All language subtitles for Newhart - S02E03

- You want anything else, honey?

- The only thing I could think
of would be the sports section.

- I'm reading
the sports section.

- I know.
- Here, honey.

Why don't you read
this until he's through?

- I don't want your section.
I want my section.

- Is this going to keep up?
Or will I have to leave?

- Morning.

- Coffee?
- Yes.

In fact, I think coffee's all
we'll be having this morning.

- Would anyone here
like some more coffee?

- Yeah, I'll have some.

- That's not why I'm here.

Don't look now.

But did you see the couple
who just came in?

Guys?

- What about them?

- I caught them trying
to sneak out last night.

Will you stop?

- What happened?

- It's about 3:00
in the morning.

I was thirsty, so I came down
to the kitchen

for some Perrier with a wedge
of lime on crushed ice.

By the way,
we're out of Perrier.

Who do I tell?

- Stephanie, forget that.
What about the Putnams?

- I saw them coming down
the stairs on their tiptoes.

- Well, maybe they were thirsty
and were trying to be quiet.

- They were dressed and
carrying all of their luggage.

- Well, some people make
more out of getting a drink

than others.

- But they were trying
to sneak out.

- Well, it just proves
what I always say.

- What's that?
- People are garbage.

- I can't believe it.

- What, people are dishonest?

- That they even
thought they could get away

with something like this.

- And they would have if I could
stand to drink tap water.

- Dick, what are
we going to do?

- There's nothing we can do.

We'll just have
to keep an eye on them.

[ dog barks ]

- Sit. Stay.

Guess what I found?

- Uh, a dog?

- Yeah. He followed me
home from the woods.

- Oh, isn't he adorable?
- He's precious.

- He's not rabid, is he?

- Oh, poor guy.

[ dog barks ]

- Jeez. Look at him.
- Hi.

[ dog barks ]

- I don't think
he likes you.

- Yeah, well, just then
keep him away from you. Okay?

- What kind is he?
- I don't know.

He's probably just a mutt.

- Are you going to keep him?

- Oh, no, I couldn't do that.

Besides, he probably
belongs to somebody.

- Didn't he have a tag?

- No, nothing.
It's a shame, too.

His owner must
be worried sick.

- Maybe he was abandoned.

- What kind of person would
do a thing like that?

- Garbage.

- George, maybe you should put
an ad in the lost and found.

- Yeah, I think I will.
He's kind of cute, isn't he?

- Yeah.
- You know, I had a dog once.

- Really?
- Yeah, he was great.

- Well, I guess everybody had a
dog when they were growing up.

- I did. Old Mike.

He was this great big
old hound dog.

Oh, he was wonderful.

- Mine was Buster.

He was part setter,
part retriever.

- What kind did
you have, Dick?

- I--I didn't actually, uh,
ha--have a dog.

- Uh, what did you have?

- I had that other
incredibly popular pet.

- You had a swan?

- I think he means a cat.

- A cat?
- Uh, a big cat.

- A tomcat?
- No.

Ac--actually he was
an angora.

- A what?
- An angora.

- An angora?
- A big angora.

- You mean one of those
fluffy cats named Snowball?

- He wasn't fluffy, and
he wasn't named Snowball.

His name was Butch,

Butch the angora cat.

Plenty of dogs were afraid
of that angora.

- I bet.
They shed like crazy.

- George, does this
dog know any tricks?

- So far, all
he's done is shake.

- Really?
He shakes hands?

- No, I meant
he just shakes.

I think he's nervous.

Maybe I'd better
take him out.

- What a great looking dog.
Is he yours?

- No. I just found him.
I hope I can find his owner.

Come on, boy.
- He's sweet.

- Yeah.

- So what are you two planning
on doing today?

- Oh, we don't know.

We just thought
we'd go out for a while.

- Oh, well, have a nice day.
- Thanks.

- Okay.
It's all clear.

- Oh, hi, Mr. Putnam.
Checking out?

- What? No.

Boy, what a
lovely place this is.

- Isn't that your suitcase?

- Huh?

By golly,
I think it is.

Well, guess I'd better get
this back to our lovely room.

- Oh, hi, Mr. Putnam.
You checking out?

- Heck no.

Why is everybody so anxious
for us to leave?

We're having a great time.
See you later.

- I hope so.

Dick, I just caught
them throwing their luggage

off the balcony.

I can't believe people
would do this.

- Come on, honey.
It--it's a challenge.

It's a childish thing
in people that says,

hey, maybe I can
get away with something.

- Hi.
- Hi, George.

I saw your ad in
the lost and found.

- Yeah, I think I may
have found the owner.

Somebody called
a little while ago.

They should be
here any minute.

- Really? Doesn't take long
to get attached, does it?

- Oh, it sure doesn't.

You should have
seen him last night.

He was having a nightmare.

I reached over
and patted his head.

You know what he did?
He kissed me.

Then he went back to sleep.
I'm glad I was there.

- I'll bet he was, too.

- He'll be happier
with his real owner.

- He seems pretty happy here.
- You know how dogs are.

Uh, cats can't
be much different.

[ phone rings ]

- Excuse me.
Uh, Stratford Inn.

H--hold on.
Uh, Stephanie.

- Well, I'm going
to go brush him.

Let me know when
the people get here.

- You called me?

- Uh, yeah, uh, the telephone.

- Who is it?
- I'm sorry.

Uh--uh, can I tell
her who's calling?

Oh, it's, uh, it's Carl.

- Hang up.

- I'm not gonna hang up.

- Then tell him I'm not here.

- I--I already told him
you were here.

Um, ho--hold on.

Uh, could you hold on
just a second?

- I'm not going
to talk to him, Dick.

- Stephanie, you have to.
- Why?

- Because you were
married to him.

- Only for a couple of days.

- W--would you hold
on just one more second?

- You said you want
to be more responsible.

You said you wanted
to be more of an adult.

- Not now.

- Stephanie, if--if you
loved him enough to marry him,

uh, the least you can do
is talk to him.

- Okay. I hate this.

I don't want to talk to him.

I'm not good at confrontation.
I'll just die.

Hi, Carl.

Fine.

Really?

You're in Vermont?

How nice.

Well--well, of course,
I--I'd love to see you.

I didn't expect to see you
again in my life.

But long as you're here.

Perfect.
Can't wait.

Bye.

He wants to see me.

- Did he say why?

- If I know Carl,
he probably wants to find out

why I walked out on him.

- You--you mean
you never told him?

- How do you tell
your husband you're leaving

without telling him why?

- You wait until
he's in the shower.

And you say, Carl,
I'm leaving you.

- I--I--
I don't believe this.

- But don't you see
what you've done?

By running away
from one confrontation,

you've just made
this one even worse.

- Well, I can fix that.
- How?

- By running away
from this one, too.

- I can't believe
she's leaving.

- She's not leaving.
- She's upstairs packing.

- I don't care what she's doing.
She's not leaving.

I'm not gonna tell Carl that
she's run out on him again.

- Well, I'm leaving.

- Come here, Stephanie.

- Oh, I'd love to, Dick,
but Carl will be here soon.

I've got to run.

- All right.
Fine. Go.

But would you mind
telling us

what we're supposed to do
when he gets here?

- Uh, tell him I'm very sorry,
but at the last minute

I suddenly remembered
I had to go to Japan.

- He's never going
to believe that.

- But that's
where I'm going.

I'll send for
the rest of my luggage.

- Stephanie, I'm not
gonna let you do this.

You owe that man
an explanation.

- Maybe so, but if
I tell him why I left,

I'm only going
to hurt him.

- Stephanie, listen.
I'm not your mother.

I'm not gonna say
you have to do this

or you have to do that.

I'm talking to
you as a friend.

You walk out that door,
young lady,

and you're never
coming back.

- Well, I'm sorry because
you know how much I care

about you people and
how much I appreciate

all you've done for me.

But I just can't be here
when Carl comes.

And nothing you say
can change my mind.

- She left.
She's gone.

- You didn't tell me
it was going to rain.

- Do--does
that make a difference?

- Well, it does to me.
It's like a sign.

- A sign?

- Oh, yeah.
I mean, look at me.

My coat is suede.
My bag is suede.

I think somebody's trying
to tell me something.

- Does that mean
you're staying?

- What else can I do?

Boy, this is going
to be hard.

- Stephanie, uh, I don't mean
to wax philosophical.

But I think you'll
find many times

with a confrontation
the-- the anticipation

far exceeds the actual event.

- When he gets here,
I'll probably die.

- Well, that would shoot
the hell out of that theory.

- Well, if he's going
to be here soon,

I better go start
on my hair.

I just know this weather
is going to make it frizz.

- Think I'll go up
and help her.

- Uh, I saw a car pulling up.

I think it may be
the people about the ad.

- Where's the dog?

- Oh, I've got him out
on the back porch.

You should see him
when he's all brushed.

- How does he look?

- Well, the same,
only smoother.

Oh, hi.
- Hi.

- I bet you're here
about the dog.

- Yeah, I'm, uh, Lou Ward.
This is my son, Ted.

- George Utley.
Nice to meet you.

The dog's in the kitchen.
I'll go get him.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I'm--I'm Dick Loudon.
- I'm Lou Ward.

This is my son Ted.

- Nice to meet you.

I guess you were
pretty worried, mm?

- Well, you know how boys
are about their dogs.

- Yeah.
- Well, here he is.

- Scruffy.
Scruffy, hey, boy.

Good boy.
Oh, Scruffy.

- I guess that's it.

- Ted.
- Yeah, dad?

- That's not your dog.

- It's not?

- No, it isn't.
It's not even close.

- You're kidding.
- No. I mean, it is a--a dog.

But it's not Scruffy.

See, Scruffy's a pedigree
Irish setter.

- But I like him.

- I know, son.
But he's not your dog.

We'll still find Scruffy.

We've still got
three more ads to answer.

- I don't want Scruffy.
I want this dog.

- Look, Ted,
Scruffy cost $300.

And we're going
to find him. Okay?

Come on, let's go.

Oh, uh, thanks
a lot for your time.

- Oh, don't worry about it.

Well, I guess he's mine
for another day.

- George, did, uh, have
you given any thought

to what you're gonna do,
you know, if no one shows up?

- Well, let me think
about that.

No, I haven't.

- Well, I--I just want you
to know if you--you decide

to keep the dog, you know,
it's--it's okay with us.

- Oh, thanks, Dick.

- My phone's out of order.

[ dog barks ]

- Haven't you found an owner
for that thing yet?

- No. As a matter of fact,
George is thinking

about keeping the dog.

- Well, it's not for sure yet.
I'm just thinking about it.

Maybe I'd better
take him out back.

- Good.

You know, if, uh, you keep
that dog around,

he's gonna ruin
your furniture.

- I don't care.

- Oh, hello.
I'm looking for Stephanie.

- Oh, may, uh, may
I tell her who's here?

- Her husband.

- You're Carl?
- Yes.

- How old are you?

- I hope Stephanie told
you I was coming.

- Yes, she--
she told us everything,

although not everything.

- Would you tell her I'm here?
- Oh, sure.

Uh, Stephanie, Carl's here.

- What a lovely inn.
- Oh, thank you.

Uh, rumor has it that, uh,
James Madison once stayed here.

- Carl, is that true?

- Uh, Joanna?

- Hi, Carl.
- Hello, Stephanie.

- Go on.

- Well, I guess
you met Dick and Kirk.

This is Joanna.

- How do you do?
- Fine. Nice to meet you.

- Is there a place
where we can talk?

- What's wrong
with right here?

- Uh, you can use my study.

- Okay. Come on, Carl.

- You believe that?

- He happens to be
a very attractive

and distinguished-looking
gentleman.

- He's a dinosaur.

- Kirk, be quiet.
He can hear you.

- Want to bet?

- I guess you know
I'd like an explanation.

- Oh, Carl, it always
frizzes in the rain.

- Stephanie, I'm not
talking about your hair.

I'm talking about
why you left me.

- Oh.

- I really do think I have
the right to know why.

- Well, it wasn't anything
that happened really.

I mean, I had fun
at the wedding,

even at the reception.
The cake was great.

- Apparently not
great enough.

Stephanie, I suppose
I'm being na�ve.

But I assumed that you gave
our marriage some thought.

We've known
each other for years.

- Well, Carl, this
is really hard to say.

But, after all,
you did come all the way

to Vermont looking for me.

And you have the right
to know the truth.

- Mm-hmm.
- The truth is...

- Yes?

- I don't like
the way you dress.

- You don't like
the way I dress?

- That's it.
That's the only reason.

- Stephanie, I can always
tell when you're lying.

- You can?
- Always.

- Well, Carl, I'm afraid if
I tell you the real reason

that it's going
to hurt you.

- Please, Stephanie, the truth.

- Oh, all right.

Your house,
I don't like your house.

- Stephanie.

- Oh, Carl, can't we just say
it was a great two days

and leave it at that?

- Is--is there something
about my personality?

Am I humorless?
Am I too reserved?

- Of course not.
It's nothing like that.

- Am I insensitive?
Am I unromantic?

- No.
Believe me, you're fine.

- Is it my age?

- No, my age.

I wish I was older.

- What you're trying to tell me
is that you wish I were younger.

- That, too.

- Stephanie, I wouldn't be
your age again for anything.

- Why not?

- Well, for one thing,
if I were, I--

I wouldn't be handling this
with such dignity.

- I'm sorry, Carl.

- So am I, Stephanie.

You know, I didn't expect this
to be a long-term relationship.

But I didn't
expect this either.

Now, I accept that
you had your epiphany

before I thought
you would.

- You've taught me so much,
everything really,

everything but
what epiphany means.

- That means a
sudden realization.

- Oh, I get it.

- Good.

- I'm so grateful
for everything.

You know, I always felt
safe with you and protected.

And we did have fun.
You took me to places

I never would
have gone to otherwise:

Singapore,
Madagascar, book stores.

- Are you happy here?

- Well, I'm in
a beautiful setting.

I'm surrounded by people
who care about me.

I have all
kinds of opportunities

I never dreamed I'd have.

I guess, if a person
can't be happy,

it's the next best thing.

- My little flower.

- I'll always love you, Carl.

- And I you.

- Well, I just talked
to the lady at the paper.

She said if nobody
claimed the dog by now,

they probably wouldn't.

- Well, I guess
that means he's yours

if you want him, George\.

- Well, I don't know.
Kind of scares me.

I've never been responsible
for anything before.

- That's not true.
You take care of yourself.

You take care of this inn.
You take care of us.

- Well, I guess that's true.

Maybe what I'm trying to say
is I've never been responsible

for anything that
ate off the floor.

- Then you should have a dog.

- I think maybe you're right.

- Congratulations.

- So what are
you gonna name him?

- I don't know.

I thought about
calling him Biscuit.

He loves those.

Or Slipper--
he really loves those.

Then again, he spends a lot of
time at the foot of the bed.

- Foot of the bed is
kind of a long name for a dog.

- I always think a dog should
have a meaningful name,

something that describes him.

- Well, he found you.
Maybe you should call him Lucky.

- He is that.
- Mm, Lucky.

Lucky--I like that.
Gee, thanks, Dick.

Come on, Lucky,
let's go downtown

and get you a nametag and
me some slippers.

Oh, hi, Stephanie.
Guess what?

I'm going to keep the dog.

- Oh, that's nice.

- Did you say
good-bye to Carl?

- Yeah.

- Feeling all right?

- I'm a little sad.

- Well, if you're ever
feeling lonely,

you can always come up to
my room and get Lucky.

- Lucky is the--
the dog's name.

- Oh.

- Are you sure
you're all right?

- Yeah.

I want to thank you two
for making me see Carl.

If I hadn't, I think
I might have regretted it

for the rest of my life.

- Well, you're welcome.

- Well, if you'll excuse me,

I think I'll go upstairs
in case

I decide to cry
or something.

- Well, if you're going
to watch the front desk,

I think I'll go in the study
and, uh, watch a game on TV.

- Sure, go ahead.

[ television noise ]

- Honey, I think the Putnams
are checking out.