Original subtitles

This is gonna be a great Christmas. I know.

Dick and I have been dreaming about a Christmas in Vermont for years.

There's just something about it that seems warm and old-fashioned,

just like Christmas should be.

KIRK: ? I made a Christmas wish today

? Let me find a chick in Santa's sleigh ?

Hey! I've really got the spirit this year.

Up until now, so have we.

Are those Christmas cookies I smell?

Well, those haven't been baked yet.

They don't need to be. They're delicious just the way they are.

Kirk... Hmm?

...wouldn't you like to spit that out?

Spit what out?

You haven't swallowed the cookie.

Sure I have, and I loved it.

Would you excuse me for one minute? I just have to sneeze.

(FAKE SNEEZING)

So, can I count on all of us being together for Christmas tomorrow?

Sure.

Should we all cram into the Minuteman for burgers,

or should I just come over here?

Why don't you just come over here?

You know, this is gonna be the best Christmas I've ever had.

Me, too. I'm going home. What?

I'm going home. You're going home?

Yeah. What for?

To be with my family.

But this is Christmas.

Kirk, Christmas is traditionally a time

when people want to be with their families.

I don't. I want to be with Leslie.

Christmas is a big deal with my family.

I really have to go home.

I'm going with you.

It's just family. I'll wait in the car.

I'm flying. I'll wait in the plane.

Kirk, we'll have a lovely Christmas here.

I won't.

Yes, you will. We'll have baked ham. We'll roast chestnuts.

We'll do all the things that make Christmas special.

Fine. But I'm gonna be drunk.

Well, we're off to get the tree.

JOANNA: Isn't this exciting?

We're gonna have our own fresh-cut Christmas tree.

George, I bet you know the best place to get one.

Well, the best place is Guy's Market,

but Dick has this thing about cutting down his own.

Well, it's just something I've always wanted to do.

You know, we'll hike out in the woods.

We'll smell the pine, breathe the fresh air.

I mean, this is the way people used to celebrate Christmas.

That was before they built Guy's.

Well, let's go. Kirk, you gonna go with us?

Sure, if you don't mind stopping on the way

for some cheap wine and a carton of cigarettes.

You don't smoke. I do now.

I take it you broke the news about going home.

Yeah.

Oh, honey, Mrs. Thomas called, and she confirmed all 24 members

of the Silver Bird Ski Club for this afternoon.

So we're gonna have a full house for Christmas.

Great. Sounds like everything's working out perfectly.

Oh, I almost forgot. Your mother's fruitcake arrived.

You throw it out? Yeah.

Good. Well, we'll see you later.

Well...

Christmas is really stupid.

I think that does it.

Joanna is gonna love this tree.

You know, every year in New York she used to go crazy

decorating our apartment.

I just can't wait to see what she does with this.

Good grief. Oh, there you are.

What do you think of it? Dick, that's a whole tree.

Isn't it everything you ever dreamed of?

It's twice anything I ever dreamed of.

Honey, why'd you have to cut down such a big one?

Uh, we didn't cut this down.

Then where did you get it?

Guy's.

Dick, I don't have enough decorations for that tree.

Honey, you'll do a great job.

I mean, you always did with our trees in New York.

Our trees in New York were two and a half feet high

and sat on top of a television set.

This tree looks like it should be in Rockefeller Center.

Yeah, it's a beaut, isn't it?

So, who's gonna take me to the airport?

I will.

We'd better take the truck.

The roads could be bad, the way it's snowing out there.

Wow! Your tree looks great.

But, Joanna, it's gonna take you forever to decorate it.

No. With what I've got, it should take me about five minutes.

Well, I guess this is goodbye.

We're gonna miss you.

But you have a wonderful time.

Thanks. I will.

Merry Christmas, Dick. Same to you.

Kirk?

Yeah?

I'm going home now.

I know.

Merry Christmas.

Please let me go home with you.

Don't leave me here with them.

I'm ready, George. Okay.

Wow, it's cold. Hi.

MAN: Merry Christmas. JOANNA: Merry Christmas to you.

Boy, is it great to be inside.

It's snowing so bad you can hardly see out there.

But all this fresh powder should be great for skiing.

Assuming it stops.

Oh, don't say that. It's got to stop.

It's the whole reason we're here.

You must be the Silver Birds.

Yeah, the rest of us are outside unloading the bus.

Well, hi, everybody. I'm Joanna Loudon. This is my husband, Dick.

It's so nice to have all of you here.

It's nice to be here.

We didn't think we'd make it. They're closing the roads.

Oh, George, we'd better hurry if we're gonna get to the airport.

You'd better call first. It's turning into a blizzard out there.

I'm not sure any planes are gonna be leaving.

What?

Oh, no. What if I can't get home?

Then I'd say praying works.

Let's not panic yet.

Dick, why don't you check in the Silver Birds?

I'll call the airport. Come on, Leslie, we'll use the phone in the study.

Say, it would be a shame if all this snow keeps Leslie from getting home.

Oh, I didn't realize the airport was closed.

Well, when do you think it'll reopen?

Of course, when it stops snowing, yes.

I mean, do you know when that will be?

Oh, I see.

Are you two together?

We can be.

No, we can't.

Well, why don't you take room five and you take room...

Six?

Eleven.

Oh. What's the word?

I'm stuck. The airport's closed.

I'm not going home for Christmas.

Joy to the world! Let me grab your bags.

Look out. Gangway. Leslie can't go home.

Look out. Gangway. Leslie can't go home.

Look out. Gangway...

Well, that didn't take long.

This is awful. No, it isn't awful.

It'll look better with the lights on.

All right, I'm gonna turn off the lights in the lobby.

George, you plug in the tree lights on the count of three.

This is gonna be beautiful.

One, two, three.

DICK: Are you sure those are all the decorations you have?

Maybe popcorn would help.

It might. Everything looks better on a full stomach.

George, she meant to string on the tree.

We're never gonna ski.

We're gonna sit on our duffs this whole vacation.

No, you won't. I'm sure the snow will let up

and you'll be able to ski.

How do you know that? I don't.

I just made that up.

But, I mean, it's Christmas Eve.

I think we ought to think positive.

Well, I just told my parents I'm not coming home for Christmas.

This is just turning into a terrible Christmas.

No, it isn't.

It is if you want to ski.

All right, look, maybe things haven't turned out

as perfectly as we wanted them, but...

I mean, maybe we don't have enough decorations to go on the tree,

and maybe Leslie isn't gonna get home,

and maybe the ski club won't go skiing,

but, I mean, it's still Christmas Eve.

This is still New England and we're still together.

I don't even have a place to stay. You rented my room.

Leslie, you're welcome to stay at my place

and if that makes you feel uncomfortable,

we can get married.

(SIGHS)

Kirk, we'll find her a room.

I just can't believe I'm not gonna be with my family for Christmas.

Leslie, look, I know how you feel,

but I'm not gonna see my family

and George isn't gonna see his family.

Well, I don't have a family.

You must have some family. No.

No parents? Brothers? Sisters?

No.

No aunts? Uncles? Cousins?

No.

You mean you're all alone in the world?

I'm all alone in the world.

George, I'm sorry.

I can't believe it. I'm all alone in the world.

Good, Joanna. Now they're both depressed.

I just thought of something else.

If the airport's closed, that means your parents can't get in either.

You're really on a roll, you know that?

This is a terrible Christmas.

Hey, look, everybody, quit saying that.

This could be a great Christmas.

It would take a miracle to make this a great Christmas.

Boy, it's cold out there.

Can I help you?

My wife and I were trying to get home, but all the roads are blocked.

Is there any chance you could put us up?

I'm sorry, we're overbooked as it is.

He could stay with me. I'm all alone in the world.

I mean, if I had something, I'd give it to you, but...

I mean, it's Christmas Eve and there's no room at the inn.

What did they say, Joe? Can they put us up?

You're pregnant.

I know.

Let me get this straight. This is Christmas Eve and

you show up with a pregnant wife and there's no room at the inn.

You know, I thought about that, too. It's kind of close, isn't it?

But she's not due for two weeks.

Listen, you'll take our room. You're kidding.

No, that's a wonderful idea.

Oh, we wouldn't want to put you out.

On behalf of innkeepers everywhere, I think we owe you one.

Leslie, why don't you show them where our room is?

We really appreciate this.

Yeah, really. Thanks a lot.

Thank you. Thank you. Thanks.

Is this your first baby? Yes.

Any names picked out?

Well, if it's a boy, Abraham or Isaiah.

If it's a girl, Tammy.

Listen, Dick, if you and Joanna need a place to stay...

We know, George.

I just heard on the radio they closed all the ski lifts for tomorrow.

(ALL GROANING)

Well, that's it! You can throw this Christmas in the trash.

You know, I don't believe our luck!

We're sorry.

Joanna, you don't have to apologize.

I'm sure they're not blaming us.

Hey, just because we're snowed in doesn't mean we still can't have fun.

I don't know. I don't even have a TV in my room.

There's no TV in any of the rooms.

You think this Christmas is bad?

Picture growing up in an orphanage in Nova Scotia.

You grew up in an orphanage in Nova Scotia?

I didn't say that. I said picture it.

Anyway, I know a guaranteed spirit-lifter.

Let's have a tree-trimming party!

We don't have anything to trim a tree with.

I'm surprised you even have a tree.

Probably grew there.

I have souvenirs over at the cafe. We can use those.

You have Kewpie dolls and rubber alligators.

I mean, it's all junk.

Fine, Dick. You're the one with 24 angry guests.

All right, get your junk.

I'm hungry.

Yeah, me, too.

Uh, what time is dinner?

(STUTTERING) We don't serve dinner.

Actually, what I mean to say... We almost never serve dinner

but, I mean, since it is Christmas Eve and

since you're all being such good sports,

I'm sure we can whip something up.

Dick, could I see you in the dining room, please?

Oh, what do you know? They have a dining room.

Dick, I don't have enough dinner for 24 people.

All I have is what we were going to have.

My Christmas ham?

I guess I could make ham omelets.

Not with my ham.

I could dice it.

Not my ham, you couldn't.

Honey, they're our guests. We can't just give them eggs.

Joanna, baked ham on Christmas Eve is my favorite meal

of the entire year.

But what about those people out there?

It's Christmas. I don't care about the people out there.

Well, I just got the pregnant couple settled in your room.

They were wondering if there was anything to eat.

Dice my ham.

Leslie, you start setting tables.

Honey, you better try calling your parents again.

All right. I'll go in the kitchen

and start cracking seven dozen eggs.

I think I'll scramble them in the sink.

Uh, dinner will be ready soon. Just relax and do whatever you like.

(SLOW CHRISTMAS CAROL PLAYING ON RADIO)

George?

What are you doing here?

(MUSIC STOPS)

I wanted to be alone.

George, I know you're feeling bad because you don't have any family,

but I don't want you to think, you know, that you're alone.

I'm not?

Well, you know, a lot of people don't have family, but...

I mean, the main thing is, even though you don't have blood relatives,

you know, you still have us.

That's true.

And just think of us as your family.

Do you think of me as your family?

Sure.

Do you love me?

You're a nice guy.

Gee, Dick, thanks.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to call my parents.

Don't you mean our parents?

I can't believe I'm going to spend three days in this godforsaken place

with nothing to do.

There must be something to do.

Haven't they got any games?

Uh, I've got a deck of cards I use for playing solitaire

but that would only give one person something to do.

Why don't you get them anyway?

(KIRK SHIVERING)

Here are the decorations and there are plenty more where these came from.

Come on, let's get with it! This is the season to be jolly.

Okay, you're down about not being able to ski,

but I've got my woman, I'm feeling good,

and you're not going to spoil it, okay?

So let's get into the spirit and start decorating this tree.

Maybe he's got a point.

Might as well. We've got nothing better to do.

Okay, now, who wants to be the first to hang a crab?

No, no, no. You've got all the alligators bunched together.

Mix them in with some postcards.

Come on! We're trying to make this nice.

Well, what do you think?

Well, I always thought lobsters were more Christmassy,

but if crabs are the only thing you've got...

Hey, don't knock it, Dick. It took their minds off the weather.

Hey, check this out.

We can light the tree with all these little pocket flashlights.

You've thought of everything.

Yeah.

Want to hang a gator?

Excuse me. Mr. Loudon?

Can I see you for a minute?

Sure.

What is it? I know this is a bad time,

and you and Mrs. Loudon have been so nice.

I'd hate to take advantage,

but I think my wife is about to have the baby.

Now? You just checked in.

Sorry.

I thought you said she wasn't due for another two weeks.

Well, she's trying not to, but we're pretty sure that this is it.

All right, don't panic. Just stay calm.

Joanna!

What's the matter? Nothing. Everything is fine.

What is it? We need your help. It's an emergency.

Everything is fine. What's going on?

My wife is about to have the baby.

I thought she wasn't due for two weeks.

Merry Christmas. Oh! Oh, my God!

All right, now, don't panic. Just stay calm.

All right, you're the woman. What do we do?

We call a doctor.

The roads are all closed. No one can get through.

Then you're going to have to do it. Do what?

Deliver the baby. Can you deliver a baby?

Of course I can't.

All right. Everyone? Um...

I know this may sound crazy, but...

Would any of you be a doctor?

Kirk!

Sorry. Reflex.

All of you are doctors?

Yeah. It's a doctor ski club. Why?

This man's wife is about to have a baby.

Great! Something to do!

What time is it?

Almost 4:00.

When we talked about Christmas in Vermont,

I never dreamed we'd be spending it like this.

Hey, there are a couple more omelets out there if anyone wants them.

George, how can you still be eating omelets left over from last night?

It's pretty good once you pick out the chunks of ham.

Pick a card.

I'm too tired, Kirk.

Pick a card, Dick.

Okay, I'll pick one for you.

What is it?

Ten of clubs.

Okay.

Put it back anywhere in the deck.

There's your card.

That is the dumbest card trick I have ever seen.

It's the only one I know.

I'd like to see that again.

Hey, everybody! Guess what?

Your wife had the baby. You've got it.

What is it? It's a Tammy.

JOANNA: Congratulations! You must be so happy.

How's your wife?

She's fine. She wanted me to thank all of you.

Let's face it, this could have been a real disaster.

We could have been out on that road for who knows how long.

Instead we found this inn and you and 24 attending physicians.

It's incredible! I wish I had some cigars to pass out.

I've got some over at the cafe.

You've done enough already.

Can't argue with that.

Listen, I'd better get back up and be with my wife.

I just wanted to come and thank you again.

The minute the baby's ready, I'll bring her down so you can see her.

Good! We can't wait.

Oh, this is a wonderful moment, isn't it, Dick?

Yes, it is, George.

What a night.

You know something? I'm glad I didn't miss it.

You know,

this may not have been exactly what we planned,

but when you talk about authentic old-fashioned Christmases,

this is about as close as you're going to get.

You know what I'd like to do right now?

I'd like to turn off all the lights except the ones on the Christmas tree.

I'll do it.

GEORGE: It's funny.

All of a sudden, it looks kind of pretty.

DICK: You know? It does, at that.

KIRK: ? I made a Christmas wish today

? Let me find a chick in Santa's sleigh ?

(SIGHING)

There's your card.

One more time.

Honey?

Merry Christmas.

What is it? I saved you a slice of ham.

And all I got for you were diamond earrings.

Excuse me. Hi.

My car is stuck in the snow about a half a mile from here.

I wonder if you could maybe tell me

if I might call somebody who could help me out.

Well, there's a 24-hour towing service.

Let me call them for you. Oh, great. Thanks a million. Thank you.

What's your name? Allen Wiseman.

My two brothers are still in the car.