All language subtitles for Couples.Night.2018.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.x264-monkee

♪ They can say what they
want it don't matter ♪

♪ What can I do ♪

♪ They can say what they
want it don't matter ♪

♪ It's just me and you ♪

♪ They can say what they
want it don't matter ♪

♪ Well what can I do ♪

♪ They can say what they
want it don't matter ♪

♪ You are the one for me ♪

♪ You used to run to me ♪

♪ What have we grown to be ♪

♪ You and I won't be ♪

♪ You were the one for me ♪

♪ You used to run to me ♪

- You know, this feels good.

- It feels really good.

We didn't get this back
home, this is great.

We need to be here.

- Look we're coming up on
the African American Museum.

- Oh wow, we have to go.

- Absolutely.

- We have to go.

- Mm hmm.

- Is this the one?

- Yeah.

- Oh wow.

Honey.

Wow.

- I hear the house is haunted.

♪ Send you a thousand roses ♪

- Hey pretty lady.

- Hi, how are you?

- Good, how are you?

- I'm good.

It's so beautiful.

- Yes it is.

You enjoying your day?

- I am.

Is that fire real?

- Yes it is.

- 'Cause I can feel the heat, it's woo.

- Oh and there's a cute one approaching.

I'll be back.

- Okay.

- Excuse me, but I'm
gonna have to card you

because you look way
too young to be in here.

- Kev.

- What?

- That was horrible.

- Are you serious.

- Yeah, go back and try again.

- Come on.

Look, when you met me, alright,

I wasn't a meet you in a bar type of guy.

- Oh I know but this is fun.

Go, go back, do it again.

- Seriously?

- Yes do it again, this is fun.

- Okay, alright, alright.

- Okay, okay, I'm ready.

- Ah, I like them boots.

- Hi, oh I'm so sorry but
I'm waiting for someone.

- Let me just grab you a drink.

- It's really sweet, but I'm okay.

- Excuse me.

How are you doing brother?

- What's going on?

- That's my wife.

- Oh, my bad, my bad.

- Its fine.

- I'm sorry.

- See I told you this role
playing was a bad idea.

I got Black Jesus walking up on you.

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

You look so handsome.

Isn't this fun?

- See, now I'm gonna need a drink.

Excuse me uh bartender?

- Yes, what can I get you.

- Yes, what would you like?

- Pink pony.

- Okay, two pink ponies.

- Pink ponies, are you two on vacation?

- Well we actually recently
just moved into town.

- Oh, role play, I like
that, I like that a lot.

Spice it up a little bit, hey now.

- Hey now, you heard that, hey now.

Kev, we are too young to be this boring.

We need some friends.

- We are not boring,
we're living the dream.

- But I think we're in a new
city, we need new friends.

Right?

I did start the food blog
so can you please follow me?

I need some biased feedback
from my reinforcement.

- I can do that.

I'll be your number one follower.

So let's make a toast.

To, to the unknown.

- To the unknown, I like that.

As the bartender said, it
don't hurt nobody, okay.

Strong.

- Ain't no Kool Aid up in that pink pony.

Yeah.

- Just take your crap and
grow the hell up, Rob.

- What's wrong with you?

- I need a man.

- There's clean clothes here.

- Get the hell out of my house.

- Oh wow, not again.

I hope nobody calls the
police, I wanna see this.

- Why don't you throw
some stuff out the hamper?

I'll take it to the
laundry while I'm out here.

- You ain't paying no rent.

Get up and off my dang sidewalk.

You know what, take your crap.

- Excuse me, brother, is everything okay?

- Got it covered.

Why don't you throw down my
toothbrush while you at it.

- Babe, let's go.

- Okay.

- Excuse me.

- Have a good night.

- Learn how to be a man.

You want to go to work!

- Kia, leave those people alone.

- Kev, turn off the lights
and grab the popcorn,

this is riveting.

- Take yo shit!

Take yo, oh you think this is funny?

You think this is funny?

- Don't record those people.

- What do you think he did?

You think he cheated on her.

- I think whatever he did,

he did the same thing two weeks ago.

Shame.

Look I love you babe, I'm going to bed.

- You're not gonna watch?

Kev, look, he just caught a flat screen!

Wow, he must've been a wide receiver

in high school or something.

- Update me in the morning, babe.

- You know I will.

Oh wow.

- Honey.

Have you been sleeping here all night?

- Babe, it was amazing.

You know, he fell down
to his knees, he cried,

he begged her to let
him back in the house.

It was just like an R&B song.

- You are so silly.

Do you need me to make you any breakfast?

- No I'm okay, but I will get some Advil

because I have a massive headache

from laying my head up
against the window pane.

- Alright.

I'll see you later.

- Okay, love you.

- Love you.

- Ugh.

- Hey babe.

- They haven't left.

- What's that?

- They haven't left the house.

You think she killed him?

- Kill, kill who?

- Oh, oh, nevermind, I
see him, there he is.

He looks alright.

I guess he just took off of work.

- Babe, step away from the window.

You had a long night and
they had a long night.

Okay?

And don't forget, we have
dinner with my boss tonight.

- Oh, not again.

- It's part of the job.

Hey, I'll see you later.

- Alright fine.

Bye.

- I've been holding that
one for a long time.

She never laughs at my stuff.

- Oh I do, I do.

- You know Kia, you should
be real proud of your hubby.

He's really bringing home the
bacon here at the company.

I don't know if we
could do it without him.

It's not every day you
start off as a consultant

and you end up running things.

Am I right?

- That's right, absolutely right.

And you know Kia, Kevin needs

a special woman, someone who's polished.

You know, we can't have our superstar

slumming around with just anybody.

- Don't mind Blanch,

she's very overprotective
about her children.

And Kevin is like family.

In fact, you're really like a son to me.

- Thank you.

- That's true.

Kevin is really just something else.

And I know you don't have a problem

following a guy who's as
delightful as Kevin, do you?

I mean let's get real, you don't find

guys like him just
hanging around on trees.

Besides you're in DC now, you
need to get with the program.

You know, start networking,

get out and meet the right people.

Okay?

Sweetheart, you gotta make
this work, if you can.

- Blanch, that's enough.

Have you guys met any other young couples?

Maybe get out and have some fun.

- Actually, uh.

- I need a man.

If you're gonna be a boy,
get the hell out of my house.

- No, not really.

- No.

- Maybe they should join the club.

- Oh that's a great idea.

Oh the Couple's Club,

we used to have a good
time back in the day.

You remember Kenny and Debra?

Oh and that Cathy and
David, they were so sweet.

Whatever happened to them?

- You ran 'em off.

- What?

Yes you did.

- I did not.

- There were times when you
were very rude to Kenny.

- Richard.

- No you did.

- Rich.

- And you showed your ass to Cathy once.

- I never did that.

- And that's a big ass to show.

- Not in front of
the kids, are you serious?

- I'm sorry, I'm gonna
always tell the truth, baby.

- Listen, they weren't
a good fit anyway, so.

They were better than
some of these fake people

you bring around and call friends now.

- Will you stop talking about our friends?

- If you say so.

All I'm saying is at least
Cathy and David, they cared.

And we did have a good time

back in the day with our couples club.

Oh man, we used to go to
dances and shows, and parties.

Sometimes we get a little ratchet.

- Sometimes when she
gets a couple of drinks,

woo she gets wild.

- That's not true.

- She'll be backing
that thing up, boom boom.

- I always have class.

- And I get behind that thing
like that, pow, pow, pow.

- Just the one time.

- Drop that thing, drop it.

Pow, pow.

Sometimes you gotta drop it like it's hot,

you know, you know, just
to keep your man happy.

Richard, I think they get it, boo.

- Well to long lasting friendships.

- To long lasting friendships.

- To friendship.

- Hey honey, one of my partners.

Young man, hey Mr. Brock, how are you?

- Good, good to see you.

- Good to see you, good to see you.

Um this is Kevin and this is his wife Kia.

They're from Racine, Wisconsin.

- Okay.

- The only two Black people from Racine.

Uh, this is my wife Blanch.

- How are you
doing, good to see you.

- So what brings you to DC, Mr. Brock?

- I'm shooting a play with my
production company Tie Media.

- Okay.

Maybe we can get them some tickets.

Get 'em out and have some fun.

- Definitely.

I'll have my assistant give you a call

and we'll set that up.

- Well thank you.

- Appreciate you.

- Well listen if you need me, let me know.

- I will.

Alright, good to see you.

Nice young man.

Man, he's into film
production, that's great.

Where were we?

Pop that thing, that's where we were.

I'm so sorry darling.

But you know, we were
younger and we had fun.

- Oh we had a good time.

- You know when you're young,

you gotta stretch out and have fun.

Couple glasses of wine will help too.

- Look, no hail storm.

- Our wish come true.

- Kev, I don't want to be like them.

- Who said we're gonna be
like Rich and Blanch, okay?

They're not the model for
us, and Rich is just my boss.

- No, I know, but you admire
him and you want to plan

your life after him, and I
don't wanna be like Blanch.

- You could never be like Blanch.

As a matter of fact,

you couldn't be like Blanch if you tried.

No, listen.

I would never marry a woman like Blanch.

I'm just a guy that got
lucky enough to marry you.

- You cleaned it up.

- Hey, no Peeping Tom stuff tonight.

- Oh come on, really?

- Come on.

- Fine, fine.

- What, you
wanna go to work with me?

You ain't paying no rent.

Take yo shit.

Oh you think this is funny?

- Yeah!

- You think this is funny?

- First thing in the morning

I will ask them to keep it down.

- You don't need to
come back to my house, okay?

Learn how to be a man, okay?

You heard me!

- Kev, Kev.

The neighbors are having
a party and we're invited.

- I'm so excited.

I don't care.

I'll make sure to write them
a nice note, thank you, no.

- Hey, you wanna go to the movies?

You remember we used to go
to the movies all the time

and just stay there and see
everything that came out?

- We just went last week.

- Yeah but movies come
out every week, Kev.

Gosh, you know I love
those old black and whites.

- Well, we could stay here, you know.

We can watch your favorite, Carmen Jones.

Especially in our brand new,

extremely expensive entertainment system.

- I think the party's starting.

- How could you tell?

I though the bass pulsating in my veins

was from that crazy drink you made.

- That's not nice, Kev.

- What was that anyway?

- Oh it was kale beer.

You know, I'm thinking about
becoming a craft brewer.

- Ah.

Well in that case, I apologize.

But, I really need to finish this.

Oh, I'll tell you what you can do.

Can you pass me a knife so I
can cut a pice of that pie?

- You know what?

This pie would actually be perfect

for the party happening upstairs.

Come on Kev, we've lived
underneath them for the last

few months and we haven't
even introduced ourselves.

Now what if a natural
disaster happened and they had

to choose between saving
us or the other neighbors?

Come on now, we need to
know them for survival.

- I know who they are.

I know our neighbors extremely well.

I know every detail of their life

as they scream it to each other
in the middle of the night.

- Well we can get to know
them even more, okay?

Honey, we're going.

- Oh I hate it when you make that face.

- Come on, let's go, let's go,

move it, come on, it's gonna be fun.

Let's go, come on.

- So what?

- You mean to tell me you ate all of it?

You didn't leave any for the kids?

What about the kids, man?

- They aren't my kids.

- It doesn't matter, how dare you

talk about my kids again like that.

You are so trifling.

No, you're evil.

- Whatever!

Yo man, thank you man, thank you.

Roll in here with some damn pie.

Let me get you a drink, come here.

- I'm not drinking that.

- What's your name, brother?

- Kev.

- Kev.

Hey y'all this is Kev.

What's your chick's name?

- Kia.

- Kia.

Kia and Kev y'all, Black neighbors.

I thought white people
was moving in nextdoor.

I was gonna be mad.

- Oh I love pie.

- Hey, hey man, it's for the kids.

So what do you do?

- Coding, computer software, IT.

Nothing special.

How about you?

- Construction.

- Okay?

- How's that going?

- Oh you know it goes, comes and goes.

I'm on a break right now.

I shot my boss in the ass with a nail gun,

so I'm off for a week.

How's it going with you?

- Not so bad.

- Yeah I saw you messing around

with your back porch the other day.

I can give you a hand if you want.

- You just threw pie on me.

- Thanks a lot for looking out

the other night when she was going crazy.

It's nice to know if
everything went to hell,

I could just stay at your house.

- I can always call 911 for you.

- I don't deal with cops, man.

Hey y'all come get this pie.

- Ew, we don't want that.

- He put his finger in it.

- I know, gross right?

- Isn't that scary to you?

- Oh gosh, I am so sorry about that.

It's just, it's so special

when people show you that they care.

Tenderness and kindness are
just so rare these days.

- They are.

- I know.

So what exactly do you do, Kia?

- Well I'm still looking.

- Yeah?

- I started a food blog,

which is gonna turn
into a craft beer blog.

- That pie was so good.

- Wasn't it?

- Delicious.

- It's sugar free.

- What?

Are you kidding me?

- Mm mm.

- Wow, I have no idea how managed that.

I mean Rob's always
complaining that I'm gonna

give him a heart attack,
but honey somebody's

gotta add the sweetness up in here.

And if you're that dang picky,
make your own dang food!

I own a catering business.

And you my dear should make

all the sugar free pies you want.

Girl's gotta get her hustle on.

- That's right, we do.

- Absolutely.

- You guys are a special couple.

We had a wonderful time.

- Hey be a good neighbor,
stop by any time.

- We'll stop by tomorrow.

Matter of fact, I have
an even better idea,

why don't you guys come downstairs
to our house for dinner?

I mean I'm not a caterer like Sherry,

but I think I can throw
something together.

Kev, did you know Sherry is a caterer?

- No I had no idea.

Did you say dinner tomorrow?

- We love dinner parties.

Is it a theme party?

We love theme parties.

- No, no, as long as I
don't gotta wear a costume.

- Well you know what they say,

no costume, no theme, no dinner.

- I could put together a theme party.

- Perfect.

- Well actually you know what
honey, tomorrow's gonna be.

- No, no, no, you already
said it, see you tomorrow.

- Alright, well seven o'clock it is.

- Have a good night.

- We'll be there.

- Woo they gone.

Sex time, babe!

- I guess somebody's in the cooking mood.

- Well they're nice people
and it's fun to be neighborly.

- Do you know that neighbor

didn't even let me get
a piece of your pie?

- Well they might be just
a little bit trifling.

A little bit.

- You think?

Morning honey.

- Morning, babe.

- Someone's up early.

- Getting ready for tonight.

- Ah.

You do know it's seven
o'clock in the morning?

- Kev, the early bird gets the worm.

Plus it's a theme party, kale mondays.

- Kale mondays, woo great.

- Yeah, don't forget to wear your green.

- Great.

- Good morning.

Hey we had some leftovers,

I thought you might want
to have a plate for lunch.

And a slice of that pie you wanted.

- Thank you.

- Oh don't thank me, thank Sherry.

- I'll make sure to do that.

- Yeah she's upstairs.

Sherry come on down.

- Uh uh, it'll wait.

- Good morning Rob.

- Hey, hey, I just dropped
over some leftovers.

- Thank you so much,

I'm just getting ready for tonight.

- Is that kale?

- Yeah, I'm cooking up some right now.

- Mm, I love kale.

The smell of it reminds
me of down south, right?

Wet grass, grandma outside

washing my pee stains out the sheets.

Memories.

Speaking of which, man,

can I borrow some cocoa butter lotion?

Can't be Black and ashy.

- Ah you'd be so surprised,
we only keep Vaseline,

but it's not in the house, it's at work,

and I gotta go to work.

- Yeah, we gotta go to work.

See you later.

- Bye.

- Hey can I ride with you?

Car's in the shop.

Okay, let's go.

- Why is he so country?

- That's how you start your morning, man?

- It's meditative.

It balances me.

- It's sunny outside.

You play it when it rains too?

Oh look that dude has an umbrella.

I wonder if he can hear
the rain inside the car.

Oh my goodness.

You mind if I just switch it?

- Hey, yes.

- There's been a lot of
sings written about rain.

Singing in the Rain.

Can You Stand the Rain,
oh classic, classic.

Rain On Me.

Make it Rain.

No, no, that's something
else, that's something else.

Uh any other rain songs?

Rain songs, rain songs,
rain songs, rain songs.

- Purple Rain.

- What's that?

- Purple Rain.

- Oh Purple Rain, how'd
I forget that one, yeah.

Purple Rain, Purple Rain, Purple yeah.

You know if I could sing or rap

I would not make a song about rain.

So many other happy things
to sing about, you know?

You know what song I would make though?

I would make I Can't Stand the Rain,

'cause I can't stand the
rain, I cannot stand the rain.

Oh and I damn sure would not

be listening to the rain on a sunny day.

- Excuse me, could you please?

I just, I really like to center myself

and I like to have a clear
mind before I start work.

- Or you'll snap?

You gonna fight a brother?

You don't look like one of
those type of dudes, man,

I really can't see it.

Wow you got modulated rain tracks.

How many rain tracks you got?

- 172.

- 172 rain tracks.

The whole storm, huh?

You've got like track 1 Getting Cloudy.

Track 2, It's Drizzling.

Track 3, I Might Need an Umbrella.

Track 4, It's Coming Down Outside.

Track 5, Cats and Dogs.

Does it help?

- Well.

Looks like you're here.

- Oh, yes sir.

Appreciate you brother.

I'll see ya later, I know where ya live.

Hey man if it's not too much trouble,

could you stop by later for lunch?

- Kev?

- Just checking on my favorite lady.

- Yep I just got finished

volunteering for The Covenant House.

You know, they have such
a strong presence in DC.

I'm really glad they have

all these programs for the community.

- Volunteering, really babe?

- Yep, today I worked on
the Sleep Out Campaign

which is shedding light
on youth homelessness.

- That's great.

Look at you.

I'm proud of you.

- Yeah, it feels good
that I'm doing my part.

- Absolutely.

And oh, you know what?

Checked out your blog, I really like it.

- You know, I need to write
more, shake it up a bit.

- Well I guess, you know,

if you want more than just the kale crowd.

But, you know that it is a big audience.

Uh, babe, I'm gonna call you right back.

- Woo, man, being at work like this?

I do not know what to do with myself.

Sherry's at home making food for clients,

I get chewed out just for
looking in the refrigerator.

Boy, get out that refrigerator.

Came in to hang out with you, man.

- What are you doing here?

- I figured we'd have a little

male bonding away from the ladies.

- Bonding time, I'm working.

- I got beers, man.

You know, I really admire you and Kia.

The way you guys keep the peace, man.

You guys mind your business,
keep to yourselves,

you keep the property nice.

And that level of calm,
woo, it's like some.

I envy you, Kev.

I envy you.

- You envy me?

- Mm hmm.

- Hey Kev, I need those reports

before you leave this evening.

- Yes sir, I'll have 'em to you.

- Who's your friend?

- Male stalker.

- I'm Rob, I'm his neighbor.

- What you guys got going on in here?

- Want a beer?

- I don't drink, I'm the boss.

- My neighbor just stopped by

and he wanted to welcome
me into the neighborhood.

- Okay.

Hey neighbor, listen uh Kev is working.

So why don't you walk with me

and you guys can reconnect after work.

Cool?

- Sir, I can take care of this,

I'll walk him out in a few minutes.

- You sure?

- Yes sir.

- Okay, okay.

Well handle it.

- Want me to go with him.

- Sit down.

- Alright.

- Come on man, have a beer.

Cheers.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy man.

We got three each.

Each your sandwich.

- This is so exciting, I can't wait.

I think he's here, I think he's here.

Kev.

- Finally!

- Hey, we were gonna start
without you, neighbor.

- It's six o'clock, I thought
we were all meeting at seven.

- Well we were just so
excited, we couldn't wait.

Did I mention we love theme parties?

- You didn't bring any beer?

- It's my house.

- Oh Kev, did you know
that I was sneezing earlier

and Sherry put something in my

kale drink that knocked it right out.

- What was that?

- If I tell you, I have to kill you.

- Well, you have been initiated,
welcome the Couples Club.

So we're all new couples and we need to

provide support for each other
and learn from each other,

and we can double date.

- Yes, yes, and before we get
this party started, can I just

mention how amazingly on
theme everyone looks tonight?

With the exception of you, Kev.

- A little too
amazing if you ask me.

- Didn't nobody ask you.

Anyway, I'm sure there's something

we can learn from Kevin and Kia.

- Yes and there are
absolutely lots of things

that we can learn from Rob and Sherry.

Right Kev?

- Can we learn why you have this

weird green colored beer in your fridge?

- Is that beer?

- Well?

- Well what?

- Well we can't have a Couples
Club without commitment.

- Oh, Couples Club, sounds great.

- Oh it sounds great, okay,
fantastic, here you go.

- What's this?

- Oh it's an agreement to be a
faithful Couples Club member.

- It's a contract.

- Hey man, I had to sign one too.

- Me three.

- And it's enforceable by law.

- He's doing it, he's doing it.

- Why are you doing this to me?

- Yay!

Honey, we're in a club.

- This is gonna be great.

Right, Kev?

- Mm hmm, yeah.

- So come on man, talk to us.

Now that we're best friends and all,

tell us about yourselves.

- Well uh, there's not
really much to tell.

Grew up in the burbs, went to
college, you know yada yada.

Actually, truth be told my life really

didn't start until I met
the woman of my dreams.

And I've been happy ever since.

- You're so poetic.

- I'm poetic.

- Oh lip syncing to rap
songs doesn't count.

- I don't lip sync to
rap songs, I just make up

my own words when I
forget theirs, you know?

I just go with the flow.

- Well Kev used to be in a rap group.

Yeah that's how we met.

They were having auditions

for a model in his first music video.

- Were you a model?

- Well I mean I was an almost model.

But yeah, I auditioned for the video

but it never came out
and the group broke up.

But you can find them on YouTube.

- No, you can't.

- Yes, you can.

- No, you can't.

- Anyway, if the group hadn't broken up

and the video did come
out, at least I would be

a calendar girl by now on
Instagram getting those hits.

- Which month?

- July, for the sizzle.

- Sizzle.

- So what was your name, man?

- We didn't have a name,
we didn't have a group.

- Kev, would you stop
pretending to be shy?

It's so unattractive.

- Kev, you have to at
least call it a group.

- Look we were more than a group, okay?

We were a movement.

- Kev was the only member in the group.

Yeah, he did all the voices.

Three different personalities.

- Damn.

- And they didn't have a name at first,

they wanted it to be of
like a subliminal thing.

- Oh like uh, like Prince.

- Well Prince had a symbol,
but Kev didn't even want that.

- Wait, wait a second, so wait.

Did none of your
personalities want a name?

How was anyone supposed
to know who you were?

- That was the whole point.

Look uh, can we change the subject.

- Actually, they did really well at first.

They were so popular that people started

coming up with their own
names for the group like,

The Nothings, The No One's, The Zeroes.

But then his manager insisted that they

come up with a name and
then the group broke up.

- Look, uh eh, this is
kind of a sensitive issue,

so let's talk about something else.

- Kev's manager wanted to name them,

the Triple Pop Stickies.

And when Kev refused to
perform under that name,

then his manager released
all of Kev's music

with a Popsicle on the cover.

Yeah, and then his manager
hired three random people

as the new Triple Pop
Stickie's and the toured

all over the world and
they're now gazillionaires.

- You're one of the original
Triple Pop Stickies?

- No Kev is the only true member
of the Triple Pop Stickies.

- I was never a Triple Pop Sticky.

- And when they won those eight
Grammys, Kev, he just lost

that fight, the power he
used to have, that swag,

that sexiness that I fell
in love with, it was gone.

I mean look at him now,
look at what I'm left with.

- Swagless.

- Kev chose to assign our fate

to living a Midwestern American lifestyle.

Isn't that right, Kev?

That's right.

- We saw the Triple Pop
Stickies in concert.

- Oh my god, that was our first date.

An original real live Triple Pop Sticky?

- You brought us together.

- Oh, honey.

- And remember, I knew
something was up 'cause you guys

sounded so different
live than on the record.

There was like a three
octave level difference.

- It's like oh, oh, oh.

- Yeah.

- Instead of oh, oh, oh.

- I was like, it's a bad night.

Right?

- Or that or they were castrated.

- Every night is a bad night

for the fake Triple Pop Stickies.

- That's not my name.

You know my name.

♪ Straight dwarf swag
flow, straight low key, ♪

♪ Not Bobby Johnson but straight OG ♪

♪ Now turn it up, like cold
cheese from cool high, ♪

♪ Truly fly, moonwalking
through the bluish sky, ♪

♪ Percolating all through
the shot like Kanye, ♪

♪ Straight do or die ♪

♪ I spit propane, blow out flows ♪

♪ It ain't no close game, Triple
Pop Stickies, they so lame ♪

♪ 'Cause a real rap Don
don't need no name ♪

♪ A real rap Don don't need no name ♪

♪ Best rapper in the name with no name ♪

♪ Best rapper in the game with no name ♪

♪ You know my name ♪

♪ Shh ♪

♪ You know my name ♪

♪ Shh ♪

♪ You know my name ♪

♪ Shh ♪

- Champ, champ, champ, champ

- Yeah.

- Champ.
- Yeah.

- Champ.
- Yeah.

- Champ.
- Yeah.

- Champ.
- Yeah.

- Champ.
- Yeah.

- There's that swag.

I was worried, but it's back, honey.

- Hey.

Babe, you know I was so
worried about tonight,

but it's the first time

I'm feeling like, so alive in a long time.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- How alive are you feeling tonight?

- Mm, that I owe a lot to you.

♪ What they do is like
simply like voodoo ♪

♪ I just bringing back with the crew ♪

♪ And say oh, no, no, bring
it back with the flow ♪

♪ Hey, I need that one, two,
one two, bring it back ♪

♪ Come on, give me that cut ♪

♪ One, two, one two ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I'm a cipher building out a cipher ♪

♪ A killer, if I have to pull
out that nine I be a psycho ♪

♪ Killer ♪

- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, hold on, hold up.

When you bring that bass up?

- Yeah.

- Let it drop.

I mean let it, let it drop.

♪ Here we go, here we go,
here we go, here we go ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ I've been standing right
there like I really don't care ♪

♪ What you looking for ♪

♪ Hey you're old woman's right here ♪

- Kia, you gonna sleep all day, huh?

It's about time you got up!

Welcome to Kev and Rob's studio.

Ah ha.

Go on, give her a little some of that.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Oh my god.

Did you know that Rob was a DJ?

- Ah ha, this is our home base right here,

this is home base.

- I've got pancakes.

Would you like a little
strawberry syrup with that?

Kia you and Kev saved our marriage.

- Ah you don't even know.

Uh, me and Sherry were fighting
all the time, you know,

'cause I wanna do the DJ
thing, she wasn't feeling it.

Then Kev had this brilliant brain storm,

combine best of both words, you know.

We in the house, baby.

- Hey you know what they say?

A family that plays
together, stays together.

And I knew you wasn't gonna
mind honey, especially since

I'm gonna have you all in
the video and everything.

- I can do my mixing over here.

- And I can work in peace.

A real live kinda sort Triple Pop Sticky

and we live upstairs from him.

- Facts.

- What are the odds?

- Look, hey, look, that's
what neighbors are for, okay?

You'll have to excuse me for a second.

- Any requests?

- Hit it, Rob.

- Alright, well this one is for my baby.

- Come here Sugar Booger.

We can use some of this
syrup a little later.

Go DJ Rob, what you gonna
do with that syrup baby?

- We gonna get sticky.

- Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

- Kev, Kev, Kev, Kev!

Okay well I'm just gonna get
my laptop and go upstairs.

♪ I see the way you watchin' ♪

♪ Boy you need to just stop it ♪

♪ You see the way I'm movin' ♪

♪ But you don't know
what you gettin' into ♪

- Power to the people.

♪ But I know what's on your mind ♪

♪ Trust me, I'm not the kind
of girl that you're used to ♪

♪ No ♪

- I'm a motherfuckin' monster!

♪ And I can tell what you're looking for ♪

- Happy birthday, Mr. President.

♪ I know you want to get close to me ♪

- Oh my god Becky, look at her.

Rawr, rawr, like a dungeon dragon.

Hello?

- Kia.

- How'd you know it was me.

- How's my most favorite
lady in the world doing?

- Your mother's not here, Kev.

- Okay, well then how's my second

most favorite lady in the world doing?

- Almost fabulous.

Hey Kev, did you refuse
to put me in the video

because you didn't
think I was sexy enough?

- What are you talking about?

I never said that.

- Well did you think it?

- Of course not.

Kia, I married you.

- So you didn't want me in the video

because I was so sexy you didn't
want to put me in the video

and have to share me with
the rest of the world.

- Where is all of this coming from?

Hello?

Hello?

- Girl, you look great.

- I'm sorry, I was just.

- No, no, no, no, don't apologize,

you look 100 times better
than I ever thought you could.

- I do?

- Yes.

Let's do a clothes swap.

- What?

- Come on, it'll be so much fun.

My sister and I do it all the time.

I trade you my closet for yours.

It'll be like yin and yang.

I'm so hot, and you're so not.

And besides I could
tone things down a bit,

switch up my look.

- Okay.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Oh my gosh it'll be so fun.

I have boas and tutus.

Girl I would never buy any of this stuff.

And for the record, beige is not a color.

Honey I'm gonna have to
bling out some of this stuff.

Do we have any rhinestones

left over from the dinner the other night?

- I think so.

- Oh honey.

You can't be with the best rapper

with no name wearing any of this.

We are gonna have to step
your game up for reals.

- For reals?

- For reals.

- Like for real, for real?

- You ready?

- I'm ready to be Sherryfied.

♪ I'm swaying ♪

♪ My best hair will laying ♪

♪ Laying it down, you're laying it down ♪

♪ You're laying it down,
you're laying it down ♪

♪ You're laying it down,
you're laying it down ♪

- We'll be back.

And don't forget those
bags in the bedroom.

- Wait, wait, wait, why is everything

always all about you, Sherry?

How do you know I didn't
wanna go out, huh?

- Would you stop whining?

It's a ladies night.

- Is he okay?

- He's a man, he needs attention.

It's our job to make him earn it.

- Well does that work?

- Like a charm.

Come on, first drink is on me.

- Hey.

- To friendship.

- Amen to that.

It's good.

- This is a good one.

- So, how long have you
and Rob been married?

- Five years.

Can you believe that we have been

dating off and on since I was 12?

- Wow, that's amazing.

So like, was it love at first sight,

and how did you know he was the one?

- I don't know, he was
always there to talk to.

My parents used to
fight and being with Rob

was like a great escape, you know?

And he's such a good listener.

I mean not so much these days,

but back then he was, he
was much more sensitive.

- Ah, so, how's it going, neighbor?

- I'm good man, what's up with you?

- I'm good.

Why are you sitting out here
like you got locked out?

- Just trying to think of a good alibi.

- Uh oh.

The glove doesn't fit, you must acquit.

- Yeah, that's been done already.

- Uh oh.

Well, let it go.

Alright, have a good night, brother.

- Be cool, bro.

- Now he's just going through this phase

where he wants to be alone, you know?

It's just, he's always thinking.

But when I ask him what he's
thinking about he won't tell me

and what sucks is that he
used to tell me everything.

Why do I sound like I've
been married for 100 years?

Oh my gosh, okay enough
about me, what about you?

Oh how could I forget, a Miss Video Bunny

in the video suit, go Kiki, go Kiki, hey.

How did you know that
your Kev was the one?

- I mean Kev was the
first guy who liked me.

I mean he went all out to
show me that he liked me.

You know, most guys nowadays
they just wanna be cool

and you don't know if they
actually like you or not.

I mean you go out and then
they text you random things

and then they drop off the face
of the earth for a few weeks

and then randomly text
you at three AM, wassup.

I mean what is that?

- Like you're disposable?

- Or like you're one of thousands

that are trying to prove
your worth to them.

I mean Kev was the first
guy who liked me for me.

- But doesn't it feel great to be desired?

- It feels amazing.

- To being desired and
letting them never get enough.

- Amen to that, hey now.

You smell it, right?

Mm.

- This little stargazing
act is getting old, Rob.

- I'm fine, Sherry, thank you.

- Hey Rob.

- What up?

- I brought you a little coffee.

Kia wanted to make sure that
you didn't freeze out here.

And uh, put a little Remy in there.

- Ah, nice.

You didn't drink out of this, did you?

- Naw, I wouldn't do that.

- Okay, to Kia and Kev, Kev
and Kia, and the dead homies.

- Ah, I'm gonna remind
you, it is a little strong.

That's Kia's, I bought that for her.

Looks good on you.

- Hey man, it aint' that
kind of couples club.

- No.

- Hello guys.

So I know we're a little preoccupied

but I was just coming out
here to remind everyone

that Friday is our first couples night.

And I got us tickets to a
child's production of Our Town

and right after is our
first official game night.

And the theme color is yellow.

- Can a man just sit outside
in these wild streets

and protest the fact that

Sherry wants what she
wants when she wants it?

- Exactly, I want what
I want when I want it.

You know what, I hope a
bird splatters all over ya.

- Thank you.

- I hope you get
pissed on by a stray cat.

- Oh you're so sweet, babe.

You should write for Hallmark.

- You know what, you,
I am so done, so done.

- Thank you for the coffee.

- A lot of passion, a lot of passion.

- A lot of crazy.

- Kia.

Kia.

Wow.

Hey.

- Hey Kev.

So do you like it?

- Do I like it?

I love my life!

You just made me forget why
I even came in the room.

Uh, did you know that Rob and Sherry

are having a little tiff?

- Yeah they're going through something,

and Sherry won't even let
him back in the house.

- Oh, well, we gonna have to

strike that up to growing pains.

Uh also, what is that in the bathtub.

- Oh it's my kale beer.

Sherry and I are catering together.

- Oh, okay, alright, I like that.

Yeah, Black woman entrepreneur shit.

- You know how we do.

- 'Cause you know I had to take

a bird bath in the sink, but uh.

You know what, how long
does it have to be in there?

- That's a good question.

- You know what, better
question, it don't matter.

We can just stay dirty Sonqueesha.

Oh.

- Yep, he's still outside.

And it's starting to rain.

- I know, but Kia, I don't
know if I can do this anymore.

- What do you mean?

- He just, he looks so pitiful.

♪ Turn it up, turn it up ♪

♪ Y'all gonna live in this light ♪

♪ I just get this right ♪

- You know, some people are
cute when they're pitiful.

- Girl please.

Look all I know is that this
is not what I signed up for.

- I'm looking at you, looking
at me, and y'all ain't ready.

So what's up?

- Do we ever really know
what we're signing up for?

- I don't know.

- Alright one, two, three.

- Alright girl, I'll talk to you later.

- Yeah!

- Bye bye

- Yeah that's what I'm
talking about, hit it Rob

Hold on, hold on, hold on, drop a beat.

Rob?

Rob?

Rob?

Rob?

I see you just uh gonna ignore me.

- Kevin my brother, join me.

- Ah, okay, I see you uh,

you're getting your namaste on, huh?

Fine.

- Something about that
protest, Kevin, it changed me.

I'm not the same.

- What protest?

- I'm protesting her treatment of me.

Everything.

Everything always has to be
about Sherry, this is me time.

- Okay, so if you're protestingd,

why did you come back inside?

- Is she listening?

- Naw, you're clear.

- I had to take a shit.

- That's always a good reason.

So since we're focusing on
this me time, we need to

refocus on some we time because
we have a session today.

- Session?

- Oh come on Rob and Kevin studio.

We about to get this bitcoin.

- I feel your enthusiasm Kevin,

but today I sit in silence.

- But you hate silence.

- Silent!

Silence is my friend, oh negative one.

- Am I your friend anymore, Rob?

See, see, that's what I'm talking about,

always flipping out on me.

Well let's see how you
like this, Rain Man.

Huh, you like that?

You like that, Rob?

Is that what you want?

- Stay there, don't let
her invade your good place.

Breathe, let it out.

Clear your chakras, stay harmonious,

and think of amazing beats for us.

May our studio prosper.

That's your new mantra.

May our studio prosper.

Can we go to the studio?

- Okay well two new readers
with a grand total of seven.

- Seven.

But 22 people did like my photo.

Why aren't people following me, Sherry?

- You gotta turn up the sex, baby.

People wanna see hips,

they wanna see cleavage,
they wanna see thighs.

That's how everyone is
selling stuff these days.

You gotta turn up the sexy, Kiki.

Turn it up, turn it up, turn it up.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Another brilliant Sherry idea.

I'd do it myself,

but it just doesn't work
the same with soul food.

- Hmm.

- Get you views, girl.

- I'm so nervous.

- Now push those puppies.

- Push 'em up.

- That' show you sell that beer, babe.

Show 'em what you working
with baby, alright.

Best thought pose ever.

Yes, yes, give it to me baby, yes,

sell that beer mama, sell that beer.

You are the hottest, yeah,
you are selling that beer.

- Oh young lady.

- Okay, okay, we gonna keep
it, oh, yes, mama sell it.

- Okay well let's see, I'm so excited.

100,000 new followers in three hours!

And look half of them are from Estonia.

- You never know where your
pork is gonna come from.

- Okay, Estonia, what do I do now?

- You keep 'em coming with more product.

Photos, videos, calendars.

- Videos?

- Yes, videos.

And I will be your personal photog.

Once we get that funny beer on the market,

there is no turning back.

- Oh my gosh I'm so excited.

Okay now wait, don't say anything to Kev

'cause I want to surprise him.

- Oh, he'll be surprised alright.

But he is going to love that extra income.

- I know, right?

- Sizzle.

- Sizzle.

- Oh, oh that was so amazing.

Who knew third graders could

pull off a production of our town?

- It was wonderful, just wonderful, Kia.

I'm so emotional right now.

- Hey, was that backdrop supposed to

fall on those kids like that?

It looked painful.

- It was an interesting
artistic choice, I must admit.

But it was so compelling.

- No, I think an artistic
choice would've been

for the kids to know they had lines.

I don't even know that they
knew they were in a play.

- At one point they were rolling

on the floor like squirrels, I think.

Looked like they were gathering nuts.

- It was experimental.

- Oh please, that was not an experiment.

- And then that one kid
started kicking and screaming.

You saw that?

- Did you see the mom jump on
the stage, drag the child off?

Now you can't tell me
that was part of the play.

- It was improv.

- It was the most beautiful
play I've ever seen.

- It was the only play you've ever seen.

- You know I can't imagine

the White House without the Obamas.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, you
mean the Black House.

- The Black House.

- We should pour something out for Obama.

- You got a little something?

- I got something right here.

- Eh, eh, don't reach.

- You're right, Secret Service.

- Alright so the first game
of the night is called,

Do You Know Your Partner.

- Stopped trying a long time ago for 100.

- You see, I'm mysterious,
that's why I keep you guessing.

- Oh keeping me guessing

and keeping me confused
are two different things.

- So this game was specifically designed

for super sexy couples, which we are.

Yes we are.

So everybody, write your
answers on the paper.

- Oh that's what this is for, okay.

- Now wait, wait a minute.

Is this a new game, 'cause I
never heard of this one before.

- Yeah I made it up myself.

- Why can't we just play Spades?

- Yeah, like or video games.

- You know what guys, maybe if you improve

your attitudes we can all have some fun.

I mean it's gotta be
more interesting than you

sitting on those dirty ass
steps you like so much.

- You need to get in touch with nature.

- Okay so here are the rules.

Everybody ready for the rules?

So each couple has to get the answer

correct in order to get a point, okay?

- Okay.

- Game time, let's go.

- Okay, here we go.

Um so the first question.

What is your partner's favorite color?

- Blue.

- Yeah you can't just shout it out.

- I didn't shout it, I'm
just saying I know that.

- Yeah you have to write it down.

No, you shouted it, you
have to write on the paper.

- Oh okay, alright.

- Yeah and for the record my
favorite color is not blue.

- It is blue.

- It's turquoise.

- Turquoise is blue, right?

- Yeah, you got it correct,
you guys have a point.

- We don't want the point, Kia.

- We don't want the point.

- It was a warm up question, but now let's

get down to the nitty gritty, as they say.

Alright first official question.

If your partner could
buy you a vacation home

anywhere in the world, where would it be?

No cheating.

Kev, I know you know this,

so where would my vacation home be?

- Yes.

Now I'm gonna just go with
this because I feel like

it just feels right, you what I mean?

Jamaica.

- Ah you got it right!

Congrats, very good.

Okay and Kev, your vacation home

would also be Jamaica, I know my man.

- No.

No.

Italy.

- Italy.

- Italy?

- Yeah.

- Italy?

- I've always liked Italy,
I've always wanted to go Italy.

Ever since I saw Jungle Fever,
Wesley, Annabella Sciorra,

I wanted to go Italy.

- Wait a minute, why would you want to get

a vacation home somewhere
that you've never even been?

- Wait, wait, how does this
game have follow up questions?

- I'm just saying, I talk
about Jamaica all the time.

I really do, talk about
Jamaica all the time.

I just though you would've
wanted to go there too.

- I mean I watched Roots,

it didn't mean I went back to Africa.

I mean, you know.

- Oh.

- Hey, hey, hey, guys, here's an idea,

maybe you have two vacation homes.

- But wait, what sense does that make?

What, are we gonna vacation separately?

Do you want to vacation without me?

- No, no, he doesn't.

- I'm not saying that.

- I'm going to Italy with you, I got you.

- Alright, well come on,
we'll be backpacking.

- Let's go to Italy, let's go to Italy.

Chef Boyardee.

- Okay well um, Rob would pick Brazil

so he could look at the
girls with the big derrieres.

- I see you boy, I see you.

The Brazilian butts and everything.

- Oh really.

- It's really all about
the art and the culture.

- Kev.

- It is, it's the art, and
it's the art and the culture.

- This is culture, Rob?

This is culture, you call this culture?

- Yeah, okay, Rob, what about Sherry?

- Sherry always wanted to go on a safari,

so I'm gonna say Kenya.

- Kenya's right.

- Africa, Africa.

- Another point for you guys.

That's hilarious, you guys
have another point, yeah.

We have zero, just a reminder.

Alright next question.

What is your mate allergic too?

Now Kev, be specific.

- Wait, wait, that's a
hint, that's cheating.

- No, no, no, I was just.

- Wait, okay, well then
I'm not gonna be able

to write this down because
it's a little tricky.

Oh okay um, the little, the
little yappy ones, the little

Yorkshires, Yorkshire dogs,
Dobermans, and Rat Terriers.

- You got it, you got it, you got it.

- Who's allergic to Yorkies?

- She is.

- I am, it turns into.

- Oh yeah, you don't wanna see that.

- It's bad, it's bad.

- Okay but what about me?

- My kale beer?

- No.

- I'm trying to
get the mixture right,

I mean you know.

- No you're refining it and it's okay,

I'm not allergic to that.

- Remember when
you broke out that time?

- Rob is allergic to aspirin.

- Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

And my baby is allergic to white flowers.

- Funny that's another point, yeah.

That's hilarious.

- We are sweet, baby.

- Zero for us, it's easy to keep track.

Alright here we go, uh,

what is your partner's favorite holiday?

- Oh Rob likes his birthday.

- Bang.

- Technically not a holiday.

- No, it's a holiday to me.

My birthday's a holiday to me.

- Whatever you chose, yeah.

- I don't care if you celebrate
it, my birthday's a holiday.

- Okay, I'll allow it, okay.

- And, my baby likes Thanksgiving.

- Oh I love Thanksgiving.

Oh it's my favorite.

- Oh that's so funny,

that's another point for you guys, yeah.

Kev, what's my favorite holiday?

- Well, okay, I'm not just
sure, I know I'm right.

Christmas.

- No, you're wrong, it's Presidents Day.

That's absolutely untrue,

my favorite holiday is Presidents day.

Although I know your favorite holiday

which is actually uh
Kwanza, yeah, I know you.

You apparently don't know me.

Well it looks like Rob
and Sherry, you guys won.

So who wants some of my uh,

who wants some of my tofu chicken wings?

- Hey.

- Hey.

- What are you doing out here?

- Come sit with me.

- Rob, for the last time,

I'm not sitting on those dirty steps.

- Just come here.

I want you to see what I see.

- Okay, fine.

- Look.

- Okay.

What am I looking at?

- The universe.

Us.

- Us?

- What happened to us, Rob?

We used to be so good together
and now if we talk at all,

it either turns into a
fight or you just ignore me.

- Sherry, it is impossible to ignore you.

Believe me, I try.

I try.

It just don't work.

Look babe, shooting star.

- Rob that's not a star, that's a plane.

- No, look at the light behind it.

- Yeah look at the light behind it.

It's red, it's blinking,
it's flashing, it's a plane.

- Dammit.

Sherry, Sherry, Sherry.

- Rob, Rob, Rob.

I love you, knucklehead.

- I love you, knucklehead.

Yeah you right, that's a plane.

- That's a plane.

Right as always.

Now that's a shooting star.

See?

- Dammit.

- I'm a star darling, what can I say.

- You lied.

Christmas, Christmas is
your favorite holiday.

- Look, I just wanted
them to win, alright?

They need a victory.

But Italy, Kev, really?

You never talk about Italy.

- Maybe you just don't listen.

You know, maybe what I want
isn't that important to you.

- How can you say that
after I moved here for you?

- I'd have did the same thing for you.

You always complain
about how bored you are

and I'm out here busting
my ass, while you've got me

out here playing these
stupid housewife games.

- Oh wait so, I'm just a housewife now?

- Not a housewife, I didn't mean that.

It's just, well it's just.

- It's just what?

Good morning, Kev.

Did you have a nice,
refreshing sleep on the couch?

- Look Kia, if you're
still upset I understand.

But alright, but I apologize.

- Oh well it's nice that I know
that I have your permission.

I'll talk to you later.

- What you working on?

- Don't act interested now.

Plus, don't you have more
important things to do?

Like not doing housewife work?

- Is this how it's gonna be?

What are we doing, Kia?

- What are we doing, Kev?

- Is that a business plan?

There's kale in the tub, so
what am I supposed to do,

just go up to Rob's place

and ask him if I can take a shower?

- Will you stop being so dramatic?

- Dramatic?

The tub is green.

- You could've taken a bird
bath in the kitchen sink.

- You know they say
marriage is not easy but,

you know I always try Kia, I always try.

You can never say I don't try.

- You know what, I do more than try.

I'm the one who left home to come with you

to DC in the first
place, you remember that?

So please just spare
me this, I try, stuff.

- So I should feel guilty
because you came to DC with me?

Thanks a lot.

Rob, can I use your bathtub

and your shower or bathroom, please?

- Sure.

Uh Kia?

Uh Kia?

♪ I guess today we go see ♪

♪ That my heart's not too
far gone to say goodbye ♪

♪ So far, gonna say goodbye ♪

- Talk to your
girl, let me talk to Kev.

♪ 'Cause I'm gonna say goodbye ♪

♪ You're wasting time on us, goodbye ♪

♪ So far gonna say goodbye ♪

♪ Too far gonna say goodbye ♪

- Yo, yo, yo, what up,
brother, what's good?

Good morning.

- How are you doing?

- Oh you know Sherry's
being Sherry so I figure

I'll come hang out with you
at work for a few hours.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're not coming

to hang out with me, I'm going to work.

Excuse me.

- Damn.

You act like I told you to
get me a job or something.

- You know what you need?

You need a girls night.

- Yeah, a guys night.

It'll be like old times.

Back when we used to have sleep overs

and you would have
nightmares and pee the bed.

- I didn't pee the bed.

- Well pretend, pee boy.

- A turn up night?

- A turn up night.

Get sexy, Kiki.

Woo.

- I can get sexy.

- You can do it, girl.

- That's right, a turn up night.

Mm hmm.

Yeah, we gonna take it back, way back.

- Well not that far back.

- No, no, no, no, it's perfect.

We need to let them know.

No, no, not call them.

- Let them know.

- Just let them know, we
need to let them know.

- just let 'em know.

- We gonna let you know.

♪ Let 'em know ♪

- What?

♪ Let 'em know ♪

- Hit that note again

♪ Let 'em know. ♪

- We gonna let them know.

I'm gonna let them know.

- We gonna let 'em know.

- We gonna let 'em know.

- I'm gonna let you know.

I spent $20 on them damn
lattes, you owe me $20.

- I don't know anything
about $20 on a latte.

- You're drinking decaf next time.

- I don't deserve this, I cook, I clean,

I keep everything right and tight,

that's what they tell you,
keep it right and tight.

And look at what he's putting me through.

I do not deserve this,
I'm ready to go out,

have some fun, and drink lots
and lots of kale beer, okay.

I deserve it right now.

- You see, that back porch
you made is pure magic.

- Thank you.

- And it's time for the world to know

that the master's of
the universe are here.

- Say it.

- It's written in rhyme and verse.

Oh repeat it.

It's written in rhyme and verse.

- It's written in rhyme and verse.

- It's written in rhyme and verse.

- It's written in rhyme and verse.

- It's written in rhyme and verse.

What, what, what?

♪ Give it to me Rob, give it to me Rob ♪

♪ Uh give it to me Rob ♪

♪ I'll give it to you ♪

♪ It's written in rhyme and verse ♪

♪ It's written in rhyme and verse ♪

♪ It's written in rhyme and verse ♪

♪ It's written in rhyme and ♪

- No, no, don't write on the pad.

- Written in rhyme and verse.

- Put that down please,
that's very expensive.

- Go, go, go, it's on you.

♪ It's written in rhyme and verse ♪

♪ It's written in rhyme and verse ♪

♪ It's written in rhyme and verse ♪

♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh, give it to me now ♪

♪ It's written in rhyme and verse ♪

♪ It's written in rhyme and verse ♪

- That's what I'm talking about.

You ready for this?

- I'm ready.

- Turn up ladies night,
turn up ladies night.

- Wow, okay.

Hey, I think we made a mistake.

- Yeah, who are you telling?

- You gotta stay focused Rob.

- Yeah alright.

- Turn your locations off.

- Got ya, got ya.

Ah, I crushed my ball.

- Are you serious?

- Turn up ladies night,
turn up ladies night.

- Oh, oh it looks so.

Oh no, your lash, your lash is unglueing.

- Are you sure.

- Yeah.

- Are you sure 'cause it feels.

- No, no, no.

- I put the glue like you said.

- I did, I put some extra in your purse.

- Oh did you?

Oh thank you girl, I'm gonna go fix it.

- Oh this is gonna be so fun.

- You're not even
bobbing to the beat, man.

- Rob, I'm a man of many styles.

- Hey, I'll be right back.

- Wait, wait, wait.

You know what?

Scope out the spot, find me
a rapper that wants to battle

and then go find me a good cipher spot.

- Yeah okay.

- You were supposed to
take him to another club.

- I'm not taking him anywhere
out looking like that.

Look at him.

You look nice.

You always look nice.

Wait let me guess, beige right?

- Yes, beige.

Thank you.

And I kind alike how everything

you're wearing tonight matches.

- Right down to the socks.

- Oh wow, that's impressive.

- Uh huh.

- Okay fine, I'll take her

someplace else, not that I want to.

- Ah shit, too late now.

- What is he doing?

Oh my.

- No he didn't.

- Let us pray.

Dearly beloved we are gathered
here today in remembrance of

our friends who are complete and utter

and total fricken idiots.

♪ Oh lord I ain't gonna ♪

- Do you know any gospel hymns?

- You know I don't go to church.

- I know.

- I'm gonna go get this boy.

♪ I was born to be rich
sittin' high up on the throne ♪

♪ With this crown up on this dome ♪

♪ Yeah this city's my home ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a king and you know it ♪

♪ What, I'm a king yeah you know it ♪

- Yo y'all give it up for my man Kingpin.

Yo you wanna keep it for the battle?

- Of course, of course.

- Man yo, a'ight, for sure,
that's what it is man.

My name's Jay Dukes, you know what it is

going down Freestyle Friday tonight.

We got the reigning champ in the building,

y'all gotta start making some

crazy noise right now for Tato Moneybags.

Oh, oh.

Yo well we got a new
talent for you, my man.

Coming right now.

What's your name, homie?

- My name is MC Kevie Kev.

- Okay, y'all give it up for him.

A'ight.

So I'm gonna give both
of y'all 30 seconds.

After you finish ripping, I
want you to give the mic to him.

It's going down Freestyle
Friday right now.

Y'all make some noise.

- Hey yo, here's a crazy, crazy battle

between Kevie Kev and Tato Moneybag.

It's gonna be insane.

♪ First off, I'm gonna point
out that you's a bama boy ♪

♪ And ever chance to wear
those big ass pants ♪

♪ I do you like the wife you leave ♪

♪ I will hurt your feelings so bad ♪

♪ You can't ignore it ♪

♪ They get the cameras for it ♪

♪ I know you heard I was
the camp, though man ♪

♪ And stepped up here too drunk ♪

♪ Like you really about
to rap, no thanks ♪

♪ I flow like water boy ♪

♪ You dove in over your head ♪

♪ Really I feel bad for you Kev ♪

♪ Your manners are washed up ♪

♪ And your money's laundered
by Trumps accountant ♪

♪ They covered it up ♪

♪ His laws for the tax cuts ♪

♪ Really who hikes you up to play ♪

♪ This far out of your league ♪

♪ Like you about to hold up a plan on me ♪

♪ Someone takes her home ♪

♪ Her nation don't play that way ♪

♪ More flex than there's to finagle ♪

♪ A Pablo popping man who your
lady might leave with Tato ♪

♪ My tongue's too slick
for wasting verse on this ♪

♪ The body bag should be zipped ♪

♪ But it's my choice in my house ♪

♪ I'm on me knee I'm on the run ♪

♪ Straight from Morpheus lips ♪

♪ You want your vine force vine ♪

♪ When you know you should quit ♪

♪ But I'm gonna end it for you ♪

♪ Bury your mind and saw you ♪

♪ And call that world
rap, you can't avoid ♪

- Yo Kev let's go.

♪ They said OG get him ♪

♪ I said I already got him ♪

♪ Look at this young boy,
just like I shot him ♪

♪ One two one two ♪

- Hold on, hold on, hold up, hold up.

- No.

You know we to the reigning
champion in the build.

You all give it up.

- What are they doing here?

And why are they in VIP?

- It's girl's night, man.

- We've never been here before.

I don't know what's happening to us.

- You're changing.

You just gotta adjust man.

A few bumps in the road, no big deal.

You love her, she loves
you, you'll be fine.

- You know you think
you're never gonna change.

You think, this is who I am,

so I'm gonna be this way forever.

Then the next thing you know.

Man I'm right there, I got that moment,

and I'm freezing up at a freestyle.

Chasing my manhood, shaving
in my neighbor's sink.

I don't know what's happening to me.

- Hell if I know, drinks on me.

- Alright now.

- You know I should've slayed that dude.

I'm nice with these lyrics.

- Yeah, yeah, you know what,
second thought, drinks on you.

- Man, what was I thinking?

What if he recorded it,
what if it goes viral?

- Hey man, just don't freeze up

when you go on your world tour, alright?

- You're right.

I gotta talk to Kia.

- Hey Kev, look, I want
you to do your thing

next time you get up there, a'ight.

But look at what your
wife emailed my wife.

Your wife is killing it, dog.

Look at that.

- You know about this?

- It's not as bad as it
looks, not that it looks bad.

Is that my kitchen?

- Lorenzo, are you
serious, that's his wife.

- But it's his kitchen.

- Woo, you put it on girl.

How about we keep this party going?

- Alright now.

- Hey.

- Cheers.

- Cheers, my dear.

- You know I guess I
just needed to get out.

And my baby looked so cute dancing.

You know what, I think those dance classes

I got him for Christmas are
really starting to pay off.

Didn't my baby look cute dancing?

- Girl, please.

Now what I do know is that this

kale beer is gonna sell through the roof.

- That's right.

- Oh this is so good.

- Oh god, I can't wait
for my baby to come home.

- Kia!

- Oh there he is.

- Kia, can I talk to you for a second?

- Uh, yeah.

Can you hold this for me?

What's up?

- So that's what we doing now?

Food porn, really?

What, you think I wasn't gonna
find out about the video?

I had to have my coworker show
me how my wife is trending,

and all these guys are what,
just drooling and laughing?

Really?

You're always talking about
being open and honest,

and you couldn't even
communicate that to me.

- Kev, I think you're
really misunderstanding.

- Mind your business, Sherry.

- Hey, wait a minute, man.

- This has nothing
to do with you, Rob.

- Wait a minute Kev, I
wanted to surprise you, okay?

- Surprise me?

Well surprise.

Let me tell you two something.

This whole couple's night
thing, it's over, it's done.

- You're jealous.

Yeah that's right I
said it, you're jealous.

You're jealous that my
model and my craft beer blog

is taking off, meanwhile you couldn't even

make a dime off the Triple Pop Stickies.

- Hey, they sold some records.

- You didn't want me in the
video because you knew I was

gonna outshine you just like
I'm outshining you right now.

And they weren't laughing at me.

I'm a star in Albania.

- It's Estonia.

- I mean Estonia.

- Yeah.

Well good for you.

Good luck with your career, rock star.

- Shit.

Uh uh, don't you dare.

- You think I won't.

- It takes 48 days to ferment.

Oh you just gonna, you just gonna get in

with your nasty drawers on in my beer?

- How many days?

48 days?

Oh is that all, 48 days?

Yeah, oh no, I'm taking a bath.

- That's how you want
to do it, you know what.

- Oh yeah.

Oh I'm taking a bath, baby.

- I got you, rock star.

Nasty.

Oh I got your rockstar.

You wanna mess up my beer?

I got your rockstar.

I'm gonna let everybody know
what kind of person you are.

- Take that picture down.

- Are you crazy?

Oh everybody look at my husband,

look at what he's putting me through.

You have lost your mind.

- You've lost your mind.

- You'll be going to jail tonight,

I just need to let you know.

- Will you calm down.

- I don't have time for this.

- Are these my clothes.

- I don't want any of you either.

- It's not over.

- Whatever, what ever,
whatever, I don't care!

Finally it's quiet.

Finally, I could do that.

- Dude she has been here for five days.

What do we do?

- I dunno, you the fixer.

I dunno nothing about patching
up relationships, okay?

I can barely keep mines going.

- Oh, ain't that the truth.

But she does have 10
million followers now.

- Well let one of them help her.

- Not helping, Rob.

Guess what tonight is?

Couple's Night.

- Forget that.

- Forget that?

No, no, no, see, I knew
she was gonna try that.

That's why I brought this, bang.

You ain't getting out that easy.

What's this?

It says we will not let anger,
disagreements, or fights

interrupt our weekly
couple's night festivities.

So you are gonna participate
'cause you wrote this

and I signed this piece
of, piece of paper.

- And we are your hostests
with the mostests.

- Mm hmm.

- Hey.

- Can I bring a date?

- Kiki.

- I don't care.

- Oh okay, I got options, I
got somebody on speed dial

right now, and you do too 'cause
I got somebody for you too.

- Hey.

Wait me or her?

- Oh I would never do that.

- White girl, white girl,
white girl, white girl.

Hey, would you turn that down?

- What's up?

- It's couple's night.

And we all decided that rain or shine,

in good times and bad, we
would all get together.

- I don't think that applies
when you're getting divorced.

Couples being the operative word.

- What does that have to
do with anything, Kev?

Rob and I need this.

So why don't you consider
it as a favor to us?

In fact I think it's
the least you could do

considering you tossed out
all of my vintage handbags

and designer clothes onto the lawn.

- Come on, man.

I'll throw in some free tracks for you.

More office picnic.

- Relax, alright?

No more office picnics.

- Deal.

- Alright.

- Okay now that we are all together,

we are going to kick things
off with a game, shall we?

- Come on, I love games.

- But tonight we are
going to switch things up

and it is going to be
guys versus the ladies.

- Okay, well then we partners.

- Mm hmm, mm hmm, nothing
like a good game of trivia.

Now the rules are self explanatory.

Now if the guys give the answer correct

that means a point for the guys.

If the ladies get the answer correct

that means a point for the ladies.

- Oh go ahead and call us Team Hot.

- Oh sizzle.

- We'll be called Team Winning.

- Team Winning, you can't think
of nothing better than that?

- Yeah, I could've said Team
Number One and Team Number Two,

but I didn't want to go there.

- Let's just play, let's play.

- Question number one.

In what state is a pine cone
dropped on New Years Eve?

- Mexico.

- Arizona.

- Ah, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

- Pine cones in Mexico?

- First of all, it was a
weird question, alright.

Arizona.

- It's not a state, Mexico not a state.

- Alright.

- Okay, here we go.

Name the African American that
invented the traffic light.

- Charles Drew.

- Gary Morgan.

Charles Drew was the first person

to perform open heart surgery.

- Yeah.

- Wait, wait, wait, didn't
he invent something else?

- Yeah, the gas mask.

Ah, ah.

Don't I get a bonus point?

- Rude.
- Yeah sure, why not.

- Wait was he from DC?

- Paris, Kentucky.

I knew that, you didn't
know that, but I knew that.

- Very interesting.

So you remember the hometown
but not the invention.

Wow, show's your lack of priorities.

- Okay yes I'm a bit rusty,
but I am in this game, alright?

And don't I get two bonus
points for the city?

- Absolutely.

That means the current
score is three to two.

- Mm hmm, yes, three to two.

Team Winning, still winning.

- Well Team Winning will
be losing very soon.

- Absolutely.

- Come on.

- The Chicago Bulls won how many

championships with Michael Jordan?

Rob, you gotta get this one.

- Five.

- Six, I know my sports.

Sizzle.

- Oh, oh, that's right.

- What are you doing?

Are you trying to give them a game?

- I forgot, I'm a Lakers fan.

- That's inexcusable,

every Black man knows how
many rings Jordan got.

- Okay well then how many
championships do the Lakers have?

- 14.

- Ah 16, I know I got that right too,

you don't even have to tell me.

And I don't even need the
bonus point, we are tied.

- We are so tied, we are so tied.

- Yes we are.

Okay, final question.

How frequently can you see
a shooting star in the sky.

- That would be every 10 to 15 minutes.

- You are correct!

- Don't hate me because
I'm a star, darling.

- That's right because
it's all about Team Hot,

not Team Nizzot.

We won!

Shake it.

- Don't break it.

- I'm not gonna stop the fun.

But this is where I leave you guys.

- Wait, wait, wait,
Sherry get the Dominoes.

- No, no, no, the night is young.

- Kev, baby wait, come here.

Listen, if stopping my food fun photos

will bring us back together,
then baby I'll do it.

- I don't want you to stop
doing what makes you happy.

And you really, really, you
look happy in those pictures.

I mean I didn't appreciate
all the booty shots.

But it also helped me make, make me come

to the realization that I
forgot what got us here.

Trust and respect.

I'm sorry about that.

And kale beer, that wasn't bad either.

I mean even though it doubled
as a really good soap.

- You know what baby, we
can do that world tour.

- Yeah.

You creating this couple's night

helped me realize something, I miss music.

But most importantly it
helped me realize the most

important thing, I don't ever
want to do this without you.

I mean where else am
I gonna go where I got

somebody that loves me
and has got my back?

I need you and I love you Kia.

And Sherry I'm so sorry for throwing out

your clothes and your
handbags out the window.

- Yeah, yeah, hope you
can afford to pay me back.

- And telling me to shut up?

- I apologize, brother.

- It's all good.

I am the least sensitive
person in the world.

- Now that's an understatement.

- I love you, baby, I love you.

- I missed you.

- I missed you too.

Alright are you ready
to take another L to add

to the L you already took,
'cause you about to lose again.

- We ain't taking no more L's.

- What y'all got, what y'all got.

- The first hit of Rob Biggs?

- Uh the only hit.

- It's Too Soon, it's Too Soon.

- Quiet on the set please.

And action.

- Hi, I'm Kia and this is my husband.

You know when I first created kale beer,

he couldn't stand it.

- Yeah, just the mere thought
of it grossed me the hell out.

- But then he discovered it
was nutritious and delicious.

- With an acquired taste, of course.

- Kale beer gave us a new life,

new friends, and host of fun.

- It's a wonderful Couple's Club.

- And I'm the boss.

- Hit it Rob.

- And cut.

♪ I've been through the
trenches and I forgive ya ♪

♪ And she's been through the city ♪

♪ With men that's been inconsiderate ♪

♪ We both gave up our
feelings a minute ago ♪

♪ I think I'm feeling this though ♪

♪ It ain't the same as before, is it ♪

♪ Where you head is, where your heart at ♪

♪ Who your soul with, girl ♪

♪ I'm in the old land ♪

♪ Baby boy be going
there, on there, oh yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause I can't take no more dishonesty ♪

♪ There wont' be none for me ♪

♪ I was nine before ♪

♪ There wasn't much love before ♪

♪ It wasn't what it seemed ♪

♪ It's still a dream to me ♪

♪ And I was hoping we
could save the shot ♪

♪ If you believe in me ♪

♪ Girl ♪

♪ Just tell what you see in me, you say ♪

♪ You'll be ride or die with me huh ♪

♪ Baby please don't lie ♪

♪ Little shorty like
to slide with me like ♪

♪ How was she so lie ♪

♪ I'm the only guy ♪

♪ There ain't that many
that keep my attention ♪

♪ Would've kept in hearts ♪

♪ I should keep her I don't
need her but can't leave her ♪

♪ I think I believe her ♪

♪ When she says she
won't leave me either ♪

♪ I just pray I'm not bad for you ♪

♪ I just pray I'm not bad for you ♪

♪ I just pray I'm not bad for you ♪

♪ Bad for you bad for you ♪

♪ Hold up ♪

♪ We gonna pull up discuss what's up ♪

♪ What's love, what's lust,
let's hug, let's touch ♪

♪ And kiss and such and such ♪

♪ Everybody know why we turn it up ♪

♪ Rock with me, is she serious or what ♪

♪ We gonna keep it low
key, stay behind the cut ♪

♪ Know I'm gonna OG
'till they turn me up ♪

♪ First, I'm gonna need
to clear some things up ♪

♪ You gonna ride or die with me huh ♪

♪ Baby please don't lie ♪

♪ Lil' shorty like to slide with me like ♪

♪ How is she so long ♪

♪ I'm the only guy ♪

♪ There ain't that many
that get my attention ♪

♪ With a passion surprise ♪

♪ I should keep her, I don't
need her, but can't leave her ♪

♪ I think I believe her when she say ♪

♪ She won't leave me either ♪

♪ I just pray I'm not bad for you ♪

♪ I just pray I'm not bad for you ♪

♪ I just pray I'm not bad for you ♪

♪ Bad for you bad for you ♪