Original subtitles

Morning, Joanna.

Don't give me that.

Are-- are you the same Joanna who usually sits here?

Don't try to ignore this, Dick,

because after what you did last night,

I have every right to be angry with you.

When we went to bed last night, you-- you weren't mad at me.

I must have been some demon with those covers.

You spent the whole time flirting with another woman.

When?

Last night. In my dream.

Ah. For a minute there I--

I thought you were upset over nothing.

We were at a dinner party eating sesame chicken,

and you spent the whole night talking and flirting

with this brunette in a flowered hat and ignoring me.

And-- and that was it?

Until your ears got big like Dumbo's and you flapped away.

It was all so real.

But-- but it-- it was just a dream.

I know it was just a dream,

but it feels like it really happened.

But-- but it didn't.

But it's just the sort of thing you would do.

Morning, Dick. Morning, Joanna.

You know, George was there, and he was mad at you, too.

I was? When?

In Joanna's dream.

Oh. I'm sorry, Dick. Do you forgive me?

Don't be silly, George.

You-- you don't have to forgive people

for something they did in a dream.

Right, Joanna?

Don't worry, Dick. I'm not really mad at you.

If I were, would I ask you to come with me

to the Southern Vermont Hardware Expo?

You might.

It's for closing night.

The Parade of the Power Mowers.

Oh, that-- that sounds awfully tempting.

I was, uh, kind of hoping for opening night, George.

Are you kidding? Just try getting seats to Sprinklermania.

Hi. I'm Larry.

This is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl.

We was wondering if we might chew the cud alone

with Miss Stephanie.

Go for it.

Hi, guys. How are you?

Speaking strictly for Yours Truly: lovesick.

I know.

Miss Stephanie, I'll always have an eternal pilot light burnin'

in my chestal cavity for you.

But since your dainty heart is on temporary loan to another,

I've decided to pick up the scent

of a different dating trail.

And lo and behold, my nostrils hit the jackpot.

Good for you, Larry. See, prayers are answered.

I didn't pray for this.

Well, the important thing is one of us did.

Who is she?

A fetching young filly that works at the bakery.

We was lured there

by an advertisement promisin' bear claws.

It was just a come on.

When are you two going out?

Just as soon as she knows I'm alive.

That's why I've come to you.

I need some brushing up on my dating dos and don'ts.

Ah, gee, Larry. I'm so swamped. Phew.

Maybe you should check a teen magazine.

Well, there's some questions that can't be answered in print.

For example, I've doused myself in two different colognes.

All you need to do is take a whiff and tell me which one

sets your female hide aquiver.

Ew. Ew!

Darryl, make a note. Porcupine musk got the bigger response.

Now, as far as deodorant goes--

Ah, guys!

Could I take a rain check on this?

So long as it's soon.

That bakery gal's got my heart in a half nelson.

Come on, Darryl.

Hello, guys. And doll.

Oh, Michael. I've just been through a nightmare

I don't ever care to re-live.

You've gotta help me.

Name it, Steph.

Help Larry get a girl.

Right. Now name something a mortal could do. [ Laughs ]

Michael, I'm serious. Underneath it all, Larry's nice.

He deserves to be with someone.

And I deserve not to be that someone.

Now, he likes the girl at the bakery. So will you help him?

Please, please, please? Or else?

Oh, Steph, when you threaten like that, I'm putty.

Hola, muchachos.

Excuse me, but are you here on purpose?

Believe me, nobody's more surprised than me. [ Chuckles ]

But I'm here to do you a big favor.

Sorry, but your reputation as a wiseacre

forces us to say, "Sure."

Guys, guys, I'm sincere.

Stephanie asked me to help Larry get his bakery gal.

Oh, now I see who's pulling his strings. Okay. Help away.

All right. Now, why don't you tell me what you plan to do,

and I'll critique.

Well, I figured I'd state my case and, if the mood is right,

invite her for a romp in the nearest bog.

To tell you the truth, Lar, uh,

few '80s gals are into that bog thing.

Really? Well, what if I grease my hair flat and slick,

take her out on a date,

claiming I'm Lorenzo Lamas, then halfway through the evening,

break it to her that I am, in truth, Larry?

Actually, Lar, I hear Lorenzo gets real annoyed

at that kinda thing.

Oh, dear. So I should just burst on the scene as myself.

Well, Larry, in your particular case,

I don't think you wanna go with a visual right off.

Uh, I know, how about, uh, we write her a letter?

Okay. Darryl, fetch our personal stationary.

The one with Snoopy and the little bird.

Ha-- have a seat, Larry.

Okay, great. Now, uh, where shall we start?

Well, seeing as I saw Jolene on her nametag,

I suggest we go with "Dear Miss Jolene."

Eh, better to go with a grabber.

How about, uh, "Hey, there, dream date"?

Well, Darryl likes it, but Darryl doesn't think it's me.

Larry, relationships are hard enough

without getting bogged down in honesty. [ Chuckles ]

"When I first made

peeper-to-peeper contact with you at..."

Where'd you meet her?

Bakery.

"--Casa de Crullers, I said to myself..."

"Twist of fate-a-rama"?

Now, uh, what's left to say?

Um, "I'd like to spend a romantic evening with you

talkin' under the soft blue glow of a sizzling bug zapper."

"Let's do brunch. Call me."

Now, how shall we sign off?

"I like you a lot, and that ain't no joke."

You're kidding.

It's the truth.

Well, I suppose we could get away

with a grain of that in there. [ Chuckles ]

"I like you a lot, and that ain't no joke."

Still needs a capper.

I got it.

Massive hug-a-roonies, your ever-loving Love God, Larry.

Are you sure this kinda talk gets girls?

Cross my aorta.

Oh, honey, great news.

You-- you interpreted your dream all wrong.

It meant something completely different than what you thought.

Dick, be smart. Drop it.

E-- Everything in your dream was something else.

The-- the sesame chicken represented your--

your hunger for attention.

And-- and the lady in-- in the flowered hat, uh,

represented your unresolved differences towards your mother.

And I, of course, was really the idealized male.

What about your Dumbo ears?

J-- Joanna, it was a dream. Don't analyze it to death, okay?

Dick, let me tell you my interpretation.

The sesame chicken was sesame chicken,

the woman in a flowered hat was a woman in a flowered hat,

and you were a wife-ignoring flirt.

Joanna, why don't you just tell me what you want me to do?

I want an apology.

Joanna, that's ridiculous.

I-- I can't apologize

for something I did in a dream.

Well, I wish you'd try.

Last night you chased me with a giant radish.

Oh, how typical!

You know, I-- I've been in other people's dreams,

and I've been fine.

Oh, Stephanie, I've been meaning to ask: do you think Michael

would be interested in going

to the Southern Vermont Hardware Expo?

George, you realize your invitation

contains the word "hardware"?

Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah.

Hi. Hi. Whoa.

Oh, dear. In the throes of ecstasy, I forgot my manners.

Hi. I'm Larry. This is my brother...

I-- I know, Larry. What are you so excited about?

Look, I actually got a reply from my letter to Miss Jolene.

And perfume-soaked to boot. Smell.

You're not going to get me again.

I have to thank you for bendin' Michael to your will

and forcin' him to help me.

Anytime, Larry. What does the letter say?

Well, leavin' out the sweet nothin's, she says

she could tell from my letter

that I was the kinda man she'd like to meet.

That's wonderful.

Your writing must have really gotten to her.

Yeah, I guess so, 'cause--

Uh--oh. The bottom just fell outta Cloud Nine.

What's wrong?

Well, technically, I didn't write the letter.

It was that weird but personable boyfriend of yours.

He stole the girl of my dreams.

And with my own Snoopy stationary, too.

Michael, I sent you over there to help Larry get a girl.

You helped yourself get a girl. You already have a girl.

Who's now mad at you.

Steph, donate those furrows to farmers.

I've been working with him, and I really think I can

make Larry into a reasonable facsimile of the guy

who wrote that letter.

Hola , I'm Larry.

Steph, this is too hard. Can I quit?

I know, even with my cap cocked at a roguish angle.

It's hopeless.

Oh, Larry. It's not hopeless, is it Michael?

No, Steph, we always have evolution working for us.

Besides, looks aren't everything.

Michael.

White lie, Steph.

In my own defense, the color of this sweater

don't do diddly to bring out my eyes.

No. Now, let's not panic. Forget the wardrobe.

Let-- let's put you through a simulated date maneuver.

All right, Steph, now, why don't you help us out here

by taking the part of Jolene?

Wait. Is she stunning?

Well, Miss Jolene's no you, but she's attractive.

Okay. It's a stretch, but I'll try.

Okay, Larry, now picture this.

You're in a bakery, you've taken a number.

Now serving. Larry. Take it away, Lar.

Hi. I'm Larry, and you're Jolene.

Hello.

You're supposed to compliment me now.

Oh. May I say you're looking

as appetizing as a truck-struck weasel.

Larry, you've just compared this earth angel to a dead rodent.

Too mushy?

No, just compare her to something breathtaking;

a-- a sunset, a summer's day, Mercedes leather.

Oh, Michael.

Maybe I could just cut right to the asking-out part.

Uh, would you like to join me

for an evening of dinner, dancing,

and a moonlight romp in the bog?

Yuck.

Larry, I thought we put the kibosh on that bog thing.

I figured moonlight would take the curse off it.

Well, let-- let's face it, Larry, you're--

you're not me.

Thanks for trying, Michael.

Larry, I'm so sorry.

Maybe you could lose yourself in your career.

I think I'll just go home and pour my heart in a dustbin.

Wa-- wa-- wait. Wait a minute, Lar.

We gotta come up with something.

Let's-- let's put our heads together,

while not actually touching,

and see if we can come up with an idea.

Now how 'bout we, uh-- we go over to the bakery?

Uh, I go in, and I-- I break the sad news to her

that I wrote the letter, but that I don't love her.

Then she cries and screams,

and you can zoom and get her on the rebound.

I like it.

Dick. We have to talk.

Jo-- Joanna, let me guess.

You dreamt I was a crazed warthog,

and you're gonna have to shoot me.

I read this dream book of yours,

and I realized there are thousands of ways

to interpret a dream, so I guess I was being a tiny bit--

Insane.

Unfair. From now on, I'm only going to pay attention

to the things that you do when we're both awake.

Honey, I promise the next time I make you mad, it'll be for real.

Aw. Thanks, honey. [ Chuckles ]

Hello. Is this the Stratford Inn?

Uh, ex-- excuse me. Ah!

I'm s-- I'm sorry. You're going to have to leave.

I don't understand.

You have to go before-- before my ears start to flap.

I'm all set to go to the Hardware Expo.

Oh, you finally found someone to go with you, George.

Yeah, Chester's cousin.

Oh. Sounds great.

I don't know what she looks like.

All I know is she'll be wearing a big hat with flowers.

Well, I'm sure she'll be here any minute, George.

Lady! Lady!

That's her.

See the way she grabs up that donut

with the little piece of wax tissue?

Very feminine.

If you say so, Lar.

Hey, now, don't hurt her too bad.

Just enough for me to get her.

Don't worry, Larry. You're talking to Mr. Sensitive.

Hola . Is this, uh, Casa de Crullers?

Oh, it's you. Hi, Larry.

Whoa, before your hopes soar too high,

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to slam the door on your souffl�.

I don't get it.

Oh, well, then, stop tape. I'll rewind and play back.

You don't have to do this.

I laughed plenty at that in the letter.

Laughed at what?

I don't remember taking a stab at any funny bone.

You mean you really talk like that?

Why? Is there a problema ?

Can't you talk like a normal person?

Well, absolutament-- absolut-- sure.

Good Lord.

I thought in that letter you were just trying to be funny.

You know, pretending to be one of those phony kinda guys.

I'm starting to sniff a bad review here.

I knew I should have listened to my mother

and not answered that letter.

I guess, I just couldn't resist that one line.

"Your ever-loving Love God"?

No. "I like you a lot, and that ain't no joke."

You liked that?

It was sincere. And in English.

That line was Cheez Whiz. [ Chuckles ]

I mean, the rest of the letter

was a fine, room-temperature Brie.

I like Cheez Whiz. It's real.

Well, maybe not real, but it's down to earth.

Like the kind of man I'm looking for:

Simple, honest, and I'm sorry, not you.

[ Clears throat ]

Well, that saves me the trouble of breaking your heart.

And luckily for you, I've got just the guy.

He's-- he's the author of that line. He's right outside.

Wait here.

Well, from my point of view,

she seemed to take your heart-stomping pretty well.

She did, didn't she?

Any advice for me before I commence a-- courtin'?

Well, amazingly enough Larry, just--

just go in there and-- and be yourself.

Hi. I'm Larry. I hear we're gonna be datin'.

[ Gasps ]

I knew I chose the wrong cologne.

Play the saddest lonesome song that you have ever heard

Darryl, another hit of milkshake.

Make mine a double.

Women.

Yeah. Can't live with them, can't stuff them in a sack.

Well, don't feel too bad, Larry.

I get a feeling that, uh, Jolene might not have even gone for me.

You don't have to say things just to cheer me up.

No, no, no. I mean it. The woman obviously lacks depth.

I mean, the whole time I was with her,

she didn't even ask me what kind of car I drive.

Women. And I had such high hopes.

I mean, she works with lard. I like lard.

All the signs pointed to it workin'.

I guess I'm just a sucker for a gal in a hair net.

Uh, more vanilla over here, Darryl.

I think Darryl's implying you've had enough.

Well, any woman who didn't like that letter

can only be described in three words: pe-cul-yer.

And I thank the dating deity above for giving me a girl

as normal as my Steph.

Yeah. Imagine her in a hairnet.

Sorry, didn't mean to be fantasizin' about your lady.

[ Chuckles ] Well, this may just be the milkshakes talkin', Lar,

but someday I know you're gonna find the right woman.

And she'll have sisters.

Believe me, Larry.

Someday a woman's gonna walk through that door

and see you and not scream.

Just like in the movies.

You know, Larry, I like you. And that ain't no joke.

Ditto. Hombre .

Meow.