Original subtitles

Somebody's in a good mood.

It's easy when you get mail like this.

Embossed. I'm impressed.

It's no bulk rate.

You're holding an invitation for two to a gala party in New York

being thrown by my publisher

for a few of his best-selling authors, one of whom is moi .

Wow, a party in your honor. I know the way you feel.

I remember the magic night I was named Beaver of the Year.

This-- this is a little different, George.

I know.

You have to share the spotlight. I had it all to myself.

Uh, Ben is flying us first-class,

and we're staying at the Manchester Park Hotel.

Dick, The Manchester Park!

Joanna, you're making a big deal out of a big deal.

[ Laughs ]

And-- and this party may be finally the chance to--

to corner Ben and pitch my idea for my novel.

Well, I can't wait.

A weekend in my favorite city with a cute, cocky novelist?

When do we leave?

Uh, next week.

Dick, we can't go next weekend.

That's when Alice and Barney are coming here from New York.

Honey, a gold invitation overrules a--

a know-it-all salesman and his chatty wife.

Hon, can we just call 'em at home

and-- and tell 'em to stay there.

It's too late. They're on a tour of New England.

All I know is that they're gonna be here next weekend.

Well, hon-- honey, couldn't we leave 'em a note, an apology,

a-- a couple of bucks or something?

O-- okay, I won't go to New York either.

Oh, Dick, you're one of the guests of honor.

You have to go.

Joanna, I don't want any arguments. I'll-- I'll go.

And all I have to figure out is what to do

with that extra plane ticket.

Coffee?

Stephanie, you are not going to New York.

You have used up your vacation days for the next decade.

It's just that the thought of you flying all alone

makes me feel lonely and sad.

No.

Then, I hope you have turbulence.

You know, I've never been to New York in the winter.

Or the spring. Or summer. Or fall.

Oh, George, you'd love it.

Central Park, the skyscrapers, the nightlife.

Gosh, that does sound exciting. But I'd never go there

unless I was with somebody who knew their way around.

George, I'd love to have you come with me, but all--

all I'm gonna do is go to a dull book party with a lot of-- of--

a lot of boring publishing people.

Uh, believe me, you'll have more fun just staying here.

If you say so, Dick.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go outside

and whoop it up hauling wood.

Dick, why don't you wanna take George

to New York with you?

Honey, I'd love to take him to New York,

but I'm going to a very fancy, sophisticated party.

Uh, George just wouldn't fit in.

I'm-- I'm-- I'm protecting him.

I understand. You're a snob.

I am not a snob. I know George.

And, believe me, he'll be much happier staying home.

[ Sighs ]

What do you say, George? You, me, New York?

Wow!

Oh, my God!

Stephanie, are you all right?

No, I snagged my sweater!

Oh.

Well, don't just stand there. Call someone.

Well, it's not exactly a 911 emergency.

Well, you could at least call and let them tell you that.

Stephanie, I'm sorry you've had to work so hard,

but I just want the inn to look nice

for Alice and Barney's arrival today.

Joanna, what have we gained if the inn looks lovely,

but your maid looks like she just took a trip

through fashion hell?

Well, Joanna, do I look like my ticket? First-class?

You look big city to me, George.

I know. I've just been reading up on New York.

I don't know what to do first:

ice skate in Rockefeller Center,

go to the top of the Empire State Building,

or dig the scene down in Greenwich Village.

Oh, I know the greatest Chinese restaurant down in the village.

� New York, New York's a wonderful town �

� The Bronx is up and the Battery... �

...in my watch needs replacing.

Good cover, honey, but I'm okay, believe me.

Well, I'll call when we get to the hotel.

Let's go, George.

My first plane ride.

Gee, I just hope there's the same number of people

on each side so the plane will fly level...

N-- No, George, you see--

I-- I hope so, too, George.

The flight was fine, Joanna,

except George wouldn't let me go to the bathroom

because he was afraid I'd unbalance the plane.

He-- He's out-- He's out taking in the neighborhood.

Yeah, and I'm making a-- a few notes for-- for my novel pitch.

No, I'm-- I'm not worried about George at the party.

I came up with a great idea. He-- he's not going.

Yeah, I bought him a ticket to Cats .

I am not a snob.

Joanna, I went to a lot of trouble for George.

And Cats is sold out.

I-- I had to buy the ticket from some sleazy guy

on-- on the street.

Joanna, come on, you can't tell me you-- you miss sleazy people.

Look, George is-- is gonna have a great time at the play.

Joanna, stop using that word.

Yes, the-- the buildings are still tall.

But-- but they're not gleamy, they're-- they're grimy.

Oh, George-- uh, George just walked in. I'll put him on.

It's-- It's Joanna.

Oh. [ Clears throat ]

Hi, Joanna. Boy, is this a great place.

You should see the buildings gleaming.

Gee, Dick, she's crying.

I'll, uh-- I'll-- I'll see you tomorrow, honey.

Yep. Uh, blow your nose. Bye.

Boy, Dick, this is a great city.

All the cars, the people, it sure is a toddlin' town.

George, I-- I-- I think that's Chicago.

Gee, it sure seemed toddlin'.

Hey, wait 'til you see all the great souvenirs I bought.

Oh, an-- an Empire State Building thermometer.

I-- I'll bet this baby's accurate.

Yeah.

And-- and-- and I bought about a zillion postcards to send.

George, you're in the most exciting city in the world.

You aren't gonna have time to sit down filling out postcards.

Gee, I don't know, Dick.

My friends might get kinda mad if I send 'em out blank.

Oh, and here's the best of all. Tadaa.

"Utley Elected Gotham Mayor."

I could take it to the party,

leave it lying around and just watch the laughter build.

Oh, um, George, uh, about the party.

I-- Well, I got some great news.

You-- you d-- you don't have to go.

I-- I, uh-- I got you a ticket to the, uh,

sold-out Broadway hit Cats .

Cats ! Fifty dollars?

Dick, I can't let you spend 50 dollars on me.

No, no, it's-- it's all right, George.

It didn't cost me anything. It's a--

It's-- it's-- it's a complimentary ticket from--

from my publishing house.

Gee, thanks.

Boy, did I pick a great city to be mayor of or what?

But you will be at that dull party all alone.

I feel kinda guilty.

George, this is New York.

You know, one of us should be having a fun evening.

What a pal.

George, what are you doing? That-- that cost me--

N-- uh, nothing.

I can't let you go to that awful party alone.

You brought me to New York.

Don't worry, Dick.

I'm not going to leave your side all night.

Great.

Poor Joanna.

You've been waiting all day for Alice and Barney,

and they're still not here.

Poor, poor, stood-up Joanna.

Stephanie, Alice and Barney are good friends.

They said they'd be here sometime today and they will be.

Of course they will.

Joanna, you can sit here pitifully hopeful all night long

or you could go out with Michael and me tonight.

Stephanie, that's awfully nice of you.

I think I could explain it to Michael in such a way

that he wouldn't throw much of a tantrum.

Thanks, but I think I'd better stick around here,

pitifully hopeful.

Are you sure you won't change your mind?

I'm sure.

Thank you.

You know, these little hot dogs are even better

than the ones at Beanie Carol's barn warming.

You know, George, I-- I wouldn't blame you

if you left right now

and tried to scotch-tape together that--

that Cats ticket.

I know-- I know I'm having a miserable time.

Mr. Loudon, your books are the best.

Keep up the good work.

It's all I can do to keep from runnin' right outta here.

May I have your attention, please?

I'd like to welcome you

to the 30th anniversary celebration of Kirkwood Press.

And we hope there are many more chapters to come.

Do you get it, Dick?

He's in the book business and he said "chapter".

[ Laughs ]

And now I'd like to introduce

some of the brightest lights in our literary family.

First: our diet author, Dr. Harriet Weston.

[ Applause ]

--our how-to maven, Dick Loudon...

[ Applause ]

[ Whistles ]

--and our favorite poet, Lalow.

[ Applause ]

Lalow will grace us this evening

with a reading from his latest collection.

Running on the beach I notice something odd

The time comes in, the tide goes out

It never stays

Just like my friends

God, I'm lonely.

Thank you.

I'd be embarrassed to come if I was his handyman.

So nice of you to come.

Oh, Ben, good to see you again.

This is, uh-- this is a great party.

Yeah, it's really neat.

People aren't shoving each other to get at the eats.

Is this a friend of yours, Dick?

Yes, yes. Uh, Ben Williams, this is George Utley.

Nice to meet you, George.

[ With mouth full ] Uh--huh. How do you do?

Could I have our three authors over here, please?

I'd like to take some publicity stills. Mr. Loudon?

Oh, go ahead, Dick. I'll take care of your friend.

So, Ben, where are you putting your pits?

Mr. Lalow, smile, please.

This is as happy as I get.

I thought I'd never be able to pull myself out of that

sooty chimney,

but then when the Hawkins kid built that fire,

it gave me the extra oomph to get myself free.

Anything like that ever happen to you, Ben?

Excuse me, George.

Uh, Dick, uh,

you didn't say that, uh, George is your handyman.

Yes. Yes, yes, he is.

George was just telling me about life in Vermont.

Great.

Guess what, Dick?

Ben's family has a summer home near where my grandmother lived.

I remember she loved to paint.

She'd have us pick blueberries,

then she'd crush them to make her water colors.

Nothing caught the summer sky

like my grandmother's blueberry paint.

Homegrown art.

Did you keep any of the paintings, George?

No. We ate every one.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]

So, uh, Dick, George is quite a fellow.

Yes, an interesting combination: handyman, wit.

Oh, you-- you noticed.

Thank you so much for bringing him.

Uh, Ben, can I talk to you for a minute?

Yes, sure.

Yeah, uh, there's something I-- I think you're gonna be

pretty excited about.

I, uh-- I have an idea for a book.

A novel.

You're pitching a novel?

Yeah, I thought now would be the-- the perfect time,

you know, to run it by you.

Dick, I'm very surprised.

I mean,

a lot of yokels think this is where it all happens, but, um,

a literary party is the worst place

to try and pitch an idea for a novel. [ Laughs ]

Excuse me, I-- I'm missing some of George's stories.

So they asked me, "Where does this road go?" and I said,

"The road hasn't moved since I've been here."

[ Laughter ]

Oh, it's about time.

Coming.

Hi. You're not Alice and Barney.

No, ma'am. I'm Larry.

This is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl.

You guys never knock.

It's a funny thing, come 10 o'clock,

no matter how politely we enter,

we get a better reception when we knock.

What can I quickly do for you fellas?

Well, we heard about you being upset

about your fair-weather friends not showin' up,

so we thought we'd come by

and coax them pearly whites out into the open.

To start, let's play a friendly game of Feel and Tell.

I think I'll pass on that one, Larry.

It's just as well.

One touch o' them scales, and you woulda guessed.

I know: starin' game.

We won that one.

Fellas, [ Chuckles ] I appreciate what you're doing,

but I'm just not in the mood to compete tonight.

That's okay.

As a backup, we've prepared a little playlet for you.

So just park it over here on the couch.

And enjoy our version of On The Town,

featurin' Darryl as Gene Kelly

and Darryl as Frank Sinatra and yours truly as Jules Munshin.

So let's follow the adventures

of those three happy-go-lucky sailors

with 24-hour shore leave to see New York and get girls.

[ Hums a speedy tune ]

Taxi!

Well, here we are in the heart of New York City.

Look at all them gleamin' buildings.

I knew you'd like this picture of The Chrysler Building.

Wish you or anyone were here.

Oh, hi, Dick. Thought maybe you'd be asleep.

Who can sleep with all that damn gleam?

I'm sorry you got a headache and couldn't come with us.

Ben really showed me the town.

Yeah, it was really hard to turn down his offer to--

to tag along.

No, he meant it, Dick.

There was plenty of room in the limousine.

If you, uh-- if you don't mind, George,

I think I'll go to sleep.

Okay, Dick.

I'll tell you all about Madison Square Garden

in the morning.

What-- what-- what about Madison Square Garden?

Oh, we caught the last couple minutes of the Knicks game.

Boy, it was so exciting. I even made a basket.

You-- you-- you shot a basket

from the floor of Madison Square Garden?

Yeah. It didn't count, though.

The game was over, and we were just messing around.

After that, we went to an art gallery in Soho,

and guess who was there?

George, there are eight million people in New York City.

Why-- why don't you just tell me?

Woody Allen.

Woody Allen?

You know, the little guy in Bananas ?

I know who he is.

I made him laugh, Dick.

I don't-- I don't believe this.

You were having the time of your life, and I was watching

bridge and tunnel traffic on the 10 o'clock news.

That's why I came back home.

We were all at Sardi's,

but I knew you were stuck back here all by yourself.

I mean, I wouldn't have even gotten to see New York

if it hadn't been for my best friend, Dick.

George, um, I'm not-- I'm not such a great friend. I...

I, um-- I-- I have a confession to make.

Did you break my Empire State Building thermometer?

No. No, George.

Um, I-- I didn't want you to come with me to New York,

this-- this-- this one time.

I, uh-- I-- I was afraid that you wouldn't--

you wouldn't fit in at-- at the party.

And then, you know, you-- you'd be uncomfortable and--

--and they, you know-- they'd be uncomfortable, and-- and maybe,

you know, maybe I might, you know, might even be a little--

a little uncomfortable.

I understand, Dick. You're kind of a snob.

Well, I don't think I'd use that word.

Although everyone else seems to grab onto it.

But-- but, they-- they all loved you.

And-- and even if they hadn't, I--

I mean, I was wrong to worry.

I mean, I w-- I was, uh-- I was a snob.

Boy, Dick, I can't believe it.

I know, George. You must really hate me.

No. How could I hate you for feeling exactly the way I did?

Huh?

Remember the first Beavers meeting I took you to?

I was on pins and needles all night.

I thought you'd embarrass me and say the wrong thing.

A-- And all your worries were for nothing.

Well, the important thing, Dick, is you finally fit in.

Anyway, thanks for inviting me to New York,

even if you were worried.

It's been the greatest night of my life.

I'm-- I'm glad it was, George.

But, you know, I'm feeling a lot-- a lot better now.

After all, we are in the greatest city in the world.

What-- what do you say we get dressed, George,

and we find one of those all-night delis?

Just-- just the two of us?

Gee, after Sardi's, that'd be sort of a letdown.

Good night, Dick.

Good night, George.

What-- what did I say to the Beavers?

I just got off the phone with Alice and Barney.

They were having so much fun up in Maine,

they ran out of time and went right back to New York.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey. You stayed home this whole weekend

and still never got to see Alice and Barney.

It's okay.

I told them we'd see them in New York next weekend.

We-- we can't see 'em next weekend.

I know.

Dick! You're back. I'm glad you're home. So?

So? So what?

So did you bring me a gift?

And you thought I'd forget.

Thank you!

Aw, a sailor hat with an inane tourist saying on it.

Let's see it on.

Okay.