Original subtitles

You're home late. I was just starting to get worried.

Sorry, there was a mandatory office-wide safety meeting today and it ran way over.

- Oh, yeah? What about? - Well, there's this very dangerous virus

that's been wreaking havoc all over the world, and it's highly communicable.

Oh, God. What do we do?

Well, we can stay alert, for one.

Also, I bought these latex gloves

and particulate respirator masks, just in case.

We should check in on our neighbors

and keep an ample supply of filtered water on hand.

Good idea, Brad.

If we let our guard down for one second,

this virus could destroy us all.

You forgot one thing, Janet.

What's that, Brad?

We live in the greatest country in the world.

We live in the United States of America.

And if we all do our part and follow instructions

from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,

everything will be fine.

The United States government will protect us.

- They always do! - They always do!

Not bad.

Cut the part about the filtered water, but otherwise, I think we're fine.

Get this filmed as soon as possible and out to all the major networks,

which, I guess, nowadays includes Netflix.

Okay, we have 24 hours before the meeting goes down.

This is the spot.

This is where the creator of the virus

is gonna meet up with the buyer to deliver the cure.

We're gonna watch that deal go down,

we I.D. the perps, then we move in.

Are they just gonna willingly give themselves up to us?

Yeah, of course.

Or, I don't know, we could also get murdered.

I'm not sure about that.

This is crazy!

We're in way over our heads, Owen. We can't do this. I don't...

- I'm done, I'm done. I wanna go home. - Hey!

Now, listen to me. Come here.

Remember what happened to us in Berlin?

- Yeah. - We got shot out of the sky

- and left for dead. - Yeah.

- No backup or support. And what'd we do? - Yeah.

We kicked ass.

And then we continued to kick ass in Florence, Sudan, Denmark, and France.

Also Florida.

To a lesser degree, Latvia. And now, here we are in beautiful...

- Shanghai. - Yes!

Shanghai. China.

- Which is where we are. - Yes.

But isn't it a matter for the police?

We are the police.

And we're doctors,

- which makes us... - Cop doctors.

I was gonna say "doctor cops." I like that better.

Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do,

but you know what would make me feel better? Guns.

I really thought they were gonna let us bring 'em on the plane.

- That's my bad. - Well, now, what are we gonna do about it?

Well, I do know a guy here in Shanghai, but he's not gonna be happy to see me.

So why'd you two have a falling out?

Honestly,

I don't even remember.

Former police sergeant Edgar Toobey,

my old mentor!

Former detective Owen Maestro, the man who gave me my limp.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why.

Come here, you family-sized bag of Rolos!

Okay.

Hi, I'm Lola. Owen and I are partners.

What a place.

- Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. - Thank you.

Wow. This is... this is...

So how is my old shooting instructor?

- Fine, thank you. - Oh, you taught Owen how to shoot?

I did my best.

Accidentally shoot anyone lately, Maestro?

- Very funny. - No, actually, yeah!

He shot a kid by mistake in Berlin just a couple days ago.

No, I meant to shoot that kid, I just shouldn't have.

Anyway, I know our friendship ended on an awkward note.

- When you shot me. - Accidentally discharged my weapon.

Into my hip.

Through your hip.

The point is this: much like that bullet, we've moved on.

I've realized my dream of becoming a doctor,

and you moved to China to fulfill

your dream of being able to do dishes while you poo.

That wasn't my dream, Owen.

Yes, it's a pretty swank perk,

but this was my dream...

Oh, yeah!

Your dream was to introduce American newspaper cartooning

to underprivileged Chinese kids.

Newspaper cartooning is a useful skill to have in the 21st century,

and I'm helping disadvantaged Chinese youths stay off the streets.

It's a good way to give back to the community,

now that I can't be a cop anymore.

- Because Owen shot you? - Bingo.

Ming, try using curly-cue lines around his body

to indicate he smells bad.

Remember, "show, don't tell."

See how the sweat lines show us

how stressed out Cathy is?

Hey, Owen, check this out.

Look at Dilbert.

- Panel one, there's a lady right there. - Yeah.

Lady disappears in panel three. We just see her feet.

That means something crazy happened in panel two.

Right? Where'd she go?

This is really interesting stuff, Edgar... I mean, beautiful,

but we came here for a reason...

Yeah, we need to ask you a favor.

Step into my office, which also serves as my kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom.

You mean the room we were just in?

That's the one. Come on.

All right, after lunch we're gonna work on dogs drinking coffee.

What's up?

Pull up a toilet,

- we'll tell you the whole story. - Yeah.

It all started when two university students arrived at Childrens...

So the meeting's tomorrow in a public place,

but if things go down, we're gonna need some firepower.

Ah, wish I could be of assistance, but I'm out of that game.

I banished guns from my life once I realized how much they hurt people.

You didn't realize guns hurt people?

Not till I got shot. I'm an experience-based learner.

Look, Sarge,

maybe I couldn't always shoot straight, but I'm a straight shooter,

and here comes a truth bullet that I hope pierces your heart.

We need some backup and if we don't get it, we're burnt toast.

Please, help us.

Dammit, Maestro!

- Yeah! We got him! - Not so fast!

- I can't come along with you on this. - What?

But I can help in the gun department.

I still have a few pieces laying around from the old days.

I thought you banished all the guns.

I did. I banished them to here.

All right, let me show you around this pretty little lady.

Right here,

- you got your no shooty button. - Okay.

Okay, they call this the long part.

And here is your pusher. Makes the bullets go. You push it.

Okay.

Ah, let's see...

- What's this look like to you? - A switchblade.

Even better.

Whoa!

- It's a comb. - Whoa!

Good for when you want your hair in the same direction.

- Sure. - And, uh,

of course you've got your ear pieces so you can communicate,

- a couple pairs of cuffs. - All right.

I don't know how to thank you, Sarge.

You sure you don't wanna come with us? We could use a good shot.

Hmm. Maybe some day.

This is probably gonna be the only time we ever ask you that.

Maybe some day.

- Oh, this is nice. - Uh...

Just the one bed.

- It wasn't supposed to be like that. Um... - No.

- Oh! I'll just call down. - Great.

Okay.

Yeah, hi, um, we were hoping to get a room with two beds.

Do you have anything available?

We have three other rooms. A room with one twin bed, a nice view,

but no ceiling.

A room with ten folding chairs and no bed.

And one room with gas fumes, no door, no floor.

- Would you like to switch to one of those? - You want the one with the gas?

No, I feel like because it doesn't have a door...

Oh.

You know what, we'll just stay with this room, thank you.

Thank you.

Okay. Well.

- Hey, they've got a mini bar. - Great!

- You want a drink or a beer or anything? - Yeah.

- Hey! Owen! - Whoa!

- On your knees, motherfucker! - That's not cool.

- Point it down. - What?

Don't do that. People don't do that. Here, give it to me.

Okay.

- That's not how you hold a gun. - Sorry.

- You don't hold a gun like that. - Okay.

- Now let me show you. - All right.

- Here, get behind me a little bit. - Okay.

Put your hand here where my wrist is. I'll show you.

All right, and then put your other hand on my shoulder.

- On my shoulder. - Okay.

All right, and then feel if it's in close to your body, like this.

- Yeah. - You have better control over it

and better range, right?

Yeah, I can feel it.

- So that's that. - Great! Cool.

Yeah. Hey, let's make some drinks and get some target practice in.

Oh!

- ♪ Set the world on fire ♪ - Cheers!

♪ It's your time ♪

♪ So do whatever you like ♪

- Happy New Year! - ♪ It's your life ♪

♪ You got the stars in your eyes ♪

Happy Flag Day!

♪ Set the world on fire Light up the skies ♪

♪ Stars in your eyes ♪

♪ Make them shine ♪

Spratt, Lola Spratt.

- That was good! - That was great.

Oh, this comb is amazing.

I just wish I had enough of a mustache to, like, really take it for a spin.

Hey, Owen.

You know, I know why you did that whole training thing,

and it wasn't because I needed it.

Yes, it was.

What I needed was confidence.

I just feel so ready right now. Yeah.

Those are some sensible pajamas.

Thanks.

Hey, um...

I've been meaning to ask you, why didn't you ever become a virologist?

What do you mean?

I mean, you're so good at all this virus crap.

How'd you end up in pediatrics?

Well...

you know, I don't even remember.

I guess I just got turned off to it.

Guess we should get some sleep.

Yeah.

- Yeah, we got a big day tomorrow, right? - Mm-hmm.

Um...

Why don't you take the bed, and I will sleep on the toilet.

What? No, that's so silly.

You take the bed, I'll sleep on the toilet.

No, no. Honestly, I prefer to sleep on the toilet.

I sleep on the toilet at home in the summer when it's hot.

Okay, now you're lying,

but it's a nice kind of lie.

It's a big bed!

I mean, I'm fine to share it if you are.

I mean, just to sleep.

Yeah, just to sleep.

I mean, what else do people even do on beds?

I wouldn't know.

- I only sleep. - Oh, I am dead to the world,

- and I'm so tired. - Oh, I'm so tired.

- Yeah. - I am tired.

Oh, wow.

What a restful night's sleep.

I agree in total.

Remember, Nikolai said both parties will be wearing red hats

- so that they can recognize each other. - Copy that, partner.

- Oh, I'm still a little nervous. - Don't be nervous.

- I'll be in your ear the whole time. - You'll be in my what?

In your ear.

Oh.

I thought you said you'll be in my rear.

And I was like, "Uh, no thank you. Exit only."

I was like, "Learned that lesson the hard way."

Ooh...

I was like, "Really enjoyed it in college, but I don't know, my tastes have changed."

I thought...

that's what I thought you said.

No, I said "ear."

- Okay. Great. - Let's get into position.

Remember, they'll both be wearing red hats.

Well, there's our virus creator.

Professor Waters?

- Oh, shit! - What the hell?

I knew there was something about that guy.

Let's sit tight until we see who he's meeting with...

Lola!

Lola! What are you doing?

- Professor Waters! - Lola!

You tell me that there's a good reason why you're here!

I wish there were.

My whole world is falling apart in front of me.

- Listen, Lola, I... I can explain. - So, explain!

I needed the money.

Do you know how expensive it is to do the kind of research that I do?

Lola, what are you doing?

Look, I didn't know who was buying the research, or what the purpose was.

After everything that you have claimed to believe in for all of these years,

how could you just...

Because someone noticed me!

What?

It's been so many years since someone noticed anything at all about my work.

Do you have any idea how that feels?

Yes, I do.

Lola, don't let your guard down.

Lola. Lola, can you hear me?

Lola, can you hear me? These aren't working.

Sir, I've got Lola Spratt on site.

She's engaged with the target.

Again, she's engaged with the target, please advise.

Please advise, sir.

Sir, do you copy?

Proceed as planned. Get the cure from Waters, then...

take them out.

- Come again, sir. - I said kill them both.

Copy that.

Dammit.

Lola, it's a trap. Get out of there!

Lola, Lola.

Lola!

Dammit!

- Oh, shit! - Lola, run!

What the hell is happening?

- My hat! - No, leave it! There's no time!

Waters, in here!

- You need to go. - What?

What?

You need to get the cure to someone who can use it, anyone but these guys.

No way, he's not going anywhere! Do not let him go!

He's responsible for the whole outbreak!

Yeah, and right now he's the only one who can fix it! Go!

Do not move!

He's getting out of here.

Don't make me choose between the two of you, Owen.

Go! Now!

Come on!

What's up, docs?

Ow, my dick.

Who's shooting?

Collins?

God dammit, Collins!

Go, go!

Couldn't resist showing you how it's done one more time.

Sergeant Toobey! You old fatted calf!

For the record, could have shot you too,

- but I didn't. - I owe you one, Edgar.

No problemo.

Take care of yourself, Maestro.

Always remember what Garfield the cat once said:

"I don't care about the lasagna as a whole.

- I appreciate the layers." - Copy that.

We have to get outta here. Come on.

Halt! Put your hands up and get down on the ground.

- McIntyre? - How are you alive?

What does it matter? Just help us.

These are the ones.

- What? - What the hell?

Take them to jail.

- But... - What's going on?

- What? - McIntyre?

Why would you do this?

I am changing my opinion about you!