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1
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[ Knocking on door ]
2
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:54,652
I-- Is he here yet?
3
00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:55,353
Not yet.
4
00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,324
Michael, look at this.
5
00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:03,828
Dick, I cried because I
had a broken chair
6
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:06,631
'til I met a man who
had no chair.
7
00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:11,236
Michael, t-- today we have an
idol of mine on my show,
8
00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:12,036
Edwin Newman.
9
00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:13,971
I mean, s-- suppose he--
he comes into--
10
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into the office and sees this.
11
00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:16,574
I mean, it-- it's embarrassing.
12
00:01:16,609 --> 00:01:17,909
Dick, I'll-- I'll
take care of it.
13
00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:19,877
I'll make certain he gets
absolutely nowhere
14
00:01:19,912 --> 00:01:21,445
near your office.
15
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:23,581
Now, uh, take a gander
16
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,350
at some of the
questions I wrote up.
17
00:01:26,018 --> 00:01:27,885
Michael, I-- I don't
need questions.
18
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,187
I mean, I'm a major fan of Mr.
Newman's. I--
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00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:31,922
I prepared the
interview my-- myself.
20
00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:33,892
But-- but, Dick, I did a
lot of digging.
21
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,860
And I uncovered a few
surprising facts.
22
00:01:35,895 --> 00:01:37,728
Did you know Edwin Newman
was one of the major
23
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,264
news honchos at NBC?
24
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:42,800
Of course.
25
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:45,270
Wow. You really are into
this guy, aren't you?
26
00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:48,673
Let's see what questions
you came up with.
27
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:51,343
Do you think you could
beat Mike Wallace
28
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:53,044
in a one-on-one brawl?"
29
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:55,413
Oh, come on, Dick.
30
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:56,681
You can't say you're
not curious.
31
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,316
[ Phone rings ]
32
00:01:58,351 --> 00:01:59,050
Hi, hi.
33
00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:01,119
It's Edwin's people.
34
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:02,654
[ Chuckles ] Yes.
35
00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:05,089
Oh, no. Really?
36
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:07,726
Well, uh, do me a favor.
37
00:02:08,027 --> 00:02:09,594
See if a picture of
President Jackson
38
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,528
will change his mind.
39
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:11,596
[ Chuckles ]
40
00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:15,500
Oh.
41
00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:20,639
Looks like Edwin Newman's a slow
fade to black, Dick.
42
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:22,507
Cancelled?
43
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,141
And-- and-- and that's final?
44
00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:25,876
You heard me offer his
man an easy 20.
45
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:29,347
They said they were gonna try
and find us another date.
46
00:02:29,516 --> 00:02:30,281
Rats.
47
00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:33,451
Whoa. "Rats."
You are disappointed.
48
00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:35,853
But we're in luck.
49
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:37,856
I think we can get The
Unbelievable Jerry.
50
00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:40,425
Michael, we can always get The
Unbelievable Jerry.
51
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,927
He-- he hangs around every
Sunday dressed for the show,
52
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:44,228
just in case.
53
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,531
Well, it's 10 minutes before
we go live, Dick.
54
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:47,799
I think his time has come.
55
00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:50,701
I-- I don't need a phony
psychic on the show.
56
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,971
It's better if I-- I go
on all by myself.
57
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:53,972
All right, Dick.
58
00:02:55,107 --> 00:02:56,607
But I bet Jerry's predicting
it's gonna be a big bomb.
59
00:02:56,642 --> 00:02:58,076
[ Chuckles ]
60
00:02:58,111 --> 00:02:58,776
[ Clears throat ]
61
00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:04,515
So, Dick, who'd you get to
replace Edwin Newman?
62
00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:06,017
You gonna go with The
Unbelievable Jerry?
63
00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:08,887
No, JJ. I'm gonna go on
all by myself.
64
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,255
Good idea, Dick.
65
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:14,693
I'll have the test
pattern standing by.
66
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:24,468
And now it's Vermont Today
starring Dick Loudon.
67
00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:27,405
Hi, there. Our originally
scheduled guest,
68
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,907
Edwin Newman, couldn't be
with us today.
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00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:30,941
Rats.
70
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,146
So I thought I'd try
something a little--
71
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:35,846
a little different.
72
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:37,215
You know, uh,
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00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:39,517
talk to you off-- off the
top of my head
74
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,386
about... what's on my mind.
75
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:10,615
You kno-- You kn-- You know,
psychic phenomenon is--
76
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,520
is on-- is on everyone's
mind these days.
77
00:04:15,555 --> 00:04:17,321
I, uh, just happen to
have someone here
78
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,789
who claims he's
involved with that,
79
00:04:18,824 --> 00:04:21,526
so... could someone, uh,
try and find...
80
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:26,998
The-- The Unbelievable Jerry.
81
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:28,700
Thank you very much.
82
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:29,868
I'm fine.
83
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:32,871
Yes, it is my real name. Oh,
about nine years.
84
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:34,906
See what I just did, Dick?
85
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,776
I answered your first
three questions
86
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,244
before you even asked them.
87
00:04:41,247 --> 00:04:43,214
But th-- those-- those
weren't my first three--
88
00:04:43,249 --> 00:04:44,348
I'm getting another
picture here.
89
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:47,351
You have another business
besides this one, am I right?
90
00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,053
Y-- Yes.
91
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:51,423
It's a lumber company,
ladies and gentlemen.
92
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,258
No, it's-- it's an inn.
93
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,261
But... what is it made of?
94
00:04:57,530 --> 00:04:58,630
Lumber, correct?
95
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:01,132
Yeah, but I mean, any-- any--
96
00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:03,835
I sense a little
skepticism here, Dick.
97
00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:06,137
What I'm gonna do is
unite my mind
98
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:07,805
with the cosmic forces
of the universe
99
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:11,175
and perform the greatest test of
psychic ability known to man.
100
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:15,212
I am going to bend...
some spoons.
101
00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:19,751
Wh-- why-- why is it all you
guys ever do with your--
102
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:23,088
your psychic ability is--
is-- is bend spoons?
103
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,489
I also bend keys.
104
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,760
But I-- did you ever think of--
of harnessing your--
105
00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:32,897
your amazing powers and-- and
doing some good in the world?
106
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:33,564
Like, uh,
107
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,134
maybe helping peace talks
along somewhere?
108
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,736
Hey, I'll go anywhere they
supply a spoon.
109
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,405
Which reminds me, I'll be at
the Beavercreek Mall
110
00:05:41,441 --> 00:05:42,207
this Thursday evening,
111
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:43,975
providing personal and
financial advice
112
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:46,377
to shoppers of all ages for a
very reasonable fee.
113
00:05:46,579 --> 00:05:48,279
And we've got a special
discount for you...
114
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:50,014
seniors out there.
115
00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:54,285
Well, what-- what exactly
qualifies you to-- to give
116
00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,855
personal or-- or
financial advice?
117
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,189
What qualifies me?
118
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,591
Take a look at this spoon, Dick.
119
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:05,497
This is ridiculous.
120
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,432
You're-- you're no--
you're no psychic.
121
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:09,501
You're-- you're, uh--
122
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,770
you're... you're a weenie.
123
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:19,743
I-- I can't--
124
00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:21,779
I can't believe-- can't
believe I said that.
125
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:25,784
I have never been
treated like this.
126
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:28,853
And before I walk off, I'd just
like to remind everyone
127
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,020
I'll be at The
Carpet Warehouse--
128
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,189
Get out of here.
129
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:38,930
So where, uh--
where-- where was I?
130
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:43,234
Ah, what's-- what
was on my mind.
131
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,970
[ Test pattern noise ]
132
00:06:46,005 --> 00:06:47,004
JJ!
133
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:52,877
Joanna?
134
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:53,544
Mm-hm?
135
00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:55,579
I'm about to make an
important decision
136
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:57,181
that will change my entire life.
137
00:06:57,750 --> 00:07:00,551
I've decided to get
personalized license plates.
138
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,256
That is a
life-changing decision.
139
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:08,059
I guess that's why I put it
off all these years.
140
00:07:09,061 --> 00:07:12,330
But I'm not sure what I
want it to say.
141
00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:15,633
In a lot of ways, it's the most
irreversible decision
142
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:16,634
a person can make.
143
00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:17,401
I mean,
144
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,605
if you marry the wrong guy, you
can always get a divorce,
145
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:21,272
but...
146
00:07:22,141 --> 00:07:23,040
if you choose the wrong
license plate,
147
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:25,209
you have to stand in line at
the DMV for hours.
148
00:07:28,314 --> 00:07:30,314
I've narrowed it down to either
149
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:32,516
"IMADOLL" or "CUPCAKE".
150
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:35,286
What do you think?
151
00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:37,154
I don't even have an opinion.
152
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:38,723
I told you it was a
tough decision.
153
00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:39,457
JOANNA: Yeah.
154
00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:40,891
What's a tough decision?
155
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:43,327
Well, Stephanie's getting
personalized license plates,
156
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:45,263
and she can't decide what
precious little thing
157
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:45,996
it should say.
158
00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:47,998
Which one do you like for me,
George?
159
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,334
"IMADOLL" or "CUPCAKE"?
160
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:54,772
I don't know, Stephanie, maybe
I'm old fashioned,
161
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:58,509
but to me you'll
always be XPG407.
162
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,080
Okay, I've decided.
163
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:04,715
I'm going with "CUPCAKE".
164
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:06,951
That is the statement
I wanna make.
165
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,787
Now I just have to be sure
it's available.
166
00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:11,255
Stephanie, where'd you get that?
167
00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:14,425
They don't let people remove
those books from the DMV.
168
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,961
They do if you go like this.
169
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,000
Oh, poo!
170
00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:25,869
"CUPCAKE" is already taken.
171
00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:27,972
Well, that's just not fair.
172
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:30,041
Nobody could make a better
"CUPCAKE" than me.
173
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:34,279
I'm going to find out who it is
and get them to give it to me.
174
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:34,912
Stephanie,
175
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,081
they don't release that
information to the public.
176
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:38,516
Joanna,
177
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,319
they let me take this book home,
didn't they?
178
00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:45,622
JOANNA: Hi, honey.
179
00:08:45,624 --> 00:08:47,858
What a show today. It was
really something.
180
00:08:47,893 --> 00:08:48,660
Yeah.
181
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,331
Yeah, you're right.
182
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,167
It was the most humiliating
experience of my life.
183
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:58,402
Dick, it wasn't as bad
as you think.
184
00:08:58,437 --> 00:09:00,738
It was kind of exciting when you
called him a weenie.
185
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,810
Honey, I have never used that
word in-- in my life.
186
00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:08,045
And-- and the one time I do it's
in front of hundreds--
187
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:09,713
[ Clears throat ] thou--
thousands of people.
188
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:14,451
Dick, it was better than the
what was on your mind part.
189
00:09:15,554 --> 00:09:17,488
Yeah, Dick, I think
you lucked out.
190
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:20,157
You'd look a lot worse if you'd
called Edwin Newman
191
00:09:20,192 --> 00:09:21,725
a weenie.
192
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:26,497
Pinch me! I'm dreaming.
193
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:27,598
[ Laughs ]
194
00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:28,933
The phones have not
stopped ringing.
195
00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:30,634
We're up to our
keisters in kudos.
196
00:09:30,669 --> 00:09:31,802
[ Chuckles ]
197
00:09:31,837 --> 00:09:33,404
Try this title on for size:
198
00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:35,073
Dick Loudon's Target Practice,
199
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:37,675
with your host, Vermont's own
verbal kickboxer,
200
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:39,477
machine-gun mouth Loudon.
201
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:40,244
[ Chuckles ]
202
00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:45,349
Michael, what happened today on
the show was a fluke.
203
00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:46,884
I was tired, I was frustrated,
204
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:47,952
I was disappointed.
205
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:49,620
All things we can
recreate again.
206
00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:54,157
Michael, we're not changing the
show, and that's final.
207
00:09:54,193 --> 00:09:55,660
Okay, Dick. All right.
Have it your way.
208
00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:57,127
We'll go back to the old format:
209
00:09:57,697 --> 00:10:00,598
You talking, interrupted by the
occasional test pattern.
210
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,839
Oh, hi, Dick. Ready to...
211
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:10,707
get out there and grab 'em
all over again?
212
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:12,243
Michael, I thought we agreed,
213
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,045
the show was going back to
the way it was.
214
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:15,045
Dick, relax.
215
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:16,380
We agreed on a guest, didn't we?
216
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:17,047
That, uh,
217
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:20,184
fuddy duddy from the University
Museum of Antiquities?
218
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:22,720
He's your kind of guy, Dick.
219
00:10:22,755 --> 00:10:24,321
He's got a Phoenician
bowl exhibit.
220
00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:25,789
Five seconds to air.
221
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,025
Bowl 'em over, Dick.
222
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:27,892
[ Chuckles ]
223
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:33,898
And now Vermont Today, starring
224
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:37,168
Dick "The Ripper" Loudon!
225
00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:42,974
And Loudon's Lunatic Legion!
226
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:45,910
[ Raucous cheers ]
227
00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:55,119
Hi. I-- I-- I wasn't
expecting you.
228
00:10:56,889 --> 00:10:57,889
I-- I hope this--
229
00:10:57,924 --> 00:10:59,690
this doesn't have
anything to do with--
230
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:01,024
with last week's show.
231
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:04,095
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, Dick! Yeah!
232
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,465
Well, uh, let me introduce
my first guest...
233
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,032
Dr. Miles Rangel, Dick.
234
00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:11,635
Curator of Antiquities at theUniversity Museum
235
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:14,772
and pro-nuclear war activist!
236
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:16,640
AUDIENCE: Boo!
237
00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:20,644
I'm-- I'm-- I'm sorry.
I-- I think we--
238
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:22,780
we had a little mix up there.
239
00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:24,715
I'm sure our announcer
didn't mean to say
240
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:26,383
pro-nuclear war activist.
241
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:26,984
[ Chuckles ]
242
00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:29,453
Sure, he did. I'm a
pro-nuclear war activist.
243
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,188
Yeah, Dick.
244
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,592
You see, Mr. Loudon,
245
00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:39,030
when you've really studied
ancient civilization,
246
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,232
you become acutely aware
247
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,967
of how much mankind has
deteriorated.
248
00:11:44,603 --> 00:11:45,869
Why has this happened?
249
00:11:46,472 --> 00:11:48,972
Because the process of
natural selection
250
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:50,874
has been irrevocably
tampered with,
251
00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:53,544
and there's just no way to
really clean house anymore.
252
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,580
Which is why, I believe,
253
00:11:56,815 --> 00:11:59,150
we should have a
limited nuclear war,
254
00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:01,452
blow a lot of the scum off the
face of the earth
255
00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:02,953
and simply start all over again.
256
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,722
-AUDIENCE: Boo! -MAN: No!
257
00:12:05,925 --> 00:12:07,324
Go get him, Dick!
258
00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:18,402
So, Phoenician bowls.
259
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,473
How, uh-- how far back do--
do these babies go?
260
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:24,374
1200 BC.
261
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:29,012
They're, uh, relics of a time
when quality craftsmanship
262
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,549
was an important part of
everyday life.
263
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:32,750
Why?
264
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,019
Because back then it was
survival of the fittest.
265
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,622
In those days, a
plague or a famine
266
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:39,924
could build up some steam.
267
00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:44,161
But now, look at the crowds
you see everywhere.
268
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:47,231
Even the lines for 12 items or
less are enormous.
269
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,268
Which is why I reiterate...
270
00:12:52,337 --> 00:12:55,673
a carefully managed,
violent nuclear war
271
00:12:56,508 --> 00:12:59,009
would be... a much
needed cleansing,
272
00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:00,344
a bath for humanity.
273
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:02,647
Boo! Boo!
274
00:13:03,148 --> 00:13:04,648
Boo!
275
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:10,021
O-- okay, I'll-- I'll admit, a
nuclear war would--
276
00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:11,555
would probably make a lot of...
277
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:13,824
lot of lines shorter.
278
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:20,597
But I-- I mean, what about
the fact that--
279
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,333
that afterwards, the, you know,
the-- the entire...
280
00:13:23,903 --> 00:13:25,435
planet would be poisoned?
281
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:26,938
AUDIENCE: Yeah!
282
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,239
Well, Mr. Loudon, obviously
you're not interested
283
00:13:29,274 --> 00:13:30,808
in discussing this
intelligently.
284
00:13:32,344 --> 00:13:34,478
In fact, at any moment,
285
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:36,480
I bet you're gonna
call me a weenie.
286
00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:40,117
AUDIENCE: Yeah! [ Cheers ]
287
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,454
I have-- have no
intention of calling you
288
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:44,855
a weenie, Dr. Rangel.
289
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:46,056
MAN: Aw!
290
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,461
Even though you are one.
291
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,396
Yeah! [ Cheers and applause ]
292
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:54,698
Good day, Mr. Loudon.
293
00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:56,901
Have a nice nuclear winter.
294
00:13:57,603 --> 00:13:58,602
Yeah!
295
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:01,405
[ Cheers and applause ]
296
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:05,108
The, um-- the Phoenician
bowl exhibit will--
297
00:14:06,111 --> 00:14:08,178
will continue at the
University Museum
298
00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:11,582
un-- until the 15th.
299
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:18,989
Weenie! Weenie! Weenie! Weenie!
Weenie!
300
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:22,426
Weenie! Weenie! Weenie! Weenie!
301
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,200
Dick, you've gotta
eat something.
302
00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:31,201
Will you at least
have your cereal?
303
00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,103
Honey, it's in a bowl.
304
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,474
Will you forget about
yesterday's show?
305
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,042
You're being too hard
on yourself.
306
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:40,177
Dick!
307
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:42,313
Take a look at these ratings.
308
00:14:42,348 --> 00:14:43,647
We actually got a whole number.
309
00:14:43,682 --> 00:14:44,248
[ Chuckles ]
310
00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:49,019
We finally beat out those
unoccupied channels.
311
00:14:50,689 --> 00:14:52,889
Michael, you know I couldn't
care less-- Wow.
312
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,127
This-- this means nothing.
313
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:57,461
I mean, some of the
worst shows in...
314
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,496
in history have gotten
great ratings.
315
00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:03,501
True. But did any of them...
get great reviews?
316
00:15:03,702 --> 00:15:06,137
Dick, hold onto this paper
with one hand and...
317
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:07,905
pat yourself on the back
with the other.
318
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:09,840
I wanna see.
319
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:14,145
"Dick Loudon's acerbic wit
cuts like a knife
320
00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:16,813
through the dull baloney of
afternoon television."
321
00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:20,384
Gee, I-- usually, I agree
with this guy.
322
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,021
Excuse me, Mr. Loudon.
323
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:28,659
Could I possibly have
your autograph?
324
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:32,496
I-- I don't-- I don't
think you want that.
325
00:15:32,531 --> 00:15:34,631
Please. We love your show.
326
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,901
I can't believe we're staying
here at your inn.
327
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,436
Thank you so much.
328
00:15:40,539 --> 00:15:42,573
-Can I ask you one more thing?
-Sure.
329
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,241
This is my husband, Tim.
330
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:47,611
Would it be too much trouble for
you to call him a weenie?
331
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:53,016
I-- I don't think he--
he would be--
332
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:53,750
No, please.
333
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,086
Call me a weenie. I--
It be an honor.
334
00:15:58,023 --> 00:15:58,622
[ Clears throat ]
335
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,124
You're-- you're, uh--
you're a weenie.
336
00:16:01,159 --> 00:16:01,825
Oh!
337
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,128
This is so exciting.
338
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,169
So, Dick, did I just see that
hat size jump a notch?
339
00:16:13,805 --> 00:16:15,972
Michael, I don't care what
other people think.
340
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:17,274
I-- I care what I think.
341
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:20,477
And right now, I think Joanna
and I are gonna take a drive.
342
00:16:21,346 --> 00:16:23,313
You wanna buy more newspapers.
343
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:26,149
Well, you know, if we
pass a stand.
344
00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:33,423
Oh, Michael, good.
345
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,226
Michael, this is Vince Dinsmore.
346
00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:37,528
You know, "CUPCAKE"?
347
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,338
You're-- you're "CUPCAKE"?
348
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:48,038
Yep.
349
00:16:48,974 --> 00:16:50,407
It's my license plate, and
there's nothing
350
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,709
gonna make me give it up.
351
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:53,010
Michael?
352
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,680
Well, Vince, you know, I'm
just-- I'm just curious.
353
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:59,216
What-- what would a well-built,
barrel-chested drink of water
354
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,351
like yourself
355
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:02,620
want with a wimpy little plate
that says "CUPCAKE"?
356
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:05,155
Because it's the name of my
million-dollar business,
357
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,690
Cupcake Inc.
358
00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:08,492
Big, big deal.
359
00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:10,761
Cupcake Inc.?
360
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:11,695
You know...
361
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:13,530
Tasty little cake Getit in the cup
362
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:15,632
Grab it by the handleEat it right up?
363
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:20,537
I got a whole fleet of
cupcake trucks,
364
00:17:20,739 --> 00:17:24,275
I got promotional T-shirts,
I got keychains.
365
00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:28,579
But, Michael, I'm the only
true "CUPCAKE".
366
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:31,381
Stephanie, sweetheart, for the
first time in your life,
367
00:17:31,416 --> 00:17:32,282
you may have to accept
368
00:17:32,317 --> 00:17:33,383
that there's something
in this world
369
00:17:33,418 --> 00:17:34,351
that you can't have.
370
00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:36,286
Michael, are you trying to
make me break out
371
00:17:36,321 --> 00:17:37,588
into a rash?
372
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,857
Steph, I'm afraid none of
those old standbys
373
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:41,858
are gonna work this time.
374
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,397
Damn good pout, Steph.
375
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,433
But-- but it's just not enough.
376
00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:52,903
What kind of monster are you?
377
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:57,440
Okay, look, if-- if it means
that much to you,
378
00:17:58,177 --> 00:17:59,710
you can have the dumb plate.
379
00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:00,844
[ Gasps ]
380
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:05,048
I'll contact the DMV first
thing in the morning.
381
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,385
Could you try to be
there by 7:30,
382
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,521
so you could be the
first one in line?
383
00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:11,589
No. No, no--
384
00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:14,291
Okay, okay. Lighten up already.
385
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:22,600
Surprise.
386
00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:24,668
A brand-new chair.
387
00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:25,769
Wow.
388
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,139
Real leather.
389
00:18:29,741 --> 00:18:31,208
Actually, it's real leatherette.
390
00:18:32,811 --> 00:18:34,378
But you deserve the perks, Dick.
391
00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:36,346
The show's so hot, you're gonna
have to work in asbestos.
392
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:37,113
[ Chuckles ]
393
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,017
Bev's even thinking of
moving the time slot
394
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:40,985
to right after 60 Minutes.
395
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:42,419
You know, to capitalize
on an audience
396
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,887
that's already been
primed for a fight.
397
00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:48,959
Oh, you know, what I
do is not...
398
00:18:49,928 --> 00:18:52,463
that much different from--
from 60 Minutes.
399
00:18:54,232 --> 00:18:57,635
I mean, I expose...
charlatans in a...
400
00:18:58,370 --> 00:19:00,270
in a tasteful way.
401
00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:03,541
Dick, whatever you're
talking about, I agree.
402
00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:05,575
I wouldn't be
surprised if you sweep
403
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:06,577
those Nobels this year.
404
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:07,878
[ Chuckles ]
405
00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:10,347
Michael, that's ridiculous. [
Continues chuckling ]
406
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:13,951
Maybe a, you know, a
more local award.
407
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:17,187
Take a gander at next
week's guest.
408
00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:21,725
Mrs. Henrietta... Epson,
author of...
409
00:19:22,427 --> 00:19:24,261
"The Fudge and Whiskey Diet"?
410
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:30,434
That's right, Dick. How
many more innocents
411
00:19:30,469 --> 00:19:33,670
must slump into a fat stupor
before she's stopped?
412
00:19:38,276 --> 00:19:40,577
I guess I could nail her.
413
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:42,613
Great, Dick.
414
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:44,314
Her only demand is that
someone drive her here
415
00:19:45,183 --> 00:19:46,449
in a car with a really
big back seat.
416
00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:48,819
Cheese it! It's the
pro-nuke nut!
417
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:52,255
Uh, Doctor-- Doctor Rangel, I--
418
00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:54,591
Mr. Loudon, I just dropped by
to say... thank you.
419
00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:58,194
You, uh-- you're--
you're welcome.
420
00:19:58,631 --> 00:19:59,863
For, uh-- for what?
421
00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:02,298
For allowing me to be a
guest on your show.
422
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,235
My phone hasn't stopped ringing
since the show aired.
423
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:07,037
I've already signed up
30 new members,
424
00:20:07,339 --> 00:20:09,205
which is an increase of
3000 percent,
425
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:12,009
because before that... it
was really just me.
426
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,780
I want you to know, if
you're ever looking
427
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,382
for a sparring partner,
428
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,183
I'm your weenie.
429
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:23,487
Because of you and your show,
430
00:20:23,522 --> 00:20:25,155
the whole world is just
a little closer
431
00:20:25,191 --> 00:20:26,257
to nuclear disaster.
432
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:33,230
That's it, we're going back
to the old format.
433
00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:35,265
Dick, no.
434
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:37,300
Michael, I would rather bore
people senseless
435
00:20:37,335 --> 00:20:37,968
than-- than--
436
00:20:38,837 --> 00:20:40,337
than cater to the-- the
lunatic fringe.
437
00:20:40,372 --> 00:20:41,972
But, Dick, there--
there's no good reason
438
00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:43,640
why we can't do both.
439
00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:46,477
Michael, I wanna do
the kind of TV
440
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:47,911
I wanna do.
441
00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:49,680
It-- It's more important to--
442
00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:52,015
to be good than--
than-- than popular.
443
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:55,151
Is that your final word, Dick?
444
00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:56,853
I'm afraid it is.
445
00:20:58,157 --> 00:20:58,821
Well...
446
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:00,457
To tell you the truth,
447
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,259
I respect you for it.
448
00:21:03,628 --> 00:21:04,628
Thank you, Mike.
449
00:21:05,964 --> 00:21:07,297
Excuse us.
450
00:21:20,645 --> 00:21:22,445
Edwin Newman's here, Dick.
451
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,316
I-- I was so excited about
this interview, I--
452
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:27,918
I-- I couldn't sleep last night.
453
00:21:28,387 --> 00:21:29,252
Don't worry, Dick.
454
00:21:30,255 --> 00:21:31,288
I'm sure we'll all be able
to catch some Z's
455
00:21:31,323 --> 00:21:32,222
during the interview.
456
00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:43,033
Welcome to Vermont Today withyour host Dick Loudon
457
00:21:43,068 --> 00:21:45,836
and his very special guest,Edwin Newman.
458
00:21:47,039 --> 00:21:49,239
I am honestly thrilled
and delighted
459
00:21:49,275 --> 00:21:51,107
to introduce my guest today.
460
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:55,512
Quite frankly, he's always
been one of my heroes.
461
00:21:56,415 --> 00:21:58,715
Well, actually, more than
one of my heroes,
462
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:01,518
he's a sort of idol of mine.
463
00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:02,719
[ Chuckles]
464
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:06,156
Be-- before I completely
embarrass myself,
465
00:22:06,191 --> 00:22:07,891
why don't I just introduce him?
466
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:11,128
Mister Edwin Newman.
467
00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:15,332
[ Applause ]
468
00:22:20,973 --> 00:22:22,973
It's-- it's an honor to
have you here, sir.
469
00:22:23,575 --> 00:22:25,876
Mr. Loudon, when I
originally agreed
470
00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:27,745
to be a guest on your program,
471
00:22:27,780 --> 00:22:30,047
I took it on faith
from a publicist,
472
00:22:30,950 --> 00:22:33,450
an act of some naivet�, I agree,
473
00:22:33,919 --> 00:22:37,053
uh, that yours was a program of
reasonable quality.
474
00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:39,990
I've had occasion these
last two weeks
475
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:42,059
to watch the program myself,
476
00:22:42,661 --> 00:22:45,262
and I have found that it
typifies everything
477
00:22:45,297 --> 00:22:47,964
that is wrong in
television today.
478
00:22:49,834 --> 00:22:53,703
So I came on the program to
tell you that myself.
479
00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:56,306
Now I intend to leave
480
00:22:56,341 --> 00:22:58,709
before you begin your
usual name-calling.
481
00:23:00,980 --> 00:23:03,914
And, by the way, the correct
term is not "weenie",
482
00:23:03,949 --> 00:23:04,915
it is "wiener".
483
00:23:07,819 --> 00:23:09,386
Good day, Mr. Loudon.
484
00:23:20,032 --> 00:23:20,898
[ Clears throat ]
485
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,735
La-- uh, ladies and gentlemen,
Mr... Edwin Newman.
486
00:23:29,275 --> 00:23:32,509
I could've told you
this would happen.
487
00:24:12,717 --> 00:24:13,383
Meow.
35076
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