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1
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:28,327
Can I help you?
2
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,263
Oh, Hi, there. [chuckles]
3
00:00:30,263 --> 00:00:31,532
Where did you come from?
4
00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:34,067
I'm just waiting
for the museum to open.
5
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:35,502
Just a normal shark
6
00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:37,170
doing normal shark things.
7
00:00:37,170 --> 00:00:38,805
-Don't... Don't worry about me.
-[alarm blaring]
8
00:00:38,805 --> 00:00:40,740
We got 'em! It's go time.
9
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:42,241
Halt! Thieves.
10
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:44,578
[dramatic music playing]
11
00:00:44,677 --> 00:00:46,079
Aquaman?
12
00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:50,484
Yes, noble guard.
It is I, The Aquaman,
13
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:53,387
protector of the deep blue
and all its inhabitants.
14
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:54,655
It is an honor.
15
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:58,124
I will apprehend
these air breathers.
16
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,793
You give chase
to their co-conspirators.
17
00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:02,429
[Atlantean guard]
Yes, my liege.
18
00:01:04,463 --> 00:01:05,733
[laughing cunningly]
19
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,436
[Dr. Psycho humming]
20
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:16,475
-[intense music playing]
-[laughing maniacally]
21
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:17,778
All right,
let's get outta here--
22
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:18,778
Ow!
23
00:01:20,546 --> 00:01:22,649
I spoil your little party?
24
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:26,152
Ha-ha! It is I, Aquaman,
25
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:29,489
son of Atlan,
heir to the throne of Atlantis.
26
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:30,489
[groans]
27
00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:31,792
I must say, King Shark,
28
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,626
your mother
would be most displeased
29
00:01:33,626 --> 00:01:35,629
to find you
in this plebeian company.
30
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:36,897
You're not my dad!
31
00:01:36,996 --> 00:01:39,198
That is contrary
to what she said.
32
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:41,134
-Ah-ha-hoy!
-[dolphin squeaking]
33
00:01:41,233 --> 00:01:42,736
Let us now dispense
with the levity.
34
00:01:42,835 --> 00:01:45,237
I am going to need
the Atlantean jewels
35
00:01:45,237 --> 00:01:46,540
with which you absconded.
36
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:47,608
Bravo!
37
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,376
What magnificent word choice.
38
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,778
You are truly
the Shakespeare of the sea.
39
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,546
I prefer to think of myself
40
00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:55,248
as the Dickens of the Deep.
41
00:01:56,215 --> 00:01:57,551
Hey. Deep Dickens.
42
00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:59,319
Let's wrap up
this episode of Frasier
43
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:01,388
so we can get back to getting
the hell out of here.
44
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:02,822
-[dolphin squeaks]
-[Aquaman laughs]
45
00:02:02,822 --> 00:02:05,793
She certainly is that.
[snooty laugh]
46
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,293
What did that dolphin
say about me?
47
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:08,762
Oh, I don't speak dolphin.
48
00:02:08,861 --> 00:02:11,598
I know a little porpoise,
but--
49
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:14,668
What villainous reject
have you deigned to summon?
50
00:02:16,368 --> 00:02:17,704
[dramatic music playing]
51
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:18,806
[pained squeak]
52
00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:24,777
Did somebody call for... kelp?
53
00:02:26,879 --> 00:02:28,281
[Aquaman groans]
54
00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:30,850
Unkelp me, plant witch.
55
00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:31,850
Let's go.
56
00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:35,656
Yes. Run. Run!
57
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,792
I, Aquaman, will retrieve
my family's jewels,
58
00:02:38,891 --> 00:02:42,695
-and the sirens will sing
of my revenge for eterni--
-[ship horn blares]
59
00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:45,699
Ow... Juba? A little help?
60
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:46,733
[squeaks]
61
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:48,467
[sighs]
62
00:02:48,467 --> 00:02:50,402
Harley Quinn and her crew made
Aquaman look like a member
63
00:02:50,402 --> 00:02:52,838
of the Justice B Leaguethis afternoon,
64
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,776
and made off with a setof ancient Atlantean jewels.
65
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:58,510
The standout of the crewwas Poison Ivy...
66
00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,979
[sighs]
I'm so sick of hearing this.
67
00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:01,979
Um, I am not part of the crew.
68
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:04,717
I was asked for a favor.
I provided said favor.
69
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:05,853
End of story.
70
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,520
Holy shit!
Guys, guys, listen.
71
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:08,788
"Dear Ms. Quinn,
72
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,723
based on your recent
evil efforts,
73
00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:13,360
the Legion of Doom
invites you and your crew
74
00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:17,396
to our headquarters to discuss
further possibilities."
75
00:03:17,396 --> 00:03:18,396
[squeals]
76
00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:20,400
[theme music playing]
77
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,804
Guys, this is what
we've been workin' towards.
78
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:25,271
Dump Joker, check.
79
00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:27,007
Get noticed by
the Legion of Doom, check.
80
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:28,542
Oh! I did it!
81
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,544
Even though no one said
I could run a crew.
82
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,778
What? Hello. Hi.
83
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:33,080
I said that you
could run a crew.
84
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,548
Yeah, but you're my friend.
85
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:35,782
Uh, come on,
it's like when your mom says
86
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,050
you're the prettiest girl
in school.
87
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:40,621
[gasps]
That's what my mom said.
88
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:44,858
Shark genitalia is very hard
to see. Until it isn't.
89
00:03:44,959 --> 00:03:46,492
This is huge for us.
90
00:03:46,592 --> 00:03:48,795
Means we might get
to move out of this shithole.
91
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:52,299
I will have you know,
Norm Dilfer,
92
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,501
the Carpet King of Gotham
93
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,638
found this mall
more than satisfactory.
94
00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,841
[Tentacle Monster growling]
95
00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,675
What the heck is that noise?
96
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,478
Oh yeah, that shit's
been keepin' me up.
97
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,145
I haven't been able to get
a lick of sleep for days.
98
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,314
I... I didn't hear any noise.
99
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:11,784
And you can count me out of
this Legion of Doom business.
100
00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:13,687
Hey Harley, since I've been
banned for life,
101
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:14,955
I probably shouldn't come.
102
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,622
But maybe you can mention
I'm reformed
103
00:04:16,622 --> 00:04:18,458
and I don't call women
[bleep] anymore?
104
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,660
You know, don't push it,
but if it comes up organically.
105
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:21,894
Yeah, I don't really
see a scenario
106
00:04:21,894 --> 00:04:23,562
where that comes up
organically,
107
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:24,663
but I'll get ya in.
108
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,000
Well, congrats, Harls.
109
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,834
You're on the verge
of achieving your dream
110
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:30,004
and I... I really do wish
I could be there to see it.
111
00:04:30,004 --> 00:04:32,305
But your name's
on the invitation.
You gotta come.
112
00:04:32,305 --> 00:04:34,774
Well, that's clearly a misprint
because I'm--
113
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,576
[all] Not in the crew.
We've heard.
114
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:37,677
Yeah. What they said.
115
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,478
Fine. Be like that.
116
00:04:39,478 --> 00:04:41,882
[sighs dramatically]
I guess if I run
into Joker there,
117
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,350
I'll just deal with it
118
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,786
without my best friend
by my side.
119
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,855
[sighs] Okay, I'll go.
120
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,379
I knew you would.
121
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:51,824
[Scarecrow] Pretty cool, huh?
122
00:04:51,824 --> 00:04:53,660
All the heavy hitters,
123
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:56,797
Sinestro, Lex Luthor,
Roger Goodell.
124
00:04:56,896 --> 00:05:00,500
Ooh, uh, FYI,
we stand for the anthem here.
125
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:04,437
This is
the big leagues of evil.
126
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:06,773
[laughs cunningly]
127
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,341
Oh! Think this
might interest you.
128
00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:11,444
It goes throughout
the entire office.
129
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:16,449
[squeals joyfully] Is that
a fake diver and a castle?
130
00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:17,951
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
131
00:05:18,052 --> 00:05:20,553
That's a real diver,
and you're free to eat him.
132
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,689
[screams with joy]
A real diver?
133
00:05:22,788 --> 00:05:24,757
[muffled voice]
A real diver?
134
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,959
Is it my birthday?
[continues laughing]
135
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:28,512
Ah, what'd I tell ya
about this place?
136
00:05:28,512 --> 00:05:30,629
Did I lie? Did I fuckin' lie?
I did not fuckin' lie.
137
00:05:30,629 --> 00:05:33,132
Also heard
we have an actor here.
138
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,468
We do improv every Wednesday.
139
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,004
Huzzah!
140
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,906
And we've got every resource
your crew could want.
141
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:42,009
So, you've got a fish tank
and you do improv?
142
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,911
Wow, you're my shitty
college boyfriend.
143
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,545
Oh, all right, yeah, I mean,
144
00:05:45,644 --> 00:05:47,081
did your college
boyfriend have...
145
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,615
A kryptonite-powered submarine
146
00:05:49,615 --> 00:05:51,418
that can turn into a car
and shoot missiles.
147
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:52,952
We have three of them.
148
00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:56,122
And they're available
to our members at any time.
149
00:05:58,125 --> 00:05:59,892
[elevator dings]
150
00:05:59,992 --> 00:06:02,096
Harley. So glad
you could make it.
151
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:04,064
Lex, this place is amazing.
152
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,177
Not too bad, huh?
153
00:06:05,177 --> 00:06:07,826
The grenade vending machine
and Kombucha on tap.
154
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:09,269
I mean, you guys
thought of everything.
155
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:11,904
I've been watching you
ever since you went solo,
156
00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:14,074
and I haven't seen
an evil rising star like you
157
00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:16,810
since, well, since me.
158
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:17,810
Hey, buddy?
159
00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:19,550
Now that you're done
kissing your own asshole...
160
00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:20,550
That's not a phrase.
161
00:06:20,550 --> 00:06:21,668
...why are we here?
162
00:06:21,668 --> 00:06:24,218
Look, I'm sure you know
about prospective member night.
163
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:26,418
Where every Legion member
can nominate someone to join?
164
00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:30,589
Well, Harley,
guess who I nominated? You.
165
00:06:30,589 --> 00:06:31,589
[squeals]
166
00:06:31,589 --> 00:06:33,259
So, come back tonight
for the party,
167
00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:35,262
meet everyone,
see how you mesh,
168
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:36,963
and, maybe if it goes well,
169
00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:39,132
you could be the next member
of the LOD.
170
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,567
That's what we call
the Legion of Doom.
171
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:42,769
Oh, is that what it stand for?
172
00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:44,271
I thought it was
Legion of Dildos.
173
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:45,800
That is a sex shop
down the street
174
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,740
with whom we're currently
in a protracted legal battle.
175
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,543
-So, I'll see you guys tonight?
-Uh, damn right you will.
176
00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:52,846
Oh, hey, do I need
to get my parking validated?
177
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,014
We don't validate.
178
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,050
So evil.
179
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,500
Hey, let's hit the gift shop.
180
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,819
They have those
mini-license plates
181
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,086
with your name on 'em.
182
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:01,988
Oh, um, yeah, yeah,
knock yourself out.
183
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,723
I... I'm gonna catch up
with you in a bit.
184
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,194
Hey, so what is your deal?
185
00:07:05,194 --> 00:07:06,927
Like, why are you suddenly
so interested in Harley
186
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,595
after treating her like shit
for months?
187
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,297
Do you know how many
invitations we've sent to you?
188
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:11,761
Jesus, I dunno, millions.
189
00:07:11,761 --> 00:07:15,569
Calm down, it's 148.
And every time you rebuff us.
190
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:16,903
Because I don't want to join
191
00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:18,872
your self-important
sausage party.
192
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:20,540
-Hey. We have a woman.
-Good for you.
193
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:22,776
I'm blanking on her name
right now, but she's lovely.
194
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:23,776
Great.
195
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:27,560
[dramatic music playing]
196
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,983
Do you want to play around
or you want to get serious?
197
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:32,252
Love that.
198
00:07:32,353 --> 00:07:34,021
You're the only one
that can do that,
199
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,255
which is why you're right.
200
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:37,790
I don't want Harley.
I want you.
201
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,927
Then why did you
fuckin' invite her?
202
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:42,562
Why did the Golden Globes
nominate The Martian
for best comedy?
203
00:07:42,661 --> 00:07:44,098
They wanted Matt Damon to show.
204
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,766
In this metaphor,
you're Matt Damon.
205
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:48,235
Yes, okay, I get it.
206
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,269
It was just a very stupid
and outdated reference.
207
00:07:50,271 --> 00:07:51,557
I don't see a lot of movies.
208
00:07:51,557 --> 00:07:54,007
Look, I'm not joining
the Legion of Doom, okay?
209
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,608
Or the LOD or the whatever.
210
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:56,944
That's totally fine.
211
00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,577
Oh, just one thing
I forget to mention.
212
00:07:58,577 --> 00:08:00,913
If you don't join,
Harley doesn't get in either.
213
00:08:03,682 --> 00:08:05,052
Okay, they don't have Harley,
214
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,288
but this is close enough.
Isn't this place awesome?
215
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:12,158
[snoring]
216
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,295
[Tentacle Monster growling]
217
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:16,062
God damn it!
218
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,264
Son of a bitch.
219
00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:18,999
I didn't hear a damn thing.
220
00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:20,300
[Tentacle Monster growling]
221
00:08:20,401 --> 00:08:21,668
What? You didn't here that?
222
00:08:23,702 --> 00:08:25,538
Oh, that thing?
223
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,040
-Yes.
-Eh.
224
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,108
That's just the pipes.
225
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:29,810
[Tentacle Monster growling]
226
00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:33,113
Ahh!
227
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:36,283
[screaming]
228
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,019
[groaning]
229
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,384
[breathing heavily]
230
00:08:41,384 --> 00:08:44,024
Yeah, I'm gonna need you
to go ahead and explain that.
231
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,025
[sighs] Okay.
232
00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:47,927
There may be
233
00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:50,562
a giant tentacle monster
in the basement.
234
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:53,063
[music playing]
235
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,903
[metal detector buzzes]
236
00:08:57,904 --> 00:09:00,774
Are you sure you took
everything out of your pockets?
237
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:05,144
Phone? Keys?
Your metal exoskeleton?
238
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:08,148
-Check your weapons, please.
-Ooh.
239
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,017
Uh, That's not a weapon.
240
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:14,120
Fine, but when I act someone
to death, you'll be blamed.
241
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,789
Hey, do you... Do you think
Joker is gonna be here?
242
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:18,892
Hey, ya know what?
I... I don't give a shit.
243
00:09:18,991 --> 00:09:20,293
Nope, don't care.
244
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:22,995
Ooh, there's my competition,
KG Beast. Huh.
245
00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:25,932
Not so scary when they make him
take off his machine gun arm.
246
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:29,269
Harls, look at this place.
I mean, this isn't you.
247
00:09:29,370 --> 00:09:30,600
But it can be.
248
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,438
I mean, it's aspirational
and classy and shit.
249
00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:33,899
Classy? Okay.
250
00:09:33,899 --> 00:09:36,009
'Cause this morning you drank
cereal out of a blender.
251
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,244
Let's all remember that.
252
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,778
Okay, my other cereal cups
were dirty.
253
00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:39,946
Look, I gotta go mingle.
254
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:43,182
What did you say to me?
255
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:46,219
Oh, I have not turned my back
on the aquatic world.
256
00:09:46,220 --> 00:09:49,855
It turned its back on me.
257
00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:52,359
Oh, well, you can
kindly go fuck yourself!
258
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:57,398
Well, if it isn't Ivy-licious.
259
00:09:57,498 --> 00:10:00,033
[laughs] The wind
beneath my wings.
260
00:10:00,134 --> 00:10:02,336
Hey. [laughs]
261
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:05,239
So like, did you get an invite
to this thing or--
262
00:10:05,339 --> 00:10:08,908
Naw, naw, I picked up
a catering gig actually, yeah.
263
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:12,245
Bein' Ivy's boyfriend,
it is pricey.
264
00:10:12,346 --> 00:10:15,014
But you are worth it.
265
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,417
[chuckles] Chicken satay?
266
00:10:16,517 --> 00:10:18,717
Yeah, sure.
267
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:21,989
[embarrassed groan] I will
blow you up, you chicken satay.
268
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:23,789
Or, why don't
you take that anger,
269
00:10:23,889 --> 00:10:25,392
put it in your feelings pocket
270
00:10:25,493 --> 00:10:27,327
and I'm going give you
this whole tray.
271
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,995
Why are you talkin' to him?
272
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:31,798
What? He outclasses
any of these idiots. Okay?
273
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,033
This is the problem
with this place.
274
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,234
It's like a boys club.
275
00:10:34,235 --> 00:10:35,836
It's like a...
it's like a goddamn frat.
276
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:37,803
[dramatic music playing]
277
00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:39,905
It is I, Aquaman,
278
00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:41,140
son of Atlan,
279
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,808
heir to the throne of--
280
00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:44,410
[villain 1] Boo to you!
281
00:10:44,412 --> 00:10:45,812
[clears throat]
To the throne of--
282
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:46,812
[villain 2] Boo!
283
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:49,216
You two stole my family jewels.
284
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:50,878
[villain 1] Your balls?
285
00:10:50,878 --> 00:10:52,352
-Oh, grow up, Sinestro.
I know that was you.
-[villain 1 laughs]
286
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:53,386
You have no proof.
287
00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:56,155
[Tentacle Monster growls]
288
00:10:56,255 --> 00:10:57,480
Let's kill it.
289
00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:00,961
Ah, or... Or we can do
what I usually do.
290
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:03,029
Lower some livestock
down the hole,
291
00:11:03,029 --> 00:11:05,097
walk away, wait a few weeks,
292
00:11:05,099 --> 00:11:06,832
and, uh, hope it calms down.
293
00:11:06,932 --> 00:11:09,235
If you won't deal with that
noise-making abomination,
294
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:10,235
then I will.
295
00:11:10,235 --> 00:11:11,871
She's not an abomination.
296
00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:16,176
She's my sister. My sister.
297
00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:18,445
Yeah, I'm definitely
gonna need you to explain that.
298
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:23,082
I warned you
and you paid me no heed.
299
00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:26,986
So now, taste the salty brine
of my sweet--
300
00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:28,422
Argh! [choking]
301
00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:29,923
-Hah!
-[groans]
302
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,023
[grunts]
303
00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:34,061
Shit! Shit, shit, shit.
304
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:35,895
Be with me, Konstantin.
305
00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:40,366
Brother, it is I,
the Superman, from Kryptalon.
306
00:11:40,466 --> 00:11:42,302
And these people
are not your enemy--
307
00:11:42,403 --> 00:11:43,403
[grunts]
308
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,340
Not my worst review.
309
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:48,823
[growls]
310
00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:57,283
Kite Man to the rescue.
311
00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:58,475
I'll protect us, babe.
312
00:11:58,475 --> 00:12:00,052
Maybe they took the weapons
from the guests
313
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,488
but they didn't check...
314
00:12:01,589 --> 00:12:02,822
The help.
315
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,861
Oh, cross wind, oh, shi...
316
00:12:08,961 --> 00:12:10,797
Did he just call you "babe"?
317
00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:13,200
[hesitantly] I... You know,
I... Maybe.
318
00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:17,937
Call off your dogs, Luthor.
319
00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:20,640
Not everyone has to suffer
at my hands today.
320
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,876
This is between me and them.
321
00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:27,413
By "them" I think you mean me.
322
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,383
Hello, Arthur.
323
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,519
David, it's not
always about you.
324
00:12:32,620 --> 00:12:35,422
But it's not
not about me either.
325
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,458
[screams]
326
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:39,525
[Poison Ivy grunts]
327
00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:40,525
Ivy!
328
00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:48,568
Ow!
329
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,238
[grunts]
330
00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:54,441
May Poseidon have mercy
on your soul.
331
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:01,280
Hey, fish dick,
why don't you go back
to the ocean?
332
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:05,152
Otherwise known as
"the world's toilet."
[laughs]
333
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:06,186
[guest] Boo.
334
00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:07,988
Oh, so no ocean jokes?
335
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:10,990
Uh, it seems like
political-iggical
correct culture
336
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:13,025
is killing the comedy.
337
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,162
[gasps]
338
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,264
No, no, no, no.
339
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:22,364
Oh God, oh God.
No, no, no no no.
340
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:26,539
[fish] Ah.
341
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,908
Help me.
342
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,177
Ah! What have I done?
343
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,446
My brothers. Oh, my brothers!
344
00:13:32,546 --> 00:13:34,081
Aquaman!
345
00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:37,250
Look, I am stomping
on your fish. Stomping!
346
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:38,918
Bane, stop it.
347
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:41,288
Hey, there's a YMCA pool
down the street.
348
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:42,956
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
349
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:47,293
Just throw saltwater fish
into a chlorinated pool.
350
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,096
Water's water, I guess.
351
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:51,264
Come on. What are you, four?
352
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,899
[all cheering]
353
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:58,638
Huzzah!
354
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,750
[Sy] What I'm about
to tell you,
355
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:12,251
I've never told to anyone.
356
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:15,456
My sister Mirielle and I
were both CIA.
357
00:14:15,556 --> 00:14:18,625
She was a top scientist,the best!
358
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:21,927
And in the '80s, cocaine
and animal hybridization
359
00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:23,028
were all the rage.
360
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,431
-[neighing]
-[roaring]
361
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:27,234
I was Langley's go-to cleaner.
362
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:28,601
You know what "go-to" is?
363
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,336
It's the guy you go to!
364
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,004
If there was a mess,
365
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:35,041
I was the manto take care of it.
366
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:36,509
My missions took me
367
00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:41,610
from jungle treetopsto the sea floor.
368
00:14:41,782 --> 00:14:45,184
So, I asked Mirie if she could
make a hybrid for me,
369
00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:47,287
one that could aid me
on my missions.
370
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:49,221
A half-monkey, half-octopus,
371
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:52,458
or as it's commonly known,a Monkeypuss.
372
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,059
[monkey gibber]
373
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,962
She said
it was against protocol.
374
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:58,465
[monkey gibber]
375
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,200
But I just kept bugging her,
376
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:03,135
and finally, because ofhow much she loved me,
377
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:05,272
she agreed to try.
378
00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:08,341
As you might've guessed,
it all went horribly wrong.
379
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:11,278
[monkey gibber]
380
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:15,581
[screaming]
381
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:19,152
Psycho,
meet my sister Mirielle.
382
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,153
She's a mop?
383
00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:22,623
No, she's not a mop.
384
00:15:22,623 --> 00:15:24,957
It's the janitor's closet.
I made a mistake, so kill me.
385
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:27,561
Here's Mirielle.
386
00:15:28,662 --> 00:15:30,496
[roaring]
387
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:36,001
Saving the Legion of Doom
from a member
of the Justice League.
388
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:41,001
I mean even if it was Aquaman,
ugh, that is gettin' me in.
389
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:47,648
Look, even if ya don't get in,
390
00:15:47,748 --> 00:15:50,616
it's still pretty cool
to be nominated, right? Right?
391
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:53,285
Uh, no. I would do
a header out that window
392
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,556
and let my brains smash
all over the sidewalk.
393
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,191
[forced laughter]
You're joking.
394
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,259
Last chance.
Sure you don't want in?
395
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,229
Harley is good enough
to get in on her own.
396
00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:03,864
You saw what she just did
to Aquaman.
397
00:16:03,864 --> 00:16:05,331
Let her in.
398
00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:06,533
I mean, for God's sake,
you let Bane in.
399
00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:08,567
Lot of politics involved there.
400
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,470
So, your final answer's a no?
401
00:16:10,571 --> 00:16:11,770
[sighs]
402
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:19,144
We all know why we're here,
403
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:20,447
and I'm happy to say,
404
00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,282
the Legion has voted,
405
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,283
and we have a new member.
406
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,052
Harley. Join me.
407
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,453
Just fuck these guys.
408
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,054
Ive, what are you
talkin' about?
409
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,091
This year was a fine crop.
410
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,760
But one person
stood above the rest.
411
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,363
Just you and me.
Like we'll start our own thing.
412
00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:38,298
It'll be...
It'll be Harley and Ivy.
413
00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,734
Y'know we'll get those matching
flame retardant jumpsuits
414
00:16:40,835 --> 00:16:42,802
you've always wanted.
You love those.
415
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:44,100
You mean the one
where yours says
416
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:45,905
"Yaass" and mine says "Kween."
417
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:47,807
Yaass. Yaass.
418
00:16:47,908 --> 00:16:49,475
No, no, no. No, come on.
419
00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:51,076
You told me
to leave the Joker for this,
420
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:53,212
and now I'm here and
it's gonna damn well happen.
421
00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:54,514
Harley, listen to me.
422
00:16:54,615 --> 00:16:57,384
This person
is an absolute machine.
423
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,386
They don't want you. Okay?
424
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:01,654
They never wanted you.
425
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,590
They were just using you
to get to me.
426
00:17:03,691 --> 00:17:06,393
And I'd like to welcome
our newest member,
427
00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:08,127
Harley Quinn!
428
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:09,162
[cheering]
429
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:10,196
Harley, you did it!
430
00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:11,632
Congratulations, Harley!
431
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,231
[screams]
432
00:17:17,371 --> 00:17:19,105
Hey, thanks
for believin' in me.
433
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:23,442
No. [sighs] I... I was just
trying to protect you.
434
00:17:23,544 --> 00:17:26,480
Harley Quinn, welcome
to the Legion of Doom.
435
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,584
[all cheering]
436
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,287
[melancholy music playing]
437
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:38,290
Fine. You want
to join those assholes?
438
00:17:38,392 --> 00:17:40,493
Go! Be an asshole
yourself, be my guest.
439
00:17:40,594 --> 00:17:42,127
What don't you
understand about
440
00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,130
"they have a submarine
that turns into a car
441
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,398
that shoots missiles"?
442
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,532
The Legion's awesome!
443
00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:47,934
Oh, this is getting heated.
444
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,603
What delicious drama.
445
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,637
Don't put your insecurities
on me.
446
00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:53,073
[scoffs] All right, here we go.
447
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:54,842
What... What? You tell me.
What insecurities?
448
00:17:54,842 --> 00:17:56,375
Uh, you just
don't want me to join
449
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:57,978
because you're afraid
I won't need you anymore.
450
00:17:57,978 --> 00:17:59,445
You are delusional.
451
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:00,681
Am I? Am I?
452
00:18:00,681 --> 00:18:02,382
Ya loved it
when I was all beaten down
453
00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:04,550
and brokenhearted
after breakin' up with Joker.
454
00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:05,940
But you hate it now
455
00:18:05,940 --> 00:18:07,586
that I'm better and makin'
somethin' of myself!
456
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,821
-Ooh, snap!
-Damn!
457
00:18:08,923 --> 00:18:10,323
That's not true.
458
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,459
Is true. Ya can't handle it,
can ya?
459
00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:14,193
-What?
-You're tryin' to sabotage me
460
00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:16,363
instead of confrontin' the fact
that, without me,
461
00:18:16,462 --> 00:18:18,330
you don't have
a single friend in this world.
462
00:18:18,432 --> 00:18:19,499
I...
463
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,099
I don't need this shit.
464
00:18:21,099 --> 00:18:22,803
Like I've always said
I'm not part of your crew so--
465
00:18:22,803 --> 00:18:24,637
Oh great, go. Run away
to your stupid plants.
466
00:18:24,738 --> 00:18:26,338
You know they have names.
467
00:18:27,942 --> 00:18:29,476
What the hell
are you lookin' at?
468
00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:30,810
[Tentacle Monster growling]
469
00:18:32,980 --> 00:18:34,448
[screaming]
470
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:40,287
[mumbling sadly]
471
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:43,490
I'm so sorry, Mirielle.
Can ya ever forgive me?
472
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:44,490
[Tentacle Monster growls]
473
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:45,792
My own issues aside,
474
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,827
can someone explain
why Sy is cryin'
475
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:50,631
and where this giant
tentacle monster came from?
476
00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:52,732
Super-long story.
Short version.
477
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,200
CIA experiment went wrong.
478
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,256
That's his sister,
479
00:18:55,256 --> 00:18:57,202
and he hasn't been down here
for like 35 years.
480
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:58,371
Yeah, uh that's what
I was gonna guess.
481
00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:00,272
[growling]
482
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:03,476
Oh, I can't even imagine
what it must be like
483
00:19:03,477 --> 00:19:06,913
to go through life
a giant, deformed thing.
484
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,482
You can't,
you can't imagine that?
485
00:19:09,583 --> 00:19:13,619
I don't know how I live
with myself. [cries]
486
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,589
Oh, it's okay. Look,
why not try and talk to her?
487
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:17,891
How?
488
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,826
I'll do it.
I'll do it, I'll do it.
489
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:20,961
Let me be your Whoopi.
490
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:22,496
[Tentacle Monster screams]
491
00:19:22,596 --> 00:19:25,531
What?
Ghost affected everyone.
492
00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:27,567
It was a phenomenon.
493
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,936
[vibrato intensifying]
494
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:32,873
Talk to her.
495
00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:36,276
She may not speak English
but I bet she understands it.
496
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:41,280
Mirie, I'm so sorry.
497
00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:44,550
I never shoulda forced you
to make that damn hybrid.
498
00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:46,486
[growls]
499
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,320
Ah-hah, ah-hah, ah-hah.
500
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:51,290
Okay, she said "I get that
you were confused and angry.
501
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:52,614
So was I.
502
00:19:52,614 --> 00:19:54,928
But it wasn't being turned
into a tentacle monster
503
00:19:54,929 --> 00:19:56,363
that made me angry."
504
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,529
Wow,
this is getting interesting.
505
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,599
[growling]
506
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:02,603
"I was angry
because you walked away.
507
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,503
You closed yourself off
from me.
508
00:20:04,505 --> 00:20:06,941
I didn't just lose
my brother that day,
509
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,108
I lost my best friend."
510
00:20:09,109 --> 00:20:11,444
[Mirielle growling]
511
00:20:11,545 --> 00:20:14,647
[Dr. Psycho] She kept hoping
you would reach out,
512
00:20:14,748 --> 00:20:16,316
but you never did.
513
00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:21,721
[growling]
514
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,022
One more time
on that last part?
515
00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:24,022
[growls]
516
00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:25,826
Right. Right, okay.
517
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:30,830
She says, "I always thought
no matter how bad it got,
518
00:20:30,931 --> 00:20:33,567
you'd never give up
on our friendship."
519
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:35,602
I should've come to you,
520
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:38,538
but I was afraid
I let it go too long.
521
00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:40,406
That you wouldn't forgive me.
522
00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:42,742
[growling]
523
00:20:42,843 --> 00:20:44,510
This is everything.
524
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:47,647
I don't need
a translation for this.
525
00:20:47,748 --> 00:20:50,717
I never should've kept you
locked up down here,
526
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:54,287
so from now on, you're free.
527
00:20:56,056 --> 00:20:58,525
[growling]
528
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:00,460
Look at her go.
529
00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:04,064
That's my girl.
Run, baby, run.
530
00:21:04,164 --> 00:21:06,732
Oh, she looks great.
She seems so happy.
531
00:21:06,834 --> 00:21:08,001
[growling]
532
00:21:09,036 --> 00:21:10,569
[people screaming]
533
00:21:10,671 --> 00:21:11,904
[growling]
534
00:21:12,006 --> 00:21:13,941
[man screams] I'm in...
I'm in its mouth.
535
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,308
[people screaming]
536
00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:19,709
Oh, I'm just gonna...
537
00:21:23,851 --> 00:21:24,951
[device beeps]
538
00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:27,354
[device beeps]
539
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:28,453
[device beeps]
540
00:21:31,557 --> 00:21:32,557
[device beeps]
541
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,863
Woo! Oh, Harley, Harley.
542
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:38,498
Whatever weird sex thing
you had to do
543
00:21:38,597 --> 00:21:40,599
to get me back into
the Legion of Doom,
544
00:21:40,701 --> 00:21:41,701
I thank you.
545
00:21:41,701 --> 00:21:42,970
Yeah, that's not what happened.
546
00:21:42,970 --> 00:21:43,970
Uh-huh. Wink, wink.
547
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:44,970
On a related note,
548
00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:46,471
you can't go on any capers
549
00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:48,107
where the crew might interact
with a female superhero.
550
00:21:48,107 --> 00:21:51,557
Yeah, that seems fair.
551
00:21:57,817 --> 00:21:59,586
Ready to put
your life behind you
552
00:21:59,586 --> 00:22:01,954
and make the world
an even worse place?
553
00:22:01,954 --> 00:22:02,954
Sure thing, Lex.
554
00:22:02,954 --> 00:22:03,954
Good.
555
00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:12,932
[sighs]
556
00:22:13,032 --> 00:22:14,968
Oh, and by the way,
557
00:22:15,068 --> 00:22:17,804
another member
insisted on dropping by.
558
00:22:19,073 --> 00:22:23,476
Hi, Harley. [laughs]
559
00:22:23,576 --> 00:22:28,576
[theme music playing]
39592
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