Original subtitles

Stephanie, what are you doing?

Well, since gloomy Old Man Winter is out there,

Michael decided to cheer me up with an indoor picnic.

I'm making the flowers,

and Michael's making the forest creatures.

Well, I-- I'd love to join you two,

but I have this damn reality to deal with.

Stephanie, it's almost 5 o'clock.

Have you dusted the bookcase yet?

Joanna, I was going to,

but as you can see,

those top shelves are awfully high for a true petite.

And I couldn't find the ladder anywhere.

I checked every window in the house,

but I just couldn't find that draft, Stephanie.

Oh. Oh, look.

"Recommended for use by true petites."

Stephanie, I want this bookcase dusted

by the time we get back from shopping.

George.

Now, we'll be back in an hour.

That gives you 55 minutes to put it off.

I don't know why I have to do this.

Anyone stupid enough to look up there in the first place

deserves a face full of dust.

Oh!

Oh!

Now, don't worry, young lady. A broken toe isn't serious.

Of course, uh, you may have to stay off your feet for a while.

Ooh.

You know, uh, you're very lucky

that it was only the second rung of that ladder.

How long will it take to heal?

Oh, about two weeks or so.

Doctor, that "stay off my feet thing,"

could you put that in writing?

[ Chuckles ] Well, she certainly has a sense of humor.

Not-- not really.

Now I just wanna say that I don't blame anyone for this,

especially the obvious choice, Joanna.

Stephanie, I was just trying to get you to do your work.

Well, I hope you think twice before you try that again.

It was my ladder. Why couldn't it have been my toe?

Oh. Doctor, is there anything we should do for Stephanie?

No, just keep the pressure off her foot.

Now, young lady,

you don't be afraid to let other people do things for you.

Yeah, you're--

you're really gonna have to drill that into her.

[ Sobs ]

Oh, muffin.

Michael, it's only a broken toe.

Michael, it was awful.

Joanna forced me to climb this rickety old ladder.

And when I finally got to--

Oh, it must have been the fifth rung,

it broke, and I crashed to the floor.

Dear God. Why?

Excuse me, lambchop, I--

I just have to talk to the doctor. Dick?

Okay, doc, give me the real poop.

I can take it. Will there be any scars?

[ Laughs ] Of course,

her nail may grow in a little crooked for a few weeks.

Oh, my God.

Dick, I expect whoever's responsible

for this heinous crime

be swiftly brought to account.

You're-- you're right, Michael.

I'll have the ladder taken out and destroyed.

I'll do it, Dick.

No, you won't, George. Now, no one or thing is to blame.

That's right, George.

An accident can happen to anyone at any time.

Gee, Dick, that's kind of a scary thought.

You-- you mean this-- this never occurred to you before, George?

No. Wow. We're all a thread away from oblivion.

Honey, what are we gonna do

for the next few weeks without a maid?

We've got lots of reservations.

Well, simple, we'll just hire a-- a temporary maid.

Do you think we can find anybody on such short notice

who can do Stephanie's work?

I don't believe I said that.

Oh, Michael, this is so much fun

and just like a real picnic.

You know Stephanie, even in illness you look as

perfectly as you always do.

I know.

Well, I better get back to work.

Oh, don't worry about that, the new maid will clean it up.

Wow, life is a picnic.

Hi!

I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl

and this my other brother Darryl.

Well, I could stay a bit longer.

That's okay, Michael.

Miss Stephanie, we hear you've been off your feed,

due to a defunct digit.

Well, Darryl here is quite medically adept

and he's always held a special fascination for feet.

Thanks, Larry,

but I think I'll just stick with the doctor I have.

It never hurts to get a second opinion.

I woulda lost my arm once,

but the second doctor just took the splinter out.

Well, I'll just take my chances, Larry.

Okay, but we did bring you a miracle salve

that you yourself can apply to the affected appendage.

Now, despite its tempting aroma,

this is not to be taken internally.

Could it possibly be taken out of my sight?

Okay. Have it your way.

I ain't never seen anyone turn down free Bengay before.

Come on, Darryl. Bossy ain't picky about what we rub on her.

How are you feeling Stephanie?

Just the same as I was when you checked 15 muinutes ago.

Stephanie you never know when an accident might happen.

I brought you these.

Thanks.

I think I like to take a nap now George.

Okay, but rest safely.

Your pillow can become your death mask.

Excuse me, mum? Mind if I tidy up a bit in here?

Not at all, Sylvia. I like to watch other people work.

Oh, mum. Not me. I prefer to do it myself.

Ew. No wonder we beat your country in a war.

Don't forget to clean that up.

Oh, you made this mess?

Oh, I thought it might be one of these little forest creatures.

Before you do that, you might puff up these pillows.

Oh, righto. Oh, yeah, that's exactly what they need.

Mum said no one could puff pillows like me.

I thought I was mum.

No, I'm talking about me mum, mum.

No, she's back home in London.

You know, she's gonna be, what, 75 this month.

Aw. A little fluffier, please.

All right. Here.

Listen, if you don't mind my inquiring,

how did you get that toe?

Oh, I'm sorry. You must be fed up telling people...

I was climbing this enormous ladder,

and I was all the way up to the 10th rung

when suddenly it broke, and I plummeted to earth.

Oh, gee.

Oh, hello, Sylvia.

Oh, hello, madam, sir.

Poor brave girl was just telling me about her frightful accident.

What-- what rung is she up to now?

So, Stephanie, how are you feeling?

We've-- we've seen the doctor's note.

It's going to take me a lot longer than I thought

to recuperate.

It's perfectly all right. There's no rush.

There isn't?

No, no. No rush at all.

Sylvia, I know you've been working very hard,

but if you get the time later,

could you clean the dining room floor?

Oh, it's already done, mum. And waxed.

And the kitchen floor, too.

She's good.

I didn't do the lobby because I ran out of wax.

We're, uh--

we're used to a bottle lasting six, eight months.

Well, it's all right, though.

I swept, mopped and double-buffed.

She's good.

Well, I'd like to chat longer,

but I've got windows to wash,

grout to clean and bowls to scrub.

She's good.

You know, I-- I'm feeling a little better.

Maybe it won't take me as long as I thought to recuperate.

Stephanie, take as long as you need. We're in good hands.

And don't-- don't lose that note.

And now, let's see.

That's two breakfast specials, and you're just gonna have--

I'll be right--

Excuse me, same as yesterday? Right you are.

She's good.

I know, I know.

What a shame we'll have to let her go when--

when Stephanie recovers.

We-- We will have to let her go, right?

Of course.

You know, Stephanie will get better and--

and we'll-- we'll have to-- have to let Sylvia go.

Right?

Right.

I-- I mean, otherwise, we'd have-- we'd have two maids.

You know, one-- one maid... terrific and-- and--

and one-- one maid Stephanie.

Dick, you're not thinking of replacing Stephanie?

Oh, no, it never-- never-- never crossed my mind.

Besides, you know, after a while,

Sylvia will probably start to slow down a little bit.

[ Hums ]

And then she'll only be 100 times better than Stephanie.

Morning, Dick, Joanna.

Well, it's a big agenda for today.

First, I've gotta make sure all those stairs

are completely secure.

Next, I've gotta put non-skid rubber mats

in every bathtub, and I've got--

Dick, it's really better to take smaller bites.

George, I-- I think I know how to eat.

I've been doing it all my life.

And we want that to continue, don't we, Dick?

They say you should chew each bite 25 times

before you swallow.

George, this is oatmeal.

I know, but who's to say there isn't a lump

with your name on it?

George, I like living on the edge.

George, don't you think you're overreacting

to Stephanie's accident just a little bit?

I just wish someone had been overreacting to that ladder.

Dick, that coffee could be scalding hot

you should blow on it.

George, I'm an adult I know how to drink coffee.

[ Sighs ]

Good coffee.

Stephanie, you made it to breakfast this morning.

Not yet, she hasn't.

Want me to carry you, Stephanie?

Thanks, George,

but I have to get used to living with my handicap.

I think we have a movie of the week in the making.

Here, sit in my chair. It seems pretty safe.

It's nice to see you downstairs, Stephanie.

Sure. I bet you really missed me.

We did. Right, Dick?

Right. Right.

I mean, believe me, things haven't--

haven't been the same without you.

You look a lot happier than you do when I'm serving breakfast.

That's ridiculous. We're not happier.

Are we, Dick?

[ Laughing ] No.

So where is Miss Perfect, anyway?

Look, Stephanie, Sylvia makes mistakes just like anybody else.

Name one mistake she made.

Well, she, um-- she kind of dropped a plate of eggs, before.

Oh. She made a big mess.

Well, actually, she caught the plate just--

just before it hit the floor.

Well, now, is everything all right, everybody?

[ Applause ]

Hey, Steph. Is, uh--

is that little toe still black and blue and cute all over?

Michael, I'm going to be replaced by a foreign person.

Steph, if you could take a second injury,

I'd say "Bite your tongue."

No one could replace you.

Michael, the woman's a dynamo.

In one day she dusted all the rooms, cleaned the floors,

and washed the windows.

And I had Dick and Joanna convinced

it takes a month to do all that.

Well, Steph, relax. I, uh--

I think I know Dick and Joanna pretty well.

And they'll never dump my dumpling.

Michael, today in the dining room,

the guests applauded Sylvia.

You're history, Steph.

Oh, Michael.

Think of it. My cupcake being replaced by a crumpet.

Here, dearie. I thought you might like a nice cup of tea.

Oh, and I finished your shirts, sir.

Michael!

But, Steph, my colors never looked so vibrant.

Now, look, miss, you drink your tea.

At home, I really used to look forward to tea time.

At home? That's way over in England, right?

London.

Oh, London's wonderful. Don't you miss the Queen?

Well, when I was there,

we didn't get to see a lot of each other.

But what about Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, the pubs?

� A foggy day in London Town had me low, had me down �

Shopping at Harrod's while the stupid tourists

are at Westminster Abbey looking at dead people.

�The British Museum had lost its charm �

Well, actually, I don't miss London all that much.

Not even your mom?

Oh, me mum, mum?

Oh, yeah, well, it would be nice

to see that bright chipper smile again.

� "M" is for the many things she gave me �

Do you know, I haven't seen her in six years.

She keeps writing, you know, wishing I'd visit.

� O is for the other times she tried �

Oh, Michael. Stop, stop, stop! I can't do it.

Look, Sylvia, stay here and work and save your money

and bring your dear mother over and show her the States.

That is a wonderful idea, Stephanie.

Oh, thank you. Now you finish your tea.

Ta-ta.

Steph, what gives? We had her.

The British were going! The British were going!

I just couldn't do it, Michael.

She doesn't play fair. She's nice.

Well, Steph, she may have you in that department,

but you're got in, uh--

No, she's got you in that department, too.

Michael, do you think I could be a good maid?

You mean one that actually does work?

Yes. I mean, if I really, really, really tried?

Do you want me to say yes, Steph?

Oh, yes!

I'll show them. I'll clean and I'll scrub.

And I'll make this place shine like never before.

That's my little Hazel.

Out of my way, Michael.

Oh, my God. I'm fighting to keep a job I hate.

[ Hums ]

She's good.

What?

I said I'm feeling much better,

and I'm going to make this room sparkle like never before.

Wh-- what?

Well, Stephanie, that's nice of you,

but I don't think this or any room needs to be cleaned.

That's because you don't have the eye

of a professional like me.

Trust me, Joanna, there's work to be done here.

Well, go ahead.

The woman's sick.

Ah.

[ Paper crumples ]

I don't need your charity.

Okay, okay, okay!

Why don't you just come right out and tell me I'm fired?

Look, I'll admit it. She's better than me.

She's better than Mary Poppins.

Stephanie, calm down.

Stephanie, we-- we're not firing you.

We hired Sylvia as a temporary replacement,

and when you're ready to return to work, then Sylvia

and most of this shine will leave.

Really?

Really.

Oh. Well, if I'm not as good as her, why are you keeping me?

Uh, honey?

We're keeping you because you're our regular housekeeper.

Oh. Well, I don't want you to keep me out of pity. Are you?

Uh, honey?

Stephanie, we would never keep you out of pity.

This is a family inn, and you are part of our family.

You mean I'm sort of like a daughter?

Sort-- sort-- sort of.

And so you love me?

You're-- you're sort of like a daughter.

Oh, Dick. Joanna.

That's one of the nicest things anybody ever said to me.

You've made me very happy.

What just happened here?

I-- I think we just got rid of a great maid

and adopted Stephanie.

Dick, you should hold on to the railing.

George, once and for all,

you can't spend your entire life worrying

about an accident that might happen.

You're-- you're making my life longer, but I'm hating it.

All right, Dick. I'll do it for you.

From now on,

I'm just going to live my life

and hope everything will be fine.

[ Whistles ]

What was that?

The an-- the antlers fell and almost killed me.

You nut! [ Laughs ]

Well, I'm on my way, folks. Ooh, could I rehang that for you?

No. I'd better get used to my old way of life.

Oh, it is good to see you all well again, mum.

I wanna thank you for being so nice to me, Sylvia.

Oh, it's my pleasure, mum.

Would you like me to show you a trick to get that shinier?

No.

Well, uh, we're sorry to see you go,

but I'm sure you'll find other work soon,

you being perfect and all.

Thank you, sir. Well, good-bye.

Good-bye, Sylvia, and thanks again for everything.

All right.

Dick, she was good.

Bye!

Bye.

Bye.

Has the taxi pulled away?

Yes.

You know, we still have her phone number.

Meow.