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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,068 --> 00:00:04,102 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:59,057 ( coughing ) 3 00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:01,026 - HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP? 4 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,227 - I JUST CAME DOWN TO GET A MAGAZINE. 5 00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:04,429 - I COULD HAVE BROUGHT IT TO YOU. 6 00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:06,364 HONEY, YOU'RE SICK. GO BACK UP TO BED. 7 00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:07,399 - I'M NOT SICK. 8 00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:09,533 I KEEP TELLING YOU, I FEEL GREAT. 9 00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:12,169 ( coughing ) 10 00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:16,641 - YEAH, AND YOU'LL SOUND GREAT TOO 11 00:01:16,676 --> 00:01:19,277 ONCE YOU'VE FINISHED COUGHING UP LINDA BLAIR. 12 00:01:20,613 --> 00:01:23,381 HONEY, C'MON, DOC WYLIE IS EXAMINING THE GUESTS. 13 00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:25,116 HE'LL GET TO YOU IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES. 14 00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:26,184 - HE'S ONLY GONNA CONFIRM 15 00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,619 WHAT I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU ALL ALONG. 16 00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:29,854 ( sneezing ) 17 00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,257 I'M FINE. 18 00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:34,692 ( phone ringing ) 19 00:01:36,997 --> 00:01:39,230 - HELLO, STRATFORD INN. 20 00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:40,698 OH, HI, MRS. VANDERKELLEN. 21 00:01:42,468 --> 00:01:44,569 IS STEPHANIE BUSY? 22 00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:48,573 YOU'RE IN LUCK. 23 00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:51,609 STEPHANIE, IT'S YOUR MOTHER. 24 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,047 - HERE, I WAS DOING THE MANTEL. 25 00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:01,986 MOMMY, OH, I'M TERRIBLE. 26 00:02:02,021 --> 00:02:04,889 WELL, I'M SURROUNDED BY SICK PEOPLE HERE. 27 00:02:04,924 --> 00:02:06,057 AND YOU KNOW, I DON'T EVEN LIKE BEING 28 00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:08,526 ON THE SAME PLANET WITH MUCUS. 29 00:02:11,364 --> 00:02:13,798 SPEND THE WEEKEND WITH YOU? 30 00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,034 OH, THAT SOUNDS NICE 31 00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:18,102 AND, UNDER THE DISGUSTING CIRCUMSTANCES, 32 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:21,739 I'M SURE DICK WOULD NOT LET ME GO. 33 00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:26,377 OH, DON'T SAY THAT ABOUT HIM, MOMMY. 34 00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:29,380 I'M NOT SAYING IT'S NOT TRUE, I'M SAYING IT'S NOT NICE. 35 00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:34,619 MAYBE WE SHOULD TALK LATER. 36 00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:39,758 - OHA, HOST AND CUPCAKE. 37 00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:40,792 - MICHAEL. 38 00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:44,696 - HOW'S YOUR DAY? - BETTER NOW. 39 00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:45,697 - NATCH. 40 00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:47,966 DICK, GREAT NEWS. 41 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,934 THIS SUNDAY, YOUR GUEST ON "VERMONT TODAY" 42 00:02:49,969 --> 00:02:53,672 IS NONE OTHER THAN THE ONE, THE ONLY, LIVE AND IN PERSON-- 43 00:02:54,774 --> 00:02:56,140 - MICHAEL, WHO IS IT? 44 00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:58,443 - THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNIVERSITY OF VERMONT. 45 00:02:58,478 --> 00:02:59,510 - YOU'RE KIDDING? 46 00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:01,178 I WANTED HIM ON THE SHOW SINCE WE STARTED 47 00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:02,947 BUT YOU KEPT REFUSING TO BOOK HIM. 48 00:03:02,982 --> 00:03:04,715 - WELL, DICK, THE TIMING WASN'T RIGHT. 49 00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:07,819 BUT THIS WEEK, THE WHISTLING CHIPMUNKS FELL THROUGH 50 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:11,522 AND THE RUMBA KING HAD A GROIN PULL. 51 00:03:11,557 --> 00:03:14,559 AND THE NEXT NAME ON MY LIST WAS THE PREZ. 52 00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:17,128 OH, AND I BROUGHT YOU THE BRAIN'S BIO. 53 00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:19,130 OH, IT'S NOT HERE. MUST BE IN THE TURBO Z. 54 00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:20,865 I'LL BE BACK IN A FLASH. 55 00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:21,933 MISS ME? 56 00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:23,969 - UH-HUH. - SAME HERE. 57 00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:32,276 - WELL, I EXAMINED YOUR SICK GUESTS AND YOUR WIFE. 58 00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:34,145 AND THEY'RE FINE. 59 00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:35,146 - REALLY? 60 00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:37,781 - YUP, APART FROM HAVING THE MEASLES. 61 00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,051 - MEASLES? 62 00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:43,020 - THEN THEY AREN'T REALLY FINE, ARE THEY? 63 00:03:43,055 --> 00:03:45,523 - IT CAN'T BE MEASLES. JOANNA DOESN'T HAVE SPOTS. 64 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:46,724 - ONE OR TWO. 65 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,460 - WELL, I DON'T WANT TO CATCH IT. 66 00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:52,463 ISN'T THERE A COLONY YOU CAN PUT HER IN OR SOMETHING? 67 00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:58,703 - NOW, NOW, MISS, IN THIS DAY AND AGE, 68 00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:01,072 YOU DON'T HAVE CAUSE TO BE AFRAID OF THE MEASLES. 69 00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:02,640 - MEASLES? YIKES. 70 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:05,543 - MICHAEL! 71 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:06,544 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 72 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:09,381 - STEPH, I CAN'T STAY, IT'S GERMORAMA IN THERE. 73 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,182 - BUT YOU FORGOT YOUR BRIEFCASE. 74 00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:12,183 - KEEP IT. 75 00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:13,184 IT'S PROBABLY CRAWLING WITH MEASLES, 76 00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:14,986 JUST WAITING TO JUMP ON MY FACE. 77 00:04:15,988 --> 00:04:16,988 - MICHAEL. 78 00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:20,925 MICHAEL, WHAT ABOUT THE BIO FOR THE SHOW? 79 00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:25,663 - NOW THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO KEEP 'EM IN BED 80 00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:27,465 AND KEEP THE FEVERS DOWN. 81 00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,634 YOU DON'T WANT TO RISK ANY COMPLICATIONS. 82 00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:33,238 IT'S ALL HERE IN THESE INSTRUCTIONS ON PATIENT CARE. 83 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:38,843 WELL, I'LL STOP BY TOMORROW FOR A SPOT CHECK, HA, HA, HA. 84 00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:46,017 - DICK, HERE'S SOME INSTRUCTIONS ON PATIENT CARE. 85 00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:49,687 OH, NO. 86 00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:52,123 IT'S ENOUGH I HAVE TO SCRUB TOILETS. 87 00:04:52,158 --> 00:04:56,160 PLEASE, DON'T MAKE ME STOOP TO TAKING CARE OF THE SICK. 88 00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:58,296 - HI, EVERYBODY. WHAT'S NEW? 89 00:04:58,331 --> 00:04:59,897 - THIS INN IS FULL OF PESTILENCE, 90 00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:01,199 PEOPLE ARE DROPPING LIKE FLIES 91 00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,768 AND THE DOCTOR SAYS THERE'S NOTHING HE CAN DO. 92 00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:06,004 - WHOA. 93 00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:09,073 A LOT CAN HAPPEN WHILE YOU ROTATE YOUR TIRES. 94 00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,310 - THAT'S JUST STEPHANIE'S WAY OF SAYING 95 00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:14,178 THERE ARE FIVE PEOPLE WITH THE MEASLES. 96 00:05:14,213 --> 00:05:17,248 - THAT'S THE WAY I TOOK IT, DICK. 97 00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,983 WHAT ELSE COULD SHE HAVE MEANT? 98 00:05:20,586 --> 00:05:22,687 BUT DON'T WORRY, YOU CAN COUNT ON MY HELP 99 00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:24,122 THROUGH THE WHOLE CRISIS. 100 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,157 I'VE NEVER BEEN SICK A DAY IN MY LIFE. 101 00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:28,226 - OH, YOU MUST HAVE COME FROM HEALTHY PARENTS. 102 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,061 - NO, DICK, THEY'RE DEAD. 103 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,601 - WELL, I GUESS WE BETTER CANCEL ALL THE RESERVATIONS 104 00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:38,269 AND CLOSE DOWN THE INN. 105 00:05:38,304 --> 00:05:40,038 IF WE DIVIDE UP THE LABOR, I SEE NO REASON 106 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:43,374 WHY THREE HEALTHY PEOPLE CAN'T HANDLE THIS. 107 00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:46,677 I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE A CHILD'S DISEASE. 108 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:51,616 RATS. 109 00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:52,983 RATS! 110 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,154 MORE RATS! 111 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,089 - DO YOU HAVE TO GET IN SUCH A TERRIBLE MOOD 112 00:05:58,125 --> 00:05:59,190 WHEN YOU'RE SICK? 113 00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:01,692 - NO. NOW SHUT UP. 114 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:04,963 DAMN. 115 00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:08,933 I HAD THIS PILLOW JUST RIGHT. NOW IT'S TOO HOT. 116 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:11,402 - HERE, DICK, TAKE MINE. 117 00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:14,572 - JOANNA, I SWEAR, IF YOU OFFER ME ONE MORE SACRIFICE, 118 00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,641 I AM GOING TO KILL YOU. 119 00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:19,210 - WILL YOU AT LEAST STOP EATING YOUR HEART OUT 120 00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:20,478 OVER THAT BIO? 121 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:21,712 - I CAN'T. I MEAN, IT'S NOT FAIR. 122 00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:22,947 I DON'T EVEN GET TO INTERVIEW 123 00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:26,083 THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNIVERSITY OF VERMONT. 124 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:28,253 SUMMA CUM LAUDE, FULBRIGHT SCHOLAR. 125 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:31,789 EVERY MOMENT OF HIS LIFE, ACTION-PACKED. 126 00:06:31,824 --> 00:06:35,760 - MAYBE YOU CAN TAKE YOUR MIND OFF OF IT IF WE WATCH TV. 127 00:06:39,031 --> 00:06:41,465 Announcer: ( on TV ) SLAM DUNK, MCHALE, 98-96, 128 00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:44,002 THE CELTICS HAVE 0 FOR THEIR 2. 129 00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,236 - THE CELTICS. 130 00:06:45,271 --> 00:06:48,172 I THOUGHT THERE'D BE NOTHING ON BUT A BUNCH OF SOAP OPERAS. 131 00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:50,207 ( gasping ) - THAT'S RIGHT. 132 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,113 Woman ( on TV ): I THOUGHT YOU DIED IN 133 00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:56,747 THAT ALASKAN HELICOPTER CRASH? 134 00:06:56,782 --> 00:07:00,350 Man: NO, CYNTHIA, THAT WAS MY SCHEMING LOOKALIKE . 135 00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:02,554 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 136 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:05,155 - THIS WOMAN HAS BEEN POSING AS CYNTHIA FOR TWO YEARS. 137 00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:07,658 ANY DAY NOW, SHE'S GONNA REVEAL HER TRUE IDENTITY. 138 00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:10,227 I AM DYING TO KNOW WHO SHE REALLY IS. 139 00:07:10,262 --> 00:07:13,164 - HONEY, THIS IS JUNK FOOD FOR THE MIND. 140 00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:14,232 LET'S TURN THE BASKETBALL GAME ON. 141 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,599 THERE COULD BE A FIGHT. 142 00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:18,669 ( basketball playing on television ) 143 00:07:18,705 --> 00:07:22,172 - I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO BE SO SELF-SACRIFICING? 144 00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:25,009 - THAT WASN'T ME, THAT WAS MY SCHEMING LOOKALIKE. 145 00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:28,479 ( door closing ) 146 00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:34,519 - WELL, IT'S TIME FOR EVERYBODY'S MEDICINE. 147 00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:38,288 STEPHANIE, ARE YOU STILL REARRANGING THOSE POSTCARDS? 148 00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:41,992 YOU'VE BEEN DOING THAT SINCE YESTERDAY AFTERNOON. 149 00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:45,529 - YEAH, AND I'M ALMOST FINISHED. 150 00:07:45,564 --> 00:07:46,797 - WAIT A MINUTE. 151 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:50,234 IT SEEMS TO ME YOU COULD HAVE FINISHED THAT BY THIS MORNING. 152 00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:54,439 MAYBE EVEN LATE YESTERDAY. 153 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:57,141 I'VE BEEN DOING ALL THIS WORK AROUND HERE 154 00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:58,943 AND YOU'VE BEEN DOING NOTHING. 155 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,412 WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THESE PILLS UPSTAIRS? 156 00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:03,547 - ALL RIGHT, GEORGE. 157 00:08:03,582 --> 00:08:05,016 YOU CAUGHT ME. 158 00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,751 I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING MY SHARE OF THE WORK. 159 00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:09,186 AND I'M GOING TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU, 160 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:12,589 STARTING WITH NOT TAKING THAT TRAY. 161 00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:14,191 - HUH? 162 00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:19,196 - GEORGE, AFTER WHAT I'VE DONE, WHY SHOULD I GET TO GO UPSTAIRS 163 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:25,536 AND BASK IN THE GRATITUDE OF THE TEMPORARILY DISFIGURED? 164 00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:30,274 VISITING, SOCIALIZING, YES, EVEN LAUGHING, 165 00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:32,443 WHILE YOU'RE STUCK DOWN HERE MANNING THE PHONE, 166 00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:36,414 ALONE, UNAPPRECIATED, FORGOTTEN. 167 00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:40,752 - I HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT. 168 00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:44,288 MAYBE I'LL JUST TAKE THESE PILLS UPSTAIRS MYSELF. 169 00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,290 ( phone ringing ) 170 00:08:46,325 --> 00:08:48,726 - OH, NO, IT'S STARTING ALREADY. 171 00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:52,029 ( phone ringing ) 172 00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:54,898 HELLO, STRATFORD INN. 173 00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:57,034 OH, HI, MICHAEL. 174 00:08:57,069 --> 00:09:00,571 YOU CAN'T BELIEVE HOW HARD I'M WORKING. 175 00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:03,774 AREN'T YOU GOING TO SAY, "POOR STEPH"? 176 00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:05,276 THANK YOU. 177 00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:07,678 WHAT? 178 00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:09,513 YEAH, IT'S STILL HERE. 179 00:09:10,649 --> 00:09:12,449 MICHAEL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME 180 00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:13,884 IT'S IN A SIDE COMPARTMENT. 181 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,652 IF IT'S A CHECK BOOK, I CAN FIND IT. 182 00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:21,259 ALL RIGHT, YOUR BALANCE IS... 183 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:24,528 $39.20? 184 00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:28,432 MICHAEL, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING WITH YOUR MONEY? 185 00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:31,002 OH, WELL, I'M WORTH IT. 186 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:35,572 YOU WANT TO TALK TO DICK? 187 00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:40,011 BUT I'D HAVE TO GO UPSTAIRS TO TELL HIM. 188 00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:42,313 OKAY, I'LL DO IT, 189 00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,949 FOR $39.20. 190 00:09:47,119 --> 00:09:50,521 - SAY, JOANNA, ISN'T THAT SOAP OPERA YOU LIKE ON NOW? 191 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,022 - YES, GEORGE. 192 00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:56,293 BUT SOME SELFISHNESS SEEMS TO BE INTERFERING WITH THE SIGNAL. 193 00:09:56,328 --> 00:09:57,729 - THAT'S TOO BAD. 194 00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:01,699 I HEAR THEY'RE GOING TO REVEAL CYNTHIA'S TRUE IDENTITY TODAY. 195 00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,203 - DICK, MICHAEL'S ON THE PHONE. 196 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,404 Dick: STEPHANIE, AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE, 197 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,572 WOULD YOU CLEAR AWAY THE LUNCH DISHES? 198 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:09,840 - NO, NO, DICK. 199 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,477 THAT'S MY JOB. 200 00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:16,047 STEPHANIE'S NOT GONNA MAKE A FOOL OUT OF ME AGAIN. 201 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,721 - MICHAEL? 202 00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:28,459 YOU HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS? WHAT IS IT? 203 00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:31,496 REPLACING ME WAS EASIER THAN YOU EVER DREAMED. 204 00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:34,365 WHO DID YOU GET? 205 00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:38,136 YOU'RE GOING AFTER ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER. 206 00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:43,641 WHAT THE HELL HAS HE GOT TO TALK TO A UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT ABOUT? 207 00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:46,677 NOTHING, BUT YOU CAN PROMOTE IT 208 00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:48,812 AS "THE TERMINATOR AND THE EDUCATOR." 209 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,951 MICHAEL, SCHWARZENEGGER WILL NEVER DO THE SHOW. 210 00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:57,821 YES, HE COULD PASS UP A TITLE LIKE THAT. 211 00:10:57,857 --> 00:10:59,357 GOODBYE, MICHAEL. 212 00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:02,760 ( soap opera on television ) 213 00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:05,196 WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CELTICS? 214 00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:08,900 Woman: ALL RIGHT, I CONFESS, FOR TWO YEARS NOW 215 00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:12,569 I'VE BEEN MASQUERADING AS YOUR LOVING STEP AUNT CYNTHIA 216 00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,238 BUT IT'S ALL BEEN A SHAM. 217 00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:16,407 IN REALITY, I AM-- 218 00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:18,575 Announcer: ( on TV ) ( indistinct ) MAXWELL. 219 00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:20,043 AND THERE'S THE BUZZER. 220 00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:21,912 IN ALL MY YEARS OF BROADCASTING, 221 00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:25,549 THAT IS THE MOST INCREDIBLE SHOT I'VE EVER WITNESSED. 222 00:11:25,584 --> 00:11:26,784 - WHAT? 223 00:11:26,819 --> 00:11:28,185 WHAT SHOT? 224 00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:29,187 Announcer: I WOULD LIKE TO SHOW THE REPLAY 225 00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,387 BUT WE'RE OUT OF TIME. 226 00:11:30,422 --> 00:11:32,123 JOIN US AGAIN THURSDAY FOR THE CEL-- 227 00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:34,058 Woman: THEN YOU FORGIVE ME? 228 00:11:34,093 --> 00:11:35,659 Man: OF COURSE I DO, 229 00:11:35,694 --> 00:11:38,262 NOW THAT YOU'VE TOLD ME YOUR TRUE IDENTITY. 230 00:11:38,297 --> 00:11:40,364 TO ME, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE CYNTHIA 231 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,833 AND WE SHALL NEVER SPEAK OF THAT AGAIN . 232 00:11:48,974 --> 00:11:53,077 - I HOPE YOUR SPOTS GET BIGGER AND YOUR FACE EXPLODES. 233 00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:58,315 ( music playing ) 234 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,454 - TOUGH BREAK, STEPHANIE. 235 00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:06,289 BUT DOC WYLIE ASKED ME TO CHANGE THE SHEETS 236 00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:09,360 ON ALL THE SICKROOM BEDS. 237 00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:15,099 - OKAY, GEORGE, BUT NOW YOU OWE ME. 238 00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:21,372 - WHEN DID WE GET ALL THESE STEPS? 239 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,274 Stephanie: GEORGE, 240 00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:24,574 YOU'RE NOT SICK TOO? 241 00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:26,577 - I DON'T KNOW. 242 00:12:26,612 --> 00:12:28,779 DOES BEING SICK MEAN YOUR HEAD'S HOT, 243 00:12:28,814 --> 00:12:32,383 YOUR THROAT'S SORE AND YOUR LEGS FEEL LIKE GINGER ALE? 244 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:33,885 - YES. 245 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,054 - GEE, I HAVEN'T FELT THAT WELL SINCE THURSDAY. 246 00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:40,824 - GEORGE, YOU OWE ME, REMEMBER? 247 00:12:40,859 --> 00:12:42,059 DON'T BE SICK. 248 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,694 - WELL, I'M THROUGH. 249 00:12:43,729 --> 00:12:45,997 ( breathing heavily ) 250 00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:47,097 MAYBE NOT. 251 00:12:48,901 --> 00:12:50,367 SAY "AGHH." 252 00:12:50,402 --> 00:12:53,003 - HUH? - THAT'S CLOSE ENOUGH. 253 00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:55,105 YEAH, THAT'S THE MEASLES ALL RIGHT. 254 00:12:55,140 --> 00:12:57,208 YOU GO AND LIE DOWN IN AN UPSTAIRS ROOM 255 00:12:57,243 --> 00:13:00,311 WHERE THIS LITTLE LADY CAN LOOK AFTER YOU. 256 00:13:00,346 --> 00:13:01,378 - BOY, ARE YOU LUCKY? 257 00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:03,714 I ONLY HAD FIVE PEOPLE TO TAKE CARE OF. 258 00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,816 YOU'VE GOT SIX. 259 00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:11,321 - UH, DOC WYLIE? 260 00:13:11,356 --> 00:13:12,322 - YEAH? 261 00:13:12,357 --> 00:13:15,159 ( coughing ) 262 00:13:15,194 --> 00:13:17,027 - I'M SICK TOO. 263 00:13:18,163 --> 00:13:19,797 - YOU LOOK PERFECT TO ME. 264 00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:21,999 - WELL, OF COURSE. 265 00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:24,835 BUT I JUST KNOW I'M GETTING MEASLES. 266 00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,671 I'VE GOTTEN EVERYTHING ELSE I'VE EVER WANTED. 267 00:13:30,576 --> 00:13:31,608 - I'M SORRY. 268 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,211 THERE'S NOTHING MEDICALLY WRONG WITH YOU. 269 00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:37,148 - BUT I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF A HOUSE FULL OF SICK PEOPLE. 270 00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:38,782 - I SUPPOSE YOU COULD USE A NURSE. 271 00:13:38,817 --> 00:13:40,317 - GREAT. WHERE CAN I GET ONE? 272 00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,085 - YOU CAN'T. AIN'T YOU HEARD? 273 00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:44,355 THERE'S A MEASLES EPIDEMIC. 274 00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:46,290 LOOKS TO ME LIKE YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. 275 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:56,467 ( music playing ) 276 00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:59,670 Dick: STEPHANIE, I ASKED FOR ASPIRIN, 277 00:13:59,705 --> 00:14:02,039 NOT FLINTSTONE VITAMINS. 278 00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:09,780 - I'M PRETTY SURE DOC WYLIE SAID YOU CAN SUBSTITUTE TWO WILMAS. 279 00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:12,783 ( knocking on door ) 280 00:14:12,818 --> 00:14:14,118 - STEPH! 281 00:14:14,153 --> 00:14:15,786 - MICHAEL. 282 00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:19,257 IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. 283 00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:21,191 - SAME HERE. 284 00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:23,628 LISTEN, STEPH, I NEED SOMETHING FROM MY BRIEFCASE. 285 00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:24,962 COULD YOU CHECK MY "WEEK AT A GLANCE" 286 00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:26,897 AND SEE WHAT TIME MY MEETING IS ON TUESDAY? 287 00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:30,334 - MICHAEL, YOU CARE MORE ABOUT THAT STUPID, STUPID BRIEFCASE 288 00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:31,535 THAN ME. 289 00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:34,805 - UNTRUE, STEPH. THAT'S TUESDAY, THE 25TH. 290 00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:36,774 - LET'S SEE. 291 00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:40,410 BLOW DRYER, BREATH SPRAY, 292 00:14:40,445 --> 00:14:42,546 SPANISH-ENGLISH DICTIONARY. 293 00:14:42,581 --> 00:14:44,615 HERE'S YOUR "WEEK AT A GLANCE." 294 00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:49,387 TUESDAY, THE 25TH. 295 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:53,490 YOUR MEETING'S AT 10:15 AND YOU'RE PLANNING TO SAY, 296 00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:56,593 "GOOD MORNING, CORPORATE CABALLEROS." 297 00:14:57,997 --> 00:14:59,930 - GREAT, THANKS. BYE, STEPH. 298 00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:01,565 - MICHAEL! 299 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,635 DON'T YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE HELL I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH? 300 00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:06,636 Michael: SEE YOU AFTER THE EPIDEMIC. 301 00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:13,010 Dick: STEPHANIE, WHERE IS THAT ASPIRIN? 302 00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:14,678 - EUGH, EUGH, EUGH! 303 00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:34,898 HELLO, MOMMY, HOW ARE YOU? 304 00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:36,233 HOW'S DADDY? 305 00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:38,902 ME? 306 00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:41,772 I'M UP TO MY WAIST IN USED TISSUES. 307 00:15:44,576 --> 00:15:45,876 WHAT? 308 00:15:45,911 --> 00:15:47,611 SPEND A COUPLE OF DAYS WITH YOU? 309 00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:49,146 MOMMY, WE'VE BEEN ALL THROUGH THIS. 310 00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:50,514 IT'S OUT OF THE QUESTION. 311 00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:53,984 OKAY, HOW SOON CAN YOU SEND THE CAR? 312 00:15:54,019 --> 00:15:55,152 SEE YOU. 313 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:02,693 ( music playing ) 314 00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:05,729 - IS THAT THE LAST LOZENGE? 315 00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:06,763 - YEAH. 316 00:16:09,068 --> 00:16:10,233 DO YOU WANT IT? 317 00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:12,335 - OH, NO, I FEEL FINE. 318 00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:18,042 - YOU WANT IT, DON'T YOU? 319 00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:20,911 - YOU NEED IT. I DON'T. 320 00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:23,814 ( coughing ) 321 00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:28,752 - HI, DICK, JOANNA. 322 00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:30,921 JUST BRINGING YOU A LITTLE SNACK. 323 00:16:32,758 --> 00:16:35,392 - HI. LOOKS LIKE THERE'S ENOUGH THERE FOR THREE DAYS. 324 00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:36,660 - YOU THINK SO? 325 00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:41,431 Joanna: STEPHANIE, WHY ARE YOU ALL DRESSED UP? 326 00:16:41,466 --> 00:16:42,800 - THIS? 327 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,434 THIS IS NOTHING. 328 00:16:44,469 --> 00:16:45,969 DON'T YOU KNOW THAT ONE OF THE SYMPTOMS OF MEASLES 329 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:49,073 IS OVERRATING PEOPLE'S CLOTHES? 330 00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:51,142 - IS THERE A BANANA IN THERE? 331 00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,108 - THERE'S ONE LEFT. 332 00:16:55,113 --> 00:16:56,447 - GIVE IT TO JOANNA. 333 00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:57,481 - I DON'T WANT IT. 334 00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:59,183 - SURE, YOU SAY THAT NOW BUT IF I EAT IT, 335 00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:01,885 YOU'LL START MAKING NOISES LIKE A MONKEY. 336 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,322 - WELL, IF THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT, 337 00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:10,226 YOU BETTER TELL ME NOW BECAUSE, WELL, JUST BECAUSE. 338 00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:12,429 - NO, STEPHANIE, YOU'VE DONE SO MUCH. 339 00:17:12,464 --> 00:17:14,298 I JUST WISH I COULD HELP YOU. 340 00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:17,000 IT ISN'T EASY TAKING CARE OF US AND GEORGE AND THE GUESTS 341 00:17:17,035 --> 00:17:20,170 ALL BY YOURSELF AND WE REALLY APPRECIATE IT, RIGHT, DICK? 342 00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,238 - YEAH, RIGHT. 343 00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:23,307 I'M STILL WAITING FOR MY ASPIRIN. 344 00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:29,145 - AND I'LL JUST LEAVE THIS HERE. 345 00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:31,148 IT'LL KEEP FOR DAYS. 346 00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:34,384 - ONCE AGAIN, WE REALIZE THE SACRIFICES YOU'VE BEEN MAKING 347 00:17:34,419 --> 00:17:37,354 AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW MUCH WE REALLY APPRECIATE-- 348 00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:38,589 - STOP IT! 349 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:40,824 I MEAN, THANK YOU. 350 00:17:43,462 --> 00:17:47,597 - STEPHANIE, IS EVERYTHING OKAY? 351 00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:48,565 - WELL-- 352 00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:49,533 - HONEY, IT'S TIME FOR "VERMONT TODAY." 353 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,468 I WANT TO SEE WHO MICHAEL GOT TO HOST. 354 00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:53,437 - OH, YEAH, ME TOO. 355 00:17:53,472 --> 00:17:56,173 - WELL, 356 00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,774 TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES. 357 00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:02,379 Announcer: ( on TV ) AND NOW VERMONT TODAY STARRING DICK LOUDON. 358 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,748 SITTING IN FOR DICK THIS AFTERNOON IS GUEST HOST, 359 00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:06,850 BINKY THE CLOWN. 360 00:18:09,288 --> 00:18:10,587 - WHAT? 361 00:18:10,622 --> 00:18:11,988 - NOW, HONEY, DON'T GET UPSET. 362 00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:13,857 MAYBE IT WON'T BE SO BAD. 363 00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:17,460 Binky: HI, I'M BINKY AND GOSH AND GOLLY, 364 00:18:17,496 --> 00:18:20,698 I'M SO HAPPY BECAUSE WE GET TO MEET THE PRESIDENT 365 00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:23,867 OF THE UNIVERSITY OF VERMONT. 366 00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:25,402 HI, MR. PRESIDENT . 367 00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:26,436 ( horn beeps ) 368 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,206 - YOU'RE RIGHT, HONEY. 369 00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:30,574 THE FIRST THING YOU DO WHEN YOU MEET A SCHOLAR 370 00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,609 IS BEEP HIS NOSE. 371 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:37,347 ( music playing ) 372 00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:48,058 - OH, NO, I HAVE TO FIX THE DRAIN. 373 00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:50,227 - GEORGE, WHY AREN'T YOU IN BED? 374 00:18:50,262 --> 00:18:53,830 - BED? NO, I HAVE A LOT TO DO. 375 00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:58,635 BESIDES, YOU SAID YOU'D TEACH ME TO USE A WRENCH. 376 00:18:58,670 --> 00:19:00,170 - ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 377 00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:02,973 - OH, SURE. I'D BETTER HURRY 378 00:19:03,008 --> 00:19:06,009 OR I'LL BE LATE FOR THE PEP RALLY. 379 00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:07,844 ARE YOU COMING, DAD? 380 00:19:10,515 --> 00:19:12,683 - OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE BURNING UP. 381 00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:14,051 YOU BETTER LIE DOWN. 382 00:19:15,787 --> 00:19:20,724 - DAD, ARE YOU MAD 'CAUSE I VARNISHED THE CAT? 383 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,994 - OF COURSE I'M NOT MAD. 384 00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:26,363 - THEN HOW COME I'M GROUNDED? 385 00:19:26,365 --> 00:19:31,135 - GEORGE, JUST LIE THERE AND DON'T MOVE. 386 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,677 HELLO, IS DOC WYLIE THERE? 387 00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:43,046 CAN YOU TELL HIM TO COME TO THE STRATFORD INN RIGHT AWAY? 388 00:19:43,081 --> 00:19:44,515 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HE HAS AN EMERGENCY? 389 00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:46,283 THIS IS A BIGGER EMERGENCY. 390 00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:47,951 IT AFFECTS ME. 391 00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:52,656 WELL, TELL HIM TO GET HERE AS SOON AS HE CAN. 392 00:19:55,994 --> 00:19:57,961 - 'SCUSE ME, ARE YOU MISS VANDERKELLEN? 393 00:19:57,996 --> 00:19:59,362 - YES. 394 00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:01,966 - YOUR LIMO'S HERE. ARE THESE YOUR BAGS? 395 00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,567 - WHO IS IT, DAD? 396 00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:05,835 IS THAT MY DATE? 397 00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:13,978 GEE, THAT MUSIC'S PRETTY. 398 00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:18,782 - OH, PISH! 399 00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:20,217 I'M NOT GOING. 400 00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:21,218 LEAVE THE BAGS. 401 00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:22,219 - BUT, MISS? 402 00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:24,021 - TELL MY PARENTS I'M NOT COMING. 403 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,688 THANK YOU FOR MAKING SUCH A LONG DRIVE 404 00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:28,425 AND, BY THE WAY, YOU'VE BEEN EXPOSED TO MEASLES. 405 00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:31,962 - THANKS A LOT, DAD. 406 00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:35,098 NOW I'LL HAVE TO GO STAG. 407 00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:40,303 - HERE, DRINK THIS. 408 00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:42,806 IT'LL BRING YOUR FEVER DOWN, 409 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:43,841 I HOPE. 410 00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:07,097 - HEY, YOU'RE NOT DAD. 411 00:21:08,166 --> 00:21:10,934 - GEORGE, YOU'RE GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT. 412 00:21:10,969 --> 00:21:13,002 - SURE. 413 00:21:13,038 --> 00:21:15,139 THANKS, MOM. 414 00:21:19,611 --> 00:21:22,412 ( music playing ) 415 00:21:30,422 --> 00:21:31,888 - STEPHANIE? 416 00:21:31,923 --> 00:21:33,023 - SHH. 417 00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,226 CAN'T YOU SEE THAT GEORGE IS ASLEEP? 418 00:21:36,261 --> 00:21:37,694 HE WAS UP HALF THE NIGHT. 419 00:21:37,729 --> 00:21:39,429 - IS HE ALL RIGHT? WHAT HAPPENED? 420 00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:40,530 - DON'T WORRY. HE'S FINE NOW. 421 00:21:40,565 --> 00:21:41,998 WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN HERE? 422 00:21:42,033 --> 00:21:43,066 - WE WERE HUNGRY. 423 00:21:43,101 --> 00:21:46,769 THE SALAMI LOST ITS FLAVOR ON THE BEDPOST OVERNIGHT. 424 00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:50,073 - WE'RE FEELING A LITTLE BETTER. 425 00:21:50,109 --> 00:21:52,209 WE THOUGHT WE'D FIX OUR OWN BREAKFAST. 426 00:21:52,244 --> 00:21:53,143 - WELL, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER, 427 00:21:53,178 --> 00:21:54,311 DOESN'T MEAN YOU'VE RECOVERED. 428 00:21:54,346 --> 00:21:55,846 NOW GET BACK TO BED AND I'LL BE UP IN A FEW MINUTES 429 00:21:55,881 --> 00:21:58,248 WITH A NICE HOT BREAKFAST FOR EVERYBODY. 430 00:21:59,417 --> 00:22:01,284 - DICK, WE'RE HALLUCINATING. 431 00:22:02,487 --> 00:22:05,956 - I HOPE TO GOD THAT EXPLAINS BINKY THE CLOWN. 432 00:22:11,597 --> 00:22:14,431 - OH, GEEZ, WHAT AM I DOING DOWN HERE? 433 00:22:14,466 --> 00:22:16,099 STEPHANIE! 434 00:22:16,134 --> 00:22:18,001 - HOW ARE YOU FEELING? 435 00:22:18,036 --> 00:22:20,938 - OH, FINE. 436 00:22:20,973 --> 00:22:24,575 I HAD THE STRANGEST DREAM. 437 00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:26,677 MY MOTHER WAS THERE, 438 00:22:26,712 --> 00:22:29,145 MY FATHER WAS THERE 439 00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:36,219 AND I WENT TO A PEP RALLY AND THERE WAS THIS BEAUTIFUL ANGEL. 440 00:22:36,255 --> 00:22:39,155 - OH, GEORGE. 441 00:22:39,190 --> 00:22:40,924 THAT WAS ME. 442 00:22:42,628 --> 00:22:44,628 - NO, IT WAS A GUY IN A CHAUFFEUR'S CAP 443 00:22:44,663 --> 00:22:46,496 CARRYING LUGGAGE. 444 00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:51,367 - GO BACK TO SLEEP, GEORGE, YOU'RE STILL DELIRIOUS. 445 00:22:57,242 --> 00:23:00,243 ( theme music playing ) 446 00:23:26,438 --> 00:23:27,537 - MEOW! 31869

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