All language subtitles for Newhart - S01E15

Hi, Dick, busy?

As a matter of fact,
yeah.

Too busy to listen to a man
who's about to change
the course of his entire life

and, in so doing,
perhaps change
the course of your life

and the lives
of every person
in the free world?

Afraid so.

(SIGHING) What are you
talking about, Kirk?

Leslie is taking me
to register for some
college courses.

Dick, I'm going back
to school.

Is this another one
of your stupid ploys
to be near Leslie?

You bet.

And I'm counting on you,
as a fellow guy,
not to tell her.

You know, you need
a bachelor's degree
to enroll in Leslie's classes.

So?

Do you have one?
Not officially.

Have you ever been
to college?

I've taught college,
I've never actually attended.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

There you are.
KIRK: Hi.

Hi, I'm all set.
Great.

Did Kirk tell you the news?
Yeah.

Can you believe
he's doing this?
Oh, yeah.

Well, let's go.
First place we'll stop
is the admissions office.

Boy, it'll be great to be back
in one of those again.
Nothing.

(DINGS)

(DINGING CONTINUES)

(BELL DINGING)

George,
what are you doing?

I just fixed your bell.

I didn't know
it was broken.
Well, you wouldn't.

I mean, that's
the funny thing about bells.

To know they're broken,
what you've got to do
is hear them not ringing.

I guess that's true.

Well, take the bell
on your phone.

Every minute it's not ringing
could be a warning that
the phone is broken.

You've thought
about this a lot,
haven't you, George?

It's my job, Dick.
You don't pay me to putter.

By the way,
who's Manny Silver?

Manny Silver is a comic
I knew years ago in New York.

You've heard me
talk about him.

Doesn't ring a bell.

He actually
gave me my start.

When I first started out,
I was, you know,

trying to sell
anything I could

and I sold him
a couple of jokes. Why?

He's coming to visit.

You're kidding.

Nope, he tells you
everything right there
in that postcard.

Oh, boy.

You don't sound happy.

It's Joanna that
isn't gonna be happy.
She can't stand him.

That doesn't sound
like the Joanna I know.

That's because you
don't know Manny.

Oh, George,
could you take this out
to the back porch for me?

Oh, sure.
Thanks.

While I'm at it,
I'll check that
back doorbell.

I haven't heard that
ring lately, either.

Uh, honey, I don't
mean to upset you,

but you'll never guess
who is coming to visit.

Manny Silver.

That's incredible.

Some people are
great surgeons,
some are great singers,

I have this gift for knowing
when Manny Silver is coming.

Honey, I know
you don't like him,

but, I mean, after all,
he did give me my start.

He bought seven lousy jokes
at a dollar apiece,
over 20 years ago,

and you've been
paying him back ever since.

The point is,
it was the first time
I was ever paid to write.

I mean, it encouraged me.

And without Manny,
I might never have
written my first book.

Honey, you had
So You Want To Plant Plums
in you

long before you met
Manny Silver.

He's only gonna be
here for a day or two.

How do you know that?

Because some people
are great surgeons,

some people are
great singers,

I happen to have a gift
for knowing when you'll
throw Manny Silver out.

I heard a car.
Is it Manny?

Yeah. Joanna.

Okay, I'll say hello.

Try to be nice to him.

Honey, just promise me
that whatever he asks for
this time,

you won't go along with it.

He isn't going to ask
for anything, and I promise.

I just wish
you'd understand

your being a successful
writer has nothing to do
with Manny Silver.

And no one knows
that better than Manny.

(LAUGHING)

Will you look what
seven jokes will buy?

Seven jokes, 25 books
and 18 years of hard work.

Joanne.

Joanna.

Dick, bubele, how are you?
How are you, Manny?

Oh, I couldn't be better.
The way you live,

this country,
all those trees.

I saw a dog
have a nervous breakdown.

But seriously.
There's someone here
I want you to meet.

Corinne Nesbit,
two of my best
and dearest friends,

Dick and Joanne Loudon.

Let's not be formal,
call me Joanna.

Corinne travels with me.

Well, congratulations.

Thank you.
We met in Miami.

She worked at a bank.

She turned down my loan,
but she approved me.

(LAUGHING)

Well,
it must be very exciting,
traveling with Manny.

Yes.

Did you travel
a lot before?

No.

Well,
it's nice to have you here.

Thank you.

She makes life on
the road a lot brighter.

I can see how she would.

Well, you and Dick
must have a lot of
catching up to do.

I'm going to
make some coffee.

Corinne, would you like
to give me a hand?

No, thank you.

So, what does a guy
got to do to get
the nickel tour around here?

Not much. Corinne,
you wanna join us?

No, thank you.

She's seen a lot
of hotels, Dick.

Well, we're pretty proud
of this place.

What part would you
like to see first?

Well, if you have
a dining room,
let's look at that.

Dick, incredible.
What workmanship.

Imagine, a whole room
made out of wood.

Yeah, well,
it was built in 1774.

I thought it looked old.

You know
what I think our forefathers
must have had in mind

when they built this place?

What?
Dinner theater.

Dinner theater?

Yeah, you take a joint
like this out in the sticks,
you throw up a stage,

you serve a little food,
I do my act.

Uh... Speaking of food,
why don't I show you upstairs?

I'm not kidding you, Dick.
A few cocktails,
some weenies on toothpicks,

that's all you'd need.

Let me show you your room.

This is my room.

I could
knock 'em dead in here.

Manny.

Dick, all I'm asking
is one night.

To tell you the truth,
I don't think that people
around here would go for it.

Dick, I need the work.
The clubs are drying up.

What's one night
going to hurt?

If it doesn't work,
I'm gone.

What if it does work?

I'm here indefinitely.

I just thought
maybe you'd go for it

because, you know,
I gave you your start
and everything.

Manny, for the sake
of our friendship,

please don't ask me
to go along with this.

I'm asking.

I'm going along.

Dick, you want to
get your camera,

so we can have
our picture taken by this?

Look, I know it's tacky,
Joanna, but you don't
have to be snippy.

I'm not being snippy.
And I don't
know why you think

that a garish cardboard cutout
of Manny Silver looks tacky

in the lobby of a tasteful,
charming New England inn.

See, again I'm hearing
snippy in there.

It's just that I knew
this would happen.

If you're angry,
I'd prefer you'd just
come out with it.

Let's just save it
till Manny leaves, okay?

Better, let it fester.

It is so stupid.

What's stupid?

You're stupid.

Looks like the first day
at school went well.

Do you know what classes
he signed up for?

Whatever was next door
to what I'm taking.

That was just a coincidence.

A coincidence?

What kind of curriculum
do you call Portuguese,
Afro-American Studies,

Quantum Chemistry and Dance?

Diverse.

(EXCLAIMING)

Leslie,
I know he's frustrating,
but you don't have to scream.

I'm not screaming at him.

I just saw this sign.

In that case,
I'd say you were
remarkably restrained.

You let him put this
in the lobby?

We put it in the lobby.

He had it on the curb.

Well, how do I look?

Flashy.
Thanks.

How's the house?

Uh, thin.

Well, it's only 7:55.

Corinne, I want you to take
a picture of the three of us
in front of the sign, okay?

Dick, you on my left,
and, Joanne,
I want you on my right.

Okay? All set, sweetheart?

No, no,
to the right of the sign.

Oh, yes. You ready, babe?

Okay, now,
everybody smile.

Fabulous!

I set out those
little candles on the tables,
like you asked me to.

They look real snazzy.

Oh, great, George.
I always thought that
little candles on the table

give a room that
certain Vegas touch.

That's what we strive for
here at the Stratford.

That certain Vegas touch.

Yeah, I still get goosebumps
when I see a club full of
those little candles.

But then, I'm a sap.

Well, listen, I don't mind
if they start coming in late.
Why don't we get started?

Are you two kids coming?

We wouldn't miss it.

Can I call this a date?

Is it okay if I come?

Of course.
You know what they say,

the more people,
the less empty.

Show business has a language
all its own, doesn't it?

Well, Manny,
for what it's worth,
good luck.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, listen.

I wonder if you would do me
one more favor.

Really?

Ordinarily,
I could walk out cold
because they'd know me,

but being that
this is New Hampshire
and everything...

Uh, Vermont.
Whatever. The woods.

I wrote out this
special introduction

and I'd appreciate it
if you'd read it for me.

I can't make out
this one word.

"Magnificence."

Of course.
"Comic magnificence." Um...

You want me to do this now?

Yeah, I just want
a moment alone
to psych myself up.

Showtime!

(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)

Good evening.
"Welcome to the Wood Room

"of the Stratford Inn
in fabulous downtown..."

Wait a minute.
Oh, I see. All right.

"Welcome to the Wood Room
of the Stratford Inn

"in fabulous downtown.

"Once or twice
in a generation,
there explodes upon the scene

"a talent almost too large
to be contained

"in a single human being."

Let me just skip ahead
a couple of paragraphs here.

"So let's put
our mitts together
and give a warm New..."

Make that
"A warm Vermont welcome
to the comic magnificence

"of Manny Silver."

(PLAYING DRUM ROLL)

Oh, thanks.
Thank you, thank you.

Boy, I wanna tell you
how great it is
to be here tonight.

This is really great.
And great to be back.

(CHUCKLES)

How about a drink
for the funny guy?

We don't serve drinks.
We don't have a license.

I drive and I don't have
a license.

(PLAYS DRUM)

I'm only kidding.
But seriously,

I stopped drinking anyway.
I gave it up for
health reasons.

My bartender died.

You really look like
a great crowd.
Where's everybody from?

I'm from Vermont.

Vermont. Great.

How about you folks,
where do you come from?

Philadelphia.
Philadelphia.
Hey, Philly, a great town.

You know what I
hate about New York?
The muggers.

I mean,
I don't know about you,
but they drive me crazy.

I've been held up
so many times,
I've got tan armpits.

Is this
a standing ovation, sir,

or are you just getting up
to adjust your shorts?

What can I tell you, Dick?
I guess he just doesn't
like your company.

I'm only kidding.
My good friend,
ladies and gentlemen,

Dick Loudon.

Uh, Manny,
it isn't working.

Great, a heckler!

Excuse me, sir,
is that your head
or are you blowing a bubble?

Manny, uh, stop.

Why?

Manny, this isn't
a fair test for you.

It was before you
broke my rhythm.

Why doesn't
everybody go in the lobby,

and I'll help Manny
blow out the candles?

Gee, I really liked
his show,

but could be I'm just blinded
by all the flash and dazzle.

I don't understand
what you're doing.

Manny, we both saw
what happened.

We don't have
to spell it out.

What happened?

It didn't work.

Oh.

Well,

(STUTTERING)
I appreciate what you tried
to do for me, Dick.

I won't bother you anymore.

Manny, you know,
it was no bother.

Well, all the same.

I'll be up and out of here
first thing tomorrow morning.

What happened?

I had to tell him
the truth.

How'd he take it?

Well, you know Manny,
he tried to put
up a front, but

maybe, for the first time
in his life,
he couldn't do it.

I saw real feelings.

How about I dump Corinne?

Morning, Leslie.
Morning, everybody.

Hi, Dick.

Have you seen Manny?

He and Corinne
were down earlier,
but they went back upstairs.

Wonder if he feels
any better this morning.

Honey, I know
the position you're in,

but don't worry,
Manny will bounce back.

One bad show's
not gonna kill him.

How do you know that?

He'd have been dead long ago.

(DRUM PLAYING)

That was a good one.

What's going on?

Sounds like
somebody's playing the drums.

At 8:00 in the morning?

Thank you, folks,

and welcome to
a brand-new feature
here at the Stratford Inn.

Breakfast theater.

What's he doing?

Bouncing back.

How's everybody feeling
this morning?

It's a beautiful day,
isn't it?

Everybody feeling good?

I wanna talk to you
about sex.

Manny.

Dick, don't worry.
I haven't forgotten you.

Ladies and gentlemen,
a good friend of mine

and the man who insisted
that I be here, Dick Loudon.

And his wife, Joanne.

Have you noticed
that hookers are getting
more expensive lately?

Am I right, Dick?

Dick, you've got
to stop him.

How? I...

(DRUM PLAYING)

I can't embarrass him.

What about embarrassing
all those people
out there and ourselves?

(DRUM PLAYING)
All right...

All right, I'll see if
I can get his attention.

But I'm not gonna
humiliate him by
making an announcement

in front of
all those people.

So I said, "Spit out the cat
and I'll give you back
your dollar."

Manny, could I speak
to you for a minute?
Oh, not now, Dick.

You didn't tell me
that this is when
you draw a crowd.

What is this?
Manny, we have to talk.

Can we go in my study?

Yeah, sure, but wouldn't it
be easier if we just ask
Corinne to leave?

I was trying to be polite.

Oh, yeah, I understand that.
Corinne.

Look, Manny,

you're gonna have
to face reality.

I know what you wanna say.

I have to adjust my material
for this morning crowd.

You know, I do a lot of
sophisticated wordplay,

and these people just
are not awake enough
or drunk enough.

(STUTTERING) Manny,
I'm trying to help you.

Maybe I can
find you some work.

You could do that?

Maybe not as a comic,

but I'm sure we can
find you something,
you know, if you need money.

Who said anything
about needing money?

You said
you needed to work.

I do,
but I don't need money.

I need money
like I need a new act.

I don't understand.

Dick, I love to make
people laugh.

I need to make
people laugh.

It's not what I do,
it's who I am.

I just have to
find the right spot.

I thought this might be it.

It's not.
I'll just keep looking.

Manny, if you have money,
why don't you
build your own spot?

You mean,
like open up my own club?

Ah, too risky.
I could lose a lot of money.

Yeah, but you got money.
What you need is an audience.

This is true.

My own place.

Manny's.

No, classier. Silver's.

Hey, Dick, you're about
the greatest friend
a guy ever had.

And to show you how great
I really think you are,

I'm gonna let you be
the first one to invest.

How much you gonna put in?

Seven dollars.
Now we're even.

(CHUCKLES)

Bubele.

Where's Joanne?

Before I go,
I want to say goodbye.

Joanne... Joanna.

Manny's leaving.
He wanted to say
something to you.

Oh.

Goodbye.

And you don't like him?