All language subtitles for Newhart S04E02

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:05,103 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,159 - HI. 3 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:03,895 - WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE? 4 00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:06,498 - WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? 5 00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:09,800 - DICK. 6 00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:12,904 DARTS. 7 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,507 - YEAH. YEAH, I FINALLY FOUND THEM. 8 00:01:16,542 --> 00:01:19,343 THOSE ARE THOSE CUSTOM-MADE, HAND-TOOLED BABIES 9 00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:22,480 I USED TO USE IN COLLEGE WHEN I WAS THE COLLEGE CHAMPION. 10 00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:26,350 CHAMPION-SLASH-LEGEND. 11 00:01:26,386 --> 00:01:27,819 YOU KNOW, WHEN I HUNG THESE BABIES UP, 12 00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:29,954 I WAS UNDEFEATED. 13 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:31,422 NOW I'M NEEDED AGAIN. 14 00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:34,225 FOR WHAT? - OH, THIS COMING THURSDAY 15 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:37,496 THE STATION IS HAVING A BIG DART TOURNAMENT. 16 00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:40,131 TOURNAMENT-SLASH-MASSACRE. 17 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:43,935 - AFTERNOON, STAR. 18 00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:45,570 STAR'S BETTER HALF. 19 00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:49,907 WHERE'S THAT LITTLE BLONDE I LIKE TO CALL "STEPHANIE"? 20 00:01:49,942 --> 00:01:51,209 - SHE'S IN THAT LITTLE PLACE 21 00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,544 WE LIKE TO CALL "HER ROOM." 22 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,215 - STEPHANIE, MICHAEL'S HERE. 23 00:01:58,251 --> 00:02:00,885 - DICK, I'M SETTING UP TEAMS FOR THE DART TOURNAMENT. 24 00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:01,852 ARE YOU ANY GOOD? 25 00:02:05,925 --> 00:02:08,526 WHOA! BULLS-EYES BEWARE. 26 00:02:08,561 --> 00:02:10,294 - DICK WAS A CHAMPION IN COLLEGE. 27 00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:11,362 - DICK, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY 28 00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:13,631 IF I TEAMED YOU AND YOURS TRULY ON THE SAME TEAM 29 00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,368 WITH BEV DUTTON, THE HEAD CHEESE AT WPIP? 30 00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:19,904 - I'D SAY, "ARE YOU AND BEV LUCKY." 31 00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:24,608 - MICHAEL! GUESS WHAT. 32 00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,010 JOANNA AND I ARE GOING TO THE GRAND OPENING 33 00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:28,079 OF THAT NEW FRENCH RESTAURANT ON THURSDAY. 34 00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:29,113 DO YOU WANT TO COME? 35 00:02:29,148 --> 00:02:31,949 IT'S AN OPPORTUNITY TO DRESS UP AND BE SEEN WITH ME. 36 00:02:33,986 --> 00:02:34,985 - OUCH. 37 00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:36,788 THE STATION'S ANNUAL DART TOURNEY IS THURSDAY. 38 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:37,855 - BUT, MICHAEL, 39 00:02:37,890 --> 00:02:40,057 A GRAND OPENING HAPPENS ONLY ONCE. 40 00:02:40,092 --> 00:02:43,461 ANNUAL THINGS ARE, LIKE, EVERY YEAR. 41 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:44,695 - BUT THIS IS BUSINESS, STEPH, 42 00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:46,698 AND YOU HAVE JOANNA TO GO WITH. 43 00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:48,766 WE CAN DATE EVERY NIGHT RIGHT UP TO THE BAD ONE. 44 00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:52,671 - WELL, I'LL TRY THAT, 45 00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:55,674 BUT YOU'RE STILL GOING TO HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. 46 00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:00,011 - THEN, RETRACT LIP. 47 00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:01,746 LET'S GET OUT THERE AND DATE! 48 00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:07,752 - YOUR TURN, BEV. 49 00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:11,455 - I LOVE THESE TOURNAMENTS. 50 00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:12,456 THE ONE TIME OF YEAR 51 00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:15,126 WE CAN DROP THE "EMPLOYER-EMPLOYEE" THING 52 00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:17,862 AND JUST GET TOGETHER LIKE OLD FRIENDS. 53 00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:24,436 EIGHTY-FIVE! 54 00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:25,903 EIGHTY-FIVE, BUD. 55 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:27,772 READ IT AND WEEP, BOZO. 56 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,543 WE'RE GONNA SMOKE THEIR BUTTS. 57 00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,813 - LET'S NOT GET COCKY, BEV. 58 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,115 LET'S JUST LEAVE THEM FOR DEAD. 59 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:44,555 - HEY, DICK, THOSE LOOK NEAT. 60 00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:46,590 CAN I USE 'EM TOO? 61 00:03:46,626 --> 00:03:48,059 - OH, I'M SORRY, J.J. 62 00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:50,528 THESE ARE SPECIALLY BALANCED FOR MY HAND. 63 00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:52,763 - FINE, DICK. 64 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,333 WHY DON'T WE ALL ACT LIKE WE'RE FOUR 65 00:03:55,368 --> 00:03:57,168 AND NOT SHARE OUR TOYS? 66 00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:20,324 Bud: WHAT'D YA GET, DICK? 67 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,359 - UH, FIFTEEN. 68 00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:28,166 - EXACTLY WHICH TEAM DID YOU PLAN TO LEAVE FOR DEAD? 69 00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,938 - FIFTEEN? 70 00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,373 - I'M NOT SURE WHAT'S WRONG. 71 00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:37,442 - DICK, DICK, MAYBE YOU'RE TOO TENSE. 72 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:38,443 - YOUR TURN, MICHAEL. 73 00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:39,511 - OH, YEAH. SURE. 74 00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:41,212 SORRY. 75 00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:45,516 ALL RIGHT, NOW, DICK, 76 00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:47,952 I WANNA SEE SOME RELAXING AND I WANNA SEE IT NOW. 77 00:04:47,987 --> 00:04:49,086 - HOW'D YOU DO, MICHAEL? 78 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,722 - OH, UH... 79 00:04:51,724 --> 00:04:53,491 128. 80 00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:57,529 - GEEZ, THAT'S OVER 100 MORE THAN DICK. 81 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,734 - MICHAEL, MICHAEL, 82 00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:05,269 WE'RE GONNA MOP UP THE FLOOR WITH THEIR HEADS! 83 00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:06,638 - WAIT-- WAIT-- WAIT A MINUTE. 84 00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:08,573 I-- I-- I KNOW WHAT IT IS. 85 00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:10,842 I-- I'VE NEVER WORN A JACKET LIKE THIS 86 00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:13,211 BEFORE PLAYING DARTS. 87 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,914 OH YEAH. OH YEAH. THAT'S-- 88 00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:20,084 THAT'S-- THAT'S MUCH BETTER. 89 00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:22,453 THE JACKET WAS-- WAS THE CULPRIT. 90 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:32,664 THE SHIRT WAS THE CULPRIT. 91 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,675 - TWENTY? 92 00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:50,381 - IF HE SAYS HIS SHORTS ARE THE CULPRIT, I'M LEAVING. 93 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,320 Michael: STEPH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 94 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,756 - OH, THAT STUPID RESTAURANT CANCELED ITS GRAND OPENING. 95 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,091 - STEPHANIE, THE PLACE CAUGHT FIRE. 96 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,831 - POOR STEPH. 97 00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:09,467 - WHEN YOU LEFT THE HOUSE, 98 00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:11,168 YOU HAD CLOTHES ON, RIGHT? 99 00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:16,441 - JOANNA, OBVIOUSLY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND DARTS. 100 00:06:17,477 --> 00:06:19,243 ( singsong ) - I'M READY, LET'S GO. 101 00:06:20,447 --> 00:06:21,546 - GO? BUT THIS IS KIND OF IMPORTANT 102 00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:23,414 AND YOU SAID I COULD HAVE TONIGHT OFF. 103 00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:25,250 - THAT WAS BEFORE I HAD NOTHING TO DO. 104 00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,852 - MICHAEL, IT'S YOUR TURN. 105 00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:29,186 - UH, WE'LL GO SOMEPLACE 106 00:06:29,221 --> 00:06:31,088 AS SOON AS THE TOURNAMENT IS OVER. 107 00:06:31,123 --> 00:06:32,890 - MICHAEL, YOU WANT ME TO WAIT? 108 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:35,827 IN A BASEMENT WHERE PEOPLE ARE PERSPIRING? 109 00:06:37,029 --> 00:06:38,229 WE'RE LEAVING. 110 00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:40,865 - BUT, STEPH, I'M A HERO. 111 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,301 DICK WENT TO PIECES AND I'M CARRYING THE DAY. 112 00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:50,775 - MICHAEL, HOW DOES THE THOUGHT OF DATING AIR 113 00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:52,276 SOUND TO YOU? 114 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,414 - THANKS, EVERYBODY. I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME. 115 00:06:56,449 --> 00:06:57,481 Bud: MICHAEL! 116 00:06:57,517 --> 00:06:59,951 IT'S AMAZING HE THROWS DARTS SO WELL 117 00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:01,452 WITH NO SPINE. 118 00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:06,457 ( knocking ) 119 00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:10,761 - TAA-DAA! 120 00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:14,932 - VERY GOOD, GEORGE. 121 00:07:14,967 --> 00:07:17,568 - YEAH, I THOUGHT BULLS-EYES WERE GONNA BE HARD TO GET, 122 00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:20,238 BUT WITH THESE DARTS OF YOURS, YOU CAN'T MISS. 123 00:07:24,443 --> 00:07:25,476 UNLESS YOU'RE-- 124 00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:27,812 UNLESS YOU'RE REAL GOOD LIKE YOU. 125 00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:34,251 - WERE YOU-- WERE YOU THROWING FROM THE REGULATION DISTANCE? 126 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,787 SEVEN FEET, NINE AND A QUARTER INCHES? 127 00:07:36,822 --> 00:07:39,223 - WELL, SEE, THAT EXPLAINS IT. 128 00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,926 I MUST'VE BEEN THROWING 15 FEET. 129 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,729 I'LL GO BACK AND DO IT RIGHT. 130 00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:46,563 OH, AND JOANNA ASKED ME TO REMIND YOU 131 00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:49,133 THAT IT'S ATTIC CLEANING DAY. 132 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,701 - YOU'RE KIDDING? 133 00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:53,538 YOU MEAN, I COMPLETELY MISSED "ATTIC CLEANING EVE"? 134 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,007 - HI, GEORGE. 135 00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:59,009 DICK, GOT A MINUTE? - NO. 136 00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:00,178 BECAUSE YOU LEFT LAST NIGHT, 137 00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:03,614 I LOST MY FIRST DART TOURNAMENT IN 17 YEARS 138 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,651 AND-- AND THEN I HAD TO LISTEN TO A TAUNTING CROWD CHANT 139 00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:09,486 "TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT ALL OFF!" 140 00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:14,092 - I KNOW, DICK. I'M-- I'M SORRY. 141 00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:15,293 - YOU'RE WHAT? - I'M SORRY. 142 00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:17,829 I BEHAVED BADLY AND I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE ANY EXCUSES. 143 00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:18,997 - ALL RIGHT, WHO ARE YOU 144 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,065 AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MICHAEL? 145 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,602 - DICK, I WAS MAD 146 00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:26,470 WHEN STEPH MADE ME LEAVE THE DART TOURNAMENT LAST NIGHT 147 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,273 BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD GO AWAY. 148 00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,342 THEN, IN THE RESTAURANT WHEN THE CHAMPAGNE TICKLED HER NOSE 149 00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,677 AND SHE WENT "OOH!" 150 00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:38,349 ALL I COULD THINK WAS, "I'M NOT LIKING YOU." 151 00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:39,950 DICK, I'M SCARED. 152 00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:41,252 I MEAN, THERE WAS ONE TIME WHEN I-- 153 00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:42,687 I DIDN'T LIKE HER DRESS, 154 00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:43,888 AND THERE WERE FOUR HUMID DAYS 155 00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:45,923 WHERE I DIDN'T LIKE HER HAIR, 156 00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:49,960 BUT I'VE NEVER NOT LIKED HER. 157 00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:51,095 - WELL, MAYBE THE-- 158 00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:53,030 THE FIRST STEP IN GETTING TO LIKE STEPHANIE AGAIN 159 00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,700 IS NOT LETTING HER WALK ALL OVER YOU LIKE-- 160 00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:56,634 LIKE LAST NIGHT. 161 00:08:56,669 --> 00:08:57,635 - WELL, WHAT COULD I DO? 162 00:08:57,670 --> 00:09:01,038 SHE WAS STAMPING HER SIZE-FOUR FOOT. 163 00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,106 - SO? 164 00:09:02,141 --> 00:09:05,076 - WELL, WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN JOANNA STAMPS HER GUNBOATS? 165 00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:10,248 - FIRST, IT ISN'T LIKE JOANNA TO-- 166 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:13,551 TO STAMP HER "GUNBOATS," 167 00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:18,088 AND IF SHE DID, THEN I'D HAVE TO 168 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,792 BLOW HER OUT OF THE WATER. 169 00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,864 - GEE, DICK. 170 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,133 I NEVER THOUGHT I'D WANT TO BE YOU BEFORE. 171 00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,105 - HONEY, I COULD USE YOUR HELP IN THE ATTIC. 172 00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,606 - NOT JUST NOW, DEAR. 173 00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:37,141 - DICK, YOU'VE BEEN PUTTING THIS OFF FOR MONTHS. 174 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,876 WE REALLY SHOULD GET ON IT. 175 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,044 - I SAID, "NOT NOW." 176 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,513 GET OUT OF MY FACE, WOMAN! 177 00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:55,359 SORRY, MICHAEL. I USUALLY TRY TO DO THAT IN PRIVATE. 178 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,596 - DICK, IF I SAID THAT TO STEPH, 179 00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:00,597 SHE'D LEAVE ME AND TAKE MY TONGUE WITH HER. 180 00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:04,468 BUT I GUESS I'VE GOT TO SAY SOMETHING. 181 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:19,117 - "GET OUT OF MY FACE, WOMAN"? 182 00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:22,754 - OKAY, LET'S HIT THAT ATTIC, SWEETHEART. 183 00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:30,828 - STEPH? 184 00:10:31,897 --> 00:10:32,897 - MICHAEL! 185 00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:38,336 - STEPH, YOU AND I HAVE TO TALK. 186 00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:41,105 - YES, MICHAEL? 187 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,708 - BEFORE WE DO, COULD YOU KISS ME AGAIN? 188 00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:50,914 NO GOOSEBUMPS. 189 00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:53,150 - WELL, THEY'RE PROBABLY BUNCHED UP 190 00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,419 UNDERNEATH YOUR CLOTHES. 191 00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:55,553 ( Michael chuckling ) 192 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,892 ALL RIGHT, WHERE ARE THEY? 193 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,629 - STEPH, I'M REALLY SORRY 194 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,964 BUT EVER SINCE YOU MADE ME LEAVE THE DART TOURNAMENT LAST NIGHT, 195 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,902 I'M HAVING TROUBLE LIKING YOU. 196 00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:16,940 - WELL, YOU'RE FORGIVEN. 197 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:22,213 - STEPH, LISTEN TO ME. 198 00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,215 YOU RUN THIS RELATIONSHIP AND I DON'T LIKE IT... 199 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:25,516 I THINK. 200 00:11:27,386 --> 00:11:29,854 - WELL, THIS SOUNDS LIKE A CRITICISM, 201 00:11:31,157 --> 00:11:33,290 AND IF IT IS THERE ARE PLENTY OF MEN OUT THERE 202 00:11:33,325 --> 00:11:35,159 WHO WOULD LOVE TO MAKE ME HAPPY. 203 00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:36,360 - THIS IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF THING 204 00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:38,462 I'M TALKING ABOUT, PRETTY MUCH. 205 00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:42,733 IF I DON'T DO WHAT YOU WANT, YOU THREATEN TO LEAVE ME. 206 00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:44,868 I CAN'T GO ON LIKE THAT. 207 00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:47,738 - OKAY, THIS IS DEFINITELY A CRITICISM. 208 00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:50,775 MICHAEL, I DON'T WASTE MY TIME 209 00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:52,709 WITH PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE ME. 210 00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:53,878 NOW, YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS 211 00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:57,014 TO REWORD EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID INTO A COMPLIMENT. 212 00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,051 - I CAN'T. 213 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,556 - YOU'RE UPSET. TAKE ANOTHER FIVE SECONDS. 214 00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:07,792 - STEPH, YOU'RE NOT GIVING ME ANY CHOICE. 215 00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:10,962 I CAN'T KEEP ON BEING WITH YOU AND LOVING YOU AND... 216 00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,098 NOT LIKING YOU. 217 00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:18,102 I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE. 218 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,341 ( somber music playing ) 219 00:12:32,985 --> 00:12:34,652 - YOU CERTAINLY SEEM BETTER. 220 00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:37,888 - WELL, CAN'T WALK AROUND GRIEVING. 221 00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:40,491 MISERY REALLY AGES A FACE. 222 00:12:40,526 --> 00:12:42,193 YOU SHOULD REMEMBER THAT, JOANNA, 223 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:46,930 BUT I AM STARTING TO LOSE PATIENCE WITH MICHAEL. 224 00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:48,265 IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS. 225 00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,266 IF HE DOESN'T CALL PRETTY SOON, 226 00:12:49,301 --> 00:12:51,502 THIS RELATIONSHIP'S IN BIG TROUBLE. 227 00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:55,940 - STEPHANIE, YOU TWO BROKE UP. 228 00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:58,909 ISN'T THAT SORT OF THE SUBURBS OF TROUBLE? 229 00:12:58,945 --> 00:12:59,877 - MORNING. 230 00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,714 - SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUBURBS. 231 00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:04,749 - JOANNA. 232 00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:07,684 STEPHANIE. 233 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,019 - GOOD MORNING, MICHAEL. 234 00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,056 - STEPH? 235 00:13:12,091 --> 00:13:13,257 - YES, MICHAEL? 236 00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:17,094 - COULD YOU RETURN MY JULIO IGLESIAS ALBUM? 237 00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:21,198 JOANNA, IS DICK IN HIS OFFICE? 238 00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:23,133 - YES. - THANKS. SEE YA. 239 00:13:25,204 --> 00:13:28,038 ( door opens, closes ) 240 00:13:28,073 --> 00:13:30,140 - WELL, THAT'S NOT WHAT HE'S SUPPOSED TO DO. 241 00:13:31,611 --> 00:13:33,677 - STEPHANIE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO HIM. 242 00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:36,180 - JOANNA, WHEN HE IGNORES ME 243 00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:40,818 AND DEMANDS CUSTODY OF JULIO, WELL, IT'S OVER. 244 00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:42,986 STARTING TONIGHT, I'M DATING AGAIN. 245 00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:48,392 ( door slams ) 246 00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:50,694 - HAS-- HAS STEPHANIE GONE? 247 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:52,329 - SHE'S OUT ON THE PORCH. WHY? 248 00:13:55,567 --> 00:13:58,035 ( Michael crying ) 249 00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:00,771 - OH! 250 00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:01,772 ( Michael crying ) 251 00:14:01,807 --> 00:14:03,340 WHAT HAPPENED? 252 00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:06,143 - YOU DIDN'T TELL ME STEPH WOULD BE HERE. 253 00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:09,747 - MICHAEL, SHE LIVES HERE. 254 00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:15,553 - OH, MICHAEL, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER. 255 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:17,020 - I CAN'T! 256 00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:22,893 - BUT, UH, MISERY AGES A FACE. 257 00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:31,869 Stephanie: JOANNA, I NEED A MAN'S OPINION 258 00:14:31,904 --> 00:14:33,537 ON HOW PRETTY I LOOK. 259 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:34,638 WHERE'S DICK? 260 00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:35,939 - HE MET MICHAEL FOR LUNCH 261 00:14:35,974 --> 00:14:39,109 AND THEN HE WENT TO THE STATION FOR THE SHOW. 262 00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:41,745 - IS THIS SUNDAY ALREADY? 263 00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:46,784 LET'S SEE, PAUL, JERRY, KEN, BILL, HABIB. 264 00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,418 IT IS SUNDAY! 265 00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:51,254 - YOU LIKE ANY OF THOSE GUYS? 266 00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:54,125 - WELL, KEN WAS NICE, 267 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,028 BUT HIS HIGHEST ASPIRATION IS TO BUY A PICKUP TRUCK 268 00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,630 AND EQUIP IT WITH REALLY BIG TIRES. 269 00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,034 I DON'T KNOW. 270 00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:05,302 MAYBE IT'S JUST THAT NONE OF THEM ARE... 271 00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,339 - MICHAEL? 272 00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:09,507 ( knocking ) 273 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,409 - MAYBE PATRICK WILL BE DIFFERENT. 274 00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:13,444 HE'S AN ARTIST. 275 00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:15,646 I WOULDN'T MIND SEEING PAINTINGS OF MYSELF 276 00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:17,080 IN THE MAJOR MUSEUMS. 277 00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:21,418 - HI, STEPHANIE. 278 00:15:23,288 --> 00:15:24,921 - ROSES. 279 00:15:24,957 --> 00:15:26,757 HOW ORIGINAL. 280 00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:28,726 JOANNA, THIS IS PATRICK. 281 00:15:30,028 --> 00:15:31,061 - HELLO. 282 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,095 - HELLO. 283 00:15:35,401 --> 00:15:38,936 - WELL, HOW DO I LOOK? 284 00:15:38,971 --> 00:15:40,604 - FINE. 285 00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,641 - THIS IS A NEW DRESS. 286 00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:46,810 - LOOKS NEW. 287 00:15:49,415 --> 00:15:51,715 - OH, STOP. 288 00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,419 THAT'S A VERY NICE SHIRT. 289 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:57,421 - OH, THANKS. IT BELONGED TO MY BROTHER. 290 00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,689 HE WAS ON A DIET, 291 00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:01,258 SO HE GAVE ME ALL HIS FAT CLOTHES. 292 00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:10,600 - SO, PATRICK, I HEAR YOU'RE AN ARTIST. 293 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,403 - WHERE THE HELL DID YOU HEAR THAT? 294 00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:15,840 - YOU SAID YOU WERE A PAINTER. 295 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:17,274 - WELL, I USED TO PAINT HOUSES, 296 00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:19,042 BUT THAT WAS NOWHERE. 297 00:16:19,077 --> 00:16:23,046 NOW I SELL PAINT, WHICH IS AN ART IN ITSELF. 298 00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:24,981 YOU KNOW WHY PEOPLE BUY PAINT? 299 00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:26,951 I MEAN, ASK THE LAYMAN, HE'D SAY THE COLOR. 300 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,351 WRONG. 301 00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:29,854 IT'S THE NAME OF THE COLOR. 302 00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:31,789 I MEAN, THE MORE "PS" IN A PAINT'S NAME, 303 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,357 THE BETTER IT SELLS. 304 00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,363 - WELL, WE'D BETTER GO. 305 00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:43,801 - WHERE TO? 306 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,237 - HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE A TELEVISION STATION? 307 00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:47,538 - AH! 308 00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:51,742 ( music playing ) 309 00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:54,344 - OKAY, WE OPEN THE SHOW WITH SOME YAKKETY-YAKKETY, 310 00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:56,179 THEN GO TO A DIAGRAM OF THE ANTEATER'S LAIR, 311 00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:58,048 THEN WE TROT OUT THE STUFFED ANTEATER, 312 00:16:58,083 --> 00:17:00,050 AND WE CLOSE WITH SOME BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. 313 00:17:02,487 --> 00:17:03,453 - YEAH, IT'S ALWAYS SMART 314 00:17:03,488 --> 00:17:05,488 TO BUILD TO THE "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH." 315 00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:09,025 J.J., RIGHT AFTER THE OPENING, I WANT A CAMERA ON THE... 316 00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:10,394 - UH, TEN SECONDS TO AIR, DICK. 317 00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:13,497 - WHAT? - NINE, EIGHT... 318 00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:18,568 OH, MY MISTAKE, DICK. 319 00:17:18,603 --> 00:17:20,938 THIRTY SECONDS TO AIR. 320 00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:25,209 I LOVE DOING THAT TO HIM. 321 00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:27,077 HE ALWAYS MAKES THE SAME FACE. 322 00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:30,848 HEY, THE STUFFED ANTEATER ISN'T ON THE STAGE. 323 00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:35,719 - HEY, LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU WANT THAT ANTEATER. 324 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,288 - NOW, BUD. 325 00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:44,795 AND WE'RE ON IN THREE, TWO, ONE, AND NAPTIME EVERYBODY. 326 00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:45,996 Announcer: AND NOW "VERMONT TODAY" 327 00:17:46,031 --> 00:17:48,231 STARRING DICK LAUDEN, WITH TODAY'S GUEST, 328 00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:50,935 ANTEATER EXPERT FRANCINE MAURHOFFER. 329 00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:51,969 - CUE, DICK. 330 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:53,904 Dick: FRANCINE, YOU'RE A VERMONT NATIVE. 331 00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:54,972 HOW DID YOU BECOME INTERESTED 332 00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:58,141 IN OUR LONG-NOSED FRIEND FROM THE SOUTH? 333 00:17:59,344 --> 00:18:02,512 Francine: WELL, DICK, WE HAVE ANTS IN VERMONT, 334 00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:03,513 SO FIRST I BECAME... 335 00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:05,148 - PATRICK, WHY DON'T YOU WAIT HERE 336 00:18:05,183 --> 00:18:08,752 AND I'LL LET YOU KNOW IF WE NEED TO CONTINUE THIS DATE? 337 00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:12,022 - I'LL WAIT THERE BY THAT PAPAYA PINK WALL. 338 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:14,391 SEE, THREE "PS"! 339 00:18:16,828 --> 00:18:20,196 - MICHAEL, I WANT YOU TO STOP THIS BREAKUP NONSENSE. 340 00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:21,197 Francine: ...I MIGHT ADD... 341 00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:23,100 - STEPH, YOU'RE WILLING TO COMPROMISE? 342 00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:26,803 - MICHAEL, MY PART OF THE COMPROMISE IS I'M HERE; 343 00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,472 YOUR PART IS THAT EVERYTHING GOES BACK 344 00:18:28,507 --> 00:18:30,540 TO THE WAY IT WAS BEFORE. 345 00:18:30,576 --> 00:18:32,008 Dick: LET'S ZOOM IN ON THIS DIAGRAM 346 00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:35,178 AND WE CAN ALL SEE HOW ANTEATERS LIVE. 347 00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,749 - STEPH, I CAN'T GO BACK. 348 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:39,884 YOU'LL JUST... 349 00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:42,352 WHO'S THE GUY IN THE HAND-ME-DOWNS? 350 00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:45,122 - HE HAPPENS TO BE A RESPECTED ARTIST. 351 00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:46,490 IGNORE HIM. 352 00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:50,361 Dick: I SAID, "LET'S ZOOM IN." 353 00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:52,228 - J.J., DICK NEEDS HIS ZOOM OR SOMETHING. 354 00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:54,898 - OH, UH, CAMERA ONE, ZOOM IN ON THE DIAGRAM. 355 00:18:54,933 --> 00:18:57,867 - MICHAEL, 356 00:18:57,903 --> 00:18:59,103 I'VE MISSED YOU. 357 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,437 HAVEN'T YOU MISSED ME? 358 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,572 - WELL, SURE, STEPH. 359 00:19:02,607 --> 00:19:03,640 IT'S JUST NOT THE SAME 360 00:19:03,675 --> 00:19:06,376 LIP-SYNCING TO "WESTSIDE STORY" WITHOUT MY MARIA. 361 00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:10,581 BUT I DON'T MISS THE WAY THINGS WERE. 362 00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:13,683 - OH, YOU ARE JUST THE MOST STUBBORN MAN. 363 00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:14,684 Dick: NOW THAT WE'VE TAKEN 364 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,421 A GOOD, LONG LOOK AT THE DIAGRAM, 365 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:24,761 LET'S FOCUS ON FRANCINE'S STUFFED ANTEATER. 366 00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:27,231 OKAY, WHERE'S THE ANTEATER? 367 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,936 - SO, THIS THING EATS ANTS. 368 00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:35,038 DOESN'T SEEM LIKE A FAIR FIGHT. 369 00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:38,408 - MICHAEL, 370 00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:40,109 THERE'S GOT TO BE A COMPROMISE 371 00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:42,413 THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE ME. 372 00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:44,615 - AFRAID NOT, STEPH. 373 00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:45,816 Dick: NOW THAT THE ANTEATER'S HERE, 374 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:49,152 IT'S EXACTLY AS YOU DESCRIBED IT. 375 00:19:49,187 --> 00:19:51,021 I'M SURE THE HOME AUDIENCE WOULD AGREE, 376 00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:53,557 IF WE EVER SHOW IT ON CAMERA. 377 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,260 - THE AUDIENCE CAN'T SEE THE ANTEATER. 378 00:19:57,296 --> 00:19:59,096 - OH, AND THEY WON'T. WE HAVE TO GO TO COMMERCIAL. 379 00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:00,764 CUE, DICK. 380 00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:02,499 Dick: WHAT? 381 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,667 WELL, WE'LL BE BACK WITH "WITH THE ANTEATER" 382 00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:06,136 AFTER THIS MESSAGE. 383 00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:07,804 - AND ROLL COMMERCIAL. 384 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:08,872 - WHAT IS THIS? 385 00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,207 I BUSTED MY TAIL TO GET YOU AN ANTEATER. 386 00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:13,177 THERE WAS NO RUSH! 387 00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:16,813 - WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON UP HERE? 388 00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:17,948 - IF YOU DON'T MIND, DICK, 389 00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:19,049 MICHAEL AND STEPHANIE ARE TRYING TO PATCH IT UP. 390 00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:20,684 - I DON'T CARE! DON'T LISTEN TO THEM. 391 00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:22,485 DIRECT THE SHOW! 392 00:20:22,521 --> 00:20:25,221 - ANYTHING YOU SAY, DICK. 393 00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:30,694 - MICHAEL, WILL YOU HURRY UP 394 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,062 AND STRAIGHTEN THIS THING OUT? 395 00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:34,264 MY ANTEATER SHOW IS FALLING TO PIECES. 396 00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:36,933 - I CAN'T, DICK. SHE WON'T BUDGE A SKOOCH. 397 00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:39,336 - STEPHANIE, WHY WON'T YOU BUDGE A SKOOCH? 398 00:20:40,772 --> 00:20:42,606 - I DON'T KNOW, IT'S JUST... 399 00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:47,211 MICHAEL, REMEMBER THAT LITTLE RED CONVERTIBLE 400 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,079 YOU LOVED SO MUCH 401 00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:52,749 AND THEN YOU GOT A SCRATCH ON IT SO YOU UNLOADED IT? 402 00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:56,620 WELL, IF I BACK DOWN IT-- 403 00:20:56,655 --> 00:21:01,191 IT'S KIND OF THE SAME AS HAVING A SCRATCH. 404 00:21:01,226 --> 00:21:04,094 - OH, STEPH, I'D NEVER UNLOAD YOU. 405 00:21:04,129 --> 00:21:07,263 I'D JUST LIKE YOU TO COME WITH A FEW MORE OPTIONS. 406 00:21:09,568 --> 00:21:13,203 - MICHAEL, NOW I KNOW WHY I LOVE YOU. 407 00:21:13,238 --> 00:21:15,572 YOU ARE THE SWEETEST MAN THAT EVER LIVED. 408 00:21:17,142 --> 00:21:19,009 NOW, WHAT IS THE LEAST I CAN DO TO GET YOU BACK, 409 00:21:19,044 --> 00:21:21,078 AND I MEAN THE VERY LEAST. 410 00:21:23,148 --> 00:21:24,548 - LET ME BE SELFISH SOMETIMES, 411 00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:27,251 LIKE IF YOU REALLY WANT ITALIAN 412 00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:30,687 AND I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY WANT CHINESE, 413 00:21:30,722 --> 00:21:32,856 WE GO FOR CHINESE. 414 00:21:32,891 --> 00:21:36,326 - WHAT IF I REALLY, REALLY WANT ITALIAN? 415 00:21:36,361 --> 00:21:38,261 - THEN WE COUNT "REALLYS." 416 00:21:41,701 --> 00:21:42,833 - DEAL. 417 00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:46,570 THANK GOD THAT'S OVER. 418 00:21:46,605 --> 00:21:47,838 - STEPH. 419 00:21:47,873 --> 00:21:49,006 - MORE? 420 00:21:51,410 --> 00:21:52,476 - WHEN WE DON'T AGREE ON SOMETHING, 421 00:21:52,511 --> 00:21:54,645 YOU CAN'T THREATEN TO LEAVE ME. 422 00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:59,049 - CAN I STILL GET MAD AND POUT AND GO ON BUYING BINGES? 423 00:21:59,084 --> 00:22:00,049 - WELL, NATCH! 424 00:22:00,085 --> 00:22:02,419 I NEVER ASKED TO HAVE YOU DECLAWED. 425 00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:07,891 - WELL. OKAY. 426 00:22:07,926 --> 00:22:10,227 BUT THAT IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE. 427 00:22:11,897 --> 00:22:13,163 PATRICK, GO HOME. 428 00:22:13,198 --> 00:22:15,431 - THANK YOU. I HAD A-- I HAD A REALLY NICE TIME. 429 00:22:21,140 --> 00:22:22,272 - OH, STEPH. 430 00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:26,109 - DICK, I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH A SHAMBLES IN MY LIFE. 431 00:22:26,145 --> 00:22:27,544 WHAT KIND OF A SHOW ARE YOU DOING HERE? 432 00:22:27,546 --> 00:22:30,013 - ME? NO ONE IN THE CONTROL BOOTH WAS PAYING ATTENTION. 433 00:22:30,048 --> 00:22:33,817 - SURE. AND AT THE DART GAME YOU BLAMED YOUR SHIRT. 434 00:22:33,852 --> 00:22:34,885 - REALLY! J.J. WAS... 435 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,219 - UH, FIVE SECONDS, DICK. 436 00:22:36,254 --> 00:22:39,356 ( chuckling ) - I'M NOT GOING TO FALL FOR THAT AGAIN. 437 00:22:39,391 --> 00:22:41,825 BEV, I'M THE ONLY ONE IN HERE WHO'S DOING HIS JOB. 438 00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:44,394 Announcer: AND NOW, BACK TO "VERMONT TODAY." 439 00:22:44,430 --> 00:22:45,729 ONCE AGAIN... 440 00:22:52,738 --> 00:22:56,306 ( theme music playing ) 441 00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:22,965 man's voice: MEOW. 31282

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.