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1
00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:54,619
WOW. SOUNDS LIKE
YOU'VE HAD SOME
INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCES
2
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,754
WALKING FROM VERMONT
TO CALIFORNIA.
[CHUCKLES]
3
00:00:56,756 --> 00:00:58,390
HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU?
4
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,292
A YEAR AND A HALF.
5
00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:01,826
I COULD'VE DONE IT
IN THREE MONTHS,
6
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:03,528
BUT I LOST TIME
IN THE APPALACHIANS.
7
00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:04,629
DIFFICULT CLIMB?
8
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:06,998
MM-MM. GOT MARRIED.
9
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,601
WELL, WE'VE RAN OUT OF TIME.
10
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,103
UH, THANK YOU,
MARV STRIBLING,
11
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:13,071
NATURALIST,
CROSS-COUNTRY HIKER,
12
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,307
NEWLYWED.
13
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,309
JOIN US NEXT WEEK
FOR ANOTHER EDITION
14
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,943
OF VERMONT TODAY.
15
00:01:18,945 --> 00:01:21,746
�� [THEME MUSIC]
16
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:24,616
[MAN OVER SPEAKER DEVICE]AND WE'RE CLEAR.
17
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,118
WOW. 3,000 MILES.
18
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,487
YOU'RE A REAL INSPIRATION.
19
00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:30,122
[STRAINED]
THANK YOU.
20
00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:35,994
WELL, I THOUGHT
IT WENT PRETTY WELL.
21
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,496
NOW, DICK, WHEN YOU BOOKED
THIS WALKER,
22
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:39,731
I FIGURED IT WAS
GONNA BE SNORE CITY.
23
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:43,468
BUT I FOUND MYSELF,
WELL, HALF LISTENING.
24
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:46,538
MICHAEL, IT WAS AN INTELLIGENT,
INFORMATIVE SHOW.
25
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:49,207
BUT, NEVERTHELESS,
INTERESTING.
26
00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:51,676
AND SPEAKING OF GOOD TV,
I HAVE GREAT NEWS FOR YOU
27
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:53,878
REGARDING THE VERMONT INDUSTRY
TELEVISION AWARDS.
28
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:58,216
I'VE BEEN NOMINATED
FOR A VITA?
29
00:01:58,218 --> 00:02:00,418
NO.
OH.
30
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:03,087
BUT YOU COULD BE.
THERE'S ONE MORE WEEK
TO QUALIFY.
31
00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:05,524
YOU DO A DYNAMIC,
EMOTION-GRABBING SHOW
NEXT SUNDAY,
32
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,759
AND THAT BEST HOST NOMINATION
IS YOURS.
33
00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:10,262
I THOUGHT I WAS
A PRETTY GOOD HOST JUST NOW.
34
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:12,464
HEY, I LOVED YOU.
35
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,399
BUT THAT DARN
NOMINATING COMMITTEE
36
00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:17,702
SEEMS TO FEED
ON ENERGY AND CHARISMA.
37
00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:20,004
WELL, THEY'RE JUST GONNA
HAVE TO BASE THEIR DECISION
38
00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:21,406
ON THE WAY I AM.
39
00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:23,107
GOOD LUCK, DICK.
40
00:02:23,109 --> 00:02:25,109
YOU KNOW THE KIND OF PEOPLE
THIS AWARD GOES TO?
41
00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:27,045
WALT BLEDSOE
HAS WON THIS AWARD
42
00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:28,613
THREE TIMES
IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS.
43
00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:31,049
WALT BLEDSOE?
THAT JERK?
44
00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:34,085
HE YELLS AT HIS GUESTS
AND THROWS CHAIRS
INTO THE AUDIENCE.
45
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:36,288
IT'S CALLED PERSONALITY,
DICK.
46
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,290
LOOK, I'M NOT IN THIS
47
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,758
FOR THE SHALLOW GRATIFICATION
OF AN AWARD.
48
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,295
WHAT ABOUT THOSE OF US
WHO ARE?
49
00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,597
DICK, ALL I'M ASKING
IS THAT YOU SHOW
A LITTLE SPARK.
50
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,599
HOW CAN I GET BEST PRODUCER
IF I CAN'T RIDE
51
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,301
ON THE COATTAILS
OF A BEST HOST?
52
00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:51,102
MICHAEL, I AM NOT
GONNA CHANGE THE SHOW.
53
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,371
I THINK IT'S
PRETTY DARN INTERESTING
THE WAY IT IS.
54
00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:55,873
MAN, WAS THAT A GOOD SHOW.
55
00:02:55,875 --> 00:02:57,375
SEE, MICHAEL?
OUR DIRECTOR LIKED IT.
56
00:02:57,377 --> 00:02:59,444
OH. NOT YOUR SHOW.
57
00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:02,180
I CAUGHT THE LAST SIX MINUTES
OF WALT BLEDSOE.
58
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:05,049
HE HELD THIS
COUNCILMAN'S HEAD UNDERWATER
TILL THE GUY AGREED WITH HIM.
59
00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:09,287
BOY, HE'S REALLY BUCKING
FOR THAT VITA.
60
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,788
J.J., YOU'RE MY DIRECTOR.
61
00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:12,557
SHOULDN'T YOU BE WATCHING
THE SHOW YOU'RE DIRECTING?
62
00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:14,426
DICK, WITH YOUR SHOW,
63
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,928
I CAN PRACTICALLY LOCK
THE CAMERA INTO PLACE.
64
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:20,665
IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE GONNA MOVE
OR GESTURE OR ANYTHING.
65
00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:22,300
ANYWAY, WALT HELD
THIS GUY'S HEAD--
66
00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,269
LOOK, I DON'T WANNA HEAR
ANY MORE ABOUT WALT,
67
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:26,904
AND I DON'T WANT YOU
WATCHING OTHER SHOWS
WHILE I'M ON THE AIR.
68
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:32,444
ANYTHING YOU SAY... DICK!
69
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:34,613
CAREFUL, DICK.
I KNOW IT'S HARD
FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND,
70
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,481
BUT OTHER PEOPLE
DO HAVE FEELINGS.
71
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,325
[SNEEZES]
72
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:49,294
JOANNA, I HAVE A COLD.
73
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:52,297
I'M GOING TO NEED
NINE DAYS OFF.
74
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:53,632
NINE DAYS?
75
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:56,134
FOUR DAYS FOR THE COLD
TO RUN ITS COURSE,
76
00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:59,837
AND THREE DAYS FOR MY NOSE
TO STOP LOOKING
LIKE A STRAWBERRY,
77
00:03:59,839 --> 00:04:03,275
AND TWO DAYS FOR BEING
A BRAVE LITTLE SOLDIER.
78
00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:05,810
STEPHANIE, YOU JUST NEED ONE.
79
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:07,812
WHY DON'T WE WAIT
FOR A FEW MORE SYMPTOMS
80
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:10,014
BEFORE WE LOCK INTO
THIS NINE-DAY THING?
81
00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:12,450
OKAY, BUT I'D HATE
TO HAVE TO ADD EXTRA DAYS
82
00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:14,619
FOR NEEDLESS SUFFERING.
83
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:20,592
AH, MORNING, HONEY.
84
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,026
HONEY,
85
00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:25,363
DO YOU THINK I'M...
UNEMOTIONAL AND COLD?
86
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:26,831
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
87
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:29,801
YOU THINK I'M
WITHOUT EMOTION AND UN-WARM.
88
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:32,370
DICK, I LOVE YOU
JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
89
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:33,871
WHICH IS WHAT?
90
00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:37,309
WELL, YOU'RE...
A LITTLE RESERVED.
91
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:41,212
AH. THAT'S ENGLISH
FOR "COLORLESS," RIGHT?
HONEY...
92
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:43,815
IT'S NOT LIKE
I DON'T HAVE FEELINGS
LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
93
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,817
I DO. THERE'S ALL--
94
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,486
ALL KINDS OF STUFF
GOING ON IN HERE.
95
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:53,191
MORNING, EVERYONE.
MORNING, GEORGE.
96
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:57,429
GEORGE, DO YOU THINK
I'M UNEMOTIONAL AND COLD?
97
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,464
YES, DICK.
98
00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:03,100
YOU DO?
99
00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:05,136
GEE, I THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT
TO TELL YOU.
100
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,539
I MEAN, YOU NEVER GET UPSET
ABOUT ANYTHING.
101
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:10,608
YOU ARE UPSET, AREN'T YOU?
IT'S SO HARD TO TELL.
102
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,045
DICK, WHAT'S THIS
ALL ABOUT?
103
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:16,681
MICHAEL HAS THIS IDEA
I CAN GET A NOMINATION
104
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:19,050
FOR THE VERMONT INDUSTRY
TV AWARDS
105
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,985
IF I WERE MORE
DYNAMIC AND ELECTRIC
106
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,887
ON-- ON NEXT WEEK'S SHOW.
107
00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:24,522
YOU MEAN LIKE WALT BLEDSOE?
108
00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:26,924
NO, NOT LIKE WALT BLEDSOE.
109
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:28,593
GUY'S A JERK.
110
00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:30,528
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
111
00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:33,164
DID YOU SEE THAT SHOW
WHERE HE HAD THIS QUAKER GUY
112
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,166
IN A HALF NELSON?
113
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,669
IT TOOK HIM FOREVER
TO PIN THE GUY.
114
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,374
WHAT A JERK.
115
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,409
WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY
YOU HAVE TO ACT
116
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:47,645
TO GET A VITA AWARD,
THIS GUY DOESN'T WANT ONE.
117
00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:50,849
BUT, HONEY,
YOU HAVE TO ADMIT,
IT WOULD BE AN HONOR.
118
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:54,486
AND I'M SURE YOU COULD WIN ONE
WITHOUT ROUGHING UP A QUAKER.
119
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:57,789
CAN'T A PERSON
JUST ENJOY THEIR WORK?
120
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,791
LOOK AT GEORGE.
I MEAN, HE DOESN'T HAVE TO
121
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:01,793
ENTER A HANDYMAN COMPETITION
TO BE FULFILLED.
122
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,996
THERE'S A CONTEST
FOR BEST HANDYMAN?
123
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,931
NO, GEORGE.
124
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:09,467
DANG.
125
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:12,169
DICK, WHY ARE YOU
SO SET AGAINST IT?
126
00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:14,372
HONEY,
127
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,841
I-- I HATED THE WHOLE IDEA
OF COMPETITION
128
00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:18,877
EVER SINCE CAMP COWAPOKA.
129
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,680
BUT MY FAVORITE SPORT
WAS-- WAS DIVING.
130
00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:26,217
I WAS LIKE A--
LIKE A KNIFE IN THE AIR.
131
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,021
I WAS HAVING THE--
THE BEST SUMMER OF MY LIFE
132
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,757
UN-UNTIL GOLDEN TOMAHAWK DAYS.
133
00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:35,794
THERE WERE EVENTS
IN ALL SPORTS.
134
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:39,030
THE WINNERS GOT THIS--
THIS TOMAHAWK
135
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,433
WITH A GLEAMING GOLD HANDLE
136
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:45,202
AND A BEAUTIFUL RUBBER BLADE.
137
00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:47,872
I WANTED ONE LIKE I NEVER...
138
00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:50,442
WANTED ANY OTHER TOMAHAWK
IN-- IN MY LIFE.
139
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:55,547
BUT I--
I WANTED IT TOO MUCH.
140
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,615
BY THE DAY OF THE CONTEST,
I WAS--
141
00:06:57,617 --> 00:07:00,952
I WAS SO NERVOUS
I WAS NO LONGER A-- A KNIFE,
142
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:04,722
I WAS MORE LIKE A... SPATULA.
143
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:08,827
IN-- IN ONE DIVE,
I LOST THE--
144
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:12,096
THE COMPETITION,
THE TOMAHAWK, AND--
145
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:15,366
AND MY--
MY SWIMMING TRUNKS.
146
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,303
WELL, THERE WAS ANOTHER SNEEZE
IN THE KITCHEN.
147
00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:21,372
IS THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU,
148
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,775
OR DO YOU WANNA WAIT
FOR THE CORONER'S REPORT?
149
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:30,348
HI, DICK.
WE WERE WONDERING
150
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:31,983
IF YOU'D LIKE TO DISCUSS
THIS WEEK'S SHOW.
151
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,050
"WE"?
152
00:07:33,052 --> 00:07:34,118
COME ON IN, GUYS.
153
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:38,590
HAIL, HAIL,
THE GANG'S ALL HERE.
154
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:43,661
WHY IS THE GANG
ALL HERE?
155
00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:46,197
WE WANNA DO SOME SPITBALLING
ABOUT THIS SUNDAY'S SHOW.
156
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,199
I'VE COME UP WITH
SOME GREAT IDEAS FOR GUESTS.
157
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,034
WE'VE ALREADY BOOKED
ELSA CARRUTHERS,
158
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:52,871
THE LIBRARIAN
WHO FOUND THE ALTERNATIVE
TO THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM.
159
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:56,708
OKAY. CAN I BE THE ONE
TO BLOW THE DUST OFF HER?
160
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,376
DICK, WHAT WE NEED
161
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,512
IS A GUEST WHO HAS
SOME OOMPH, SOME WATTAGE.
162
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,313
SOMEBODY WITH A LITTLE
WACKEDA-WACKEDA,
163
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,781
BINGADA-BONGADA BOOM!
164
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:07,451
I FOUND A WOMAN
WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE
165
00:08:07,453 --> 00:08:10,087
SIX DIFFERENT
AND DISTINCT PERSONALITIES.
166
00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:11,589
I THINK SHE'S LEGIT, DICK.
167
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:14,291
AND SHE'S WILLING
TO COME OUT IN A BIKINI.
168
00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:15,760
MICHAEL...
169
00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:18,563
THREE OF HER PERSONALITIES
THINK SCANTY CLOTHING IS SEXIST.
170
00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:21,533
THE OTHER THREE
SEEM TO GET OFF ON IT.
171
00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,601
I CAN SHOOT
THE BIJANGLES OUT OF IT.
172
00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:27,138
WE OPEN WITH THIS NUTCASE
ON A PSYCHIATRIST'S COUCH
173
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,840
RISING OUT OF THE STAGE.
174
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,143
I GOT A BETTER IDEA.
175
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,178
SUPPOSE I BUILD
A PSYCHIATRIST'S COUCH
176
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,480
AND HAVE IT RISE
OUT OF THE STAGE?
177
00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:40,418
SPEAKING OF ECHOES...
178
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:44,388
I CAN CREATE SOME ATMOSPHERE
WITH ECHO EFFECT.
179
00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:46,624
UH, HOW ABOUT A FOG MACHINE?
180
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:50,595
IT WOULD REPRESENT HER
CLOUDED PERCEPTION OF REALITY.
181
00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:52,630
THAT'S A HOT LOOK.
182
00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:54,298
NO FOG.
183
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:56,167
UH, SORRY.
184
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:58,302
DID YOU
CONTRIBUTE SOMETHING?
185
00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:00,004
YES. I CONTRIBUTED A "NO."
186
00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:04,776
FINE. HAVE IT YOUR WAY...
187
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:07,445
DICK!
188
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:10,281
LOOK, IT'S OBVIOUS
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE.
189
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,950
YOU'RE ALL TRYING
TO USE SOMEBODY'S SHOW
190
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,918
TO WIN YOURSELF A--
A VITA NOMINATION.
191
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,420
WELL, FORGET IT.
WE'RE GONNA DO OUR REGULAR SHOW.
192
00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:18,690
OUR GUEST IS A LIBRARIAN
WITH ONE PERSONALITY.
193
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:21,392
NO FOG, NO RISING FURNITURE,
194
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,028
AND NO WACKEDA-WACKEDA,
BINGITY-BOMITY BOOM.
195
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,497
END OF MEETING.
196
00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:29,400
I'LL GET BUSY
BUILDING THAT RISING COUCH.
197
00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:32,570
NO RISING COUCH!
198
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:36,540
NOW HE GETS EMOTIONAL.
199
00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:39,711
YEAH. HE EVEN GESTURED.
200
00:09:43,683 --> 00:09:46,517
DICK, YOU DO REALIZE
YOU JUST TROD ON THE HOPES
201
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,786
OF SOME PRETTY FAIR EXCUSES
FOR HUMAN BEINGS.
202
00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:51,455
I DON'T WANNA COMPETE
FOR SOME STUPID AWARD.
203
00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:53,124
DON'T WANT TO, OR...
204
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,226
[CLUCKING]
205
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:57,328
I'M NOT CHICKEN.
206
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:59,897
WHOA. BETTER PUT A BAND-AID
ON THE EXPOSED NERVE.
207
00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:01,833
THERE ARE NO EXPOSED NERVES
208
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:03,701
OR CHICKENS IN THIS OFFICE,
ALL RIGHT?
209
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:06,303
DICK, IF YOU SAY SO,
THE SUBJECT'S CLOSED.
210
00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:14,045
[CLUCKING]
211
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:23,454
HI, HONEY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
212
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,123
OH, I'M JUST,
UH, BRUSHING UP
213
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,725
ON THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM
FOR MY SHOW THIS AFTERNOON.
214
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:29,393
OH.
HOW'S STEPHANIE FEELING?
215
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:31,328
WELL, SHE'S RIGHT
ON SCHEDULE.
216
00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:33,965
SHE'S ON THE LAST DAY
OF STRAWBERRY NOSE.
217
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,400
HI, ALL.
HI, MICHAEL.
218
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:38,502
I'M HERE REGARDING
THAT LITTLE BEAUTY
219
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:40,705
ANY SANE MAN
WOULD WANT TO POSSESS.
220
00:10:40,707 --> 00:10:41,973
STEPHANIE'S UPSTAIRS.
221
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,308
NOT THAT LITTLE BEAUTY,
222
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:47,045
THIS ONE.
223
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,546
THE VITA,
224
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,614
THE VERMONT TELEVISION
INDUSTRY'S SYMBOL
225
00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:52,449
OF EXCELLENCE.
226
00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:54,786
MICHAEL,
WHERE'D YOU GET THIS?
227
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:56,587
OUR STATION MANAGER
LENT ME HERS
228
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,890
WHEN SHE WASN'T LOOKING.
229
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,958
IT'S BEAUTIFUL,
ISN'T IT, DICK?
230
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,861
IT'S, UH--
IT'S OKAY.
231
00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:06,064
COULD BE BIGGER.
232
00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:08,166
I GUESS THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN US, DICK.
233
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,967
YOU LOOK AT THIS
AND SEE FLAWS.
234
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,136
I SEE SOMETHING
I'D GIVE A LIMB FOR,
235
00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:15,773
AND I'M NOT...
[CLUCKING]
TO ADMIT IT.
236
00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:20,078
MICHAEL, WOULD YOU AND...
THIS LEAVE TOGETHER?
237
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,479
DICK, I CAN'T LEAVE
WITHOUT VISITING
MY UNDER-THE-WEATHER BLONDE.
238
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:25,416
STEPH?
239
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:27,518
[STEPHANIE]
HI, MICHAEL!
240
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,187
GET WELL, CUPCAKE.
241
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,922
THANK YOU!
242
00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:33,725
THAT'S IT?
243
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,128
OF COURSE.
STEPHANIE AND I MADE A PACT
244
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:39,130
NEVER TO SEE EACH OTHER
IN TIMES OF ILLNESS,
245
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:42,200
DOLDRUMS,
OR SKIN ERUPTIONS.
246
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,702
WELL, GOTTA SCOOT.
247
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,704
UH, MICHAEL, YOU--
YOU FORGOT THE VITA.
248
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,773
SEE YOU AT THE STUDIO.
249
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,844
GEE, DICK, THAT'S NICE.
250
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:56,547
IS THAT THE AWARD YOU COULD WIN
IF YOU SHOWED MORE PERSONALITY?
251
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,382
YEAH.
252
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,151
YOU LOOK GOOD
HOLDING THAT, HONEY.
253
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:01,652
LOOK,
I DON'T WANT THIS AWARD.
254
00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:03,320
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN IT.
255
00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:05,389
I-I COULDN'T CARE LESS
ABOUT IT.
256
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,091
OKAY.
257
00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:09,093
I'M GONNA MAKE
SOME SOUP FOR STEPHANIE.
258
00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:10,762
YOU WANT SOME, GEORGE?
SURE.
259
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,696
HOW ABOUT YOU, DICK?
IT'S CHICKEN.
260
00:12:12,698 --> 00:12:14,031
I AM NOT.
261
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,104
HI.
262
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:22,907
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
263
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,576
I'M LARRY.
THIS IS MY BROTHER DARRYL,
264
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,478
AND THIS IS
MY OTHER BROTHER DARRYL.
265
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,712
I KNOW.
266
00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:31,182
WE HEARD MISS STEPHANIE'S
WHITE CORPUSCLES
267
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,850
WERE BATTLING
FOR THE SUPREMACY
268
00:12:32,852 --> 00:12:35,319
OF HER LOVELY INNARDS.
269
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:38,389
THAT--
THAT'S THE SCUTTLEBUTT.
270
00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:40,624
SO WE'RE HERE
TO CHEER HER UP.
271
00:12:40,626 --> 00:12:43,527
HEY, AIN'T THAT
ONE OF THOSE VITA AWARDS?
272
00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:44,728
YES. YES, IT IS.
273
00:12:44,730 --> 00:12:46,463
YOU DIDN'T GET THAT
FOR YOUR SHOW?
274
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:49,566
NO.
275
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,855
[SIGHS]
WOW.
276
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:14,058
WELL, WHAT A SURPRISE.
277
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,728
LET ME, UH--
278
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,831
LET ME PINCH MYSELF
FOR A MOMENT.
279
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,567
A LITTLE, UH...
280
00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:25,736
A LITTLE PIECE OF THIS
281
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:28,272
BELONGS TO A LOT OF PEOPLE.
282
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,944
I'D LIKE TO THANK
MY VERMONT TODAY CREW,
283
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:36,981
THOSE WACKEDY-WACKEDY GUYS.
284
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,983
I'D LIKE TO THANK
MY WIFE, JOANNA,
285
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:42,519
WITHOUT WHOM I'D ONLY BE
A TALENTED... BACHELOR.
286
00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:44,621
[LAUGHING]
287
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:51,395
AND TO THE OTHER NOMINEES,
I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY...
288
00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:54,465
YOU'RE ALL WINNERS.
289
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,633
EXCEPT YOU, WALT BLEDSOE.
290
00:13:56,635 --> 00:13:58,836
YOU'RE A JERK!
291
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:16,820
WOW.
292
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:20,724
HANDYMAN OF THE YEAR.
293
00:14:22,661 --> 00:14:25,429
UH, I'D JUST LIKE TO THANK...
294
00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:27,365
[SNEEZES]
295
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,300
BLESS YOU,
MISS STEPHANIE.
296
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:31,936
DARRYL, A LADY
JUST SNEEZED.
297
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,872
OH, THAT'S OKAY.
298
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,442
MISS STEPHANIE,
299
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:40,577
WE'D RATHER SLOW DANCE
WITH A CRANKY GRIZZLY
300
00:14:40,579 --> 00:14:42,914
THAN SEE YOU
LAID UP LIKE THIS.
301
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,916
THAT'S WHY WE'RE
GONNA DO FOR YOU
302
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,718
WHAT OUR DADDY DONE FOR US
WHEN WE WAS FEELING POORLY.
303
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:58,195
[GASPS]
A PUPPET SHOW!
304
00:14:58,197 --> 00:15:00,564
IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY
TO CHEER UP A SICK ROOM?
305
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,303
HI.
306
00:15:06,705 --> 00:15:08,406
I THOUGHT, UH,
307
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:12,176
I'D STOP IN TO SEE
IF YOU NEEDED ANYTHING...
308
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:14,812
BROUGHT TO YOU OR...
309
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:16,513
TAKEN AWAY.
310
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:18,215
NOT NOW, DICK.
311
00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:20,184
THEY'RE ABOUT TO DO
A PUPPET SHOW.
312
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,819
AH.
313
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:24,755
ONCE UPON A TIME
IN THE KINGDOM OF ANTS,
314
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,391
THERE WAS A BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS
WHO HAD A COLD.
315
00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:29,560
A-ACHOO!
316
00:15:32,731 --> 00:15:35,132
NEARBY LIVED
A FINE YOUNG ANT...
317
00:15:37,136 --> 00:15:39,070
WHO LOVED THE PRINCESS.
318
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:43,307
AND THE PRINCESS,
IF TRUTH BE TOLD,
319
00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:45,542
HAD EYES FOR HIM.
320
00:15:45,544 --> 00:15:47,711
ABOUT 12 OF THEM.
321
00:15:47,713 --> 00:15:50,781
BUT HER FATHER,
THE KING, SAID,
322
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,250
"HOLD ON. YOU CAN'T
MARRY MY DAUGHTER
323
00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:55,752
"UNTIL YOU RID THE KINGDOM
OF THIS BIG EYESORE
324
00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:57,621
OF A RUBBER TREE."
325
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:01,192
OHH.
326
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:03,995
AT FIRST,
THE ANT WAS AFRAID
TO EVEN TRY.
327
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:05,629
FOR HE KNEW
328
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:08,099
HE DID NOT HAVE A SPINE
LIKE THE HIGHER VERTEBRATES.
329
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,203
BUT THE PRINCESS
WAS SUCH A LOOKER
330
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:15,039
THAT HE DECIDED TO GIVE IT
A SHAKE ANYWAY.
331
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:18,976
HIT IT, DARRYL.
332
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,446
[MAN]� JUST WHAT MAKESTHAT LITTLE OLE ANT �
333
00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:26,150
� THINK HE'LL MOVETHAT RUBBER TREE PLANT �
334
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:29,820
� ANYONE KNOWS AN ANT CAN'T �
335
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,755
� MOVE A RUBBER TREE PLANT �
336
00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:35,626
[MAN, CHILDREN]� BUT HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES �
337
00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:38,496
� HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES �
338
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:42,400
� HE'S GOT HIGH APPLE PIE �
339
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:45,269
� IN THE SKY HOPES �
340
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:48,339
[MAN]� SO ANY TIMEYOU'RE GETTIN' LOW �
341
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,274
� 'STEAD OF LETTIN' GO �
342
00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:53,210
� JUST REMEMBER THAT ANT �
343
00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:57,081
� OOPS, THERE GOESANOTHER RUBBER TREE �
344
00:16:57,083 --> 00:17:00,384
[CHILDREN]� OOPS, THERE GOESANOTHER RUBBER TREE �
345
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:04,621
[MAN, CHILDREN]� OOPS, THERE GOESANOTHER RUBBER TREE PLANT �
346
00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:08,092
�� [MUSIC ENDS]
347
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:09,626
[CHUCKLES]
348
00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:11,662
I WANT IT.
349
00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:14,631
WHAT?
350
00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:16,567
I WANT THAT VITA.
351
00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:23,040
W-WHERE DID DICK GO?
352
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,975
THE SHOW'S ABOUT TO START.
353
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:26,977
[MAN OVER SPEAKER DEVICE]AND NOW, VERMONT TODAY,
354
00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:30,414
STARRING DICK LOUDON,WITH TODAY'S GUEST,
355
00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:32,950
LIBRARIAN ELSA CARRUTHERS.
356
00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:42,960
BOY, HAVE WE GOT
A SHOW FOR YOU TODAY.
357
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:45,362
WELL, LET'S--
LET'S JUMP RIGHT INTO IT.
358
00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:48,865
TELL US, ELSA,
WHEN DID YOU FIRST DISCOVER
359
00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:51,034
THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM
SUCKS WHEN?
360
00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:58,576
I WAS FILING A BOOK
ON OPHTHALMOLOGY
361
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,578
INTO THE 600 SECTION,
362
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,347
WHEN SUDDENLY IT HIT ME:
363
00:18:03,349 --> 00:18:06,683
THERE HAS GOT TO BE
A BETTER WAY.
364
00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:10,654
AND THAT'S WHEN I DEVELOPED
MY CATALOGING SYSTEM.
365
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:13,524
SO FAR, THOUGH,
I'VE MET WITH NOTHING
BUT RESISTANCE.
366
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,259
DAMN IT!
367
00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:19,130
I MEAN, ISN'T THAT
ALWAYS THE WAY?
368
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,632
WHY DO ALL
OUR TRUE PIONEERS
369
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,501
GET THE SHAFT?
370
00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:26,703
ACTUALLY, ALL I'VE GOTTEN
371
00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:29,006
ARE A FEW POLITE REJECTIONS.
372
00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:30,941
WELL, I DON'T CARE.
THAT KIND OF THING
373
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,743
BURNS MY TAIL.
374
00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:35,078
WHAT'S WITH DICK?
375
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,913
EITHER A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE,
376
00:18:36,915 --> 00:18:38,415
OR HE'S GOING
FOR THAT NOMINATION.
377
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:41,418
EITHER WAY,
IT'S AN IMPROVEMENT.
378
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,720
IT'S IRONIC THAT LIBRARIANS,
379
00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:47,358
OF ALL PEOPLE, CAN'T SEE
THE HANDWRITING ON THE WALL.
380
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,126
[LAUGHING HILARIOUSLY]
381
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,028
[STOMPING FEET]
382
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,963
[LAUGHING CONTINUES]
383
00:18:58,737 --> 00:19:01,738
AND THEY SAY LIBRARIANS
ARE PRIM AND STODGY.
384
00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:03,740
LET ME TELL YOU,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
385
00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:06,109
THIS IS A FUNNY LADY.
386
00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:12,416
WOW. AND THE NOMINEES ARE...
387
00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:15,952
OKAY, IF HE'S GOING
FOR A NOMINATION,
388
00:19:15,954 --> 00:19:17,921
I'M GOING
FOR A NOMINATION.
389
00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:20,057
BETWEEN YOU AND ME,
390
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:23,760
LOOKS LIKE WHAT DICK'S
GOING FOR HERE IS A NOMINATION.
391
00:19:23,762 --> 00:19:26,063
I MAY BE ALONE IN THIS,
392
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:28,131
BUT I'M GOING
FOR ONE TOO.
393
00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:31,535
[ELSA]AND THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM
394
00:19:31,537 --> 00:19:33,837
IS ESPECIALLY DIFFICULTFOR CHILDREN.
395
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,707
I CAN'T TELL YOUHOW MANY TIMES
396
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:40,043
CHILDREN HAVECOME UP TO ME CONFUSED,
397
00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:41,978
NEEDING ASSISTANCE.
398
00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:45,015
I'M, UH...
399
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,651
I'M SORRY. UH...
400
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:50,754
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, IT'S--
401
00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:55,158
IT'S ONE THING FOR--FOR US ADULTS, BUT...
402
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,094
[SIGHS]I MEAN, WHEN KI--
403
00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:59,496
[VOICE BREAKING UP]WHEN KIDS HAVE TO SUFFER...
404
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,934
I DON'T KNOW.I DON'T KNOW.
405
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:06,036
I DON'T KNOW.
406
00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:10,307
I'VE NEVER SEEN DICK
ACTING SO--
407
00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:12,109
WEIRD.
YEAH.
408
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:16,347
[DICK CRYING]
409
00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:18,349
I WISH LARRY,
DARRYL AND DARRYL
410
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,618
WOULD COME BACK
WITH THEIR PUPPETS.
411
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:25,422
YOU KNOW,
OUR DISCUSSION TODAY
RELATES TO...
412
00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:28,792
SOME PRETTY HEAVY ISSUES
IN-- IN MY OWN LIFE.
413
00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:31,862
BOOKS HAVE ALWAYS HAD
414
00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:33,864
A SPECIAL MEANING TO ME.
415
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:36,533
[CLACKING]
416
00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:39,770
I REMEMBER GO--
417
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,705
GOING TO THE LIBRARY...
418
00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:45,075
WHEN-- WHEN I WAS A KID.
419
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,344
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
420
00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,212
I'M NOT SURE.
421
00:20:49,214 --> 00:20:51,482
[PHONE RINGING]
422
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,388
AW, COME ON.
423
00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:59,323
[RINGING CONTINUES]
424
00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:12,703
SOMETHING WEIRD
IS GOING ON.
425
00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:15,673
I'M-- I'M-- I'M SURE--
426
00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:18,542
I'M SURE
IT WILL STOP IMMEDIATELY!
[ECHOING]
427
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:24,381
A-- ALL RIGHT. CUT--
428
00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:27,884
CUT IT OUT!
[ECHOING]
429
00:21:27,886 --> 00:21:30,688
I MEAN IT![ECHOING]
430
00:21:30,690 --> 00:21:35,859
BOY, THIS IS BAD,
BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD.
431
00:21:38,096 --> 00:21:40,163
[RINGING CONTINUES]
I WANT EVERYTHING
432
00:21:40,165 --> 00:21:42,299
BACK TO NORMAL.
[ECHOING]
433
00:21:44,169 --> 00:21:45,769
NOW!
[RINGING STOPS]
434
00:21:45,771 --> 00:21:49,573
[J.J. OVER SPEAKER DEVICE]ANYTHING YOU SAY... DICK!
435
00:21:49,575 --> 00:21:51,408
[COUGHING]
436
00:21:51,410 --> 00:21:54,345
ARE-- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT,
MRS. CARRUTHERS?
437
00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:56,847
I THINK SO.
[COUGHING]
438
00:21:58,217 --> 00:22:00,684
I THINK I--
I THINK I SEE THAT OUR--
439
00:22:00,686 --> 00:22:02,820
THAT OUR TIME IS UP.
440
00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:05,055
UH, BEFORE WE GO,
I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE
441
00:22:05,057 --> 00:22:07,157
TO-- TO MY GUEST, UH--
442
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,993
MRS. CARRUTHERS,
I'M SORRY WE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE
TO TALK MORE--
443
00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:11,495
WHO CARES?
444
00:22:11,497 --> 00:22:14,130
JUST PLEASE LET THIS END.
445
00:22:14,132 --> 00:22:17,067
RIGHT. UH...
446
00:22:17,069 --> 00:22:19,970
I'D LIKE-- I'D LIKE
TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU
447
00:22:19,972 --> 00:22:23,173
FOR WHAT YOU'VE--
YOU'VE JUST SEEN HERE.
448
00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:27,644
A LOT OF PEOPLE GOT
CARRIED AWAY HERE TODAY.
449
00:22:27,646 --> 00:22:30,881
I'M, UH,
ESPECIALLY EMBARRASSED...
450
00:22:31,984 --> 00:22:33,917
FOR-- FOR MY PERFORMANCE,
451
00:22:33,919 --> 00:22:36,219
WHICH CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED
452
00:22:36,221 --> 00:22:39,823
AS BOZO THE HOST.
453
00:22:39,825 --> 00:22:41,825
I-- I CAN ASSURE YOU THIS--
454
00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:43,761
THIS WILL--
WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
455
00:22:43,763 --> 00:22:46,096
[LOUD CRACKLE]
456
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:30,574
[MAN'S VOICE]MEOW.
32791
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