Original subtitles

( theme music playing )

- JOANNA, I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE

AND GUESS WHO SOLD ONE OF HIS BOOKS

TO A MAJOR VIDEO COMPANY

TO BE THE FIRST IN THEIR SERIES OF "HOW-TO" CASSETTES

STARRING WHAT LOCAL TELEVISION PERSONALITY

WHO ALSO JUST HAPPENS TO BE THE AUTHOR OF THAT BOOK?

- GEE, DICK, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GIVE HER MORE

TO GO ON THAN THAT.

- THEY WANT YOU TO MAKE A "HOW-TO" VIDEO?

HONEY, THAT'S WONDERFUL.

- BOY, YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER SO WELL, IT'S SCARY.

- NO, I MEAN, THIS IS GREAT.

YOU KNOW, IT'S A CHANCE TO STRETCH MY CREATIVE MUSCLES

AND ENTER A NEW LEVEL OF ARTISTRY.

- WHICH BOOK ARE THEY DOING?

- "SO YOU WANT TO BE A PLUMBER?"

YEAH, THEY'RE GONNA SHOOT A TEST SCENE

NEXT WEEK AT THE WPIV.

- THEY'RE COMING TO VERMONT TO SHOOT?

- YEAH, WELL, THEY FEEL, YOU KNOW,

IF I'M IN A SITUATION WHERE I FEEL COMFORTABLE

AND WITH PEOPLE I KNOW THAT IT'LL BE ARTISTICALLY...

CHEAP.

- HI, I'M LARRY.

THIS IS MY BROTHER DARRYL

AND THIS IS MY OTHER BROTHER DARRYL.

WE WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE A GRAND OPENING.

- OF WHAT?

- OF OUR NEW ESCORT SERVICE.

WE ALMOST CALLED IT

THE "ANYTHING FOR A BUCK ESCORT SERVICE"

BUT DARRYL THOUGHT WE OUGHT TO TRY SOMETHING MORE ROMANTIC.

- "THE ACME ESCORT SERVICE."

- HOW DID YOU GUYS COME UP WITH THIS IDEA?

- WELL, WE WAS WONDERING HOW TO RAISE THE MONEY

TO BUY INTO A TIMESHARE CONDO NEAR EPCOT

WHEN DARRYL REALIZED

WHAT A VALUABLE COMMODITY WE ARE IN OURSELVES.

- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT UP THERE WITH PORK BELLIES.

- THANK YOU.

DARRYL, TACK ONE OF THEM LITTLE EYE-CATCHERS RIGHT THERE.

- NO!

YOU SEE, LARRY, WE HAVE THIS PILE OF BROCHURES

AND WHEN SINGLE WOMEN ARE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO DO,

ODDLY ENOUGH, THE FIRST PLACE THEY TEND TO LOOK IS RIGHT HERE.

- NEAR THE BOTTOM?

- GO FIGURE WOMEN.

( chuckling )

- WELL, WE'D BETTER GET BACK BEFORE THEM CALLS

FROM AFFECTION-STARVED FEMALES START FLOODING IN.

- LARRY, WHAT IF THERE ISN'T EXACTLY A FLOOD?

- GET REAL.

HERE WE ARE, THE PERFECT COMBINATION OF LOOKS,

SOPHISTICATION AND CONVERSATION.

- YOU KNOW, THOSE THREE KNOW EACH OTHER SO WELL, IT'S SCARY.

( music playing )

- HEY, CREW, THIS IS JERRY NURCO,

THE HEAD FRIJOLE OF THE HOW-TO VIDEO.

JER, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO OUR CRACKERJACK CREW.

THIS IS OUR PROP MAN, BUD.

- HEY, NOT SO FORMAL. CALL ME BUD.

- OUR DIRECTOR, J.J.

- NICE TO MEET SOMEBODY FROM THE BIG TIME.

I'M GONNA DELIVER YOU SOME FIRST-CLASS WHACKETA-WHACKETA.

- BINGETA-BUNGETA.

- BOOM!

( laughing )

- WHOA, WAVELENGTH.

AND HERE'S OUR STAR.

DICK, READY TO MAKE VIDEO VA-VA-VAVOOM?

- MICHAEL, I'M ONLY GONNA CHANGE A WA-WA-WASHER.

IT'S A SIMPLE 30-SECOND TEST TAPE.

- BUT DICK--

- CHANGE A WASHER.

SIMPLE, ELOQUENT, I LOVE IT.

- THANKS, IT WAS MY IDEA.

- PLACES, EVERYONE.

- J.J., IT'S ONLY ME.

- FINE.

PLACE, DICK.

- ACTION.

- HI, AND WELCOME TO DICK LOUDON'S

"SO YOU WANT TO BE A PLUMBER?"

OF COURSE, AT TODAY'S PRICES, WHO DOESN'T?

( laughing )

- ALL YOU NEED TO BE YOUR OWN PLUMBER

IS A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE AND THE RIGHT TOOLS.

WHERE ARE MY TOOLS?

- IS THIS WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR, DICK?

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- I'M YOUR BEAUTIFUL ASSISTANT.

- THIS ISN'T A MAGIC ACT.

I DON'T NEED A BEAUTIFUL ASSISTANT.

- BUT, DICK--

- YOU KNOW, THIS MAY BE GOING A BIT TOO FAR.

- MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY. BAD IDEA, STEPH.

- MICHAEL!

- LISTEN, PUPPY KNEES, I THINK IT'S TIME

FOR ONE OF THOSE COMPROMISES WE'VE TALKED ABOUT.

- OKAY. HOW ABOUT YOU GET YOUR WAY NOW

AND I GET MY WAY ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE

FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS?

- SOUNDS FAIR.

- AND TAKE LIBERACE'S TOOLBOX WITH YOU.

- FINE, DICK.

WHILE WE'RE AT IT,

WHY DON'T WE GET RID OF SOME OTHER ANNOYING INNOVATIONS

LIKE COLOR, SOUND?

- READY?

- ACTION. - HI, AND WELCOME

TO DICK LOUDON'S "SO YOU WANT TO BE A PLUMBER?"

AND OF COURSE, AT TODAY'S PRICES, WHO DOESN'T?

( laughing )

( music playing )

- WHAT'S THAT?

- A VIDEO CASSETTE RECORDER SO I CAN VIEW ALL THE CASSETTES

I'M GOING TO BE MAKING.

- DICK, YOU WOULDN'T EVEN GET ONE OF THOSE FOR ME

WHEN "GONE WITH THE WIND" CAME OUT.

- I WASN'T IN "GONE WITH THE WIND."

- WELL, I THINK IT'S JUST AN EXPENSIVE TOY.

- FRANKLY, MY DEAR, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN.

- HAH!

- EXCUSE ME, CAN YOU RECOMMEND SOMETHING

FOR ME TO DO THIS EVENING?

- OH, WHY DON'T YOU LOOK THROUGH THIS PILE OF BROCHURES,

MISS PARKMAN?

- OH, AN ESCORT SERVICE.

- FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T!

THERE MUST BE SOMETHING ELSE IN HERE.

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?

- THAT COULD TAKE AN EVENING IN ITSELF.

MISS PARKMAN, WHY DON'T YOU GO TO THE SPINNAKER?

THEY HAVE WONDERFUL SEAFOOD.

- WELL, I DO LOVE SEAFOOD

BUT I'M THE KIND OF PERSON WHO LIKES TO TRY NEW THINGS.

- THEN RENT A DUCK SUIT.

JUST DON'T DO THIS.

- RENT A DUCK SUIT?

- WELL, THERE'S NO POINT IN BUYING ONE.

- HEY, DICK.

- OH, HI, JER, WHAT'S THE WORD FROM NEW YORK?

- EVERYTHING'S GREAT, JUST GREAT.

EXCEPT FOR ONE TINY GLITCH.

- DON'T TELL ME, THE SCRIPT'S A LITTLE FLAT.

I'VE BEEN PUNCHING IT UP.

- THEY LOVED THE SCRIPT.

- OH! - THEY HATED YOU.

- WHAT?

- NO, MAYBE HATE'S TOO STRONG A WORD.

THEY DIDN'T FEEL YOU WERE QUITE RIGHT FOR THE PART.

- OF DICK LOUDON?

- RIGHT. WE'RE RECASTING.

( music playing )

- HOW CAN I NOT BE RIGHT FOR THE PART OF MYSELF?

- DICK, PERSONALLY, I THINK YOU MAKE A DAMN FINE YOU.

BUT THE RESEARCH DEPARTMENT TESTED YOUR PLUMBING DEMO

AND THEY CAME UP WITH A FEW NEGATIVE COMMENTS.

- LIKE WHAT?

- NOW, FIRST, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND

THAT THESE ARE NOT NECESSARILY BAD QUALITIES.

THEY JUST DON'T FIT IN WITH THE HOME OFFICE'S THINKING.

FOR INSTANCE, YOU'RE BORING.

THEY'RE JUST NOT LOOKING FOR THAT.

- YOU'RE KIDDING.

- AND THEN THERE'S THAT DARN STAMMER OF YOURS.

MAKES YOU SOUND UNSURE OF YOURSELF.

- WELL, HOW-- HOW-- HOW CAN-- HOW CAN THEY-- HOW CAN--

HOW CAN THEY SAY THAT?

- AND PEOPLE DON'T SEEM TO TRUST YOU.

NOW RESEARCH FEELS IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO

WITH YOUR SHIFTY EYES.

I'M OVER HERE, DICK.

PLUS YOU DON'T SEEM TO HIT OUR TARGET AUDIENCE,

THE 20 TO 30 YEAR-OLD WORKING MALE.

- WHO DO I HIT?

- 55 TO 70 YEAR-OLD WOMEN.

THEY LOVE YOU. THEY WANT TO HAVE YOUR CHILDREN.

TROUBLE IS, THEY DON'T FIX THEIR OWN PLUMBING.

- WELL, IF I'M NOT DOING THIS VIDEO,

NOBODY IS 'CAUSE I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU USE THE BOOK.

- TECHNICALLY, IT'S NOT YOUR BOOK ANYMORE, DICK.

YOU WANT TO READ THAT?

- "THE AUTHOR RELINQUISHES ALL RIGHTS TO THIS BOOK

IN PERPETUITY IN THIS MEDIUM OR ANY OTHER INVENTED

THROUGH TIME THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE."

- WE LIKE TO TIE UP THOSE LITTLE LOOPHOLES.

- HI, JER. HI, DICK.

Dick: I'M NOT DICK ANYMORE. THEY'RE RECASTING.

- WHAT?

- THEY-- THEY SAY I'M A-- A STAMMERING,

SHIFT--SHIFTY-EYED BORE.

- OH, REALLY?

WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, MR. BIG SHOT,

YOU CAN JUST GO BACK TO YOUR FANCY NEW YORK STUDIO

AND USE ALL THE HIGH TECHNOLOGY YOU CAN FIND.

THAT'S NOT GOING TO MAKE THIS PROJECT WORK.

YOU HAVE NOTHING IF YOU DON'T HAVE THIS MAN, RIGHT HERE.

- THANK YOU, MICHAEL.

- MICHAEL, WE'RE STILL PLANNING TO SHOOT AT WPIV.

- OH, WELL, LET'S BRAINSTORM ON REPLACEMENTS FOR DICK.

- MICHAEL!

- DICK! DICK, CALM DOWN.

IT'S NOT LIKE WE DON'T WANT YOU ON THE PROJECT.

WE JUST WANT YOU BEHIND THE CAMERA

WHERE YOU CAN'T BORE PEOPLE.

- AND YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU?

WELL, FORGET IT IN PERPETUITY THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE.

- DICK, WE'RE GONNA MAKE THIS VIDEO EITHER WAY.

YOU CAN ADVISE US AND SEE THAT

"SO YOU WANT TO BE A PLUMBER?" IS TRUE TO YOUR VISION

OR WE CAN LEAVE ALL THE CREATIVE DECISIONS UP TO MICHAEL.

- WELL, LET'S MAKE A VIDEO VA-VAVOOM.

( music playing )

- BUT HOW CAN THEY FIRE YOU JUST BECAUSE

SOME STUPID RESEARCH SAYS YOU HAVE SHIFTY EYES?

- YEAH.

WHOO, THEY DO KEEP MOVING, DON'T THEY?

BUT THEY'RE NOT SHIFTY.

- JOANNA, CAN I KNOCK OFF NOW?

THAT TABLE OVER THERE ORDERED HEAVY CREAM AND I'M BUSHED.

- STEPHANIE, MISS PARKMAN HASN'T COME DOWN YET.

YOU'RE STILL GONNA HAVE TO SERVE HER.

- NO, I WON'T.

SHE NEVER CAME BACK LAST NIGHT.

- YOU-- ARE YOU SURE?

- WELL, HER BED'S STILL MADE AND HER BATHROOM'S UNUSED.

THAT'S WHAT I CALL A GUEST.

- DICK, JOANNA, MORNING.

LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO THE MAN

WHO'S GONNA HOST YOUR VIDEO

AND MAKE IT A NUMBER ONE SELLER.

ED MCKENDRICK, DICK AND JOANNA LOUDON,

GEORGE UTLEY. - HELLO.

- WHY DON'T YOU GRAB A SEAT? I'VE GOT TO CALL

THE NEW YORK OFFICE, CHECK FOR MESSAGES.

- MR. LOUDON, I KNOW HOW HARD IT MUST BE FOR YOU

TO HAVE ME COMING IN LIKE THIS AND INTERPRETING YOUR WORK.

I KNOW HOW PERSONAL IT MUST BE AND I FEEL FOR YOU.

- AHH.

- I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I'VE ADMIRED YOUR BOOKS FOR YEARS.

- YOU LUG, YOU.

- AND I COULD HAVE NEVER FINISHED MY SECOND BATHROOM

WITHOUT YOU.

- I'M GLAD I WAS THERE.

- DO YOU MIND IF I SIT DOWN, MR. LOUDON?

- SURE. AND PLEASE, CALL HIM DICK.

- ALL I WANT TO DO IS TAKE YOUR ENTHUSIASM,

YOUR EXCITEMENT, YOUR ESSENCE

AND MAKE IT COME ACROSS ON THE SCREEN.

- GEE, DICK, CAN HE STAY FOR LUNCH?

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET AWAY FROM HIM!

- WHAT? WHAT?

- I DON'T WANT YOU PICKING UP ANY OF HIS MANNERISMS.

LET ME LOOK AT YOUR EYES.

AH, THANK GOD.

- I HATE TO ADMIT IT BUT ED IS KIND OF LIKEABLE.

- YEAH, I COULD LEARN PLUMBING FROM HIM IN A MINUTE.

OF COURSE, I ALREADY KNOW PLUMBING

SO I GUESS I'M NOT THE ONE TO GO BY.

- OH, NO!

MISS PARKMAN, YOU DIDN'T CALL?

- ACME ESCORT SERVICE,

SERVING THE COMMUNITY FOR OVER 24 HOURS.

- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

- I'M FINE.

- 'COURSE SHE IS. WE HAVEN'T LOST ONE YET.

- MISS PARKMAN, WE THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO HAVE DINNER

AT THE SPINNAKER.

- WE BEGGED YOU.

- SHE DIDN'T NEED TO. OUR FEE INCLUDES A MEAL.

- I'VE NEVER TRAPPED MY OWN HORS D'OEUVRES BEFORE.

- WELL, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL THIS TIME?

- SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO SEE SOME NIGHTLIFE

SO NATURALLY WE TOOK HER RIGHT TO THE BAT CAVE.

- THE BAT CAVE?

- THEY'RE REAL FRIENDLY.

IF YOU STAND PERFECTLY STILL,

THEY'LL COME AND LAND RIGHT IN YOUR HAIR.

- HE'S RIGHT.

- AFTER THAT, WE PRETENDED WE WAS LOST IN THE WOODS.

- YOU WERE PRETENDING?

- WELL, DARRYL SENSED YOU DIDN'T WANT THE EVENING TO END.

DOES HE KNOW WOMEN OR WHAT?

- HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU FOR-- HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU?

- OH, WE'LL KEEP A RUNNING TAB.

SO WHAT TIME WILL YOU BE NEEDING OUR SERVICES TONIGHT?

- AH, THANK YOU, THAT'S VERY SWEET

BUT I'M PLANNING TO SPEND TODAY AND TONIGHT WASHING MY HAIR.

- OH. WELL, I HATE TO IMPRISON A NOBLE SENTIMENT IN MERE WORDS

BUT BYE.

- WELL, I HAVE A LOT OF BATHING TO DO.

- J.J., DO YOU MIND IF I DO MOST OF MY TALKING

INTO THIS CAMERA?

THIS IS MY GOOD SIDE.

- HEY, AT LEAST YOU'VE GOT A GOOD SIDE.

- HI, DICK, HA-HA.

- WHAT'S THIS, GUYS? NO SPANGLED TOOLBOX,

NO MAGICIAN'S ASSISTANT?

- ACTUALLY, WITH ED HERE,

WE DON'T NEED TO CREATE THE ILLUSION OF EXCITEMENT.

- OKAY.

LET'S MAKE "HOW-TO" HISTORY.

- DON'T BE AFRAID TO GET TIGHT ON HIS FACE.

THOSE EYES AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE.

- PLACES, PLEASE.

- DICK, DICK, WAKE UP. HE CALLED PLACES.

- I'M NOT IN THIS, BUD.

- OH, NEVER MIND, DICK, THEY GOT SOMEBODY.

HE'S A DREAMBOAT.

- AND ACTION.

- HI, AND WELCOME TO DICK LOUDON'S

"SO YOU WANT TO BE A PLUMBER?"

OF COURSE, AT TODAY'S PRICES, WHO DOESN'T?

( laughing )

- WHAT A GREAT AD LIB.

I LOVE THIS GUY.

- IT WASN'T AN AD LIB. I WROTE IT.

- DICK, PUT THAT GREEN-EYED MONSTER BACK IN ITS CAGE.

- HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU SEEN A HANDSOME SINK LIKE THIS

AND SAID, "MAN, WOULD THAT SNAZZ UP MY BATHROOM"?

WELL, I'M GONNA TAKE YOU STEP BY STEP

THROUGH INSTALLING THIS BABY YOURSELF.

NOW, THE FIRST THING YOU HAVE TO DO

IS REMOVE THESE CAPS FROM THE WATER PIPE.

( whispering) - ED, ED, SHUT OFF THE MAIN VALVE.

- WHAT?

- CUT.

DICK RUINED THE SCENE.

- BUT HE WAS DOING IT WRONG.

BEFORE YOU TAKE OFF THE CAPS,

YOU HAVE TO SHUT OFF THE WATER AT THE MAIN VALVE.

- OH, YEAH, THIS THING, RIGHT?

- I THOUGHT YOU KNEW EVERYTHING ABOUT PLUMBING?

- WELL, I DO.

SINK, PIPES, THIS THING-- MAIN VALVE.

- YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT, DO YOU?

- GIMME A BREAK.

IT'S THE BEST PART I'VE BEEN OFFERED IN TWO YEARS.

- JER, THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK.

HE DOESN'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT PLUMBING.

- IS THIS TRUE?

- NO WAY, JERRY.

- HE ADMITTED IT. HE LIED TO GET THE PART.

- I DID NOT.

- WHO ARE YOU GONNA BELIEVE, HIM OR ME?

- SORRY, ED.

WE WON'T LET HIM BOTHER YOU ANYMORE.

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S TAKE IT FROM

"THE FIRST THING YOU HAVE TO DO."

- RIGHT.

NOW THE FIRST THING YOU HAVE TO DO

IS SHUT OFF THE MAIN VALVE,

THEN REMOVE THESE CAPS.

- SEE, HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.

- NOW, TO THESE PIPES

WE'RE GOING TO CONNECT THESE FITTINGS.

- CUT.

- GEE, THAT'S FUNNY.

USUALLY IT'S MY VOICE SAYING "CUT."

SOMETHING WE CAN DO FOR YOU, DICK?

- ED, YOU FORGOT TO PUT IN THE WASHER.

- I THOUGHT WE WERE PUTTING IN A SINK?

- THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

HE DIDN'T PUT A WASHER IN THE FITTING.

- DICK, DICK, THERE'S SUCH A THING

AS BEING TOO CONSCIENTIOUS.

ARE WE READY?

- EVERYTHING LOOKS FINE TO ME.

- YEAH, HE'S A DREAMBOAT.

- WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?

ACTION.

- NOW, TO THESE PIPES WE'LL CONNECT THESE FITTINGS.

I SHOULD POINT OUT THAT THIS PROCEDURE

APPLIES TO SINKS AND TO WASHERS.

- THE CORRECT WAY TO FASTEN THIS IS WITH A CROISSANT WRENCH.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE,

ASK FOR IT AT THE HARDWARE STORE.

- AND IF THEY'RE OUT OF IT, TRY THE BAKERY.

- SHH.

- WELL, THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO DO

BUT OPEN THE MAIN VALVE

AND TURN ON YOUR NEW SINK.

HEY, IT WORKS.

- WELL, DICK, THE SKY ISN'T EXACTLY FALLING.

- SO, DO YOU FEEL LIKE A PLUMBER?

I KNOW I DO.

- ED, SHUT OFF THE MAIN VALVE.

- OH, THIS THING, RIGHT?

- BUD, GET THE FUSE BOX.

- PLEASE, ONE THING AT A TIME.

I'VE GOT TO GET THE FUSE BOX.

- SO, WE GOT TO DO ANOTHER TAKE?

- NOT WITH YOU, ED.

YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT PLUMBING.

- I KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT IT.

- ED? - WELL, I'VE USED THE BATHROOM.

I HAD TO DO IT. IT WAS THE PART.

I KNOW THIS DICK LOUDON.

I KNOW HOW HE WALKS.

I KNOW HOW HE EATS BREAKFAST.

I KNOW WHAT HE THINKS.

- ED, SHOW US HOW HE EXITS.

- NOW, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

I'VE GOT TO DELIVER A VIDEO TAPE ON TUESDAY

AND WE LOST OUR STAR.

- WELL, WE'VE GOT TO FIND SOMEBODY.

- BUT WHO?

- WHAT ABOUT GEORGE UTLEY?

- NO, TOO ETHNIC.

- OH, WHAT THE HELL.

- DICK, SWEETHEART.

- YOU DON'T WANT ME TO SHOOT ME IN THIS.

I HAVE THOSE SHIFTY EYES.

- NOT SHIFTY, BOUNCY.

- WHAT ABOUT MY STAMMER?

- BUILDS SUSPENSE.

PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY THE SENTENCE IS GOING TO GO.

- BUT ONLY OLD LADIES LIKE ME.

- DICK, RESEARCH SHOWS THAT 90% OF ALL RESEARCH IS WRONG.

- I DON'T KNOW.

- C'MON, DICK, DON'T MAKE US BEG.

- OH, I'D NEVER DO THAT.

ACTUALLY, WHAT I'D REALLY LIKE YOU TO DO IS SING.

- SING? - NO.

SING AND DANCE.

( laughing )

- YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

- NO SONG AND DANCE, NO VIDEO.

- YOU GUYS KNOW "FINE AND DANDY"?

- HEY, COUNT ME OUT.

I WILL NOT PARTICIPATE IN ANYTHING

THIS CHILDISH AND DEMEANING.

- I WAS THINKING, JER,

WE REALLY DON'T HAVE TO SHOOT THIS AT WPIV.

- TWO, THREE, FOUR.

� GEE IT'S ALL FINE AND DANDY �

� SUGAR CANDY WHEN I'M WITH YOU �

� THEN I ONLY SEE THE SUNNY SIDE �

� EVEN TROUBLE HAS ITS FUNNY SIDE �

� WHEN YOU'RE GONE SUGAR CANDY �

� I GET SO LONESOME I GET SO BLUE �

� WHEN YOU'RE HANDY �

� IT'S FINE AND DANDY �

� BUT WHEN YOU'RE GONE WHAT CAN I DO? �

( theme music playing )

- MEOW!