Original subtitles

( theme music playing )

- HOW DOES IT LOOK OUTSIDE?

- CLEAR BLUE SKIES, CLOUD IN SIGHT,

IT'S ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.

- DAMN IT.

- HONEY, DON'T GET UPSET.

IT CAN TURN MISERABLE LIKE THAT.

- I HOPE SO, DICK.

THE SNOW CARNIVAL IS ONLY A WEEK AWAY.

- HOW ARE YOU DOING WITH THOSE CAPS?

- WELL, I'M JUST FINISHING MY 103RD.

- "SNOW CARNIVAL 1986."

WELL, EITHER IT'LL SNOW

AND THESE WILL SELL LIKE HOT CAKES

OR YOU WASTED A MONTH OF YOUR LIFE.

- HEY, DICK, JOANNA. - HI, HARLEY.

- WELL, IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN.

READY TO SHOVEL THE SNOW OUT OF YOUR DRIVEWAY.

- HARLEY, MAYBE YOU NOTICED ON YOUR WAY UP TO THE HOUSE

THAT YOU HAD TO TRUDGE THROUGH NOTHING?

- YEAH, NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT,

THE SHOVELING GAME'S BEEN KIND OF LEAN LATELY.

THANK GOD THE SNOW CARNIVAL'S COMING UP.

I ALWAYS GET A JOB AS A TARGET IN THE DUNKING BOOTH.

- HARLEY, YOU WORK IN THE DUNKING BOOTH

IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER?

- YEAH. ONCE I GET OVER THE FROSTBITE,

I DEPOSIT A NICE CHUNK OF CHANGE IN THE BANK.

- HARLEY, IF IT DOESN'T SNOW, THERE MAY NOT BE A CARNIVAL.

- WHOA.

MOTHER NATURE SURE IS A TOUGH OLD BROAD.

- HI. - HI, INNKEEPERS.

WHERE'S MY FAVORITE LODGER?

- STEPHANIE, MICHAEL'S HERE.

- OH, GUESS WHAT?

I GOT THE GO-AHEAD TO PRODUCE MY TV SPECIAL

ON THE SNOW CARNIVAL.

THIS COULD BE MY TICKET OUT OF SUNDAY AFTERNOON YACKETY-YACK.

NO OFFENSE, DICK.

- HI, MICHAEL.

- WAIT 'TIL YOU HEAR THE NEWS I'VE GOT FOR STEPH.

GET READY TO "OOH."

- WHAT IS IT?

- STEPHANIE HAS BEEN NAMED

THE OFFICIAL 1986 SNOW CARNIVAL ICE MAIDEN.

- OOH!

- STEPHANIE, CONGRATULATIONS.

WERE THERE A LOT OF GIRLS UP FOR THIS?

- THERE WAS NO COMPETITION.

- NOT EVEN CLOSE, HUH?

- NO, THERE WAS LITERALLY NO COMPETITION.

THEY LEFT THE DECISION UP TO ME SO I SAID TO MYSELF

IN THIS ENTIRE TOWN WHO'S MORE DESERVING OF THE TITLE

"ICE MAIDEN" THAN MY STEPH.

- WELL, I'D HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH YOU ON THAT.

- AW, THANK YOU, MICHAEL.

C'MON, LET'S CELEBRATE WITH AN EXPENSIVE LUNCH

AND THEN TAKE A TOUR OF MY KINGDOM.

- DICK, JOANNA, I'VE DESIGNED THE STRATFORD INN FLOAT

FOR THE PARADE. DO YOU WANT TO SEE?

- IT LOOKS LIKE A GIANT SLEIGH.

- I CALL IT THE GIANT SLEIGH.

IT'S GONNA BE BRIGHT RED WITH SILVER RUNNERS.

I FIGURE THE WHOLE THING SHOULD COST $350.

- GEORGE, YOU BETTER HOLD OFF.

IF IT DOESN'T SNOW, BUILDING A SLEIGH

COULD BE JUST AS USELESS AS WHAT JOANNA'S DOING.

- DICK!

- DON'T WORRY, JOANNA, IT'S GONNA SNOW.

ALL THE SIGNS POINT TO IT.

THIS MORNING, I SAW RABBITS SCURRYING INTO THE WOODS.

- THERE, DICK, YOU SEE?

- YEAH, THAT ALWAYS MEANS A STORM IS COMING.

- YOU'LL HAVE TO FORGIVE ME, GEORGE,

BUT I HAVE THIS THING ABOUT GETTING MY WEATHER INFORMATION

FROM PRIMATES.

THERE'S AN EMERGENCY TOWN MEETING TONIGHT.

THEY'RE GONNA DECIDE WHETHER TO CANCEL THE CARNIVAL.

I THINK WE OUGHT TO WAIT FOR THE OUTCOME

BEFORE WE BUILD A FLOAT.

- ALL RIGHT, DICK.

BUT IF WE DON'T GET STARTED SOON,

OUR ENTRY IN THE PARADE IS GONNA BE THIS.

- LET'S ALL TAKE OUR SEATS AND START THE MEETING.

- WOW, IS IT PACKED.

I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS MANY PEOPLE IN HERE SINCE '61.

- WHAT HAPPENED IN '61?

- THE WHOLE TOWN CAME DOWN TO SEE

HOW MANY PEOPLE WE COULD FIT IN HERE.

- NOW, THE REASON I CALLED THIS EMERGENCY MEETING IS,

WELL, WE'RE FACED WITH AN EMERGENCY.

FOR THE FIRST TIME, WE'VE HAD NO SNOW IN FEBRUARY.

WE'VE GOT TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE SNOW CARNIVAL.

- WELL, CHESTER, YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL.

WE'RE ALL SPENDING MONEY ON SUPPLIES AND PREPARATIONS,

I SAY CALL OFF THE CARNIVAL NOW AND CUT OUR LOSSES.

( indistinct chatter )

- WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE ME?

THE MONEY I MAKE DURING THE CARNIVAL

CARRIES MY SOUVENIR SHOP THROUGH THE REST OF THE YEAR.

- YEAH, AND IF THE SNOW CARNIVAL'S CANCELED,

A LOT OF US ARE GONNA GO UNDER.

WELL, I GUESS I'LL GO UNDER EITHER WAY.

- LOOK, THERE'S STILL A CHANCE IT MIGHT SNOW.

REMEMBER THE WINTER OF '58?

THE WEATHER WAS JUST THIS PLEASANT,

THEN A BLIZZARD CAME ALONG AND WIPED OUT HALF THE TOWN.

- YEAH.

- BUT THERE'S NO GUARANTEE

WE'LL LUCK OUT LIKE THAT THIS YEAR.

HAS ANYBODY HEARD THE SLIGHTEST REASON OR HOPE

IT'S GONNA SNOW?

- THERE'S THAT THING OF GEORGE'S ABOUT THE RABBITS.

- HONEY, BIG DEAL.

HE SAW SOME RABBITS RUNNING INTO THE FOREST.

- RABBITS RAN INTO THE FOREST?

- THAT'S ONE HELL OF A PIECE OF INFORMATION

TO BE SITTING ON, DICK.

- YEAH, YOU'RE PLAYING WITH PEOPLE'S LIVES HERE.

- I GUESS I WAS RIGHT TO BE OPTIMISTIC.

RABBITS NEVER RUN INTO THE FOREST

UNLESS A STORM'S COMING.

- UNLESS THEY WERE JUST RUNNING AWAY FROM THAT DOG.

- THEY WERE RUNNING AWAY FROM A DOG?

- HUH?

- WHAT?

- GEE, DICK, YOU SHOULD GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT

BEFORE YOU GET PEOPLE IN AN UPROAR.

- YEAH, YOU'RE PLAYING WITH PEOPLE'S LIVES HERE.

- IN THE LIGHT OF THIS RABBIT THING BEING A CRUEL HOAX,

I THINK THE BEST THING TO DO IS CANCEL.

( groaning )

- I'M STEPHANIE VANDERKELLEN, ICE MAIDEN.

AND I'VE HEARD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH.

NOT ONLY DO I INSIST THE CARNIVAL CONTINUE,

I DEMAND THAT IT SNOW, IMMEDIATELY.

- THANK YOU, MISS VANDERKELLEN.

- ICE MAIDEN.

- WELL, WE'VE HEARD BOTH SIDES

AND THE WEATHER SERVICE HAS PROMISED TO GIVE ME

A DETAILED UPDATE THIS EVENING.

SO WHY DON'T WE RECESS 'TIL 1 O'CLOCK TOMORROW

AND MAKE OUR DECISION THEN?

IN THE MEANTIME, I DECLARE THAT THIS--

- EXCUSE ME. I'M LARRY.

THIS IS MY BROTHER DARRYL

AND THIS IS MY OTHER BROTHER DARRYL.

AND WE CAN SAVE THIS TOWN.

- HOW ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT?

- WE CAN MAKE IT SNOW.

( indistinct chatter )

WELL, OF COURSE, ONLY GOD CAN MAKE IT SNOW

BUT SOMETIMES HE NEEDS A LITTLE GOOSE.

THAT'S WHERE WE COME IN.

OUR FEE IS $1,000.

$2,000 IF YOU WANT IT TO STICK.

( laughing )

DOES THIS LAUGHTER REPRESENT CRAFTY NEGOTIATING ON YOUR PART?

- NO, LARRY, THIS SEEMS TO BE THE ONE THING WE ALL AGREE ON.

THANKS, BUT NO THANKS.

- FINE.

WE'LL ALL BITE THE BIG ONE TOGETHER.

C'MON, DARRYL.

IT'S A TOWN WITHOUT PITY.

- HONEY, UNTIL WE KNOW THERE'S GONNA BE A CARNIVAL,

WHY DON'T YOU STOP KNITTING THOSE THINGS?

- I CAN'T. KNITTING'S THE ONLY THING

THAT RELAXES ME WHEN I'M WORRIED.

- WELL, WHAT ARE YOU SO WORRIED ABOUT?

- THAT I'VE BEEN A FOOL TO KNIT ALL THESE THINGS.

I'D BETTER GET MORE WOOL.

- DICK, OZZIE AT THE LUMBER YARD

SAYS WE GOT TO ORDER THE WOOD FOR THE FLOAT TONIGHT.

- GEORGE--

- OH, C'MON, IT'S NOT LIKE THE SNOW CARNIVAL

IS THE ONLY USE WE'LL HAVE FOR THE GIANT SLEIGH.

- GEORGE, WHAT ELSE COULD YOU USE IT FOR?

- WELL, WHAT IF SOME REALLY BIG PEOPLE CHECK IN?

- YOU'RE RIGHT, GEORGE,

I DON'T KNOW HOW WE'VE GOTTEN ALONG WITHOUT IT THIS LONG.

- DICK, I'VE BEEN PRACTICING MY ICE MAIDEN WAVE

AND I NEED AN OPINION.

WHICH ONE OF THESE DO YOU THINK

WILL BE MORE LIKELY TO TURN HEADS?

THIS...

OR THIS...

- THE FIRST. - I LIKE THE SECOND.

- HI, STEPH, I'M HERE AND I'M NOT EMPTY-HANDED.

- MY ICE MAIDEN COSTUME.

I'LL RUN UPSTAIRS AND TRY IT ON.

- AND I'LL WAIT HERE AND PREPARE TO HUBBA-HUBBA.

- EVENING, ALL.

DICK, GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

- GLAD I COULD MAKE WHAT?

- AN EMERGENCY MEETING OF MY TRUSTED ADVISORS.

- WELL, WELL, A CONFAB OF THE TOWN BIGGIES.

GLAD I'M HERE.

- DICK, WE'VE GOT TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE CARNIVAL

IF IT DOESN'T SNOW.

- AH, SO WE'RE HERE TO POW-WOW OVER WORST-CASE SCENARIOS

VIS-A-VIS THE SNOW CARNIVAL.

- I STILL THINK WE SHOULD CANCEL.

- IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'D LIKE TO ADDRESS JIM'S SUGGESTION.

REAL STUPID.

- MICHAEL, BUTT OUT.

YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO SAVE YOUR TV SPECIAL.

- IF WE COULD JUST FOCUS ON THE MATTER AT HAND.

THE PURPOSE OF THIS MEETING IS TO COME UP WITH SUGGESTIONS

TO SAVE THE CARNIVAL.

- WELL, IF WE'RE SPITBALLING, SNOW OR NOT,

IT'LL STILL BE FEBRUARY, WHY NOT CALL IT THE "FEB FEST"?

- MICHAEL, PEOPLE COME HERE FOR SNOW.

THEY COULD GET "FEB" IN JAMAICA.

- HOLD ON, DICK, THIS IS THE FIRST ALTERNATIVE

ANYONE'S COME UP WITH.

MICHAEL, HOW WOULD THIS "FEB FEST" GO?

- WELL, EXACTLY LIKE THE SNOW CARNIVAL

BUT WITH A FEW VARIATIONS.

INSTEAD OF AN ICE SCULPTURE COMPETITION,

WE'LL HAVE A WET TEE-SHIRT CONTEST.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS, BUT I PREFER CHEESECAKE TO ICE.

AND WE WON'T HAVE TO CHANGE A THING ABOUT THE DOG SLED RACE,

IT WILL BE MORE OF A CHALLENGE

FOR THOSE PUPS TO PULL OVER CONCRETE.

SO IS EVERYBODY READY TO CARNI-VAL?

- THANK YOU, MICHAEL.

I THINK YOU'VE MADE IT CLEAR THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NO WAY

WE CAN HAVE THIS CARNIVAL WITHOUT SNOW.

( phone ringing )

- STRATFORD INN. IT'S THE WEATHER SERVICE.

- EVERYBODY PRAY FOR A BLIZZARD.

- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

FAIR AND WARMER ALL NEXT WEEK.

- I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

TOMORROW I'M GONNA HAVE TO ANNOUNCE

THAT THE CARNIVAL'S CANCELED

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE TOWN'S HISTORY.

I'LL BE BRANDED FOREVER AS THE NO-SNOW MAYOR.

- I'LL HAVE TO KISS MY TV SPECIAL GOODBYE.

- WHEN THE TOWN HEARS ABOUT THE CANCELLATION TOMORROW,

THERE'LL BE RIOTING IN THE STREETS, LYNCH MOBS.

- OH, TAKE IT EASY, CHESTER.

WE'RE MORE OF A TAR AND FEATHER COMMUNITY.

- C'MON, GUYS, IN A CRISIS, THE PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN

CAN BE PRETTY LEVEL-HEADED AND MATURE.

- THE ICE MAIDEN'S HERE.

- WITH ONE POSSIBLE EXCEPTION.

- STEPH, ABOUT THE SNOW CARNIVAL.

- YES, SIR MICHAEL?

- DICK HAS AN UPDATE.

- STEPHANIE, I THINK THIS IS SOMETHING

MICHAEL SHOULD TELL YOU ABOUT.

- WHOA, BOOMERANG.

- WHY ARE MY SUBJECTS ACTING SO STRANGELY?

- TRAGEDY, STEPH.

THE SNOW CARNIVAL'S BEEN CANCELED.

- WHAT?

YOU CAN'T CANCEL THE CARNIVAL.

I'VE GOT MY COSTUME.

I'VE BEEN PRACTICING MY SPEECH AND MY WAVE.

I DECLARE THE SNOW CARNIVAL OFFICIALLY OPEN.

- YOU CAN'T BE AN ICE MAIDEN.

THERE'S NO ICE.

- WELL, THERE'S PLENTY OF IT IN THE REFRIGERATOR.

CAN'T WE JUST MAKE A WHOLE BUNCH OF IT

AND SCATTER IT ALL OVER TOWN?

- DICK? - NO.

- BUT IT ISN'T FAIR.

STUPID, STUPID ACT OF GOD.

Michael: I BETTER GO COMFORT HER

BEFORE SHE DOES SOMETHING DESTRUCTIVE WITH THAT WAND.

- WELL, CHESTER, I'M NOT GONNA SAY "I TOLD YOU SO."

A GOOD PORTION OF THE TOWN WILL DO THAT FOR ME.

- DICK, I'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.

- BUT WE'VE EXHAUSTED EVERY POSSIBILITY.

- NOT ALL OF THEM.

I COULD HIRE LARRY, DARRYL AND DARRYL TO MAKE SNOW.

- CHESTER, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE KNOWN

AS, THE "NO-SNOW MAYOR" OR THE "MORON MAYOR"?

- BUT THOSE GUYS ARE OUR ONLY HOPE.

DICK, I WANT YOU TO TALK TO THEM.

- ME?

- WELL, I'VE GOT TO PREPARE FOR THE TOWN MEETING

AND THEY SEEM TO LIKE YOU.

BESIDES, I'M AFRAID OF THEM.

- I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO BUT I THINK IT'S A CRAZY IDEA.

- TELL THEM THE DEADLINE IS 1 O'CLOCK TOMORROW.

WE'VE GOT TO HAVE SNOW BEFORE THAT MEETING.

I'LL WRITE YOU OUT A TOWN'S CHECK FOR $2000.

- ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GIVE THESE GUYS $2000?

- WELL, I'D LOVE TO GIVE THEM ONLY $1,000

BUT WE DO WANT IT TO STICK, DON'T WE?

- HI. HI, GUYS.

CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING?

- JUST SO IT'S NOT 18TH CENTURY INTERIOR DESIGN.

- ACTUALLY, I'M HERE ON BEHALF OF THE TOWN.

THEY WANT ME TO SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT MAKING IT SNOW.

- SEEMS LIKE THE LAST TIME WE SAW THE TOWN,

IT WAS MAKING A MUNICIPAL MOCKERY OF US.

- WELL, THEY'VE RECONSIDERED.

HERE'S THE TOWN'S CHECK FOR $2,000.

- WELL, SHOULD WE DECIDE TO TAKE THIS JOB,

WE'LL OF COURSE, NEED TO SEE THE TOWN'S DRIVER'S LICENSE

AND ONE OTHER FORM OF ID.

- WELL, GUYS, IT ISN'T LIKE THE TOWN IS GOING TO SKIP TOWN.

- EVEN SO, FAITH IS AN IMPORTANT PART

OF OUR SNOW-MAKING PROCESS.

WE CAN'T ACCEPT THIS CHECK UNTIL WE KNOW THAT YOU,

AS THE TOWN'S REPRESENTATIVE, HAVE COMPLETE FAITH IN US.

DO YOU?

- WELL, UH...

- NO FAITH, NO SNOW.

- ACTUALLY, I HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT IN SOME STRANGE WAY

YOU AND YOUR BROTHERS WILL DO SOMETHING

AND AT SOME POINT AFTER THAT,

IT WILL SNOW.

- WHOO, THIS GUY'S GOING TO THE WALL FOR US.

OKAY, WE'LL DO IT.

DARRYL, MAKE A LIST.

WE'LL NEED THE USUAL SUPPLIES:

CANNON BALL, FABRIC SOFTENER,

TWO POUNDS OF VEAL.

- OBVIOUSLY, YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

OH, THERE'S THE DEADLINE.

THEY NEED THAT SNOW BY ONE TOMORROW.

- THAT DOESN'T GIVE US MUCH TIME.

DARRYL, BETTER ADD TOMATOES.

- WELL, WE GOT A MOUNTAIN TO ASCEND.

- OH, I SHOULD WARN YOU,

THERE'S ONE LITTLE HITCH TO THIS SNOW-MAKING PROCESS.

- I KNOW YOU CAN'T GUARANTEE RESULTS.

- OH, NO, IT'LL SNOW ALL RIGHT.

IT'S JUST THAT ON A RUSH JOB LIKE THIS,

WE CAN'T PROMISE THAT TWO SNOWFLAKES WON'T LOOK ALIKE.

- DICK, DO YOU THINK IT'S GONNA SNOW IN TIME?

- I HATE TO THINK THAT LARRY, DARRYL AND DARRYL

BOUGHT TWO POUNDS OF VEAL FOR NOTHING.

- WHEN ARE WE GONNA START THIS MEETING?

- IT ISN'T SCHEDULED 'TIL 1. THAT'S IN THREE MINUTES.

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THREE MINUTES.

( indistinct chatter )

- JUST TELL US THE CARNIVAL'S CANCELED

SO WE CAN START PAINTING OUR "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS" SIGNS.

All Together: YEAH. C'MON.

- YOU MIGHT WANT TO MOVE THINGS ALONG.

IF THEY COME FOR YOU,

I CAN'T TAKE OUT MORE THAN SIX OF 'EM.

- I'M NOT SAYING THE MEETING'S STARTED, JUST LET'S TALK.

- IS THE CARNIVAL CANCELED?

- NOT EXACTLY.

- THEN IT'S ON?

- NOT EXACTLY. - SOME MAYOR.

CAN'T EVEN SPEAK OUT OF ONE SIDE OF HIS MOUTH.

- I'M GONNA TAKE A COUPLE OF STEPS AWAY FROM YOU RIGHT NOW.

IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

- LOOK, FOLKS, IT'S NOT AS HOPELESS AS YOU THINK.

I'VE HIRED SNOWMAKERS.

- SNOWMAKERS?

- YOU HIRED LARRY, DARRYL AND DARRYL?

- LET'S TAR AND FEATHER HIM.

- TOLD YOU.

- $2,000 DOWN THE DRAIN.

- WE'VE BEEN SWINDLED.

- WAIT, WAIT.

WAIT A MINUTE.

LARRY, DARRYL AND DARRYL MAY BE A LOT OF THINGS

BUT I'VE NEVER KNOWN THEM TO BE DISHONEST.

- OH, YEAH?

THIS MORNING, THEY CAME INTO THE BANK

AND CLEARED OUT ALL OF THEIR MONEY.

- AND THEIR CAFE IS ALL CLOSED UP.

EVEN THE CASH REGISTER'S GONE.

- WHOO!

SOUNDS LIKE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT FRAUD, EMBEZZLEMENT

AND, HA, HA, I LOVE THIS WORD, BUNKO.

- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

WE GAVE LARRY, DARRYL AND DARRYL

'TIL ONE O'CLOCK TO MAKE IT SNOW.

THE LEAST WE CAN DO IS TO WAIT UNTIL THE DEADLINE ARRIVES

BEFORE WE PASS JUDGMENT.

( clock strikes one )

- I'LL GO NAB 'EM.

- WELL, THAT'S IT.

I SADLY DECLARE THAT THE SNOW CARNIVAL

IS OFFICIALLY CANCELED.

UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES,

THE ONLY HONORABLE THING FOR ME TO DO IS RESIGN.

All together: YEAH.

- GOOD THING THIS ISN'T JAPAN.

YOU'D HAVE TO KILL YOURSELF.

- GOT 'EM.

THREE MALE CAUCS.

THEY DIDN'T PUT UP MUCH OF A STRUGGLE.

- WHY SHOULD WE? WE WAS HEADING HERE ANYWAY.

WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT?

- LARRY, THEY THINK THE SNOWMAKING THING WAS A SWINDLE.

- OH, DEAR.

I GUESS THEY DON'T HAVE THE FAITH IN US YOU DO.

- GO FIGURE.

- WHY'D YOU WITHDRAW ALL YOUR FUNDS

FROM THE BANK THIS MORNING?

- WE MOVED IT TO ANOTHER FINANCIAL INSTITUTION

THAT WAS PAYING SIGNIFICANTLY HIGHER INTEREST

AND GIVING AWAY TOASTERS.

- WHAT ABOUT THIS CASH REGISTER YOU'RE LUGGING AROUND?

- WE NEEDED IT TO ADD YOU UP AN ITEMIZED BILL.

- YOU NEVER HEARD OF A HAND CALCULATOR?

- YOU CAN GET ONE OF THESE THAT'LL FIT IN YOUR HAND?

- I WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING MORE IF I WERE YOU.

YOU BOYS COULD BE LOOKING AT THREE TO FIVE YEARS

OF KISSING YOUR HEINIES THROUGH PLATE GLASS.

Larry: I GUESS WE DESERVE IT.

WE PROMISED YOU SNOW

AND ALL YOU GOT WAS A SKY FULL OF ZILCH.

DARRYL, ARE YOU SURE YOU WAS NAKED AND FACING EAST

WHILE YOU WAS JUGGLING THEM CHIPMUNKS?

IT JUST DON'T FIGURE.

WE COVERED ALL BASES.

- IT'S SNOWING!

( excited chatter )

- BOY, IT'S REALLY COMING DOWN.

- YEAH. AND IT'S STICKING TOO.

- I WITHDRAW MY RESIGNATION

AND DECLARE THE SNOW CARNIVAL OFFICIALLY ON.

-All Together: YEAH!

( applause )

Larry: HERE'S YOUR CHECK BACK.

- LARRY, YOU EARNED IT. YOU MADE IT SNOW.

- THE DEADLINE WAS ONE.

WE WAS A MINUTE AND A HALF LATE.

BESIDES, THIS IS SHODDY WORKMANSHIP.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

- AS WE FEARED, TWO IDENTICAL FLAKES.

- CALLING ALL PERKY BLONDES,

YOUR ESCORT SERVICE IS HERE.

- I'M READY. HOW DO I LOOK?

- YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, STEPH.

- MICHAEL, WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS.

HOW AM I TO BE ADDRESSED?

- FORGIVE ME, YOUR ROYAL FROSTINESS.

AND THAT OUTFIT IS WORTH EVERY CENT OF THE $20 A DAY

IT'S COSTING ME TO RENT IT.

THE THING IS, THOUGH--

- YES, MICHAEL?

- THE SNOW CARNIVAL ENDED THREE WEEKS AGO...

YOUR ROYAL FROSTINESS.

( theme music playing )

- MEOW!