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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,936 �� [THEME MUSIC] 2 00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,035 I QUIT. I CAN'T WRITE THIS BOOK 3 00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:13,938 ON MAKING PILLOWS. 4 00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:15,940 I'M OUT OF PATIENCE, I'M OUT OF TIME, 5 00:01:15,942 --> 00:01:17,242 AND IF I INHALE ONE MORE FEATHER, 6 00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:20,845 I'M GONNA OFFICIALLY QUALIFY AS A MATTRESS. 7 00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:22,947 CALM DOWN AND TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED. 8 00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:25,250 IT EXPLODED, AGAIN. 9 00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:28,019 - I'M GOING DOWN TO O'SHEA'S. - DICK. 10 00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,754 NO TELLING WHAT TIME I'LL BE BACK. 11 00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,423 DICK, IT'S NOT EVEN NOON. 12 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:32,924 JOANNA, DON'T TRY TO STOP ME. 13 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:36,561 I NEED A MILKSHAKE. 14 00:01:36,563 --> 00:01:39,831 DICK, COME ON. YOU'VE NEVER GIVEN UP ON A BOOK BEFORE. 15 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,667 THAT'S BECAUSE MY OTHER BOOKS WERE ABOUT THINGS I KNEW ABOUT. 16 00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:45,003 GUY STUFF. LUMBER, STEEL, BRICKS. 17 00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:47,939 NOT THINGS THAT CAN FLY UP YOUR NOSE. 18 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,641 HONEY, I SEW PILLOWS ALL THE TIME. 19 00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,443 LET'S GO SIT DOWN, AND I'LL SHOW YOU HOW. 20 00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,911 OKAY, BUT IF THIS DOESN'T WORK, I'M GONNA GO DOWN TO O'SHEA'S 21 00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:56,681 AND DRINK MYSELF UNDER THE PLASTIC CLOWN. 22 00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:02,387 HI, I'M LARRY. 23 00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:06,991 THIS IS MY BROTHER DARYL, 24 00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:10,128 - AND THIS IS MY OTHER-- - WE KNOW, LARRY. 25 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,729 WHAT-- WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU? 26 00:02:11,731 --> 00:02:14,932 TERMITES HAVE INFESTED OUR DOMICILE. 27 00:02:14,934 --> 00:02:16,934 THAT'S AWFUL. 28 00:02:16,936 --> 00:02:18,537 HAVE YOU CALLED AN EXTERMINATOR? 29 00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,905 YEAH, HE'S FUMIGATING MONDAY. 30 00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:24,042 THE SAD THING IS, IN ORDER TO GET RID OF THE TERMITES, 31 00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:26,344 HE HAS TO KILL THE SILVERFISH. 32 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,449 THERE'S-- THERE'S SO MUCH SENSELESS SLAUGHTER. 33 00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:36,120 ANYWAY, AS MUCH AS WE'D LIKE TO, 34 00:02:36,122 --> 00:02:38,290 THEY WON'T LET US STAY DURING THE GASSING. 35 00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:43,595 SO WE'VE COME OVER TO PREVAIL ON YOU FOR A RESERVATION. 36 00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,897 YOU-- YOU WANT TO STAY HERE? 37 00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,499 BASEMENT'LL BE FINE. 38 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,067 LARRY, THE BASEMENT 39 00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:51,603 IS DARK AND DAMP AND FULL OF MILDEW. 40 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:54,239 YOU DON'T HAVE TO SELL US. 41 00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:58,976 FELLAS, THE BASEMENT IS NOT AVAILABLE. 42 00:02:58,978 --> 00:03:00,312 WHY DON'T YOU TRY A ROOM? 43 00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:03,114 OKAY. SEE YOU NEXT MONDAY. 44 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:07,552 TOLD YOU WE SHOULD'VE MADE RESERVATIONS EARLIER. 45 00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:13,758 HERE. I FINISHED A FEW PILLOWS. 46 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,293 AW, THANKS-- THANKS, HONEY, 47 00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:18,363 FOR BEING SUCH A BIG HELP ALL THIS WEEK. 48 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:22,334 WOW, YOU'RE UP TO PAGE 68. THAT'S GREAT. 49 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:23,602 HERE IT COMES. 50 00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,303 DO YOU WANNA DO IT THIS TIME? 51 00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:27,505 OH, COULD I? 52 00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:30,141 � DOOP DOOP DOO-DOO � 53 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:32,677 HAH, THAT IS FUN. 54 00:03:32,679 --> 00:03:34,112 WELL, YOU EARNED IT. I NEVER COULD'VE 55 00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:36,180 FINISHED THIS BOOK WITHOUT YOUR HELP. 56 00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:37,282 OH. 57 00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:38,816 YOU KNOW, MAYBE I SHOULD-- 58 00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:40,985 I SHOULD PUT YOUR NAME ON THE BOOK, TOO. 59 00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:43,154 OKAY. 60 00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:47,559 OKAY WHAT? 61 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,026 OKAY, I ACCEPT. 62 00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:51,329 I'D LOVE TO HAVE MY NAME ON THE BOOK. 63 00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,431 THANK YOU, HONEY. 64 00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:55,333 THAT IS SO... 65 00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:57,068 YOU. 66 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,403 IT IS? 67 00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,171 YES. 68 00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:01,673 UNLESS YOU DIDN'T MEAN IT. 69 00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:04,108 NO, OF COURSE-- OF COURSE I MEANT IT. 70 00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:10,548 IF I DIDN'T MEAN IT, 71 00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:13,017 I SHOULDN'T'VE SAID IT. 72 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,123 GEORGE, GUESS WHAT? 73 00:04:19,125 --> 00:04:21,993 UH... 74 00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:24,262 DICK'S GONNA SHARE WRITING CREDIT WITH ME 75 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,198 - ON HIS BOOK! - OH, THAT'S TERRIFIC! 76 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,201 THAT'S SO HIM. 77 00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,570 - JOANNA-- - DICK, JOANNA JUST TOLD ME 78 00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:34,439 THE GOOD NEWS. AND DON'T WORRY. 79 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,775 THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN'T WRITE THIS BOOK BY YOURSELF 80 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,778 DOESN'T MAKE YOU ANY SMALLER IN MY EYES. 81 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:43,448 IF ANYTHING, I THINK THE SAME OF YOU. 82 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:47,118 THANKS, GEORGE. 83 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,655 HI, ALL. TAI AND RANDY ARE BACK. 84 00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:52,390 DID YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME SKATING? 85 00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:53,725 ARE YOU KIDDING? 86 00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:57,595 HOW COULD WE NOT HAVE A GOOD TIME LOOKING THIS CUTE? 87 00:04:57,597 --> 00:04:59,364 AND GOING LIKE THIS? 88 00:05:03,403 --> 00:05:05,437 GUESS WHAT? DICK'S MAKING ME 89 00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:06,938 CO-AUTHOR ON HIS BOOK! 90 00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,541 OH. IS THAT EXCITING? 91 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:12,444 - YES. - [STEPHANIE SQUEALS] 92 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,847 OH, WAIT A MINUTE. THAT IS EXCITING. 93 00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,915 THAT MEANS YOUR PICTURE WILL BE IN THE BACK COVER. 94 00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:20,418 I GUESS SO. WILL IT? 95 00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:27,625 WELL, IF I DIDN'T WANT YOUR FACE ON THE BACK COVER, 96 00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:30,829 THEN I WOULDN'T PUT YOUR NAME ON THE FRONT. 97 00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,366 WHY, CONGRATS, JOANNA. WHAT A PLUM FOR YOU. 98 00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:35,567 DICK, WHAT A TOUCHING GESTURE. 99 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:38,035 - [PHONE RINGS] - OH, I'LL GET THAT. 100 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,307 YOU'RE BURNED OUT, RIGHT? 101 00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:44,876 - NO. - WELL, GOOD, BECAUSE 102 00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,310 I WOULDN'T WANT THIS TEAMING UP BUSINESS 103 00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:47,579 TO SPILL OVER INTO THE SHOW. 104 00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:49,280 THERE'S NO BUDGET FOR A CO-HOST. 105 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,416 THERE'S NO NEED FOR A CO-HOST. 106 00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:53,785 OR BUDGET. 107 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,387 MICHAEL, DO YOU WANNA GO MAKE SOME COCOA? 108 00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,221 YES, HE DOES. 109 00:05:57,223 --> 00:05:59,824 YES, I DO. 110 00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:04,429 DICK, I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE BURNT OUT. 111 00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:06,264 THERE WAS A TIME IN MY LIFE WHEN I THOUGHT 112 00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,700 I'D NEVER OPEN ANOTHER DRAIN. 113 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:11,035 BUT, TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT, 114 00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:13,070 I DID. 115 00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:14,873 THAT WAS THE PEOPLE IN ROOM FIVE. 116 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,775 THEY NEED MORE TOWELS, AND THEY SAID 117 00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,142 IT WAS VERY SWEET OF YOU 118 00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:20,412 TO SHARE CREDIT WITH ME ON THE BOOK. 119 00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:24,783 HI, I'M LARRY. 120 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:26,951 PARTY OF THREE. 121 00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,753 YES. WE KNOW, LARRY. 122 00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:30,688 WE HAVE A ROOM READY FOR YOU. 123 00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:32,757 UH, GUYS, WE DON'T-- 124 00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:34,158 WE DON'T ALLOW PETS. 125 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,395 HE AIN'T A PET. HE'S OUR TRAVEL ALARM. 126 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,904 I'M SORRY. WE HAVE RULES. 127 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,204 TOO BAD. 128 00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:49,774 DARYL, TAKE LONG JEANS HERE OUT TO THE PORCH. 129 00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:54,979 HERE'S YOUR KEY. ENJOY YOUR STAY. 130 00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,981 OKAY. 131 00:06:56,983 --> 00:07:00,184 CONFIDENTIALLY, WE NEVER STAYED AT AN INN BEFORE. 132 00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:03,588 EXACTLY HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO COMPORT OURSELVES? 133 00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:06,925 JUST THE WAY YOU WOULD AT HOME. 134 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,994 OUR HOME. 135 00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:13,064 I GUESS WE COULD GIVE IT A SHAKE. 136 00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:16,100 I SUPPOSE THE POLITE THING IS TO SAY HI TO THE NEIGHBORS. 137 00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:19,904 [KNOCKS ON DOOR] 138 00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:23,341 HI, I'M LARRY. THIS IS MY BROTHER, DARYL-- 139 00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,276 LARRY! 140 00:07:29,315 --> 00:07:30,648 ELLIOT, YOU'RE MY AGENT. 141 00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:33,417 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SUPPORTIVE. 142 00:07:33,419 --> 00:07:35,019 WELL, CALLING ME A HAS-BEEN BURNOUT 143 00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:37,355 IS NOT SUPPORTIVE. 144 00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:38,857 THERE IS NO BEST SENSE 145 00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:41,726 OF THAT PHRASE. 146 00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,561 JOANNA IS NOT SLOWING ME DOWN. 147 00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:47,064 THE BOOK'LL BE A FEW DAYS LATE. 148 00:07:47,066 --> 00:07:49,667 ELLIOT, WHAT'S THAT STATIC? 149 00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:52,570 ALKA-SELTZER. 150 00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:55,540 WELL, LISTEN TO THIS. THIS IS A DIAL TONE. 151 00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,546 HI, HONEY. 152 00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:03,147 I READ THE BOOK. 153 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:06,317 - WHAT'S THE VERDICT? - OH, IT'S WONDERFUL. 154 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,585 AND THAT CHAPTER ON MAKING PILLOWS 155 00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:10,755 INTO INTERESTING SHAPES IS SO CREATIVE. 156 00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:13,791 WELL, I-- WORKED IN SOME GUY STUFF. 157 00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:19,998 - DICK. - WHAT? 158 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,967 OH. NOTHING. IT'S TOO SILLY. 159 00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:24,569 I SHOULDN'T EVEN GO INTO IT. 160 00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:26,370 NO, COME ON. YOUR NAME'S ON IT, TOO. 161 00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:29,841 WELL. 162 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,944 THIS LINE HERE. 163 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,646 "IF YOU AREN'T CAREFUL WITH YOUR BASTE, 164 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:37,214 "THE STUFF IN YOUR PILLOW COULD TURN OUT TO BE 165 00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:40,317 A REAL TURKEY." 166 00:08:42,488 --> 00:08:43,855 OH. 167 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,724 OH, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY. 168 00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:48,059 WELL, HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY IT? 169 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,662 "CAREFUL, BASTING AND STUFFING ARE IMPORTANT?" 170 00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:53,130 THAT'S MUCH CLEARER. 171 00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:55,499 IT MIGHT EVEN BE FUNNIER. 172 00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:59,437 NOW, THIS ONE HERE, ON PAGE 13. 173 00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:01,940 IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE, TOO? 174 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,483 HONEY, I WAS THINKING THAT HERE, ON PAGE 73, 175 00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:15,954 - WE COULD-- - YOU SKIPPED PAGE 72. 176 00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:20,825 I LIKE 72. 177 00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:24,428 I JUST HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM WITH THIS PEP TALK. 178 00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:26,397 - PEP TALK? - YEAH. 179 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,600 "IF YOU GET DISCOURAGED, DON'T TAKE A POWTER. 180 00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:31,069 - TAKE A BREAK." - THAT'S A PHRASE I'VE USED 181 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,437 IN ALL MY BOOKS. IT'S LIKE AN OLD FRIEND. 182 00:09:33,439 --> 00:09:36,373 OLD FRIENDS CAN BE TIRESOME IF THEY STAY TOO LONG. 183 00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:42,246 AND IT'S AWFULLY PRECIOUS. 184 00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:48,519 MY BOOKS ARE NOT PRECIOUS. 185 00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:51,355 I DON'T WRITE "PRECIOUS." 186 00:09:51,357 --> 00:09:53,591 THERE IS NOTHING PRECIOUS 187 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,660 ABOUT ME. 188 00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:57,361 MAYBE I SHOULD COME BACK LATER 189 00:09:57,363 --> 00:10:00,064 TO DISCUSS THE DEDICATION. 190 00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:02,834 YOU HAVE NOTES ON THE DEDICATION? 191 00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:05,770 WELL, I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BE DEDICATING THIS ONE TO ME. 192 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:08,606 BINGO. 193 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:09,874 I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SWEET 194 00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:12,610 IF WE DEDICATED IT TO MY AUNT LILLIAN. 195 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,513 THE ONE WHO TRIED TO KILL ME? 196 00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:17,381 DICK, SHE'S A LONELY OLD WOMAN. 197 00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:19,150 YOU WERE STEALING HER FAVORITE NEICE, 198 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:22,920 AND THE LAWNMOWER JUST GOT AWAY FROM HER. 199 00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:24,822 WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY? "TO LILLIAN. 200 00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:28,026 THANKS FOR VEERING?" 201 00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,728 WELL, YOU MAY NOT GET ALONG WITH HER, BUT I LOVE HER. 202 00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:33,497 SHE DIDN'T DIDN'T MOW YOU. 203 00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:35,099 AND SHE'S NOT GOING IN THE BOOK. 204 00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:38,502 THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING YOU'VE SAID TONIGHT. 205 00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:40,738 ARE YOU SAYING MY SUGGESTIONS ARE DUMB? 206 00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:43,775 BINGO. 207 00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:46,477 WELL, THEN... TAKE MY NAME OFF THE BOOK! 208 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,345 - NO. - NO? 209 00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:50,815 I PUT YOUR NAME ON THE BOOK TO BE NICE, 210 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:54,118 AND IT'S GONNA STAY THERE WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. 211 00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:57,955 WELL, YOU CAN TAKE YOUR PILLOW BOOK AND... 212 00:10:57,957 --> 00:11:00,725 STUFF IT. 213 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,328 IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE? 214 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:31,488 EXCUSE US. COULD WE HAVE A WORD WITH YOU? 215 00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:32,990 WHAT'S... 216 00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:35,326 YOU TOLD US TO ACT LIKE WE WAS AT HOME. 217 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,495 AND AT HOME WE WEAR THESE TO BREAKFAST. 218 00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:42,200 BUT UPON TAKING A VISUAL POLL AROUND THE ROOM, 219 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,667 IT APPEARS THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE WEARING 220 00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:47,338 SOMETHING OVER THEIR DAINTIES. 221 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:48,940 YEAH, IT'S-- IT'S A CUSTOM. 222 00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,942 WE STUMBLED ON IT ONE DAY 223 00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:53,244 AND JUST STUCK WITH IT. 224 00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,146 WELL, IT WOULDA HELPED US 225 00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:59,083 IF YOU'D OF LAID OUT THE RULES MORE PLAINLY. 226 00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:00,885 OR IS THIS SOME FORM OF HAZING 227 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,320 YOU DO TO THE NEW PEOPLE? 228 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:09,193 NO, AND IT MIGHT BE BETTER FOR YOU... 229 00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:13,030 AND FOR EVERYONE EATING 230 00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:16,067 IF YOU PUT SOME CLOTHES ON. 231 00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:26,878 MM-BOY. 232 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,780 CORN FLAKES AGAIN. 233 00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:32,750 LIKE SOME TIRESOME OLD FRIEND. 234 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,153 WELL, WOULD YOU RATHER EAT THESE OLD FRIENDS 235 00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:38,756 OR WEAR THEM? 236 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,092 MORNING ALL. 237 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,060 WHAT A DAY. 238 00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:45,529 OH BOY. CORN FLAKES. 239 00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:49,533 NEVER GET ENOUGH OF THOSE. 240 00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:51,602 UH, IF YOU DON'T MIND, DEAR, 241 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:55,406 COULD YOU POSSIBLY PASS ME THE SUGAR? 242 00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:57,141 CERTAINLY, DEAR. 243 00:12:57,143 --> 00:12:59,177 BUT A SIMPLE "PLEASE PASS THE SUGAR" 244 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,744 WOULD'VE BEEN LESS WORDY. 245 00:13:00,746 --> 00:13:03,580 AND YOU WOULD'VE HAD YOUR SUGAR SOONER. 246 00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:08,252 UH, I COULD EAT IN THE KITCHEN-- 247 00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:10,188 GEORGE, YOU'RE-- 248 00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:12,256 YOU'RE A REASONABLE MAN. 249 00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:14,325 UH-OH. 250 00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,994 NO, GEORGE. 251 00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:19,596 WE JUST WANT YOUR OPINION ON SOMETHING. 252 00:13:19,598 --> 00:13:21,833 WHICH OF THESE TWO SENTENCES 253 00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:24,001 DO YOU THINK IS BETTER? 254 00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:28,005 "IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL WITH YOUR BASTING AND STUFFING, 255 00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:29,874 "YOUR PILLOW COULD TURN OUT 256 00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:33,811 TO BE A REAL TURKEY." 257 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,947 OR. 258 00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:38,515 "CAREFUL BASTING AND STUFFING ARE IMPORTANT." 259 00:13:38,517 --> 00:13:40,218 [GEORGE LAUGHS] 260 00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,356 I LIKE THEM BOTH EXACTLY THE SAME, 261 00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,959 AND I WILL EAT IN THE KITCHEN. 262 00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:52,964 JOANNA, HERE'S A LIST OF PHOTOGRAPHERS 263 00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:54,332 FOR YOUR BOOK COVER. 264 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,267 THE FIRST TEN ARE MY REGULARS. 265 00:13:56,269 --> 00:14:00,137 THE OTHER NINE ARE JUST JOCKEYING FOR MY BUSINESS. 266 00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:03,107 OH, DICK. I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN THE BURNOUT CRISIS. 267 00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:04,742 ON THE FLIP-SIDE, 268 00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:06,878 HERE'S A LIST OF CO-HOSTS WE CAN AFFORD. 269 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:10,614 THEY'RE ALL WILLING TO GO HALFSIES ON YOUR SALARY. 270 00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:13,550 I DO NOT HAVE A BURNOUT CRISIS. 271 00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:15,686 IF YOU DON'T MIND. 272 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,489 THAT'S MY LIST OF PHOTOGRAPHERS FOR THE COVER. 273 00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:21,525 I DIDN'T THINK YOU WANTED TO BE ON THE BOOK. 274 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:24,862 I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS MAKING ME BE ON THE BOOK. 275 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,730 WHOA, LOOKS LIKE WE'VE JUST STUMBLED INTO 276 00:14:26,732 --> 00:14:29,833 AN EPISODE OF THE BICKERSONS. 277 00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:31,502 YEAH, DICK AND JOANNA. 278 00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:34,939 SOME PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM ARE STILL IN LOVE. 279 00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:36,974 LET'S TRY AND SET AN EXAMPLE FOR THE NEXT GENERATION 280 00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:39,911 OF GUYS AND DOLLS. 281 00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,445 WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED. 282 00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:43,214 YOU JUST DROVE THEM OUT OF THE ROOM. 283 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,581 I'M SURPRISED YOU DIDN'T WANNA 284 00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:48,019 SHARE CREDIT FOR THAT. 285 00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,921 SOMETIMES I WONDER IF MY AUNT LILLIAN 286 00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:52,623 DIDN'T HAVE THE RIGHT IDEA. 287 00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:58,095 DICK! GREAT TO SEE YOU. WHY AREN'T YOU WRITING? 288 00:14:58,097 --> 00:15:00,197 ELLIOT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 289 00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:01,465 THE PUBLISHER WANTS PILLOW TALK NOW, 290 00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,500 SO I CAME UP TO GET IT. 291 00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:05,369 WELL, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS. 292 00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:07,004 DICK, YOU'RE MY CLIENT. 293 00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:09,073 I'M INVOLVED. I CARE. 294 00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:12,009 AND THIS WAY, I CAN WRITE OFF MY SKI WEEKEND. 295 00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:14,211 SO HAND OVER THAT LITTLE MONSTER. 296 00:15:14,213 --> 00:15:15,579 I-- I CAN'T. 297 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:19,583 MY COLLABORATOR AND I ARE HAVING SOME... 298 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:21,352 ARTISTIC DIFFERENCES. 299 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:24,422 OH GOD, WELL NOW, WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO? 300 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:28,292 ELLIOT, JOANNA AND I WILL WORK IT OUT. 301 00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:30,461 SHE JUST WANTS TO MAKE A FEW CHANGES, 302 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:31,929 AND... 303 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,131 I'D RATHER DIE FIRST. 304 00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:36,834 DICK, YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY TOO EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED. 305 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:38,802 WHAT YOU NEED IS A DISINTERESTED THIRD PARTY 306 00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:41,238 TO READ THAT BOOK AND THEN MAKE A FINAL DECISION. 307 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:42,306 ARE YOU VOLUNTEERING? 308 00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:44,575 YO. 309 00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:47,544 WELL, IT SURE WOULD GET THIS OVER WITH. 310 00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:49,347 I DON'T THINK JOANNA WOULD GO ALONG WITH IT. 311 00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:50,982 THE BEST I CAN DO IS TALK TO HER. 312 00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:52,583 ALL RIGHT, DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO. 313 00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,852 BUT IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS, JUST REMEMBER. 314 00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:57,288 I CARE. I'M INVOLVED. 315 00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,056 I'M LATE FOR THE SLOPES. 316 00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:04,996 ELLIOT IS HERE. HE WANTS THE BOOK. 317 00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:08,532 FINE. GIVE IT TO HIM. 318 00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:13,937 LOOK, I WANT TO BE FAIR. 319 00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:16,374 HE OFFERED TO READ THE BOOK AND DECIDE. 320 00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:18,142 THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FAIR? 321 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,411 YOUR AGENT? YOUR FRIEND? 322 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,513 HE DOESN'T CARE WHAT I THINK. 323 00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,882 ALL I EVER GET TO SAY TO HIM IS, 324 00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:28,052 "I'M FI--." 325 00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:30,488 YOU'RE FIE? 326 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,556 YES. HE SAYS, "HOW ARE YOU?" 327 00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:34,425 I SAY, "I'M FI--" 328 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,827 AND HE'S ON TO SOMEONE ELSE. 329 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,229 THIS ISN'T AS BAD AS IT LOOKS. 330 00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:40,131 I'VE KNOWN ELLIOT FOR 15 YEARS. 331 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:44,135 HE'D SELL ME DOWN THE RIVER LIKE THAT. 332 00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:46,103 AND THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME TRUST HIM? 333 00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:49,907 YEAH, 'CAUSE HE'D SELL YOU DOWN THE RIVER LIKE THAT, TOO. 334 00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,108 AND THAT'S GOOD? 335 00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:54,078 NO, BUT IT'S FAIR. 336 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:57,214 YOU HAVE A WAY WITH GIBBERISH, YOU KNOW THAT? 337 00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:59,083 OKAY, LET'S SHOW HIM THE MANUSCRIPT. 338 00:16:59,085 --> 00:17:01,519 I'LL GO UPSTAIRS AND GET MY COPY. 339 00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:04,188 MS. JOANNA. 340 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,723 LARRY. DARYL. DARYL. 341 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,929 YOU-- YOU GUYS GOING BACK IN? 342 00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:15,332 NO, SIR. WE AIN'T SHOWING OUR FACES IN THAT ROOM AGAIN. 343 00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:18,035 THEM FOLKS HAVE SEEN US DOWN TO OUR ESSENCE. 344 00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:22,339 I'M AFRAID THE EMBARRASSMENT HAS SET DARYL BACK 345 00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:24,875 A COUPLE OF YEARS. 346 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:28,479 WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T REALLY TAKE IT SO HARD. 347 00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:34,051 OR YOU SHOULDN'T. 348 00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:43,561 OH, GUYS. 349 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,196 ARE YOU GONNA BE OUT OF YOUR ROOM FOR A WHILE? 350 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:46,464 I NEED TO GET IN THERE. 351 00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,599 OKAY, MS. STEPHANIE, BUT BE CAREFUL. 352 00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:51,034 YESTERDAY AFTERNOON, SOMEONE BUSTED INTO OUR ROOM 353 00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:53,237 WHILE WE WAS OUT. 354 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:57,208 THEY LEFT TINY BARS OF SOAP EVERYWHERE. 355 00:17:57,210 --> 00:18:00,677 AND WRAPPED ALL OUR DRINKING GLASSES IN PAPER. 356 00:18:00,679 --> 00:18:03,647 IT APPEARS TO BE ONE OF THEM SENSELESS CRIMES. 357 00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:09,253 LARRY. YOU SILLY. 358 00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,921 THAT WAS ME. 359 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:14,525 AS MUCH AS I HATE IT, THAT'S MY JOB. 360 00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:18,195 OH, MS. STEPHANIE, FORGIVE US TO BITS. 361 00:18:18,197 --> 00:18:22,199 YOU CAN BUST IN AND PAPER OUR GLASSES ANYTIME. 362 00:18:22,201 --> 00:18:24,602 THANK YOU. 363 00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:40,917 UH, GUYS? 364 00:18:40,919 --> 00:18:42,353 WE-- WE PREFER 365 00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:45,756 YOU DIDN'T WHITTLE IN HERE. 366 00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:48,859 DID YOU EVER CONSIDER POSTING ALL THESE RULES? 367 00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:55,499 WELL, THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER THINGS TO DO AROUND HERE. 368 00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:58,369 WHY DON'T YOU PLAY A GAME? 369 00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:00,304 GEORGE, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW THE GUYS 370 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,506 HOW TO PLAY MONOPOLY? 371 00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:04,808 SURE THING. 372 00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:12,783 WELL. I'M OFF TO THE SLOPES. 373 00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:15,386 NICE PAINT JOB. 374 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,158 OKAY. HERE IT IS. 375 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:25,095 JOANNA, HOW ARE YOU? 376 00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:26,597 - I'M FI-- - WELL, DICK! 377 00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:28,599 GOTTA SKI-DADDLE. 378 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:33,337 UH, ELLIOT. JOANNA AND I HAVE DECIDED 379 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,272 TO TAKE YOU UP ON YOUR OFFER. 380 00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:37,974 HERE'S DICK'S MANUSCRIPT WITH MY CHANGES. 381 00:19:37,976 --> 00:19:39,776 GREAT. I'LL READ IT WHEN I GET BACK. 382 00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:41,345 OH, AND, UH... 383 00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:42,946 IF THIS SUIT DOES ITS JOB, 384 00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:44,548 I MAY HAVE A FEMALE FRIEND 385 00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:47,251 TO HELP ME TURN THE PAGES. 386 00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:54,157 ELLIOT, READ IT NOW. 387 00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:57,728 YOU MAY BE TOO DEPRESSED AT THE END OF THE DAY. 388 00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,930 OKAY. LET ME SEE THAT THING. 389 00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:04,468 WELL, IF THE FIRST PAGE IS ANY INDICATION, 390 00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:06,937 YOUR VERSION HAS MORE FLOW, DICK. 391 00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:10,073 ELLIOT, READ THE WHOLE BOOK AND BE IMPARTIAL. 392 00:20:10,075 --> 00:20:13,577 IMPARTIAL. GOTCHA. 393 00:20:13,579 --> 00:20:16,813 WHEN I SAY "IMPARTIAL," I MEAN IMPARTIAL. 394 00:20:16,815 --> 00:20:18,682 RIGHT, DICK. 395 00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:22,219 ELLIOT, WHERE ARE YOUR DAMN EARS? 396 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,187 LISTEN TO ME. WE WANT A FAIR, 397 00:20:24,189 --> 00:20:26,189 UNBIASED READING OF THE BOOK. 398 00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:28,158 WELL, IF YOU MEAN IT, DICK, 399 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,660 I'M GONNA NEED SOME ALKA-SELTZER. 400 00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,128 THERE'S SOME IN THERE. 401 00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:32,963 WHAT ABOUT WATER? 402 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,732 ROUGH IT. 403 00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:43,274 FREE PARKING. 404 00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:46,109 BORING. 405 00:20:46,111 --> 00:20:47,711 I'M GONNA GO GET US SOME SODAS. 406 00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:49,880 IT'S YOUR MOVE, FELLAS. 407 00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:57,087 CHANCE. 408 00:20:57,089 --> 00:21:00,291 "TAKE A RIDE ON THE REDDING RAILROAD." 409 00:21:20,579 --> 00:21:22,846 - DICK? - HMM? 410 00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:24,581 NO MATTER HOW THIS THING TURNS OUT, 411 00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:26,417 I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WHAT YOU DID WITH ELLIOT 412 00:21:26,419 --> 00:21:27,618 WAS PRECIOUS. 413 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,386 DON'T START UP WITH ME. 414 00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:31,855 NO, NO. GOOD PRECIOUS. 415 00:21:31,857 --> 00:21:33,691 YOU MADE HIM BE IMPARTIAL. 416 00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:36,560 WELL, YOU RAISED SOME POINTS THAT... 417 00:21:36,562 --> 00:21:39,330 DESERVED TO BE CONSIDERED FAIRLY. 418 00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:42,132 SOME. 419 00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:44,100 OH, MAYBE I DID GET A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY. 420 00:21:44,102 --> 00:21:47,103 BUT... WHEN YOU PUT MY NAME ON THE BOOK, 421 00:21:47,105 --> 00:21:50,040 IT MADE ME WANT TO LEAVE MY MARK ON IT. 422 00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:53,410 YOU LEFT YOUR MARK ON EVERY PAGE BUT 72. 423 00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:56,913 - DON'T START UP WITH ME. - OKAY, OKAY. 424 00:21:56,915 --> 00:21:59,249 I'VE BEEN THINKING. 425 00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:01,051 MAYBE WHAT WE SHOULD DO IS DEDICATE THE BOOK 426 00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:03,554 TO SOMEONE WE CAN BOTH AGREE ON. 427 00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:05,956 WHAT ABOUT MY COUSIN EDITH? 428 00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:08,058 OH, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU DON'T LIKE HER EITHER. 429 00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:10,728 NO, EDITH'S ALL RIGHT. 430 00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:14,231 SHE SMELLS FUNNY, BUT... 431 00:22:14,233 --> 00:22:17,401 AT LEAST SHE'S NOT AN ASSASSIN. 432 00:22:17,403 --> 00:22:18,836 WELL, I DON'T HAVE TO READ ANY FURTHER. 433 00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,838 I HAVE REAL PROBLEMS HERE ON PAGE 8. 434 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,339 - ELLIOT-- - COME ON, COME ON. 435 00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:24,074 LET'S SAVE THIS BABY. 436 00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:25,476 NOW, THE PUBLISHER SAID HE WANTED 437 00:22:25,478 --> 00:22:26,910 A SIMPLE BOOK ON PILLOWS. 438 00:22:26,912 --> 00:22:28,278 WHY ARE YOU COMPLICATING IT 439 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:31,281 WITH ALL THIS CREATIVE CRUD? 440 00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:33,116 PILLOW HANDSAWS? 441 00:22:33,118 --> 00:22:34,785 PILLOW POWER-DRILLS? 442 00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:37,220 GET REAL. 443 00:22:37,222 --> 00:22:38,822 ELLIOT, THAT'S THE ONE THING 444 00:22:38,824 --> 00:22:40,957 THAT JOANNA AND I ALWAYS AGREED ON. 445 00:22:40,959 --> 00:22:42,826 - YEAH. - WELL, SURE, YOU LOVE IT RIGHT NOW. 446 00:22:42,828 --> 00:22:44,828 BUT SEE HOW EASY IT LIFTS UP? 447 00:22:44,830 --> 00:22:48,565 SO MUCH FOR CREATIVITY. 448 00:22:58,444 --> 00:23:00,544 �� [THEME MUSIC] 31232

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