Original subtitles

- [Brian] If religious people are so sure they're going

to this amazing place when they die,

why do they cry at funerals?

- [Jason] Maybe it's because they're secretly afraid

that though their loved one

is going to Heaven, they may not be.

- [Brian] (laughs) Or vice versa.

- [Jason] It's probably connected to why Americans spend

billions of dollars keeping their dying loved ones alive

for an extra week or two or four.

- [Brian] It's hard to say goodbye.

♪ Never can say goodbye ♪

♪ Oh, no, no, no, no ♪

(both laughing)

(gentle music)

- Hey!

- Hey. - Hi.

- Steaks'll be ready in a minute,

but, until then, I think you're really gonna like this.

- Aw, thanks for making dinner.

- I may not cook like you or Jason, but steaks,

that's my wheelhouse.

How is it?

- Mm, nice.

- Jason always made fun of me,

but there are worse ways to choose a wine

than by the graphic on the label.

- There are better ways, too.

- Oh, the craziest thing happened on the way home today.

I ordered a Lyft.

The car pulls up, I get in,

and the driver is Debbie Barnes.

Debbie Barnes.

She won the Tony Award for Best Supporting Actress

in a musical and did that sitcom that lasted

about four episodes, and then she totally disappeared.

(laughs) Like Jason always said,

you better enjoy it while you can.

Hey, you okay?

- Mm, yeah.

- You don't like the wine?

- Oh, no, it's nice.

It's better than nice.

- To us.

- Look, I've been thinking about us.

- Yeah?

Given more thought to us moving in together?

- In a way.

- And?

- You are a terrific guy, Brian.

- This isn't about us moving in together, is it?

- Not exactly.

But that conversation started me thinking,

made me look at things honestly.

- Are you, are you breaking up with me?

- It's not you.

- It's you.

- No, it's Jason.

- Me?

- What?

- I feel like I'm in a relationship with both of you.

And three-ways have never been my thing.

(Brian scoffs) I'm sorry that was a bad joke.

- Yeah, it was.

- You said it.

- I don't think we've had a conversation since we met

that hasn't referenced him.

- Maybe because his parents introduced us?

- He's all over this apartment,

the pictures, the dishes, the stuff.

He's with us at every meal, at the movies, in bed.

And now with this book,

he's more a part of your life than I am.

- That's bullshit.

- Is it?

- Jason and I had 15 years together, we've had six months.

This is so totally out of the blue!

- Because you don't even realize how much Saint Jason

is still present in your life, day in, day out.

How am I supposed to compete with that?

- I'm not asking you to!

- But you're asking me to share you with him,

whether it's conscious or not.

- Unfortunately, we don't all have the luxury you had

of breaking up with our exes,

of falling out of love with them, of being happy

to move on without them, of it being a choice!

- You think I don't understand that?

- Well, it sure as hell doesn't seem that way!

- I get how hard this is for you, I do.

And I know how much you think you want to move on.

- Think?

- But from here, and I'm telling you this because I care,

because I like you, because I could really love you.

You're not ready.

- And you're just not willing to stick around until I am.

- And how long will that be, Brian, huh?

Another month, a year, five, 10?

I think I'd better go.

And we'll figure out a time for me to get my things.

I'm sorry.

- David, please.

Don't!

David!

Fuck!

Ah, God!

Fuck!

(Brian crying)

- What the fuck are you doing?

- No, not now.

Not now.

- Not the Alvarez.

- (laughing) David's right.

If I want to have a future, I need you gone.

- Then why am I still here?

- I need you out of the apartment.

- You don't have to get rid of everything.

Keep some of me!

That piece, that's us!

- In time, I will be able to put it back.

But for now-- - Bullshit, bullshit!

You take that down, you put it away somewhere,

you'll never rehang it.

- You're the one who keeps encouraging me to move on!

- Moving on was one thing, completely erasing me

is something else all together!

- [Brian] (crying) You think I don't know that?

- And that's what you want?

- No!

It's not what I want!

But I don't have a choice.

You didn't, cancer

didn't give me one!

- Come here.

- [Brian] Jason, no.

No!

- Brian, Brian.

Brian, come here!

(both crying)

I'll take care of you.

I will.

- I know Jason wanted his memorial service

to be filled with crying and drama,

and we've certainly done that,

and a little laughter.

But, years ago,

before Brian, before Andrew,

Jason and I took a trip to New Orleans.

There was a book fair he just had to attend,

and I tagged along.

One morning, as we were grabbing beignets and coffee,

(Lisa exhales deeply)

a funeral procession went by,

people were singing and dancing,

and it was a whole Dixieland band.

And he and I looked at each other and almost in unison,

we said, "Now that's the send-off

"that everyone should have!"

(audience laughs)

So, I didn't get a Dixieland band, Jason,

but I did the best with what I had.

So take out your kazoos.

Everybody knows this song.

Join in when you can.

Oh, dear. (clears throat)

♪ We're traveling in the footsteps ♪

♪ Of those who came before ♪

♪ But we'll all be reunited ♪

♪ On a new and sunlit shore ♪

(kazoo music) (audience laughs)

♪ Oh when the saints go marching in ♪

♪ Oh lord I want to be in that number ♪

♪ When the saints go marching in ♪

♪ Oh when the drums ♪

♪ Begin to bang ♪

♪ Oh when the drums ♪

♪ Begin to bang ♪

♪ Oh lord I want to be in that number ♪

(somber music)

- Thanks.

Thank you for being here.

Jason loved this place.

It's where we spent our honeymoon.

So I thought it would only be fitting.

I love you, Jason,

but it's time.

So uh,

in this place that meant so much to us,

I'm gonna release you,

and release myself.

("When the Saints Go Marching In")

- Yeah!

(people laughing)

♪ You'll always be my forever ♪

♪ Down deep inside of me ♪

♪ You'll always be my forever ♪

♪ You're all I'll ever need ♪

(soft guitar music)