All language subtitles for Newhart - S01E11

Hi, Kirk.

Shh.

(WHISPERING)
Are you crazy?

Because I said hi?

Shh.

Where's Leslie?
She's in the dining room.

Shh.

(WHISPERING) She's
studying. I wouldn't
go in there.

(WHISPERING) I don't
want to go in there.

I just wanted
to make sure
I don't run into her.

Leslie finally agreed
to go out with me.

Tonight's
our first date.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah.
I don't want to spoil it
by seeing her ahead of time.

Oh, that's dumb.

You're right, it is dumb,
but that's the way
I want to handle it.

Anyway, I just came over
because I want to know

what aftershave
I should wear tonight.

So, I want you to tell me
which one is best.

Okay?
Okay. Yeah.

All right.

Nice.
Good.

Uh-huh.
Mmm-hmm.

Mmm-mmm.
Mmm-hmm.

This is it, right?

Yeah.

Okay. I like
the right cheek best.

Good. That's my favorite.

It's called War.

They have a great slogan,
"Wear War because
love is hell."

What a turn-on.

I hope so.

I've waited so long
for this night.

I want everything
to be perfect.

Kirk, I hope you're
keeping this in
perspective.

I mean, after all,
it is only a date.

A date with Leslie.

It doesn't make me a dope
just because I want to go out

and get my hair cut,
my shoes shined
and put gas in the new car.

You bought
a new car?
Mmm-hmm.

For a date
with Leslie?

No, I bought a new
car because I need one.

What was wrong
with your old one?

It wasn't good enough
for my date with Leslie.

Speaking of which,
it must be ready by now.
I gotta go.

Tell Leslie I'll pick
her up at 7:00 sharp.

I'm sure
she'll be ready.

I doubt it.
I'll be early.

Hi, Kirk.
No time now, Dick.
I'm in a rush.

What was that
all about?

Tonight's his first
date with Leslie.

Does Leslie know?

Yeah.

(SNIFFS)

What's that?

War.

Smells like hell.

Did you come out
for the mail?

No, I just
finished my book.

Honey,
congratulations.

You know, the books
on Kansas and Arkansas
were fine, but...

I don't know,
in this book I think
I've really said it all

in the Many Moods
of Minnesota.

What are you
going to do now?

Well, you know me.
When I finish a book,
I like to celebrate,

you know,
do something I've
never done before.

Want to help me
clean the oven?

I was hoping we
could save that
until New Year's Eve.

It's just something
you've never done before.

You know what I'd
really like to try?

Skiing.
Skiing?

Yeah. Where's Leslie?

She's in the dining room.
Dick, skiing is dangerous.

I know,
that's why I'm going
to take Leslie along.

She's a champion skier.

Dick, hold it.

Before you go in there,
couldn't you wait till
tomorrow to do this?

Why should I wait
till tomorrow?

Because I'm hoping
the snow will melt tonight.

Leslie!

Leslie, how'd you
like to take a break
and teach me how to ski?

Gee, I'd love to, but I can't.
I have this paper to write,

I have all my work
to do around here,

and I should at least
wash my hair before
my date with Kirk.

Okay, I'll go by myself.

Wait a minute, Dick.

I don't think you should
go skiing the first time
by yourself.

Well, I'm not exactly
a total novice, you know.

I mean, I do water-ski.

It's basically
the same principle.

Except in snow skiing,
you're careening down
the side of a mountain.

I really wish you'd wait
so I could go with you.

I'm fine.
Don't worry about me.
Oh, one thing.

I know when you're coming
downhill, you know,

you try to lean forward
and keep your knees together

and use your
poles for balance.

But when you get to
the bottom of the hill,

how do you actually stop?

I'm coming with you.

Old skiing bug
bit you, huh?
Can't resist!

I'll just run upstairs
and get my things.

I'll be careful.

Brr!

I thought I'd
knock off for lunch.

It's 10:00.

No, George!

George, it's okay.
If you want to take
a break, it's fine.

Oh, good.
I think I'm coming
down with a cold.

What have you
been doing?

Looking for
my snow shovel.
Has anybody seen it?

Well, the last time
I saw it, it was
in the garage.

Oh, I can't get
in the garage.

Why not?

It's full of snow.

How come the garage
is full of snow?

I forgot to close
the doors last night.

And that's why
you need the shovel?

Yeah. It's a vicious circle,
isn't it, Dick?

Well, now you can't
go skiing. Your car's
in the garage.

I'll use
George's truck.

While you're out,
how about picking
up a new shovel?

It was just
a thought.

Dick? To save time,
I'll dress out there while
you're renting your stuff.

Leslie, promise me
you won't teach Dick
anything fancy.

Don't worry.
We'll stick
to basics.

Joanna, will you stop
treating me like a kid,
and zip me up?

I just don't feel
good about this.

There's nothing
to worry about.

I know what I'm doing.

Better yet,
Leslie knows
what she's doing.

I mean,
you can't learn skiing
and be safer than I am.

I guess you're right.

Oh, just so I'll know,
where will you be?

Suicide Point.

It's just a name.

Oh, yes, there are
all kinds of things
to do up here.

We have nature trails,
scenic drives,
historical sites.

We serve breakfast,
and there's a cafe
next door.

Oh, yes, we have
several rooms
with fireplaces.

I think it would
be an ideal spot
for a honeymoon.

Well, if he does propose,
I'm sure you'll have
a wonderful time.

You're welcome.
Oh, and good luck.

DICK: Joanna! Help!

Oh, no, Dick!

I knew it!
I knew something
like this would happen.

No, you didn't.

You thought I was
going to hurt myself.
I hurt Leslie.

Help me get her
to the sofa.

What happened?

It was a fluke.

We were at the top
of the bunny slope,
that's ski talk,

and, I don't know, I guess
I got too close to the edge
and I started to slip.

So I had to think
quickly, and I grabbed
onto something.

He grabbed onto me.

And she lost her balance
and fell down and...

He fell on top of me.

This could be serious.
I think we should
call a doctor.

George!

Where did he fall?
On my knee.

I was in the kitchen
fixing a mustard
plaster for my cold.

George,
we need a doctor.

Mustard plaster
usually does the trick.

No, for Leslie.
She hurt herself skiing.

Oh, no!
What happened?

It's a long story.

Dick fell on her.

That's the short version.

You fell on Leslie?

I didn't mean to.
It was an accident.

Well, that makes
it a little better.

I'd better go
get Dr. Adamson.

Wouldn't it be
quicker to call him?

Not on Wednesday.
He's out skiing.

In the meantime,
I'll get some
ice for your knee.

I have some
aspirin in the study.
That will help the pain.

I guess I'll go
upstairs to my room.

Fine, we'll meet
you up there.

Watch your step,
Dick!

Well, since you're
her ski coach,
I thought you should know.

Well, apparently
someone fell on her.

I don't know why they
let people on the slopes

when they don't know
what they're doing, either.

I agree.
I think whoever did it
should be reprimanded.

I don't know
about prison.

I gotta go.
I'll keep you posted.

How is she?

The doctor's
still examining her.

I hope she's
all right. I feel
rotten about this.

Well, of course
you do, honey.
You did a terrible thing.

Do you ever think
of cheerleading?

Hey, she's not
upset with you.

All she's really
worried about is
missing school.

I'm going to make
this up to her.

Until she's back
on her feet,

I'm going to go to all
her classes and record
all her lectures.

Well, before you do that,
did you call her folks?

I called them.
I called her faculty advisor.
I called her ski coach.

I think I've called everybody
who would be affected
by this, in any way.

Hi, guys!
Leslie ready?

I don't think
I called Kirk.

I thought I'd be early,
but finding yellow roses
in winter

took me a lot longer
than I thought.

Where is she,
upstairs?

Yeah.

Kirk, there is
something we have
to tell you.

What?

Well, I am going
to tell this to you
the quickest way I know how.

Finishing a book
has always been
a big deal to me.

Dick!

Leslie won't be
able to go out
with you tonight.

What?

She had an accident.

What?

A skiing accident.
She hurt her leg.

What?

She's upstairs
with the doctor,

and it looks like
she's gonna be laid
up for a few weeks.

What?

It was my fault.

I was excited about
finishing the book
this morning,

and I coaxed Leslie
into teaching me
how to ski.

And I slipped,
and I fell on her.

And I am sorry and
I hope you understand.

Oh, sure, I understand.
You were excited,
you wanted something to do,

you thought, "I've finished
my book, let's see whose
life I can ruin."

Kirk, it wasn't like that.

Do you know how long
I've waited for this?

Do you know what I
have gone through
to get ready for tonight?

We know, Kirk.

Just so I can come
over and hear you say,

"Ha, ha, ha, ha.
She's not going
out with you."

Well, I guess I
won't be needing these.

Thanks a lot, Dick.

You could've taken
them up to her room.

Thanks again!

Oh, Doctor,
how is she?

She's fine.
If she keeps off her feet
for the next few weeks,

the knee should
heal nicely.

Would one more night
up and around hurt?

Believe me,
she'll get
plenty of rest.

The main thing is,
will this affect
her skiing in any way?

Well, no,
it shouldn't.

Good.

Unless she wants to
be a world-class skier
or something.

That's what she's
in training to be.

Uh-oh.

Really?
Yes.

Well, in that case,
I can't make
any promises.

We'll just have
to wait and see.
I'm sorry.

(SIGHS)

Well, don't feel
bad, Dick.

She still has her
career as a maid.

Excuse me,
is this the right room for

"The Reformation
Church and its effect on

"16th century Roman
Catholic doctrine"?

That's the rumor.
Can I help you?

If it isn't too much trouble,
could you point out Professor
Fasil when he arrives?

She's arrived.

Oh. I'm sorry.

I'm Dick Loudon
and if it's okay,

I'd like to sit in for
one of your students,
Leslie Vanderkellen.

Where is she?

She was hurt in
a skiing accident.

Oh, no!
Was it serious?

We don't know yet.

Oh, no.
How'd it happen?

It was my fault.

Look, if it's okay with you,
I'll just sit off to the side
and record the lecture.

I don't want to make
a big deal out of this.

Well, this is
just awful.

What's awful?

Leslie's had
a skiing accident.

Oh, no.
How did it happen?

This man says that
it was his fault.

Oh, yeah?
Who are you?

I'm Dick Loudon.
Leslie works for me.

What'd you
do to her?

I fell on her.

You fell on her?

Fell on who?

PROFESSOR FASIL: Leslie!
What are you
talking about?

This guy fell
on Leslie while
she was skiing.

Oh, no!
Is she all right?

Is who all right?
Leslie!

What's wrong with her?
She's had
a skiing accident.

Who's had a
skiing accident?

Leslie!

This guy fell on her.

Oh, no!
Oh, no!

Here are the
reports you wanted.

Did you hear
about Leslie?
What about it?

Let him tell you.

Look, I didn't want
to make a big deal
out of this.

Hey, what's
going on?

Maybe I'll
tell this just
one more time

and we'll get it
out of the way.

I forced Leslie
into going skiing
with me,

and I don't know
what I am doing,

and being the clumsy
idiot that I am,

I fell on her and
I sprained her leg

and maybe ruined
her whole life.

PROFESSOR FASIL: Well, I think
we'd better all take our
seats. We do have work to do.

STUDENT: I don't think
he should be allowed
to stay in our class.

(STUDENTS MUTTERING)

What a jerk.

All right.
All right.

Now, when we
left each other
last Thursday,

we were discussing
Pope Julius III and
the Council of Trent.

What's this
I just heard
about Leslie?

I'm sorry,
did I wake you?

Yes.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Just wanted to
leave you a note.

So, how's your leg?

Fine.

Really?

Yeah, as long as I
don't move or touch it.

I brought back
your tape recorder.

Was it a good lecture?

Yeah, the first
part's a little choppy.

People kept coming in,
wondering what I
had done to you.

It's amazing how a whole class
of theology students can be
that unforgiving.

I'm sorry you had
to go through that.

I'm sorry you had
to go through this.

Oh, which reminds me...

I brought you
something.

What for?

What for?

Leslie, I fell
on your leg.

I mean,
I caused you a lot
of pain and trouble.

And I may have ruined
your whole skiing career.

I just... I just
wanted to make it
up to you.

So you bought me
a box of chocolates?

Somehow it seemed
like a bigger gesture
at the time.

Really, that's sweet.

I just wanted you to know
how badly I feel.

I know you do,
but I wish
you'd stop it.

Dick, you and Joanna
have been terrific to me.

You both really
care about me,
and I appreciate that.

I wish I'd cared
about you enough

to get somebody else
to go skiing with me.

Dick, do you realize
that up until now,

I've never had one
thing wrong with me
in my whole life?

I've never been
a gram overweight.

I've never had a cavity.

I've never even
had a pimple.

Are you saying
you had this coming?

No! I'm saying,
"Why me?"

Well, I just wanted you
to know I hope you get
better because

I'm planning on
going to the Olympics

and see you win
that gold medal.

Why don't you get
some rest and I'll
see you tomorrow?

Okay.

I brought you
some coffee, honey.

I don't deserve
any coffee.

Oh, you deserve this.

Dick, Leslie is
doing fine.

The X-rays turned
out negative,

and Doctor Adamson's
up there now,

and he says it looks
like she's not going
have any trouble.

I am not going to rest
until she walks
down those stairs.

Yeah, sure will be
nice to have Leslie
up and around again.

Smiling, laughing,
making coffee.

Well, I guess I'll
go up and see how
they are doing.

By the way,
did I tell you that
I bought a new snow shovel?

No, no, you didn't.

Yep, I am never going
to lose this one.

I got it locked up in
the cab of my truck.

Sounds like
a safe place.

By the way,
have you seen
the keys to my truck?

Well,
I'll keep looking.

Hi, Dick.

Hi, Kirk.

I don't know if you've
noticed, but I haven't
been around the last few days.

It's been nine days.

Actually, I've been around,
I just haven't been
around you.

I was mad.

That's what I figured.

It's an immediate reaction
when someone mangles
the thing you love.

But I've thought about it,
and I am over it now.

Good.

No hard feelings?

No hard feelings.

I'm not ready to
shake your hand.

Oh, hi, Kirk.
I didn't know you were here,
but I am glad.

I want you both
to see something.

She's up?
Ta-da!

She's on crutches.

That's it! It's over!
She'll never ski again.

Happy now, dream killer?

Why is she
on crutches?

So she won't
fall down.

You said she'd be
on her feet again.

Dick, I'm fine.

DICK: You're not fine,
you're a mess.

She's gonna be fine.

I'll only be on
these for a week or so.

There is absolutely
no permanent damage
to her knee.

She will ski
as well as ever.

You're not just
saying that to make
me feel better?

Mr. Loudon, your feelings
are of no concern to me.

My only concern
is with her knee,
and it's fine.

You really think you're
the center of the universe,
don't you, Dick?

Leslie, I'll see you
in my office
in another week.

Bye, Doc.
Bye.

Thank you,
Doc.

Yes, thank you for
everything, Doctor.

My pleasure.

Now, you're sure
you're all right?

Now do you believe me?
I can hug without pain.

Let me see.

Kirk!

She's fine.

Fine?
She's fantastic.

I can't breathe,
Kirk.

Sorry.

(LESLIE EXHALES)

Must feel really good
to be back on your feet,

or your foot
again after all that
time in bed.

It does.

If I don't hurry
I won't make my
2:30 class.

Class? Don't you think
you're rushing
things a little?

I can go to
class for you.

No, thanks, Dick.
I want to start doing
things on my own again.

How about my giving
you a ride to school?

You still haven't
seen my new car.

Terrific!

You're sure you're
not just putting up
a brave front?

Stay out of this,
Dick. I want her
in my car.

Really, you guys,
I'm fine. Believe me.

I had a minor setback
but I came through.

Nothing's changed.

I am exactly
the same person
I was before.

(DOOR CLOSING)

Now are you relieved?

Are you kidding?
I feel like celebrating.

What do you wanna do?

Well, we're
alone in the inn.
Why don't we go for it?

Go for what?

Let's clean the oven.