Original subtitles

[ music ]

- Oh, no. - What's the matter?

- This is the third time this month

someone has written us a bad check.

From now on, I think we should have a rule

that we're not gonna accept personal checks.

- Okay. - We'll take credit cards,

we'll take travelers checks.

But we're not gonna take personal checks anymore.

Will you back me up on this?

- I just said okay.

- Well, I know you say that, honey.

But as soon as someone comes downstairs

and asks if they can write us

a personal check, you'll say sure.

- No, I won't. Just wait and see.

The next person that walks down those stairs

and wants to write a personal check,

I'll say, "Dream on, buddy."

- Morning.

Coffee fresh?

- Yeah. - Oh, great.

- What are you doing?

- It's not for me. It's for my customers.

Listen, Cindy's gonna be performing tomorrow

at a charity rummage sale.

And she asked me to ask you guys

if you wanted to donate anything.

- Oh, we'd love to. I've been wanting

to clean out Dick's closet anyway.

- What about Stephanie?

- I'm sure she's got a lot of things

she could give. Stephanie!

- Whatee?

- Could you come out here for a second?

- I guess so!

- Cindy's donating some balloon animals she's made.

She's great at that stuff.

- What are you donating?

- French fries.

- What did you want?

- Kirk just told us that Cindy's gonna

be performing at a charity rummage sale tomorrow.

And she wanted to know if you could donate anything.

- Gee, I'd love to, but I'm kind of broke right now.

- You don't have to give money.

The idea of a rummage sale is to give things like clothes.

- Clothes?

- Well, what's the matter?

- Well, I don't really think I have

any clothes I wanna give away.

- Stephanie, I'm sure you could find something.

- Well, I'll look.

What kind of things do they want?

- Usually, they want practical things.

- That'll take some digging.

- Thanks, guys.

You know, I'm always telling Cindy how classy you are.

This makes it look like I'm telling the truth.

- Yee-haw! Whoopee! Yahoo!

- Is that George?

- It's either George or there's a cattle drive going by.

- Yahoo! Whoopee! Guess what?

- They found a cure for being a hayseed?

- The greatest thing that's ever happened to me just happened.

I'm gonna be a volunteer fireman.

- What's all this about, George?

- George, I didn't even know you wanted to be a fireman.

- Oh, I've always wanted to be a volunteer fireman.

I've had my name on the waiting list for years.

And today it came up.

I'm finally going to do something

that the people in this town aren't going to laugh at.

- George, what are you talking about?

Nobody laughs at you. - Oh, yeah?

Remember all that razzing I got last year

when I said I saw a UFO?

And then they put me in charge

of the Thanksgiving Day parade and it rained?

Oh, let's face it.

Nobody in this town thinks I can do anything right.

- Well, in their defense,

I think you've given them good reason.

- Well, not anymore.

I finally found something I can really be good at.

- But isn't being a fireman dangerous?

- Not in this town. We haven't had a fire since 1979.

- But that was a big one.

- Where was it?

- At the fire station.

- What? - A stack of papers

for the paper drive caught fire,

but they stopped the paper drive,

and they haven't had any trouble since.

Well, I'd better go get my work done,

so I'll have the whole day tomorrow to be at the firehouse.

It's my orientation.

Yahoo! Whoo-hoo!

- I can't believe how excited he is.

- Yeah. You know, it's just the kind of thing

he needs to boost his confidence,

and I think just the kind of thing he'll be good at.

- Well, needless to say,

all of us with wood-frame houses

will be rooting for him.

- Morning. We'd like to check out now.

- Oh, fine. - This place is beautiful.

We just can't wait to come back again.

- Thank you. We're glad you enjoyed it.

- How much do I owe you?

- Two days, that's $70. - Mm-hmm.

Will you take a check?

- Sure. - Sure.

[ honk honk ]

- Oh, hi, Joanna.

- Cindy? - Yeah.

- Oh, my gosh, I've never seen you in your outfit before.

It's adorable. - Oh, thanks.

It's just a little something I threw together.

- I love it.

Do you have a clown name?

- Heather.

No, I'm kidding.

- [ laughs ]

- It's Silly Sally.

Oh, is this the stuff for the rummage sale?

- Yeah. Stephanie!

Cindy's here! - Coming!

- How long does it take you to look like that?

- About an hour.

- That's how long it takes me to look like this.

- Hi, Cindy.

- Hi, Stephanie.

- Here's your stuff. - Oh, great.

- You've never seen Cindy in her clown outfit before.

What do you think?

- Oh, that's right. You're in your outfit.

Cute.

- Wait a minute.

This isn't what you're giving, is it?

- Yeah. Why?

- Out of all the clothes in your closet,

the only thing you could find to give to the poor

was a strapless evening gown?

- Well, I wanted to give more.

I just couldn't find anything.

Besides, this happens to be a very fine dress.

Just because I could never find a pair of shoes to go with it...

- Stephanie, the people we're giving these things to

really don't go to that many balls.

- They could shorten it and wear it for cocktails.

- You know, Stephanie,

if you don't wanna give anything, it's fine.

I don't want anybody to feel pressured.

- No, that's not it.

Listen, do you think it might pick up these poor people

if I just loaned them something?

- Stephanie, maybe I can help you find something.

- Okay, but I'm telling you right now,

I have looked and looked, and I love everything.

- Cindy, why don't you have a seat on the sofa?

We'll only be a minute. - Okay.

Hi, Dick. - Hi.

- It's Cindy.

- Oh. Oh, right.

Charity rummage sale.

Joanna know you're here? - Yeah.

She's upstairs with Stephanie.

- You know, I'm curious, Cindy.

You never told us how you got to be a clown.

- Well, with feet like this, what else you gonna be?

Actually, it's just something I always really wanted to do.

- Did I ever tell you I was a clown once?

- Professionally? - No, no.

In a school fair when I was at college.

- Did you juggle and do magic tricks?

- No, I never did anything like that.

- Well, what did you do?

- I just stood by the ticket booths.

And when people would walk in,

I'd make my pants fall down.

- That sounds funny.

- Yeah, but as the day wore on, you know,

it kinda got old.

Besides, my back began to hurt.

And I wasn't pulling up my pants as fast

as they wanted me to.

All in all, I don't miss it much.

I wonder why I thought that was an interesting story.

- Well, I'm sorry, Cindy,

but, apparently, Stephanie's right.

There's nothing in her closet she can bear to part with.

- You mean, you aren't gonna donate anything?

- Well, I know everyone hates me, and I'm sorry.

- Well, you know, Stephanie,

if you're really serious about giving something,

you could always give your time.

- What do you mean? - I mean

that you could come down today and help volunteer.

- And that will get me off the hook? Great!

- Here. Grab a box and you can come with me.

Thanks, guys.

- Don't mention it.

- Listen, I've never done anything like this before.

So if I do something wrong,

nobody's gonna yell at me, are they?

- Oh, no. Of course not.

- Will I have to work a cash register

or make change or anything?

- No. Not if you don't want to.

- Oh, what about standing on my feet for a long time?

I don't really like to do that either.

- Don't you like Cindy? - Yeah, I do.

- I think she looks adorable in that outfit.

You know, honey, maybe someday you should tell her

about the time you were a clown.

- Come on, Joanna. I do have my pride.

- Hi, guys.

- George, you look wonderful.

- You think so? - Oh, yeah.

You look like such a... fireman.

- How did the initiation go? - Great.

I learned all kinds of fire prevention

and safety procedures.

And then I saw a pretty gruesome film called "Our Flaming Foe".

Then Hank, the regular fireman,

took me out for an ice cream,

and I came home.

- Sounds like a great day.

- Yeah. You know, I don't mean to sound cocky.

But when I walked down the street in this outfit,

people looked at me a lot differently

than they ever did before.

- I bet.

- Oh, and guess what else?

Since they only have one permanent fireman,

the volunteers have to take turns

spending the night at the fire station.

And my turn is tonight. - So soon?

- Well, it's supposed to be Earl Morgan's turn,

but he bought a new car this morning.

And he wants to stay home and sit in it.

So I'm filling in.

- Well, looks like tonight the town's in your hands, George.

- Wow! This is gonna be one of the biggest nights of my life.

- Make sure that driveway is kept clear at all times.

Now let me acquaint you with some of the equipment

that we use here at the station.

It's the truck.

That's about it for equipment.

Now on to procedure.

This is where the calls come in.

Somebody calls in about a fire,

you get the name, the address, the telephone number.

- Name, address, telephone number.

- That's right.

And when you get the address,

you find it on the map here.

If it's in the red section,

you sound the alarm once.

If it's in the blue section, sound the alarm twice.

This lets the firemen know which way to head.

Now if you get the system confused, don't worry about it.

The town's flat, the guys can just follow the smoke.

Now here's the second most important rule.

Never use this telephone for personal calls.

It's only for emergencies.

We can't take the risk of tying it up.

- Got it. - Good.

Now...

[ telephone rings ]

Oh, excuse me.

Fire Department.

Oh, hi, honey.

Oh, sure, yeah.

I can pick it up on the way home, yeah.

Anything else?

Oh, good. Okay, fine. See you soon.

Bye-bye.

Where was I?

- Never use this phone for personal calls.

- That's right.

These are the keys to the fire truck.

- If there's a fire, do I drive the truck?

- No. You have to be a fireman for 10 years

before you get to drive the truck.

- Why is that?

- That's just because.

If somebody calls in about a fire,

you sound the alarm,

you open the garage doors,

and you start up the truck.

By the time she gets warmed up,

I should be able to get here.

- Then you'll drive the truck?

- That's right, because I've been a fireman for 10 years.

Now if there's nothing else, George, I'll be running along.

I left my number right on the board here.

If you need anything at all, just give me a call.

- Right. - But not on that phone.

- Right. - Good luck, George.

Good to have you with us.

- Thanks. Hank. You won't be sorry.

[ siren ]

- Utley! Calling Utley!

This is Utley.

Don't worry. I've got everything under control.

[ laughs to himself ] Hi, Dick. Hi, Joanna.

[ sigh ]

[ click, engine stops ]

[ keys clatter ]

Oh, shoot.

Oh, where did they go?

Oh, there they are.

Oh, no!

[ grunting with effort ]

Oh.

Oh, hello, Dick. This is George.

I'm down at the fire station and I need your help.

I just dropped the keys and my life down the drain.

- George? - Over here, Dick.

- Did the hanger work? - No.

And now I can't even hang up my coat.

Oh, this is terrible.

I can't believe I did this!

- George, there has to be an extra set

of keys around somewhere.

- I looked everywhere. I can't find any.

- Why don't you call Hank? I'm sure he has an extra key.

- No! No, if I call Hank, he'll know I lost the keys,

and they'll probably fire me.

- George, you're a volunteer. They can't fire you.

- Then they'll probably kill me.

- Wait a minute.

All we need is to move the truck.

- How? - Well, maybe we can push it.

George, put it in neutral. - Okay.

- Ready? - Yeah.

- Okay, push, push...

- [ George grunting ] - push.

- Is it moving?

- I don't think so.

I wonder how much this weighs.

- Eight and a half tons.

- That's our problem.

- What are we gonna do?

- Well, wait a minute, George. We don't have to move the truck.

All we have to move is the tire.

- The tire is attached to the truck, Dick.

- I know that, George. Maybe we can jack it up

and take the tire off.

- Oh, of course. Why didn't I think of that?

- George, you're just nervous.

- I guess you're right. I want so much

to be a good fireman

that I can't think in an emergency.

- All right. You see if you can find a jack.

- Oh, wait a minute.

I got a big jack at home in the garage.

- Great. You go home and get it and I'll wait here.

- No, you can't wait here, Dick. You're not a fireman.

- All right. You wait here and I'll get the jack.

- Uh, Dick? Dick?

Dick, would you do me a favor?

If anybody asks why we need a jack at the firehouse,

just tell 'em we decided to rotate the tires.

- Right.

Here's the jack, George. - Oh, good.

Did you get the lug wrench? - Yeah, it's coming.

George, I know I promised that I wouldn't tell anybody.

But I couldn't get the jack in the car by myself.

And, besides, you know, we need someone to--

- Who did you tell?

- George Utley, ladies and gentlemen,

boob of the century.

- Kirk, hand me the lug wrench.

You put the jack under the truck.

George, you can help me loosen these lug nuts.

- Couldn't you have asked Joanna?

- I just want you to know, George,

you have ruined my Saturday night.

- I'm sorry, Kirk. I didn't do this on purpose.

- I just hate wasting my time at this stupid firehouse

when I could be hanging around the rummage sale

waiting for Cindy.

[ telephone rings ]

I'll get it.

- Turn harder, George.

- I'm trying, Dick. [ grunts ]

This thing is stuck!

- Who put these on here, anyway?

[ George grunting ]

It's no use.

Maybe this is the way things are meant to be.

- You mean tight?

- No. You know how they say

some men are destined to be president.

Maybe I was destined to not be a fireman.

- George, try to look at the bright side.

Anybody who has had as much bad luck as you have

is bound to be due for some good luck.

- Well, maybe you're right.

- There's a fire. - What?

- Well, there can't be a fire!

There hasn't be a fire since 1979!

- You want me to call them back and tell them that?

- Dick, what are we gonna do? - George, don't panic!

- We have to panic! Someone's house is burning down!

- All right. Sound the alarm!

- Right, Dick! - Where's the address?

- You guys start getting coats and hats.

[ alarm wails ] - For what?

- To fight the fire!

- How can we fight the fire

if we haven't got a truck?

- We'll take Dick's car! - Wait a minute!

- Get the hoses! Get the ladders!

- Hold it! - Come on, Dick!

Don't just stand there! Hurry!

[ alarm wailing ]

- George, we can't fight a fire in an Oldsmobile!

There's room enough in the back seat!

George, don't you think you should be calling Hank?

- No time now! I'll call him from the fire!

- What are you doing? - Loading up!

- Couldn't you at least roll down the windows?

- What about blankets?

- Why would we want blankets?

- To smother the fire!

- Well, what am I supposed to do,

go find a linen closet?

- Grab something!

- All right.

- I'm sorry to bother you,

but I just thought you might have seen them.

Well, if you do hear anything, let me know, Shirley.

Okay, thanks.

- Hi. - Hi.

Thank goodness, someone's home. - What's the matter?

- Well, George ran into some kind of trouble

at the firehouse, and Dick went to help him

and he hasn't come back yet.

- Did you call down there?

- Yes, and there's no answer.

I don't know what's going on.

- Well, I'm sorry we weren't back sooner.

But we stopped and got a bite to eat.

- Well, I'm not worried.

I'm sure they're all right.

How was the rummage sale?

- It was probably the most moving experience I've ever had.

- A rummage sale?

- I've never seen such an outpouring

of love and clothing in my life.

- All I'm saying is that, if my pants are ruined,

George is paying for them.

- And you're paying for the broken window in the car!

- Oh, yeah? You wanna hear something?

No, I'm not!

- There you are. Why are you dressed like that?

Where have you been?

- We were fighting a fire.

- You fought a fire?

- Believe me, I would have rather been at the rummage sale.

- Oh, no, but I'm proud of you!

- What I meant was, I would have rather been at the rummage sale,

but my fellow man came first.

- What happened?

- Well, I made another dumb mistake.

That's what happened. - No, you didn't.

This man performed a giant act of courage.

- Disguised as a fit of panic.

- He didn't panic!

He went into a smoke-filled kitchen

not knowing what danger was waiting for him!

- What danger?

It was a blazing fillet of sole!

- He didn't know it was fish.

The point is, it was brave of him

to even go in there in the first place.

- Then explain to me why he tossed

a burning skillet in the backyard

and then threw himself on top of it.

- It was a natural reaction.

- To a hand grenade, not to someone's dinner!

- Kirk's right.

I may have looked brave.

But the whole thing wouldn't have happened

if I hadn't messed everything up.

Let's face it.

I'm no fireman.

I'm going down tomorrow and resign.

- George, don't feel that way.

You did the best you could.

- Yeah. I'm not sure

that I understand everything that happened.

But it sounds to me like you were a hero.

I can't imagine anyone making it sound otherwise.

- We're talking about me, right?

Okay, it's true.

While I might have been smarter about putting the fire out--

instead of throwing myself on top of it,

I would have used Dick's coat--

The point is, you were thinking about other people

while I was thinking about myself, and you.

You were brave, and if anybody asks me,

that's what I'm gonna tell them.

- Gee, thanks, Kirk.

[ door opens ]

- Excuse me? - Oh, Hank.

Joanna, Stephanie, Cindy,

this is Hank Dawson,

our permanent fireman.

- Hi. - Nice to meet you.

- Is everybody okay here?

- Yeah, we're fine.

- Hank, I'm sorry about everything that happened.

I'd turn in my badge,

except I never got one.

- What are you talking about?

You didn't do anything wrong.

- See? And he's a fireman.

- Well, I lost the keys to the fire truck.

- Oh, we lose keys to that fire truck all the time.

- You do? - Oh, sure.

With so many volunteers,

guys take 'em home with em,

they leave 'em at work.

There's keys to that fire truck all over this town.

- Isn't that kind of risky? I mean, anyone could come in

and drive off with the fire truck.

- No, no. You can't drive the truck

till you been a fireman for 10 years.

Listen, George, I'm really sorry about this.

I had the badge in my pocket all day long

and forgot all about it.

There you go.

- George, congratulations!

- Oh, hear, hear!

- I gotta be running along, everybody.

Nice meeting you. Good night.

- Good night. - Good night, Hank, thanks.

- Thank you.

- Now how do you feel?

- Oh, I think I'm gonna cry.

- Oh, that's sweet.

- No, that's pain.

Hank stabbed me with that badge.