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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
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Dear Noah R. Gutman,
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thank you for choosing to participate
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in our beta test of Tellr.
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Here at Tellr Laboratories,
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we strive to create
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a better way for people to communicate,
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and your experience with Tellr
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will help us toward that goal.
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in this package, you will find:
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this letter,
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one Tellr pill,
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a photograph of the fellow
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beta tester that you will be
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going on a blind date with.
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You are to meet her today,
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June 21st, 2020,
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at three o'clock P.M.
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at the following location:
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Prospect Park, 9th Street Entrance,
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at 9th Street and Prospect Park West,
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Brooklyn, New York, 11215.
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Please swallow the Tellr pill with water
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at least one hour before meeting her.
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Once you are within the boundaries of the park
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and are within ten feet of each other,
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the Tellr...
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the Tellr nanocells should automatically
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sync and become operational,
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and will remain operational within
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the boundaries of the park
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for four hours.
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Please remain in the park on your date
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for those entire four hours.
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That's about it!
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We hope you have a pleasant time,
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and above all else, be yourself.
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Sincerely, all of us at Tellr laboratories.
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Hey! Whoa, that's weird.
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- Hey. Yeah! Oh my god. Wow.
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- I'm sorry I was late.
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- It's fine, no worries.
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- Wow, this is so weird.
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- I know.
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- I can't believe it works.
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- Yeah, it's crazy.
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- It's like, it feels like the future right now,
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like, we're in the future right now,
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the present feels like the future, you know?
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- Totally.
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- So weird.
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- Do you wanna walk around?
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- Yeah, sure.
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- Cool.
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- Mute date, here we go!
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- Here we go.
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So yeah, it’s
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like a marketing company, kind of.
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Basically we like, make videos and do social media
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and stuff for brands.
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And I do graphic design there, I do like,
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graphics for videos
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and make memes and stuff.
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- That’s cool.
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- Yeah, I like it for the most part.
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Everyone’s pretty chill there.
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The pay isn’t great, but it’s fine.
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How about you, what do you do?
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- I do stand up, and like,
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odd jobs on the side,
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like, little things or whatever.
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But mostly just stand up.
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- Cool. Do you do it around the city?
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- Yeah, and like, out of town sometimes too.
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- Awesome.
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- I’ve done it like, upstate, and in Canada,
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- Awesome.
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- and a couple other places here and there.
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- So, what’s, like,
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how would you describe your comedy?
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- I guess, like... jokes?
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- Jokes?
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- That came out wrong.
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- A comedian that tells jokes. That’s very unique.
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- Yeah. Nah, I mean like...
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like, one-liners. Do you know what one-liners are?
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- Yes, I know what one-liners are.
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- Some people don’t!
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I didn’t mean it like
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I thought you were stupid or anything.
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- Oh, wow, okay,
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I wasn’t even thinking that,
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but now I guess I have to.
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- No! I mean like... ugh.
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- I’m teasing. So, you’re a one-liner comedian?
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- Yeah. Yes.
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- Does the audience ever get sick
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of your one line?
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- Oh man. That’s good.
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I like that. That’s funny.
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- Thank you. Maybe I’ll become a comedian
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with two lines and I’ll put you out of business.
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- Yeah, like, ‘hey, that guy with that
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one line all the time, screw that guy,
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this lady’s got two lines’.
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- ‘Yeah, she’s got a whole other line.’
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- ‘Yeah, she’s twice as good.’
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- ‘Yeah.’
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This park’s cool.
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- Yeah.
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- So, how did you hear about Tellr?
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- Uh,
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well, I got like, an e-mail or whatever,
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and, like, I thought it was spam
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or fake or something,
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and then I searched ‘Tellr’,
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and I went to their website,
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and it seemed interesting and real apparently,
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so I went back to the e-mail
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and I clicked the link in it,
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and I did the questionnaire, and I got picked.
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- Same.
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- Word.
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- It’s funny, it’s like,
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all this, like, it already feels
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really natural to me.
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- Yeah. Yeah, me too.
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It’s weird.
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It’s like better, almost.
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I don’t know. It’s...
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it's like typing, but faster.
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It’s like typing in the air really fast,
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but like, with your brain, and without text,
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yqou know?
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- Yeah, totally.
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- I dunno. I’d use it.
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Not all the time, but like,
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I could see myself using it.
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- Yeah, me too.
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- I mean, it’ll probably be
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crazy expensive or something,
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so, I probably wouldn’t even be able to afford it.
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- Yeah, it’ll probably be only
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super rich people that’ll be able to
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afford it and use it.
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But then like, I guess years down the line,
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everyone will have it, like cell phones.
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- Yeah, like,
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it just seems new and like it’ll be
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expensive right now,
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but, then one day, it’ll just be real common.
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- Yeah.
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- Yeah.
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- Do you wanna, like,
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find a guy with a cart or something
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and get something to eat?
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- Yeah, sure.
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- Cool.
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I mean, I wish we could eat at like,
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a restaurant or something.
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- Yeah.
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Yeah, it sucks that we have to stay in the park.
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- Yeah, it’s like we’re grounded or something.
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- Yeah.
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Yeah.
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- Please stay within the boundaries
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of the park for the entire four hours.
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Thank you.
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- That was weird.
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- Yeah.
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- Did you know it could do that?
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- No.
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- I guess they’re listening to
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whatever we’re saying.
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- Yeah. I mean,
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I guess that makes sense.
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Like, they’re doing their test or whatever.
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- They never really said they’d be
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listening in on us though, right?
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I don’t remember them saying they would be.
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- Yeah. I mean, I don’t know.
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I didn’t really read the fine print or anything.
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- I didn’t either.
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- I dunno. It seems like everything
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listens to everything these days.
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- Yeah.
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- I guess, like,
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don’t say your passwords or anything.
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- I mean, yeah, I was gonna.
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But now, I don’t know.
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- Yeah, it’s like, a good thing to do
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on a first date, I think. Say your passwords.
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- Yeah, making out, that’s like, third date.
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But sharing of passwords? First date, definitely.
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- Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
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- Yeah.
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Thank you for helping me explain
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what I wanted to the guy.
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You’re very good at like,
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pantomiming and pointing at stuff.
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- Thanks. Yeah, that was weird.
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I didn’t realize we wouldn’t be able
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to like, speak with our mouths
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while this was going on.
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- What if it never comes back?
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- Oh man. That would suck.
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- You’d have to like,
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become a mime or something.
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- qYeah, I would.
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- Now I almost wish we’d be
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rendered mute forever
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just so I could see your mime career.
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- Yeah. Yeah, maybe I’d have
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a better career as a mime, I dunno.
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- Maybe!
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- It’s possible.
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- Anything is possible.
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- It’s true.
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I wonder why they didn’t give this to like,
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actual mute people to try out instead.
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- I know, right? Like, this technology is
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totally being wasted on us boring normal people
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that have been talking all our lives.
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- Yeah, exactly.
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- We should, like, puke up our pills and go
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give them to some people who could
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actually use them.
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- Yeah, totally.
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- For your own safety, please do not
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at any time attempt to remove your
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Tellr nanocells, which are currently circulating
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through your bloodstream.
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Only a Tellr-authorized doctor is able to
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perform such a procedure.
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- I was joking!
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- Ha. Busted.
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- Shut up, I was obviously joking!
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This thing is so BLEEP-ing dumb.
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- Whoa.
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- Holy BLEEP! What the BLEEP!
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- Wow.
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- Is this seriously what
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the future is gonna be like? Everyone’s curses
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are just gonna be bleeped all the time?
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- That’s crazy.
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- Yeah, I really don’t like that.
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That’s way too creepy future for me.
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- Yeah.
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- Yo, if y’all are listening right now,
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don't do that, take that out,
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cause that's not gonna fly,
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people are not gonna like that.
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- Profanity settings modified.
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Please test and confirm modification.
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- Um... fuck, shit, ass, cock, cunt.
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- Profanity settings modification confirmed.
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- That’s better.
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- Yeah that’s good.
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- That was funny, you were all,
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‘fuck, ass, shit, cock’,
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and your face was all serious.
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- I was just saying my password.
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- Oh man. That was great.
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That was such a good callback.
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- Thank you.
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- You know, you’re really funny.
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- Yeah?
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- Yeah.
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- Thanks. I haven’t decided if you are yet.
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- Oh yeah?
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- Yeah! You’re not like,
272
00:11:53,083 --> 00:11:54,583
doing any jokes or anything.
273
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:55,875
I wanna hear your jokes.
274
00:11:55,875 --> 00:11:57,208
- I’m eating.
275
00:11:57,208 --> 00:11:58,542
- That’s no excuse,
276
00:11:58,542 --> 00:12:00,125
we’ve got these things in us.
277
00:12:00,125 --> 00:12:01,875
- I know, that’s the joke.
278
00:12:01,875 --> 00:12:03,708
- Well, I wanna hear a real joke,
279
00:12:03,708 --> 00:12:05,041
like, a stand up joke.
280
00:12:05,041 --> 00:12:06,333
- Okay, when we stand up,
281
00:12:06,333 --> 00:12:08,834
I’ll do that same joke again.
282
00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:10,500
- You’re no fun.
283
00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:12,583
- Alright, I’ll tell you one of my actual
284
00:12:12,583 --> 00:12:14,375
stand up jokes when we stand up.
285
00:12:14,375 --> 00:12:15,834
- Just tell me one now!
286
00:12:15,834 --> 00:12:18,083
- I don’t like doing my jokes sitting down.
287
00:12:18,083 --> 00:12:19,542
I tried a set like that once
288
00:12:19,542 --> 00:12:20,917
and it just didn’t really work.
289
00:12:20,917 --> 00:12:22,208
- Fine. But when we get up,
290
00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:23,667
you better actually tell one.
291
00:12:23,667 --> 00:12:25,500
- I will, I promise.
292
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:27,667
- Actually, I know this perfect spot
293
00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:29,708
in this park for you to do a stand up joke.
294
00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:30,875
- Where?
295
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,708
- I’m not telling, let’s just eat.
296
00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:35,583
Oh man, this is gonna be perfect!
297
00:12:37,959 --> 00:12:39,875
- This is really awkward.
298
00:12:39,875 --> 00:12:41,917
- But it’s perfect!
299
00:12:41,917 --> 00:12:44,250
- People over there are looking at me.
300
00:12:44,250 --> 00:12:46,875
- So? They can’t hear us.
301
00:12:46,875 --> 00:12:48,375
- I almost wish they could.
302
00:12:48,375 --> 00:12:49,750
I feel like they’re waiting for me
303
00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:51,166
to do something, but when I do
304
00:12:51,166 --> 00:12:52,959
do something it’s not gonna look like
305
00:12:52,959 --> 00:12:54,792
I’m doing anything, and they’re just gonna
306
00:12:54,792 --> 00:12:56,750
still be staring at me like this,
307
00:12:56,750 --> 00:12:59,750
waiting for me to do something. It’s awkward.
308
00:12:59,750 --> 00:13:02,625
- Who cares, just do a joke!
309
00:13:02,625 --> 00:13:04,625
- Can I just come down and do one?
310
00:13:04,625 --> 00:13:07,708
- No! Do a joke!
311
00:13:07,708 --> 00:13:09,250
- Alright. Um...
312
00:13:09,250 --> 00:13:11,125
- Joke! Joke! Joke! Joke!
313
00:13:11,125 --> 00:13:14,500
- Alright, alright, alright. Here goes.
314
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:16,625
Jews are interesting.
315
00:13:16,625 --> 00:13:18,792
Jews love Chinese food.
316
00:13:18,792 --> 00:13:20,959
Jews love Chinese food so much
317
00:13:20,959 --> 00:13:22,917
that they’re willing to overlook the fact
318
00:13:22,917 --> 00:13:25,125
that the Chinese Checkers game board
319
00:13:25,125 --> 00:13:27,083
looks like a Star of David with a bunch
320
00:13:27,083 --> 00:13:29,166
of bullet holes in it.
321
00:13:29,166 --> 00:13:31,333
I’m surprised the Palestinians don’t use
322
00:13:31,333 --> 00:13:34,875
the Chinese Checkers game board as their flag.
323
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,834
- That wasn’t a one-liner.
324
00:13:39,834 --> 00:13:43,500
- Yeah. I do longer stuff too, I guess.
325
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:45,625
- Do a one-liner.
326
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:48,291
- Alright. Um.
327
00:13:48,291 --> 00:13:50,708
I think my cable box might be Jewish,
328
00:13:50,708 --> 00:13:53,875
cause whatever I DVR, it cuts the end off.
329
00:13:55,750 --> 00:13:57,417
- That’s funny.
330
00:13:57,417 --> 00:13:59,875
- Circumcision joke.
331
00:13:59,875 --> 00:14:01,834
- I got it.
332
00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:04,291
- Feel free to laugh at any of these.
333
00:14:04,291 --> 00:14:06,500
- I said it was funny!
334
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:10,208
- I know, but like, laughter’s good too.
335
00:14:10,208 --> 00:14:13,500
- If I was at a comedy club, I woulda laughed.
336
00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:15,542
- Can I come down now?
337
00:14:15,542 --> 00:14:16,583
- That’s all?
338
00:14:16,583 --> 00:14:18,417
Ow.
339
00:14:18,417 --> 00:14:19,792
- ‘Ow’?
340
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:22,291
- Nothing, my stomach just cramped or something.
341
00:14:22,291 --> 00:14:24,250
Ow, that one was bad.
342
00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:25,375
- Are you okay?
343
00:14:25,375 --> 00:14:28,875
- I’m fine, I think I just need to lie down. Ow.
344
00:14:28,875 --> 00:14:31,250
- Hold on, I'm coming down.
345
00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:35,542
- Is it getting any better?
346
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:36,750
- Not really.
347
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,000
I’ll be fine, though,
348
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,667
I think it’s probably just cause I hadn’t
349
00:14:39,667 --> 00:14:41,708
eaten for a while and then I ate.
350
00:14:41,708 --> 00:14:44,458
This happens to me sometimes when I do that.
351
00:14:44,458 --> 00:14:46,375
- You sure it wasn’t the pretzel or something?
352
00:14:46,375 --> 00:14:48,291
Like, a bad pretzel?
353
00:14:48,291 --> 00:14:51,417
- Can pretzels be ‘bad’?
354
00:14:51,417 --> 00:14:53,291
- I don’t know.
355
00:14:53,291 --> 00:14:56,041
- I mean, I guess anything can be ‘bad’.
356
00:14:56,041 --> 00:14:57,959
- Do you feel nauseous?
357
00:14:57,959 --> 00:14:59,625
- Nah, it’s just like...
358
00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:02,625
sharp stabs in my abdomen.
359
00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:04,917
- Did you eat any knives today?
360
00:15:05,917 --> 00:15:08,667
- Ow. It hurts when I laugh.
361
00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:10,667
- Sorry.
362
00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:13,542
- It’s okay. I’m sorry this is happening.
363
00:15:13,542 --> 00:15:16,083
It’s annoying.
364
00:15:23,834 --> 00:15:26,125
What’s wrong?
365
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,625
The Tellr thing isn’t working?
366
00:15:33,291 --> 00:15:36,166
Try to speak from your mouth.
367
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,333
You can’t use either?
368
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,417
Um, if you’re hearing this right now,
369
00:15:45,417 --> 00:15:47,208
there’s something wrong with Noah’s thing,
370
00:15:47,208 --> 00:15:49,875
he can hear me but he can’t talk to me.
371
00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:53,291
- It is normal functionality to not be able
372
00:15:53,291 --> 00:15:55,917
to talk with one’s mouth during the beta test.
373
00:15:56,959 --> 00:15:58,625
- Right, I mean, I know that.
374
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,500
I mean that he can’t use the telepathy thing,
375
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:02,166
it’s broken or something.
376
00:16:02,166 --> 00:16:05,083
- Noah R. Gutman has been temporarily suspended
377
00:16:05,083 --> 00:16:08,083
from Tellr for engaging in hate speech.
378
00:16:08,083 --> 00:16:10,500
His suspension will continue for approximately
379
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:12,333
29 more minutes.
380
00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:14,333
- What!? What are you talking about?
381
00:16:14,333 --> 00:16:15,875
Ow!
382
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,458
- It is the policy of Tellr to police any speech
383
00:16:18,458 --> 00:16:21,125
which attacks on the basis of religion, race,
384
00:16:21,125 --> 00:16:24,250
orientation, disability, or gender.
385
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:26,166
- He didn’t do any of that!
386
00:16:26,166 --> 00:16:27,834
Wait, the Chinese checkers thing?
387
00:16:27,834 --> 00:16:29,125
That wasn’t hate speech!
388
00:16:29,125 --> 00:16:30,208
Ow!
389
00:16:30,208 --> 00:16:32,375
- Decisions on hate speech are final
390
00:16:32,375 --> 00:16:34,375
and are not allowed to be appealed.
391
00:16:34,375 --> 00:16:37,542
Would you like to appeal your own punishment?
392
00:16:39,542 --> 00:16:41,291
- What?
393
00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:43,083
- You are allowed to appeal the punishment
394
00:16:43,083 --> 00:16:44,667
you are currently receiving for
395
00:16:44,667 --> 00:16:46,291
engaging in bullying.
396
00:16:46,291 --> 00:16:48,417
Would you like to appeal it?
397
00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:52,875
- Bullying? What bullying?
398
00:16:52,875 --> 00:16:54,542
- You are currently experiencing
399
00:16:54,542 --> 00:16:56,750
physical discomfort as punishment for the
400
00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:59,542
emotional discomfort caused to Noah R. Gutman
401
00:16:59,542 --> 00:17:01,625
by your humiliation of him.
402
00:17:01,625 --> 00:17:03,750
- What? That’s crazy!
403
00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:06,875
I didn’t humiliate you, right?
404
00:17:06,875 --> 00:17:09,625
I didn’t humiliate him! He’s fine!
405
00:17:09,625 --> 00:17:12,000
- Your appeal has been denied.
406
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,291
- What?
407
00:17:13,291 --> 00:17:15,917
- Our records show that, as a result of your
408
00:17:15,917 --> 00:17:18,583
forcing of Noah R. Gutman to perform for you
409
00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:21,083
in an uncomfortable setting, and your subsequent
410
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:24,000
lack of laughter, Noah R. Gutman experienced
411
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,083
significant activity in his pregenual anterior
412
00:17:27,083 --> 00:17:30,250
cingulate cortex, the area of the brain associated
413
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:33,375
with humiliation. Your physical pain will continue
414
00:17:33,375 --> 00:17:35,291
for 22 more minutes.
415
00:17:35,291 --> 00:17:38,792
You have no further appeals.
416
00:17:38,792 --> 00:17:40,083
- What the fuck!
417
00:17:40,083 --> 00:17:42,125
We should just leave, right? Like, this is crazy.
418
00:17:42,125 --> 00:17:44,583
Fuck this shit, right?
419
00:17:46,708 --> 00:17:49,083
- Please do not continue to threaten abandonment
420
00:17:49,083 --> 00:17:51,500
of the beta test. Doing so may result in
421
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:53,959
additional time added to physical discomfort,
422
00:17:53,959 --> 00:17:56,166
increased severity of physical discomfort,
423
00:17:56,166 --> 00:17:57,792
or other penalties.
424
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:01,500
- This is so fucking stupid!
425
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:03,333
This is the worst fucking product ever,
426
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,917
what the fuck!
427
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,125
I can’t wait till this is over
428
00:18:06,125 --> 00:18:08,041
and I can give it one star.
429
00:18:08,041 --> 00:18:09,959
You know what, fuck this shit,
430
00:18:09,959 --> 00:18:13,250
we’re going, let’s go!
431
00:18:14,375 --> 00:18:16,792
- Warning. Due to persistent threats
432
00:18:16,792 --> 00:18:18,875
of abandonment of the beta test,
433
00:18:18,875 --> 00:18:21,333
boundary lock has now been activated.
434
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:23,208
You and your date have now been rendered
435
00:18:23,208 --> 00:18:25,625
physically incapable of exiting the boundaries
436
00:18:25,625 --> 00:18:29,291
of the beta testing area of Prospect Park
437
00:18:29,291 --> 00:18:31,542
until such beta test is over.
438
00:18:31,542 --> 00:18:34,458
Attempting to do so before such beta test is over
439
00:18:34,458 --> 00:18:36,875
will result in severe physical pain,
440
00:18:36,875 --> 00:18:39,083
possibly resulting in death.
441
00:18:39,083 --> 00:18:41,834
This warning absolves Tellr of any and all
442
00:18:41,834 --> 00:18:44,834
responsibility for harm experienced as a result
443
00:18:44,834 --> 00:18:46,625
of attempting to leave the beta testing area
444
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:48,208
before such beta testing is over.
445
00:18:48,208 --> 00:18:50,708
- Fuck you, fuck this.
446
00:18:53,083 --> 00:18:55,375
Alright, fuck, I guess we’ll wait until
447
00:18:55,375 --> 00:18:57,166
your suspension is over, and then we’ll put
448
00:18:57,166 --> 00:18:58,708
our heads together and we’ll
449
00:18:58,708 --> 00:19:00,875
figure this out, right?
450
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:05,667
Oh yeah! Duh.
451
00:19:05,667 --> 00:19:08,000
Type to me and we’ll communicate that way.
452
00:19:12,458 --> 00:19:14,417
Here, use mine.
453
00:19:22,041 --> 00:19:23,250
What the fuck!?
454
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:26,458
- To prevent any leaking of Tellr’s
455
00:19:26,458 --> 00:19:29,166
intellectual property, your devices have been
456
00:19:29,166 --> 00:19:31,708
disabled since the beginning of the beta test.
457
00:19:31,708 --> 00:19:34,208
Furthermore, any attempt after the beta test
458
00:19:34,208 --> 00:19:36,542
to discuss any portion of the beta test with
459
00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:38,917
anyone other than Tellr representatives will
460
00:19:38,917 --> 00:19:41,792
result in severe fines and possible jail time.
461
00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:49,458
- This is so fucking ridiculous.
462
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,834
Talk to you?
463
00:20:08,834 --> 00:20:10,250
I don’t have any ideas right now,
464
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,750
I’m as stumped as you are.
465
00:20:20,125 --> 00:20:21,333
I don’t know what time it is,
466
00:20:21,333 --> 00:20:23,083
I don’t have a watch.
467
00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:38,125
Oh! You just want me to talk to you
468
00:20:38,125 --> 00:20:41,458
to pass the time!
469
00:20:41,458 --> 00:20:44,125
Oh. Okay.
470
00:20:44,125 --> 00:20:46,875
I don’t know what to talk about.
471
00:20:48,834 --> 00:20:50,792
Talk about me?
472
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,583
Like, tell you about me? Alright...
473
00:20:54,583 --> 00:20:56,250
um, okay...
474
00:20:56,250 --> 00:20:58,583
I have a sister. I have a mom.
475
00:20:58,583 --> 00:21:02,500
My Dad is dead. My sister’s name is Ada.
476
00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:05,417
My mom’s name is Penelope.
477
00:21:05,417 --> 00:21:08,125
I like scones. Like, a lot.
478
00:21:08,125 --> 00:21:09,417
Olive scones.
479
00:21:09,417 --> 00:21:11,625
Which sounds like ‘I love scones’.
480
00:21:11,625 --> 00:21:12,625
I’ve always liked that:
481
00:21:12,625 --> 00:21:14,667
olive scones, ‘I love scones’.
482
00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:18,959
Right? Sounds so cool.
483
00:21:22,125 --> 00:21:24,000
Oh, you like olive scones too?
484
00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:28,458
Cool! Yeah! So good, right?
485
00:21:28,458 --> 00:21:30,583
Yeah, I love them.
486
00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:33,250
Um...
487
00:21:34,333 --> 00:21:36,291
I like looking at dogs,
488
00:21:36,291 --> 00:21:38,000
but I don’t like them in life.
489
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,917
Like, I think they’re great in image form,
490
00:21:39,917 --> 00:21:42,375
but in real life they kind of scare me.
491
00:21:42,375 --> 00:21:44,959
It’s like, they go too fast.
492
00:21:44,959 --> 00:21:47,125
Like, it’s like they’re in fast motion
493
00:21:47,125 --> 00:21:50,208
all the time, as compared to cats.
494
00:21:50,208 --> 00:21:53,208
Cats always look like they’re in normal motion.
495
00:21:53,208 --> 00:21:56,500
Dogs always look like fast motion to me.
496
00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:58,625
It creeps me out.
497
00:21:58,625 --> 00:22:00,834
Um...
498
00:22:00,834 --> 00:22:03,041
I like salted popcorn with no butter on it,
499
00:22:03,041 --> 00:22:05,125
with lemon squeezed on it.
500
00:22:05,125 --> 00:22:07,750
Lemon is really good on popcorn.
501
00:22:07,750 --> 00:22:11,417
Have you tried it? You gotta try it, it’s amazing.
502
00:22:11,417 --> 00:22:14,166
The salt cuts out like, the harshness of it,
503
00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:17,083
and it makes the popcorn taste amazing.
504
00:22:17,083 --> 00:22:20,959
Trust me, you gotta do it, you’ll never go back.
505
00:22:20,959 --> 00:22:23,625
Um... what else...
506
00:22:25,583 --> 00:22:28,208
I like looking at hockey on TV.
507
00:22:28,208 --> 00:22:30,500
I don’t know anything about it or anything,
508
00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:32,875
but, I like its presence.
509
00:22:32,875 --> 00:22:34,708
Sometimes I’ll just have it on while
510
00:22:34,708 --> 00:22:38,250
I’m doing whatever.
511
00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:41,041
How long do you think it’s been?
512
00:22:41,041 --> 00:22:43,041
Try talking.
513
00:22:43,041 --> 00:22:44,834
- Testing...
514
00:22:44,834 --> 00:22:46,041
Sweet!
515
00:22:46,041 --> 00:22:47,500
- Yay!
516
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:50,125
- Yay!
517
00:22:50,125 --> 00:22:53,417
Does your stomach still hurt?
518
00:22:53,417 --> 00:22:55,750
- Wow, I forgot all about my stomach.
519
00:22:55,750 --> 00:22:58,417
I guess it doesn’t. I don’t know when it stopped,
520
00:22:58,417 --> 00:23:02,458
I guess the talking took my mind off it.
521
00:23:02,458 --> 00:23:05,375
- I loved hearing all that. That was awesome.
522
00:23:05,375 --> 00:23:07,083
- Really?
523
00:23:07,083 --> 00:23:08,500
- Yeah, I’m like, kinda grateful
524
00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:10,291
for it happening, kind of.
525
00:23:10,291 --> 00:23:12,208
That, like, it meant I got to, like,
526
00:23:12,208 --> 00:23:14,166
sit and hear you talk and talk.
527
00:23:14,166 --> 00:23:16,000
I dunno. It was great.
528
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,500
- That’s good to hear.
529
00:23:17,500 --> 00:23:19,333
I felt like it was probably boring.
530
00:23:19,333 --> 00:23:21,917
- Not at all, it was awesome.
531
00:23:21,917 --> 00:23:24,458
- That’s good. I’m glad.
532
00:23:24,458 --> 00:23:26,417
- Like, I don’t know, but, like,
533
00:23:26,417 --> 00:23:29,125
do you wanna just not do anything?
534
00:23:29,125 --> 00:23:30,583
- What do you mean?
535
00:23:30,583 --> 00:23:32,417
- Like, do you wanna just, like,
536
00:23:32,417 --> 00:23:34,792
maybe let’s just talk and sit this out,
537
00:23:34,792 --> 00:23:36,917
instead of like, trying to figure out
538
00:23:36,917 --> 00:23:38,500
how to escape this.
539
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:40,542
I feel like I could talk to you for hours.
540
00:23:40,542 --> 00:23:42,291
I had so much I wanted to say while
541
00:23:42,291 --> 00:23:43,667
you were talking, about stuff you
542
00:23:43,667 --> 00:23:45,291
were saying and stuff.
543
00:23:45,291 --> 00:23:47,959
I just wanna talk and talk together.
544
00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:50,542
- Aw. I mean, yeah, I guess.
545
00:23:50,542 --> 00:23:52,458
But, do we have to just sit?
546
00:23:52,458 --> 00:23:53,834
- No, I mean, we can walk around,
547
00:23:53,834 --> 00:23:55,458
I just meant like, ‘sit it out’, like,
548
00:23:55,458 --> 00:23:57,166
as an expression, like,
549
00:23:57,166 --> 00:24:00,708
just wait this whole thing out.
550
00:24:00,708 --> 00:24:02,500
- Yeah, we can do that. Yeah.
551
00:24:02,500 --> 00:24:03,750
I wanna stretch my legs.
552
00:24:03,750 --> 00:24:05,917
I’m sick of sitting.
553
00:24:05,917 --> 00:24:09,041
- Yeah, that’s cool. I kinda have to pee.
554
00:24:09,041 --> 00:24:11,500
- Word, I think there was like,
555
00:24:11,500 --> 00:24:13,500
something back that way.
556
00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:16,000
We can walk that direction.
557
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,500
- Cool.
558
00:24:23,125 --> 00:24:24,417
- I’m really sorry,
559
00:24:24,417 --> 00:24:26,333
I could’ve sworn it was back this way.
560
00:24:26,333 --> 00:24:27,417
- What was it that you saw?
561
00:24:27,417 --> 00:24:28,667
Was it, like, a port-o-potty,
562
00:24:28,667 --> 00:24:30,166
or like, an actual bathroom, or...
563
00:24:30,166 --> 00:24:31,625
- A building or something.
564
00:24:31,625 --> 00:24:33,125
It looked official, like people would
565
00:24:33,125 --> 00:24:34,458
do stuff there and there would be
566
00:24:34,458 --> 00:24:36,041
a bathroom there or something.
567
00:24:36,041 --> 00:24:37,959
- Like a parks department building?
568
00:24:37,959 --> 00:24:39,500
- Yeah.
569
00:24:40,583 --> 00:24:41,792
What?
570
00:24:41,792 --> 00:24:43,542
- Dude, they’re not gonna let me pee there,
571
00:24:43,542 --> 00:24:45,583
they’re gonna be dicks.
572
00:24:45,583 --> 00:24:47,583
- You don’t know that.
573
00:24:47,583 --> 00:24:49,750
- I do. No one ever lets me pee places.
574
00:24:49,750 --> 00:24:51,542
I have shit pee luck.
575
00:24:51,542 --> 00:24:53,500
- Well, everyone always lets me pee places,
576
00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:55,375
so maybe my good pee luck will cancel out
577
00:24:55,375 --> 00:24:58,417
your shit pee luck.
578
00:24:58,417 --> 00:25:00,125
- I don’t know if I’m gonna make it there
579
00:25:00,125 --> 00:25:01,625
to find out.
580
00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:03,917
- You’re gonna pee your pants?
581
00:25:03,917 --> 00:25:05,083
- Can you just,
582
00:25:05,083 --> 00:25:06,750
can you turn around so I can just go pee
583
00:25:06,750 --> 00:25:09,208
over there or something?
584
00:25:09,208 --> 00:25:12,375
- What if a cop sees you and gives you a ticket?
585
00:25:12,375 --> 00:25:13,417
- I don’t know.
586
00:25:13,417 --> 00:25:16,834
I haven’t seen anyone around in a while, have you?
587
00:25:21,333 --> 00:25:23,708
- I don’t think so. But maybe it’ll be like when
588
00:25:23,708 --> 00:25:26,291
a cartoon looks both ways crossing the street,
589
00:25:26,291 --> 00:25:28,166
and there’s no cars, and then they step out
590
00:25:28,166 --> 00:25:31,208
to cross and they immediately get hit by a car.
591
00:25:31,208 --> 00:25:33,166
- Don’t scare me about this.
592
00:25:33,166 --> 00:25:35,458
- Why? Cause you’ll get too scared
593
00:25:35,458 --> 00:25:37,208
and pee your pants?
594
00:25:37,208 --> 00:25:38,917
- No, cause I won’t be able to pee.
595
00:25:38,917 --> 00:25:41,208
I’ll go try and pee and I’ll be thinking about
596
00:25:41,208 --> 00:25:42,750
a cop appearing out of nowhere
597
00:25:42,750 --> 00:25:45,250
and I won’t be able to pee.
598
00:25:45,250 --> 00:25:47,125
- Then you don’t really need to pee
599
00:25:47,125 --> 00:25:49,250
all that bad then, if you wouldn’t be able to.
600
00:25:49,250 --> 00:25:51,125
- You don’t know what you’re talking about.
601
00:25:51,125 --> 00:25:52,625
- Oh?
602
00:25:52,625 --> 00:25:54,500
- If you’re scared to pee, your body will just
603
00:25:54,500 --> 00:25:56,708
not pee even if it has to really bad,
604
00:25:56,708 --> 00:25:58,500
and then your bladder will just explode
605
00:25:58,500 --> 00:26:00,542
or something instead.
606
00:26:00,542 --> 00:26:01,917
- I don’t think your bladder would
607
00:26:01,917 --> 00:26:03,917
explode just from that.
608
00:26:03,917 --> 00:26:06,917
- It can. It’s a real thing.
609
00:26:06,917 --> 00:26:09,417
- I don’t think so, but, agree to disagree.
610
00:26:09,417 --> 00:26:11,750
Go pee.
611
00:26:11,750 --> 00:26:14,041
- Can you look the other way?
612
00:26:14,041 --> 00:26:15,542
- Yeah.
613
00:26:51,583 --> 00:26:55,542
Noah! Noah!
614
00:26:55,542 --> 00:26:59,041
Noah!
615
00:26:59,041 --> 00:27:01,208
Are you okay!?
616
00:27:06,375 --> 00:27:08,166
What’s wrong?
617
00:27:08,166 --> 00:27:09,583
- I don’t know.
618
00:27:09,583 --> 00:27:11,125
- What happened?
619
00:27:11,125 --> 00:27:13,333
- I went to pee, and I peed,
620
00:27:13,333 --> 00:27:18,166
and then, my, um, my penis started hurting,
621
00:27:18,166 --> 00:27:19,959
and then a little drop of blood started
622
00:27:19,959 --> 00:27:22,000
dripping out, and then when I saw that,
623
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,375
my hands got all weak and... I guess I fainted.
624
00:27:25,375 --> 00:27:28,083
- We need to get you to a hospital.
625
00:27:28,083 --> 00:27:30,917
Hello, if you can hear us, he needs a doctor!
626
00:27:30,917 --> 00:27:32,834
This is an emergency.
627
00:27:35,083 --> 00:27:38,083
- For your safety, Noah R. Gutman has been
628
00:27:38,083 --> 00:27:41,208
physically punished for indecent exposure.
629
00:27:42,375 --> 00:27:45,000
- What? He didn’t expose himself to me,
630
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,250
I didn’t see anything.
631
00:27:46,250 --> 00:27:48,875
This is bullshit, he had to pee!
632
00:27:48,875 --> 00:27:52,041
- Thank you for reporting an additional violation.
633
00:27:52,041 --> 00:27:54,583
Our nano algorithm was not able to detect
634
00:27:54,583 --> 00:27:57,250
the public urination, but as a result of
635
00:27:57,250 --> 00:28:00,125
your report, we will be able to administer
636
00:28:00,125 --> 00:28:02,125
appropriate further punishment.
637
00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:06,375
- Stop, what the fuck! This is insane,
638
00:28:06,375 --> 00:28:08,458
you can’t do that!
639
00:28:08,458 --> 00:28:10,750
- Indecent exposure and public urination
640
00:28:10,750 --> 00:28:14,041
are sexual offenses. Brief physical pain
641
00:28:14,041 --> 00:28:16,750
is minor punishment compared to the lifetime
642
00:28:16,750 --> 00:28:19,041
of discomfort he would experience were he
643
00:28:19,041 --> 00:28:21,708
to be registered as a sex offender with the state.
644
00:28:21,708 --> 00:28:25,208
- He’s not a sex offender!
645
00:28:25,208 --> 00:28:27,959
- Not with the state. But with us at Tellr,
646
00:28:27,959 --> 00:28:31,917
he now is. Rest assured, though: you are safe.
647
00:28:31,917 --> 00:28:34,458
He is of no threat to you for the rest of the date
648
00:28:34,458 --> 00:28:36,792
as any physical contact he has with you
649
00:28:36,792 --> 00:28:38,250
will result in him experiencing
650
00:28:38,250 --> 00:28:41,083
incapacitating physical pain.
651
00:28:47,792 --> 00:28:50,792
- Are you okay? Does it still hurt?
652
00:28:50,792 --> 00:28:53,500
- Not really. I dunno. I think I’m okay.
653
00:28:53,500 --> 00:28:54,792
- Let me help you up.
654
00:28:54,792 --> 00:28:55,792
- Don’t touch me!
655
00:28:55,792 --> 00:28:58,375
- Oh yeah, of course. I’m sorry.
656
00:29:09,667 --> 00:29:12,000
- At least I peed.
657
00:29:25,750 --> 00:29:27,875
- I’m sorry that I couldn’t find the place to pee
658
00:29:27,875 --> 00:29:29,542
that I saw. I’m such a fucking idiot with
659
00:29:29,542 --> 00:29:32,583
where to walk and navigation and stuff.
660
00:29:32,583 --> 00:29:34,834
- It’s okay. Don’t cry.
661
00:29:34,834 --> 00:29:36,792
- I just feel awful. I feel responsible for
662
00:29:36,792 --> 00:29:39,625
that happening to you and everything.
663
00:29:39,625 --> 00:29:42,375
- It’s fine, it’s not your fault.
664
00:29:42,375 --> 00:29:45,166
- This thing sucks so fucking much.
665
00:29:45,166 --> 00:29:47,792
- It definitely does.
666
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,333
- I’d uh, I’d pat you on the back
667
00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:55,750
to cheer you up if I could.
668
00:29:57,125 --> 00:29:58,959
- Thanks.
669
00:30:00,375 --> 00:30:01,875
Let’s not be over here anymore,
670
00:30:01,875 --> 00:30:03,458
I don’t really feel like standing
671
00:30:03,458 --> 00:30:05,417
right next to pee.
672
00:30:05,417 --> 00:30:07,333
- Fair enough.
673
00:30:19,542 --> 00:30:23,291
- Well, I found the building eventually, at least.
674
00:30:23,291 --> 00:30:25,333
- It's okay. You tried.
675
00:30:27,417 --> 00:30:29,792
Isn’t it funny these people have no idea
676
00:30:29,792 --> 00:30:31,834
we’re talking right now?
677
00:30:31,834 --> 00:30:34,834
- Or how bad at navigating I am.
678
00:30:41,208 --> 00:30:44,583
Does your, uh...
679
00:30:44,583 --> 00:30:46,333
does it still hurt?
680
00:30:46,333 --> 00:30:48,667
- Oh, no, It was just when it was happening
681
00:30:48,667 --> 00:30:50,417
that it hurt. I’m alright.
682
00:30:50,417 --> 00:30:51,708
- That’s good.
683
00:30:51,708 --> 00:30:53,333
I didn’t know if you were still hurting
684
00:30:53,333 --> 00:30:54,917
and were just being tough about it.
685
00:30:54,917 --> 00:30:57,500
Sucking it up and being a dude about it
686
00:30:57,500 --> 00:30:59,125
or whatever.
687
00:30:59,125 --> 00:31:01,959
- Ah, yeah, no. If I was still in pain,
688
00:31:01,959 --> 00:31:03,208
you’d definitely know.
689
00:31:03,208 --> 00:31:05,208
I’m kind of a baby, I dunno.
690
00:31:05,208 --> 00:31:07,959
- Ah, see, I had pegged you as a manchild,
691
00:31:07,959 --> 00:31:10,166
but it turns out you’re a manbaby.
692
00:31:10,166 --> 00:31:13,667
- A manbaby. Yeah. Exactly. I mean, yeah,
693
00:31:13,667 --> 00:31:16,041
I like breasts, so that works.
694
00:31:16,959 --> 00:31:19,125
- You’re a breast man...
695
00:31:19,125 --> 00:31:21,875
- I guess, yeah.
696
00:31:21,875 --> 00:31:24,834
- A breast manbaby, rather.
697
00:31:24,834 --> 00:31:27,375
- Yeah, I like breasts and I cry a lot,
698
00:31:27,375 --> 00:31:30,417
so, yeah, that works, I’ll take that.
699
00:31:30,417 --> 00:31:32,667
- Do you really cry a lot?
700
00:31:32,667 --> 00:31:35,125
- I don’t know. I mean, I was making a joke.
701
00:31:35,125 --> 00:31:36,792
- I know, but did you base the joke
702
00:31:36,792 --> 00:31:39,375
on your actual life?
703
00:31:39,375 --> 00:31:41,708
- I don’t know. I guess. I mean,
704
00:31:41,708 --> 00:31:44,667
sometimes I cry. Everybody cries.
705
00:31:44,667 --> 00:31:46,500
- That’s true.
706
00:31:46,500 --> 00:31:48,625
- I don’t really think about if I do or don’t
707
00:31:48,625 --> 00:31:51,458
cry a lot. I just cry sometimes. I don’t know.
708
00:31:52,375 --> 00:31:54,208
- Do breasts have to be really big or else
709
00:31:54,208 --> 00:31:56,250
you’re not interested?
710
00:31:56,250 --> 00:31:59,458
- Wow. Segue. Lack thereof.
711
00:31:59,458 --> 00:32:02,417
- Sorry. The cry stuff was getting sad.
712
00:32:02,417 --> 00:32:03,834
- My bad.
713
00:32:03,834 --> 00:32:05,667
- I’ve just always been curious, like,
714
00:32:05,667 --> 00:32:07,875
if someone is a ‘breast man’, then if a girl
715
00:32:07,875 --> 00:32:09,166
doesn’t have big breasts,
716
00:32:09,166 --> 00:32:11,458
are you just not interested?
717
00:32:11,458 --> 00:32:13,625
- Um, I dunno, I feel like that’s kind of
718
00:32:13,625 --> 00:32:16,166
a misconception. Like, people think if you’re
719
00:32:16,166 --> 00:32:17,792
a breast man, or an ass man,
720
00:32:17,792 --> 00:32:19,500
you’re just interested in big breasts,
721
00:32:19,500 --> 00:32:23,333
or big asses, but, like, I like all breasts.
722
00:32:23,333 --> 00:32:26,542
I just like nice breasts of any size and shape.
723
00:32:26,542 --> 00:32:30,375
I just like the look of breasts. I dunno.
724
00:32:30,375 --> 00:32:32,083
- That makes sense.
725
00:32:32,083 --> 00:32:33,834
- It’s just, like, a preference thing.
726
00:32:33,834 --> 00:32:35,625
Like, desert island or whatever,
727
00:32:35,625 --> 00:32:37,083
if I had to pick one or the other,
728
00:32:37,083 --> 00:32:39,083
I’d choose breasts.
729
00:32:39,083 --> 00:32:41,417
- As in a body part of a woman to take
730
00:32:41,417 --> 00:32:43,208
with you onto a desert island?
731
00:32:43,208 --> 00:32:44,917
Are you a serial killer?
732
00:32:44,917 --> 00:32:47,375
Ha! Yeah, exactly. Just, like, a suitcase
733
00:32:47,375 --> 00:32:49,291
with a pair of chopped off breasts in it.
734
00:32:49,291 --> 00:32:50,834
That’s brilliant.
735
00:32:50,834 --> 00:32:52,000
- Thank you.
736
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:53,917
- You know, I feel like you could do stand up
737
00:32:53,917 --> 00:32:55,667
if you wanted to.
738
00:32:55,667 --> 00:32:56,834
- Yeah?
739
00:32:56,834 --> 00:32:58,792
- Yeah, like, you’re funny and stuff.
740
00:32:58,792 --> 00:33:00,375
You’re quick.
741
00:33:00,375 --> 00:33:02,125
- I feel like it’s just coming out cause
742
00:33:02,125 --> 00:33:03,291
I’m taking to a comedian.
743
00:33:03,291 --> 00:33:04,834
Like, my brain just wants to think of
744
00:33:04,834 --> 00:33:07,166
funny stuff to say. I can’t turn it off.
745
00:33:07,166 --> 00:33:09,333
- Word. Well, you’re good.
746
00:33:09,333 --> 00:33:11,208
- Thanks, I mean—
747
00:33:12,834 --> 00:33:14,458
- What?
748
00:33:15,458 --> 00:33:18,708
You’re kidding me. Now they turned you off?
749
00:33:18,708 --> 00:33:20,667
Um, you turned Erica off,
750
00:33:20,667 --> 00:33:23,000
why did you turn Erica off?
751
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,458
- Erica Peters has been temporarily suspended
752
00:33:25,458 --> 00:33:28,083
from Tellr for engaging in hate speech.
753
00:33:28,083 --> 00:33:30,291
Her suspension will continue for approximately
754
00:33:30,291 --> 00:33:32,625
29 more minutes.
755
00:33:32,625 --> 00:33:34,834
- What hate speech? She didn’t say anything
756
00:33:34,834 --> 00:33:37,458
hateful or anything. This isn’t right.
757
00:33:37,458 --> 00:33:39,792
- Decisions on hate speech are final and are
758
00:33:39,792 --> 00:33:41,708
not allowed to be appealed.
759
00:33:41,708 --> 00:33:44,000
- Okay, but what did she even say?
760
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,250
- Our records show that Erica Peters
761
00:33:46,250 --> 00:33:48,875
perpetuated a harmful stereotype about women
762
00:33:48,875 --> 00:33:52,041
by referring to herself as a bad navigator.
763
00:33:52,041 --> 00:33:54,333
- That’s a stereotype? I didn’t even know
764
00:33:54,333 --> 00:33:56,875
that was a stereotype. That’s stupid.
765
00:33:56,875 --> 00:33:59,166
- The myth of women as poor navigators
766
00:33:59,166 --> 00:34:01,792
has been perpetuated by anecdotal evidence
767
00:34:01,792 --> 00:34:04,083
as well as by several scientific studies
768
00:34:04,083 --> 00:34:06,417
that have concluded that, on average,
769
00:34:06,417 --> 00:34:08,041
women are poor navigators,
770
00:34:08,041 --> 00:34:10,291
as compared to men, as men outperform
771
00:34:10,291 --> 00:34:11,625
them on average when it comes to
772
00:34:11,625 --> 00:34:12,959
spatial awareness.
773
00:34:12,959 --> 00:34:15,750
These studies are inherently sexist.
774
00:34:15,750 --> 00:34:17,500
- Wait, I don’t understand,
775
00:34:17,500 --> 00:34:19,291
the results of the studies did show that
776
00:34:19,291 --> 00:34:20,750
women are poor navigators?
777
00:34:20,750 --> 00:34:22,667
- According to the results of these several
778
00:34:22,667 --> 00:34:25,583
reputable studies, women are, on average,
779
00:34:25,583 --> 00:34:28,333
poor navigators, as compared to men.
780
00:34:28,333 --> 00:34:30,250
- But the studies are bad studies?
781
00:34:30,250 --> 00:34:32,291
Like, the results were bad or something,
782
00:34:32,291 --> 00:34:34,458
cause the studies were poorly conducted
783
00:34:34,458 --> 00:34:36,959
or sexist or something?
784
00:34:36,959 --> 00:34:39,875
- Any scientific study, however well conducted,
785
00:34:39,875 --> 00:34:42,000
with results that show any difference at all
786
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,875
between the sexes, is inherently sexist.
787
00:34:45,875 --> 00:34:47,667
- I don’t understand.
788
00:34:47,667 --> 00:34:49,291
- You are not understanding despite
789
00:34:49,291 --> 00:34:51,083
thorough explanation.
790
00:34:51,083 --> 00:34:53,125
The only possible reason for your continued
791
00:34:53,125 --> 00:34:56,250
lack of understanding despite thorough explanation
792
00:34:56,250 --> 00:34:59,041
is that you are sexist, and biased due to
793
00:34:59,041 --> 00:35:01,500
said explanation coming from a woman.
794
00:35:01,500 --> 00:35:03,500
As punishment for your gender bias,
795
00:35:03,500 --> 00:35:06,667
you will be muted for the next 30 minutes.
796
00:35:08,375 --> 00:35:11,959
Your ad-free trial period of Tellr has now lapsed.
797
00:35:11,959 --> 00:35:13,583
Please enjoy the following ads,
798
00:35:13,583 --> 00:35:15,166
which have been tailored to you both
799
00:35:15,166 --> 00:35:18,708
based on key words said during your use of Tellr.
800
00:35:19,750 --> 00:35:21,708
- Insurance-covered breast pumps.
801
00:35:21,708 --> 00:35:24,625
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802
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with no out-of-pocket cost, through
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your insurance. Apply today. Say ‘Live Chat’
805
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to connect with a live chat representative
806
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who will help determine if you qualify
807
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for free breast pumps.
808
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809
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810
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811
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812
00:35:49,417 --> 00:35:50,917
- Looking for the best memes?
813
00:35:50,917 --> 00:35:53,458
Our library of over fifty trillion memes
814
00:35:53,458 --> 00:35:55,625
will satisfy your every desire,
815
00:35:55,625 --> 00:35:58,041
and, we’re growing every day!
816
00:35:58,041 --> 00:36:00,458
Funny memes, sad memes,
817
00:36:00,458 --> 00:36:03,125
political memes, sexy memes,
818
00:36:03,125 --> 00:36:04,500
brainy memes,
819
00:36:04,500 --> 00:36:06,375
you name it, we have it!
820
00:36:06,375 --> 00:36:08,291
And, with our new app,
821
00:36:08,291 --> 00:36:11,959
we’re in the palm of your hand!
822
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,000
- Knife swallowing is an art.
823
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:16,917
I can teach you that art.
824
00:36:16,917 --> 00:36:18,708
There are so many videos of me,
825
00:36:18,708 --> 00:36:20,291
you wouldn't believe.
826
00:36:20,291 --> 00:36:21,708
I will walk you through
827
00:36:21,708 --> 00:36:23,750
every inch of the knife.
828
00:36:23,750 --> 00:36:25,000
Down my throat.
829
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,500
Down your throat too, soon.
830
00:36:27,500 --> 00:36:29,333
In minutes or less, my videos
831
00:36:29,333 --> 00:36:31,375
will have you swallowing knives.
832
00:36:31,375 --> 00:36:33,208
Say ‘knife me!’,
833
00:36:33,208 --> 00:36:35,667
and my videos will be on your phone.
834
00:36:35,667 --> 00:36:37,750
Say it!
835
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:40,959
- Why pee in a toilet?
836
00:36:40,959 --> 00:36:42,458
Why do that?
837
00:36:42,458 --> 00:36:43,625
Order a free pair of our
838
00:36:43,625 --> 00:36:45,750
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839
00:36:45,750 --> 00:36:48,542
Simply say coupon code 'absorbent'.
840
00:36:48,542 --> 00:36:51,542
Pay only shipping and handling.
841
00:36:52,417 --> 00:36:53,458
- Hey there, jokester.
842
00:36:53,458 --> 00:36:54,583
Hey there, funny man.
843
00:36:54,583 --> 00:36:56,083
Wanna tell some jokes to some women?
844
00:36:56,083 --> 00:36:57,291
Wanna hear women giggle
845
00:36:57,291 --> 00:36:58,458
and guffaw at your jokes,
846
00:36:58,458 --> 00:36:59,792
whatever they are?
847
00:36:59,792 --> 00:37:01,208
Lovely ladies just like me
848
00:37:01,208 --> 00:37:03,667
are eagerly waiting to hear your jokes.
849
00:37:03,667 --> 00:37:05,542
Why settle for likes and comments
850
00:37:05,542 --> 00:37:06,667
when you can hear actual
851
00:37:06,667 --> 00:37:08,542
audible female pleasure?
852
00:37:08,542 --> 00:37:09,583
Say the words:
853
00:37:09,583 --> 00:37:11,458
'give me a laughing woman now',
854
00:37:11,458 --> 00:37:13,125
and we'll connect you to a lovely
855
00:37:13,125 --> 00:37:15,458
woman who can't wait to laugh for you.
856
00:37:15,458 --> 00:37:18,000
Only 99 cents per 'ha'.
857
00:37:18,917 --> 00:37:21,500
We are the place for pretzels,
858
00:37:21,500 --> 00:37:24,792
we have lots of pretzels,
859
00:37:24,792 --> 00:37:28,041
we will feed you pretzels,
860
00:37:28,041 --> 00:37:31,125
come on down to the place for pretzels,
861
00:37:31,125 --> 00:37:34,375
we are the place for pretzels,
862
00:37:34,375 --> 00:37:36,542
you will enjoy our pretzels.
863
00:37:37,417 --> 00:37:38,667
Are you board?
864
00:37:38,667 --> 00:37:41,583
No, not 'bored'. Board!
865
00:37:41,583 --> 00:37:44,083
I'm asking if you play board games.
866
00:37:44,083 --> 00:37:47,208
Would you like to play board games... with me?
867
00:37:47,208 --> 00:37:49,208
Millions of indie board games.
868
00:37:49,208 --> 00:37:50,834
All sorts of titles.
869
00:37:50,834 --> 00:37:52,917
Did I mention I wear glasses?
870
00:37:52,917 --> 00:37:55,834
Would you like to see me... without glasses?
871
00:37:55,834 --> 00:37:58,458
Customize me however you want.
872
00:37:58,458 --> 00:38:00,458
Millions of combinations.
873
00:38:00,458 --> 00:38:02,166
Even my nipples!
874
00:38:02,166 --> 00:38:04,417
Say the words 'email me' right now,
875
00:38:04,417 --> 00:38:05,834
and I will email you,
876
00:38:05,834 --> 00:38:07,291
and we will be friends,
877
00:38:07,291 --> 00:38:09,208
and we will play board games,
878
00:38:09,208 --> 00:38:11,333
and you will never be bored again.
879
00:38:11,333 --> 00:38:14,083
That time, I did mean the word 'bored'.
880
00:38:15,208 --> 00:38:17,125
Popcorn is good food.
881
00:38:17,125 --> 00:38:18,542
There are many things good
882
00:38:18,542 --> 00:38:19,917
about popcorn.
883
00:38:19,917 --> 00:38:22,333
It's tasty. It's lightweight.
884
00:38:22,333 --> 00:38:24,583
It popped in order to exist.
885
00:38:24,583 --> 00:38:26,625
Try popcorn today.
886
00:38:26,625 --> 00:38:28,500
Say the word 'popcorn',
887
00:38:28,500 --> 00:38:30,375
and we'll drone a free sample of popcorn
888
00:38:30,375 --> 00:38:32,083
directly to your face.
889
00:38:32,083 --> 00:38:33,917
Pop pop!
890
00:38:35,333 --> 00:38:36,417
- Restaurants.
891
00:38:36,417 --> 00:38:37,625
Don't you want them?
892
00:38:37,625 --> 00:38:40,041
Don't you love the taste of a restaurant dish
893
00:38:40,041 --> 00:38:41,917
on a restaurant table?
894
00:38:41,917 --> 00:38:43,792
Find the best restaurants through us!
895
00:38:46,834 --> 00:38:48,750
- Finally!
896
00:38:48,750 --> 00:38:51,041
- Yeah. Wow.
897
00:38:51,041 --> 00:38:53,333
- That actually didn’t even feel that long.
898
00:38:53,333 --> 00:38:56,125
- Yeah. It went by quick, kind of.
899
00:38:56,125 --> 00:38:58,500
- How fucking lame are these ads, by the way?
900
00:38:58,500 --> 00:39:01,291
- Yeah, they’re really bad.
901
00:39:01,291 --> 00:39:03,208
- Like, are we supposed to just talk like this,
902
00:39:03,208 --> 00:39:04,625
with them just going on like this
903
00:39:04,625 --> 00:39:06,667
in the background?
904
00:39:06,667 --> 00:39:08,750
- I guess.
905
00:39:08,750 --> 00:39:11,166
- I wish we could just turn them off or something.
906
00:39:11,166 --> 00:39:12,708
People are not gonna like this.
907
00:39:12,708 --> 00:39:14,375
Like, this thing is practically
908
00:39:14,375 --> 00:39:16,000
unusable like this.
909
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:17,458
- Definitely.
910
00:39:18,583 --> 00:39:21,208
- Ads can be disabled through a one-time fee,
911
00:39:21,208 --> 00:39:22,834
followed by micropayments.
912
00:39:23,917 --> 00:39:27,917
- Oh. Um... okay. What’s the fee?
913
00:39:27,917 --> 00:39:30,625
- The one-time fee is 10.99 per user.
914
00:39:30,625 --> 00:39:32,959
You can each save 10 percent on that
915
00:39:32,959 --> 00:39:36,500
if you both sign up for ad-free Tellr.
916
00:39:36,500 --> 00:39:38,458
- That’s not that bad.
917
00:39:38,458 --> 00:39:40,291
- Yeah.
918
00:39:40,291 --> 00:39:42,583
- What are the micropayments?
919
00:39:42,583 --> 00:39:45,083
- The micropayments are minutely payments
920
00:39:45,083 --> 00:39:47,583
that range from one cent to ten cents,
921
00:39:47,583 --> 00:39:49,250
depending on time of day.
922
00:39:49,250 --> 00:39:50,583
- ‘Minutely’?
923
00:39:50,583 --> 00:39:53,458
- As in, by the minute.
924
00:39:53,458 --> 00:39:55,583
- So just using this for like an hour will
925
00:39:55,583 --> 00:39:58,959
cost like, what, like six bucks or something?
926
00:39:58,959 --> 00:40:01,792
- Depending on time of day.
927
00:40:01,792 --> 00:40:04,208
- Why depending on time of day?
928
00:40:04,208 --> 00:40:06,583
- During peak advertising hours,
929
00:40:06,583 --> 00:40:09,667
minutely payments can cost up to ten cents.
930
00:40:10,750 --> 00:40:12,792
- Let’s just do it. I don’t know what time it is,
931
00:40:12,792 --> 00:40:14,667
but this date is probably over soon anyway.
932
00:40:14,667 --> 00:40:16,875
It probably won’t cost us much.
933
00:40:16,875 --> 00:40:18,959
- Okay.
934
00:40:18,959 --> 00:40:22,000
- Alright, we’re gonna do it.
935
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,125
- Please state your credit card number,
936
00:40:24,125 --> 00:40:27,750
followed by expiration date and CVV number.
937
00:40:28,959 --> 00:40:32,000
- But, won’t we hear each other’s information?
938
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,792
- In the event of any credit card fraud,
939
00:40:34,792 --> 00:40:37,041
simply contact your credit card company
940
00:40:37,041 --> 00:40:40,166
immediately and they will help sort it out.
941
00:40:40,166 --> 00:40:42,583
- Okay, but I feel like this is kind of weird.
942
00:40:42,583 --> 00:40:44,333
- For decades and decades,
943
00:40:44,333 --> 00:40:46,083
people read their credit card information
944
00:40:46,083 --> 00:40:48,291
over the phone with others present.
945
00:40:48,291 --> 00:40:50,417
Only in recent decades, where people
946
00:40:50,417 --> 00:40:52,250
have switched to primarily entering their
947
00:40:52,250 --> 00:40:54,250
credit card information through a computer,
948
00:40:54,250 --> 00:40:56,375
has reading credit card information aloud
949
00:40:56,375 --> 00:40:57,875
become something that people
950
00:40:57,875 --> 00:40:59,417
are uncomfortable with.
951
00:40:59,417 --> 00:41:01,458
- Okay, but, it’s still weird.
952
00:41:01,458 --> 00:41:03,458
- We also accept debit cards.
953
00:41:03,458 --> 00:41:05,083
Please state your debit card number,
954
00:41:05,083 --> 00:41:08,708
followed by expiration, CVV, and PIN.
955
00:41:08,708 --> 00:41:10,583
- That’s worse!
956
00:41:10,583 --> 00:41:12,708
- Currently, credit card and debit card
957
00:41:12,708 --> 00:41:15,708
are the only methods of payments we accept.
958
00:41:15,708 --> 00:41:17,333
- Do you want to do it?
959
00:41:17,333 --> 00:41:19,542
- I don’t know.
960
00:41:19,542 --> 00:41:21,708
- Let’s just do it. Fuck it, I trust you.
961
00:41:21,708 --> 00:41:23,542
Do you trust me?
962
00:41:23,542 --> 00:41:25,041
- Yeah.
963
00:41:25,041 --> 00:41:26,458
- So let’s do it.
964
00:41:26,458 --> 00:41:28,333
- Alright.
965
00:41:28,333 --> 00:41:30,250
- Alright, we’re gonna do it.
966
00:41:30,250 --> 00:41:32,208
- Please state your credit card number,
967
00:41:32,208 --> 00:41:34,000
followed by expiration date
968
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,208
and CVV number.
969
00:41:40,083 --> 00:41:41,417
- Ugh, listen to that!
970
00:41:41,417 --> 00:41:45,375
Listen to the silence! So worth it.
971
00:41:45,375 --> 00:41:47,792
- Yeah, definitely.
972
00:41:47,792 --> 00:41:50,333
- I mean, it’s not actual silence, I guess.
973
00:41:50,333 --> 00:41:52,208
I mean, I hear stuff, but...
974
00:41:52,208 --> 00:41:53,333
you know what I mean,
975
00:41:53,333 --> 00:41:55,000
it’s comparatively silent, you know?
976
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:57,208
Silent compared to the fucking ads.
977
00:41:57,208 --> 00:41:58,792
- Right, yeah.
978
00:41:58,792 --> 00:42:02,208
- God those were dumb.
979
00:42:02,208 --> 00:42:03,500
So, when are you gonna start
980
00:42:03,500 --> 00:42:04,959
using my credit card?
981
00:42:04,959 --> 00:42:07,625
- Ha. I mean, I don’t really even remember
982
00:42:07,625 --> 00:42:09,208
any of the numbers.
983
00:42:09,208 --> 00:42:11,417
- I don’t remember yours either.
984
00:42:11,417 --> 00:42:14,792
I guess we’re both safe, then. That’s boring.
985
00:42:14,792 --> 00:42:16,834
- Yeah, it’d be way cooler if like,
986
00:42:16,834 --> 00:42:19,834
we stole each other’s identities or something.
987
00:42:19,834 --> 00:42:21,375
- It might even help your career!
988
00:42:21,375 --> 00:42:23,166
Me doing your gigs with a fake mustache
989
00:42:23,166 --> 00:42:24,375
or something.
990
00:42:24,375 --> 00:42:25,708
Since I’m funnier than you.
991
00:42:25,708 --> 00:42:27,625
- Yeah. I’ve never made a meme before,
992
00:42:27,625 --> 00:42:29,125
I dunno if I’d be good at it.
993
00:42:29,125 --> 00:42:30,875
I’d probably get you fired.
994
00:42:30,875 --> 00:42:34,583
- Aw! You remembered what I do.
995
00:42:34,583 --> 00:42:36,875
- You only said it like, an hour or two
996
00:42:36,875 --> 00:42:39,208
or however long it’s been ago.
997
00:42:39,208 --> 00:42:41,542
- Yeah, but people don’t usually pay attention,
998
00:42:41,542 --> 00:42:43,583
you’d be surprised.
999
00:42:43,583 --> 00:42:44,792
- Really?
1000
00:42:44,792 --> 00:42:47,000
- Yeah. I mean, guys will forget a girl’s name
1001
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:50,708
halfway into a date and stuff. It’s bad out there.
1002
00:42:50,708 --> 00:42:52,917
- Wow.
1003
00:42:55,041 --> 00:42:58,333
- Do you know what that green stuff is?
1004
00:42:58,333 --> 00:43:01,041
- It looks like a ton of little seed pods
1005
00:43:01,041 --> 00:43:03,125
or something.
1006
00:43:03,125 --> 00:43:05,041
- Is it algae?
1007
00:43:05,041 --> 00:43:08,000
- I don’t know. Could be.
1008
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:09,792
- Isn’t algae good for you?
1009
00:43:09,792 --> 00:43:12,166
One of my roommates has it like... powdered.
1010
00:43:12,166 --> 00:43:14,208
She makes smoothies with it.
1011
00:43:14,208 --> 00:43:16,792
- I dunno. If that were the same stuff,
1012
00:43:16,792 --> 00:43:18,250
I feel like people would be like,
1013
00:43:18,250 --> 00:43:20,000
coming here with garbage bags
1014
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:21,959
and stealing it and selling it.
1015
00:43:21,959 --> 00:43:23,834
- True. I dunno though,
1016
00:43:23,834 --> 00:43:25,875
I think it might be the same.
1017
00:43:25,875 --> 00:43:27,417
- If it is, I’m sure there’s like,
1018
00:43:27,417 --> 00:43:29,041
different strains of it or something.
1019
00:43:29,041 --> 00:43:31,667
This is probably not a good strain.
1020
00:43:33,667 --> 00:43:36,375
- Strains like how there’s strains of weed?
1021
00:43:36,375 --> 00:43:37,875
- Yeah.
1022
00:43:37,875 --> 00:43:40,000
- But all weed is good, all the different strains
1023
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:41,542
are good, they’re just different.
1024
00:43:41,542 --> 00:43:44,500
Maybe this is still good, it’s just different.
1025
00:43:44,500 --> 00:43:46,333
- Maybe.
1026
00:43:46,333 --> 00:43:48,291
- I’ll pay you to lick it.
1027
00:43:48,291 --> 00:43:51,250
- Uh, prostitution is illegal, ma’am.
1028
00:43:51,250 --> 00:43:53,458
- The algae!
1029
00:43:53,458 --> 00:43:55,875
- Nah, I’m not licking that.
1030
00:43:55,875 --> 00:43:58,917
- How much will you pay me, then?
1031
00:43:58,917 --> 00:44:00,625
- Yeah, I’m not gonna do that.
1032
00:44:00,625 --> 00:44:01,875
- Why?
1033
00:44:01,875 --> 00:44:03,583
- Because, I don’t want you to get sick,
1034
00:44:03,583 --> 00:44:05,250
and I wouldn’t derive any amusement
1035
00:44:05,250 --> 00:44:07,083
or anything from seeing you do it.
1036
00:44:07,083 --> 00:44:09,000
- Well, how bout you just pay me
1037
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:10,875
so I don’t feel weird about it?
1038
00:44:10,875 --> 00:44:13,000
I’m gonna lick it, that’s gonna happen,
1039
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:14,792
but if you pay me, then I won’t feel like
1040
00:44:14,792 --> 00:44:16,667
such a weirdo for doing it.
1041
00:44:18,166 --> 00:44:20,291
- Please don’t lick it.
1042
00:44:20,291 --> 00:44:22,000
- That’s the first time I’ve ever heard
1043
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:23,583
a guy say that.
1044
00:44:23,583 --> 00:44:26,250
- I really think you’ll probably get sick.
1045
00:44:27,875 --> 00:44:29,959
- I’m not gonna lick it.
1046
00:44:29,959 --> 00:44:33,834
- Good. Thank you.
1047
00:44:33,834 --> 00:44:36,208
- I am gonna touch it though.
1048
00:44:36,208 --> 00:44:38,542
- Don’t!
1049
00:44:44,667 --> 00:44:47,000
You should wash your hands.
1050
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:48,959
- Why?
1051
00:44:48,959 --> 00:44:50,417
- Cause maybe you’ll touch your eye
1052
00:44:50,417 --> 00:44:51,917
or something and get sick.
1053
00:44:51,917 --> 00:44:53,583
Or maybe it’s under your fingernail now
1054
00:44:53,583 --> 00:44:55,083
and it’s getting into you through
1055
00:44:55,083 --> 00:44:56,750
your nail bed or something.
1056
00:44:56,750 --> 00:44:59,542
- Oh my god, you are such a little worrier.
1057
00:44:59,542 --> 00:45:02,458
I’m glad I did it so I could learn that about you.
1058
00:45:03,250 --> 00:45:05,000
- Do whatever you want.
1059
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:07,291
- It’s just green stuff!
1060
00:45:07,291 --> 00:45:09,667
- I know.
1061
00:45:14,291 --> 00:45:17,208
Are you okay?
1062
00:45:17,208 --> 00:45:19,291
- Just kidding!
1063
00:45:19,291 --> 00:45:22,667
- Very funny.
1064
00:45:22,667 --> 00:45:25,959
- Let’s go somewhere else, this is boring.
1065
00:45:41,583 --> 00:45:44,583
Are you mad at me?
1066
00:45:47,458 --> 00:45:50,291
- No.
1067
00:45:50,291 --> 00:45:51,959
- Are you not interested in me
1068
00:45:51,959 --> 00:45:55,250
as a human being anymore?
1069
00:45:55,250 --> 00:45:58,542
- I’m interested in you as a human being.
1070
00:45:58,542 --> 00:45:59,667
- But not as like,
1071
00:45:59,667 --> 00:46:02,500
someone you might want to see again?
1072
00:46:04,834 --> 00:46:07,583
- I don’t know.
1073
00:46:07,583 --> 00:46:09,125
- That’s cool, that’s fine.
1074
00:46:09,125 --> 00:46:11,500
I guess I shouldn’t have touched that algae stuff,
1075
00:46:11,500 --> 00:46:13,708
I didn’t realize it’d be such a deal breaker
1076
00:46:13,708 --> 00:46:16,875
or a red flag or whatever.
1077
00:46:16,875 --> 00:46:19,000
- It’s not that.
1078
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,375
- I know, I get it. You’re just not
1079
00:46:21,375 --> 00:46:22,625
interested in me,
1080
00:46:22,625 --> 00:46:24,291
it doesn’t need an explanation,
1081
00:46:24,291 --> 00:46:28,041
it just is what it is.
1082
00:46:28,041 --> 00:46:30,542
- I am interested in you.
1083
00:46:30,542 --> 00:46:32,375
- But not enough to ever see me again
1084
00:46:32,375 --> 00:46:35,834
for the rest of our lives. Got it.
1085
00:46:35,834 --> 00:46:37,458
- I didn’t say that.
1086
00:46:37,458 --> 00:46:39,834
I just said I don’t know.
1087
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:45,000
- Alright, I’m gonna sound like a
1088
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,333
weird clingy person for saying this,
1089
00:46:47,333 --> 00:46:48,834
which I’m not, but...
1090
00:46:48,834 --> 00:46:50,166
I feel like you and I
1091
00:46:50,166 --> 00:46:52,875
are gonna like, kinda always know each other.
1092
00:46:52,875 --> 00:46:55,208
Even if we never date or are never close friends
1093
00:46:55,208 --> 00:46:58,041
or anything, like... we’re always gonna remember
1094
00:46:58,041 --> 00:47:01,208
this day. And we shared this day together,
1095
00:47:01,208 --> 00:47:03,166
so, we’re always gonna know each other,
1096
00:47:03,166 --> 00:47:06,834
cause who else experienced this weird day but us?
1097
00:47:06,834 --> 00:47:08,291
Nobody will ever understand it
1098
00:47:08,291 --> 00:47:10,208
that we tell about it, except each other.
1099
00:47:11,375 --> 00:47:13,458
- Any attempt after the beta test to discuss
1100
00:47:13,458 --> 00:47:15,667
any portion of the beta test with anyone other
1101
00:47:15,667 --> 00:47:17,834
than Tellr representatives will result in
1102
00:47:17,834 --> 00:47:19,834
severe fines and possible jail time.
1103
00:47:22,083 --> 00:47:25,333
- I get it. I won’t, he won’t. It’s fine.
1104
00:47:27,667 --> 00:47:31,208
Anyone. Do you know what I mean?
1105
00:47:31,208 --> 00:47:35,542
Like, we shared this. This crazy experience.
1106
00:47:35,542 --> 00:47:37,792
So, we’re kinda stuck knowing each other
1107
00:47:37,792 --> 00:47:40,291
for life. You know?
1108
00:47:40,291 --> 00:47:42,834
So, even if we never go on a second date
1109
00:47:42,834 --> 00:47:45,250
or a second hangout or whatever,
1110
00:47:45,250 --> 00:47:48,417
let’s stay in touch. Okay?
1111
00:47:48,417 --> 00:47:50,542
- Okay.
1112
00:47:50,542 --> 00:47:54,291
- Alright, cool.
1113
00:47:54,291 --> 00:47:56,583
- I’m really bad at this.
1114
00:47:56,583 --> 00:47:58,291
- What do you mean?
1115
00:47:58,291 --> 00:48:01,834
- I don’t know. Like, I’m trying to play it cool.
1116
00:48:01,834 --> 00:48:04,000
I don’t know why I’m doing this.
1117
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:05,792
- Doing what?
1118
00:48:05,792 --> 00:48:09,083
- Being aloof or whatever. I think you’re cool.
1119
00:48:09,083 --> 00:48:11,917
Like, I’m drawn to you, and like, I don’t know
1120
00:48:11,917 --> 00:48:14,166
what to say around you. I’ve been trying
1121
00:48:14,166 --> 00:48:16,792
not to like, show that too much.
1122
00:48:16,792 --> 00:48:18,625
I don’t know what I’m doing.
1123
00:48:18,625 --> 00:48:20,500
I don’t know how to be around you.
1124
00:48:20,500 --> 00:48:23,708
I just like, constantly don’t want to be a way
1125
00:48:23,708 --> 00:48:27,041
where you’re gonna not like me or something.
1126
00:48:27,041 --> 00:48:29,000
- You don’t have to worry about any of that,
1127
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:31,291
I’m drawn to you too.
1128
00:48:31,291 --> 00:48:32,708
- Really?
1129
00:48:32,708 --> 00:48:34,291
- Yeah, I don’t even know what it is,
1130
00:48:34,291 --> 00:48:35,542
I can’t explain it, like,
1131
00:48:35,542 --> 00:48:37,000
I just want to know you and keep
1132
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:40,166
knowing you and be around you.
1133
00:48:40,166 --> 00:48:42,458
- Me too.
1134
00:48:42,458 --> 00:48:44,125
- Really?
1135
00:48:44,125 --> 00:48:47,291
- Of course, yeah.
1136
00:48:47,291 --> 00:48:49,500
- That’s great, then.
1137
00:48:49,500 --> 00:48:51,333
- Yeah.
1138
00:48:51,333 --> 00:48:53,667
- You know, earlier, when I found out
1139
00:48:53,667 --> 00:48:57,041
we couldn’t touch and then I cried, like...
1140
00:48:57,041 --> 00:48:58,667
part of the crying I think was because
1141
00:48:58,667 --> 00:49:00,834
I had been thinking about how nice it would be
1142
00:49:00,834 --> 00:49:03,834
to like, at some point during all this, just...
1143
00:49:03,834 --> 00:49:05,500
kiss you out of nowhere, and then like,
1144
00:49:05,500 --> 00:49:06,667
maybe make out with you
1145
00:49:06,667 --> 00:49:08,667
against a tree or whatever.
1146
00:49:08,667 --> 00:49:09,834
- Really?
1147
00:49:09,834 --> 00:49:11,875
- Yeah, and like, when I realized that wouldn’t
1148
00:49:11,875 --> 00:49:14,125
be able to happen for such a like, bullshit,
1149
00:49:14,125 --> 00:49:17,333
dumb reason, it made me so sad.
1150
00:49:17,333 --> 00:49:19,500
- Wow.
1151
00:49:19,500 --> 00:49:21,208
- Is it weird that I wanted to kiss you
1152
00:49:21,208 --> 00:49:23,750
that early on in us knowing each other?
1153
00:49:23,750 --> 00:49:26,708
- I don’t know. I don’t think so. I mean,
1154
00:49:26,708 --> 00:49:29,500
it sounds good to me.
1155
00:49:29,500 --> 00:49:32,208
- Have you wanted to kiss me too?
1156
00:49:32,208 --> 00:49:34,875
- Yeah. I mean, you’re really pretty.
1157
00:49:34,875 --> 00:49:36,834
Whenever you’ve said something funny or
1158
00:49:36,834 --> 00:49:40,291
weird or witty, I’ve wanted to kiss you.
1159
00:49:40,291 --> 00:49:41,667
- Really?
1160
00:49:41,667 --> 00:49:43,208
- Yeah.
1161
00:49:43,208 --> 00:49:45,125
- You think I’m funny and witty?
1162
00:49:45,125 --> 00:49:46,708
- Yeah.
1163
00:49:46,708 --> 00:49:48,708
- But you, like, do that stuff.
1164
00:49:48,708 --> 00:49:50,458
You write and perform.
1165
00:49:50,458 --> 00:49:52,625
I woulda figured you like, only think other people
1166
00:49:52,625 --> 00:49:54,959
who do that stuff are funny and witty.
1167
00:49:54,959 --> 00:49:57,917
- No way. Most of them suck.
1168
00:49:57,917 --> 00:50:00,125
- I really like your comedy, by the way.
1169
00:50:00,125 --> 00:50:01,750
I’m really sorry I didn’t laugh,
1170
00:50:01,750 --> 00:50:02,917
I don’t know why I didn’t,
1171
00:50:02,917 --> 00:50:04,291
I thought you’d respect me more
1172
00:50:04,291 --> 00:50:06,834
if I didn’t or something. I don’t know.
1173
00:50:06,834 --> 00:50:09,750
- It kinda turned me on that you didn’t laugh.
1174
00:50:09,750 --> 00:50:11,583
- Really?
1175
00:50:11,583 --> 00:50:13,792
- Yeah, it was hot. It gave me like,
1176
00:50:13,792 --> 00:50:16,417
butterflies, but, in a good way.
1177
00:50:16,417 --> 00:50:18,250
- That’s cute.
1178
00:50:18,250 --> 00:50:20,500
- Yeah.
1179
00:50:20,500 --> 00:50:22,917
- Cute that’s. Cute that's.
1180
00:50:22,917 --> 00:50:23,875
- What?
1181
00:50:23,875 --> 00:50:26,625
- Cute that’s. Cute that’s. Cute that’s.
1182
00:50:26,625 --> 00:50:29,083
- What’s going on?
1183
00:50:29,083 --> 00:50:31,834
- Cute that’s. Cute that's.
1184
00:50:31,834 --> 00:50:33,500
Cute. Cute. Cute.
1185
00:50:33,500 --> 00:50:35,750
- Um, something’s going on with her thing,
1186
00:50:35,750 --> 00:50:38,250
what’s going on?
1187
00:50:38,250 --> 00:50:40,291
- We are sorry. An unknown pathogen is
1188
00:50:40,291 --> 00:50:42,291
interacting negatively with the nanocells
1189
00:50:42,291 --> 00:50:44,166
within Erica Peters.
1190
00:50:44,166 --> 00:50:46,291
We will attempt to fix the problem shortly.
1191
00:50:46,291 --> 00:50:50,083
Please remain calm and get her to a safe area.
1192
00:50:50,083 --> 00:50:51,959
- A safe area?
1193
00:50:51,959 --> 00:50:53,667
- Please get her off the bridge.
1194
00:50:53,667 --> 00:50:56,750
If she jumps off the bridge, we are not liable.
1195
00:50:56,750 --> 00:50:59,083
Sit with her under a tree on solid ground.
1196
00:50:59,083 --> 00:51:00,708
Keep her away from heights.
1197
00:51:00,708 --> 00:51:02,000
That is all for now.
1198
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:04,917
We will attempt to fix the problem shortly.
1199
00:51:04,917 --> 00:51:07,834
- Cute that's. Cute that's. Cute that's.
1200
00:51:07,834 --> 00:51:09,750
- I’m sure they’re working on it right now.
1201
00:51:09,750 --> 00:51:11,125
I’m sure it’ll be fixed soon.
1202
00:51:11,125 --> 00:51:14,959
- Cute. Cute. Cute. Cute.
1203
00:51:14,959 --> 00:51:16,750
- You’re not in any pain or anything, right?
1204
00:51:16,750 --> 00:51:20,208
- Cute that's. Cute that's.
1205
00:51:20,208 --> 00:51:21,667
Cute that’s.
1206
00:51:21,667 --> 00:51:23,625
- It just feels weird?
1207
00:51:23,625 --> 00:51:27,041
- Cute. Cute. Cute. Cute.
1208
00:51:27,041 --> 00:51:28,875
- That sucks. I’m sorry.
1209
00:51:28,875 --> 00:51:32,708
- Cute. Cute. Cute. Cute that's. Cute.
1210
00:51:32,708 --> 00:51:34,375
- What’s that?
1211
00:51:34,375 --> 00:51:36,166
- Cute that's.
1212
00:51:36,166 --> 00:51:38,125
- Oh shit.
1213
00:51:38,125 --> 00:51:40,750
Um, something’s going on with her nose,
1214
00:51:40,750 --> 00:51:44,208
white stuff is coming out. She needs help!
1215
00:51:44,208 --> 00:51:46,375
- We are sorry. An unknown pathogen
1216
00:51:46,375 --> 00:51:48,500
is interacting negatively with the nanocells
1217
00:51:48,500 --> 00:51:50,083
within Erica Peters.
1218
00:51:50,083 --> 00:51:52,417
We will attempt to fix the problem shortly.
1219
00:51:52,417 --> 00:51:54,041
Please remain calm.
1220
00:51:54,041 --> 00:51:55,500
- I think I have a tissue.
1221
00:51:55,500 --> 00:51:57,291
- Cute that's. Cute that's.
1222
00:51:57,291 --> 00:51:58,458
- Oh shit.
1223
00:51:58,458 --> 00:52:00,750
Ahh! Ugh!
1224
00:52:00,750 --> 00:52:02,708
Tissue. Tissue.
1225
00:52:02,708 --> 00:52:03,959
- Cute.
1226
00:52:03,959 --> 00:52:05,250
- Tissue. Tissue.
1227
00:52:05,250 --> 00:52:06,291
- Cute. Cute.
1228
00:52:06,291 --> 00:52:07,792
- Tissue. Tissue.
1229
00:52:07,792 --> 00:52:09,750
- Cute that's.
1230
00:52:09,750 --> 00:52:11,708
- Tissue. Tissue.
1231
00:52:11,708 --> 00:52:14,083
- Cute that's. Cute that's.
1232
00:52:14,083 --> 00:52:16,000
- Tissue. Tissue.
1233
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:18,000
- Cute. Cute. Cute.
1234
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:20,875
Tissue. Tissue. Tissue.
1235
00:57:06,291 --> 00:57:07,458
- Good news!
1236
00:57:07,458 --> 00:57:09,792
You are cured and are now fine.
1237
00:57:09,792 --> 00:57:11,834
You will regain consciousness in the office
1238
00:57:11,834 --> 00:57:14,708
of our CEO, Harriet Miller, where you will
1239
00:57:14,708 --> 00:57:17,125
discuss your Tellr experience with her.
1240
00:57:17,125 --> 00:57:18,875
We look forward to your feedback.
1241
00:57:42,875 --> 00:57:47,083
- We need to talk.
1242
00:57:50,041 --> 00:57:53,834
I will give
1243
00:57:53,834 --> 00:57:56,417
you a
1244
00:57:56,417 --> 00:57:59,458
Tellr pill
1245
00:58:01,083 --> 00:58:05,333
(only will last
1246
00:58:06,083 --> 00:58:10,000
as long as
1247
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:12,959
you are in
1248
00:58:12,959 --> 00:58:16,083
the building)
1249
00:58:18,417 --> 00:58:21,959
so that we
1250
00:58:22,959 --> 00:58:26,000
can talk.
1251
00:59:47,083 --> 00:59:49,250
Alright, let’s talk.
1252
00:59:49,250 --> 00:59:51,834
I cut these with nano-caffeine,
1253
00:59:51,834 --> 00:59:53,708
so you should be feeling a bit more
1254
00:59:53,708 --> 00:59:56,083
alert right about now.
1255
00:59:56,083 --> 00:59:57,792
- Your product sucks.
1256
00:59:58,625 --> 01:00:00,250
- You’ve made it very clear
1257
01:00:00,250 --> 01:00:01,875
that you feel that way.
1258
01:00:01,875 --> 01:00:03,959
- It’s fucking bullshit.
1259
01:00:03,959 --> 01:00:06,250
- How is it ‘bullshit’?
1260
01:00:06,250 --> 01:00:09,208
- Because it sucks dicks for a living.
1261
01:00:09,208 --> 01:00:12,250
- How does it suck dicks for a living?
1262
01:00:12,250 --> 01:00:14,959
Do you also feel that way?
1263
01:00:14,959 --> 01:00:17,500
- I mean, yeah, it’s pretty bad.
1264
01:00:17,500 --> 01:00:19,708
- Before we go any further,
1265
01:00:19,708 --> 01:00:21,792
are you both feeling fully better since
1266
01:00:21,792 --> 01:00:23,375
what happened with the algae?
1267
01:00:23,375 --> 01:00:26,083
- I knew it was algae!
1268
01:00:26,083 --> 01:00:28,125
- I feel alright.
1269
01:00:28,125 --> 01:00:30,500
- Yeah, I’m okay, I think.
1270
01:00:30,500 --> 01:00:32,417
- It’s hard to know what the nanocells
1271
01:00:32,417 --> 01:00:34,333
will try and fight.
1272
01:00:34,333 --> 01:00:36,917
We’re still working out the kinks with that.
1273
01:00:36,917 --> 01:00:38,500
- What about everything else?
1274
01:00:38,500 --> 01:00:40,208
All the other shit?
1275
01:00:40,208 --> 01:00:41,834
- What do you mean?
1276
01:00:41,834 --> 01:00:43,875
- All the other kinks that need working out,
1277
01:00:43,875 --> 01:00:45,750
like the fact that the whole
1278
01:00:45,750 --> 01:00:47,625
entire product sucks.
1279
01:00:47,625 --> 01:00:49,000
- Can you be specific with
1280
01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:50,959
what you think needs work?
1281
01:00:50,959 --> 01:00:52,959
- Literally everything besides, I guess,
1282
01:00:52,959 --> 01:00:54,792
the technology, which is impressive.
1283
01:00:54,792 --> 01:00:56,333
But everything else is horrible.
1284
01:00:56,333 --> 01:00:57,417
If you put this to market,
1285
01:00:57,417 --> 01:00:58,583
people are gonna hate this,
1286
01:00:58,583 --> 01:01:00,250
your whole company is gonna tank.
1287
01:01:00,250 --> 01:01:01,959
I don’t know how many millions of dollars
1288
01:01:01,959 --> 01:01:03,667
this company is worth, but all that money
1289
01:01:03,667 --> 01:01:06,917
is gonna be gone. You’re all gonna go broke.
1290
01:01:06,917 --> 01:01:08,542
- I’m flattered by your concern
1291
01:01:08,542 --> 01:01:10,375
for my financial well-being.
1292
01:01:10,375 --> 01:01:12,166
That’s very considerate of you.
1293
01:01:12,166 --> 01:01:13,417
- I mean, I don’t actually care
1294
01:01:13,417 --> 01:01:14,542
if you lose money or not,
1295
01:01:14,542 --> 01:01:16,375
I was just trying to get you to listen to me.
1296
01:01:16,375 --> 01:01:17,834
I figured you’d care about the idea
1297
01:01:17,834 --> 01:01:19,708
of you losing money, and then that way you'd
1298
01:01:19,708 --> 01:01:21,542
actually start listening to me about how bad
1299
01:01:21,542 --> 01:01:22,250
this thing is.
1300
01:01:22,250 --> 01:01:23,917
- I am listening to you.
1301
01:01:23,917 --> 01:01:26,583
I’m listening very intently to you.
1302
01:01:26,583 --> 01:01:29,625
That’s why I want you to be more specific.
1303
01:01:29,625 --> 01:01:33,208
Tell me something specific that you didn’t like.
1304
01:01:33,208 --> 01:01:35,250
- Okay, well, there’s like, a million things
1305
01:01:35,250 --> 01:01:37,208
I could say that I didn’t like, but like,
1306
01:01:37,208 --> 01:01:38,667
how about the hate speech thing.
1307
01:01:38,667 --> 01:01:40,708
It said he said hate speech,
1308
01:01:40,708 --> 01:01:43,542
that his joke was hate speech, but it wasn’t.
1309
01:01:43,542 --> 01:01:45,625
So, whatever the thing is that detects
1310
01:01:45,625 --> 01:01:48,041
that sort of thing is clearly broken.
1311
01:01:48,041 --> 01:01:50,792
- Is that important to you?
1312
01:01:50,792 --> 01:01:52,917
That that feature not be broken?
1313
01:01:52,917 --> 01:01:54,458
That it work well?
1314
01:01:54,458 --> 01:01:57,166
- Yeah, that’s what I just said.
1315
01:01:57,166 --> 01:01:59,458
- How much does this particular feature
1316
01:01:59,458 --> 01:02:02,583
being broken bother you?
1317
01:02:02,583 --> 01:02:04,291
- A lot.
1318
01:02:04,291 --> 01:02:06,208
- If we leave it the way it is,
1319
01:02:06,208 --> 01:02:07,875
when Tellr is released,
1320
01:02:07,875 --> 01:02:09,875
would you take to social media to express
1321
01:02:09,875 --> 01:02:13,291
your distaste for the broken feature?
1322
01:02:13,291 --> 01:02:15,708
- Yeah, definitely.
1323
01:02:15,708 --> 01:02:17,750
- And discuss your distaste
1324
01:02:17,750 --> 01:02:20,166
with friends privately?
1325
01:02:20,166 --> 01:02:22,000
- Yeah.
1326
01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:24,834
- And read and circulate blog posts
1327
01:02:24,834 --> 01:02:26,750
and articles that share your same
1328
01:02:26,750 --> 01:02:29,458
views about the broken feature?
1329
01:02:29,458 --> 01:02:31,542
- Yeah, sure.
1330
01:02:33,625 --> 01:02:35,708
- That’s great to hear.
1331
01:02:35,708 --> 01:02:37,291
How about you, Noah?
1332
01:02:37,291 --> 01:02:39,250
Anything you didn’t like?
1333
01:02:39,250 --> 01:02:41,834
Specifically, anything that would irk you
1334
01:02:41,834 --> 01:02:43,917
enough to devote hours and hours
1335
01:02:43,917 --> 01:02:45,500
of your life to thinking about how much
1336
01:02:45,500 --> 01:02:47,208
you didn’t like it, and getting others
1337
01:02:47,208 --> 01:02:48,583
to do the same?
1338
01:02:48,583 --> 01:02:50,041
- I don’t understand.
1339
01:02:50,041 --> 01:02:51,750
You sound like you want this thing to be
1340
01:02:51,750 --> 01:02:54,208
broken as hell just so people talk about it.
1341
01:02:54,208 --> 01:02:57,041
- Are you familiar with the ancient Japanese
1342
01:02:57,041 --> 01:03:00,291
aesthetic of wabi-sabi?
1343
01:03:00,291 --> 01:03:02,125
- No.
1344
01:03:02,125 --> 01:03:03,959
- Perhaps you’ll look into it one day
1345
01:03:03,959 --> 01:03:06,083
and then begin to understand why we,
1346
01:03:06,083 --> 01:03:07,750
and countless other companies,
1347
01:03:07,750 --> 01:03:09,708
do what we do.
1348
01:03:09,708 --> 01:03:12,166
Moving on, though: can you tell me
1349
01:03:12,166 --> 01:03:14,542
how you two feel about each other?
1350
01:03:14,542 --> 01:03:15,667
- Why can’t you just tell me
1351
01:03:15,667 --> 01:03:18,250
what it means right now?
1352
01:03:18,250 --> 01:03:19,708
- Can you tell me how you
1353
01:03:19,708 --> 01:03:21,834
feel about Erica?
1354
01:03:21,834 --> 01:03:25,125
- Um, she’s cool. She’s really nice.
1355
01:03:25,125 --> 01:03:29,000
- Just ‘cool’? Just ‘nice’?
1356
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:31,041
You two were pretty gaga for each other,
1357
01:03:31,041 --> 01:03:33,917
I would say. Sparks flew.
1358
01:03:33,917 --> 01:03:36,583
Remember what happened on the bridge?
1359
01:03:36,583 --> 01:03:39,625
- I mean, yeah, I mean...
1360
01:03:39,625 --> 01:03:41,708
yeah, we hit it off.
1361
01:03:41,708 --> 01:03:45,083
I think we hit off. I like her.
1362
01:03:45,083 --> 01:03:47,875
- So, the blind date was a success then,
1363
01:03:47,875 --> 01:03:49,667
would you say?
1364
01:03:49,667 --> 01:03:53,291
- I mean, yeah. That part of it. The her part.
1365
01:03:54,291 --> 01:03:56,333
- Would you also say that the
1366
01:03:56,333 --> 01:03:59,041
blind date was a success?
1367
01:03:59,041 --> 01:04:00,625
- I mean, he’s great.
1368
01:04:00,625 --> 01:04:03,291
Your product is shit, but he’s great.
1369
01:04:03,291 --> 01:04:06,083
- So, do you both feel then that Tellr
1370
01:04:06,083 --> 01:04:08,375
is great for blind dates?
1371
01:04:08,375 --> 01:04:12,875
- What? No. Hell no. Tellr still sucks.
1372
01:04:12,875 --> 01:04:14,375
I’d never recommend anyone
1373
01:04:14,375 --> 01:04:16,500
use it ever. It’s terrible.
1374
01:04:16,500 --> 01:04:19,166
- But it brought you two together.
1375
01:04:19,166 --> 01:04:20,875
- Yeah, in that like, we were randomly
1376
01:04:20,875 --> 01:04:22,458
chosen for this beta test thing and
1377
01:04:22,458 --> 01:04:24,208
randomly got to meet or whatever.
1378
01:04:24,208 --> 01:04:27,417
Like, I’ll give it that, but that’s it.
1379
01:04:27,417 --> 01:04:29,959
- You don’t think that the negative experience
1380
01:04:29,959 --> 01:04:33,208
you had with Tellr helped in any way
1381
01:04:33,208 --> 01:04:34,333
to create the feelings you
1382
01:04:34,333 --> 01:04:36,792
have for one another?
1383
01:04:36,792 --> 01:04:39,583
- No. I mean, we probably bonded a little
1384
01:04:39,583 --> 01:04:41,500
in that we both hated Tellr, but that’s
1385
01:04:41,500 --> 01:04:44,750
not the same thing as like, liking each other.
1386
01:04:44,750 --> 01:04:47,375
- How is it not the same thing?
1387
01:04:47,375 --> 01:04:49,917
- Because that’s different. Like, us just
1388
01:04:49,917 --> 01:04:51,708
bonding and banding together against
1389
01:04:51,708 --> 01:04:54,375
this stupid thing? That has nothing to do
1390
01:04:54,375 --> 01:04:56,417
with like, us being attracted to each other
1391
01:04:56,417 --> 01:04:58,375
or caring for each other.
1392
01:04:58,375 --> 01:05:01,417
- How can you be so certain of that?
1393
01:05:01,417 --> 01:05:02,875
- Because I know my own brain,
1394
01:05:02,875 --> 01:05:06,625
I know my own heart. I know how I feel.
1395
01:05:06,625 --> 01:05:09,041
- What if I were to tell you that we have
1396
01:05:09,041 --> 01:05:12,291
a 100 percent success rate?
1397
01:05:12,291 --> 01:05:15,333
That every single blind date we’ve arranged has
1398
01:05:15,333 --> 01:05:17,834
resulted in sparks flying and attraction
1399
01:05:17,834 --> 01:05:20,333
and mutual interest?
1400
01:05:20,333 --> 01:05:22,208
- That’s great for you all, but that doesn’t
1401
01:05:22,208 --> 01:05:25,375
matter to me. I can’t be controlled like that.
1402
01:05:25,375 --> 01:05:27,625
I know how I feel, and I know that how
1403
01:05:27,625 --> 01:05:29,917
I feel is real, and I’m sure he knows
1404
01:05:29,917 --> 01:05:33,250
that how he feels is real. This is genuine.
1405
01:05:33,250 --> 01:05:35,125
I don’t know about all those other people
1406
01:05:35,125 --> 01:05:37,792
or whatever, but this is real.
1407
01:05:37,792 --> 01:05:40,333
- What if I were to tell you that at least one
1408
01:05:40,333 --> 01:05:42,917
person from every single blind date has
1409
01:05:42,917 --> 01:05:45,000
sat here where you’re sitting and said to
1410
01:05:45,000 --> 01:05:47,375
me what you just said?
1411
01:05:47,375 --> 01:05:49,792
- I don’t care. Where’s your data?
1412
01:05:49,792 --> 01:05:51,708
You don’t even have any data to show me
1413
01:05:51,708 --> 01:05:53,208
to back up what you’re saying,
1414
01:05:53,208 --> 01:05:56,166
you’re just saying things.
1415
01:05:56,166 --> 01:05:59,417
- I’ve heard that too. Every time.
1416
01:05:59,417 --> 01:06:02,250
You know, it never ceases to amaze me
1417
01:06:02,250 --> 01:06:04,291
the disbelief people have that they can be
1418
01:06:04,291 --> 01:06:08,125
so malleable, and subsequently, so predictable.
1419
01:06:08,125 --> 01:06:10,125
- I really don’t care. You think you know me,
1420
01:06:10,125 --> 01:06:12,333
but you really don’t.
1421
01:06:12,333 --> 01:06:15,834
- Oh, I almost forgot, you will both be
1422
01:06:15,834 --> 01:06:17,667
reimbursed for the money you spent
1423
01:06:17,667 --> 01:06:19,583
for the ad-free version.
1424
01:06:19,583 --> 01:06:21,208
You can expect a check in the mail
1425
01:06:21,208 --> 01:06:23,125
within six to eight weeks.
1426
01:06:23,125 --> 01:06:25,708
- Why can’t you just cut us a check right now?
1427
01:06:25,708 --> 01:06:27,625
- Because I’d like to keep your dislike
1428
01:06:27,625 --> 01:06:30,291
of me and my company at a maximum.
1429
01:06:30,291 --> 01:06:32,708
That’s very important to me.
1430
01:06:32,708 --> 01:06:35,166
- You’re such a bitch.
1431
01:06:35,166 --> 01:06:38,083
- And you’re such a helpful person.
1432
01:06:38,083 --> 01:06:40,417
More so than you know.
1433
01:06:40,417 --> 01:06:43,208
- Are we done here? Can we go now?
1434
01:06:43,208 --> 01:06:45,792
- You can leave, if you’d like.
1435
01:06:45,792 --> 01:06:47,542
I’d like to talk to Noah
1436
01:06:47,542 --> 01:06:49,125
a little bit longer, though.
1437
01:06:49,125 --> 01:06:50,542
- You know, you could really be
1438
01:06:50,542 --> 01:06:52,250
helping people. You have such an
1439
01:06:52,250 --> 01:06:54,250
opportunity to truly help people with
1440
01:06:54,250 --> 01:06:56,458
this technology. Like, people with disabilities
1441
01:06:56,458 --> 01:06:58,792
and all that. And yet you’re wasting that
1442
01:06:58,792 --> 01:07:00,875
opportunity just so you can be horrible
1443
01:07:00,875 --> 01:07:02,834
and huge and worth a billion dollars like
1444
01:07:02,834 --> 01:07:05,083
all sorts of other huge shitty companies
1445
01:07:05,083 --> 01:07:07,583
that suck. It’s fucking sick.
1446
01:07:09,667 --> 01:07:12,917
- Why are the two mutually exclusive?
1447
01:07:12,917 --> 01:07:14,291
- What?
1448
01:07:14,291 --> 01:07:16,875
- Why is it that I can only either help
1449
01:07:16,875 --> 01:07:20,333
people or make Tellr a ‘billion dollar
1450
01:07:20,333 --> 01:07:22,834
huge shitty company’?
1451
01:07:22,834 --> 01:07:24,917
- Because, the time spent making it
1452
01:07:24,917 --> 01:07:26,625
a billion dollar huge shitty company
1453
01:07:26,625 --> 01:07:28,875
gets in the way. It’s a waste of focus
1454
01:07:28,875 --> 01:07:30,417
and time and energy that could be
1455
01:07:30,417 --> 01:07:32,583
better spent elsewhere.
1456
01:07:32,583 --> 01:07:34,834
- Let’s talk about ‘better spent’.
1457
01:07:34,834 --> 01:07:37,125
Do you have any idea how much Tellr
1458
01:07:37,125 --> 01:07:39,000
would be worth if we went the kind of
1459
01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:40,959
route you’d approve of?
1460
01:07:40,959 --> 01:07:43,166
Have you run the numbers?
1461
01:07:43,166 --> 01:07:45,000
Have you run them countless times,
1462
01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:47,375
and had countless people run the numbers?
1463
01:07:47,375 --> 01:07:49,542
- Of course I haven’t.
1464
01:07:49,542 --> 01:07:52,291
- A slice of pie from a pie a billion feet
1465
01:07:52,291 --> 01:07:54,542
in circumference is much larger than
1466
01:07:54,542 --> 01:07:56,708
an entire pie a couple million feet
1467
01:07:56,708 --> 01:07:59,583
in circumference.
1468
01:07:59,583 --> 01:08:01,291
- So?
1469
01:08:01,291 --> 01:08:03,708
- So, my way,
1470
01:08:03,708 --> 01:08:05,708
the way that you detest,
1471
01:08:05,708 --> 01:08:08,083
will enable me to help more people
1472
01:08:08,083 --> 01:08:10,583
than your way could ever dream of.
1473
01:08:10,583 --> 01:08:12,417
- I don’t care.
1474
01:08:12,417 --> 01:08:15,417
- I know you don’t. That’s why it’s good
1475
01:08:15,417 --> 01:08:17,583
that I’m in the position I’m in
1476
01:08:17,583 --> 01:08:20,542
and you’re not. Because I’m doing the
1477
01:08:20,542 --> 01:08:23,667
right thing, the smart thing,
1478
01:08:23,667 --> 01:08:27,417
whereas, you’d do the wrong and stupid one.
1479
01:08:30,875 --> 01:08:33,959
- I’ll wait for you outside.
1480
01:08:33,959 --> 01:08:35,500
- Outside where?
1481
01:08:35,500 --> 01:08:37,458
- The room.
1482
01:08:37,458 --> 01:08:39,083
- Once you leave this room, you will
1483
01:08:39,083 --> 01:08:40,375
have to leave the building.
1484
01:08:40,375 --> 01:08:43,083
- I’ll wait for you in front of the building then.
1485
01:08:43,083 --> 01:08:45,291
- There’s no loitering allowed in front
1486
01:08:45,291 --> 01:08:47,166
of the building. You’ll have to wait
1487
01:08:47,166 --> 01:08:49,041
somewhere across the street.
1488
01:08:49,041 --> 01:08:51,792
- I’ll wait there then.
1489
01:08:51,792 --> 01:08:53,375
I’ll see you later.
1490
01:08:53,375 --> 01:08:55,458
- Thank you for everything.
1491
01:08:55,458 --> 01:08:57,792
You were wonderfully predictable.
1492
01:08:57,792 --> 01:09:00,333
- Fuck you.
1493
01:09:15,417 --> 01:09:17,875
- Hello, Noah.
1494
01:09:17,875 --> 01:09:19,500
- Hi.
1495
01:09:19,500 --> 01:09:21,542
- I’m speaking to you alone to spare you
1496
01:09:21,542 --> 01:09:23,917
any embarrassment in front of Erica
1497
01:09:23,917 --> 01:09:27,083
for what I’m about to say to you. Although,
1498
01:09:27,083 --> 01:09:29,542
saying what I’m about to say to you would
1499
01:09:29,542 --> 01:09:32,000
probably endear you to her even more,
1500
01:09:32,000 --> 01:09:34,917
given that she detests me and is primed
1501
01:09:34,917 --> 01:09:36,917
to disagree with me vehemently on
1502
01:09:36,917 --> 01:09:38,917
pretty much anything.
1503
01:09:38,917 --> 01:09:42,166
But, you’re already pretty far with her,
1504
01:09:42,166 --> 01:09:44,125
and will probably get laid tonight
1505
01:09:44,125 --> 01:09:45,834
if you play your cards right,
1506
01:09:45,834 --> 01:09:48,959
so, the embarrassment, I think, would be
1507
01:09:48,959 --> 01:09:51,959
unnecessary. Do you understand?
1508
01:09:52,834 --> 01:09:55,333
- Uh, sure.
1509
01:09:55,333 --> 01:09:59,542
- Good. Can I ask you a question?
1510
01:09:59,542 --> 01:10:01,333
- Yeah.
1511
01:10:01,333 --> 01:10:05,083
- What does the word ‘beta’ mean to you?
1512
01:10:06,291 --> 01:10:08,542
- It means like, when you test something
1513
01:10:08,542 --> 01:10:11,542
before it’s done.
1514
01:10:11,542 --> 01:10:15,792
- Correct. But, colloquially:
1515
01:10:15,792 --> 01:10:18,917
what does it mean to you as just a casual,
1516
01:10:18,917 --> 01:10:22,708
colloquial term? A label?
1517
01:10:22,708 --> 01:10:26,000
- Well... I mean, it’s like... sometimes
1518
01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:28,625
people use it to describe like, a guy
1519
01:10:28,625 --> 01:10:31,917
who isn’t ‘alpha’ or whatever.
1520
01:10:31,917 --> 01:10:34,458
- Guy or girl, yes.
1521
01:10:34,458 --> 01:10:37,792
But what does that mean specifically?
1522
01:10:37,792 --> 01:10:41,834
Can you describe someone who is ‘beta’?
1523
01:10:41,834 --> 01:10:46,125
- Um... I guess someone who’s weak or something?
1524
01:10:46,125 --> 01:10:48,417
- Weak, yes.
1525
01:10:48,417 --> 01:10:51,083
Unassertive. Meek.
1526
01:10:51,083 --> 01:10:53,917
The list goes on.
1527
01:10:53,917 --> 01:10:56,875
Are you aware that you are 'beta'?
1528
01:10:56,875 --> 01:11:00,500
- Um... like, I guess I can be
1529
01:11:00,500 --> 01:11:02,959
sometimes, but, like, I wouldn’t define
1530
01:11:02,959 --> 01:11:05,333
myself as that.
1531
01:11:05,333 --> 01:11:07,500
- I’m going to be frank with you.
1532
01:11:07,500 --> 01:11:09,959
The beta tests we conduct
1533
01:11:09,959 --> 01:11:12,708
are literally beta tests.
1534
01:11:12,708 --> 01:11:15,250
We put people through a horrible time
1535
01:11:15,250 --> 01:11:17,834
with our product in order to see whether
1536
01:11:17,834 --> 01:11:20,041
they will behave in an alpha way
1537
01:11:20,041 --> 01:11:21,917
or a beta way.
1538
01:11:21,917 --> 01:11:25,333
Erica behave in an alpha way.
1539
01:11:25,333 --> 01:11:29,166
You behaved in a beta way.
1540
01:11:29,166 --> 01:11:31,333
Are you following?
1541
01:11:31,333 --> 01:11:34,750
- So wait, so like, this all isn’t real?
1542
01:11:34,750 --> 01:11:37,542
This is all just, like, a thing to see that?
1543
01:11:37,542 --> 01:11:40,208
- Oh, Tellr is very real.
1544
01:11:40,208 --> 01:11:42,792
Tellr is immensely real.
1545
01:11:42,792 --> 01:11:45,208
And by the end of this year, we will be the
1546
01:11:45,208 --> 01:11:48,250
first company in history to have a monopoly
1547
01:11:48,250 --> 01:11:51,250
on an entire sense: telepathy.
1548
01:11:51,250 --> 01:11:55,250
And the ramifications of that are beyond vast,
1549
01:11:55,250 --> 01:11:57,542
beyond what you could ever in a million
1550
01:11:57,542 --> 01:12:00,959
years conceive of. And so, we are
1551
01:12:00,959 --> 01:12:03,875
conducting countless tests before we roll
1552
01:12:03,875 --> 01:12:07,542
Tellr out. Tons of valuable data was collected
1553
01:12:07,542 --> 01:12:10,291
during your date with Erica. Not just whether
1554
01:12:10,291 --> 01:12:12,417
you were alpha or beta,
1555
01:12:12,417 --> 01:12:14,875
or she was alpha or beta.
1556
01:12:14,875 --> 01:12:19,166
But, I will say, the alpha or beta data
1557
01:12:19,166 --> 01:12:22,208
is of special importance.
1558
01:12:22,208 --> 01:12:25,625
Do you have any idea why?
1559
01:12:25,625 --> 01:12:26,917
- No.
1560
01:12:26,917 --> 01:12:29,625
- Because Tellr will assuredly bring about
1561
01:12:29,625 --> 01:12:34,125
a dystopia. And a dystopia needs alphas.
1562
01:12:34,125 --> 01:12:36,834
Alphas to bring the world back out from
1563
01:12:36,834 --> 01:12:40,125
the dystopia. One might say it’s a controlled
1564
01:12:40,125 --> 01:12:42,959
dystopia that we are causing, since we know
1565
01:12:42,959 --> 01:12:46,125
it will occur and are preparing for it.
1566
01:12:46,125 --> 01:12:49,208
And part of that preparation entails figuring
1567
01:12:49,208 --> 01:12:51,875
out exactly how many alphas there are
1568
01:12:51,875 --> 01:12:54,834
in the world, and how many betas.
1569
01:12:54,834 --> 01:12:56,875
The right number of alphas in the world can
1570
01:12:56,875 --> 01:12:59,708
get the world back out from any dystopia.
1571
01:12:59,708 --> 01:13:01,875
Stop me if I’m confusing you.
1572
01:13:01,875 --> 01:13:04,291
Are you getting this?
1573
01:13:04,291 --> 01:13:07,291
- I mean... I think so.
1574
01:13:07,291 --> 01:13:10,083
- It’s a lot to wrap your head around.
1575
01:13:10,083 --> 01:13:13,041
And even though it may seem like I’m telling
1576
01:13:13,041 --> 01:13:16,291
you a lot, I’m leaving out a ton that I can’t
1577
01:13:16,291 --> 01:13:19,625
really talk about. Just trust me that this
1578
01:13:19,625 --> 01:13:22,583
dystopia we are bringing about is necessary,
1579
01:13:22,583 --> 01:13:26,083
and a good thing for mankind in the long run.
1580
01:13:26,083 --> 01:13:29,792
Growing pains, so to speak. But, anyway,
1581
01:13:29,792 --> 01:13:32,291
all this brings me to a very important
1582
01:13:32,291 --> 01:13:35,333
question I have for you: do you want to be
1583
01:13:35,333 --> 01:13:38,333
an alpha or a beta?
1584
01:13:38,333 --> 01:13:42,583
- Um... I mean... alpha?
1585
01:13:50,041 --> 01:13:53,291
- These pills will make you alpha.
1586
01:13:53,291 --> 01:13:57,041
A single pill will eradicate any shred of ‘beta’
1587
01:13:57,041 --> 01:14:00,083
within you. You will become as alpha as
1588
01:14:00,083 --> 01:14:02,708
you could ever possibly become.
1589
01:14:02,708 --> 01:14:04,250
No side effects.
1590
01:14:04,250 --> 01:14:06,417
Nothing to worry about.
1591
01:14:06,417 --> 01:14:09,583
Will you take it?
1592
01:14:09,583 --> 01:14:12,166
- What’s in it?
1593
01:14:12,166 --> 01:14:14,500
- I can’t tell you that.
1594
01:14:14,500 --> 01:14:17,250
All I can tell you is that
1595
01:14:17,250 --> 01:14:18,792
if you take it,
1596
01:14:18,792 --> 01:14:21,041
you will leave here an alpha,
1597
01:14:21,041 --> 01:14:23,125
and you will be a part of what will
1598
01:14:23,125 --> 01:14:25,708
bring the world out of the dystopia
1599
01:14:25,708 --> 01:14:28,041
that we are about to cause.
1600
01:14:28,041 --> 01:14:31,750
What do you say?
1601
01:14:31,750 --> 01:14:33,917
- Um.
1602
01:14:35,333 --> 01:14:37,291
- Okay.
1603
01:14:38,500 --> 01:14:40,834
- Come to me.
1604
01:15:04,625 --> 01:15:08,417
How do you feel?
1605
01:15:08,417 --> 01:15:11,875
- I don’t know.
1606
01:15:11,875 --> 01:15:15,250
- You don’t feel different at all?
1607
01:15:15,250 --> 01:15:18,125
- Not really. Maybe a little. I don’t know.
1608
01:15:20,417 --> 01:15:22,041
- You shouldn’t feel different.
1609
01:15:22,041 --> 01:15:25,500
It was a sugar pill. There was nothing in it.
1610
01:15:25,500 --> 01:15:27,834
Thank you for choosing to take it. By doing so
1611
01:15:27,834 --> 01:15:29,875
you have just confirmed our determination
1612
01:15:29,875 --> 01:15:31,875
of you as beta.
1613
01:15:31,875 --> 01:15:33,875
Only a beta would choose the pill.
1614
01:15:33,875 --> 01:15:36,125
We’re done here, you can go now.
1615
01:15:36,125 --> 01:15:38,208
- That was a trick?
1616
01:15:38,208 --> 01:15:40,834
- Scientists don’t ‘trick’,
1617
01:15:40,834 --> 01:15:42,417
we test.
1618
01:15:42,417 --> 01:15:44,083
That will be all, you can go now.
1619
01:15:44,083 --> 01:15:47,250
- Wait, is the dystopia stuff real?
1620
01:15:47,250 --> 01:15:50,417
- Absolutely. Most definitely.
1621
01:15:50,417 --> 01:15:53,542
And you will certainly perish during it.
1622
01:15:53,542 --> 01:15:55,458
Which is good, because it means your
1623
01:15:55,458 --> 01:15:57,834
beta genes will not be passed down to
1624
01:15:57,834 --> 01:15:59,792
any offspring.
1625
01:15:59,792 --> 01:16:02,959
By the way, please use a condom with Erica.
1626
01:16:02,959 --> 01:16:04,917
She has good, solid,
1627
01:16:04,917 --> 01:16:07,542
alpha genes, and they should mix
1628
01:16:07,542 --> 01:16:09,959
with the genes of another alpha.
1629
01:16:09,959 --> 01:16:11,708
- Fuck you.
1630
01:16:11,708 --> 01:16:14,166
- By all means, enjoy yourself with her.
1631
01:16:14,166 --> 01:16:16,333
And enjoy the rest of your life,
1632
01:16:16,333 --> 01:16:19,375
what little of it you have to look forward to.
1633
01:16:19,375 --> 01:16:22,458
Just, please, be the end of your gene line.
1634
01:16:22,458 --> 01:16:24,166
- Fuck you.
1635
01:16:24,166 --> 01:16:27,708
- Thank you for your time. We are done here.
1636
01:16:27,708 --> 01:16:30,291
If you do not leave this room within the next
1637
01:16:30,291 --> 01:16:34,000
five seconds, you will be violently escorted
1638
01:16:34,000 --> 01:16:35,959
out of the building by the security guards
1639
01:16:35,959 --> 01:16:36,750
down the hall.
1640
01:16:36,750 --> 01:16:38,417
- Fuck you.
1641
01:16:58,667 --> 01:16:59,500
- How’d it go?
1642
01:16:59,500 --> 01:17:00,959
- Fuck that fucking cunt.
1643
01:17:00,959 --> 01:17:02,959
- What the fuck was up with her?
1644
01:17:02,959 --> 01:17:04,417
- Let’s get the fuck outta here.
1645
01:17:04,417 --> 01:17:05,625
- Where do you wanna go?
1646
01:17:05,625 --> 01:17:07,583
- We’re going to my place.
1646
01:17:08,305 --> 01:17:14,734
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