Original subtitles

WOW. SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE HAD SOME INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCES

WALKING FROM VERMONT TO CALIFORNIA. [CHUCKLES]

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU?

A YEAR AND A HALF.

I COULD'VE DONE IT IN THREE MONTHS,

BUT I LOST TIME IN THE APPALACHIANS.

DIFFICULT CLIMB?

MM-MM. GOT MARRIED.

WELL, WE'VE RAN OUT OF TIME.

UH, THANK YOU, MARV STRIBLING,

NATURALIST, CROSS-COUNTRY HIKER,

NEWLYWED.

JOIN US NEXT WEEK FOR ANOTHER EDITION

OF VERMONT TODAY.

�� [THEME MUSIC]

[MAN OVER SPEAKER DEVICE] AND WE'RE CLEAR.

WOW. 3,000 MILES.

YOU'RE A REAL INSPIRATION.

[STRAINED] THANK YOU.

WELL, I THOUGHT IT WENT PRETTY WELL.

NOW, DICK, WHEN YOU BOOKED THIS WALKER,

I FIGURED IT WAS GONNA BE SNORE CITY.

BUT I FOUND MYSELF, WELL, HALF LISTENING.

MICHAEL, IT WAS AN INTELLIGENT, INFORMATIVE SHOW.

BUT, NEVERTHELESS, INTERESTING.

AND SPEAKING OF GOOD TV, I HAVE GREAT NEWS FOR YOU

REGARDING THE VERMONT INDUSTRY TELEVISION AWARDS.

I'VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR A VITA?

NO. OH.

BUT YOU COULD BE. THERE'S ONE MORE WEEK TO QUALIFY.

YOU DO A DYNAMIC, EMOTION-GRABBING SHOW NEXT SUNDAY,

AND THAT BEST HOST NOMINATION IS YOURS.

I THOUGHT I WAS A PRETTY GOOD HOST JUST NOW.

HEY, I LOVED YOU.

BUT THAT DARN NOMINATING COMMITTEE

SEEMS TO FEED ON ENERGY AND CHARISMA.

WELL, THEY'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO BASE THEIR DECISION

ON THE WAY I AM.

GOOD LUCK, DICK.

YOU KNOW THE KIND OF PEOPLE THIS AWARD GOES TO?

WALT BLEDSOE HAS WON THIS AWARD

THREE TIMES IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS.

WALT BLEDSOE? THAT JERK?

HE YELLS AT HIS GUESTS AND THROWS CHAIRS INTO THE AUDIENCE.

IT'S CALLED PERSONALITY, DICK.

LOOK, I'M NOT IN THIS

FOR THE SHALLOW GRATIFICATION OF AN AWARD.

WHAT ABOUT THOSE OF US WHO ARE?

DICK, ALL I'M ASKING IS THAT YOU SHOW A LITTLE SPARK.

HOW CAN I GET BEST PRODUCER IF I CAN'T RIDE

ON THE COATTAILS OF A BEST HOST?

MICHAEL, I AM NOT GONNA CHANGE THE SHOW.

I THINK IT'S PRETTY DARN INTERESTING THE WAY IT IS.

MAN, WAS THAT A GOOD SHOW.

SEE, MICHAEL? OUR DIRECTOR LIKED IT.

OH. NOT YOUR SHOW.

I CAUGHT THE LAST SIX MINUTES OF WALT BLEDSOE.

HE HELD THIS COUNCILMAN'S HEAD UNDERWATER TILL THE GUY AGREED WITH HIM.

BOY, HE'S REALLY BUCKING FOR THAT VITA.

J.J., YOU'RE MY DIRECTOR.

SHOULDN'T YOU BE WATCHING THE SHOW YOU'RE DIRECTING?

DICK, WITH YOUR SHOW,

I CAN PRACTICALLY LOCK THE CAMERA INTO PLACE.

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE GONNA MOVE OR GESTURE OR ANYTHING.

ANYWAY, WALT HELD THIS GUY'S HEAD--

LOOK, I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT WALT,

AND I DON'T WANT YOU WATCHING OTHER SHOWS WHILE I'M ON THE AIR.

ANYTHING YOU SAY... DICK!

CAREFUL, DICK. I KNOW IT'S HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND,

BUT OTHER PEOPLE DO HAVE FEELINGS.

[SNEEZES]

JOANNA, I HAVE A COLD.

I'M GOING TO NEED NINE DAYS OFF.

NINE DAYS?

FOUR DAYS FOR THE COLD TO RUN ITS COURSE,

AND THREE DAYS FOR MY NOSE TO STOP LOOKING LIKE A STRAWBERRY,

AND TWO DAYS FOR BEING A BRAVE LITTLE SOLDIER.

STEPHANIE, YOU JUST NEED ONE.

WHY DON'T WE WAIT FOR A FEW MORE SYMPTOMS

BEFORE WE LOCK INTO THIS NINE-DAY THING?

OKAY, BUT I'D HATE TO HAVE TO ADD EXTRA DAYS

FOR NEEDLESS SUFFERING.

AH, MORNING, HONEY.

HONEY,

DO YOU THINK I'M... UNEMOTIONAL AND COLD?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU THINK I'M WITHOUT EMOTION AND UN-WARM.

DICK, I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

WHICH IS WHAT?

WELL, YOU'RE... A LITTLE RESERVED.

AH. THAT'S ENGLISH FOR "COLORLESS," RIGHT? HONEY...

IT'S NOT LIKE I DON'T HAVE FEELINGS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

I DO. THERE'S ALL--

ALL KINDS OF STUFF GOING ON IN HERE.

MORNING, EVERYONE. MORNING, GEORGE.

GEORGE, DO YOU THINK I'M UNEMOTIONAL AND COLD?

YES, DICK.

YOU DO?

GEE, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT TO TELL YOU.

I MEAN, YOU NEVER GET UPSET ABOUT ANYTHING.

YOU ARE UPSET, AREN'T YOU? IT'S SO HARD TO TELL.

DICK, WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?

MICHAEL HAS THIS IDEA I CAN GET A NOMINATION

FOR THE VERMONT INDUSTRY TV AWARDS

IF I WERE MORE DYNAMIC AND ELECTRIC

ON-- ON NEXT WEEK'S SHOW.

YOU MEAN LIKE WALT BLEDSOE?

NO, NOT LIKE WALT BLEDSOE.

GUY'S A JERK.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

DID YOU SEE THAT SHOW WHERE HE HAD THIS QUAKER GUY

IN A HALF NELSON?

IT TOOK HIM FOREVER TO PIN THE GUY.

WHAT A JERK.

WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU HAVE TO ACT

TO GET A VITA AWARD, THIS GUY DOESN'T WANT ONE.

BUT, HONEY, YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, IT WOULD BE AN HONOR.

AND I'M SURE YOU COULD WIN ONE WITHOUT ROUGHING UP A QUAKER.

CAN'T A PERSON JUST ENJOY THEIR WORK?

LOOK AT GEORGE. I MEAN, HE DOESN'T HAVE TO

ENTER A HANDYMAN COMPETITION TO BE FULFILLED.

THERE'S A CONTEST FOR BEST HANDYMAN?

NO, GEORGE.

DANG.

DICK, WHY ARE YOU SO SET AGAINST IT?

HONEY,

I-- I HATED THE WHOLE IDEA OF COMPETITION

EVER SINCE CAMP COWAPOKA.

BUT MY FAVORITE SPORT WAS-- WAS DIVING.

I WAS LIKE A-- LIKE A KNIFE IN THE AIR.

I WAS HAVING THE-- THE BEST SUMMER OF MY LIFE

UN-UNTIL GOLDEN TOMAHAWK DAYS.

THERE WERE EVENTS IN ALL SPORTS.

THE WINNERS GOT THIS-- THIS TOMAHAWK

WITH A GLEAMING GOLD HANDLE

AND A BEAUTIFUL RUBBER BLADE.

I WANTED ONE LIKE I NEVER...

WANTED ANY OTHER TOMAHAWK IN-- IN MY LIFE.

BUT I-- I WANTED IT TOO MUCH.

BY THE DAY OF THE CONTEST, I WAS--

I WAS SO NERVOUS I WAS NO LONGER A-- A KNIFE,

I WAS MORE LIKE A... SPATULA.

IN-- IN ONE DIVE, I LOST THE--

THE COMPETITION, THE TOMAHAWK, AND--

AND MY-- MY SWIMMING TRUNKS.

WELL, THERE WAS ANOTHER SNEEZE IN THE KITCHEN.

IS THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU,

OR DO YOU WANNA WAIT FOR THE CORONER'S REPORT?

HI, DICK. WE WERE WONDERING

IF YOU'D LIKE TO DISCUSS THIS WEEK'S SHOW.

"WE"?

COME ON IN, GUYS.

HAIL, HAIL, THE GANG'S ALL HERE.

WHY IS THE GANG ALL HERE?

WE WANNA DO SOME SPITBALLING ABOUT THIS SUNDAY'S SHOW.

I'VE COME UP WITH SOME GREAT IDEAS FOR GUESTS.

WE'VE ALREADY BOOKED ELSA CARRUTHERS,

THE LIBRARIAN WHO FOUND THE ALTERNATIVE TO THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM.

OKAY. CAN I BE THE ONE TO BLOW THE DUST OFF HER?

DICK, WHAT WE NEED

IS A GUEST WHO HAS SOME OOMPH, SOME WATTAGE.

SOMEBODY WITH A LITTLE WACKEDA-WACKEDA,

BINGADA-BONGADA BOOM!

I FOUND A WOMAN WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE

SIX DIFFERENT AND DISTINCT PERSONALITIES.

I THINK SHE'S LEGIT, DICK.

AND SHE'S WILLING TO COME OUT IN A BIKINI.

MICHAEL...

THREE OF HER PERSONALITIES THINK SCANTY CLOTHING IS SEXIST.

THE OTHER THREE SEEM TO GET OFF ON IT.

I CAN SHOOT THE BIJANGLES OUT OF IT.

WE OPEN WITH THIS NUTCASE ON A PSYCHIATRIST'S COUCH

RISING OUT OF THE STAGE.

I GOT A BETTER IDEA.

SUPPOSE I BUILD A PSYCHIATRIST'S COUCH

AND HAVE IT RISE OUT OF THE STAGE?

SPEAKING OF ECHOES...

I CAN CREATE SOME ATMOSPHERE WITH ECHO EFFECT.

UH, HOW ABOUT A FOG MACHINE?

IT WOULD REPRESENT HER CLOUDED PERCEPTION OF REALITY.

THAT'S A HOT LOOK.

NO FOG.

UH, SORRY.

DID YOU CONTRIBUTE SOMETHING?

YES. I CONTRIBUTED A "NO."

FINE. HAVE IT YOUR WAY...

DICK!

LOOK, IT'S OBVIOUS WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE.

YOU'RE ALL TRYING TO USE SOMEBODY'S SHOW

TO WIN YOURSELF A-- A VITA NOMINATION.

WELL, FORGET IT. WE'RE GONNA DO OUR REGULAR SHOW.

OUR GUEST IS A LIBRARIAN WITH ONE PERSONALITY.

NO FOG, NO RISING FURNITURE,

AND NO WACKEDA-WACKEDA, BINGITY-BOMITY BOOM.

END OF MEETING.

I'LL GET BUSY BUILDING THAT RISING COUCH.

NO RISING COUCH!

NOW HE GETS EMOTIONAL.

YEAH. HE EVEN GESTURED.

DICK, YOU DO REALIZE YOU JUST TROD ON THE HOPES

OF SOME PRETTY FAIR EXCUSES FOR HUMAN BEINGS.

I DON'T WANNA COMPETE FOR SOME STUPID AWARD.

DON'T WANT TO, OR...

[CLUCKING]

I'M NOT CHICKEN.

WHOA. BETTER PUT A BAND-AID ON THE EXPOSED NERVE.

THERE ARE NO EXPOSED NERVES

OR CHICKENS IN THIS OFFICE, ALL RIGHT?

DICK, IF YOU SAY SO, THE SUBJECT'S CLOSED.

[CLUCKING]

HI, HONEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, I'M JUST, UH, BRUSHING UP

ON THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM FOR MY SHOW THIS AFTERNOON.

OH. HOW'S STEPHANIE FEELING?

WELL, SHE'S RIGHT ON SCHEDULE.

SHE'S ON THE LAST DAY OF STRAWBERRY NOSE.

HI, ALL. HI, MICHAEL.

I'M HERE REGARDING THAT LITTLE BEAUTY

ANY SANE MAN WOULD WANT TO POSSESS.

STEPHANIE'S UPSTAIRS.

NOT THAT LITTLE BEAUTY,

THIS ONE.

THE VITA,

THE VERMONT TELEVISION INDUSTRY'S SYMBOL

OF EXCELLENCE.

MICHAEL, WHERE'D YOU GET THIS?

OUR STATION MANAGER LENT ME HERS

WHEN SHE WASN'T LOOKING.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT, DICK?

IT'S, UH-- IT'S OKAY.

COULD BE BIGGER.

I GUESS THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US, DICK.

YOU LOOK AT THIS AND SEE FLAWS.

I SEE SOMETHING I'D GIVE A LIMB FOR,

AND I'M NOT... [CLUCKING] TO ADMIT IT.

MICHAEL, WOULD YOU AND... THIS LEAVE TOGETHER?

DICK, I CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT VISITING MY UNDER-THE-WEATHER BLONDE.

STEPH?

[STEPHANIE] HI, MICHAEL!

GET WELL, CUPCAKE.

THANK YOU!

THAT'S IT?

OF COURSE. STEPHANIE AND I MADE A PACT

NEVER TO SEE EACH OTHER IN TIMES OF ILLNESS,

DOLDRUMS, OR SKIN ERUPTIONS.

WELL, GOTTA SCOOT.

UH, MICHAEL, YOU-- YOU FORGOT THE VITA.

SEE YOU AT THE STUDIO.

GEE, DICK, THAT'S NICE.

IS THAT THE AWARD YOU COULD WIN IF YOU SHOWED MORE PERSONALITY?

YEAH.

YOU LOOK GOOD HOLDING THAT, HONEY.

LOOK, I DON'T WANT THIS AWARD.

I'M NOT INTERESTED IN IT.

I-I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT IT.

OKAY.

I'M GONNA MAKE SOME SOUP FOR STEPHANIE.

YOU WANT SOME, GEORGE? SURE.

HOW ABOUT YOU, DICK? IT'S CHICKEN.

I AM NOT.

HI.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

I'M LARRY. THIS IS MY BROTHER DARRYL,

AND THIS IS MY OTHER BROTHER DARRYL.

I KNOW.

WE HEARD MISS STEPHANIE'S WHITE CORPUSCLES

WERE BATTLING FOR THE SUPREMACY

OF HER LOVELY INNARDS.

THAT-- THAT'S THE SCUTTLEBUTT.

SO WE'RE HERE TO CHEER HER UP.

HEY, AIN'T THAT ONE OF THOSE VITA AWARDS?

YES. YES, IT IS.

YOU DIDN'T GET THAT FOR YOUR SHOW?

NO.

[SIGHS] WOW.

WELL, WHAT A SURPRISE.

LET ME, UH--

LET ME PINCH MYSELF FOR A MOMENT.

A LITTLE, UH...

A LITTLE PIECE OF THIS

BELONGS TO A LOT OF PEOPLE.

I'D LIKE TO THANK MY VERMONT TODAY CREW,

THOSE WACKEDY-WACKEDY GUYS.

I'D LIKE TO THANK MY WIFE, JOANNA,

WITHOUT WHOM I'D ONLY BE A TALENTED... BACHELOR.

[LAUGHING]

AND TO THE OTHER NOMINEES, I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY...

YOU'RE ALL WINNERS.

EXCEPT YOU, WALT BLEDSOE.

YOU'RE A JERK!

WOW.

HANDYMAN OF THE YEAR.

UH, I'D JUST LIKE TO THANK...

[SNEEZES]

BLESS YOU, MISS STEPHANIE.

DARRYL, A LADY JUST SNEEZED.

OH, THAT'S OKAY.

MISS STEPHANIE,

WE'D RATHER SLOW DANCE WITH A CRANKY GRIZZLY

THAN SEE YOU LAID UP LIKE THIS.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE GONNA DO FOR YOU

WHAT OUR DADDY DONE FOR US WHEN WE WAS FEELING POORLY.

[GASPS] A PUPPET SHOW!

IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY TO CHEER UP A SICK ROOM?

HI.

I THOUGHT, UH,

I'D STOP IN TO SEE IF YOU NEEDED ANYTHING...

BROUGHT TO YOU OR...

TAKEN AWAY.

NOT NOW, DICK.

THEY'RE ABOUT TO DO A PUPPET SHOW.

AH.

ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE KINGDOM OF ANTS,

THERE WAS A BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS WHO HAD A COLD.

A-ACHOO!

NEARBY LIVED A FINE YOUNG ANT...

WHO LOVED THE PRINCESS.

AND THE PRINCESS, IF TRUTH BE TOLD,

HAD EYES FOR HIM.

ABOUT 12 OF THEM.

BUT HER FATHER, THE KING, SAID,

"HOLD ON. YOU CAN'T MARRY MY DAUGHTER

"UNTIL YOU RID THE KINGDOM OF THIS BIG EYESORE

OF A RUBBER TREE."

OHH.

AT FIRST, THE ANT WAS AFRAID TO EVEN TRY.

FOR HE KNEW

HE DID NOT HAVE A SPINE LIKE THE HIGHER VERTEBRATES.

BUT THE PRINCESS WAS SUCH A LOOKER

THAT HE DECIDED TO GIVE IT A SHAKE ANYWAY.

HIT IT, DARRYL.

[MAN] � JUST WHAT MAKES THAT LITTLE OLE ANT �

� THINK HE'LL MOVE THAT RUBBER TREE PLANT �

� ANYONE KNOWS AN ANT CAN'T �

� MOVE A RUBBER TREE PLANT �

[MAN, CHILDREN] � BUT HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES �

� HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES �

� HE'S GOT HIGH APPLE PIE �

� IN THE SKY HOPES �

[MAN] � SO ANY TIME YOU'RE GETTIN' LOW �

� 'STEAD OF LETTIN' GO �

� JUST REMEMBER THAT ANT �

� OOPS, THERE GOES ANOTHER RUBBER TREE �

[CHILDREN] � OOPS, THERE GOES ANOTHER RUBBER TREE �

[MAN, CHILDREN] � OOPS, THERE GOES ANOTHER RUBBER TREE PLANT �

�� [MUSIC ENDS]

[CHUCKLES]

I WANT IT.

WHAT?

I WANT THAT VITA.

W-WHERE DID DICK GO?

THE SHOW'S ABOUT TO START.

[MAN OVER SPEAKER DEVICE] AND NOW, VERMONT TODAY,

STARRING DICK LOUDON, WITH TODAY'S GUEST,

LIBRARIAN ELSA CARRUTHERS.

BOY, HAVE WE GOT A SHOW FOR YOU TODAY.

WELL, LET'S-- LET'S JUMP RIGHT INTO IT.

TELL US, ELSA, WHEN DID YOU FIRST DISCOVER

THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM SUCKS WHEN?

I WAS FILING A BOOK ON OPHTHALMOLOGY

INTO THE 600 SECTION,

WHEN SUDDENLY IT HIT ME:

THERE HAS GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY.

AND THAT'S WHEN I DEVELOPED MY CATALOGING SYSTEM.

SO FAR, THOUGH, I'VE MET WITH NOTHING BUT RESISTANCE.

DAMN IT!

I MEAN, ISN'T THAT ALWAYS THE WAY?

WHY DO ALL OUR TRUE PIONEERS

GET THE SHAFT?

ACTUALLY, ALL I'VE GOTTEN

ARE A FEW POLITE REJECTIONS.

WELL, I DON'T CARE. THAT KIND OF THING

BURNS MY TAIL.

WHAT'S WITH DICK?

EITHER A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE,

OR HE'S GOING FOR THAT NOMINATION.

EITHER WAY, IT'S AN IMPROVEMENT.

IT'S IRONIC THAT LIBRARIANS,

OF ALL PEOPLE, CAN'T SEE THE HANDWRITING ON THE WALL.

[LAUGHING HILARIOUSLY]

[STOMPING FEET]

[LAUGHING CONTINUES]

AND THEY SAY LIBRARIANS ARE PRIM AND STODGY.

LET ME TELL YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

THIS IS A FUNNY LADY.

WOW. AND THE NOMINEES ARE...

OKAY, IF HE'S GOING FOR A NOMINATION,

I'M GOING FOR A NOMINATION.

BETWEEN YOU AND ME,

LOOKS LIKE WHAT DICK'S GOING FOR HERE IS A NOMINATION.

I MAY BE ALONE IN THIS,

BUT I'M GOING FOR ONE TOO.

[ELSA] AND THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM

IS ESPECIALLY DIFFICULT FOR CHILDREN.

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES

CHILDREN HAVE COME UP TO ME CONFUSED,

NEEDING ASSISTANCE.

I'M, UH...

I'M SORRY. UH...

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, IT'S--

IT'S ONE THING FOR-- FOR US ADULTS, BUT...

[SIGHS] I MEAN, WHEN KI--

[VOICE BREAKING UP] WHEN KIDS HAVE TO SUFFER...

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

I'VE NEVER SEEN DICK ACTING SO--

WEIRD. YEAH.

[DICK CRYING]

I WISH LARRY, DARRYL AND DARRYL

WOULD COME BACK WITH THEIR PUPPETS.

YOU KNOW, OUR DISCUSSION TODAY RELATES TO...

SOME PRETTY HEAVY ISSUES IN-- IN MY OWN LIFE.

BOOKS HAVE ALWAYS HAD

A SPECIAL MEANING TO ME.

[CLACKING]

I REMEMBER GO--

GOING TO THE LIBRARY...

WHEN-- WHEN I WAS A KID.

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

I'M NOT SURE.

[PHONE RINGING]

AW, COME ON.

[RINGING CONTINUES]

SOMETHING WEIRD IS GOING ON.

I'M-- I'M-- I'M SURE--

I'M SURE IT WILL STOP IMMEDIATELY! [ECHOING]

A-- ALL RIGHT. CUT--

CUT IT OUT! [ECHOING]

I MEAN IT! [ECHOING]

BOY, THIS IS BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD.

[RINGING CONTINUES] I WANT EVERYTHING

BACK TO NORMAL. [ECHOING]

NOW! [RINGING STOPS]

[J.J. OVER SPEAKER DEVICE] ANYTHING YOU SAY... DICK!

[COUGHING]

ARE-- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, MRS. CARRUTHERS?

I THINK SO. [COUGHING]

I THINK I-- I THINK I SEE THAT OUR--

THAT OUR TIME IS UP.

UH, BEFORE WE GO, I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE

TO-- TO MY GUEST, UH--

MRS. CARRUTHERS, I'M SORRY WE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO TALK MORE--

WHO CARES?

JUST PLEASE LET THIS END.

RIGHT. UH...

I'D LIKE-- I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU

FOR WHAT YOU'VE-- YOU'VE JUST SEEN HERE.

A LOT OF PEOPLE GOT CARRIED AWAY HERE TODAY.

I'M, UH, ESPECIALLY EMBARRASSED...

FOR-- FOR MY PERFORMANCE,

WHICH CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED

AS BOZO THE HOST.

I-- I CAN ASSURE YOU THIS--

THIS WILL-- WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

[LOUD CRACKLE]

[MAN'S VOICE] MEOW.