Original subtitles

( music playing )

- UH, DICK.

"NEW ENGLAND LIFE" IS LOOKING FOR SUBMISSIONS

FOR THEIR "MOST MEMORABLE CHARACTER" COLUMN

AND I'VE DECIDED I-- I WANT TO WRITE ONE.

- OH, THAT'S GREAT, GEORGE.

WHO-- WHO YOU GONNA WRITE ABOUT?

- DO THE INITIALS D.L. TELL YOU ANYTHING?

- WELL, I'M EITHER FLATTERED OR SURPRISED

THAT YOU KNOW DOROTHY LAMOUR.

- NO, NO. IT'S YOU, DICK.

YOU UNFORGETTABLE LUG.

( chuckling )

- GEORGE, I'M NOT-- I'M NOT SURE I'M...

NOT SURE I'M COLORFUL ENOUGH

TO QUALIFY AS A "MOST MEMORABLE CHARACTER."

- DICK, WHAT-- WHAT IS THIS?

- OH, THEY HAVE A NEW DONUT SHOP IN TOWN AND I--

I GOT ONE OF EACH KIND.

IT'S A KIND OF RESEARCH.

- AND YOU SAY YOU'RE NOT COLORFUL.

( chuckling )

"MAKES PIG OF HIMSELF

AND CALLS IT RESEARCH."

- HI, HONEY.

STEPHANIE AND I ARE GOING TO DO OUR AEROBICS.

WANT TO JOIN US?

- DAMN.

I'VE GOT MY LEOTARDS IN WOOLITE.

- OKAY, LET'S START.

( music playing )

- ONE AND TWO AND MAKE IT BURN.

THREE AND FOUR AND ONE AND TWO AND THREE...

- UH, EXCUSE ME.

IS THIS AN AEROBICS CLASS?

- WELL, I WOULDN'T CALL IT A CLASS, EXACTLY.

- I'D BE WILLING TO PAY.

- THEN IT'S A CLASS.

- STEPHANIE.

- WE CHARGE SIX DOLLARS A SESSION.

- THERE'S NO CHARGE.

YOU'RE WELCOME TO JOIN US.

- WONDERFUL!

I'LL GO CHANGE AND BE RIGHT BACK.

- JOANNA!

YOU'RE TOO NICE. NOW, STOP IT.

THAT'S THE THIRD PERSON THIS WEEK

WHO'S ASKED TO JOIN US.

DON'T YOU SEE THAT OUR WELL-FORMED DERRIERES

ARE SITTING ON A GOLD MINE HERE?

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- OPENING AN AEROBICS STUDIO.

WE'LL RENT A LITTLE STORE IN TOWN

AND THEN WE'LL FRANCHISE.

WE'LL MAKE EXERCISE RECORDS, BOOKS, TAPES,

AND EVENTUALLY WE'LL BUY OUT JANE FONDA

AND FORCE HER BACK INTO THE MOVIES WHERE SHE BELONGS.

- BUT STEPHANIE, STARTING A BUSINESS TAKES MONEY.

- WE CAN GET MONEY.

I'LL BORROW SOME FROM DADDY

AND IF YOU COULD COME UP WITH $500,

WE'D BE IN BUSINESS.

- WELL, THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE TOO MUCH.

BUT I'D HAVE TO DISCUSS IT WITH DICK.

HE'D DISCUSS IT WITH ME.

- POOR JOANNA.

( snorts ) THIS MARRIAGE SOUNDS ALMOST FIFTY-FIFTY.

- WE'RE THINKING OF SEEKING HELP.

- DICK, COULD I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

WELL, NO. FORGET IT.

I'M SORRY, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S A STUPID IDEA.

- HONEY, I GOTTA CALL 'EM LIKE I SEE 'EM.

- WHAT'S THAT?

- THE DEVIL DIALER 5000.

ISN'T SHE A BEAUTY? - WHAT DOES "SHE" DO?

- SPEED DIALS UP TO 180 PHONE NUMBERS...

...LIKE THAT.

- WHY WOULD YOU WANT...THAT?

- HONEY, IN-- IN THE AVERAGE LIFE,

24 HOURS IS SPENT DIALING THE PHONE.

NOW, WHEN I GO, I DON'T WANT TO SAY, "OH, NO!

I WASTED A WHOLE DAY OF MY LIFE..."

( tapping )

- ...DOING THAT.

- WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE FIGURES?

- THE-- THE SALESMAN WAS PRETTY SURE.

- DICK, HOW MUCH DID THIS COST?

- IT'S ALSO GREAT IN TIMES OF EMERGENCY.

NOW, I'VE ALREADY PROGRAMMED THE PHONE NUMBERS

FOR THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, THE POLICE DEPARTMENT,

THE DOCTOR, THE--

THE ANIMAL SHELTER...

WELL, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE ADOPTING A PET,

SECONDS COUNT.

- HOW MUCH WAS IT?

- IT'S ALSO A SPEAKERPHONE.

NOW, NORMALLY THIS KIND OF TECHNOLOGY...

- DICK. - $260

- OH. THAT'S FINE.

- IT-- IT IS? - YES.

YOU'RE ENTITLED TO YOUR TOYS NOW AND THEN

AND I'M ENTITLED TO MY EXPENDITURES.

- HOW MUCH?

- FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS.

- FOR WHAT?

- TO OPEN AN AEROBICS STUDIO WITH STEPHANIE.

- AH.

HONEY, I-- I DON'T THINK VERMONT IS READY FOR AEROBICS

AND I DON'T THINK STEPHANIE IS--

IS READY FOR ANYTHING.

- I THINK I'VE DEMONSTRATED

THAT IF ANYBODY CAN GET STEPHANIE TO PUT HER NOSE

TO THE GRINDSTONE, I CAN.

- ( blowing )

MUST BE GRINDSTONE DUST.

- ARE YOU SAYING YOU DON'T THINK I COULD SUCCEED AT THIS?

- HONEY, I'M SAYING

YOU COULD PROBABLY SUCCEED AT ANY WORTHWHILE ENTERPRISE.

IT'S JUST THAT...

- THAT AEROBICS ISN'T A WORTHWHILE ENTERPRISE?

- I'M-- I'M SURE IT'S A WORTHWHILE ENTERPRISE

TO PEOPLE WHO ARE FOND OF THAT KIND OF THING.

- THEN YOU'RE SAYING IT'S WORTHWHILE

AND I COULD SUCCEED AT IT?

- IT SURE SOUNDS LIKE I AM.

- HONEY, THANK YOU.

I'M REALLY GONNA MAKE THIS WORK.

- AND-- AND TO THINK WHEN YOU CAME IN HERE YOU--

YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A STUPID IDEA.

( laughing )

- DICK, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GIVE ME A HAND

WITH MY "MOST MEMORABLE CHARACTER" ARTICLE?

- OH, I GUESS SO, GEORGE.

WHAT-- WHAT KIND OF HAND DO YOU NEED?

- WOULD YOU WRITE IT?

- GEORGE, YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO THAT.

- GIVE ME SOMETHING, DICK.

YOU'RE THE MOST MEMORABLE CHARACTER I'VE EVER MET,

BUT FOR THE LIFE OF ME I CAN'T REMEMBER WHY.

SO, TELL ME, IN YOUR OWN WORDS,

JUST WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU'RE SO DOGGONE SPECIAL.

- WELL, UH, ( coughs )

GEORGE, YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SAYING THIS IS--

THIS IS THE BEST EXAMPLE BY-- BY ANY MEANS, BUT RIGHT OFF--

RIGHT OFF THE TOP, MY PUBLISHER SAYS THAT--

THAT MY-- MY MANUSCRIPTS HAVE FEWER TYPOS

THAN HE HAS EVER SEEN.

YOU-- YOU CAN USE THAT.

- UH, "FEWEST TYPOS HE'S EVER SEEN."

BOY, THIS IS GREAT STUFF, DICK.

YOU UNDERSTAND, IF I START TO RUN ALONG,

I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO USE EVERYTHING.

( pacy aerobics music )

- AND ONE AND TWO AND WORK THAT BODY.

FEEL THE BURN!

IF IT DOESN'T HURT, YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT.

( sighs )

I'M TIRED. THAT'S ENOUGH.

OKAY, THAT'S OUR FIRST CLASS.

I THINK YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO APPLAUD ME.

( applause )

- THANK YOU.

- HI. I'M LARRY.

THIS IS MY BROTHER DARRYL,

AND THIS IS MY OTHER BROTHER DARRYL.

- HI, FELLAS. WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU?

- WELL, DARRYL HERE'S BECOME A PORKER.

THE PROBLEM SEEMS TO BE TOO MANY BETWEEN-MEAL CRITTERS.

WE WAS WONDERIN' IF HE COULD TAKE UP A SPACE OR TWO

IN YOUR CLASS.

- SURE. WE'RE JUST ABOUT TO START.

WHY DON'T YOU AND DARRYL JOIN US TOO?

YOU COULD CHANGE RIGHT IN THERE.

- OKAY.

OH, BY THE WAY, WE'D PREFER NOT TO DO ANY PELVIC TILTS.

WE'RE HAPPY WITH DARRYL'S BUTTOCKS

THE WAY THEY ARE.

- OKAY, EVERYBODY. LET'S START.

( music playing )

ALL RIGHT!

- HI, ALL. CAPTAIN VIDEO'S HERE.

- HI, MICHAEL.

- WHAT'S GOING ON?

- WE'RE GOING TO SHOOT A COMMERCIAL.

- OH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.

OKAY.

- UH, JOANNA, YOU'LL HAVE TO MOVE.

APPARENTLY PART OF YOU IS STILL IN THE PICTURE.

- STEPHANIE, YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T WANT ME IN THE...

- CAN YOU CHAT LATER, JOANNA?

I'VE GOT TO GET THIS CAMERA BACK TO THE NEWS TEAM.

THAT WAREHOUSE FIRE ISN'T GONNA BURN FOREVER.

AND, ACTION.

- OKAY, CLASS. TOE TOUCH.

AND ONE AND TWO.

OH, HI.

I'M STEPHANIE, THE FABULOUS FORM OF "FABULOUS FORMS,"

AND IF YOU WOMEN WANNA LOOK LIKE ME, FORGET IT.

BUT PERHAPS TWO-THIRDS OF MY BEAUTY CAN BE YOURS

BY SIGNING UP FOR THE SPECIAL EXERCISE PROGRAM

WE CALL "STEPHACIZE."

I'LL BE SEEING YOU,

BUT BEST OF ALL, YOU'LL BE SEEING ME.

AND ONE AND TWO AND STEPHACIZE.

- AND CUT.

( chuckling ) THAT WAS PERFECT, STEPH.

I-- I LAUGHED, I CRIED.

YOU PUT ME THROUGH ALL THE CHANGES.

WELL, THAT'S A WRAP.

BETWEEN THIS AND THAT WAREHOUSE FIRE,

THIS CAMERA'S GONNA SEE A LOT OF HEAT TODAY.

( giggling )

- "STEPHACIZE"?

- YEAH, "VANDERKELLENCIZE" WOULD NEVER FIT ON A TEE-SHIRT.

- HOW COME YOU SHOT A COMMERCIAL WITHOUT ME?

- LATER, JOANNA. I HAVE A CLASS TO TEACH.

- I THOUGHT I WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE THIS ONE.

- WELL, THAT'S SWEET, BUT LOOK AT THAT WINDOW.

FILTH, FILTH, FILTH.

I'D PREFER YOU DID THAT.

BOY, IS IT A RELIEF TO HAVE SOME HELP FOR A CHANGE.

- STEPHANIE, I THINK I'M ENTITLED

TO SOME SAY AROUND HERE.

I PUT UP $500.

- WELL, I PUT UP $2,000.

- YOU DID? - YES.

AND THAT MAKES THIS PLACE MORE MINE THAN YOURS.

THIS ISN'T THE INN, JOANNA.

HERE, YOU WORK FOR ME.

- I WORK FOR YOU?

- WELL, NOT AT THE MOMENT.

YOU'RE JUST STANDING THERE.

- LOOK, I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA BE EQUAL PARTNERS.

- GEE, JOANNA, WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?

AFTER ALL, THIS WHOLE THING WAS MY IDEA.

I PUT UP FOUR TIMES THE MONEY.

I BOUGHT THE MERCHANDISE

AND THE FITNESS PROGRAM IS CALLED "STEPHACIZE."

- YOU NAMED IT "STEPHACIZE."

- OF COURSE I DID. THIS WHOLE THING WAS MY IDEA.

I PUT UP FOUR TIMES THE MONEY.

- STEPHANIE, IF THIS IS YOUR PLACE,

THEN I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT I WANT TO BE...

- HI, GORGEOUS. - HONEY!

YOU MADE IT TO THE GRAND OPENING.

- I WOULDN'T HAVE MISSED IT FOR THE WORLD,

AND BESIDES, THE DONUT SHOP IS RIGHT NEXT DOOR.

OPENING DAY AND YOU'RE STILL OPEN.

I'M IMPRESSED.

- WE HAPPEN TO BE GETTING OUR FAIR SHARE OF CUSTOMERS.

- YOU CERTAINLY ATTRACTED THE TRENDSETTERS.

- DARRYL, IF YOU EAT THEM DONUTS,

DARRYL AND ME WILL HAVE TO WALK AHEAD OF YOU

GREASING DOORJAMBS.

- ANY PROBLEM KEEPING STEPHANIE'S NOSE

TO THE GRINDSTONE?

- FOR YOUR INFORMATION, SHE'S BEEN NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER

AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.

- FINE.

NO NEED FOR ME TO WISH YOU A NICE DAY.

- AND TWO AND THREE.

ONE, TWO, AND THREE AND FOUR.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

( music playing )

- DICK, I THINK MY TROUBLES

WITH MY "MOST MEMORABLE CHARACTER" PIECE ARE OVER.

I READ A BUNCH OF THE OTHER ARTICLES

AND I THINK I KNOW WHAT THEY'RE LOOKING FOR.

SO, DICK, HAVE YOU EVER SAFELY LANDED A JUMBO JET

AFTER THE PILOT AND COPILOT ARE OVERCOME BY FOOD POISONING?

- NOT A JUMBO JET, NO.

- DID YOU EVER SINGLE-HANDEDLY LEAD

AN UNDERDEVELOPED LATIN AMERICAN VILLAGE

INTO THE 20TH CENTURY?

- GEORGE... - NO.

- GEORGE, WE'VE HAD SOME PRETTY GOOD TIMES.

IF-- IF YOU HAVE TO WRITE THIS ARTICLE,

WHY NOT USE THOSE?

- OH, OKAY.

WEREN'T YOU EVEN ONCE THE ONLY WITNESS

UNAFRAID TO COME FORWARD AND TOPPLE A CORRUPT...

- GEORGE, NO, NEVER, I WOULDN'T.

- BOY, IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE DONUT THING,

I'D HAVE ZILCH.

- DICK, HAVE YOU TAKEN A LOOK AT OUR PHONE BILL

SINCE YOU GOT THE NEW DEVIL DIALER?

- YEAH, HONEY, I WAS-- I WAS GONNA MENTION THAT TO YOU.

- YOU MADE 12 CALLS TO INDIA?

- THAT-- THAT WAS SORT OF AN ACCIDENT,

BUT I GOT THROUGH LIKE THAT.

- GOODNIGHT, JOANNA.

- STEPHANIE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

- OH, THEY'RE GOING TO PICK THE HOMECOMING KING AND QUEEN

OVER AT THE COLLEGE,

SO WE'RE GOING TO WATCH AND FEEL SUPERIOR.

- NO, YOU'RE NOT. - TRUST US, JOANNA.

ONE LOOK AT THOSE IVY LEAGUE BOW WOWS...

- NO, I MEAN, STEPHANIE STILL HAS WORK TO DO HERE.

THE OVEN NEEDS CLEANING.

- I'LL DO IT LATER.

- NOW.

THAT'S AN ORDER.

- WELL, IF I HAVE TO WORK LATE,

I GUESS YOU'LL HAVE TO OPEN THE STUDIO IN THE MORNING

AND TEACH THE FIRST THREE CLASSES.

- I CAN'T. I HAVE TO BUY SUPPLIES

FOR THE INN TOMORROW MORNING.

- I'M SORRY, JOANNA.

I'M AFRAID THAT'S AN ORDER.

- LET ME TELL YOU...

- GALS, GALS, GALS. I'M CHOKING ON FUR HERE.

- MICHAEL, WE'RE NOT ARGUING.

WE'RE JUST HANDING OUT ASSIGNMENTS.

- IF I HAVE TO TEACH THOSE CLASSES,

I GUESS YOU'LL HAVE TO BUY THE SUPPLIES.

- WELL, SINCE I HAD TO SPEND THE ENTIRE MORNING

GETTING SUPPLIES FOR THE INN,

I GUESS YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEND THE REST OF THE DAY

GETTING SUPPLIES FOR THE STUDIO.

- OKAY, BUT UNFORTUNATELY IT LOOKS LIKE

ANOTHER LATE NIGHT FOR THE MAID.

- ASSUMING YOU GET HOME BEFORE THE MAID'S IN BED.

HOW'S DARRYL COMING ALONG?

- FRANKLY, MISS STEPHANIE, WE'RE DISCOURAGED TO BITS.

IF THIS THING HAD A BELL ON TOP, HE'D HAVE BLOWN IT OFF.

- WELL, IT TAKES TIME.

YOU JUST HAVE TO STICK WITH IT.

- NAW. WE'RE GOING BACK

TO THE MORE TRADITIONAL METHOD OF WEIGHT LOSS.

- WHAT'S THAT?

- PUT MEAT IN HIS PANTS AND TROT HIM PAST THE BEAR CAVE.

COME ON, DARRYL.

Stephanie: OKAY, EVERYBODY.

THIS IS GOING TO BE A TEAM STRETCH CLASS.

SO, FIND A PARTNER

WHO'S APPROXIMATELY AS FAT AS YOU ARE.

- HI, HONEY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- I CAME-- UH, CAME BY TO SEE YOU.

OH, LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE--

YOU'RE DOING STEADY BUSINESS HERE.

YOU KEEP THIS UP,

WE MAY ACTUALLY GET OUR INVESTMENT BACK.

I'M NOT AFRAID TO EAT CROW.

YOU AND STEPHANIE MAKE A TERRIFIC TEAM.

- JOANNA, WE'RE ALL WAITING FOR YOU.

COULD YOU FLIRT ON YOUR OWN TIME?

- I'LL BE THERE WHEN I'M GOOD AND READY.

WE FOOL AROUND LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME.

- NOW, I AND MY ASSISTANT WILL DEMONSTRATE TEAM STRETCHING.

THIS IS FOR THE INNER THIGHS.

- OKAY.

FIRST YOU PULL YOUR PARTNER FORWARD.

- OOH!

MAKING SURE NOT TO GO TOO FAR.

THEN YOUR PARTNER PULLS YOU FORWARD,

AGAIN MAKING SURE NOT TO GO TOO FAR. LIKE THIS.

- AAUGH!

- OKAY, BEGIN.

- WE GO MY WAY FIRST.

- MY WAY. - MY WAY.

- IT'S MY PLACE. I WANNA GO MY WAY.

- YOU'RE THE BOSS. - OH!

- I, UH, I MAY NOT BE AN EXPERT BUT,

IT DIDN'T LOOK LIKE THAT DID THE INNER THIGHS

A HELL OF A LOT OF GOOD.

- EXCUSE ME, CLASS, I THINK IT'S TIME

I HAD A TALK WITH MY PARTNER.

- GOOD, BECAUSE I WANT TO HAVE A TALK WITH MY ASSISTANT.

- JOANNA, YOU-- YOU CAN'T DESERT YOUR CLASS.

IT'S-- IT'S BAD FOR BUSINESS

AND WE'RE SO EXCITED ABOUT GETTING OUR INVESTMENT BACK.

- FINE.

EVERYBODY, MY HUSBAND DICK WILL BE TAKING OVER THE CLASS.

- WHAT?

- HI.

- DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT EXERCISE?

- I DIDN'T GET THIS WAY BY ACCIDENT.

OKAY,

BEGIN.

- BEGIN WHAT?

- STEPHANIE, I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR BOSSING ME AROUND.

- WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT

BEFORE YOU CAME TO WORK FOR ME.

- I WASN'T COMING TO WORK FOR YOU.

I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO BE PARTNERS,

AND IF YOU HAD SOMETHING DIFFERENT IN MIND,

THEN I HAD A RIGHT TO BE TOLD.

- WELL, I HARDLY THINK IT'S NECESSARY

TO DISCUSS EVERY LITTLE DETAIL WITH MY EMPLOYEES.

- OKAY, THAT'S--

THAT'S ENOUGH OF THE BENDING-SIDEWAYS-TYPE STUFF.

WELL, I GUESS-- I GUESS NEXT WE SHOULD--

WE SHOULD DO SOME...

SOME MORE BENDING-SIDEWAYS-TYPE STUFF.

AND, BEGIN.

A ONE AND TWO...

- STEPHANIE, IT'S OBVIOUS THAT I CAN'T WORK FOR YOU.

- JOANNA, MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN THE UNITED STATES

WORK FOR VANDERKELLENS.

NOW, YOU DON'T HEAR THEM COMPLAINING.

I CAN'T HELP IT IF BOSSING IS IN MY BLOOD.

- WELL, I HATE TO INTERFERE WITH DESTINY,

BUT CAN'T WE JUST BE EQUAL PARTNERS?

- YOU MEAN I'D HAVE TO DO SOME LIGHT MOPPING?

BUT I HAVE TO DO THAT EVERY DAY AT THE INN.

WELL, WAIT, MAYBE YOU COULD TAKE OVER HALF OF THAT.

- ...AND TWO AND STOP.

OKAY. ANY--

ANYBODY WANNA-- WANNA DO THAT ONE AGAIN?

- NO!

PLEASE GO ON TO SOMETHING ELSE.

- OKAY. GO ON TO SOMETHING ELSE.

WHAT'LL IT BE?

OH, I-- I-- I KNOW.

THIS-- THIS ONE IS--

THIS ONE IS ESPECIALLY GOOD FOR--

FOR THE BODY

AND HERE'S-- HERE'S HOW IT GOES.

YOU PUT-- YOU PUT YOUR RIGHT FOOT IN.

NOW-- NOW YOU PUT YOUR RIGHT FOOT OUT.

PUT YOUR RIGHT FOOT IN AGAIN,

AND YOU SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT.

YOU-- YOU DO THE HOKEY POKEY

AND-- AND YOU-- AND YOU TURN YOURSELF AROUND, AND THAT--

AND THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.

- BUT JOANNA, YOU CAN'T QUIT.

IT'S TOO BIG A JOB FOR ONE PERSON TO RUN THIS PLACE.

BESIDES, I CAN'T GO BACK TO JUST CLEANING TOILETS.

I WANNA "STEPHACIZE," NOT SANITIZE.

- WELL, STEPHANIE, IF WE CAN'T RUN THIS PLACE TOGETHER,

AND WE CAN'T RUN IT ALONE...

( sigh )

- OKAY, FASTER NOW AND-- AND MAKE IT BURN.

YOU PUT YOUR RIGHT HAND IN, YOU PUT YOUR RIGHT HAND OUT,

YOU PUT YOUR RIGHT HAND IN AND YOU SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT.

YOU DO THE HOKEY POKEY AND YOU TURN YOURSELF AROUND,

AND THAT'S WHAT'S IT'S ALL ABOUT.

OKAY, REAL GOOD. KEEP IT GOING.

NOW, EVERYBODY.

- YOU PUT YOUR LEFT HAND IN, YOU PUT YOUR LEFT HAND OUT,

YOU PUT YOUR LEFT HAND IN AND YOU SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT.

YOU DO THE HOKEY POKEY...

- DICK! - ...YOU TURN YOURSELF AROUND.

- DICK, WHAT ON EARTH?

- AND HALT!

- AWW!

- UH, THANKS BUT NOW I'D--

I'D LIKE TO TURN YOU BACK TO YOUR REAL TEACHERS,

THE GALS WHO TURNED FABULOUS FORMS INTO--

INTO A REAL MONEYMAKER, JOANNA AND-- AND STEPHANIE.

- WHOO! - THANK YOU, DICK.

THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.

SORRY TO KEEP YOU ALL WAITING.

WE HAVE DECIDED TO GO OUT OF BUSINESS.

- WHAT? ALL: OH!

- WE THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATRONAGE

AND WE HOPE THAT YOU'LL CONTINUE TO DO THE HOKEY-POKEY

ON YOUR OWN.

- W-- W-- WAIT! WAIT!

I HAVE A GREAT-- A GREAT ONE WHERE YOU PRETEND--

YOU PRETEND TO BE A TEAPOT.

- DICK. THAT'S PATHETIC.

- LET-- LET ME-- LET ME SEE IF I CAN TRACK WHAT--

WHAT HAPPENED HERE.

AGAINST MY ADVICE, YOU WENT INTO BUSINESS WITH STEPHANIE.

WE INVESTED $500 AND AFTER BEING OPEN ONLY TWO DAYS...

- DICK, HERE'S THE DEAL.

IF YOU FINISH THAT SENTENCE, YOU DIE,

BUT IF YOU NEVER SAY ANOTHER WORD ABOUT THIS,

I WILL BUY YOU SO MANY DONUTS

THAT WHEN I HUG YOU, YOU'LL OOZE JELLY.

- I'LL GO TAKE A NUMBER AND YOU CLOSE UP.

( music playing )