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1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,936
�� [THEME MUSIC]
2
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,035
I QUIT.
I CAN'T WRITE THIS BOOK
3
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:13,938
ON MAKING PILLOWS.
4
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:15,940
I'M OUT OF PATIENCE,
I'M OUT OF TIME,
5
00:01:15,942 --> 00:01:17,242
AND IF I INHALE
ONE MORE FEATHER,
6
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:20,845
I'M GONNA OFFICIALLY QUALIFY
AS A MATTRESS.
7
00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:22,947
CALM DOWN AND TELL ME
WHAT HAPPENED.
8
00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:25,250
IT EXPLODED, AGAIN.
9
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:28,019
- I'M GOING DOWN TO O'SHEA'S.
- DICK.
10
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,754
NO TELLING WHAT TIME
I'LL BE BACK.
11
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,423
DICK, IT'S NOT EVEN NOON.
12
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:32,924
JOANNA, DON'T TRY
TO STOP ME.
13
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:36,561
I NEED A MILKSHAKE.
14
00:01:36,563 --> 00:01:39,831
DICK, COME ON. YOU'VE NEVER
GIVEN UP ON A BOOK BEFORE.
15
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,667
THAT'S BECAUSE MY OTHER BOOKS
WERE ABOUT THINGS I KNEW ABOUT.
16
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:45,003
GUY STUFF.
LUMBER, STEEL, BRICKS.
17
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:47,939
NOT THINGS THAT CAN
FLY UP YOUR NOSE.
18
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,641
HONEY, I SEW PILLOWS
ALL THE TIME.
19
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,443
LET'S GO SIT DOWN,
AND I'LL SHOW YOU HOW.
20
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,911
OKAY, BUT IF THIS DOESN'T WORK,
I'M GONNA GO DOWN TO O'SHEA'S
21
00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:56,681
AND DRINK MYSELF
UNDER THE PLASTIC CLOWN.
22
00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:02,387
HI, I'M LARRY.
23
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:06,991
THIS IS MY BROTHER DARYL,
24
00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:10,128
- AND THIS IS MY OTHER--
- WE KNOW, LARRY.
25
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,729
WHAT-- WHAT CAN
WE DO FOR YOU?
26
00:02:11,731 --> 00:02:14,932
TERMITES HAVE INFESTED
OUR DOMICILE.
27
00:02:14,934 --> 00:02:16,934
THAT'S AWFUL.
28
00:02:16,936 --> 00:02:18,537
HAVE YOU CALLED
AN EXTERMINATOR?
29
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,905
YEAH, HE'S FUMIGATING
MONDAY.
30
00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:24,042
THE SAD THING IS, IN ORDER
TO GET RID OF THE TERMITES,
31
00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:26,344
HE HAS TO KILL
THE SILVERFISH.
32
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,449
THERE'S-- THERE'S SO MUCH
SENSELESS SLAUGHTER.
33
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:36,120
ANYWAY, AS MUCH AS
WE'D LIKE TO,
34
00:02:36,122 --> 00:02:38,290
THEY WON'T LET US STAY
DURING THE GASSING.
35
00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:43,595
SO WE'VE COME OVER TO PREVAIL
ON YOU FOR A RESERVATION.
36
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,897
YOU-- YOU WANT TO STAY HERE?
37
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,499
BASEMENT'LL BE FINE.
38
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,067
LARRY, THE BASEMENT
39
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:51,603
IS DARK AND DAMP
AND FULL OF MILDEW.
40
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:54,239
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SELL US.
41
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:58,976
FELLAS, THE BASEMENT
IS NOT AVAILABLE.
42
00:02:58,978 --> 00:03:00,312
WHY DON'T YOU TRY A ROOM?
43
00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:03,114
OKAY. SEE YOU NEXT MONDAY.
44
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:07,552
TOLD YOU WE SHOULD'VE
MADE RESERVATIONS EARLIER.
45
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:13,758
HERE. I FINISHED
A FEW PILLOWS.
46
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,293
AW, THANKS-- THANKS, HONEY,
47
00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:18,363
FOR BEING SUCH A BIG HELP
ALL THIS WEEK.
48
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:22,334
WOW, YOU'RE UP TO PAGE 68.
THAT'S GREAT.
49
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:23,602
HERE IT COMES.
50
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,303
DO YOU WANNA
DO IT THIS TIME?
51
00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:27,505
OH, COULD I?
52
00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:30,141
� DOOP DOOP DOO-DOO �
53
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:32,677
HAH, THAT IS FUN.
54
00:03:32,679 --> 00:03:34,112
WELL, YOU EARNED IT.
I NEVER COULD'VE
55
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:36,180
FINISHED THIS BOOK
WITHOUT YOUR HELP.
56
00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:37,282
OH.
57
00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:38,816
YOU KNOW, MAYBE I SHOULD--
58
00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:40,985
I SHOULD PUT YOUR NAME
ON THE BOOK, TOO.
59
00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:43,154
OKAY.
60
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:47,559
OKAY WHAT?
61
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,026
OKAY, I ACCEPT.
62
00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:51,329
I'D LOVE TO HAVE MY NAME
ON THE BOOK.
63
00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,431
THANK YOU, HONEY.
64
00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:55,333
THAT IS SO...
65
00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:57,068
YOU.
66
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,403
IT IS?
67
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,171
YES.
68
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:01,673
UNLESS YOU DIDN'T MEAN IT.
69
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:04,108
NO, OF COURSE--
OF COURSE I MEANT IT.
70
00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:10,548
IF I DIDN'T MEAN IT,
71
00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:13,017
I SHOULDN'T'VE SAID IT.
72
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,123
GEORGE, GUESS WHAT?
73
00:04:19,125 --> 00:04:21,993
UH...
74
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:24,262
DICK'S GONNA SHARE
WRITING CREDIT WITH ME
75
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,198
- ON HIS BOOK!
- OH, THAT'S TERRIFIC!
76
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,201
THAT'S SO HIM.
77
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,570
- JOANNA--
- DICK, JOANNA JUST TOLD ME
78
00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:34,439
THE GOOD NEWS.
AND DON'T WORRY.
79
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,775
THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN'T
WRITE THIS BOOK BY YOURSELF
80
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,778
DOESN'T MAKE YOU
ANY SMALLER IN MY EYES.
81
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:43,448
IF ANYTHING,
I THINK THE SAME OF YOU.
82
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:47,118
THANKS, GEORGE.
83
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,655
HI, ALL.
TAI AND RANDY ARE BACK.
84
00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:52,390
DID YOU HAVE
A GOOD TIME SKATING?
85
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:53,725
ARE YOU KIDDING?
86
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:57,595
HOW COULD WE NOT HAVE
A GOOD TIME LOOKING THIS CUTE?
87
00:04:57,597 --> 00:04:59,364
AND GOING LIKE THIS?
88
00:05:03,403 --> 00:05:05,437
GUESS WHAT?
DICK'S MAKING ME
89
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:06,938
CO-AUTHOR ON HIS BOOK!
90
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,541
OH.
IS THAT EXCITING?
91
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:12,444
- YES.
- [STEPHANIE SQUEALS]
92
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,847
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT IS EXCITING.
93
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,915
THAT MEANS YOUR PICTURE
WILL BE IN THE BACK COVER.
94
00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:20,418
I GUESS SO. WILL IT?
95
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:27,625
WELL, IF I DIDN'T WANT
YOUR FACE ON THE BACK COVER,
96
00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:30,829
THEN I WOULDN'T PUT
YOUR NAME ON THE FRONT.
97
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,366
WHY, CONGRATS, JOANNA.
WHAT A PLUM FOR YOU.
98
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:35,567
DICK, WHAT A TOUCHING
GESTURE.
99
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:38,035
- [PHONE RINGS]
- OH, I'LL GET THAT.
100
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,307
YOU'RE BURNED OUT, RIGHT?
101
00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:44,876
- NO.
- WELL, GOOD, BECAUSE
102
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,310
I WOULDN'T WANT
THIS TEAMING UP BUSINESS
103
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:47,579
TO SPILL OVER INTO THE SHOW.
104
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:49,280
THERE'S NO BUDGET
FOR A CO-HOST.
105
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,416
THERE'S NO NEED
FOR A CO-HOST.
106
00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:53,785
OR BUDGET.
107
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,387
MICHAEL, DO YOU WANNA
GO MAKE SOME COCOA?
108
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,221
YES, HE DOES.
109
00:05:57,223 --> 00:05:59,824
YES, I DO.
110
00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:04,429
DICK, I KNOW HOW IT FEELS
TO BE BURNT OUT.
111
00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:06,264
THERE WAS A TIME IN MY LIFE
WHEN I THOUGHT
112
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,700
I'D NEVER OPEN
ANOTHER DRAIN.
113
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:11,035
BUT, TO MAKE
A LONG STORY SHORT,
114
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:13,070
I DID.
115
00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:14,873
THAT WAS THE PEOPLE
IN ROOM FIVE.
116
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,775
THEY NEED MORE TOWELS,
AND THEY SAID
117
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,142
IT WAS VERY SWEET OF YOU
118
00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:20,412
TO SHARE CREDIT WITH ME
ON THE BOOK.
119
00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:24,783
HI, I'M LARRY.
120
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:26,951
PARTY OF THREE.
121
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,753
YES. WE KNOW, LARRY.
122
00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:30,688
WE HAVE A ROOM
READY FOR YOU.
123
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:32,757
UH, GUYS, WE DON'T--
124
00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:34,158
WE DON'T ALLOW PETS.
125
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,395
HE AIN'T A PET.
HE'S OUR TRAVEL ALARM.
126
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,904
I'M SORRY. WE HAVE RULES.
127
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,204
TOO BAD.
128
00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:49,774
DARYL, TAKE LONG JEANS HERE
OUT TO THE PORCH.
129
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:54,979
HERE'S YOUR KEY.
ENJOY YOUR STAY.
130
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,981
OKAY.
131
00:06:56,983 --> 00:07:00,184
CONFIDENTIALLY, WE NEVER
STAYED AT AN INN BEFORE.
132
00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:03,588
EXACTLY HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO COMPORT OURSELVES?
133
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:06,925
JUST THE WAY
YOU WOULD AT HOME.
134
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,994
OUR HOME.
135
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:13,064
I GUESS WE COULD
GIVE IT A SHAKE.
136
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:16,100
I SUPPOSE THE POLITE THING
IS TO SAY HI TO THE NEIGHBORS.
137
00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:19,904
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
138
00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:23,341
HI, I'M LARRY.
THIS IS MY BROTHER, DARYL--
139
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,276
LARRY!
140
00:07:29,315 --> 00:07:30,648
ELLIOT, YOU'RE MY AGENT.
141
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:33,417
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
SUPPORTIVE.
142
00:07:33,419 --> 00:07:35,019
WELL, CALLING ME
A HAS-BEEN BURNOUT
143
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:37,355
IS NOT SUPPORTIVE.
144
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:38,857
THERE IS NO BEST SENSE
145
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:41,726
OF THAT PHRASE.
146
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,561
JOANNA IS NOT
SLOWING ME DOWN.
147
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:47,064
THE BOOK'LL BE
A FEW DAYS LATE.
148
00:07:47,066 --> 00:07:49,667
ELLIOT, WHAT'S THAT STATIC?
149
00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:52,570
ALKA-SELTZER.
150
00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:55,540
WELL, LISTEN TO THIS.
THIS IS A DIAL TONE.
151
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,546
HI, HONEY.
152
00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:03,147
I READ THE BOOK.
153
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:06,317
- WHAT'S THE VERDICT?
- OH, IT'S WONDERFUL.
154
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,585
AND THAT CHAPTER
ON MAKING PILLOWS
155
00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:10,755
INTO INTERESTING SHAPES
IS SO CREATIVE.
156
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:13,791
WELL, I-- WORKED IN
SOME GUY STUFF.
157
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:19,998
- DICK.
- WHAT?
158
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,967
OH. NOTHING. IT'S TOO SILLY.
159
00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:24,569
I SHOULDN'T EVEN GO INTO IT.
160
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:26,370
NO, COME ON.
YOUR NAME'S ON IT, TOO.
161
00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:29,841
WELL.
162
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,944
THIS LINE HERE.
163
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,646
"IF YOU AREN'T CAREFUL
WITH YOUR BASTE,
164
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:37,214
"THE STUFF IN YOUR PILLOW
COULD TURN OUT TO BE
165
00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:40,317
A REAL TURKEY."
166
00:08:42,488 --> 00:08:43,855
OH.
167
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,724
OH, IT'S SUPPOSED
TO BE FUNNY.
168
00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:48,059
WELL, HOW DO YOU WANT ME
TO SAY IT?
169
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,662
"CAREFUL, BASTING AND STUFFING
ARE IMPORTANT?"
170
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:53,130
THAT'S MUCH CLEARER.
171
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:55,499
IT MIGHT EVEN BE FUNNIER.
172
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:59,437
NOW, THIS ONE HERE,
ON PAGE 13.
173
00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:01,940
IS THAT SUPPOSED
TO BE A JOKE, TOO?
174
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,483
HONEY, I WAS THINKING
THAT HERE, ON PAGE 73,
175
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:15,954
- WE COULD--
- YOU SKIPPED PAGE 72.
176
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:20,825
I LIKE 72.
177
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:24,428
I JUST HAVE A LITTLE PROBLEM
WITH THIS PEP TALK.
178
00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:26,397
- PEP TALK?
- YEAH.
179
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,600
"IF YOU GET DISCOURAGED,
DON'T TAKE A POWTER.
180
00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:31,069
- TAKE A BREAK."
- THAT'S A PHRASE I'VE USED
181
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,437
IN ALL MY BOOKS.
IT'S LIKE AN OLD FRIEND.
182
00:09:33,439 --> 00:09:36,373
OLD FRIENDS CAN BE TIRESOME
IF THEY STAY TOO LONG.
183
00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:42,246
AND IT'S AWFULLY PRECIOUS.
184
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:48,519
MY BOOKS ARE NOT PRECIOUS.
185
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:51,355
I DON'T WRITE "PRECIOUS."
186
00:09:51,357 --> 00:09:53,591
THERE IS NOTHING PRECIOUS
187
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,660
ABOUT ME.
188
00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:57,361
MAYBE I SHOULD
COME BACK LATER
189
00:09:57,363 --> 00:10:00,064
TO DISCUSS THE DEDICATION.
190
00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:02,834
YOU HAVE NOTES
ON THE DEDICATION?
191
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:05,770
WELL, I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BE
DEDICATING THIS ONE TO ME.
192
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:08,606
BINGO.
193
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:09,874
I JUST THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE SWEET
194
00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:12,610
IF WE DEDICATED IT
TO MY AUNT LILLIAN.
195
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,513
THE ONE WHO TRIED
TO KILL ME?
196
00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:17,381
DICK, SHE'S A LONELY
OLD WOMAN.
197
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:19,150
YOU WERE STEALING
HER FAVORITE NEICE,
198
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:22,920
AND THE LAWNMOWER
JUST GOT AWAY FROM HER.
199
00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:24,822
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?
"TO LILLIAN.
200
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:28,026
THANKS FOR VEERING?"
201
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,728
WELL, YOU MAY NOT GET ALONG
WITH HER, BUT I LOVE HER.
202
00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:33,497
SHE DIDN'T DIDN'T MOW YOU.
203
00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:35,099
AND SHE'S NOT GOING
IN THE BOOK.
204
00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:38,502
THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING
YOU'VE SAID TONIGHT.
205
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:40,738
ARE YOU SAYING
MY SUGGESTIONS ARE DUMB?
206
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:43,775
BINGO.
207
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:46,477
WELL, THEN...
TAKE MY NAME OFF THE BOOK!
208
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,345
- NO.
- NO?
209
00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:50,815
I PUT YOUR NAME ON THE BOOK
TO BE NICE,
210
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:54,118
AND IT'S GONNA STAY THERE
WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
211
00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:57,955
WELL, YOU CAN TAKE
YOUR PILLOW BOOK AND...
212
00:10:57,957 --> 00:11:00,725
STUFF IT.
213
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,328
IS THAT SUPPOSED
TO BE A JOKE?
214
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:31,488
EXCUSE US. COULD WE HAVE
A WORD WITH YOU?
215
00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:32,990
WHAT'S...
216
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:35,326
YOU TOLD US TO ACT
LIKE WE WAS AT HOME.
217
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,495
AND AT HOME WE WEAR THESE
TO BREAKFAST.
218
00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:42,200
BUT UPON TAKING A VISUAL POLL
AROUND THE ROOM,
219
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,667
IT APPEARS THAT
THESE PEOPLE ARE WEARING
220
00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:47,338
SOMETHING OVER
THEIR DAINTIES.
221
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:48,940
YEAH, IT'S-- IT'S A CUSTOM.
222
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,942
WE STUMBLED ON IT ONE DAY
223
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:53,244
AND JUST STUCK WITH IT.
224
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,146
WELL, IT WOULDA HELPED US
225
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:59,083
IF YOU'D OF LAID OUT
THE RULES MORE PLAINLY.
226
00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:00,885
OR IS THIS
SOME FORM OF HAZING
227
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,320
YOU DO TO THE NEW PEOPLE?
228
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:09,193
NO, AND IT MIGHT BE
BETTER FOR YOU...
229
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:13,030
AND FOR EVERYONE EATING
230
00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:16,067
IF YOU PUT SOME CLOTHES ON.
231
00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:26,878
MM-BOY.
232
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,780
CORN FLAKES AGAIN.
233
00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:32,750
LIKE SOME
TIRESOME OLD FRIEND.
234
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,153
WELL, WOULD YOU RATHER
EAT THESE OLD FRIENDS
235
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:38,756
OR WEAR THEM?
236
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,092
MORNING ALL.
237
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,060
WHAT A DAY.
238
00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:45,529
OH BOY. CORN FLAKES.
239
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:49,533
NEVER GET ENOUGH OF THOSE.
240
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:51,602
UH, IF YOU DON'T MIND, DEAR,
241
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:55,406
COULD YOU POSSIBLY
PASS ME THE SUGAR?
242
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:57,141
CERTAINLY, DEAR.
243
00:12:57,143 --> 00:12:59,177
BUT A SIMPLE
"PLEASE PASS THE SUGAR"
244
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,744
WOULD'VE BEEN LESS WORDY.
245
00:13:00,746 --> 00:13:03,580
AND YOU WOULD'VE HAD
YOUR SUGAR SOONER.
246
00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:08,252
UH, I COULD EAT
IN THE KITCHEN--
247
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:10,188
GEORGE, YOU'RE--
248
00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:12,256
YOU'RE A REASONABLE MAN.
249
00:13:12,258 --> 00:13:14,325
UH-OH.
250
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,994
NO, GEORGE.
251
00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:19,596
WE JUST WANT YOUR OPINION
ON SOMETHING.
252
00:13:19,598 --> 00:13:21,833
WHICH OF THESE TWO SENTENCES
253
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:24,001
DO YOU THINK IS BETTER?
254
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:28,005
"IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL WITH
YOUR BASTING AND STUFFING,
255
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:29,874
"YOUR PILLOW COULD TURN OUT
256
00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:33,811
TO BE A REAL TURKEY."
257
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,947
OR.
258
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:38,515
"CAREFUL BASTING AND STUFFING
ARE IMPORTANT."
259
00:13:38,517 --> 00:13:40,218
[GEORGE LAUGHS]
260
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,356
I LIKE THEM BOTH
EXACTLY THE SAME,
261
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,959
AND I WILL EAT
IN THE KITCHEN.
262
00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:52,964
JOANNA, HERE'S A LIST
OF PHOTOGRAPHERS
263
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:54,332
FOR YOUR BOOK COVER.
264
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,267
THE FIRST TEN
ARE MY REGULARS.
265
00:13:56,269 --> 00:14:00,137
THE OTHER NINE ARE JUST
JOCKEYING FOR MY BUSINESS.
266
00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:03,107
OH, DICK. I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN
THE BURNOUT CRISIS.
267
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:04,742
ON THE FLIP-SIDE,
268
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:06,878
HERE'S A LIST OF CO-HOSTS
WE CAN AFFORD.
269
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:10,614
THEY'RE ALL WILLING
TO GO HALFSIES ON YOUR SALARY.
270
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:13,550
I DO NOT HAVE
A BURNOUT CRISIS.
271
00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:15,686
IF YOU DON'T MIND.
272
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,489
THAT'S MY LIST OF PHOTOGRAPHERS
FOR THE COVER.
273
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:21,525
I DIDN'T THINK
YOU WANTED TO BE ON THE BOOK.
274
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:24,862
I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS
MAKING ME BE ON THE BOOK.
275
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,730
WHOA, LOOKS LIKE
WE'VE JUST STUMBLED INTO
276
00:14:26,732 --> 00:14:29,833
AN EPISODE
OF THE BICKERSONS.
277
00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:31,502
YEAH, DICK AND JOANNA.
278
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:34,939
SOME PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM
ARE STILL IN LOVE.
279
00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:36,974
LET'S TRY AND SET AN EXAMPLE
FOR THE NEXT GENERATION
280
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:39,911
OF GUYS AND DOLLS.
281
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,445
WELL, I HOPE
YOU'RE SATISFIED.
282
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:43,214
YOU JUST DROVE THEM
OUT OF THE ROOM.
283
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,581
I'M SURPRISED
YOU DIDN'T WANNA
284
00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:48,019
SHARE CREDIT FOR THAT.
285
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,921
SOMETIMES I WONDER
IF MY AUNT LILLIAN
286
00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:52,623
DIDN'T HAVE THE RIGHT IDEA.
287
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:58,095
DICK! GREAT TO SEE YOU.
WHY AREN'T YOU WRITING?
288
00:14:58,097 --> 00:15:00,197
ELLIOT,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
289
00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:01,465
THE PUBLISHER WANTS
PILLOW TALK NOW,
290
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,500
SO I CAME UP TO GET IT.
291
00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:05,369
WELL, YOU DIDN'T
HAVE TO DO THIS.
292
00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:07,004
DICK, YOU'RE MY CLIENT.
293
00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:09,073
I'M INVOLVED. I CARE.
294
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:12,009
AND THIS WAY, I CAN
WRITE OFF MY SKI WEEKEND.
295
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:14,211
SO HAND OVER THAT
LITTLE MONSTER.
296
00:15:14,213 --> 00:15:15,579
I-- I CAN'T.
297
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:19,583
MY COLLABORATOR AND I ARE
HAVING SOME...
298
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:21,352
ARTISTIC DIFFERENCES.
299
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:24,422
OH GOD, WELL NOW,
WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO?
300
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:28,292
ELLIOT, JOANNA AND I WILL
WORK IT OUT.
301
00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:30,461
SHE JUST WANTS TO MAKE
A FEW CHANGES,
302
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:31,929
AND...
303
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,131
I'D RATHER DIE FIRST.
304
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:36,834
DICK, YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY
TOO EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED.
305
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:38,802
WHAT YOU NEED IS
A DISINTERESTED THIRD PARTY
306
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:41,238
TO READ THAT BOOK AND THEN
MAKE A FINAL DECISION.
307
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:42,306
ARE YOU VOLUNTEERING?
308
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:44,575
YO.
309
00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:47,544
WELL, IT SURE WOULD
GET THIS OVER WITH.
310
00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:49,347
I DON'T THINK JOANNA
WOULD GO ALONG WITH IT.
311
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:50,982
THE BEST I CAN DO
IS TALK TO HER.
312
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:52,583
ALL RIGHT,
DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO.
313
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,852
BUT IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS,
JUST REMEMBER.
314
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:57,288
I CARE. I'M INVOLVED.
315
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,056
I'M LATE FOR THE SLOPES.
316
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:04,996
ELLIOT IS HERE.
HE WANTS THE BOOK.
317
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:08,532
FINE. GIVE IT TO HIM.
318
00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:13,937
LOOK, I WANT TO BE FAIR.
319
00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:16,374
HE OFFERED
TO READ THE BOOK AND DECIDE.
320
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:18,142
THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FAIR?
321
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,411
YOUR AGENT? YOUR FRIEND?
322
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,513
HE DOESN'T CARE
WHAT I THINK.
323
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,882
ALL I EVER GET
TO SAY TO HIM IS,
324
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:28,052
"I'M FI--."
325
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:30,488
YOU'RE FIE?
326
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,556
YES. HE SAYS, "HOW ARE YOU?"
327
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:34,425
I SAY, "I'M FI--"
328
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,827
AND HE'S ON
TO SOMEONE ELSE.
329
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,229
THIS ISN'T AS BAD
AS IT LOOKS.
330
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:40,131
I'VE KNOWN ELLIOT
FOR 15 YEARS.
331
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:44,135
HE'D SELL ME DOWN THE RIVER
LIKE THAT.
332
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:46,103
AND THAT'S SUPPOSED
TO MAKE ME TRUST HIM?
333
00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:49,907
YEAH, 'CAUSE HE'D SELL YOU
DOWN THE RIVER LIKE THAT, TOO.
334
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,108
AND THAT'S GOOD?
335
00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:54,078
NO, BUT IT'S FAIR.
336
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:57,214
YOU HAVE A WAY WITH GIBBERISH,
YOU KNOW THAT?
337
00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:59,083
OKAY, LET'S SHOW HIM
THE MANUSCRIPT.
338
00:16:59,085 --> 00:17:01,519
I'LL GO UPSTAIRS
AND GET MY COPY.
339
00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:04,188
MS. JOANNA.
340
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,723
LARRY. DARYL. DARYL.
341
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,929
YOU-- YOU GUYS
GOING BACK IN?
342
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:15,332
NO, SIR. WE AIN'T SHOWING
OUR FACES IN THAT ROOM AGAIN.
343
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:18,035
THEM FOLKS HAVE SEEN US
DOWN TO OUR ESSENCE.
344
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:22,339
I'M AFRAID THE EMBARRASSMENT
HAS SET DARYL BACK
345
00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:24,875
A COUPLE OF YEARS.
346
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:28,479
WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T REALLY
TAKE IT SO HARD.
347
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:34,051
OR YOU SHOULDN'T.
348
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:43,561
OH, GUYS.
349
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,196
ARE YOU GONNA BE
OUT OF YOUR ROOM FOR A WHILE?
350
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:46,464
I NEED TO GET IN THERE.
351
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,599
OKAY, MS. STEPHANIE,
BUT BE CAREFUL.
352
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:51,034
YESTERDAY AFTERNOON,
SOMEONE BUSTED INTO OUR ROOM
353
00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:53,237
WHILE WE WAS OUT.
354
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:57,208
THEY LEFT TINY BARS OF SOAP
EVERYWHERE.
355
00:17:57,210 --> 00:18:00,677
AND WRAPPED ALL OUR
DRINKING GLASSES IN PAPER.
356
00:18:00,679 --> 00:18:03,647
IT APPEARS TO BE ONE OF THEM
SENSELESS CRIMES.
357
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:09,253
LARRY. YOU SILLY.
358
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,921
THAT WAS ME.
359
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:14,525
AS MUCH AS I HATE IT,
THAT'S MY JOB.
360
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:18,195
OH, MS. STEPHANIE,
FORGIVE US TO BITS.
361
00:18:18,197 --> 00:18:22,199
YOU CAN BUST IN
AND PAPER OUR GLASSES ANYTIME.
362
00:18:22,201 --> 00:18:24,602
THANK YOU.
363
00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:40,917
UH, GUYS?
364
00:18:40,919 --> 00:18:42,353
WE-- WE PREFER
365
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:45,756
YOU DIDN'T WHITTLE IN HERE.
366
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:48,859
DID YOU EVER CONSIDER
POSTING ALL THESE RULES?
367
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:55,499
WELL, THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER
THINGS TO DO AROUND HERE.
368
00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:58,369
WHY DON'T YOU PLAY A GAME?
369
00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:00,304
GEORGE, WHY DON'T YOU
SHOW THE GUYS
370
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,506
HOW TO PLAY MONOPOLY?
371
00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:04,808
SURE THING.
372
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:12,783
WELL. I'M OFF TO THE SLOPES.
373
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:15,386
NICE PAINT JOB.
374
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,158
OKAY. HERE IT IS.
375
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:25,095
JOANNA, HOW ARE YOU?
376
00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:26,597
- I'M FI--
- WELL, DICK!
377
00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:28,599
GOTTA SKI-DADDLE.
378
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:33,337
UH, ELLIOT.
JOANNA AND I HAVE DECIDED
379
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,272
TO TAKE YOU UP
ON YOUR OFFER.
380
00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:37,974
HERE'S DICK'S MANUSCRIPT
WITH MY CHANGES.
381
00:19:37,976 --> 00:19:39,776
GREAT. I'LL READ IT
WHEN I GET BACK.
382
00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:41,345
OH, AND, UH...
383
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:42,946
IF THIS SUIT DOES ITS JOB,
384
00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:44,548
I MAY HAVE A FEMALE FRIEND
385
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:47,251
TO HELP ME TURN THE PAGES.
386
00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:54,157
ELLIOT, READ IT NOW.
387
00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:57,728
YOU MAY BE TOO DEPRESSED
AT THE END OF THE DAY.
388
00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,930
OKAY. LET ME SEE THAT THING.
389
00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:04,468
WELL, IF THE FIRST PAGE
IS ANY INDICATION,
390
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:06,937
YOUR VERSION HAS
MORE FLOW, DICK.
391
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:10,073
ELLIOT, READ THE WHOLE BOOK
AND BE IMPARTIAL.
392
00:20:10,075 --> 00:20:13,577
IMPARTIAL. GOTCHA.
393
00:20:13,579 --> 00:20:16,813
WHEN I SAY "IMPARTIAL,"
I MEAN IMPARTIAL.
394
00:20:16,815 --> 00:20:18,682
RIGHT, DICK.
395
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:22,219
ELLIOT, WHERE ARE
YOUR DAMN EARS?
396
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,187
LISTEN TO ME.
WE WANT A FAIR,
397
00:20:24,189 --> 00:20:26,189
UNBIASED READING
OF THE BOOK.
398
00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:28,158
WELL, IF YOU MEAN IT, DICK,
399
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,660
I'M GONNA NEED
SOME ALKA-SELTZER.
400
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,128
THERE'S SOME IN THERE.
401
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:32,963
WHAT ABOUT WATER?
402
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,732
ROUGH IT.
403
00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:43,274
FREE PARKING.
404
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:46,109
BORING.
405
00:20:46,111 --> 00:20:47,711
I'M GONNA GO
GET US SOME SODAS.
406
00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:49,880
IT'S YOUR MOVE, FELLAS.
407
00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:57,087
CHANCE.
408
00:20:57,089 --> 00:21:00,291
"TAKE A RIDE ON
THE REDDING RAILROAD."
409
00:21:20,579 --> 00:21:22,846
- DICK?
- HMM?
410
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:24,581
NO MATTER HOW
THIS THING TURNS OUT,
411
00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:26,417
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
WHAT YOU DID WITH ELLIOT
412
00:21:26,419 --> 00:21:27,618
WAS PRECIOUS.
413
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,386
DON'T START UP WITH ME.
414
00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:31,855
NO, NO. GOOD PRECIOUS.
415
00:21:31,857 --> 00:21:33,691
YOU MADE HIM BE IMPARTIAL.
416
00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:36,560
WELL, YOU RAISED
SOME POINTS THAT...
417
00:21:36,562 --> 00:21:39,330
DESERVED TO BE
CONSIDERED FAIRLY.
418
00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:42,132
SOME.
419
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:44,100
OH, MAYBE I DID
GET A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY.
420
00:21:44,102 --> 00:21:47,103
BUT... WHEN YOU PUT
MY NAME ON THE BOOK,
421
00:21:47,105 --> 00:21:50,040
IT MADE ME WANT
TO LEAVE MY MARK ON IT.
422
00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:53,410
YOU LEFT YOUR MARK
ON EVERY PAGE BUT 72.
423
00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:56,913
- DON'T START UP WITH ME.
- OKAY, OKAY.
424
00:21:56,915 --> 00:21:59,249
I'VE BEEN THINKING.
425
00:21:59,251 --> 00:22:01,051
MAYBE WHAT WE SHOULD DO
IS DEDICATE THE BOOK
426
00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:03,554
TO SOMEONE WE CAN
BOTH AGREE ON.
427
00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:05,956
WHAT ABOUT MY COUSIN EDITH?
428
00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:08,058
OH, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU DON'T LIKE
HER EITHER.
429
00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:10,728
NO, EDITH'S ALL RIGHT.
430
00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:14,231
SHE SMELLS FUNNY, BUT...
431
00:22:14,233 --> 00:22:17,401
AT LEAST
SHE'S NOT AN ASSASSIN.
432
00:22:17,403 --> 00:22:18,836
WELL, I DON'T HAVE
TO READ ANY FURTHER.
433
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,838
I HAVE REAL PROBLEMS
HERE ON PAGE 8.
434
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,339
- ELLIOT--
- COME ON, COME ON.
435
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:24,074
LET'S SAVE THIS BABY.
436
00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:25,476
NOW, THE PUBLISHER
SAID HE WANTED
437
00:22:25,478 --> 00:22:26,910
A SIMPLE BOOK ON PILLOWS.
438
00:22:26,912 --> 00:22:28,278
WHY ARE YOU COMPLICATING IT
439
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:31,281
WITH ALL THIS CREATIVE CRUD?
440
00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:33,116
PILLOW HANDSAWS?
441
00:22:33,118 --> 00:22:34,785
PILLOW POWER-DRILLS?
442
00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:37,220
GET REAL.
443
00:22:37,222 --> 00:22:38,822
ELLIOT, THAT'S THE ONE THING
444
00:22:38,824 --> 00:22:40,957
THAT JOANNA AND I
ALWAYS AGREED ON.
445
00:22:40,959 --> 00:22:42,826
- YEAH.
- WELL, SURE,
YOU LOVE IT RIGHT NOW.
446
00:22:42,828 --> 00:22:44,828
BUT SEE HOW EASY
IT LIFTS UP?
447
00:22:44,830 --> 00:22:48,565
SO MUCH FOR CREATIVITY.
448
00:22:58,444 --> 00:23:00,544
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