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1
00:00:02,035 --> 00:00:05,036
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:47,014 --> 00:00:50,015
( music playing )
3
00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:58,423
- HONEY, YOU WANT TO SEE
A BLAST FROM THE PAST?
4
00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:00,424
- "PANEL IT PERFECT."
5
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:04,863
OH, DICK, I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS
IN 15 YEARS.
6
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,766
- NO, I JUST WROTE IT.
7
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,868
- THIS IS THE BLAST
FROM THE PAST.
8
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,270
- "WRITTEN BY
DWIGHT SCHMIDLAPP."
9
00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:13,537
AW.
10
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:14,905
- I DON'T GET IT, DICK.
11
00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:16,708
- OH, THAT WAS THE PEN NAME
DICK USED
12
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,442
WHEN HE WAS WRITING
HIS FIRST BOOK.
13
00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:20,611
- SO THAT'S YOUR FIRST BOOK.
14
00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:21,980
AW.
15
00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:25,750
- NO, NO, I JUST WROTE THIS.
16
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,385
- YOU SEE, GEORGE,
15 YEARS AGO,
17
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,521
WHEN DICK WAS STILL WORKING
AT THE AD AGENCY,
18
00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:31,255
HE USED TO PUT
"DWIGHT SCHMIDLAPP"
19
00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:33,057
ON HIS MANUSCRIPTS
SO NO ONE WOULD KNOW
20
00:01:33,092 --> 00:01:34,726
HE WAS WRITING ON THE SIDE.
21
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,729
- SO IT TOOK YOU 15 YEARS
TO WRITE THAT?
22
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:42,500
- NO, I JUST WROTE THIS, GEORGE.
23
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,403
LOOK, SEE, I PUT
"DWIGHT SCHMIDLAPP" ON IT
24
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:46,938
BECAUSE I THOUGHT
BARNEY, MY PUBLISHER,
25
00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:49,607
WOULD GET A KICK
OUT OF SEEING THE NAME AGAIN.
26
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,943
- OH.
27
00:01:51,978 --> 00:01:55,046
I HOPE HE GETS THE KICK
OUT OF IT I DID, DICK.
28
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:07,191
- OH, MY, ISN'T THIS
A BEAUTIFUL PLACE.
29
00:02:07,226 --> 00:02:08,860
- THANK YOU,
WE'RE VERY PROUD OF--
30
00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:10,128
- WHAT ARE YOUR RATES?
31
00:02:11,198 --> 00:02:13,998
- A ROOM FOR THREE
IS $50 A NIGHT.
32
00:02:14,033 --> 00:02:16,801
- REALLY? DOES THAT INCLUDE
THE REDUCED RATE FOR CHILDREN?
33
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:18,736
- THAT'S ONLY FOR KIDS UNDER 5.
34
00:02:18,771 --> 00:02:21,105
- BRIAN, TELL THESE NICE PEOPLE
35
00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:24,141
HOW OLD YOU'RE GOING TO BE
NEXT MONTH.
36
00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:25,176
- FIVE.
37
00:02:27,513 --> 00:02:29,480
- MAYBE LITTLE BRIAN
WOULD LIKE TO TELL US
38
00:02:29,515 --> 00:02:31,015
WHAT YEAR HE WAS BORN.
39
00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:34,752
- ABOUT FIVE YEARS AGO.
40
00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:37,455
- ON THE BUTTON.
41
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,557
PRE-SCHOOL'S
REALLY PAYING OFF.
42
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:44,863
- WELL, WITH THE TODDLER RATE,
THAT WOULD BE $45.
43
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:46,831
- AND DON'T YOU KNOCK OFF
A FEW BUCKS
44
00:02:46,866 --> 00:02:48,065
FOR REPEAT CUSTOMERS?
45
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:49,200
- WE'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE.
46
00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:51,369
- YEAH, BUT WE'RE
COMING BACK NEXT YEAR.
47
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,405
- $45.
48
00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:55,974
- WE'LL TAKE IT.
49
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,808
- GEORGE, WOULD YOU HELP
WITH THE BAGS?
50
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,043
- SURE.
51
00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:03,081
- OH, IS IT CUSTOMARY TO TIP
THE HELP AT THESE COUNTRY INNS?
52
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,249
- YES, IT IS.
Male guest: NO, NO, NO,
53
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,616
GET AWAY FROM THOSE.
54
00:03:08,187 --> 00:03:11,155
( music playing )
55
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:16,560
- REFILLS ARE FREE, RIGHT?
56
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:17,562
- THAT'S RIGHT.
57
00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:18,663
- I MEANT ON EGGS.
58
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,068
- WE HAVE A BOTTOMLESS
CUP OF COFFEE,
59
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,103
NOT A BOTTOMLESS CHICKEN.
60
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:28,973
- WELL, DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD FIND US
61
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:32,010
SOME MORE OF THOSE DELICIOUS
BLUEBERRY MUFFINS?
62
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,111
- TRY CHECKING YOUR PURSE.
63
00:03:40,019 --> 00:03:40,985
- MORNING, HONEY.
64
00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:42,320
- THEY REJECTED MY BOOK.
65
00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:43,488
- WHAT?
66
00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:45,156
BARNEY HELPON
WOULD NEVER DO THAT.
67
00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:46,824
- BARNEY NEVER SAW IT.
68
00:03:46,859 --> 00:03:49,294
- SOMEBODY DIDN'T RECOGNIZE
THE NAME "SCHMIDLAPP"
69
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:52,163
AND GAVE IT
TO SOME KID ASSISTANT EDITOR
70
00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:55,866
WHO'S STILL IN DIAPERS
WHO MISTOOK IT FOR DOODY.
71
00:03:59,038 --> 00:04:01,106
- "GOOD WORK FOR A BEGINNER.
72
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:04,075
"SHOWS SOME PROMISE.
73
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:07,078
"SOMEDAY,
MIGHT JUST PUBLISH SOMETHING."
74
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:09,214
THAT'S VERY ENCOURAGING, DICK.
75
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:13,084
- GEORGE,
I'M A PROFESSIONAL WRITER.
76
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,253
I'VE BEEN PUBLISHING BOOKS
FOR 15 YEARS.
77
00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:16,387
- WHOA.
78
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:18,723
THEN HE REALLY LAYS INTO YOU,
DOESN'T HE?
79
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,526
- OOH, DICK, REJECTED.
THAT'S SO AWFUL.
80
00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:23,795
DID I GET ANY MAIL?
81
00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:28,066
- DICK, WHY DON'T YOU JUST
PUT YOUR REAL NAME
82
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,567
ON THE MANUSCRIPT,
SEND IT TO BARNEY
83
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:30,535
AND HE'LL PUBLISH IT.
84
00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:33,104
- NO, NO, THIS IS THE LAST
85
00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:35,239
IN A LONG SERIES OF SCREW UPS.
86
00:04:35,274 --> 00:04:36,440
THE COMPANY
HAS GOTTEN TOO BIG.
87
00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:38,509
REMEMBER LAST YEAR
WHEN THEY STOPPED SENDING ME
88
00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:40,144
MY ROYALTY CHECKS
BECAUSE THEY SAID
89
00:04:40,179 --> 00:04:42,080
THE RECORDS
INDICATED THAT I WAS DEAD?
90
00:04:43,082 --> 00:04:45,550
- WELL, THEY DID SEND
A BEAUTIFUL WREATH.
91
00:04:47,119 --> 00:04:49,887
- YEAH, "IN LOVING MEMORY
OF DINK LOUDON."
92
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:52,891
THIS IS THE LAST STRAW.
93
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,024
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
94
00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:55,126
- ME? NOTHING.
95
00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:57,395
BUT DWIGHT SCHMIDLAPP
IS GONNA PUBLISH HIS BOOK
96
00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:58,596
WITH ANOTHER FIRM.
97
00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,964
MAYBE BARNEY WILL WAKE UP.
98
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,534
C'MON, DWIGHT, I'LL TEACH YOU
THE TRICKS OF THE WRITING GAME.
99
00:05:03,569 --> 00:05:05,169
- GOSH, MR. LOUDON, THANKS.
100
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:09,874
( music playing )
101
00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:14,813
- MAIL CALL FOR
DWIGHT SCHMIDLAPP.
102
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,313
- YO.
103
00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:17,415
- LOOK AT THIS.
104
00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:19,617
THREE RESPONSES
FROM PUBLISHERS.
105
00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:21,519
- AH, FANTASTIC.
106
00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:23,220
AND THE ANSWER IS,
107
00:05:25,057 --> 00:05:26,958
"WE'RE BUYING YOUR BOOK."
108
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,761
- WE'RE BUYING YOUR BOOK.
109
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:36,367
- AND THE QUESTION IS,
110
00:05:36,402 --> 00:05:38,703
"WHAT DOES IT NOT SAY
IN THIS LETTER?"
111
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:41,038
- THEY REJECTED IT?
112
00:05:41,073 --> 00:05:42,373
- HONEY, DON'T WORRY,
THERE'S ALWAYS
113
00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,509
ONE OR TWO PUBLISHERS
OUT THERE
114
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:46,243
WHO DON'T KNOW
WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
115
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:49,213
AND THERE'S THE OTHER ONE.
116
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:53,751
- DICK, FORGET THOSE.
117
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,386
LISTEN TO THIS.
118
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:56,721
"DEAR MR. SCHMIDLAPP,
119
00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:59,657
"WE AT ROY'S BOOKS
ADMIRE YOUR WRITING.
120
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,492
"WE WOULD BE HONORED
TO PLACE YOUR BOOK
121
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,428
"ON OUR LIST OF
PUBLISHED WORKS."
122
00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:07,632
- FINALLY,
A COMPANY WITH TASTE.
123
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:12,136
"PLEASE REMIT $2,000
124
00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:13,571
"AND BE THE FIRST ONE
ON YOUR BLOCK
125
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:17,942
"TO HAVE YOUR NAME
ON AN ACTUAL PUBLISHED BOOK."
126
00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:20,445
Joanna:
OH, HONEY, I'M SO SORRY.
127
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,646
- HI, ALL. WHAT'S UP?
TROUBS IN PARADISE?
128
00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:25,249
- DICK'S HAD A BOOK REJECTED.
129
00:06:25,284 --> 00:06:26,317
- WHAT WAS IT, DICK?
130
00:06:26,352 --> 00:06:28,319
THREE OR FOUR TIMES?
131
00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:34,826
- CLEAN YOUR SPECTACLES, FOLKS,
THIS ISN'T ADDRESSED TO DICK.
132
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:37,061
IT'S ADDRESSED TO THIS
POOR SCHLUB, SCHMIDLAPP.
133
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,632
MUST BE A REAL GOON TO HAVE
A "HOW-TO" BOOK REJECTED.
134
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:41,699
( laughing )
135
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:46,870
- "SCHMIDLAPP" IS MY PEN NAME.
136
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:47,972
- REALLY?
137
00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:49,207
HOW DID YOU GO ABOUT
CHOOSING THAT NAME?
138
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:52,610
IT'S TOO LATE TO GET OUT
OF THIS, ISN'T IT, DICK?
139
00:06:52,645 --> 00:06:53,678
- YEAH.
140
00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:55,513
- DICK, JUST SUBMIT THE BOOK
WITH YOUR OWN NAME
141
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,248
AND IT'LL SELL IMMEDIATELY.
142
00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:58,649
- IS THIS TRUE, DICK?
143
00:06:58,685 --> 00:07:00,251
- OF COURSE IT IS.
144
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,486
- WHOA!
145
00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:05,123
YOU HAVE ACHIEVED SOMETHING
MOST AMERICANS ONLY DREAM OF.
146
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,757
- WHAT MASSIVE REJECTION?
147
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:10,595
- NO, YOU HAVE ARRIVED.
148
00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:13,097
YOU CAN PUT YOUR NAME
ON ANY PIECE OF CRUD,
149
00:07:13,132 --> 00:07:15,300
( laughing )
AND IT'LL SELL.
150
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,936
YOU DON'T HAVE TO STRIVE
FOR QUALITY ANYMORE.
151
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,604
( laughing )
152
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,007
I ENVY YOU, COMPADRE,
YOU CAN COAST.
153
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:25,342
- I'M NOT COASTING.
154
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:27,979
THIS BOOK IS AS GOOD AS
ANYTHING I'VE EVER WRITTEN.
155
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,414
THERE'S WRITING IN HERE
I WOULD STACK UP AGAINST
156
00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:33,083
HEMINGWAY OR PROUST.
157
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:38,389
WELL, YOU KNOW,
MAYBE NOT THIS SENTENCE.
158
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:45,329
ACTUALLY, PROUST MIGHT HAVE ME
ON THE WHOLE PARAGRAPH.
159
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,534
HOW COULD I LET THIS GET BY?
160
00:07:50,569 --> 00:07:54,138
( music playing )
161
00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:57,074
- DICK, YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE
THREE HOURS.
162
00:07:57,109 --> 00:07:58,176
IS EVERYTHING--
- HONEY, HONEY,
163
00:07:58,211 --> 00:07:59,577
WATCH OUT,
YOU'RE STEPPING ON CHAPTER 5.
164
00:08:00,846 --> 00:08:03,447
ACTUALLY, GO AHEAD.
165
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,116
- HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
166
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:08,185
- I FOUND A COUPLE OF WEAK SPOTS
IN THE BOOK.
167
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:09,820
- A COUPLE?
168
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:12,223
- YEAH, THE FIRST HALF.
169
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,060
AND THE SECOND HALF.
170
00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:24,202
"USE HIGH-GRADE PANELING ONLY."
171
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:28,672
"ONLY USE HIGH-GRADE--"
172
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:30,841
NO.
173
00:08:30,876 --> 00:08:36,714
"USE ONLY HIGH-GRADE
PANELING."
174
00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:38,949
GOD, THERE'S NO WAY TO SAY THIS.
175
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:43,120
- DICK, YOU'RE NOT TAKING
THOSE REJECTIONS SERIOUSLY?
176
00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:44,321
- HONEY, MICHAEL WAS RIGHT.
177
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:47,025
I'VE BEEN COASTING ON MY NAME
FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG.
178
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:50,261
I MEAN, FOUR RESPECTED
PROFESSIONALS LOOK AT MY WORK
179
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:51,328
WITHOUT KNOWING IT'S MINE
180
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:54,866
AND THEY ALL COME
TO THE SAME UNBIASED OPINION.
181
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:56,467
IT SUCKS SWAMP WATER.
182
00:08:58,571 --> 00:08:59,704
- NOW, COME ON, DICK,
183
00:08:59,739 --> 00:09:02,239
ONLY ONE OF THEM
ACTUALLY USED THOSE WORDS.
184
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,877
- DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND,
HONEY, I'M A WRITER.
185
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:08,112
THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER
WANTED TO BE,
186
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:13,117
TO TAKE WORDS
AND STRING THEM LIKE PEARLS
187
00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:19,656
INTO A GIANT NECKLACE
OF COMMUNICATION.
188
00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:21,525
GOD I STINK AT THIS.
189
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:25,863
( music playing )
190
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:32,970
- 8-BALL, KISS OFF THE 14.
191
00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:34,739
- IT'S A ONE-IN-A-MILLION SHOT.
192
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:40,611
- TELL THAT TO THE 8-BALL.
193
00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:44,715
- YOU WIN. AGAIN.
194
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:46,484
LOOKS LIKE I OWE YOU
ANOTHER DRINK.
195
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:49,353
- DON'T FEEL TOO BAD,
YOU ONLY MADE ONE MISTAKE.
196
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,755
YOU PLAYED ME.
197
00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:57,194
- HEY, A WOMAN.
198
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,431
- THERE YOU ARE.
199
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:01,599
- HOW'D YOU FIND ME?
200
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:03,367
- YOU WERE FEELING
DOWN IN THE DUMPS
201
00:10:03,402 --> 00:10:05,202
SO I CHECKED ALL THE DUMPS.
202
00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:08,373
- REAL LOOKER, HUH?
203
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,107
FIGURED SHE'D GO ON
TO SCHMIDLAPP.
204
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,077
- SCHMIDLAPP?
205
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:15,345
- JOANNA, GIMME A BREAK.
206
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:19,583
IN THE PUBLISHING WORLD,
SCHMIDLAPP IS DOG MEAT.
207
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,853
HERE, I'M KING OF ALL I SURVEY.
208
00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:25,789
- IS THIS WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING
THE LAST FOUR DAYS,
209
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:26,991
SHOOTING POOL?
210
00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:28,659
- THERE'S A LOT MORE TO DO
THAN THAT.
211
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:33,764
I'VE BEEN HOISTING
A FEW, EATING PICKLED EGGS,
212
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:36,567
SWAPPING STORIES--
213
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:38,802
- SO THIS MUST BE ROSALITA, HUH?
214
00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:44,675
- SI.
215
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,947
- ROSALITA, I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET MY PALS,
216
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,316
SNAKE AND WILD MEL.
217
00:10:52,351 --> 00:10:55,986
- HERE YOU GO, DWIGHT,
YOUR USUAL.
218
00:10:56,021 --> 00:10:57,888
- BOY, CAN I USE THIS.
219
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,927
- AGHH!
220
00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:04,728
- WHAT'S WITH THAT LIMEADE
ANYWAY?
221
00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:09,700
- MY DOCTOR SAID "GIVE UP
THAT QUART OF TEQUILA EVERYDAY
222
00:11:09,735 --> 00:11:11,936
"OR KISS YOUR LIVER GOODBYE."
223
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:15,773
- MAYBE I'LL TRY
ONE OF THEM LIMEADES.
224
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:18,943
- DICK, I'VE READ
YOUR BOOK AGAIN.
225
00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:20,044
IT'S WONDERFUL.
226
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:21,378
- IT'S YOUR SHOT, DWIGHT.
227
00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:23,947
- EXCUSE ME, I'VE GOT TO
FILL SOME POCKETS.
228
00:11:31,457 --> 00:11:34,191
- AHH, A BEHIND-THE-BACK SHOT.
229
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,994
- HE KNOWS 100 WAYS
TO HUMILIATE US.
230
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:41,299
- 101.
231
00:11:42,401 --> 00:11:45,035
- WHERE DID YOU LEARN
TO PLAY POOL LIKE THAT?
232
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:46,470
- BARCELONA.
233
00:11:48,474 --> 00:11:49,740
AND YOU TAUGHT ME.
234
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:52,977
- WE HAVE TO TALK.
235
00:11:53,012 --> 00:11:54,879
- NOT NOW, ROSALITA.
236
00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:59,116
- DICK, TALK TO ME
OR I TELL SNAKE AND WILD MEL
237
00:11:59,151 --> 00:12:02,252
THAT YOU ARE THE AUTHOR OF
"MAKING MONEY RAISING BUNNIES."
238
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,026
- HEY, WILD MAN,
239
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,028
FILL IN FOR ME.
240
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,029
- WOW.
241
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:14,164
DWIGHT'S LETTING YOU
USE HIS CUE.
242
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,737
- DICK, WHAT WOULD IT TAKE
TO CONVINCE YOU
243
00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:21,571
THAT YOU HAVEN'T
LOST YOUR TALENT?
244
00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:25,376
- FOR "PANEL IT PERFECT" TO SELL
WITHOUT THE NAME "DICK LOUDON"
245
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:28,212
AND WIN THE PULITZER PRIZE
246
00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:32,516
AND BE MADE INTO A MOVIE
STARRING MERYL STREEP.
247
00:12:35,654 --> 00:12:37,388
LET'S FACE IT, HONEY,
DWIGHT'S BEEN REJECTED
248
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,789
BY EVERYBODY IN THE BUSINESS.
249
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:39,856
- NOT EVERYBODY.
250
00:12:39,892 --> 00:12:40,957
FOUR JUNIOR EDITORS,
251
00:12:40,993 --> 00:12:42,894
AND WHO SAYS THEY KNOW
WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT?
252
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:43,928
DIDN'T A CRITIC SAY
253
00:12:43,963 --> 00:12:46,196
"OKLAHOMA"
WOULD ONLY RUN A WEEK?
254
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:49,066
DIDN'T A MOVIE TALENT SCOUT
SAY ABOUT FRED ASTAIRE,
255
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:53,037
"BALD, CAN'T ACT,
CAN DANCE A LITTLE"?
256
00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:53,971
- WELL, YEAH.
257
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:55,873
AND DIDN'T A YOUNG WRITER
NAMED "LOUDON"
258
00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:59,309
GET REJECTED BY 14 PUBLISHERS
BEFORE HE FINALLY BROKE IN?
259
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:00,978
- YEAH,
BUT I WAS DIFFERENT THEN.
260
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:01,979
I WAS YOUNG.
261
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,915
I WAS MORE AMBITIOUS.
262
00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:06,818
I WAS NAMED DICK.
263
00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:09,019
- AND DICK WANTED TO WRITE
264
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:10,821
MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE
IN HIS LIFE.
265
00:13:10,823 --> 00:13:13,424
AND HE WASN'T A QUITTER.
266
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:16,727
BUT MAYBE DWIGHT SCHMIDLAPP
IS MADE OF DIFFERENT STUFF.
267
00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:19,163
MAYBE HE ISN'T THE MAN
DICK LOUDON IS.
268
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,366
- YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR NOW.
269
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:26,470
DWIGHT MAY BE A LOT OF THINGS
BUT HE'S NOT A QUITTER.
270
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:30,107
AGHH.
271
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:36,213
- FELLAS, I'M GATHERING MOSS.
272
00:13:38,951 --> 00:13:40,217
IT'S TIME TO ROLL.
273
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:42,586
NICE MEETING YOU.
274
00:13:42,621 --> 00:13:45,423
- BUT DWIGHT, I THOUGHT WE WERE
ALL GOING TO LATIN AMERICA
275
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:46,757
TO BE MERCENARIES?
276
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:48,258
- I'LL BE WITH YOU IN SPIRIT.
277
00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:50,160
- IT'S NOT GONNA STOP
A LOT OF BULLETS.
278
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:00,337
- LATER.
279
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,006
( music playing )
280
00:14:03,609 --> 00:14:04,741
� ALL WE NEED �
281
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:07,545
� IS A DARK COLD NIGHT �
282
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:12,283
( music playing )
283
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,018
- HI.
284
00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:17,254
- HOW'D IT GO IN NEW YORK?
285
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,923
- PRETTY GOOD.
I FOUND SOME NEW RESTAURANTS
286
00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:21,759
AND FINALLY GOT TO SEE "CATS."
287
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,429
- DICK, WHAT ABOUT THE BOOK?
288
00:14:25,464 --> 00:14:26,663
- YOU KNOW, IT'S INTERESTING
289
00:14:26,698 --> 00:14:30,401
HOW PUBLISHING HOUSES
REACT TO PERSISTENCE.
290
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:33,738
I THINK THE PHRASE
I HEARD MOST OFTEN WAS
291
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:35,539
"SECURITY'S ON ITS WAY."
292
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,443
- OH, DICK, NOBODY BOUGHT IT?
293
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:41,145
- DON'T COUNT DWIGHT OUT YET.
294
00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:43,013
DID ANY MAIL COME FOR HIM
WHILE I WAS AWAY?
295
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:45,416
- THERE IS SOMETHING
FROM STOCKBRIDGE & SONS.
296
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:46,583
- OH, TERRIFIC.
297
00:14:46,618 --> 00:14:48,885
I KNEW THAT GAMBIT
WOULD PAY OFF.
298
00:14:48,921 --> 00:14:51,855
I SORT OF COZIED UP
TO THE CLEANING LADY.
299
00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:55,192
SHE PROMISED SHE'D GET
MY MANUSCRIPT TO THE HEAD MAN.
300
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:58,261
"DEAR MR. SCHMIDLAPP,
301
00:14:58,297 --> 00:15:01,632
"SORRY I NO GIVE BOOK
TO MR. STOCKBRIDGE.
302
00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:07,505
"I READ AND ME NO LIKE."
303
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:14,711
- THANK YOU.
EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT.
304
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:15,746
GOODBYE.
305
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:20,050
- I HOPE YOU REALIZE
I DID MY BEST
306
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:22,686
TO MAKE YOUR STAY
AS PLEASANT AS POSSIBLE
307
00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:27,224
AND I JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT
YOU APPRECIATE ALL I'VE DONE.
308
00:15:28,493 --> 00:15:29,593
- YOU WERE FINE.
309
00:15:29,628 --> 00:15:32,696
- WELL, SURELY YOU CAN
EXPRESS THAT ANOTHER WAY.
310
00:15:33,732 --> 00:15:36,033
- YOU WERE GREAT.
311
00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:37,734
- AM I GETTING A TIP OR WHAT?
312
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:51,348
- OH WELL, LET'S SEE, TWO WEEKS,
THREE PEOPLE, WHAT THE HECK.
313
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:55,886
- MR. VAN CLEVE,
314
00:15:55,921 --> 00:15:59,456
DO YOU WANT ME TO KEEP
THIS WHOLE DOLLAR FOR MYSELF
315
00:15:59,491 --> 00:16:02,392
OR DISTRIBUTE IT
AMONG ALL THE HELP?
316
00:16:02,427 --> 00:16:05,462
- NO, NO, THAT'S FOR EVERYONE.
317
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:06,797
- WOW.
318
00:16:06,832 --> 00:16:09,099
THIS IS MORE THAN I DESERVE.
319
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,801
I'LL GO OUTSIDE
320
00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:13,470
AND SEE IF YOU HAVE AIR
IN YOUR TIRES.
321
00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:15,072
- STEPHANIE.
322
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:17,340
- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
323
00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:20,611
- I'LL GET YOUR BILL.
324
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:21,845
- OH, DON'T BOTHER.
325
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,181
I'VE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF
ADDING UP THE FIGURES MYSELF.
326
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:28,085
- $98 FOR 14 DAYS?
327
00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:30,921
IT SHOULD BE OVER $600.
328
00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:32,990
- TRUE, BUT WE WERE
ACTUALLY IN THE ROOM
329
00:16:33,025 --> 00:16:34,558
ONLY A FEW HOURS A DAY.
330
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:36,794
- HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
331
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,896
- WELL, AS LONG AS
I'M QUITTING WRITING,
332
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:41,098
I TOOK SOME MEASUREMENTS
IN THERE
333
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:42,799
AND THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM
FOR A JUKEBOX,
334
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,501
A POOL TABLE
AND SOME LOW LIFES.
335
00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:47,404
- DICK, YOU CAN'T QUIT WRITING.
336
00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:48,739
- OH, ARE YOU A WRITER?
337
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:50,340
- NOT REALLY.
YOU CAN'T BE A WRITER
338
00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:51,408
IF YOU CAN'T GET PUBLISHED.
339
00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:52,509
- WE KNOW A PUBLISHER.
340
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:55,379
- YOU DO?
341
00:16:55,414 --> 00:16:57,347
- YEAH, HE'S MY BROTHER-IN-LAW
JAKE'S BEST FRIEND.
342
00:16:57,383 --> 00:16:59,382
HERE'S WHERE HE WORKS.
343
00:16:59,418 --> 00:17:02,286
JUST BE SURE TO TELL HIM
JAKE SENT YOU.
344
00:17:02,321 --> 00:17:03,687
- GOOD OLD JAKE.
345
00:17:03,722 --> 00:17:05,322
- HUH, DON'T KID YOURSELF.
346
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:06,624
HE'S A TIGHTWAD.
347
00:17:09,128 --> 00:17:11,595
- NOW IF WE CAN JUST
SETTLE THIS BILL.
348
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:12,730
- WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
349
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,665
- THE VAN CLEVES DON'T
WANT TO PAY FOR THE TIME
350
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:15,865
THEY WEREN'T IN THE ROOM.
351
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:18,402
- WE FIGURE WE OWE YOU $98.
352
00:17:18,437 --> 00:17:19,670
- YOU GOT IT.
353
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:21,839
- WHAT?
354
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,007
- OH, WAIT A MINUTE, HONEY,
I DON'T THINK THAT'S RIGHT.
355
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:28,178
YOU KNOW, LITTLE BRIAN ONLY ATE
HALF HIS BREAKFAST THIS MORNING.
356
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,680
- YOU KNOW, THEY HAVE A POINT.
357
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:39,390
LET'S SEE, $98 MINUS HALF
A BOWL OF OATMEAL, $23.50?
358
00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:41,125
I BET YOU DIDN'T USE
ALL YOUR TOWELS.
359
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,427
HA, HA, HA.
360
00:17:43,462 --> 00:17:44,461
( music playing )
361
00:17:46,064 --> 00:17:48,399
- HAVE A SEAT, MR. SCHMIDLAPP.
362
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:51,201
YOU KNOW, THIS IS
SUPPOSED TO BE MY GOLF DAY
363
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:55,072
BUT SINCE YOU'RE A FRIEND
OF JAKE'S, SAY, CIGAR?
364
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:56,707
- NO, NO, THANKS.
365
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,609
- YOU'RE SURE?
THEY'RE CUBAN.
366
00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:02,079
A COURIER OF OURS SNEAKS THEM IN
FROM EUROPE EVERY OTHER WEEK.
367
00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:04,515
CUSTOMS NEVER CHECKS HIM.
368
00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:06,316
- GEE, THAT'S LUCKY.
369
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:09,252
I ONCE BROUGHT FRUIT IN
FROM CANADA.
370
00:18:11,657 --> 00:18:13,457
BOY, DID I CATCH HELL.
371
00:18:13,492 --> 00:18:15,291
( laughing )
372
00:18:15,327 --> 00:18:16,960
- ANYWAY, THE REASON I--
373
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,296
- WELL, TELL ME, HOW IS JAKE?
374
00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:25,369
- JAKE?
WELL, YOU KNOW JAKE.
375
00:18:25,404 --> 00:18:27,371
( laughing )
376
00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:28,872
- IS HE BACK IN THE COUNTRY?
377
00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:33,543
- YES.
378
00:18:36,982 --> 00:18:38,482
- FANTASTIC.
LET'S CALL HIM.
379
00:18:38,517 --> 00:18:40,984
- OH, YOU MEAN, THIS COUNTRY?
380
00:18:41,019 --> 00:18:41,986
- YEAH.
381
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:47,023
- UH, NO, NO,
HE'S STILL OVER THERE.
382
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:48,158
- AH,
383
00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:49,960
HOW'S LITTLE MOLLY DOING?
384
00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:52,462
- HA, HA, OH,
SHE'LL TALK YOUR EAR OFF
385
00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:53,497
IF YOU LET HER, YOU KNOW.
386
00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:55,032
( LAUGHING )
387
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:56,500
- THAT'S INTERESTING.
388
00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:57,902
MOLLY'S HIS DOG.
389
00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:00,504
- WELL, TALK, BARK, YOU KNOW,
390
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:03,206
WE ALL COME
FROM THE SAME GUY UPSTAIRS.
391
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:06,910
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
WHO ARE YOU?
392
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:09,312
- LOOK, I'M GONNA BE
COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU.
393
00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:12,483
I'M DWIGHT SCHMIDLAPP.
394
00:19:13,952 --> 00:19:16,253
JAKE'S BROTHER-IN-LAW
GAVE ME YOUR NAME.
395
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,654
I HAVE THIS MANUSCRIPT.
396
00:19:17,689 --> 00:19:19,256
- OH, NO.
NO, NO.
397
00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:20,925
YOU DON'T LIE
YOUR WAY IN HERE
398
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,559
AND EXPECT TO GET
ANY ATTENTION FROM ME.
399
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,794
JUST SUBMIT THAT
THROUGH CHANNELS.
400
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:27,464
- BUT I'VE BEEN
THROUGH CHANNELS.
401
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,301
I MEAN, I'VE BEEN REJECTED
BY JUNIOR EDITORS
402
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,303
BECAUSE THEY NEVER HEARD OF ME.
403
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:35,239
I'VE EVEN BEEN REJECTED
BY A CLEANING LADY
404
00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:38,609
BECAUSE SHE READ
BUT SHE NO LIKE.
405
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,212
- LOOK, I REALLY WANT TO
GET TO MY GOLF GAME.
406
00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:47,317
- HOW DOES A KID GET A BREAK
IN THIS BUSINESS?
407
00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:49,486
- KID?
408
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:52,556
LOOK, SON,
409
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,926
EVERYBODY THINKS HE'S A WRITER.
410
00:19:56,962 --> 00:19:57,928
- BUT I AM.
411
00:19:57,963 --> 00:19:58,929
- SEE WHAT I MEAN?
412
00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:01,331
- NO, I REALLY AM A WRITER.
413
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:02,599
READ THIS.
414
00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:06,002
YOU'D BE HARD PUT TO TELL
ANY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS
415
00:20:06,037 --> 00:20:10,107
AND, SAY,
THE WORK OF DICK LOUDON.
416
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:11,475
- DICK LOUDON?
417
00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:14,277
( chuckling ) NOT EXACTLY
SHOOTING FOR THE MOON, ARE YOU?
418
00:20:17,182 --> 00:20:18,415
- WHAT'S WRONG
WITH DICK LOUDON?
419
00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,217
- OH, NOTHING, I GUESS
HE'S ONE OF THE BEST
420
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:21,518
"HOW-TO" WRITERS AROUND.
421
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:24,455
I JUST DON'T HAPPEN TO CARE
FOR THOSE CUTSIE-POOH JOKES
422
00:20:24,490 --> 00:20:25,456
HE THROWS IN.
423
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:27,458
YOU KNOW,
"YOUR FANTASY BATHROOM
424
00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:29,092
"DOESN'T HAVE TO BE
A PIPE DREAM."
425
00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:30,126
( laughing )
426
00:20:32,364 --> 00:20:33,497
( clearing throat )
427
00:20:35,133 --> 00:20:36,233
- SORRY, KID.
428
00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:39,002
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT MANUSCRIPT,
SOMEPLACE ELSE.
429
00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:42,806
- CAN I USE YOUR PHONE?
430
00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:44,040
- YEAH, YEAH, SURE.
431
00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:57,420
- HELLO, US CUSTOM SERVICE?
432
00:20:57,456 --> 00:21:00,457
YES, COULD I SPEAK TO YOUR
CUBAN CIGAR GUY, PLEASE?
433
00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:06,696
YEAH, I'LL HOLD.
434
00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:07,865
- YOU WOULDN'T?
435
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,532
- ALL I WANT YOU TO DO
IS READ IT.
436
00:21:09,568 --> 00:21:10,667
- WELL, I WON'T.
437
00:21:10,702 --> 00:21:14,872
- YOU SAY YOU SMUGGLE TWO CASES
OF THESE A MONTH, RIGHT?
438
00:21:14,907 --> 00:21:16,172
- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
439
00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:17,374
I'LL READ IT.
440
00:21:17,409 --> 00:21:20,644
- OH, CUBAN CIGAR GUY,
441
00:21:22,147 --> 00:21:23,914
YEAH, I JUST CALLED TO SAY
442
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:26,583
THAT YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB,
443
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:29,452
I HAVEN'T SEEN
A CUBAN CIGAR IN YEARS.
444
00:21:36,127 --> 00:21:41,532
- "YOU DON'T NEED A PANEL
OF EXPERTS TO PANEL EXPERTLY."
445
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:42,566
( laughing )
446
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:46,636
( music playing )
447
00:21:51,343 --> 00:21:55,512
- OKAY, STEPH, THE VAN CLEVES
WERE HERE 14 DAYS.
448
00:21:55,547 --> 00:21:58,314
THEY SHOULD HAVE TIPPED YOU
$2 A DAY.
449
00:21:58,350 --> 00:22:00,684
THEY LEFT YOU $1,
450
00:22:00,719 --> 00:22:02,952
OUT OF WHICH WE HAD TO GIVE
50 CENTS TO GEORGE.
451
00:22:05,891 --> 00:22:07,958
- YES, MICHAEL.
452
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:10,794
- SO IF I WANT TO WIPE
THAT POUT OF YOUR FACE
453
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:11,862
THAT MEANS
454
00:22:13,365 --> 00:22:15,232
I OWE YOU $27.50.
455
00:22:18,570 --> 00:22:20,303
- IF YOU WANT.
456
00:22:20,338 --> 00:22:21,871
- I JUST HEARD DICK'S CAR.
457
00:22:21,906 --> 00:22:24,207
- BOY, I SURE HOPE
HE FOUND A PUBLISHER.
458
00:22:30,249 --> 00:22:33,116
- I'M ALMOST AFRAID TO ASK,
HOW DID IT GO?
459
00:22:33,152 --> 00:22:36,320
- WELL, LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY,
JOANNA.
460
00:22:43,896 --> 00:22:45,361
ME SELL BOOK.
461
00:22:53,905 --> 00:22:56,907
( theme music playing )
462
00:23:23,035 --> 00:23:24,201
- MEOW!
32313
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