserable
you are without me,

then, I guess it's okay.

Aw, Steph, what would I
ever do without you?

Michael, we found out.

Now that this awful, half-day
apart is behind us,

what do you say we go
back to the inn

and get away from this
yucky beer smell?

Oh. All right, Steph.

I just wanna make one quick
stop before we go.

After the way I
treated the Beavers,

I owe them an apology.

Are you sure?

Steph, I don't think I want men
who hunt to be mad at me.

Guys.

So, can we come back in now?

You mean you're not mad at me?

Aw!

Come on.

Are you kiddin'? It
happens all the time.

Yeah. Usually when a
wife comes home,

we get the boot.

But we're always
invited back again.

[ Chuckles ]

Steph?

Just... get it out of
your system.

Hey, and, George,

thanks for bein' there for me
when my muffin was missing.

Thanks for letting us
use your place.

Hey, anytime!

Michael!

Oh, Steph, will you stay, too?

Trust me, it's really not so bad
once you give it a chance.

Hey, Mike!

Think you can get your
girlfriend to dance for us?

Whaa!

Call me tomorrow, Michael.

Meow.