Original subtitles

Hey, Stephanie.

How's everything?

Okay. Ew! Ew! Ew!

What is it?

I got lemon wax on my hand.

Got it.

You emulsify and moisturize

and then something like this happens.

I think we caught it in time.

And how am I going to finish this

if I have to work with a can that has a rogue spray?

George?

Coming.

Stand back.

Thanks, George.

You're welcome.

You know, that stuff's smell kinda reminds me

of this lye soap my mother used to make.

She always added lemon to take away the odor.

When that stuff started boiling,

it smelled like...

Well, you know how feet get on a hot summer day

after you...

walked a couple of miles,

and you're wearing the socks from the day before.

George...

You remember how we decided it would be okay

for you to tell me childhood memories

unless they were about something awful

like lye or unwashed feet?

Oh, yeah.

Hi, fair maid, handyguy.

Michael!

Ah. I met a civil servant outside,

so I come bearing mail.

For George, an envelope full of coupons

and a letter from people who will give you a toaster

if you buy land.

And for my little shopper, the latest

Bergdorf Goodman catalogue.

[ Gasps ] Oh, Michael!

Oh, I love that "kiss the messenger" rule.

What say we go out to lunch and celebrate?

I'd love to.

Stephanie, did you remember to ask Michael to bring me

one of his ties?

Oh, George...

I forgot. Sorry.

George, thanks to the gods of taste,

all my ties clash with plaid.

Well, I don't wanna wear it with plaid,

I wanna wear it with a suit.

Tonight's the big dance at the town hall

and Ida Powell, the bank teller,

is gonna be there, and I think she's got a crush on me.

How come, George?

Well, last week, I got stuck in line at the bank

behind Mr. Stebbins.

The blind man.

Yeah. And you know how slow he can be.

Well, Ida opened her window just for me.

And she was on her lunch break.

I know because I could see her bitten baloney sandwich

next to a pile of 10s. Anyway, she...

George wants to impress her tonight.

Can we go now?

Stephanie's gonna help me put together a look.

Steph, how giving of you.

I know. He sorta begged.

Oh, I can't wait for tonight.

I'm going right now to lay out my best clothes.

Stephanie, we're gonna knock Ida for a loop.

See you later this afternoon.

Oh, Joanna, Michael's taking me out for my lunch break,

so please say, "Okay," okay?

Fine.

[ Chuckles ]

Try to have her back before dark.

It's easier to see dust when there's still some light.

Oh, here's your daily missives.

Mostly bills and a postcard from Dick's mom.

Michael, I'm feeling faint.

Oh, gotta run. Low blood sugar calls. Ciao.

Well, your mother's chicken scratches reach new lows.

"Came here to St. Petersburg with my woman's club.

It's hot. My roommate doesn't bathe.

Never been so miserable.

Wish you were here. Love, Mom."

Clear as a bell.

You oughta have your eyes checked.

Or get a secret decoder ring.

You know, I can't remember the last time

either one of us went to the eye doctor.

I should make an appointment.

Oh, that's okay, honey. If you wanna go, fine.

But I'm very busy. I really don't have the time.

Honey, this is the kind of thing you have to make time for.

Dick, I do not have an eye problem,

and I will not be forced to go to an eye appointment

because you have a mother who scribbles!

No, that was an overreaction.

Oh, honey, I wanna talk to you about this eye situation.

Dick.

Honey, when we get older,

sometimes things aren't as sharp as--

as when we were kids.

Like your mother's handwriting?

And, uh, sometimes we resist sharpening up those things,

because we're, well, just a little vain.

Dick...

But-- but remember,

glasses, uh, don't mean that, uh--

that you're gonna look less attractive.

In-- in fact, in some cases, they make you look...

...cuter.

Dick, trust me.

The fact that I don't wanna go to the eye doctor

has nothing to do with vanity.

That would be silly.

Well, then, why won't you go?

Because I'm terrified of them.

[ Laughs ]

Come on, honey.

[ Laughs ]

You're-- you're serious.

Since-- since when?

Since one of those goons first shone that pen light

in my eye.

Hon-- honey, why are you afraid of--

of going to the eye doctor?

Are-- are you worried that the-- the--

the big E is gonna come after you?

[ Laughs ]

As a matter of fact,

I'm not too fond of that E or any of the other letters.

Honey, be-- be reasonable.

An ophthalmologist is one of the truly

in-- innocuous doctors you-- you can go to these days.

I mean, there's-- there's no shot.

There's-- there's-- there's no nudity.

It's-- it's-- it's a day at the beach.

Oh, yeah?

What about the pressure they put you under when they say,

"Which is better?

This one?

Or this one?"

Dick, they're both the same!

Honey, I could understand if you told me the--

the idea of-- of having your--

your teeth grinded by a metal drill,

uh, was making you nervous.

I mean, then I would say, "I understand."

But when you tell me that reading a line of letters

with one eye

is your greatest nightmare,

then, I say we'd better get you in a program.

Dick, I am not going back to one of those

optical houses of horror, and that's final.

Have you seen Stephanie?

She's supposed to help me pick out

what to wear tonight,

and it's getting late

so I thought I'd bring my stuff over here

since she hates going into my room anyway.

She says the stove scares her.

See? People fear many things.

She isn't here, George.

She-- she, uh, called, and she's taking the rest of the day off.

She did?

Yeah. It was kinda hard to understand with--

with all her squealing, but it was something about...

Paris fashions and...

Michael's extended credit limit.

Oh.

Well, I can help you pick out something, George.

No, that's okay.

I think I'll just go be mad.

Well, that's Stephanie.

Yeah.

Inconsiderate, childish, irresponsible,

and yet not afraid of a mere eye doctor.

Honey.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, this was a first step.

I don't think I've actually ever seen a credit card

start to melt from use.

God, we know how to have fun.

[ Chuckles ]

Good night, Steph.

Stephanie.

Good grief, George.

I have breakables in here.

I need to talk to you.

Okay, but better make it brief.

You know I need my beauty sleep.

Well, I don't actually need it,

but I like to go through the motions.

You didn't help me pick out my clothes for the dance.

Oh, George, I forgot.

Michael and I ran into quality wools at bargain prices.

Did you get Joanna to help you?

No, I was way too upset.

George, we are still talking about a dance, right?

With a woman named Ida?

Yes, and it was important to me, and you forgot.

You're always forgetting me.

If I ask you for a second cup of coffee

or to pick me up something at the store,

you forget.

I think someone is a little tired and a little grumpy.

Stephanie, I've thought about this all evening,

and believe me, it's as hard for me as the time

I had to kick Jimmy Bibb out of my yard

for hogging the ball,

but I've decided... [ Sighs ]

I can't be your friend anymore.

What exactly does that mean,

you won't be my friend anymore?

Well, it doesn't mean I won't still be nice to you

or help you dig your car out of the snow,

or run an errand for you if you need me to,

because... I'd do those things for anybody,

friend or not.

So basically, things will be the same?

No, they won't.

From now on, when I do something for you,

it will be not as a friend.

But you will still do them?

As an acquaintance.

Okay, George.

If this is how you want things.

I think it's best.

Good night, Stephanie.

Good night, George.

Sorry I can't throw in a "sweet dreams".

That's all right.

Okay.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

But that's the best I can do.

Uh, morning is fine.

In fact, if I can bring her in while she's still asleep...

I-- I didn't think so. I-- I'll see you Wednesday.

Oh, honey, I found you an eye doctor.

Don't start.

Now-- now, I couldn't find one who specifically

catered to cowards,

but I did find one who didn't laugh when I told him.

I'm not going.

Hon-- honey, you have to have your eyes checked.

No, I don't.

My eyes are fine, so drop it.

Joanna, I don't do this often, but I'm putting my foot down.

You, young lady, are going to the eye doctor.

Didn't work.

I know it didn't.

That's why I don't do it often.

Oh, Dick, where's that wobbly table leg?

Oh, uh, this one, George.

[ Sighs ]

Four legs started out fine.

What makes one go haywire?

Peer pressure?

How are you, George?

Uh, fine.

Are you fixing that table?

Yep.

George, wouldn't you like to tell me about one

of your childhood memories?

Not really.

All right, George.

I thought about this clothing problem

we had last night,

and...

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

There.

You always say you're sorry, Stephanie,

but you never act any differently.

I really think it's better that you and I not be friends.

All right. Fine.

Be that way.

Lord knows I tried.

And your eyes will get so bad, you won't be able to drive.

And you'll have to get me to read to you and--

and you always hate my inflections.

Oh!

And-- and you'll begin to squint more and more

until you finally walk into a wall

and break your nose.

All right! I'll go!

-Good. -On one condition.

What?

I want you to finally model that Valentine's Day

underwear I got for you.

Uh-huh.

O-- okay. Okay, but after this, the word "selfless"

better pop up a lot in my eulogy.

[ Whimpers ] Ow.

Great news, Steph.

Your favorite fashion mag has just hit the stands.

Do you wanna take a break and play critique?

What's wrong?

I got spray wax on my hand.

Poor Steph.

Do-- Do you wanna go bathe?

No. [ Sniffs ]

I'm okay.

Well, th-- this'll make you feel better.

Here. You go first.

I'll open at random, and you spot the fashion faux pas.

[ Chuckles ]

Michael, I don't feel like playing this.

But, Steph, critique is your favorite.

And just look at the choice of accessories.

[ Giggles ]

Nitpick away, sweetie.

Her earrings are too large for her head.

I'm just not enjoying this.

Steph, I know you,

and this is more than just a reaction to a cleaning agent.

I-- is it, uh...?

Is it me, cupcake? Level with me. Is it, uh...?

Is it a breath problem again?

No.

[ Sigh of relief ]

I think it's George.

George is having an effect on your life?

Kind of.

A few days ago, he told me that we couldn't be friends anymore.

And even though I begged him to forgive me,

he said he still can't be my friend.

What a mean thing to say. I can see why you're so upset.

You can?

Well, of course.

I mean, when I'm not around, George is sort of on call.

I mean... who'll do stuff for you?

He'll still do stuff.

But-- but less stuff.

No, all the stuff I need.

But not when you need it.

Uh-huh.

Help me out here, Steph. Where's the problem?

[ Sighs ]

I don't know.

It doesn't make sense, but...

I still feel blue.

Stephanie, you know what I do

when I don't understand an emotion?

I suppress and deny it.

Michael, I think I'll just go upstairs

and pout in a hot tub.

Well, it's a good first step.

So, how was the eye doctor?

Horrible.

Oh?

I went through all this misery and anxiety

to discover that my eyes are 20/20,

just like I said they were.

Yeah, but doesn't it make you feel better

to see it written on a chart by a professional?

Excuse me, George. I have to go upstairs

to our bedroom and find a... little something for Dick.

Well, at least your appointment was okay.

Are you kidding, George?

Af-- after all of Joanna's horror stories,

who could relax?

I mean, when-- when he came after me

with that pen light,

I was afraid he was gonna accidentally...

poke my eye out.

Then I-- then I had to read that--

that eye chart.

And that...

the big E does kinda loom.

Dick, please.

You're ruining my favorite doctor.

Oh, Dick.

[ Clears throat ]

Well, at least I'm not forcing you

into silly underwear, George.

And don't think I don't appreciate it.

Morning, George.

Good morning.

You looked very cute last night.

So-- so-- so you said.

And I don't think "selfless" is the only word

that will show up at your eulogy.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

Maybe the little red hearts are me?

[ Giggles ]

[ Clears throat ]

Good-- good card game last night.

[ Clears throat ]

Right.

Thanks.

Thanks.

-Thanks. -Oh, just stop it!

Stop it! Stop it!

What was that?

I guess I was a little rough on her.

DICK: Stephanie.

What-- what's going on?

You saw the way George treated me.

Yeah, and if he doesn't stop this polite business,

he's out on his ear.

He said, "Thanks."

But he didn't say, "Yum", like he always does.

And that's not the only thing.

He doesn't go on and on about his childhood.

But-- but you hate that.

Yes, but he doesn't do it anymore.

Do-- do me a favor and try and make sense.

It's all George's fault.

He told me that he and I couldn't be friends

anymore and...

for some reason it bothers me.

Well, of course it bothers you.

But he'll still do favors for me.

Stephanie, there's a--

there's a big difference between

acting like a friend and...

and actually being a friend.

Wh-- when you're someone's friend,

you know that they have a place in their heart for you,

and-- and when-- when they stop

being your friend, it-- it's--

it's like, um, like, um--

Like you've been asked to leave your sorority.

Ex-- ex-- exactly.

And even if they-- they still let you attend meetings...

Dick, not after you've been blackballed.

Oh.

Well, e-- even if they, you know--

they still spoke to you--

But they wouldn't.

Pretend they would.

I mean, e-- even if they let you do

s-- sorority things,

you-- you wouldn't feel... like a sister.

But it's not fair.

When I was in Kappa Kappa Gamma,

I knew I was a sister.

I never knew George was a friend.

I just thought of him as...

....George.

Sometimes you don't miss something un--

until it's gone.

Well, isn't life a picnic?

I didn't miss having a friend, until he stopped being a friend,

and now he refuses to be a friend,

so I get to be miserable forever.

Why is it always me?

You-- you could talk to George.

I tried that. I told him I was sorry.

No, I'm just going to have to mope and be unhappy,

and then one day I'll die.

Look...

Stephanie, I-- I don't do this often, but...

I'm going to put my foot down.

You, young lady, are going to talk to George.

I guess it couldn't hurt.

Batting 500.

[ Knock at the door ]

Come in.

Stephanie?

George, I want this not being friends business

to stop.

We've been through that.

I get my feelings hurt less when we're just two people

who work at the same inn.

I'm not buying that.

You did not get this reputation

for being nice by being stubborn.

Now, stop teaching me this stupid lesson

and tell me what I have to do.

Please.

Just say you're sorry.

I already did that. Days ago.

Do you mean we went through this hell

just because you forgot?

I want you to say you're sorry and really mean it.

Oh.

Sorry, sorry, so--

Sorry, sor--

I think maybe we're better the way we are.

George, I can't go on like this.

You have to forgive me.

I'm new at being a friend.

Now, what can I do to show you?

I'm up here in your room.

Here... I'm next to your stove.

Oh, oh...

I'll touch denim if you want me to.

Don't let me lose you.

Please, George.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

[ Gasps ]

George! Ah!

I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!

Oh, Stephanie, thank you. I've been so miserable.

You've been miserable, too?

You bet.

Then, I guess this not being my friend

wasn't the best idea, huh, George?

Yes, it was.

Now I know you really want me as a friend.

And right now I feel loads better

than when I let Jimmy Bibb back into the yard.

-I remember... -George...

are you going to tell me another childhood memory?

Yep.

Then, could we go somewhere else to reminisce?

This stove really bothers me.

Meow.