All language subtitles for Newhart - S01E17

I put your bags in the car
and brought it around front.

Thank you.

Checking out?
Yes.

Well, we're delighted
you could share
some of your time with us.

Oh, you've all just
been wonderful.

JOANNA: You take care
and you come back soon.

Bye-bye.
Absolutely.

Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.
Nice people.

Nice seeing you.

So long.
Toodle-oo.

Have a safe trip home.
Right-o.

So who were the geezers?

Mr. and Mrs. Cooper.
They've been here a week.

They never stopped
by my cafe once.

Mr. Cooper
has a heart condition.
He has to watch what he eats.

And one greasy hamburger
and some fries would kill him?

All I'm saying is there's
nothing wrong with my food.

I eat it myself
three times a day.

Speaking of food,
how would you like

to have dinner
here tomorrow night?

I'd kill to have dinner here
tomorrow night.

What's the occasion?

Dick's going to Boston.

And you're celebrating?

Of course I'm
not celebrating.

I'm going to miss him.

He's just going
for a night out
with the boys.

I hope I don't smell
divorce in the air.

He's going to
a basketball game.

Then what's all the fuss?
There is no fuss.

What are you talking about?

I'm trying to plan
a dinner party tomorrow night,

and everybody's
taking it wrong.

Why are you planning
a dinner party?

Because you won't be here.

Well, I hate to
ruin your party,
but I may be here.

Oh...

What happened
to the game?

I just got off the phone
with Tommy Winston,

my best friend in New York.
And?

You know, that stupid jerk
is gonna elope tomorrow night.

Dick, that's wonderful.

It's the most selfish thing
I ever heard of.

Getting married is selfish?

Oh, that's because
you don't know Tommy.

I mean, Tommy's
always getting married.

And why did he have
to pick tomorrow night,

when Fred and I
and Tommy had planned
a whole evening in Boston?

Now I have
no one to go with.

Joanna,
Tommy and I are finished.

Well, why don't
just you and Fred go?

I called Fred.
He said it'd be
no fun without Tommy.

Fred and I are through, too.

I'm sorry, honey.

I mean, we have bench passes.

That is a once in
a lifetime opportunity.

You get to sit
with them on the bench,

you get to listen to
the inside information,
you get to hear them cuss.

And now
the whole thing is ruined.

I mean, there's
no one fun to go with.

Just a big, stupid,
dumb disappointment.

Does anyone have a mirror?

I'd like to see
if I've suddenly
become invisible.

Kirk, would you
like to go to the game?

Gosh, no, Dick.
I'd rather stay here
with Joanna and Leslie,

maybe talk about
clothes and hair.

That's a sexist remark, Kirk.

And I hate myself
for saying it.

So how about it?

Do you know
anything about basketball?

I know nothing
about basketball,
but I love Boston.

I've never been to Boston.

What are you trying to do,
George, worm an invitation
out of Dick?

Not if he doesn't
want me to go.

Hey, why don't
all three of you go?

I've never seen
a basketball game.

All right,
the three of us will go.

Oh, boy,
the Three Musketeers.

When do we leave?
Could we leave
a little early,

so we could see
the Liberty Bell?

(CLEARS THROAT) George,
we'd have to leave now

because the Liberty Bell
is in Philadelphia.

I beg your pardon, Dick.
I've never been to
Boston or Philadelphia.

Well, the game's at 7:30.
We could leave here at 3:00.

Great. I got
a feeling this is gonna be
the best time I've ever had.

It's a dream
come true for me.

Have fun, Dick.
Any time the 76ers play
Boston it's a great game.

How did you
know who's playing?

Oh, I'm a big Celtics fan.

I have been since
the days of Bill Russell.

Maybe I should've asked you
if you wanted to go to
the game.

No, that's okay.
I mean, it's fun for
just the guys to go out.

Besides, this gives
Joanna and me a chance to
do something really special.

I've got it.
What?

Why don't we
go to a movie,

then, on the way home,
stop and have
a hot fudge sundae?

Sixteen years
and I still can't tame her.

Right in the dining room.
Thank you.

Well, we're ready
to go to Boston.

Dick.

Kirk and George
are ready to go.

I told you
we'd leave at 3:00.

Well, this may
seem silly to you,
but we're excited.

We've never been
to a professional
basketball game.

I've never even been
to Massachusetts before.

Well, I guess we could
leave a little early.
You wouldn't mind, honey?

No.
I'll get my coat.

(EXCLAIMING)

As soon as he gets his coat,
we're going to Boston.

I hope his coat
is close to the door.

Let's hit it.
I'm ready.

Great, let's go.

Hey, how about
these babies?

I bought them this morning.
Cost me 85 bucks.

They ought to bring
the game really close.

Kirk, we have bench passes.

Where are they?

At the edge of the court,
six inches from the game.

Wanna buy these?
You'll see Boston sooner.

Say, thanks.

I made you something to eat
in the car.

Great.
Let me give you a hug.

Better,
I'll save it for later.

Have a wonderful time.
Yeah, we'll try.

Bye, honey.

I'll never get used
to saying goodbye to you.

Drive carefully.
I will now.

We'll see you
back later tonight.
Okay.

Have fun.
Bye.

DICK: So long.
Bye.

KIRK: Bye.
GEORGE: Bye.

Well, the men
are on their way.
What should we do?

I don't know.
What do you wanna do?

Gee, I don't know.

I think I'll get my bike
out of the basement
and tighten the spokes.

(PHONE RINGING)

Stratford Inn.

Yes, we do. For tonight?
How many people?

Just one? Okay.
May I have your
last name please?

Travanti.

T-R-A-V-A-N-T-I.

First name?

Daniel?

So that would be
Daniel Travanti?

Yes, Mr. Travanti,
we'll have your room
waiting when you arrive.

You're welcome. Bye.

Daniel Travanti?

That's what he said.

As in Daniel J. Travanti?

As in Captain Furillo?
As in Hill Street Blues?

Do you think it's possible?

Did he sound like
Daniel Travanti?

Well, I don't know.
It sounded like
it could've been him.

Wait a minute,
we're being silly.

There has to be
more than one Daniel Travanti.

What do you think
the chances are that
this is the Daniel Travanti?

I don't know.
I guess one in however many
Daniel Travantis there are.

But I'm willing
to wait and see.

Put your bike away,
Leslie.

I think we just
found something to do.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Bench pass.

Well, this is it.
The bench.

Well, the other seats
have backs.

George, we're gonna sit
with the players.
Oh.

Where do we sit?
On the bench.

Do we lie down
on the full length of it

or do we pick
a specific spot?

Here at the end,
I guess.

Well, this is really great.

It seems
like if we were
sitting up higher

we could see better.

George,
most of the people here
would kill for these seats.

Well, this is
my first time, Dick.

When does the game start?

Well, they're still
warming up.

Dick.
What?

Is this gonna be
here for the whole game?

Of course not, Kirk.
Kirk, these are great seats.

We're gonna have a completely
unobstructed view of the game.

They won't make
one move on the court
that we can't see.

Oh...

Dick, are you all right?

No, I got beer
and hot dog all over me.

Hey, how about the ball?

I thought if they were thrown
in the stands you got to
keep them.

That's baseball.
Will you throw him the ball?

Hey, are you okay?

No, he's got hot dog
and beer all over him.

I'm sorry about that.

I thought you guys
were supposed to be pros.

You better get
to the men's room,

get that mustard
off before it stains.

Yeah, maybe you're right.
All right, I'll be back.

Don't forget
where we're sitting.

I am sorry about that.

Don't worry about Dick,
he loves basketball.

Good. Good.

Are you one of the players?

Yeah.

George Utley.
Hi, George.

Say, would you mind
moving down a little bit?

Sure.

When do you play?

I'm not a starter.
I probably won't play at all.

Do you get paid
even if you don't play?

Oh, yeah.
How much?

I make about
$65,000 a year.

I'm from out of town.
Is that considered
good money in Boston?

Okay, I'm back.

How bad does it look?
Not as bad as it smells.

Thanks, great. George,
you want to move down?

Yeah, okay.

I'm sorry, sir.
The game's about to start.
You'll have to move on.

Can't you see?
I'm sitting on the bench.
Yeah.

Do you have your
bench pass?

I had a bench pass.
I took it off when
I cleaned my jacket.

I must have left it
in the men's room.

It's okay, he's with me.

Not if he
doesn't have a pass.

I had a bench pass.

Sorry, sir. If you can't
show me your bench pass
you'll have to move.

Now, wait a minute.
You can use my pass, Dick.

I don't want your pass.
I have my pass.

Why don't you
just come with me,

and we'll get this
cleared up?

You stay here.
I'll be right back.

Don't forget
where we're sitting.

MAN ON PA:
And here's the tip-off!

(ALL CHEERING)

(SIGHING WITH RELIEF)

Okay, I'll keep
a lookout and you change.

Leslie, you look great.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, Joanna,
the cake turned out great.

Do you think we're
acting like idiots?

I was thinking that
when I was brushing my hair.

Yeah.
And then I'd think,

"What if the Daniel Travanti
does show up?"

And then I'd brush
my hair some more.

You know, I rarely
get excited about stars.

But once in a great while
one comes along
who you think is really neat.

And I think Daniel Travanti
is really neat.

(EXCLAIMS)
I don't think there's
anything wrong in that.

For years, I thought
that Robert Redford
is really neat.

Oh, I love Robert Redford
and Peter O'Toole.

Oh, yeah.

Do you like Richard Gere?
Oh, God, yes.

Me, too.

So, we're not acting stupid?
No.

You know, if Dick were here
he'd be laughing his head off.

I bet if Jacqueline Bisset
were checking in
he'd be really excited.

I don't know if he'd
change clothes for her.

Who would he
change clothes for?
Jill St. John.

Really?
Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

If Jill St. John were
checking into this inn,

Dick would shower, shave,
put on his best suit

and stammer like a school boy
the minute he saw her.

(LAUGHING)
Yes.

Oh, I think I just
heard a car pull up.

Oh, please don't be Dan.
I haven't changed.

Is it him?

Oh, no. Just someone
turning around.

Okay, I'm gonna run upstairs
and see if I can find
something to wear.

You know, Leslie,
we're gonna really feel stupid

if this guy shows up
and he's just
an ordinary man.

Joanna, even if he is
the Daniel Travanti,

he's still just
an ordinary man.

You're right.

He puts on his pants
one leg at a time
just like everybody else.

Oh, God, what would
you pay to see that?

I hope the guys are
enjoying their game.

If I know Dick, he's having
the time of his life.

(LOUD CHEERING)

(TIMER BUZZING)

What happened?
Time out.
There's an injured player.

What's the score?

108 to 108.

How much time left?

40 seconds.

Great, the most exciting game
of the year and I spend it in
a tunnel with a cop.

Police officer.

Excuse me.

I had a bench pass.

I've sat on the bench.
It's not that big a deal.

You never sat
on the bench.

I did too. Last season.
We had Cleveland in here,

nobody showed up,
so I sat on the bench.
It's not that big a deal.

You can see.

You can see.

I can see the tops
of the players' heads
and one basket.

(TIMER BUZZING)
Look, the game's gonna be
over in a minute.

The players and the press
will be coming through.

You'll have to move back
against the wall.

You're kidding?

No.

Mr. Loudon,
you'll have to move back
farther than that.

And against the wall.

Now I can't see anything.

I'm sorry. Now do you promise
to stay there?

I swear on my bench pass.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Hi.
Yeah.

Hey, you got
any more of those?

Sorry.

Hey...

You could have mine.

No. No, thanks.

No, really.

You can have it.

Hey, buddy.

Thanks.

MAN ON PA:
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Celtics thank you

for attending this evening.

Please drive carefully.

Who won? Who won?
Who won? Who won?

Wait. What was the score?
Who won? Who won?

Hi, Dick.
Boy, we sure missed you.

Hey, where did you
get the canoes?

Never mind.

What was the score?
112 - 111.

Who won?
I don't know.

What do you mean
you don't know?

I was enjoying the game.

Kirk, who won?
Beats me.

Well, you turned out
to be great friends,
you know that?

I spend the entire game
in a tunnel with a cop
and you don't know who won.

Dick's mad at us.

I know.

Hey, George,
how's it going?
Okay.

Hey, if you guys want
to come into the locker room,

come on, you should meet
all the players.

Do you want to go
to the locker room?
It might be fun.

Do you think he meant
for Dick to go into
the locker room?

He was looking at
all of us when he said it.
Of course he meant me.

Now let's go in.

Hey, where you guys going?

The locker room.

Not without
a bench pass.

Look, I missed
the whole game,

at least I can go in there
and watch them snap some
towels.

Not without a pass.

All right, why don't you guys
go ahead? I'll wait out here.

We'll only be a minute.

Hey. Who won?
Where have you been?

Here.
Celtics. We killed them.

You didn't kill them.

You only won
by one point.

Stupid bird.

(GASPS)

Is it him?

No, it's only Dick.

Oh.

What's going on?

We thought you were
Daniel J. Travanti.

I guess if you're groggy
and the light hits me
just right.

No, Dick. He called
just after you left.
He wanted a room for tonight.

Daniel Travanti called here
and wanted a room?

Well, someone named
Daniel Travanti called,
but he never showed up.

And you've been sitting here
all night waiting for him?

Well, we haven't been
sitting here all night.

Yeah. We spent most
of it getting ready.

So how was the game?
Fine.

Did you sit on the bench?

Yeah, I sat on the bench.

And you got to
meet the players?

Yeah, one of them
gave me his shoes.

Why did he do that?

It's a custom.

Professional
golfers sometimes,
when they win a tournament,

you know, they'll throw
their ball into the crowd.

(CLEARS THROAT) Professional
basketball players,

they throw their shoes.

Since when?

Since tonight. Really,
I'd rather not talk about it.

Okay.

Hi.
Oh, hi, George.

Dick was just telling us
about the game.

Did he tell you that
he missed the whole thing?

No.

Did he tell you that he had
to stay in the tunnel with
a policeman?

JOANNA: No.

Did he tell you
that he yelled at me?

You yelled at George?
No.

Did too.
Did not.

See?

So, George,
how was Boston?

Well, it's beautiful.

And the basketball stadium
is huge and I'd love to
go back sometime.

But maybe not with Dick.

Sounds like nobody had
a very good time tonight.

? I want to wake up
in the city
that doesn't sleep ?

You know, there are
no great songs about Boston.

I thought you went home.

I did. But I'm still
so wired from the trip.

I thought I'd come over here
and finish my pizza.

Look, we're all tired.
I think we're gonna
go to bed.

Why don't you turn out
the lights and lock up?

Okay. Can I bum
a glass of milk?

Don't you have any
milk at your cafe?

Yes, but as we all can see,
I'm not at my cafe.

Sure. Help yourself.

Well, Dick,
in spite of
our differences,

I had a wonderful time.

I'm glad, George.

Yeah.
Let's do it every year.

Let's play it by ear.

Do you know
who you look exactly like?
Who?

I'll tell you
when I think of it.

I have a reservation.

Well, the innkeeper's
gone to bed,

but what the heck?
I'm drinking his milk,

I can check you in.

Okay.

How do they do this
in the movies?

You have to sign
the register.

Mmm-hmm. Okay.

Good. And you'll need a key.

Okay. Thank you.

That's Room 8 at the top
of the stairs, Mr...

I just thought of
who you look like.

Could you wait right here
while I wake everyone up
in town?

Uh... Listen.

I have to be up at
the crack of dawn.

I really need a few
hours sleep. So...

Okay, look,
just do me one favor.

I own the Minuteman Cafe
next door.

Before you leave tomorrow,
if you just could come over
for five minutes

so I could
get a picture of you
pretending to eat my food.

Sure.

See you tomorrow, Captain.

And, hey,
let's be careful up there.